The Bert Show – Vault: Idiot's Guide To Checking On Your Man

Date: January 21, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Summary:
The episode dives into the controversial and sometimes desperate ways people try to confirm their suspicions of infidelity in their relationships. The cast invites listeners to share their "best" techniques for spying on partners—ranging from clever to invasive—and compiles the advice into a tongue-in-cheek “Idiot’s Guide to Spying.” The conversation features real listener stories, ethical debates, and the hosts’ irreverent, candid take on relationship distrust.

Episode Overview

• Main Theme: Exploring the lengths people go to when they suspect a partner of cheating and whether spying ever truly helps—or just proves the relationship is already broken.
• Purpose: To collect, share, and react to listeners’ stories and tips for catching a cheating partner, all while debating the morality, effectiveness, and consequences of such actions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. If You're Spying, Is It Already Over?

(00:21) Host (Burt/main):

• Asserts, "If you're doing this, the relationship's over anyway."
• Sets the tone that the wisdom (or idiocy) of spying might be moot if trust is already gone.

2. Real-Life Spy Techniques From Listeners

A. Installing Keystroke Recording Software

(00:48) Caller – Michelle:

• Michelle recounts installing a keystroke recorder ("Guardian" software) on her husband's laptop, allowing her to capture passwords, new email activity, and screen snapshots.

  “It would show me every keystroke that had been typed into the computer.” – Michelle (01:25)

• Result: Found evidence of multiple affairs via secret email communications.

B. Voicemail Code Cracking

(03:33) Caller – Cindy:

• Took advantage of the home phone's redial function to learn her partner’s voicemail code and check messages directly.

  “I just wrote them all down, and that’s how I got his voicemail code.” – Cindy (04:02)

• Result: Heard intimate messages from other women, confirming suspicions.

C. The Classic Drive-By

(04:35) Caller – Monica:

• Advises doing a drive-by past a partner’s house using a borrowed or unfamiliar car to avoid detection.

  “Make sure you change out the car, because he knows what your car looks like...” – Monica (04:51)

D. Checking Text Messages

(05:16) Caller – Candy:

• Short and direct: “Check the text messages on his cell phone.” (05:24)

E. Fake Fan/Anonymous Email Trap

(05:37) Caller – Phil:

• Phil shares a story of a girlfriend creating a fake email account, posing as a fan to test his loyalty via email exchanges.

  “It was an old girlfriend who created a fake email address as a fan, just to ... see how I interacted with fans.” – Phil (06:27)

F. Don’t Team Up With ‘The Other Woman’

(07:37) Caller – Jennifer:

• Crucial what-not-to-do: “Don’t ever get the other woman involved... It will never work out.” (07:41)
• Hosts agree: “Don’t use the mistress as an ally.” (07:56)

G. Phone Tapping with Voice Recorder

(08:16) Caller – Doug:

• Used a voice-activated recorder to tap the home phone, capturing both sides of conversations while absent.

  “It’s awfully hard for them to deny that something’s going on if you’ve got their own voice...” – Doug (09:10)

• Result: Double infidelity—affairs with someone at her office and the next-door neighbor.

H. Using Kids for Spying (Highly Criticized)

(10:13) Caller:

• Recounts being sent by her mother to rifle through her father’s car looking for evidence.

  “I was just looking for any kind of evidence... found tons of pictures.” (10:38)

• Hosts strongly object to involving children, calling it “awful” and refusing to endorse the tactic.

I. GPS Tracking Devices

(11:24) Caller – Susan:

• Suggests installing a GPS device in the partner’s car for location tracking.

  “You just go into the Internet, you put in a password, and you have tracking logs.” – Susan (11:54)

• Used it as proof necessary for a religious divorce.

J. Signing in as Partner on Chat Accounts

(13:48) Host (Burt):

• Mentions a story where a listener logged into a partner’s IM or social accounts to see conversations with other women.

Ethics and Effectiveness: Host Commentary

• Major Theme: Most spying just confirms what one already suspects; if trust is this far gone, the relationship is likely doomed.
• Discussed: Sometimes, concrete proof is needed, as some cheaters are convincingly manipulative.

  “Sometimes you do need proof, because the cheaters ... have gotten very good at lying.” (09:58)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Trust:

  "If you're doing this, the relationship's over anyway." – Host (00:21)

• On Children as Spies:

  "That's an awful thing to do... it's awful to bring a child into this whole thing." – Host (10:45)

• On Voicemail Tactics:

  “I just wrote them all down, and that’s how I got his voicemail code.” – Cindy (04:02)

• On Cheating Proof:

  “It’s awfully hard for them to deny that something’s going on if you’ve got their own voice.” – Doug (09:10)

• On GPS Tracking for Religious Divorce:

  “I had to know... for scriptural reasons. To get a divorce.” – Susan (13:07)

Compiled Idiot’s Guide to Spying (14:22)

Listener-tested methods:

• Keystroke recorder/spyware on partner’s computer (“Guardian” software)
• Using phone redial to get voicemail access codes
• Doing drive-bys in an unfamiliar car
• Checking cell phone text messages
• Creating anonymous emails to bait responses
• Never involving the “other woman” as an ally
• Tapping home phone with a voice-activated recorder
• Installing GPS tracking devices in vehicles
• Logging in to partners’ IM/social media accounts

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:21] Host outlines “relationship’s over” thesis
• [00:48–02:42] Keystroke software story
• [03:33–04:17] Voicemail code story
• [04:35–04:58] Drive-by surveillance tip
• [05:16–05:32] Cell phone text messages
• [05:37–07:08] Fake fan email trap
• [07:37–07:54] Advice: Don’t collaborate with the “other woman”
• [08:16–09:19] Tapping home phone
• [10:13–11:08] Kids as spies (ethically rejected)
• [11:24–13:12] GPS devices for tracking
• [13:48–14:06] Logging in as partner for IM/social account snooping
• [14:22–End] Recap of the “Idiot’s Guide” list

Tone, Style, & Takeaways

• Casual, candid, and humorous, with moments of frank seriousness.
• While the segment is meant to be entertaining, the hosts don’t shy from calling out the ethical lines crossed—and reiterate that trust, once lost, is rarely rebuilt through “gotcha” tactics.
• The real message: If you’re driven to spy, the bigger problem may be the relationship itself—not just what you discover.

This episode is packed with eye-opening anecdotes and candid advice, eliciting laughs, shock, and debate—delivering a morning radio show classic that’s both a cautionary and comedic exploration of trust gone wrong.