The Bert Show: Vault – Idiot's Guide To Getting Out Of The Doghouse

Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Jen, Melissa, Genevieve, others)
Date: December 31, 2025
Theme: How to recover after forgetting an important event like Valentine’s Day and “getting out of the doghouse”—a guide for those in trouble with their significant others.

Episode Overview

This lively, humorous episode addresses a common relationship mishap: forgetting a significant occasion, especially Valentine’s Day, and the inevitable fallout. The cast and listeners collaborate to assemble "The Idiot's Guide to Getting Out of the Doghouse," offering practical (and sometimes tongue-in-cheek) advice for those desperately seeking redemption.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: A Guide for the Forgetful (01:03)

• Bert introduces the concept of the “Idiot’s Guide” series, with previous editions on traveling as a couple and proposing. Today’s focus: “getting out of the doghouse” after Valentine’s Day failures.

2. Real-Life Doghouse Tales (02:12)

• Jen recounts her husband forgetting Valentine’s Day early in their relationship:

  “He did. No card, no candle, no nothing. Like, zero, zip, zilch. Forgot the day ever even existed… I have never been more furious with him. I really, like. I look back on it and I get all mad all over again.” — Jen (02:32)

• Jen confirms she was angry for two weeks—a testament to how hard it can be to bounce back from such slip-ups.

3. Is It That Big a Deal? (03:34)

• Genevieve asks if forgetting Valentine’s is such a big deal, prompting emphatic “Absolutely”s from Melissa and Jen.
• Melissa points out:

  “If you're in the doghouse, that means you did something in total disregard of your girlfriend… There has to be some selfless act. You have to do something just for her… You get no benefit from it whatsoever.” — Melissa (03:52)

4. First Steps Toward Redemption (04:23)

• Key early consensus:
  • Grovel. Grovel. Grovel.
  • Do something totally selfless.
  • Absorb criticism and don’t try to fix everything in one day.

5. Listener Calls & Streetwise Solutions (05:46 – 14:19)

A. The Jewelry Debate (05:46)

• Caller “Jay” jokes: “Yep, one carrot. Flawless.”
• Jen and Melissa caution that post-error jewelry feels like an afterthought and may backfire.

B. Making the Next Occasion Special (07:31)

• Caller “Danielle” suggests:

  “If he screws up on Valentine’s Day, he needs to make the next birthday or holiday or whatever double… he’s got to go way out of his way…” — Danielle (07:33)

C. The Two-Week Rule & Sincere Regret (08:13)

• Rob, another caller, suggests days if not weeks of “major sucking up” and chores.
• Elaine highlights that real regret and heartfelt reaction matter most.

  “His reaction was just. He felt so bad. He was so hurt that I was hurt. That was enough.” — Elaine (09:17)

D. Public Displays of Affection (09:44)

• Another caller recommends visible gestures, e.g., sending flowers to work, so everyone sees the effort.
• The cast warns not to make excuses or lie:

  “I wouldn’t lie… women aren’t stupid. She’s going to see right through that.” — Melissa (10:27)

E. Don’t Make Excuses, Just Own It (10:39)

• Caller “Byron”: “Bottom line, do not make excuses. Don’t say why you couldn’t do it.”

6. Building the List (10:52 – 14:34)

• Melissa recaps contributions to the Idiot’s Guide:
  1. Grovel
  2. Do something selfless for your partner
  3. Absorb criticism
  4. Give no excuses—all honesty, no cover stories
  5. Make the next event doubly meaningful/special
  6. Be visibly regretful, show real emotion
  7. Public gestures of affection or apology
  8. Plan a meaningful future trip, building excitement over time
  9. Send flowers daily with a serialized apology

7. Removing the “Day-After” Jewelry Solution (11:13)

• Jen insists jewelry given as an apology feels like a reminder of failure:

  “Jewelry the day after… I don’t want the ‘I’m sorry’ pearl earring.” — Jen (11:14)

8. Over-the-Top Efforts Can Redeem You (14:08)

• Ongoing theme: grand, thoughtful, or consistent gestures are necessary—not one-off fixes.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On how bad it can get:

  “I have never been more furious with him. I really, like… I stayed mad at him for, like, a good two weeks, and that’s hard for me to do.” — Jen (02:32)

• On excuses:

  “Bottom line, do not make excuses. Don't say why you couldn't do it… Just be honest and go, 'I am a moron.' Totally authentic apology.” — Byron (10:39)

• On what not to do:

  “I wouldn’t lie. Because women aren’t stupid… That'll make her break up with you.” — Melissa (10:27)

• On incremental, thoughtful make-up gestures:

  “Send flowers, like, for the next week, and on the first day, you need to send, like, a message. I am. Then the next day, so sorry… There is a definite conscious effort to send those flowers every day until you get your message out.” — Tammy (13:46)

• On making future plans:

  “You gotta set up a trip that’s in the summer, so two or three months later and every month you build up on that trip so that it constantly builds up and gets to be a bigger and better thing.” — Caller (11:46)

Practical Guide (Burt Show's “Idiot’s Guide” List, as Built Live):

[Timestamp references from 10:52 & 14:34]

• Grovel (Repeatedly!)
• Do Something Selfless: Acts with no personal benefit, all about your partner.
• Absorb Criticism, No Defensiveness: Take responsibility, let your partner vent.
• No Excuses: Radical honesty—admit you messed up.
• Make the Next Special Event Double Important: Overcompensate at the next opportunity.
• Show Real Regret: Don’t just say you’re sorry—mean it and show it.
• Grand Public Gesture: Visible, thoughtful actions (flowers to work, written notes, etc.)
• Plan and Tease a Future Trip or Experience: Make up for it with anticipation and effort.
• Sustained Apologies: For example, send a daily message/flowers with a serialized note.

Tone & Style

• The episode balances humor and genuine emotional insight.
• The conversational, bantering style keeps the vibe light but truthful.
• Advice is both practical and tongue-in-cheek, with lots of playful ribbing about classic “doghouse” scenarios.

Useful Segment Timestamps

• 02:12–03:18: Jen’s Doghouse Valentine’s Debacle
• 03:52–04:18: On selfless acts and groveling
• 05:46–06:43: The jewelry “solution” debate
• 07:31–07:56: “Double up on the next special occasion”
• 08:13–09:17: Sincere regret and how far apologies can go
• 09:44–10:27: Public gestures and the pitfalls of lying
• 10:39–10:52: The “No excuses” principle
• 11:13–11:39: Why after-the-fact jewelry falls flat
• 13:46–14:08: Daily flower deliveries as a dramatic apology
• 14:34: Final recap of The Idiot’s Guide steps

Takeaway for Listeners

If you’ve landed yourself in the relationship “doghouse”—especially for a Valentine’s Day fail—there’s no quick fix. Expect to grovel, act selflessly, own your mistake, and make up for it with sustained, thoughtful gestures. And whatever you do, skip the cheap shortcuts or day-after diamonds; it’s authentic effort and over-the-top sincerity that count!