Vault: Idiot's Guide To Getting Out Of The Doghouse

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Idiot's Guide To Getting Out Of The Doghouse

Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Jen, Melissa, Genevieve, others)
Date: December 31, 2025
Theme: How to recover after forgetting an important event like Valentine’s Day and “getting out of the doghouse”—a guide for those in trouble with their significant others.

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Episode Overview

This lively, humorous episode addresses a common relationship mishap: forgetting a significant occasion, especially Valentine’s Day, and the inevitable fallout. The cast and listeners collaborate to assemble "The Idiot's Guide to Getting Out of the Doghouse," offering practical (and sometimes tongue-in-cheek) advice for those desperately seeking redemption.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: A Guide for the Forgetful (01:03)

• Bert introduces the concept of the “Idiot’s Guide” series, with previous editions on traveling as a couple and proposing. Today’s focus: “getting out of the doghouse” after Valentine’s Day failures.

2. Real-Life Doghouse Tales (02:12)

• Jen recounts her husband forgetting Valentine’s Day early in their relationship:

  “He did. No card, no candle, no nothing. Like, zero, zip, zilch. Forgot the day ever even existed… I have never been more furious with him. I really, like. I look back on it and I get all mad all over again.” — Jen (02:32)

• Jen confirms she was angry for two weeks—a testament to how hard it can be to bounce back from such slip-ups.

3. Is It That Big a Deal? (03:34)

• Genevieve asks if forgetting Valentine’s is such a big deal, prompting emphatic “Absolutely”s from Melissa and Jen.
• Melissa points out:

  “If you're in the doghouse, that means you did something in total disregard of your girlfriend… There has to be some selfless act. You have to do something just for her… You get no benefit from it whatsoever.” — Melissa (03:52)

4. First Steps Toward Redemption (04:23)

• Key early consensus:
  • Grovel. Grovel. Grovel.
  • Do something totally selfless.
  • Absorb criticism and don’t try to fix everything in one day.

5. Listener Calls & Streetwise Solutions (05:46 – 14:19)

A. The Jewelry Debate (05:46)

• Caller “Jay” jokes: “Yep, one carrot. Flawless.”
• Jen and Melissa caution that post-error jewelry feels like an afterthought and may backfire.

B. Making the Next Occasion Special (07:31)

• Caller “Danielle” suggests:

  “If he screws up on Valentine’s Day, he needs to make the next birthday or holiday or whatever double… he’s got to go way out of his way…” — Danielle (07:33)

C. The Two-Week Rule & Sincere Regret (08:13)

• Rob, another caller, suggests days if not weeks of “major sucking up” and chores.
• Elaine highlights that real regret and heartfelt reaction matter most.

  “His reaction was just. He felt so bad. He was so hurt that I was hurt. That was enough.” — Elaine (09:17)

D. Public Displays of Affection (09:44)

• Another caller recommends visible gestures, e.g., sending flowers to work, so everyone sees the effort.
• The cast warns not to make excuses or lie:

  “I wouldn’t lie… women aren’t stupid. She’s going to see right through that.” — Melissa (10:27)

E. Don’t Make Excuses, Just Own It (10:39)

• Caller “Byron”: “Bottom line, do not make excuses. Don’t say why you couldn’t do it.”

6. Building the List (10:52 – 14:34)

• Melissa recaps contributions to the Idiot’s Guide:
  1. Grovel
  2. Do something selfless for your partner
  3. Absorb criticism
  4. Give no excuses—all honesty, no cover stories
  5. Make the next event doubly meaningful/special
  6. Be visibly regretful, show real emotion
  7. Public gestures of affection or apology
  8. Plan a meaningful future trip, building excitement over time
  9. Send flowers daily with a serialized apology

7. Removing the “Day-After” Jewelry Solution (11:13)

• Jen insists jewelry given as an apology feels like a reminder of failure:

  “Jewelry the day after… I don’t want the ‘I’m sorry’ pearl earring.” — Jen (11:14)

8. Over-the-Top Efforts Can Redeem You (14:08)

• Ongoing theme: grand, thoughtful, or consistent gestures are necessary—not one-off fixes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On how bad it can get:

  “I have never been more furious with him. I really, like… I stayed mad at him for, like, a good two weeks, and that’s hard for me to do.” — Jen (02:32)

• On excuses:

  “Bottom line, do not make excuses. Don't say why you couldn't do it… Just be honest and go, 'I am a moron.' Totally authentic apology.” — Byron (10:39)

• On what not to do:

  “I wouldn’t lie. Because women aren’t stupid… That'll make her break up with you.” — Melissa (10:27)

• On incremental, thoughtful make-up gestures:

  “Send flowers, like, for the next week, and on the first day, you need to send, like, a message. I am. Then the next day, so sorry… There is a definite conscious effort to send those flowers every day until you get your message out.” — Tammy (13:46)

• On making future plans:

  “You gotta set up a trip that’s in the summer, so two or three months later and every month you build up on that trip so that it constantly builds up and gets to be a bigger and better thing.” — Caller (11:46)

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Practical Guide (Burt Show's “Idiot’s Guide” List, as Built Live):

[Timestamp references from 10:52 & 14:34]

• Grovel (Repeatedly!)
• Do Something Selfless: Acts with no personal benefit, all about your partner.
• Absorb Criticism, No Defensiveness: Take responsibility, let your partner vent.
• No Excuses: Radical honesty—admit you messed up.
• Make the Next Special Event Double Important: Overcompensate at the next opportunity.
• Show Real Regret: Don’t just say you’re sorry—mean it and show it.
• Grand Public Gesture: Visible, thoughtful actions (flowers to work, written notes, etc.)
• Plan and Tease a Future Trip or Experience: Make up for it with anticipation and effort.
• Sustained Apologies: For example, send a daily message/flowers with a serialized note.

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Tone & Style

• The episode balances humor and genuine emotional insight.
• The conversational, bantering style keeps the vibe light but truthful.
• Advice is both practical and tongue-in-cheek, with lots of playful ribbing about classic “doghouse” scenarios.

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Useful Segment Timestamps

• 02:12–03:18: Jen’s Doghouse Valentine’s Debacle
• 03:52–04:18: On selfless acts and groveling
• 05:46–06:43: The jewelry “solution” debate
• 07:31–07:56: “Double up on the next special occasion”
• 08:13–09:17: Sincere regret and how far apologies can go
• 09:44–10:27: Public gestures and the pitfalls of lying
• 10:39–10:52: The “No excuses” principle
• 11:13–11:39: Why after-the-fact jewelry falls flat
• 13:46–14:08: Daily flower deliveries as a dramatic apology
• 14:34: Final recap of The Idiot’s Guide steps

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Takeaway for Listeners

If you’ve landed yourself in the relationship “doghouse”—especially for a Valentine’s Day fail—there’s no quick fix. Expect to grovel, act selflessly, own your mistake, and make up for it with sustained, thoughtful gestures. And whatever you do, skip the cheap shortcuts or day-after diamonds; it’s authentic effort and over-the-top sincerity that count!

Transcript

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[Burt]

The Burt Show A lot of guys woke up this morning in the doghouse big time. And they're probably listening right now. We're gonna try to help these guys out from time to time. What we do is we put the Burt Show's Idiot's Guides together. Like the last time we did it, it was for what we did.

[Melissa]

Well, the first one we did was to help Phil out cause he was traveling with his girlfriend for the first time. So traveling as a couple together for the first time. We've done an Idiot's Guide for that.

[Burt]

Proposing.

[Melissa]

Proposing. The Idiot's Guide to Propose. And we did that as well. So it's just a basic, you know, a list of things that you just kind of need to know in order to help you, you know, do this to propose or to travel or whatever.

[Burt]

And in this case it's give guys advice on how to get out of the doghouse. So if we are putting the Burt Shows Idiot's Guide of Getting out of the Doghouse together for a guy because he forgot yesterday was Valentine's Day, or he didn't make dinner reservations, or he didn't get flowers or chocolate or any or even acknowledge that it was Valentine' Wednesday, what can a guy do this morning or this afternoon to try to get out of the doghouse? And we'll put this list together and we'll put it up on the website. But this has actually happened in Jen Hobby's case here. Before. Not this year.

[Jen]

No, definitely not this year. But in the past. My husband actually forgot Valentine's Day one year.

[Burt]

Can't do that. Yeah, you can't do that.

[Jen]

Yeah, he did.

[Genevieve]

He must have been on the road miles away, and you guys weren't together at all. And it's. He probably just got distracted.

[VRBO Announcer]

Right.

[Jen]

I don't know what it was, but it made me fear. It was probably one of the only times that I was ever ready to break up with him.

[Burt]

Really?

[Jen]

It was back when we were just dating. We weren't engaged or married or anything, but I think it was maybe the second or third year that we were together. I don't know. They all blend together, but at this point. But yeah, he totally forgot. He did. No card, no candle, no nothing. Like, zero, zip, zilch. Forgot the day ever even existed. And then I showed up with, like, the whole Victoria's Secret thing going on, and I had the card and the candle and all that stuff. And I have never been more furious with him. I really, like. I look back on it and I get all mad all over again. And I really. It was so long ago. I don't remember exactly what he did to get over it, to help me get over it, but I stayed mad at him for, like, a good two weeks, and that's hard for me to do.

[Burt]

So is it a case that if in an offense like this, where it's so big that there's really almost nothing you can do the next day, it's almost a time healing thing.

[Jen]

Yeah, it's probably a time healing thing, but I would say grovel, grovel, grovel, grovel until you can't do it anymore.

[Genevieve]

Is forgetting Valentine's Day that big of a deal?

[Melissa]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Jen]

It is a really big deal.

[Melissa]

Absolutely.

[Genevieve]

It doesn't really mean anything.

[Melissa]

Please.

[Burt]

See, I'm assuming that it's too big even to take care of and get out of the doghouse today because we. Not one phone call.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Not one phone call of what you could do today if you forgot Valentine's Day yesterday.

[Melissa]

I agree with Genevieve groveling. Because if you're in the doghouse, that means you did something in total disregard of your girlfriend. You know, like, you did not. Valentine's Day is like the ultimate. You totally disregarded her. Her feelings, her thoughts, her expectations, everything. So to me, there has to be some selfless act. You have to do something just for her having. No, you. You. You get no benefit from it whatsoever. I don't have a specific example, though.

[Genevieve]

Cut off your thumb.

[Melissa]

But the thought I had is that you have to do something completely selfless.

[Burt]

The two items on the Burt Show's Idiot's Guide to Getting out of the Doghouse would be grovel, grovel. Grovel is number one. And number two is do something totally selfless for your partner. For your partner.

[Genevieve]

Probably not gonna get anyone to call because if anybody did forget yesterday, right now their significant other is leaning over them going. All I do around this house, I take care of the dishes, I take care of the animals, I vacuum this place three times a week, I pick up your junk, and you can't even go to the Hallmark store and spend two freaking dollars on a car.

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah, maybe that's happened before. That sounds awful. That was a really good impression.

[Genevieve]

And that's been going on since about 5 o' clock yesterday evening.

[Burt]

Maybe that's one of the things on the list. Just take it. She's ticked off today. Just absorb it.

[Genevieve]

I mean, how hard is it to.

[Burt]

Try to make a reservation?

[Genevieve]

All you gotta do is pick up the phone and make a call and we'll go out to dinner. Is that that big of a deal? No, I don't think it is. After all I do around this house.

[Melissa]

I put up in the garage every word of it.

[Burt]

I'm assuming, judging by the lack of phone calls and seriously, on this show, we can ask for anything and we get calls, that it is such a big offense that there is no way to get out of the doghouse today.

[Jen]

Not. Not in one day. It's going to take a while.

[Melissa]

Yeah, this is this pretty serious.

[Burt]

It's that bad?

[Melissa]

Well, because, you know, even like Jeff's example of Ryan being on the road and getting distracted, everywhere you turn there is decoration for Valentine's Day. Every channel you turn to is a commercial for Valentine's Day. There is no excuse to forget yesterday.

[Burt]

All right, here come the calls now. Good morning, Jay. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller Male 1]

Yeah, I got three words for you. Yep, one carrot. Flawless.

[Burt]

Jewelry may be the only way out of the doghouse today, huh?

[Caller Male 1]

Hey, worked for Kobe, didn't it?

[Burt]

Now, let me ask you, Let me ask you women this though. Cause Jay brings up an interesting situation here. If you know that the present is simply coming from a place of I screwed up and I'm trying to make it better now. Does it even help you get out of the doghouse?

[Melissa]

It is a constant reminder of the fact that you're not as important to him as you thought you were.

[Jen]

Well, I Think it's just thoughtless. You know, that's the whole thing with Valentine's Day, is wanting somebody to be thoughtful. You know, I think that one handwritten note on a piece of notebook paper on the right timing that says the right thing goes a lot further than a diamond ring the next day. It's like. It's an afterthought. You're like, what am I, an afterthought? You just, like, you don't even care enough to think about it. Yeah, I mean, I. Yeah, it was really, really hard to get over when that happened. And I called my mom and I was like, I don't know if I can be with this man.

[Melissa]

No way.

[Burt]

Really? It was that bad?

[Jen]

You know how when you call mom and you tell mom about problems in your relationship, it's really bad because you know they're gonna hold that grudge.

[Genevieve]

I don't. I don't talk to my mom about relationships at all.

[Burt]

Really. Maybe that's one of the things we put on the list, is don't go and talk to your parents about it because it's a knee jerk reaction right now.

[Jen]

Right.

[Burt]

And in a week it may be okay.

[Caller Female 1]

Right.

[Melissa]

But this is. This is a list for the person that's in the doghouse.

[Burt]

That's right. That's true. 404-741-1005 the Bert Show's Idiot's Guide to Getting out of the Do. Good morning. You're on all the hits, Q100.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Caller Female 1]

I just wanted to tell you guys what my husband actually did for me for Valentine's Day.

[Burt]

Is this to get out of the doghouse?

[Caller Female 1]

Well, it put him in the doghouse.

[Burt]

Okay, hold on one sec.

[Melissa]

All right.

[Caller Female 1]

Okay.

[Burt]

Good morning, Danielle. You're on all the hits, Q100.

[Caller Female 1]

Hey, if he screws up on Valentine's Day, he needs to make the next birthday or holiday or whatever double. I mean, he's got to go way out of his way to prove to her, you know, that he's good enough to pull something off and to just make up for that Valentine's Day he's gonna make the next hop. Next holiday or anniversary or something. She's gonna make it crazy.

[Burt]

You better hope that her birthday is like, February 16th.

[Caller Female 1]

Yeah, and if not, then you're screwed.

[Burt]

Right? Okay, so double up on the next special occasion is what she's saying.

[Genevieve]

See, that makes me nervous because like you said, if the special occasion is three months off, that's three months of her in his ear.

[Commercial Announcer]

Well, he should have never screwed up.

[Burt]

To begin with, but we're saying he did. So how do you get out? Right. Good morning, Rob. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller Male 1]

Hey, I agree with Jen. It's going to take a lot of major sucking up and it's not going to be just one day. It's going to be a couple weeks. He's going to have to do all the cleaning and whatever he can to kiss her butt to make up for it.

[Burt]

So you just expect it's going to be days and days of groveling, which is exactly what goes with Jen was talking about. This is not going to be a one day project. 404-741-1005 hey, Elaine.

[Caller Female 1]

Good morning.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Caller Female 1]

So we always thought, my husband always thought we never celebrated Valentine's Day, but we always got each other a card. So last year he just forgot. I got him cards from the kids. I got him a card from me. And I was waiting all day for my card. And finally I just looked at him, it was at night and I was like, you didn't even give me a card. He felt like such a heel that he. This year we celebrated Valentine's on Friday night and he gave me a diamond ring just because he felt so bad from last year.

[Melissa]

Now, how did, now I know you were upset last Valentine's Day.

[Caller Female 1]

My feelings were just hurt.

[Melissa]

How did he get out of that? What is something that he did to help you not feel so bad about him?

[Caller Female 1]

His reaction was just. He felt so bad. He was so hurt that I was hurt. That was enough. His reaction was fine.

[Burt]

Okay, that's important right there. The reaction, react. You better become like Sean Penn.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Jen]

I agree.

[Burt]

You better just put on an Academy Award presentation.

[Genevieve]

So saying Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal anyways, is it? Is probably not the right answer.

[Burt]

Probably not.

[Jen]

Jamie.

[Burt]

Hey.

[Caller Female 1]

How are you guys?

[Burt]

Okay. How do you get out of the doghouse if you just completely forgot about Valentine's Day yesterday?

[Caller Female 1]

Well, I totally agree that just remembering the day to begin with is just the easiest way to go. But I think that, you know, doing anything that can kind of show everybody else how much you care about her, like sending her photos at work, doing things, you know, in public just to like really make her stand out and feel special, I think would kind of be a foot in the right direction.

[Burt]

All right, so your suggestion is like publicly, the day after, make everybody aware of just how much you love her.

[Caller Female 1]

Yeah, definitely. Kind of like, you know, and you can even play it Off. Well, I didn't want to do it on Valentine's Day because Valentine's Day is every everybody's day. I wanted to give you your day.

[Burt]

I wouldn't lie. I wouldn't lie.

[Melissa]

Come on now. Because women aren't stupid. I know that you know, sorry, Jeff, but women aren't stupid. And so she's going to see right through that.

[Genevieve]

Women are.

[Melissa]

That'll. That'll make it worse. That'll make her break up with you.

[Burt]

Good morning, Byron.

[Caller Male 1]

Yeah, I want to say bottom line, do not make excuses. Don't say why you couldn't do it.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Burt]

That goes against what the last caller just said. Just be honest and go, I am a moron. Totally authentic apology. All right, what do we have so far, Melissa?

[Melissa]

All right, we have groveling. Two, do something selfless for your partner. Three, absorb the criticism. Give no excuses. Number four, we had somebody that says to give jewelry. Five, make the next event doubly important and exciting. Next is react in a regretful way and then do something to show you love her in public.

[Jen]

I just think that we have to take the jewelry thing off the list.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

Why is that?

[Jen]

Just because I think, like Melissa said, it would be a constant reminder that it was just an afterthought. I mean, jewelry beforehand, jewelry thinking ahead, jewelry planning ahead is perfect. But at the same time, jewelry the day after, like the. Oh, I'm sorry. It's like I don't want the I'm sorry. Pearl earring.

[Genevieve]

What if it's so over the top though? Like, I mean, what if it is.

[Melissa]

So, so big after Valentine's Day?

[Jen]

No, no, it's an afterthought.

[Burt]

Morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Caller Male 1]

Good morning. I have a get out of doghouse free pass.

[Burt]

Do it.

[Caller Male 1]

You wanna know what it is?

[Burt]

I do.

[Caller Male 1]

Okay. It's after you've already forgotten. You gotta set up a trip and you admit you'd get it wrong. But you set up a trip that's in the summer, so two or three months later and every month you build up on that trip so that it constantly builds up and gets to be a bigger and better thing.

[Burt]

So what you're saying is plan something a couple of months down the road and then slowly build the excitement up to it.

[Caller Male 1]

Exactly. So like a three day weekend somewhere and then you, every month you buy something that applies to that trip.

[Burt]

You guys agree with that?

[Jen]

It's thoughtful. I mean, it definitely shows that you're trying to put some more thought into it.

[Burt]

Is there a broader rule there? Then show Some kind of over the top thought.

[Genevieve]

Like, you forget one day. It takes 90 days to make up for it.

[Melissa]

Well, I think it. Well, I think it incorporates the. First of all, he admitted that he did something wrong, so he grovelled. I mean, he admitted that. And then he also was doing something selfless for her. So, I mean, well, of course he's gonna be on the trip, too, but he planned something bigger for her and making the next event doubly important. The next event was not necessarily a birthday or anniversary. It was like he made. He made. He created a next event to make up for it.

[Burt]

Kristin, the Idiot's Guide to Getting out of the Doghouse.

[Caller Female 1]

Okay, first of all, I think that it's so commercial. We don't even celebrate Valentine's Day. We celebrate it the day after. Or like four days after, anyway. It's like, to say that how could you forget this one day that everyone and their mother is saying I love you, I think is ridiculous.

[Burt]

Either way, forget about.

[Melissa]

We're not debating Valentine's Day. We want to know how to help a guy get out of a doghouse.

[Caller Female 1]

Well, I don't think he should be in a dog house for not saying I love you or sending flowers on the day that everybody is doing it. I think that he should be honest and say, like we said earlier, be honest and say, hey, I didn't know or I forgot. I didn't have time. But I think it's more meaningful to do it on a day that everybody is not saying it, rather than a day that everyone jacks up the prices for everything else.

[Burt]

Thank you. Good morning, Tammy, you're on all the history.

[Melissa]

She's outside with a picket sign right in front of her.

[Burt]

Hey, Tammy.

[Caller Female 1]

Hi.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Caller Female 1]

I have an idea. Send flowers, like, for the next week, and on the first day, you need to send, like, a message. I am. Then the next day, so sorry. Then the next day, another message. That way. There is a definite conscious effort to send those flowers every day until you get your message out.

[Jen]

I think that that's good because that's consistent groveling.

[Genevieve]

But isn't that letting everybody in the office know that you forgot?

[Melissa]

Well, she's gonna let people know that you forgot.

[Burt]

Yeah, they're gonna know either way. But again, that goes under the rule of you gotta show something with some incredible thought to it afterwards. You got to go over the top.

[Jen]

Right.

[Burt]

With thought on this one. And it's going to last longer than 24 hours.

[Jen]

Definitely.

[Burt]

Melissa, our list to go up on the website, how to get out of the doghouse.

[Melissa]

And some of these may be, you know, repetitive, but it helps to get out of the doghouse. Grovel, do something selfless for your partner. Absorb the criticism. Give no excuses. Make the next event doubly important and exciting. React in a regretful way. Do something to show you love her in public. And then the last two we had were plan a future trip, build up to that, the excitement and last one, like she said, send flowers every day for about a week with pieces of the message of I'm sorry.

[Burt]

And a lot of people were calling up with that last one saying put a standing order in at the florist for like the next week or two.

[Jen]

Begging forgiveness.

[Burt]

Begging forgiveness. So that might be a really great idea right there.

[Genevieve]

I wonder how. I'm sure florists are inundated with calls today. It would be fun to talk to a Flight Explorers about some of the messages that are on the cards today.

[Burt]

Right?

[Melissa]

Exactly.

[Burt]

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