Co-Host Melissa (1:44)

Keep clenching.

Co-Host Jeff (1:46)

Yeah. Days passed after the surgery, and Ronald noticed that something was wrong. Well, it ends up his doctor had actually stapled his rectum shut.

Co-Host Bert (1:57)

No, no, no, no. Yeah,

Co-Host Jeff (2:02)

that'll make you a clench if you're.

Co-Host Bert (2:04)

You do that.

Co-Host Jeff (2:05)

Do I. Do I need to say that he's actually suing the doctor.

Co-Host Bert (2:10)

Wow. We're gonna have to recreate that with somebody. That's the next bet. The next bet. They are.

Co-Host Jen (2:15)

Do you think that was. Do you think that was a joke? Do you think like the guy was maybe. Maybe his mouthing off or something before when he goes, you know what? I'm gonna staple this guy's butt closed.

Co-Host Bert (2:24)

I wonder if we can get a nurse or doctors right now. We'll put you on the voice disguiser if you. If it's true, because I think Jeff makes a really good point here. I wonder if there aren't nurses that will treat you just a little bit worse. Maybe accidentally can't find the vein when they're trying to find blood. If you're a crappy patient, maybe just make you go through a little bit more pain than you really have to on the voice disguiser fully.

Co-Host Jen (2:49)

If you've got a bad attitude, I guarantee you you're the last one to get the food tray. You're the one who gets the new nurse. Hey, Bert, welcome. Hi. Listen, this is Jen. She is training and she is going to insert your catheter. Go ahead, Jen.

Co-Host Bert (3:04)

Yeah, those are the words you do not want to hear when you're a patient.

Co-Host Jen (3:06)

Right.

Co-Host Bert (3:07)

And she's in training. Not on me, she's not training. Next room. The phone lines are ringing, I think with nurses that are willing to either confess that yes, they do that or no, they don't. We'll get to those here in just a second.

Co-Host Jen (3:19)

Nobody's calling to say no, they don't. Unfortunately.

Co-Host Melissa (3:22)

We better use the voices geyser for this.

Co-Host Bert (3:23)

Yeah, without a doubt, all these calls will go up there. The question here is, I mean, Melissa just told us a story about a doctor that stapled his patient's butt shut.

Co-Host Jeff (3:32)

Butt shut.

Co-Host Bert (3:34)

Imagine this doctor coming home to his wife. Wife asked, how was the day today, hun? Boy, did I make a mistake. What'd you do? I mean, I couldn't be that bad, honey. I mean, it's just one day. Yeah, I stapled a patient's butt just shut today.

Co-Host Jeff (3:51)

See, what happened was, see, he had this butt and.

Co-Host Bert (3:56)

And we're assuming that no doctor would purpose make that. I mean, accidentally make that mistake. So we're wondering if doctors and nurses, if they have a patient that's kind of a pain in the booty, if you just put them through a little bit more pain than they really need to go through.

Caller - Nurse (4:08)

Said pain in the pain.

Co-Host Jen (4:10)

Yes, this patient's a real pain in the ass.

Co-Host Bert (4:13)

Bam.

Caller - Nurse (4:15)

They can.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (4:16)

I've actually seen a couple of people that have done things, you know, a little meaner. Like I was telling the woman that answered the phone, no, I haven't personally done it. I've probably Been a little more mouthy with patients, but.

Caller - Nurse (4:28)

Oh, yeah, it can happen. It can absolutely happens.

Co-Host Bert (4:30)

So the message here is loud and clear.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (4:32)

I mean, you know, then too, I guess.

Caller - Nurse (4:35)

You know, in a sense, when it goes to the end, we're all human too, right?

Co-Host Bert (4:39)

They're in control here.

Co-Host Melissa (4:40)

Yeah.

Co-Host Bert (4:41)

She's not going to be the only one to call and say that. Good morning, Brian. You're on Q100.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (4:46)

Hey, Bert.

Co-Host Bert (4:46)

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (4:48)

Okay, thanks. I'm a fireman. I'm going into work right now, and I promise you, the bigger. The bigger the patient of how bad that you act up with us, the bigger the needle is and the more we miss.

Co-Host Bert (5:02)

Is that right? So you have actually missed somebody where you were gonna shoot them purposely?

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (5:07)

Oh, yeah.

Co-Host Melissa (5:08)

What did they have to do to get you to that point?

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (5:13)

Well, the calls that you get three o' clock in the morning for your tummy hurting, those are the main ones.

Co-Host Bert (5:19)

So if they're calling for something really superficial.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (5:22)

What's that?

Co-Host Bert (5:22)

If they're just calling for something that you think is superficial, you'll treat them kind of crappy?

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (5:28)

Pretty much.

Co-Host Jen (5:28)

So if somebody call somebody calls you up and you go rushing over to their house and they're like, my cat scratched me. I think I'm gonna get infected. Then you shoot him up with giant needles full of antibiotics and, oh, no,

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (5:41)

no, no, we just missed the IV on purpose.

Co-Host Bert (5:44)

Nothing with antibiotics, so you better be really careful. We asked for honesty.

Co-Host Jen (5:53)

Don't look at line three.

Co-Host Bert (5:54)

I'm not taking three yet. Good morning, Becky. You're on Q100.

Co-Host Jen (5:57)

I'm not good at all.

Radio Host (5:57)

You sick, man?

Caller - Nurse (5:58)

Good morning. How are you guys?

Co-Host Bert (6:00)

Good. How are you?

Caller - Nurse (6:02)

I'm good. I have to admit, this is our little way of getting back as a really mean patient. I'm an emergency room nurse and I have to deal with all kinds of jerks all day long. And you just use a little bit bigger needle. Or there's a medicine we can give with a numbing medicine because it burns really bad. But the mean ones don't get the numbing medicine in emergency room.

Co-Host Jeff (6:24)

People are panicked and upset.

Co-Host Jen (6:26)

Why are you laughing?

Caller - Nurse (6:28)

And you know, it's not about. I know that people are panicked, but some people are just mean. I mean, they are mean. I'm not talking about you being panicked or being, you know, kind of overreacting, and that's fine. But some people are so mean to the nurses and to the doctors. And you know what? You still have to treat Us, with respect. Even though you're feeling sick, Becky, let

Co-Host Bert (6:48)

me ask you this. How long were you a nurse before you did this for the very first time? Were you purposely stuck somebody?

Caller - Nurse (6:54)

No, I've been a nurse for about five years, so I'm not quite burned out yet. But some days are worse than others.

Co-Host Bert (7:01)

I just want to let you know, applying a numbing cream that you know is going to sting is the gateway drug to leaving your profession. You will not be a nurse one year from now.

Caller - Nurse (7:12)

No, I will. I like it. I like it. It's just, you know, just be nice to your nurses.

Co-Host Melissa (7:17)

Yeah, no kidding. That's a lesson we learn here. Be nice to your medical professionals or

Co-Host Jeff (7:23)

they will torture you.

Co-Host Bert (7:24)

Good morning, John. You're on Q100. Hi.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (7:26)

Good morning, guys.

Co-Host Bert (7:27)

Hey, you're on the voice disguiser.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (7:28)

I've been a paramedic for about 10 years now, and I can promise you if you are a drunk driver that has hurt somebody or if you're a child abuser or spouse abuser, they're going to miss you more often. And I can promise you it's going to be the biggest needle they got. And they'll probably squeeze the bag and squeeze the fluids into you really fast. So when you get to the hospital, you gotta pee really badly, too.

Co-Host Bert (7:49)

Yeah. We've done this with police officers before, and they've said the same thing, that in the same cases, if you're messing with kids or there's some abuse going on, that the police officer may be a little bit rougher on you than anyone else.

Co-Host Jen (8:01)

They're jamming. They're jamming the needle into your arm the way you jam the fork into the little plastic wrap on a microwave meal. You know, you're just like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I think it got in there.

Co-Host Melissa (8:10)

I misunderstand. That one I kind of endorse.

Co-Host Jen (8:13)

Please don't tell me you're picking that one up.

Co-Host Bert (8:14)

I am. Don't do it. That's my closer call. Oh, no, seriously, this one's going to hurt.

Co-Host Jen (8:19)

This is a friendship effector.

Co-Host Bert (8:21)

Oh, Kathy. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

Caller - Nurse (8:24)

Hey, how are you?

Co-Host Jeff (8:25)

Are you the call we're dreading?

Caller - Nurse (8:27)

Oh, yeah, I am. I promise you.

Co-Host Jen (8:29)

Okay.

Caller - Nurse (8:30)

This was not me, and it was not here, and it was about 30 years ago. But my brother was a nurse in the emergency room. I used to get this guy that came in drunk all the time. Just drunk and throwing up and disgusting and passed out. And so one time when he was passed out, they started his IV in his penis.

Co-Host Bert (8:47)

Yeah,

Caller - Nurse (8:52)

I don't have one in that heart.

Co-Host Bert (8:53)

No, no, no, no.

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (8:57)

God bless.

Co-Host Bert (8:59)

All right, so what is our lesson here? The lesson today here, Jen hobby, is what?

Co-Host Melissa (9:03)

Be nice to your nurses and doctors and EMTs and don't overreact, even if

Caller - Fireman/Paramedic (9:08)

you're feeling really sick.

Co-Host Jen (9:10)

And if you're drunk in the emergency room, put on a cup, Glue it. Glue it to you.

Co-Host Bert (9:18)

Now you know why they don't allow you to take pictures and video in emergency rooms. Hey, the bird show.

Radio Host (9:24)

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Co-Host Bert (9:46)

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