The Bert Show - Vault: Is She Weird For Doing This Behind Her Boyfriend's Back?

Date: January 9, 2026
Host: Burt (with Raj, Noah, and callers)
Duration: ~16 mins (content section)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the controversial topic of relationship privacy—specifically, women secretly checking their partners’ voicemails, emails, and messages. The hosts and listeners discuss motivations behind this behavior, share personal stories (often wild and frank), and debate whether this kind of “snooping” is ever justified or just toxic. The tone is candid, playful, but occasionally serious as issues of trust, past infidelity, and self-respect come up.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reader Email Kicks Things Off: Secretly Checking Messages

• Burt reads an email from a listener who checks her boyfriend’s cell phone messages multiple times a day, admitting she knows it's wrong ("I do it faithfully at least five times a day… I know that it's an invasion of privacy, but I don't care. I do trust him... I'm just nosy." [01:48]).
• The listener erases voicemails she deems unimportant, sometimes creates fake stories to trap her boyfriend, and is seemingly more motivated by curiosity than actual suspicion.

Memorable Quote

"I know that it's an invasion of privacy, but I don't care. I do trust him... I'm just nosy."
— Email from listener, read by Burt [01:51]

2. Callers Share Their Confessions & Justifications

• Caller 1 hacked her boyfriend’s work, home, and Yahoo emails: "I have created a file on him with all his email. Sometimes I retract mail he sends to users I think he should not communicate with enough. I know I’m crazy... but I check it more than my own. I want to tell him, but can’t." [04:14]
• The adrenaline or “rush” from snooping becomes addictive.
• Some confess to controlling or even forwarding incriminating evidence to their partners and the people communicated with.

Memorable Quotes

“Oh, honey. I have created a file on him… Sometimes I retract mail he sends to users I think he should not communicate with enough. I know I’m crazy… I get a rush off checking his email…”
— Caller [04:15]

3. Issues of Trust and Personal Boundaries

• Hosts question if distrust stems from previous relationships.
• Burt: "Even when we don't give you any reason to distrust us at all, you're still making up stuff in your heads to distrust us." [03:29]
• Another caller (“Brittany”) explains that her partner cheated, leading to her snooping: “Him screwing around [came first]... I just happened to get a call from a friend... and he came walking out with a girl.” [05:27]
• Sometimes these discoveries lead to the end of relationships, but often, women stay and continue the surveillance.

Memorable Quote

“At that time, if he screwed around, then why not just get out of the relationship rather than checking his email and his cell and all that?”
— Burt [05:50]

4. Addiction to Snooping as a Cycle

• Hosts and callers discuss how easy it is to fall into obsessive patterns:
• Caller (“Peaches”): Would check her boyfriend’s voicemail, change his passcode, and confront other women he was seeing: “And he never knew how I found out about these women and who he was fooling around with.” [06:58-07:45]
• Despite repeated deception and evidence, Peaches intends to marry him, believing “people can change.” [09:20]

Memorable Quote

“You are getting into a relationship now where, you know you can’t trust your man. You cannot trust this guy. You do not have trust, but you’re gonna marry him anyway.”
— Burt to Peaches [09:11]

5. Emotional Toll and Relationship Dynamics

• The show highlights how constant snooping is exhausting and unsustainable.
• Discussion of self-confidence and why women (and men) stay:
  • “I think for some women, it is a matter of control in which they're not getting communication they want... But if you're at the point where you're breaking into someone's voicemail or email... it's not worth it.” [06:26]
  • The “soap opera” and “game” mentality is called out as immature and ultimately self-destructive.

Memorable Quote

“It just sounds so immature that I can't believe we're talking to grown women in grown adult relationships doing this.”
— Caller/Host [10:36]

6. Can People Change? Should the Past Matter?

• A married listener details how her husband lied about prior infidelity, fueling her suspicions: “About eight months ago, he told me he had cheated on his first wife and his second wife numerous times.” [11:41]
• She admits to spreadsheeting his phone activity and sending warning emails to women from his past.
• The hosts debate: Should one’s history of cheating preclude trust? Is it ever worth marrying someone with that record?

Memorable Quote

"What makes me so different? Why is this situation so different? And how has he changed so much?"
— Caller [12:39]

• Stephanie (final caller): “I absolutely trust [my fiancé] in every way. I don’t even think I could imagine marrying somebody if they cheated on me. And then I'd have to live the rest of my life wondering if... oh, it just completely disgusts me that women don't have enough self-confidence in themselves to just say, you know, is it really worth it?” [14:01]

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• "I do it faithfully at least five times a day... I know that it's an invasion of privacy, but I don't care." — Listener email [01:51]
• "Oh, honey. I have created a file on him with all his email... I get a rush off checking his email." — Caller [04:15]
• "Even when we don’t give you any reason to distrust us at all, you’re still making up stuff in your heads to distrust us." — Burt [03:29]
• “You're gonna marry this dude?” — Burt [09:01]
• "You are getting into a relationship now where, you know you can’t trust your man... but you’re gonna marry him anyway." — Burt [09:11]
• “What makes me so different? Why is this situation so different? And how has he changed so much?" — Caller [12:39]
• “I think you’re one in a million, Bert. I don’t think all men are that way.” — Caller to Burt [13:39]
• "Is it really worth it?" — Stephanie [14:01]

Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:48 – Burt reads the original listener email about habitually checking her boyfriend’s voicemails.
• 03:29 – Discussion on whether distrust is inherited from past relationships.
• 04:14 – Caller admits to hacking and archiving boyfriend’s emails.
• 05:27 – Caller explains she started snooping after her boyfriend cheated.
• 07:45 – “Peaches” describes how she monitored her boyfriend’s phone and messaged other women.
• 09:11 – Heated debate: Peaches still plans to marry the untrustworthy boyfriend.
• 11:41 – Married caller describes spreadsheeting phone records and history of infidelity.
• 14:01 – Stephanie’s call—she trusts her partner completely and can’t relate to the snooping.

Flow & Tone

The hosts keep things lively and humorous but don’t shy away from pointing out the serious problems in toxic relationships. There’s a blend of empathy (“some women are traumatized from past relationships”) and tough love (“if you don’t trust him, why stay?”). Callers are frank, and sometimes raw, about their insecurities and mistakes.

Takeaway

The episode offers a no-holds-barred view into the cycle of suspicion in relationships, asking: Is constant surveillance a sign to leave instead of dig further? The consistent answer from both hosts and healthy-relationship callers: If you need to snoop, something’s wrong—and it’s exhausting to live that way. Trust (or the lack of it) is the true make-or-break issue.