The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Is This Woman's Road Rage Out Of Control?

Date: February 3, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa Carter, plus callers

EPISODE OVERVIEW

This lively episode of The Bert Show explores the all-too-relatable topic of road rage and the frustrations of daily traffic. The hosts and several listeners share their own tales of road rage, strategies for dealing with aggressive drivers, thoughts on reporting reckless behavior, and humorous insights into the psychology of driving. The overall tone is candid, relatable, and peppered with the show's trademark humor.

KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. Melissa Carter: Poster Child for Hating Traffic

• The episode opens with the hosts joking about Melissa’s well-documented hatred of traffic and her serious case of road rage.
  • [00:00] A: "You'd be very hard pressed to find somebody that hates traffic more than Melissa Carter."
  • [00:10] C (Melissa): "I can't stand not moving. I can't stand [it]. For some reason, I feel that everybody in front of me is purposely doing it to keep me where I need to be going."
• The crew swaps stories about local merging etiquette and how aggressive you have to be to survive city driving.
  • [00:18] A: "People in this town will absolutely not allow you to merge... you just got to stick your nose in."
  • [01:12] A: "I got a one car merge rule."

2. One-Car Merge Rule and ‘Survival of the Fittest’

• Debate on acceptable merging etiquette.
  • [01:10] A: "I got a one car merge rule."
  • [01:17] A: "What are you doing, man? I got places to be too."
  • [01:19] C (Melissa): "You got a one, then one, then one, then one. Yeah. If you let everybody in, they'll take advantage of you. Don't be the weak car. Buck up."
• Playful banter about outfitting one’s car with game-like defense features:
  • [01:30] D: "I'm surprised Melissa hasn't outfitted her car like that old arcade game Spy Hunter."

3. Callers Share Their Tales: Christy’s Dilemma with Reporting Reckless Drivers

• [03:02] E (Christy): Calls in to confess about persistent tailgaters and her urge to report them as drunk drivers, not just reckless.
  • [03:09] E: "I have an issue with people riding my bumper... I so just wanted to tap my brakes and just have him rear-end me."
  • [04:10] E: "I've had this thought twice now... wanting to call like 911 and report them as a drunken driver... but both times I’ve hesitated..."
• The hosts clarify the legal and moral issues of making a false report to the police.
  • [04:25] D: “She’s like, I’m just wondering if that’s legal. If I make something up and call the police about it.”
  • [06:01] B: “You can report reckless driving, right? Instead of reckless, you don't have to make up something."

4. Ethics and Best Practices for Reporting Bad Drivers

• Exploring what is "reportable" and advice to call for reckless—not drunk—driving:
  • [06:12] E: “Can you? Or can you just call 911 and say there’s somebody driving reckless and give their license plate?”
  • [06:26] E: "If I say they're drunk, it'll make the cops actually go out and pull them over."
  • [06:42] A: "Yeah, I'd say that's completely illegal."
• Callers and hosts stress the importance of not misusing emergency services and reporting accurately:
  • [07:47] F (Sharon): "I have called the cops on a reckless driver twice... I never said they were a drunk driver..."

5. Sweet Revenge and Road Justice

• Hosts and callers revel in “sweet” moments when bad drivers get their comeuppance:
  • [08:19] A: "Is there anything sweeter than when...they've been pulled over by a cop?"
  • [08:37] B: "You do pump your fist in the air."
  • [08:39] C (Melissa): "Take that."

6. Advice & Humorous Ideas for Managing Road Rage

• [07:19] F (Caller): Wishing for scroll screens on car windows to "give them a piece of my mind."
  • [07:22] A: "Like Times Square, you know, with that scroll going across."
  • [07:25] D: "But you will get shot... people who have the same rage that you do will read that and...slam into you."
• [10:03] G (Caller): Suggests calling the local police department directly instead of 911 for non-emergencies.
  • [10:05] G: "Call, like, the police department...instead of calling 911...it's a waste of their time."
• OnStar joked about as a stress-check service for Melissa:
  • [10:25] D: "I want to buy Melissa a car with OnStar and just hire—get the operator to randomly call her and see if she's okay..."

NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• Melissa on Road Rage:
  [00:10] C: "I can't stand not moving. I can't stand. For some reason, I feel that everybody in front of me is purposely doing it to keep me where I need to be going."

• On Merging Etiquette:
  [01:19] C (Melissa): "If you let everybody in, they'll take advantage of you. Don't be the weak car. Buck up."

• Christy’s Confession:
  [04:10] E: "Wanting to call like 911 and report them as a drunken driver and get them pulled over. But both times I’ve hesitated because...could I get in trouble for that, like a false police report?"

• Ethics of Reporting:
  [06:01] B: "You can report reckless driving, right? Instead of reckless, you don't have to make up something."

• Satisfying Road Justice:
  [08:19] A: "Is there anything sweeter than when...they've been pulled over by a cop?"

• OnStar for Road Rage:
  [10:25] D: "It could just be like OnStar: Melissa, how are you feeling today? Do you need some chamomile tea?"

TIMESTAMPS FOR IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

• 00:00-01:20 – Opening banter; Melissa’s road rage.
• 01:20-01:45 – One-car merge rule; "survival of the fittest."
• 03:02-06:46 – Christy’s call; reporting reckless vs. drunk drivers; legal and ethical discussion.
• 07:19-07:47 – Scroll screen idea for car windows; road rage consequences.
• 07:47-08:49 – Sharon’s call; sweet “road justice” moments.
• 09:26-10:01 – Hosts reflect on weaving and emergency lane users.
• 10:03-10:25 – Best practices for calling police; non-emergency line use.
• 10:25-end – OnStar joke for managing stress.

CONCLUSION

The episode humorously but thoughtfully examines the triggers and challenges of road rage, explores how people deal with aggressive drivers, and highlights the fine line between venting frustration and crossing ethical/legal lines. Listeners are reminded that while reporting dangerous behavior is important, honesty is key, and sometimes a little patience (or a joke about OnStar support) goes a long way in the battle against traffic-induced stress.