Vault: Is This Woman's Road Rage Out Of Control?

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Is This Woman's Road Rage Out Of Control?

Date: February 3, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa Carter, plus callers

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

This lively episode of The Bert Show explores the all-too-relatable topic of road rage and the frustrations of daily traffic. The hosts and several listeners share their own tales of road rage, strategies for dealing with aggressive drivers, thoughts on reporting reckless behavior, and humorous insights into the psychology of driving. The overall tone is candid, relatable, and peppered with the show's trademark humor.

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KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. Melissa Carter: Poster Child for Hating Traffic

• The episode opens with the hosts joking about Melissa’s well-documented hatred of traffic and her serious case of road rage.
  • [00:00] A: "You'd be very hard pressed to find somebody that hates traffic more than Melissa Carter."
  • [00:10] C (Melissa): "I can't stand not moving. I can't stand [it]. For some reason, I feel that everybody in front of me is purposely doing it to keep me where I need to be going."
• The crew swaps stories about local merging etiquette and how aggressive you have to be to survive city driving.
  • [00:18] A: "People in this town will absolutely not allow you to merge... you just got to stick your nose in."
  • [01:12] A: "I got a one car merge rule."

2. One-Car Merge Rule and ‘Survival of the Fittest’

• Debate on acceptable merging etiquette.
  • [01:10] A: "I got a one car merge rule."
  • [01:17] A: "What are you doing, man? I got places to be too."
  • [01:19] C (Melissa): "You got a one, then one, then one, then one. Yeah. If you let everybody in, they'll take advantage of you. Don't be the weak car. Buck up."
• Playful banter about outfitting one’s car with game-like defense features:
  • [01:30] D: "I'm surprised Melissa hasn't outfitted her car like that old arcade game Spy Hunter."

3. Callers Share Their Tales: Christy’s Dilemma with Reporting Reckless Drivers

• [03:02] E (Christy): Calls in to confess about persistent tailgaters and her urge to report them as drunk drivers, not just reckless.
  • [03:09] E: "I have an issue with people riding my bumper... I so just wanted to tap my brakes and just have him rear-end me."
  • [04:10] E: "I've had this thought twice now... wanting to call like 911 and report them as a drunken driver... but both times I’ve hesitated..."
• The hosts clarify the legal and moral issues of making a false report to the police.
  • [04:25] D: “She’s like, I’m just wondering if that’s legal. If I make something up and call the police about it.”
  • [06:01] B: “You can report reckless driving, right? Instead of reckless, you don't have to make up something."

4. Ethics and Best Practices for Reporting Bad Drivers

• Exploring what is "reportable" and advice to call for reckless—not drunk—driving:
  • [06:12] E: “Can you? Or can you just call 911 and say there’s somebody driving reckless and give their license plate?”
  • [06:26] E: "If I say they're drunk, it'll make the cops actually go out and pull them over."
  • [06:42] A: "Yeah, I'd say that's completely illegal."
• Callers and hosts stress the importance of not misusing emergency services and reporting accurately:
  • [07:47] F (Sharon): "I have called the cops on a reckless driver twice... I never said they were a drunk driver..."

5. Sweet Revenge and Road Justice

• Hosts and callers revel in “sweet” moments when bad drivers get their comeuppance:
  • [08:19] A: "Is there anything sweeter than when...they've been pulled over by a cop?"
  • [08:37] B: "You do pump your fist in the air."
  • [08:39] C (Melissa): "Take that."

6. Advice & Humorous Ideas for Managing Road Rage

• [07:19] F (Caller): Wishing for scroll screens on car windows to "give them a piece of my mind."
  • [07:22] A: "Like Times Square, you know, with that scroll going across."
  • [07:25] D: "But you will get shot... people who have the same rage that you do will read that and...slam into you."
• [10:03] G (Caller): Suggests calling the local police department directly instead of 911 for non-emergencies.
  • [10:05] G: "Call, like, the police department...instead of calling 911...it's a waste of their time."
• OnStar joked about as a stress-check service for Melissa:
  • [10:25] D: "I want to buy Melissa a car with OnStar and just hire—get the operator to randomly call her and see if she's okay..."

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NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• Melissa on Road Rage:
  [00:10] C: "I can't stand not moving. I can't stand. For some reason, I feel that everybody in front of me is purposely doing it to keep me where I need to be going."

• On Merging Etiquette:
  [01:19] C (Melissa): "If you let everybody in, they'll take advantage of you. Don't be the weak car. Buck up."

• Christy’s Confession:
  [04:10] E: "Wanting to call like 911 and report them as a drunken driver and get them pulled over. But both times I’ve hesitated because...could I get in trouble for that, like a false police report?"

• Ethics of Reporting:
  [06:01] B: "You can report reckless driving, right? Instead of reckless, you don't have to make up something."

• Satisfying Road Justice:
  [08:19] A: "Is there anything sweeter than when...they've been pulled over by a cop?"

• OnStar for Road Rage:
  [10:25] D: "It could just be like OnStar: Melissa, how are you feeling today? Do you need some chamomile tea?"

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TIMESTAMPS FOR IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

• 00:00-01:20 – Opening banter; Melissa’s road rage.
• 01:20-01:45 – One-car merge rule; "survival of the fittest."
• 03:02-06:46 – Christy’s call; reporting reckless vs. drunk drivers; legal and ethical discussion.
• 07:19-07:47 – Scroll screen idea for car windows; road rage consequences.
• 07:47-08:49 – Sharon’s call; sweet “road justice” moments.
• 09:26-10:01 – Hosts reflect on weaving and emergency lane users.
• 10:03-10:25 – Best practices for calling police; non-emergency line use.
• 10:25-end – OnStar joke for managing stress.

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CONCLUSION

The episode humorously but thoughtfully examines the triggers and challenges of road rage, explores how people deal with aggressive drivers, and highlights the fine line between venting frustration and crossing ethical/legal lines. Listeners are reminded that while reporting dangerous behavior is important, honesty is key, and sometimes a little patience (or a joke about OnStar support) goes a long way in the battle against traffic-induced stress.

Transcript

[A]

The Birch show. And we have detailed for you over the years that you'd be very hard pressed to find somebody that hates traffic more than Melissa Carter.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

I mean, she's got this serious case of road rage.

[C]

Oh, I can't stand not moving. I can't stand. For some reason, I feel that everybody in front of me is purposely doing it to keep me where I need to be going.

[A]

I noticed this on Friday. People in this town will absolutely not allow you to merge. Do never use your turn signal to try to go from lane to lane. In this. In this city, you just got to.

[B]

Stick your nose in.

[A]

You have to. You have to be aggressive.

[C]

What's your fault that you weren't there anyway? I mean that to me, that's always the attitude of the people that were that you. When you try to merge into, it seems that they feel like, well, I mean, what you were trying to get in my lane for. Because you should have been there beforehand. Why are you trying to get in now?

[A]

I mean, it's just impossible. And you're going to save all of about 4 seconds of time if you let me in. You know, Are you going to. And then I find myself as that guy 100 yards down the road. So I'm frustrated at the guy that won't allow me to merge, but then once I get in his lane, somebody wants me to merge. I'm like, screw you. I've been here for 100 yards already.

[B]

Do you do that if you see somebody merge in, then you try to go get in front of them because you're like, oh, well, they just did it. They're going to be nicer to me because they just merged in sometimes.

[A]

I got a one car merge rule.

[D]

That's it.

[B]

Only one in.

[A]

I'll get mad at somebody in front of me if they let more than one car merge.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you doing, man? I got places to be, too.

[C]

No, you got a one, then one, then one, then one. Yeah. If you let everybody in, they'll take advantage of you. Don't be the weak car. Yeah, don't be the weak car. Fuck up. Buck up.

[A]

It's survival of the fittest out there, people.

[D]

I'm surprised Melissa hasn't outfitted her car like that old arcade game Spy hunter.

[C]

Oh, you know what I should.

[D]

Blades that come out of your hubcaps. Smoke and oil. Axles.

[C]

Yeah. I certainly give feedback to the people in front of me. If they're like, even if they're feedback, go, keep going. Don't let them Go.

[D]

I had to yell at Jessica, like, as mad as I have been at her in a long time, because we were on the 75, 85, where they come together going south. Yeah. And I don't know somebody, I can't remember what they did, but they either wouldn't let her over or whatever. And so when they went by, Jessica was doing this.

[C]

Shooting the bird.

[D]

Yeah. And I couldn't see it because she did it next to her head. And I wasn't even paying attention. But the person slammed on their brakes and slowed down. So now they were next to Jessica and they were like, shrugging at her. And so then I'm like, that was that person's problem. And Jessica's like, well, this is what I did. And I legitimately got mad because you people, like, so, you know what I mean?

[A]

I've had that sheer panic, too. And I say I yell out my car or I flip somebody off, and then I realize that the. The light just went from yellow to red and they're going to be right next to me in five seconds and I'm. Damn it, I'm going to have to have a real confrontation. Can't be a sissy about it any longer. That sucks. Well, Christie has.

[D]

You avoid eye contact. You pull a magazine out. He got the mail earlier that day, so you just start reading. Oh, man, this water bill is fascinating. Look at this year compared to last.

[A]

Christy might have it worse than you do. Ms. Carter. Good morning, Christy.

[E]

Good morning, Burke show.

[A]

How are you today?

[E]

I'm wonderful. How are you guys doing?

[A]

Okay. You have to get into this traffic every single day?

[E]

Yes, it's every day, but I mean, it's not, you know, just my morning commute. I mean, it's all the time. I have an issue with people riding my bumper. Like, I don't understand why you ride my bumper. Does it mean that the longer you ride it, the faster I'm going to go? I mean, I don't get it. So on Friday, I was kind of at my wits end with this guy behind me because for like two miles, I mean, he was literally like six inches from my bumper. And I so just wanted to tap my brakes and just have him rear in me. But, you know, I didn't want to get into a wreck on my way to work. So anyway, I've had this thought twice now in the past month that, you know, like, these people, they get around me and then they get in front of me and then they want to go slow to, like, get back at me or something. Well, when they're in front of me again, I'm looking at their license plate number. My get back to them would be wanting to call like 911 and report them as a drunken driver and get them pulled over. But both times I've hesitated because I don't know, could I get in trouble for that, like a false police report or.

[C]

Well, I want to go, but.

[A]

Yeah, we got to get a police officer to call us and let us know. You can't do that.

[C]

Lying to a cop and putting them through all that for no reason.

[D]

But listen to her question for one second. Melissa, like, she's like, I'm just wondering if that's legal. If I make something up and call the police about it.

[B]

You know what?

[C]

I can understand the. But I do want to go back to. Okay, so is it the same people that do this to you or. I mean, because I don't know, it's.

[E]

Been two different people.

[C]

Okay. And so they're riding upon your bumper, then they go around you, then they get in front of you and go slow, Right.

[E]

And on Friday when this occurred, there was. He cut off a Mack truck to the right of me, and the Mack truck like, blew his horn at him. And then he like, there was a little gap in front of the Mack truck. So he got over to the right and then I eased back just so that I could get his license plate number because I was like, really tempted to call 911 on him. And he got back in front of me, and that's just how it happened. And, you know, we got off at the same exit at the exact same time off Dark Road. So it was like he didn't get anywhere further or faster than I did. And I was just like, you know, didn't know if how that happened, you know, possible drunk driver. I mean, I'm not saying like, you know, caused an accident.

[D]

You don't think he. You don't think he's drunk?

[E]

No, probably not.

[C]

I. Well, I'm just trying to clarify. So the truck is to your right, and he's trying to get. Are you a slow driver in the left hand lane? Is what I'm.

[E]

No, no, I'm not. I swear to God.

[C]

You know, if I'm on your side or if I. Because slow traffic to the left really is a pet peeve.

[A]

I feel like two traffic polls are.

[E]

Not to go at it. Yeah, no, I'm definitely not one of those slow drivers in left hand lane. That pisses me off more than anything either. If you're in the left Hand lane, go fast, right?

[C]

Yeah. Well, okay.

[E]

But no, I was in a two lane road with thick traffic, so you couldn't go anywhere in either lane.

[B]

You can report reckless driving, right? Instead of reckless, you don't have to make up something. I mean, whatever he was doing was obviously, you know, putting you and the other truck in danger. You can report that part, right?

[E]

Can you? Or can you just call 911 and say there's somebody driving reckless and giving their license plate?

[D]

Well, you can say tailgating, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You can see they're driving recklessly, but you don't have to say they're drunk.

[A]

Yeah. And if he cuts off like an 18 wheeler and all that, I just maybe.

[E]

I think maybe if I say they're drunk, it'll make the cops actually go out and pull them over. You know, if they offer somebody tailgating, they probably would.

[D]

Yeah. Because then if there's a real drunk driver or maybe somebody who needs cop help, they're calling your, you know, they're following your false drunk driver. That's cool.

[A]

Yeah, I'd say that's completely illegal.

[E]

I hadn't even thought about that. Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Tina, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[F]

Morning. I normally don't call in, but this is one of those things where traffic makes me hate people. But my fiance is a police officer and I'll be riding with him and he gets tense in the passenger seat. He really hates riding with me because he says I have the worst road rage. But I was telling him and my mom not long ago that. Have you ever seen those scroll screens in store windows and stuff where they can type in whatever and it'll scroll? I tell them that I wish I had one on my front windshield and back windshield. That I could really give them a piece of my mind.

[C]

That's a great idea.

[A]

Like Times Square, you know, with that scroll going across.

[D]

But you will get shot. Like that's the same argument I had with Jessica. People will kill you now. Like people who have the same rage that you do will read that and without even thinking turn their car to the right and slam into you and knock you into the wall.

[A]

I can't wait till we're living in a time where everybody has those and you could actually see the text arguments going on in everybody's car together. Good morning, Sharon, you're on Q100.

[F]

Good morning. I was just calling to let you guys know I have called the cops on a reckless driver twice. Once it was an 18 wheeler, and both times I have seen the Car pulled over. And it is probably the Swedish revenge. I never said they were a drunk driver. I addressed that. I was in fear for my life. There was a reckless driver on the road who couldn't maintain his lane and was cutting cars off. And I was very dangerous. I was very scared. And, you know, I've got my young child in the car, and they stayed with me on the phone until the cop gets behind him and pulls him over.

[B]

Perfectly legal.

[A]

Is there anything sweeter that when you're in the fast lane and you're going along, you're tooling along pretty well also, you know, way over the speed limit, you shouldn't be. That when somebody comes behind you and starts flashing their lights at you to get over, even though you're going above the speed limit already, and then 10 minutes later, down the road, they've been pulled over by a cop. Is there anything sweeter than that?

[B]

You do pump your fist in the air.

[C]

Take that.

[A]

So I would say, yes, it is illegal for you to call in somebody as a drunk driver, but it's certainly legit for you to call it in as a reckless driver.

[E]

Oh, I'm all for that. Which I'll definitely do next time and.

[D]

Make sure they are reckless. And you're not just a little too aggressive or too slow or too slow?

[E]

No, I'm not too slow. I swear I'm not one of those people.

[C]

I swear I do. I will say that if. If you're in traffic and the car that weaves in and out, those people irritate me as much as the slow drivers.

[A]

There's another sweet scene too, when somebody is weaving in and out of traffic and they're causing everybody to slam on their brakes, and then they have the realization when they get to the intersection at the exact same time you did that, they just got all stressed out for zero because you're all going the same speed.

[C]

I mean, I've got road ratio. I don't do the weaving. I mean, I may get angry that I'm not getting somewhere, but I do. I am realizing that we all are trying to get somewhere at the same time. Weaving is not making you any more. And the emergency. Anyway, the emergency lane people, blood pressure rising. I just thought the weaving people. And that if you get off on an emergency lane because you think you're more spec. If your car is not overheating and you get in that emergency lane to get off in traffic, you. What Jeff said about slamming into you, you deserve to have a car block you for sure, because that's the emergency lane. You are not more special than everybody.

[E]

Else on the road.

[A]

Hey, ally here on Q100.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Hey.

[F]

I just want to ask her to.

[G]

Call, like, the police department, their county. She drives in. Tell her to call them directly instead of calling 911. Because I've been in an accident where I needed to call 911 and I've been on hold for five minutes. And I know they're busy people, but I just feel like it's a waste of their time. I know it's a really important thing, but there are other really important emergencies that they need to be attended to.

[D]

I want to buy Melissa a car with OnStar and just hire. Get the operator to randomly call her and see if she's okay. So it's like, you know how it's like OnStar. We see your airbags have gone off. It could just be like OnStar. Melissa, how are you feeling today? Do you need some chamomile tea? We put some in your glove compartment for you. The birch show.