Vault: Listeners Confess To Never Reading A Book

Summary

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The Bert Show — "Vault: Listeners Confess To Never Reading A Book"

Date: January 16, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show (via Pionaire Podcasting)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into an unusual confession: the act of never having read a full book, cover to cover. Inspired by Victoria Beckham’s public admission of the same, Bert and the team challenge their audience to call in if they share this experience. What begins as a segment the hosts expect to yield no responses quickly transforms into an eye-opening discussion as multiple listeners come forward, admitting they've never finished an entire book. The episode blends humor, disbelief, and curiosity as the cast unpacks the reasons behind this phenomenon and listener stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Victoria Beckham's Confession as the Starting Point

• Bert introduces the topic by referencing Victoria Beckham (Sporty/Posh Spice) revealing she has never read a book:
  • "Victoria Beckham just released a book...she confessed she has never read a book." (00:40)
• The cast is initially incredulous and skeptical that listeners will relate.

2. Listener Call-In Challenge

• Bert raises the bar:
  • "Is there any Bert show listener that has never, ever read a full book before, cover to cover?" (01:28)
• The rules are established: even children's books count, nothing from "cover to cover" means truly no full books at all.

3. Surprising Callers Admit to Never Reading a Book

• Miriam (First Caller) [02:19]

  • Has never read a book, though she is fully literate and has graduated college.
  • Relied on Cliff Notes throughout school; never finished even classics or children’s books.
  • "I grew up with a nanny who never read us any books. And I would just look at the pictures...I would read Cliff Notes." (02:31)
  • Works as a human resources manager at 21 years old.
  • When asked if she feels left out in conversation, Miriam admits:
    • "Not really. I mean, if it's a good book, I'll read the summary of it just so I know I'm talking about it..." (05:02)

• Cecilia (Second Caller) [05:28]

  • 28 years old, left school in 10th grade but is fully literate.
  • Has never finished any book, including children's books, with or for her kids.
  • "My kids read books, but I don't read them." (06:20)
  • Describes her kids being rough with books, explains her preference for magazines and "interesting" celebrity stories.
  • "Books is interesting to me." (08:15, self-correction: should be "aren’t interesting")

• Brian (Third Caller) [08:38]

  • 29 years old, college graduate working in computer programming and fitness training.
  • Uses books as references but never reads them fully:
    • "I have 165 IQ...but I've never read a book cover to cover." (09:22)
  • Never read more than a chapter at a time; attributes lack of drive for reading to upbringing.

4. Cast’s Reactions and Philosophical Discussion

• The hosts express a blend of shock, humor, and reflection:
  • "I feel sad for her, I really do...Because you pass that down to your kids." (08:33)
  • There’s conversation about how the habit (or absence) of reading might be generational or passed along through parental engagement.
  • Other listeners call in to express their astonishment, while one avid reader notes:
    • "I read, like, three books a week. But the reality is that, I mean, I know quite a few folks who don't read...reading cultivates an imagination and a vocabulary that you don't have if you don't read." (10:44)

5. Broader Themes

• The segment teases out themes around the value of reading, the impact of childhood experiences and parental influence, and alternative forms of consuming information (summaries, magazines, movies).
• The hosts acknowledge different learning and entertainment preferences, and the changing landscape around reading and literacy.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (on the premise):

  • "I think I've got the one question that will pertain to absolutely nobody in the Burt show listening audience." (00:05)

• Miriam (on college and work):

  • "I'm a manager…of human resources." (03:25)

• Cecilia (on kids and books):

  • "My kids read books, but I don't read them... Any book I buy them or any book they get from Happy Meals and Chick Fil A or something, they will sit there and…he was just tearing it up in the backseat." (06:20–07:00)

• Brian (on intelligence and reading):

  • "I have 165 IQ. I've been tested, but I've never read a book cover to cover." (09:22)

• Host (reflecting on sadness):

  • "Because you pass that down to your kids and all, you know." (08:38)

• Avid Reader Maria (caller):

  • "Reading cultivates an imagination and a vocabulary that you don't have if you don't read." (10:44)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 0:40 — Victoria Beckham's confession sparks the conversation.
• 1:28 — Challenge put to listeners: has anyone really never read a book?
• 2:19 — First caller Miriam admits to never finishing a book.
• 5:28 — Cecilia calls in; never read a book or to her kids.
• 8:38 — Brian, a literate, highly intelligent adult, joins the confessions.
• 10:44 — Avid reader Maria shares why reading matters to her and her family.

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Summary & Tone

The Bert Show takes its signature blend of humor and authenticity to a surprisingly popular (and slightly polarizing) topic: adults who have never read a book from start to finish. While the cast enters the conversation with disbelief, the volume and candor of the calls challenge assumptions about reading, learning, and what counts as “literacy.” Listeners share stories shaped by upbringing, school strategies (Cliff Notes), parenting approaches, and personal taste. The mood remains open, nonjudgmental, and peppered with laughter, even as the topic unexpectedly touches on deeper issues of childhood, education, and culture.

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For non-listeners:
This episode is both entertaining and revealing, showing that even experiences most consider “universal” often aren’t. Reading habits, or their absence, can come from a complex mix of personal, cultural, and circumstantial factors—and there’s always someone out there living a story you’ve never considered.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the Burt Show. I think our game stops today.

[B]

You got it.

[C]

You got it.

[A]

I think I've got the one question that will pertain to absolutely nobody in the Burt show listening audience.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Because we've joked on this show, I mean, we've had the most random conversations, and it seems like there's at least one person listening in our audience that says, oh, they're talking about me. And then they call up, right? I've got it. I've got it. Today.

[C]

Nobody is gonna be able to relate to this.

[A]

Nobody will call today.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Is this gonna be like, have ever gotten someone fired from Neiman Marcus for trying to give water to your dogs?

[A]

Well, we would get a call on that.

[D]

Well, you already know she won't come on with us, so I figured you're.

[A]

Just trying to be the winner. All right, here it is, cuz. Victoria. I should say Sporty Spice. Victoria Beckham just released a book. And while she was doing a press conference the other day, she confessed she has never read a book.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

Is that. That's what she says she's never read Victoria Beck. When she Posh Spies, she was.

[A]

This says 40. Spice. Okay, posh.

[B]

But she. How old is she? She's in her 30s, right?

[A]

Gotta be.

[C]

And she's never read a book.

[A]

She says. I mean, she's gone through school. She says she has never read a book. I don't even know how that's an entire book.

[C]

Cover to cover, finished a novel.

[D]

This is probably like you, where you've never had a full coke. Like, she's probably dabbled in it, but never read the entire thing.

[A]

Has never read a full. Full book before.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Is there any Bert show listener that has never, ever read a full book before COVID to cover?

[B]

Can you. That. And you're literate.

[A]

Doesn't necessarily have to mean that. Not one Dick and Jane book.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Not one Run Spot Run. Not Clifford the Big Red Dog. Not Fade the phone book.

[C]

So if you've read a children's book cover to cover, then you can't call.

[A]

You can't call. No book. Nothing from COVID to cover.

[C]

I think you might be right.

[A]

404-741-1005. There are three lines lit up right now already.

[C]

No, look at them.

[A]

All right, we'll take them after Chef 5. Look at this.

[D]

This is virtually all the Stockbridge 5.

[B]

You said. Jeff said that. Jeff said it.

[A]

Miriam says, stand back, Bircho. I have never read a book. Hello, Miriam. Hey, Good morning.

[E]

Good morning.

[A]

You have never Ever read a book cover to cover?

[E]

No. I grew up with a nanny who never read us any books. And I would just look at the pictures. I'm totally literate, but whenever I was in school, I would read Cliff Notes.

[B]

How old are you now?

[E]

I am 21.

[C]

Did you graduate from high school?

[E]

Graduated college, too?

[A]

College. And you've never read a book because you read the CliffsNotes?

[E]

Yep.

[A]

Never read.

[B]

You never read Are youe There, God? It's me, Margaret.

[C]

You never read the lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Nope.

[A]

Never.

[B]

Oh, you missed out Harry Potter.

[A]

Have you now, you said that you've read the CliffsNotes. Have you ever actually opened up a book and started reading it? Then around page, I don't know, 104. You're like, this isn't working for me.

[E]

Of course.

[A]

And how far have you gotten in any of these books? Halfway. Three fourths of the way, probably half.

[E]

Probably, like, the front part of it and then the end part of it.

[C]

What do you do for a living?

[E]

I'm a manager.

[D]

Of what?

[E]

Human resources.

[A]

Oh, come on. And you've never read a book? I'm fascinated. I'm 21. Went to high school, went to college, got the diploma. Have never read a book cover to cover.

[F]

I ain't never done read no book.

[E]

Burt, where'd you go to college?

[D]

I ain't got no need for no book learning.

[C]

Where did you go to college?

[E]

In Pennsylvania.

[B]

Yeah, it's not a Southern thing, guys. Well, I think.

[A]

Where in Pennsylvania? I'm just curious.

[E]

I'd rather not say. Yeah.

[A]

You didn't go to a school called iup, did you?

[G]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's my wife's school, but it's. Well, no, I'm curious. Well, yeah, she's 21. I'm curious as someone who's older, because I know I didn't start enjoying reading until I was out of school, so I've probably read more books. Yeah. Y.

[A]

Had to read books. You're forced to read books.

[B]

I know, but I did the CliffsNotes, too, and I did the skipping around. I'm just curious that. Not on your personal time. You never read full books.

[F]

Harlequin romance novels. You get a little.

[B]

Because I. I mean, I definitely read more books as an adult than I did in school, for sure, because it was not assigned anymore. You know.

[A]

I still get very, very bored reading books. I mean, they have to get my attention in the first couple of pages or I'm pretty much out. But every now and then, there's a book that keeps my attention Enough to where I'll read it cover to cover. You've gone 21 years, never read a book.

[F]

Now, in conversation, do you kind of feel out of place if people are talking? Because I love reading books and talking to people. Bert and I were just talking about Bono's new book and Harry Potter and all these different things. Do you feel like sometimes you can't kind of keep up with conversation?

[E]

Not really. I mean, if it's a good book, I'll read the summary of it just so I know I'm talking about it if other people are talking about it. But I've tried going to the bookstore and reading.

[A]

The whole thing's starting to break up.

[D]

She doesn't read.

[A]

I would say read the manual and your owners get the owner's manual, but you'll never get through it. More than one. More than one call.

[B]

Because I was gonna say most of the best books are made into movies anyway, so why do they need to read, you know?

[A]

Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hello?

[E]

Hello?

[A]

Hi, who is this?

[E]

Cecilia.

[A]

Hi, Cecilia.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

You two have never read a book cover to cover?

[E]

Nope.

[A]

Come on now, how old are you?

[E]

28.

[B]

28.

[C]

And did you graduate from high school?

[E]

Nope.

[C]

When did you leave school?

[E]

10Th grade.

[C]

You left school in 10th grade, but never as a child? Never a children's book, cover to cover? Never any books.

[A]

Can you read?

[E]

Yeah, I can read. I can read. I'll read like magazines and stuff, little pages, but not all the way through. I just never in school I'd read, but I would lose interest, so I just put it down and never read it all the way through.

[D]

What the hell you talking about? Bur can I read?

[E]

Come on, I can read. What do you do?

[A]

Don't mean to offend, just it's an obvious question.

[D]

I got the whole back of a carton of camels memorized. I read that like breakfast.

[E]

My kids read books, but I don't read them.

[C]

So you've never read a book with your kids cover to cover either?

[G]

Nope.

[C]

The first lady just fell over.

[A]

Even when I put my kid to sleep at night, I mean, there are these six or seven page books that I read with him. You've never sat down and read that from COVID to cover?

[E]

My kids don't keep books. You give them a book, they'll read that my oldest reads. He'll read it, he'll read it to me, but then he puts it down and my 4 year old will take the book and he'll tear it up. They will never keep a book. Any book I buy them or any book they get from Happy Meals and Chick Fil A or something, they will sit there and literally, like, two weeks ago, my son was just tearing. My daughter had a book, and he was just tearing it up in the backseat.

[A]

Did you say.

[D]

Did you just say you were getting your kids books at Chick Fil A?

[E]

You know, Chick Fil A, when you go in there and buy a Happy Meal, they don't give you a toy. They give you a book and a Happy Meal.

[B]

That's good, though.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, that's good, though.

[A]

Well, it's good if they're reading it. It's not so good if they're tearing it up.

[B]

Tearing it up.

[C]

It doesn't sound like they have respect for the books.

[E]

I have to open the book and give it to them. If not, they'll take the book out and say, it's not a toy and they'll throw it away. Or if I open it up and give it to them, my daughter will look through it and my other kids will get a hold of it and they'll tear it up and throw it away.

[F]

So why don't you sit down and actually try reading it with them? Maybe.

[E]

I guess I'll have to. I mean, I guess I can. I just never. When y' all said that on the radio and said, nobody's gonna call, y' all said, somebody ain't. Somebody else hasn't done. I said, well, shoot, I really haven't done it. So that's why I called to let y' all know that, I mean, it's been done. I can read. I'm a. I'm like a speed reader. I read real fast. Like, I'll read Maggie's Life if I'm reading a magazine or if I'm reading a newspaper, my kid will say, read it to me, mom, and I'll read it to him real fast. Better than that. I don't get into novels. I don't get. My mom gets into novels, but I don't get into book novels.

[A]

What kind of magazines are you reading?

[E]

Like, them things that have Britney Spears and, like, Kevin Federline, all the stuff about them in there. Or about Jessica Simpson, her and Nick, her husband.

[A]

Right. I'm sorry.

[E]

Because that's interesting. But books is interesting to me.

[D]

What about damn Harlequin novels?

[A]

You read that money, Jeff?

[B]

Now there's. I mean, there. The phone lines are lit up, though.

[A]

I mean, well, now it's mostly people going, I can't believe these people because.

[B]

I thought, I cannot believe all the phone lines are blinking. But yeah, but wait. I mean, there's two right there.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[E]

You're welcome.

[A]

Bye. Bye. I feel sad for her, I really do.

[F]

Her, the kids. The whole situation's kind of.

[A]

Because you pass that down to your kids and all, you know. Good morning, Brian. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hey.

[G]

Hey, how's it going?

[A]

All right, sir. What's up?

[G]

Well, I hear that you guys are pretty surprised that no one in this country has read a book or somebody in this country hasn't read a book, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Well, I've never read a book cover.

[A]

To cover you need it. How old are you?

[G]

29.

[C]

Okay, question. Did you go to high school?

[G]

Yeah, I finished high school. I went to college. I worked on computers for a living. I do programming and computer build and specialty computer builds. I've used books as references. You know, I know programming and I can work just about any piece of software. I've been working in Photoshop for about eight years. I've been doing flash for a long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

And I have 165 IQ. I've been tested, but I've never read a book cover to cover.

[F]

Do you have any kids?

[G]

No, no kids. I have two dogs.

[B]

Why, why do you think you haven't read a book? I mean, does it bore you or. I mean, even as a kid, I.

[G]

Think it just bores me. And I think it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I was never really driven towards reading books when I was a kid. Only people I see who read all the time, their parents were real into getting them into reading books.

[B]

Not to stereotype, but you're a computer guy. You never read Lord of the Rings, you never read.

[A]

Come on, you're disappointed.

[F]

You're my fellow geek.

[B]

What are you doing?

[G]

Not only am I a computer guy, but I'm also a fitness trainer, so I'm fit too. I'm not a fat computer guy. I'm a fit computer guy.

[B]

Not all computer guys are.

[A]

I'm just curious how far along in the longest book that you've ever read have you gotten?

[G]

I've never read more than a chapter at one time.

[A]

One chapter and that's it?

[G]

Yeah, I mean, now if you were to take some of the reference books that I, that I have that I use for my learning purposes and count up all the chapters in the book, I may have gotten, I don't know, almost half book.

[F]

What do these people do when they're laying on the beach? Because that's when I read.

[B]

I don't think he's laying on the beach.

[F]

No.

[A]

Maria. Good morning. Good morning.

[H]

How are you guys doing?

[A]

Shocked.

[E]

I know.

[H]

I am, too. I read, like, three books a week. But the reality is that, I mean, I know quite a few folks who don't read. My sister never reads, so I'm the one who reads to my nephews. It's just amazing to me because reading cultivates an imagination and a vocabulary that you don't have if you don't read. And, you know, people get into watching TV for entertainment purposes. And for me, I think it's very limiting. I think that you can. You can get a lot out of reading in the same way. As far as entertainment value. I read, like, three books a week, and it doesn't matter if it's something as trite as, you know, a Danielle Steele novel. I don't know. It's just amazing to me.

[B]

Only somebody who reads three books a week would say trite.

[G]

Right?

[A]

Hey, the Bird Show.