The Bert Show – “Vault: Mom’s Battle with Birth Control”

Date: November 3, 2025
Hosts: Bert (Birch), Jen, Male Co-host, plus callers
Main Theme:
A mother (“Sue”) seeks advice about putting her teenage daughter on birth control against her husband’s strong objections, sparking a debate among hosts and listeners about parental roles, teen sexuality, honesty, and decision-making in families.

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on a real and emotional dilemma faced by “Sue,” a mother worried about her 15-year-old daughter’s relationship and the possibility of pregnancy. Sue’s husband is staunchly against putting their daughter on birth control, believing in “consequences” over prevention, while Sue feels responsible for protecting her daughter's future. The Bert Show team and listeners discuss the parental dynamics, communication with teens, gender perspectives on teen sexuality, and whether it’s ever justifiable for one parent to take action against the other’s wishes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sue’s Dilemma and Background

• [01:33–04:29]
  • Sue, using a voice disguiser, explains her predicament: her nearly 16-year-old daughter is in 11th grade and has had a boyfriend for a year.
  • Sue had a vague “talk” with her daughter (“big eyes, shoulders up”) but isn’t sure about her sexual activity; she suspects her daughter is sexually active and wants to put her on birth control for safety and her future.
  • Sue’s husband is adamantly opposed, saying their daughter must learn consequences for her actions and refuses to discuss it further, leading to a standoff between the parents.
  • Sue made a gynecologist appointment regardless, debating whether to go behind her husband’s back.

Moral vs. Practical Parenting

• [04:48–07:15]
  • The hosts get into the two levels of this issue:
    1. Is it the right call, as a mother, to put a teenage daughter on birth control?
    2. Is it okay to make such a big decision without – or against – the father's input?
  • Bert draws parallels to other shared parenting decisions, highlighting the uniqueness and seriousness of the issue.
  • Jen comments:
    • “I just don't think that daddies can look at their daughters very objectively or realistically…” ([06:12])
    • “A daughter at that stage in her life is making adult decisions and needs some adult guidance and help with that…getting to a doctor, it's gonna be the healthiest thing for that teenager.” ([07:51])

Arguments for Birth Control and Honesty

• [07:43–09:12]
  • Jen asserts she’d openly defy her husband if she knew her daughter was sexually active:
    • “If I had a teenage daughter that I knew was sexually active and he was refusing to allow her to go on the pill, I would openly defy him.” ([08:54])
  • The male co-host disagrees about secrecy, arguing the issue isn’t just between mother and daughter because of the shared parental responsibility.

Professional & Listener Perspectives

• [09:26–10:27]
  • Taylor/Brittany (Caller): Works at a health department; suggests Sue bring her husband to a clinic to witness firsthand how many teens are pregnant:
    • “Walk in the doors of any health department and you will see children with babies.” ([10:18])
  • Bert and Jen agree this could provide a reality check for Sue’s husband.

Balancing Prevention with Values

• [10:50–11:49]
  • Joy (Caller): Supports Sue and stresses prevention, not endorsement, of teen sex.
    • “You're protecting your child. And that's the number one job that a parent has. And sometimes it's not going to make everybody happy.” ([11:23])
    • Emphasizes conversations about STDs as well as pregnancy (“unwanted critters” – [11:43]).

Dads' Perspectives and Parental Dynamics

• [12:10–12:52]
  • Male co-host sees the mother’s role as ultimately convincing the father, not going behind his back.
  • Jen points out that fathers see their daughters as “the little girl they were raising in the little patent shoes” and struggle to view them as mature.

Critique of ‘Green Light’ Messaging

• [12:52–14:38]
  • Brittany (Caller):
    • 19 years old, says if her parents had forced birth control without knowing for sure she was sexual active, it might feel like a “green light” to have sex.
    • Advocates for honest communication and cautions against making assumptions or unintentional permission-giving.

How Teens Respond to “The Talk”

• [14:38–15:14]
  • Jen and the male co-host argue that a teen’s evasiveness (“big eyes and homework excuses”) often signals they are, in fact, sexually active.

Consensus on the Best Approach

• [15:14–16:39]
  • The suggestion from the health department worker resonates: try to “shock” dad into understanding with a visit to a public clinic.
  • Jen advises not telling the husband where they are going, to avoid defensiveness.
    • “I would not even tell him where you're going. I would just say, we gotta go somewhere. I need you to come with me. And don't bring your daughter. Just the two of you. Go and sit in the waiting room...” ([15:44])
  • Sue recognizes she can't do it behind his back and will have to confront him openly, even if it makes him angry.

Gendered Persistence in Decision-Making

• [16:18–17:24]
  • Male co-host jokes about how wives can chip away at a husband's resistance (“just start talking about it nonstop, day in, day out”), likening it to debates over décor ("animal print everything") – humor lightening the conversation:
    • “You will beat us down. You will chip away and chip away and chip away at that.” ([16:39])
  • Bert comically reflects that in marriage, resistance eventually gives way:
    • “If I say no, in another two months, it's gonna happen anyway. So thank you for respectfully manipulating me.” ([17:05])

Final Takeaway

• Sue thanks the hosts and listeners for the support, echoing the advice that this discussion must be faced openly, prioritizing her daughter’s health and future.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sue: “I want her to have a good life. I want her to go to college. And you know, there's no room for a baby right now. This just isn't going to happen.” ([02:27])
• Jen: “Him just saying, no, absolutely not, you can't have sex is not going to keep her from having sex. So he could have a pregnant teenage daughter on his hands within the next year or two, and then what is ruling with an iron fist done?” ([08:18])
• Joy (Caller): “Sometimes dads don't have that objective opinion about their daughters. …It's easier to prevent it than it is to raise a child for 18 years.” ([11:52])
• Taylor/Brittany (Caller): “Walk in the doors of any health department and you will see children with babies.” ([10:18])
• Brittany (Caller): “If my parents had actually decided to put me on birth control because they thought I was doing something I wasn't…that would have been a very bad idea…because that's almost you giving into your daughter and saying, listen, it's okay, just do what you want, just be careful.” ([13:09])
• Jen (on dads’ perspective): “They see them as the little girl they were raising in the little patent shoes.” ([11:49])
• Bert: “Parenting, obviously, and so is marriage. It’s teamwork… I don't think it's right that you make this decision by yourself.” ([06:56])
• Sue: “I know that I can't do this behind his back. I think I always knew that in my heart. But, you know, I might have to do it, you know, in front of him and have him be mad at me.” ([16:02])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:33] – Sue calls in with her dilemma
• [03:48] – She considers making the appointment behind her husband’s back
• [04:48] – Discussion of parental collaboration and conflict
• [07:43] – Jen and hosts weigh in on boundaries and parental authority
• [09:26] – Taylor/Brittany’s health department perspective
• [10:50] – Joy’s perspective on protection and prevention
• [12:52] – Brittany’s caution against giving a “green light”
• [15:14] – Health department “shock tactic” is consensus advice
• [16:18] – Persistence and humor on marital disagreements
• [17:24] – Episode wrap-up; Sue expresses gratitude

Summary & Takeaways

The episode provides a nuanced and relatable look at the intersections of parenting, adolescence, communication, and gender dynamics when it comes to a sensitive issue: teenage birth control. While the hosts and callers largely agree on the need for prevention and open conversation, they debate whether unilateral action is justified in a marriage and how best to approach both teens and co-parents honestly and effectively. The emotional resonance, humor, and practical advice combine to make this episode both engaging and valuable for parents facing similar concerns.