Vault: Open Conversation About Parents Having "The Talk" With Their Kids

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault — Open Conversation About Parents Having "The Talk" With Their Kids

Date: November 19, 2025
Episode Summary by Pionaire Podcasting

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show revolves around the startling disconnect between parents’ perceptions and teens’ realities when it comes to conversations about sex and relationships—familiarly known as “the talk.” The hosts discuss recent survey results revealing how unaware most parents are about their teenagers’ sexual behaviors, and they invite both listeners and teens to share personal experiences, uncovering the challenges and awkwardness that surround opening lines of communication on this sensitive topic.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Survey on Teens' Sexual Behavior vs. Parents’ Assumptions

• The episode begins with Burt and the co-hosts reflecting on a recent "promiscuity poll" that compared answers from 100 teens and 100 parents about teenage sexual behaviors. The results highlighted a huge gap between what parents think and what teens are actually doing.

  • Receiving Oral Sex:
    • Teen response: 61% “yes”
    • Parents estimated: 10%
  • Performing Oral Sex:
    • Teens: 51%
    • Parents: 1%
    • Burt comments: “Not even close. Then there was the performed one and 51%. Half of the teens survey said, yes, they've performed that act. And only 1% of the parents thought that their teens had actually done that.” (02:10)
  • Other Behaviors (Showering with someone nude, sexting, underage sex, substance use):
    • Example: Showering nude with someone—teens: 27%, parents: 6%
    • Sexting or sexual conversations with strangers online—teens: 25%, parents: 3%
    • “That's scarier than any other stuff they're doing with each other.” – Rebecca (04:16)
  • The “buying porn” discussion reveals teens are accessing adult material in ways parents can hardly fathom.

2. Parental Denial and Naivety

• Across the board, the hosts note parents’ persistent disbelief or deliberate ignorance:
  • Jason quips: “I'm never letting Hayden out of the house. Never.” (03:41)
  • Jen observes: “I don't think moms are stupid. But I do think... they maybe push it outside of their minds.” (08:02)
• Caller stories reinforce that many parents either truly don’t know or choose not to see their children’s real behavior.

3. Listeners Call In: Real Stories and Hidden Truths

• Hairstylist's Story (06:30–08:02):
  A hairstylist recounts a suburban mother letting her teenage daughter’s girlfriend live with them, oblivious or unmoved by the nature of their relationship.

  • “You would never know this girl was a girl… But her mother is just helping this girl out… But in reality they're girlfriends and they're living right there in the same room. And the parent has no idea what is going on.” (07:23)
  • Hosts debate whether this is obliviousness or willful blindness.

• 16-Year-Old Caller (08:55–13:08):
  A candid call from a 16-year-old illustrates the gap between parent and teen understanding and emotional stakes of secrecy.

  • “Like me and my friends, we get away with so much because our parents are completely oblivious to what's going on.” (09:05)
  • She reveals she’s been sexually active with her boyfriend, always uses protection, but has never told her mother because she anticipates disappointment more than punishment.
  • “If I felt like that my mom would be understanding and like, be able to relate to me, I think that I would talk to her about it, but she would, like, completely go off the wall.” (10:07)
  • Despite having a close day-to-day bond with her mom, this subject remains untouchable.
  • “I think that it would make us like closer. I think that like if I could share that with her, I would. But...” (11:58)

4. The Stigma, Disappointment, and the Transition to Adulthood

• The hosts contemplate the struggle for both parents and teens during adolescence.
  • Rebecca reflects: “That's like the big secret that you feel like you have to keep from them. And it's so hard because your parents for the longest time, I think still see you as a kid when you really are becoming a young adult.” (12:27)
  • Jen emphasizes, “You're the parent... this is your job. And your job is to know that your child is going to end up being an adult and that you can't be disappointed when they become an adult.” (11:41)

5. More Data: Parents Almost Always Underestimate

• Reviewing further survey statistics, the hosts highlight continued gaps:
  • “The basic question. Had sexual intercourse? Half of the teens had. Over half. 55% of them had. The parents were at a 26% clip.” (13:33)
  • On condom use: “Had sexual intercourse without a condom? 29 of the teens said, yeah, we've done that. One in three parents, 1%.” (13:44)
  • Jen points out the obvious disconnect, “If they haven't talked to their kids about condoms, but yet they assume, well, there's no way they have sex without condoms, then... the line of communication has to be open.” (14:10)

6. Encouraging Parental Engagement—An 11-Year-Old’s Experience (15:02–17:25)

• A young parent shares how she proactively had “the talk” with her 11-year-old after her daughter asked about French kissing.
  • Was startled to learn fifth-grade classmates were engaging in “heavy petting.”
  • “That was just something I was completely unprepared for at 11 years old.” (15:59)
• The caller expresses hope that staying open and honest will keep her daughter communicating as she grows older.

7. The Challenge: Parents, Go Have “The Talk”

• Burt invites parents who’ve never had “the talk” to try it, then share how it went, hoping to learn whether post-conversation perceptions match reality.
  • “I'm really curious if after 24 hours, if you're glad you did it, was it uncomfortable? Did it go the way you thought it was gonna go?” (17:31)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Burt: “So not my little girl, she would never do that.” (02:13)
• Rebecca: “The one in four having sexual conversations with a stranger online–I think that's scarier than any of the other stuff they're doing with each other.” (04:16)
• Caller (16yo): “If I felt like that my mom would be understanding and like, be able to relate to me, I think that I would talk to her about it, but she would, like, completely go off the wall.” (10:07)
• Jen: “Your job is to know that your child is going to end up being an adult and that you can't be disappointed when they become an adult.” (11:41)
• Caller (11yo's mom): “I was completely unprepared for [my 11-year-old] to have those experiences and ask those questions.” (15:59)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:32] Introduction to the shock and findings from the teen vs. parent poll
• [03:15] First discussion about parents’ major misjudgment on their children’s sexual activity
• [04:16] Deep dive into sexting and parental fears
• [06:30] Hairstylist’s anonymous caller story about a closeted teen couple
• [08:55] Teen caller details her secret sexual relationship and the emotional consequences
• [13:33] Discussion of teens' sexual behavior vs. parents' beliefs (intercourse, condom use, etc.)
• [15:02] Parent shares the reality of “the talk” with her 11-year-old daughter
• [17:31] Challenge issued to parents: have the talk and report back

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Tone & Language

The conversation is direct, candid, sometimes humorous but underpinned by concern and a desire for openness. The hosts blend real talk with empathy, aiming to spur parents into more honest and supportive dialogues with their teens.

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Takeaways

• The gulf between what teens experience and what parents believe is immense.
• Teens crave but often lack an approachable, non-judgmental venue for discussing sexual health and choices with parents.
• Parents’ discomfort or denial delays valuable education and may leave teens to fend for themselves.
• Starting “the talk” earlier and sustaining open communication can build trust and support healthy, informed choices.

Final Thought:
This episode is a wake-up call for all parents: your children’s secrets may be bigger, and their experiences more advanced, than you think. Taking the first awkward step toward honest dialogue could make all the difference.

Transcript

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[Burt (Host)]

Purchase the Bird show so Melissa, this promiscuity poll. I mean, shocking stuff. I thought on Friday maybe I was the only one really shocked because I have a kid and it's scaring me so much.

[Jen (Co-host)]

No, I. I am shocked too because I think parents, I don't know, I just, for some reason I just feel like parents nowadays, like the baby boomer generation, for some reason I thought would be a little more enlightened than like my parents had me a little older so they were more of the, you know, generation before that. So I expected them to be kind of naive to what's going on. But not parents today. But there was a new research done where they took 100 teenagers and put them in a. They took 100 parents and put them in the room. They weren't necessarily related to one another, but it's just teenagers and parents. They asked them questions about intimate questions about what teenagers were doing today. And the answers that you got from the teenagers and the answers you got from the parents were so different from one another, which shows that parents have no idea what their kids are doing.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah. If you want to get in on this, 404-741-1005 and I will give this warning out again that generally we do like the adult material here after 8:30, but this specifically has to do with teens. So we're going to talk about sex. And if you don't want this conversation brought up in the car while you're cruising with your kids, then we'll see you back in a couple of minutes. But the most shocking stuff from Friday, just to recap, I think was probably the stuff that the one question was about receiving oral, where the teenagers answered that 61% of them had at one point or another received. And the parents thought that that number would be about 10%. Not even close. Then there was the performed one and 51%. Half of the teens survey said, yes, they've performed that act. And only 1% of the parents thought that their teens had actually done that. So not my little girl, she would never do that.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

It's more than half of them on both accounts, giving and receiving.

[Burt (Host)]

Yes.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

But the parents on both ends were just so not even in the same ballpark. You know, I guess that's hard to think about as your kid, you know that this, your kid is capable of doing that. Right.

[Jen (Co-host)]

But it's a young adult. I mean, that's, I mean, they're eventually going to do it. It's eventually what you evolve into.

[Jason (Co-host)]

Well, right after you're married.

[Burt (Host)]

I'm never letting Hayden out of the house. Never.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And I will never, ever do it in my life.

[Burt (Host)]

Continuing on with the survey, one of the questions was have you ever taken a shower with someone in the nude? 27% of the teens said, yeah, of course. And the parents, duh, who hasn't? Come on. Parents said 6% had sexual conversations with a stranger on the Internet. Only 25% of the teens, one in four said yes. This is pretty, I mean, this is very, very Telling here. The parents answered 3%.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

That is shocking. The one in four having sexual conversations with a stranger online. I think that's scarier than any of the other stuff they're doing with each other.

[Burt (Host)]

We're so skewed by what we see on tv, though. Like, you would imagine that every teenager at one point or another, like, I thought that number was gonna be. That 25% was low because everything I watch on TV just seems like these conversations are happening every six minutes.

[Jason (Co-host)]

If you watch Dateline, you would think that. That, that's. That's as common as going to the mall.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Yeah, that's so scary to me, because teenagers making out and, you know, it's exploring each other's bodies and, you know, figuring each other out or whatever. Like, their little relationships scare me a lot less than that.

[Burt (Host)]

Had sex with somebody younger than 16. One in four, the teen said yes, they had. And remember, the test group here are teens between the ages of 13 and 18. So had sex with someone younger than 16. 25% said yes, their parents answered 5%. Had sex while on drugs or alcohol. The teens answered 24%. The parents answered 15%. Bought porn. Teen answered 21%. Parents answered 4%.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

So I wonder how they can buy it, though, because aren't you supposed to be carded for that?

[Burt (Host)]

Can't you get it on the Internet by just, like, putting the date of birth on? Maybe.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Well, and also, you can't rule out older siblings.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

That's true.

[Jason (Co-host)]

That's how we're buying it from somebody in high school. Like, doesn't have to be a sibling. You know, somebody brings it in or can steals or dad.

[Jen (Co-host)]

But usually. But usually it's a sibling of somebody, you know, like, that's usually how it works.

[Jason (Co-host)]

Not for me, thank God. Jason Watson's dad was a huge pervert.

[Burt (Host)]

And he knew exactly where the drawer was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You parents have to know the first time you go away for a weekend. We are so going through all of your stuff. Yeah. Watched others having sex. The teens answered 18% said yes. The parents answered 2%. That's a nasty one to think about right there of your teen. Jeff, I'm going to need the voice disguiser for this, please. Good morning, Michelle. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, how are y' all doing this morning?

[Burt (Host)]

Good, thank you. You were on the voice disguiser.

[Caller/Listener]

Awesome. Well, I'm not a parent. I'm a hairstylist. But I have a client. I do her and her teenage daughter. She's a really nice lady. But I can't believe that there's somebody out there. So naive. Her daughter is in high school and is a lesbian. We're talking buzz haircut talk. You would never know that this girl was a girl. Like when she came in for a haircut, I had to ask if she was a man's cut or women's cut. Anyway, her girlfriend lives with them. The other, the penis daughter's girlfriend, right with them, stays in the room with her. But her mother is just helping this girl out while she's going through a hard time. And they're just best friends, but in.

[Burt (Host)]

Reality they're girlfriends and they're living right there in the same room. And the parent has no idea what is going on.

[Caller/Listener]

You know, I've even, you know, thrown out little things trying to figure out if this woman really has any idea. She doesn't.

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[Rebecca (Co-host)]

That she doesn't know or she just chooses not to see it?

[Caller/Listener]

See, that's what I was trying to figure out. I really don't think she could ever think her daughter with, you know, that lifestyle. I just. This is, you know, good suburban mom, stays at home, you know, middle class. I just, I don't. I don't know if she doesn't accept it or she just really has no idea.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I don't think moms are. I don't think moms are stupid. But I do think, like Jen said, sometimes I think that that's not a scenario that they could ever. They don't want and so they maybe push it outside of their minds. But there's. It's gnawing at her a little bit. But I. Yeah, but having a woman, if she had any question and she has somebody. No, no.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Rebecca, hold on one sec. Okay.

[Hers Medication Advertiser]

All right.

[Burt (Host)]

Had sex on your parents bed.

[Hers Medication Advertiser]

Oh.

[Burt (Host)]

Sixteen of the. The teen said yes. The parents 1%. There's no way my child would have sex on my bed. No way. Wrong. In 16 of the cases, taking pictures during sex or sexual activity, 15 of the teens said yes. They had parents answered 1%. Again, not even in the same ballpark. Hey, Rebecca. Hey, what's up?

[Caller/Listener]

I was going to say that I definitely don't think parents have any idea. Like me and my friends, we get away with so much because our parents are completely oblivious to what's going on.

[Burt (Host)]

In what way?

[Caller/Listener]

Like any kind of ways. In like partying and sexual ways. Like my mom has no idea.

[Burt (Host)]

Like, what are you doing? And you're on the voice disguiser. What are you doing that your mom has no idea about? And how old are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm 16.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

So what are you doing your parents have no clue about?

[Caller/Listener]

I've done everything. I've had a boyfriend for two years and we've done everything. So my mom. And my mom has no idea that we've done. Like, she thinks that we've made out and that's about it.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Do you guys do anything for protection?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Do you always use condoms?

[Caller/Listener]

Uh huh.

[Burt (Host)]

You've been having sex with this guy since you were 14?

[Caller/Listener]

No, we just started having sex last summer.

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[Burt (Host)]

And your parents have absolutely no idea. You're their angel. You could never do this.

[Caller/Listener]

Definitely, like, no idea.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Now are you going to a doctor? Because usually when you start becoming sexually active, girls need to go to the gynecologist for the first time.

[Caller/Listener]

No.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Let me ask you a question, Jer.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

And not talking to your mom about.

[Jen (Co-host)]

It, you know, if your mom was.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, that's why, like, here's the thing. Like, I feel like the parents can't relate. Like, if I felt like that my mom would be understanding and, like, be able to relate to me, I think that I would talk to her about it, but she would, like, completely go off the wall.

[Burt (Host)]

So I think this is a great phone call for parents to be listening to right now. I think you're a great example. And I'm so happy that you called.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Yeah. Because that was my question. If your mom came to you to talk about it in a comfortable, you're not going to get in trouble environment, you would tell her everything?

[Caller/Listener]

Probably. I don't know if I would tell her everything, but I would tell her more than.

[Burt (Host)]

What do you think her reaction would be if you told her the truth?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, she wouldn't even believe it. Like, I honestly think that she would, like, I could, like, joke around and say stuff and we would just laugh about it too. Be like, yeah, right.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Is it hard to keep that from your mom?

[Caller/Listener]

Not really. Just because I know how much like, like, and it's not even, like, trouble. It's like disappointment too.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

But what I mean is, is it hard for you to keep that secret? Is it something kind of bubbling up inside of you, like, kind of stresses you out?

[Caller/Listener]

Not really.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

No.

[Burt (Host)]

Does she even know that you have this boyfriend?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Oh, she does.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

He comes over all the time and everything.

[Jason (Co-host)]

But have you guys ever done it in the house while they're home?

[Caller/Listener]

My. Let me think. Well, my grandma lives in the basement and we done it while she's been home. But.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I was just keyed in on Something she said for. Like you talk about parents listening, like it's not just getting in trouble, but disappointment. Because I think parents have to realize, I mean, and I'm not saying it's not hard, but you're the parent. You're the parent and this is your job. And your job is to know that your child is going to end up being an adult and that you can't be disappointed when they become an adult.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Would it be a huge relief for you to tell your mom?

[Caller/Listener]

I think that it would make us like closer. I think that like if I could share that with her, I would. But.

[Burt (Host)]

That total disconnect, like on a day to day, do you guys have like daily talks or are you just going your way and she's going her other way? And that's.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh no, me and my mom are really close. Like we like, we do stuff together all the time. Like I went and ran errands with her the other day.

[Burt (Host)]

So it's not a case where you guys are totally disconnected from each other. And Jen's kind of like shaking her head yes.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Yeah, that's like the big secret that you feel like you have to keep from them. And it's so hard because your parents for the longest time, I think still see you as a kid when you really are becoming a young adult. And it's that, it's that borderline. It's like them, you know, it's them crossing that threshold of seeing you as an adult and you want them to treat you as an adult, but you're still living in their home as their kid. So you have to still follow their rules. It's such a struggle. It's such a difficult time. I think it was the hardest time in my life was being a teenager, like from junior year until I went to college. It's just difficult, you know.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey Rebecca, thanks for calling. Really appreciate it. Great call.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Thanks.

[Jason (Co-host)]

Tell grandma we said hi.

[Meundies Advertiser]

Now.

[Burt (Host)]

I kind of like checked out for a second. Did she say she had sex in the house while grandma was there?

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grandma lives in the basement.

[Jason (Co-host)]

You didn't check out. You remembered you had a kid and.

[Burt (Host)]

You just chose to write Selective hearing.

[Jason (Co-host)]

Right.

[Burt (Host)]

More of this Undressed somebody. The teen said 56% of them said, yes, I've undressed somebody. What do you think the parents said?

[Jen (Co-host)]

2%.

[Burt (Host)]

2%. It was 11%. 11.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Wow. Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

The basic question. Had sexual intercourse? Half of the teens had over half. 55% of them had. The parents were at a 26% clip. Experienced sexual activity while in bed with someone. 51% parents said 16% watched an X rated movie with a member of the opposite sex. 46 of the teens said yes, or only 9% of the parents and had sexual intercourse without a condom. 29 of the teens said, yeah, we've done that. 1 in 3 parents, 1%.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Now I find it fast. It's too bad we don't know who the parents are because it's like, okay, have you talked to your children about condoms? You know, like, if they haven't talked to their kids about condoms, but yet they assume, well, there's no way they have sex without condoms, then. Well, of course. I mean, again, the line of communication has to be open.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, and I said this on Friday too, and I think I feel even more strongly about it today is that I think because of the way that I grew up, I am going to assume he's doing more wrong than he probably is. Like, I'll err on the other side.

[Jason (Co-host)]

I thought of that when you were doing the survey and you were talking about how many people you know just had had sex and 26% of the parents said they thought their kid did. What percentage of those parents were wrong? Like their kid wasn't doing it. But they're like, oh, yeah, I definitely, I wouldn't say if this wasn't an animal survey. My daughter's kind of sly.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Charity, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning, Burt Show.

[Burt (Host)]

Hi.

[Caller/Listener]

I started listening Friday morning because I write in every morning with you guys to work.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Oh, thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

And I have an 11 year old and it's really funny because Thursday night we had to have the tongue kiss, question and answer conversation because she saw her girlfriends at school kissing her boyfriend with him. And I remember, you know, I'm a young parent, so it's not like it's past that long. You know, from what I remember what my friends were doing and I think because of that I'm able to talk to her. But I asked her, I said, what do you think? So and so has told her mom, and what else are her and her little boyfriend doing? And the conversation went somewhere I never expected it to go for an 11 year old.

[Burt (Host)]

11 year old. Where did it go? Where did it go?

[Caller/Listener]

He has fondled her little friend's breasts. And I mean, there's been what you would call heavy petting going on between the two of them. And we saw the boy girl movie last year in fifth grade that was mandatory before entering junior high school. And so there was some great conversations between Me and my little person. But that was just something I was completely unprepared for at 11 years old.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, it's just getting younger and younger and younger. There was a time where parents were like, I can't believe kids are doing this at 17. Right now we're down to 11.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Thank you for having that conversation, but it's very scary.

[Caller/Listener]

You don't expect to have that.

[Burt (Host)]

No doubt.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Do you think that you're. Now, I'm not saying this about your daughter, but do you think your daughter presents it as if her friends don't when she's trying to open the conversation about her?

[Caller/Listener]

I was a little bit scared of that, but because of the dialogue that her and I have together. And I know that she's not currently seeing or crushing anybody, as she calls it, just because we moved here. She hasn't met a lot of friends yet. And I've been very involved at school and getting her settled because we are so new to the area. She's not had an opportunity to meet any little people. And I'm just hoping that by being very honest and open with her, that I can encourage her to keep talking to me about things like this.

[Jason (Co-host)]

So we're playing a game of the Sims.

[Burt (Host)]

What's that? The little people.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Her little boyfriend.

[Burt (Host)]

You know, I'm wondering if I'm gonna play a couple of commercials here. I'm wondering if, when we come back, if we can find somebody that is a parent that has not had the quote, unquote, talk with their kids yet. So call us up, we'll talk to you a little bit. And then you go home today or tonight and have the talk and then come back with us tomorrow morning and let us know how it went. Because there has to be some reason why you've been reluctant to do it. And I'm really curious if after 24 hours, if you're glad you did it, was it uncomfortable? Did it go the way you thought it was gonna go?

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Or like her, Your perception before the talk and after the talk is much different on what your child's already doing.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

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[T-Mobile Customer]

I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

[T-Mobile Salesperson]

Well it's better than socks.

[T-Mobile Customer]

So I have to trade in my old phone right?

[T-Mobile Salesperson]

No AT T Mobile there's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[T-Mobile Customer]

Incredible.

[T-Mobile Salesperson]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa.

[Hers Medication Advertiser]

Forget that.

[T-Mobile Salesperson]

Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[T-Mobile Customer]

Sounds like my family drama.

[Rebecca (Co-host)]

Oh I got it.

[T-Mobile Salesperson]

I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with hey where are you going?

[T-Mobile Customer]

To T Mobile. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits and four eligible board inside essentials for well qualified customers. Auto pay + taxes, fees and $35 device connection charge credits and in balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Contact Us Finance Agreement 256 gigabytes $830 required Visit T mobile.com youm know.

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