Vault: Parents Call In To Share Their Experience Having "The Talk"

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: Parents Call In To Share Their Experience Having 'The Talk'"

Episode Date: November 19, 2025
Podcast Host: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

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Episode Overview

This episode delves into the anxieties, awkwardness, and real-life strategies parents experience when faced with having "The Talk"—conversations about sex and puberty—with their preteen children. Parents call in to share their stories, concerns, and approaches, with hosts and co-hosts offering commentary, advice, and humor throughout. The tone is open, honest, and lighthearted, providing both solidarity and practical tips for listeners in similar situations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Parental Anxiety Over Having "The Talk"

• Caller Tanya (Mother of an 11-year-old son) expresses her nervousness about broaching the subject, highlighting her son's shyness and discomfort.
  • "He just freaks out and I know that he's just getting to that age...It just stresses me out big time." (01:40)
• Tanya worries about what her son might be learning—or mislearning—from peers at school. She references her own experience having a child young and doesn’t want her son to repeat this.

2. The Challenge of Starting the Conversation

• The hosts discuss how daunting it can be to find the right approach.
  • "I don't even know where you start the conversation. You sit him down, you go, there's something serious I gotta talk to you about." (02:06)

3. The Influence of Peers and Misinformation

• Tanya highlights the desire to prevent her son from getting misinformation at school.

  • "You can get pregnant standing up, that kind of stuff...It worries me just like any other parent out there." (03:51)

• The hosts share a memorable story about a parent telling his daughter she could get pregnant by sitting on a boy’s lap, underscoring how misinformation can persist if not properly addressed.

  • "...he saw his daughter on the lap of a guy at the mall. So he didn't want that to happen anymore. And she went...really thinking that was the truth, you know?" (04:12)

4. Gender Dynamics in "The Talk"

• Caller Leah (Single mother of an 11-year-old daughter) discusses her plan to have "The Talk" after hearing her daughter’s friend has already explained oral sex.
  • "Her best friend told her what explained the oral sex was to her, which was really upsetting...But then this morning she showed me some diamond earrings an 11-year-old little crush boyfriend gave her." (05:49)
• The hosts ask whether talking to a son is different than talking to a daughter.
  • "Is the talk between mother and daughter way different than the talk with mother and son?" (06:48)
• Leah anticipates it might be easier to talk with her daughter than with her son, especially as a single mother.

5. Creating a Comfortable Environment

• Leah shares her strategy: taking her daughter for a walk where they can speak privately, hoping to avoid embarrassment.
  • "We go to the park and walk. So I'm thinking that might be a good place because there won't be other people around...we can just kind of do our little own thing and chat while we're walking." (08:37)
• The co-hosts emphasize not approaching the conversation from a place of discipline or disappointment to foster openness.
  • "I don't know if I'd start that way because that already puts her on the defense for getting in trouble." (09:04)

6. Using Educational Resources

• Caller Anne recommends books as conversation starters:
  • Where Did I Come From?—explains the basics with cartoons, focusing on conception and birth in a straightforward way.
  • What's Happening to Me?—covers physical changes for both boys and girls, again with simple cartoons.
  • "I gave them to my kids, said, here, I want you to look at these. After you look at them, we'll talk if you have questions." (10:19)
• The hosts and co-hosts reminisce about their own learning experiences and how impactful educational books and media can be, specifically mentioning Judy Blume's books.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Tanya (on her poker face):

  "I didn't freak out when he told me about the girlfriend thing. Trust me, I had the poker face. But inside I was like, oh, you little pervert." (02:49)

• Leah (on parental openness):

  "Her friends would actually probably come to me before they go to their own parents." (09:28)

• Co-host (on parental duty):

  "That is your job, that you are a parent...So you have to make these tough. You have to have these conversations to make the tough choices." (04:51)

• Host (on impact of books):

  "I still kind of remember the pictures in my head. So it is impactful, you know." (10:52)

• Leah (on observing behavior changes in preteens):

  "All of her friends are already turning 12. They've all started their periods...I would like to see—I don't think when I was 11 and 12, that was what was on my mind." (08:13)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:33: Start of content—first caller (Tanya) shares parental worries
• 02:06: Hosts and callers discuss difficulty starting "The Talk"
• 03:51: Concerns about schoolyard myths and misinformation
• 05:49: Leah describes hearing about her daughter's exposure to information from peers and receiving a boyfriend's gift
• 06:48: Discussion of talk differences with sons vs. daughters
• 08:37: Leah shares her walking strategy for having the conversation
• 10:10: Caller Anne recommends helpful books
• 10:52: Host describes lasting impact of educational materials

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Summary Flow

• Parents express deep-seated anxiety and humor about having "The Talk" with their 11-year-olds.
• Callers recount their children’s innocence, exposure to misinformation, and early romantic experiences.
• The hosts and listeners offer support, share strategies (including using books and neutral environments), and reaffirm the importance of parental responsibility, no matter how awkward the discussion.
• The community discusses the vital need to be open, non-judgmental, and approachable so children feel safe coming to their parents for the truth.
• Listeners are left with concrete book suggestions and encouragement to follow up after these difficult but crucial conversations.

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Transcript

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[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

The Birch Show Tanya how old is your child?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

He is 11.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

He is 11. So your son is 11 years old?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Yes, like I was and I have tried to have a talk with him but he is so shy and passive that he just complete. You could see it in his face. He just freaks out and I know that he's just getting to that age. He's gonna you know where he's gonna start doing stuff and that just stresses me out big time. So I really don't know. I'm trying to approach which way I can, but he's just, he just backs out. He just stresses out on it.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Like, I don't, I don't even know where you start the conversation. You sit him down, you go, there's something serious I got to talk to you about.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Started in the kitchen by yourself with about three beers.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Yeah. Really? No, he, he came home the other day and he said, mom, I'm. I'm done with girlfriend number two. I'm on girlfriend number three. And I'm like, what, what are you talking about? And then, you know, and yet he won't talk to me about, you know, check. So it's starting to really worry me because I, like you said, I have no idea what he's doing at school during recess or, you know.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Right.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Well, if your initial reaction is what, then maybe that might.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah, that's, that's gonna be uncomfortable. But it's way more comfortable than him coming home saying, hey, I got somebody another 12 year old or a 13 year old pregnant. So.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Yeah, well, no, I didn't freak out when he told me about the girlfriend thing. Trust me, I had the poker face. But inside I was like, oh, you little pervert. You know, I mean, I, to, to approach it, you know, as best I can.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Right.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

But you know, like I said, I definitely, I mean, listening to that stuff this morning, I just don't, you know, I got pregnant when I was young and I just don't want him to have to deal with that also, you know.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

So what is it that you think.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

He knows about already?

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

And what is it that you guys are going to talk about tonight?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

I don't know. He did ask me about girls periods the other day so that I could maybe start off with that little conversation. I don't know. But I mean, it's, it's better than nothing. So. But as far as, you know, oral and intercourse and all that, I really, I couldn't tell you how, how far in depth he knows. I mean, he may know more than I think he does.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

You know, it may be one of those things where, I mean, and we're going back quite a way. So I don't really recall what I knew or didn't know at 11, but I like new rumors of things, you know.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Right. Like what I'm saying, I was trying to think about his age and how much I knew and you know, I don't want him to get ideas from other kids in school, you know, like, you can get pregnant standing up, that kind of stuff, you know, But I just, you know, it worries me Just like any other parent out there.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

You just.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

You don't want to be a young grandparent. You don't want them to mess their lives up. So you try to do the best you can, you know?

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah. These are the ages where you can get it all twisted. I think we've talked about this on the show before, where one parent was telling his team or his preteen daughter, like she, when she was 11 years old, that she could get pregnant by just sitting on a guy's lap because he saw his daughter on the lap of a guy at the mall. So he didn't want that to happen anymore. And she went, she went who knows how long, really thinking that was the truth, you know?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

No, I'm. I'm pretty laid back. I'm not embarrassed at all to talk to him about it, not one bit. But he's one that just, I think is more uncomfortable with me approaching him. I don't know, maybe I can get my fiance to do it. I mean, maybe he.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

No, that's your job. And it may be uncomfortable, but it has to be done. I think that's the reason so many parents avoid the conversation. But I mean, you know, and I would say this even if I was a parent, that is your job, that you are a parent. You made the conscious decision to have a child. So you have to make these tough. You have to have these conversations to make the tough choices.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

I totally agree. Totally agree. But I will, when I get off of work tonight, try to pry him away from wrestling long enough to have that important conversation. And I can get back with you guys tomorrow and see what he says.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Did we find out how old did we get that?

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah, he's 11.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Yeah, he's 11.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

All right, Tanya, hold on one second. Would love to talk to you again tomorrow morning. Okay.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Okay.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

All right. You'll be our test group. And Leah also willing to have the talk tonight. Leah, how old is your. Is it a son or daughter we're talking about?

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

She is 11.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

11 years old. And you haven't had the need to have the talk with her yet?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

No.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

You know, I've been thinking about it and then over the weekend a couple of things have come up that I've decided I definitely need to. One is her best friend told her what explained the oral sex was to her, which was really upsetting that she wasn't real thrilled that she found that out already. But then this morning she showed me some diamond earrings at 11 year old little crush boyfriend gave her.

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[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

And you know, I think it's kind of inappropriate for 11 year old to be giving diamond earrings to somebody, you know, that's typically. Why did you. What would you have done to deserve diamond earrings?

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

They can't be real diamonds, right?

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

So I took them from her. You know, I told her we'd talk about it tonight. And they're in a freedman's little box. Like they're actually real. So I'm not real sure if he took them or if he actually got them for her.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

If they're really. Yeah, I'm guessing.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Wow. Higher than they used to be.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

I know, right?

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Melissa wants to date that guy.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Those are the tactics that I'm employing to get something. So you haven't had the talk yet and I'm curious, is the talk between mother and daughter way different than the talk with mother and son?

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Well, I have an 8 year old son, so I'll let you know.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

That's coming up.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

And I am a single mother, so I'll be doing the talk for both. Yeah, you know, I think it's probably is going to be easier to talk to my daughter than it will be my son.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

There has to be like a. I don't know, I would assume there probably is a little more of an embarrassment. If it's a son having your mom talk to you about this or if a dad's trying to talk to the daughter about this, then it would be the other way.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Oh yeah, I can imagine. When I was younger, my dad tried to talk to me. I couldn't even get him to go to the store, you know, for 10 months. Right.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Hilarious.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Well, at least you're hearing the signs, you know, I mean, you heard her say that a friend was talking to her about this, so now is the time to have the talk.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Yeah, yeah. You know, they, they want to go to the park and you see them when we have. You know, my kids are very involved in sports because I try to keep them away from things. And you know, so she plays softball and cheerleading and basketball and. But in between you see all the boys just crowd around watching. You know, I noticed all the football players are in a group around the cheerleaders now, paying more attention to them than they are to their own game.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

And she's 11.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

She's 11. She will be 12 in December.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Okay.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

All of her friends are already turning 12. They've all started their periods. My daughter has not. And I can tell, you know, the ones that have are just their behavior is getting a lot more progressive and you know, I would like to see. I don't think when I was 11 and 12, that was what was on my mind.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

I'm curious how you feel like you're going to approach the conversation.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Well, she and I like to walk. You know, we go to the park and walk. So I'm thinking that might be a good place because there won't be other people around. We don't have to worry about her brother embarrassing her. You know, we can just kind of do our little own thing and chat while we're walking. And, you know, I'm gonna start with of course why. I'd like to know why she got diamond earrings.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Well, I wouldn't. I don't know if I'd start that way because that already puts her on the defense for getting in trouble.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Right? Yeah. And, you know, I'm not mad at her. She wasn't in trouble this morning. I just. I told her we probably just should talk about it tonight, and she's probably.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Gonna stress about that all day. I think Jen's right. Like, you know, the child. Child. I guess not children. Now, the kid we talked to earlier was talking about how she would be more open to her mom if she knew that one she wasn't getting trouble, but one she what her mom was not disappointed in her.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Yeah. Now, case. No, my daughter would not feel that way. I don't think we are very close, very open. And I mean, I've always told her that, you know, as long as I can remember, to be very open with anything. You know, I'm always going to listen to her. And her friends would actually probably come to me before they go to their own parents. Should we, like for her who's going to have the conversation tonight? Should we find a parent who had the conversation to guide her?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Because we're sitting here telling.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Well, I don't think you should say that about the diamond earrings, but what do we know? We've never.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

The only calls that are coming in are from people telling you that there are two books that you can actually do. Some like a crash test study tonight. You can cram for your. Your conversation tonight. Hey, Anne.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

Hi, good morning. I love you guys.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Thank you.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Thank you for calling.

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

And actually, the books are not for the parents.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

The books are for the kids.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Okay?

[Tanya (Caller, Mother of 11-year-old son)]

They were given to me. I gave them to my kids. One of them is called Where Did I Come From? Which tells you in plain, simple English where babies come from. There's cute little cartoon drawings, nothing too graphic. Tells you what happens after you get pregnant. Right on to when the baby's born. And Then what's happening to me talks about the changes both in boys bodies and in girls bodies. Again with the same kind of cartoon drawings. They're wonderful. I gave them to my kids, said, here, I want you to look at these. After you look at them, we'll talk if you have questions.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

They're impactful. I was telling these guys that the only conversation that I think I ever had with my mom about this is I remember her breaking out some kind of sketchbook back in the day. They were like stick figures doing it. But I mean, I still kind of remember the pictures in my head. So it is impactful, you know.

[Co-host or Expert Guest]

Well, I mean, so many women, you know, are so grateful to Judy Blume for all her books because I just had. Where, where, you know, where are you, God? It's me, Margaret. And forever. And that's how I learned about periods and, and all that stuff.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

All right, Leah, let's check back with you tomorrow morning after you have the talk with your 11 year old daughter.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Okay, I'll do that.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

All right, thanks a lot and hold on one sec.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Good luck.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Bye bye. Yeah, good luck.

[Leah (Caller, Single Mother of 11-year-old daughter)]

Okay.

[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

The Birch show.

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[Show Host (The Birch Show)]

Com.