The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam - Automated Bank

Episode Date: December 1, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting | The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy)
Episode Theme:
This episode spotlights one of The Bert Show’s infamous “Phone Scam” segments, where a show cast member poses as a customer, confusing a real-life bank customer service representative by refusing to provide necessary banking details verbally and instead insistently types numbers into their phone keypad. The goal: to see how long the representative can maintain composure while the “customer” acts increasingly clueless about automated vs. live phone support. The tone throughout is irreverent, good-naturedly exasperating, and packed with The Bert Show’s signature humor.

Main Segment: The Automated Bank Phone Scam

[01:19 – 05:29]

Setup:

A member of The Bert Show (posing as a confused customer) calls a bank's customer service line for assistance with their checking account.
The prank centers on misunderstanding how information (like Social Security or account numbers) must be provided to the live representative — refusing to respond verbally, and persistently keying numbers into the phone instead.

Key Discussion Points & Insights:

1. The Relentless Misunderstanding

The fake customer keeps trying to supply confidential info (like Social Security number and account details) by pressing numbers on the phone, despite explicit instructions from the customer service rep that this can't be processed by a live person.
The rep gets increasingly frustrated but remains professional for most of the call.

2. Highlighting Call Center Frustrations

The segment humorously plays on the real struggle and patience required of call center staff dealing with difficult or confused customers.

3. Escalation and Payoff

Even after the representative repeatedly explains the system, the caller offers alternative info (account number, zip, phone number) but always via keypad, never speaking it aloud.
The rep tries to redirect the caller to the automated system, which would accept keypresses, but the prankster says, “I don’t like the automated system because it’s too…” (suggesting they find it too complicated or impersonal).
In the end, the rep finally declares defeat, stating, “Sir, I’m going to disconnect the call. There’s no way I can help you, sir. There’s no way I can help. I am disconnecting the call. Sir.” [04:41]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Verbatim Humor and Exasperation:

Customer Service Rep’s patience breaking:

“It doesn’t make any difference how slow you do it, how fast you do it. We do not have the capacity to read your keypad at home.”
— Customer Service Representative [02:54]
Caller’s persistent cluelessness:

"What do you mean verbally? Like with my mouth?"
— “Customer with Banking Questions” [04:13]
Rep’s ultimate surrender:

“Sir, I’m going to disconnect the call. There’s no way I can help you, sir…”
— Customer Service Representative [04:41]

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

[01:19] – Scam Call Begins: “I have a couple questions regarding my checking account.”
[01:24 – 02:52] – Struggle over Social Security Number; repeated keypad attempts vs. verbal requests.
[02:52] – Rep’s patience tested: “It doesn’t matter how slow you do it…”
[03:20 – 04:13] – More keypad attempts with account, zip, and phone numbers.
[04:13 – 04:41] – Rep explains what “verbal” means; prepares to disconnect.
[04:41] – Call ends with rep exasperatedly hanging up.

Episode Tone & Style

Humorous, Exaggerated, Lighthearted: The prank operates on a classic comedy premise: willful misunderstanding and deadpan insistence in the face of reason.
Relatable: Anyone who’s called customer service can relate to the rep’s mounting frustration and the universal struggle between automated and human help systems.

Final Thoughts

This “Vault” phone scam episode embodies the fun, mischievous spirit of The Bert Show, offering a lighthearted escape via old-fashioned radio shenanigans. The segment is a reminder of both the patience required of modern customer service representatives and the simple genius of a well-constructed prank call.

No actual bank or customer data was used. Advertisements, intro, and outro are excluded from this summary for clarity and focus.

The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam - Automated Bank

Main Segment: The Automated Bank Phone Scam

[01:19 – 05:29]

Setup:

A member of The Bert Show (posing as a confused customer) calls a bank's customer service line for assistance with their checking account.
The prank centers on misunderstanding how information (like Social Security or account numbers) must be provided to the live representative — refusing to respond verbally, and persistently keying numbers into the phone instead.

Key Discussion Points & Insights:

1. The Relentless Misunderstanding

The fake customer keeps trying to supply confidential info (like Social Security number and account details) by pressing numbers on the phone, despite explicit instructions from the customer service rep that this can't be processed by a live person.
The rep gets increasingly frustrated but remains professional for most of the call.

2. Highlighting Call Center Frustrations

The segment humorously plays on the real struggle and patience required of call center staff dealing with difficult or confused customers.

3. Escalation and Payoff

Even after the representative repeatedly explains the system, the caller offers alternative info (account number, zip, phone number) but always via keypad, never speaking it aloud.
The rep tries to redirect the caller to the automated system, which would accept keypresses, but the prankster says, “I don’t like the automated system because it’s too…” (suggesting they find it too complicated or impersonal).
In the end, the rep finally declares defeat, stating, “Sir, I’m going to disconnect the call. There’s no way I can help you, sir. There’s no way I can help. I am disconnecting the call. Sir.” [04:41]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Verbatim Humor and Exasperation:

Customer Service Rep’s patience breaking:

“It doesn’t make any difference how slow you do it, how fast you do it. We do not have the capacity to read your keypad at home.”
— Customer Service Representative [02:54]
Caller’s persistent cluelessness:

"What do you mean verbally? Like with my mouth?"
— “Customer with Banking Questions” [04:13]
Rep’s ultimate surrender:

“Sir, I’m going to disconnect the call. There’s no way I can help you, sir…”
— Customer Service Representative [04:41]

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

[01:19] – Scam Call Begins: “I have a couple questions regarding my checking account.”
[01:24 – 02:52] – Struggle over Social Security Number; repeated keypad attempts vs. verbal requests.
[02:52] – Rep’s patience tested: “It doesn’t matter how slow you do it…”
[03:20 – 04:13] – More keypad attempts with account, zip, and phone numbers.
[04:13 – 04:41] – Rep explains what “verbal” means; prepares to disconnect.
[04:41] – Call ends with rep exasperatedly hanging up.

Episode Tone & Style

Humorous, Exaggerated, Lighthearted: The prank operates on a classic comedy premise: willful misunderstanding and deadpan insistence in the face of reason.
Relatable: Anyone who’s called customer service can relate to the rep’s mounting frustration and the universal struggle between automated and human help systems.

Final Thoughts

No actual bank or customer data was used. Advertisements, intro, and outro are excluded from this summary for clarity and focus.

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Vault: Phone Scam - Automated Bank

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam - Automated Bank

Main Segment: The Automated Bank Phone Scam

Setup:

Key Discussion Points & Insights:

1. The Relentless Misunderstanding

2. Highlighting Call Center Frustrations

3. Escalation and Payoff

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Verbatim Humor and Exasperation:

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

Episode Tone & Style

Final Thoughts

Transcript

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Phone Scam - Automated Bank

Main Segment: The Automated Bank Phone Scam

Setup:

Key Discussion Points & Insights:

1. The Relentless Misunderstanding

2. Highlighting Call Center Frustrations

3. Escalation and Payoff

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Verbatim Humor and Exasperation:

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

Episode Tone & Style

Final Thoughts