Vault: PR Crisis Help

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: PR Crisis Help"

Date: December 2, 2025
Host: Bert and The Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into “crisis PR management” for real-life personal blunders. Blending their signature humor and candid talk, the cast playfully brainstorms plausible excuses and “publicist spins” for embarrassing or difficult situations submitted by listeners—including cheating accusations and discovering incriminating photos. The team and their audience join in creating tongue-in-cheek PR salvages for these mini “personal scandals,” exploring how someone might manage a personal screw-up in the style of a celebrity PR rep.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Premise: Everyday Crisis PR Spin

• [00:50 - 02:11] The cast sets up the show by inviting listeners to call in with personal scandals or crises, promising to concoct “no truth necessary” excuses—much like celebrity publicists might.
• Notable Quote:

  “Isn't it the job of a publicist to create believable lies?” – Bert [02:11]
  This frames their tongue-in-cheek approach to everyday PR stunts.

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2. Case Study 1: Ethan’s Cheating Scandal

• [02:32 - 04:22] Recapping a caller’s story: Ethan’s girlfriend discovers his affair with a married coworker and threatens to expose him to his workplace and the other woman’s husband.
• The team riffs on possible PR spins for Ethan’s predicament.
  • Spin Ideas:
    • Blame the girlfriend for snooping and “manufacturing” evidence. [05:07]
    • Claim the emails and photos were digitally doctored. [05:28]
    • Play the victim: Express hurt about private photos being shared. [05:40]
  • Cast Commentary:
    The hosts agree that sometimes the scandal is too deep to salvage and the only way out is to come clean—though they make creative attempts at “just plausible” denials.
  • Notable Quote:

    “Some are so bad where I think the publicist would have to say, dude, you just gotta come clean.” – Bert [04:51]

  • Humorous Moment:

    “What would Charlie Sheen’s publicist do?” [04:59]—Suggesting even the most notorious reps would struggle.

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3. Case Study 2: Gabby and the Found Photo

• [06:37 - 18:36] Listener Gabby calls in with a dilemma: Her new boyfriend found a recent photo (taken with the camera he bought her) of Gabby and her ex—the high school sweetheart—which she can’t explain away.
• The Bert Show spins a variety of explanations:
  • Claim the camera had an old roll of film. [09:35]
  • Say she “ran into” her ex by chance and snapped a quick photo (problem: distance/timing makes this hard). [12:09]
  • Take a photo “as proof nothing happened” if anyone saw them together. [12:31, 13:13]
  • Make fun of ex’s looks for friends (“He’s gotten ugly!”). [16:17]
  • Just flat-out deny it’s her (“That’s not me!”—the “R. Kelly PR” defense). [17:41]
• Gabby’s Dilemma Deepens:
  • The photo is between two with her current boyfriend, and her boyfriend already has some suspicions about her friendship with the ex. [10:30, 16:00]
  • Gabby admits she still considers her ex a best friend, which adds to her boyfriend’s distrust. [14:49]
• Community Involvement:
  • Listeners call in offering spins, including “reverse psychology”—if I was hiding something, I wouldn’t leave the photo. [17:21]
  • The ultimate conclusion: None of the “spins” are great, but outright denial or an “innocent” explanation are the best available plays.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Takes a village to lie.” – Bert [11:35]
  • “Why would I take a picture if something was...?” – Pam, caller [17:23]
  • “You were taking a picture of this guy actually to make fun of him with your friends…” – Bert Show Cast [16:50]
• Memorable Exchange:
  • On denying the obvious:

    C: “What if it's so obvious? Do what a guy would do. Just deny that that's you in the picture.” [17:41]

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4. Broader Observations on Personal PR

• [11:31, 14:31] The hosts reflect on the value of plausible deniability and the art of “crisis prevention” (like not repeating the bad behavior).
• Gabby is advised not to see her ex again if she wants her story to stick. [14:30]
• Sometimes, “the best PR plan is to have not done the thing in the first place.” [14:31]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|----------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:11 | Bert | "Isn't it the job of a publicist to create believable lies?" | | 04:51 | Bert | "Some are so bad where I think the publicist would have to say, dude, you just gotta come clean." | | 09:35 | Cast | "She put an old memory stick in a new camera and forgot to format it." (failed spin attempt) | | 11:35 | Bert | "Takes a village to lie." | | 17:23 | Pam (caller) | “If there was something I was trying to hide, why would I take a picture? Duh. Hello.” | | 17:41 | Cassie | “Just deny that that's you in the picture.” (“R. Kelly PR”) |

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Key Segment Timestamps

• [00:50] – Introduction of the episode concept ("PR spin" for personal crises)
• [02:32–05:13] – Ethan’s Cheating Scandal and PR brainstorming
• [06:44–18:36] – Gabby’s found photo crisis & roundtable of “explanations”
• [11:35, 14:31] – Theoretical PR lessons (“takes a village to lie” / don’t get caught again)
• [16:17–17:53] – Wildest “spins” (making fun of the ex, denying it’s you, reverse psychology)

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is playful and irreverent, poking fun at the artifice of both celebrity and everyday scandal management. The Bert Show crew—blending honesty with comedic creativity—reminds listeners that while you can try to spin your way out of trouble, sometimes the best PR move is not to make the mistake at all.

Useful for listeners:
If you've ever wondered how a team of snarky morning show hosts (and listeners) might approach your worst personal faux pas with Hollywood-level “damage control,” this episode is both entertaining and enlightening!

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

You have to have a PR spin on what has happened to you in order to present you in a good light. So we were thinking about this yesterday and, and we were wondering if any of our Burt show listeners need a crisis PR plan because obviously us in here can come up with a better one than Faith Hill's publicist did. So we could come up with a crisis PR plan for you. So if you have embarrassed yourself in one way or another or said something or done something where you need to spin it and sort of have a good excuse for why you did something, whether it was at work or an email you sent or having a conversation about somebody that they busted you on or something in your friend group, your mommy group, your school group, whatever it is, if you need a PR spin, a crisis PR plan, then just give us a call.

[A]

We'll give you something to chew on. 404-741-1005 so we're looking for somebody very specific, something. Any one of those scenarios that Jen just played out could have happened, but you haven't addressed it yet with the people that are concerned with this crisis. So you can still come up with an excuse that is plausible, that is obviously not going to be the truth, but we can get you closer to the truth to where at least they have some doubt in their mind. Like, oh yeah, okay, okay, okay, that sounds, that makes sense to me.

[B]

Yeah. Some sort of, some sort of crisis going on in your life. We've got your crisis PR plan. We'll determine it for you.

[A]

So you got four people here Eager and ready to almost create. I mean, isn't it the job of a publicist to create believable lies?

[C]

Let me give you an example of.

[B]

Somebody who I'm sure all the publicists listening right now.

[A]

Well, isn't it, I mean, with any one of these Brittany things or Kevin Federlines or Faith Hill is a great example, we have to come up with a lie that people will believe.

[C]

You know who could use our help right now probably is that fellow Ethan that we got the phone call about an hour ago, like he's having a little bit of a crisis at work today. His girlfriend found out that he was cheating and decided to take it out on all of his co workers.

[D]

Well, he's cheating with somebody he works with. That's what she is accusing him.

[C]

He's in a bit of a pickle.

[A]

This guy would be perfect. This is perfect because this is the call we took about an hour ago. And we'll continue to take your calls right now to help you out. 404-741-1005. But Jeff is right. This guy right here needs PR spin today.

[C]

Hello.

[E]

Hey, I just have a public service announcement for one of your listeners.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Okay. I just want to say to Ethan that Ethan shouldn't leave his laptop up and running on the kitchen table when his girlfriend spends the night, especially if he's been trading emails for months with a married co worker that he's been doing at lunch and after work. Because if she wanted to, Ethan's girlfriend could email herself all of his contacts and forward herself all of the emails that you have exchanged with the slut. And as soon as she gets home, she could email all of those to all, all of your co workers. She could even take drunken naked vacation photos from the fourth of July weekend and send them as well. So everyone, including the slut you were doing, knows about your shortcomings. And to the whore named Sarah, who is married, you are a piece of trash. And to her husband Raj, I'm going to call you and tell you everything when I get home tonight. So I hope all of you have a great day.

[A]

Day. All right, so that's the call that we take. We didn't even know that was coming in this morning. So now if you're Ethan, you're like, okay, I need a good PR spin because he is definitely in crisis at this point. So if Ethan was the call that came in, what can we come up with for this guy?

[D]

There's a lot of evidence there.

[A]

There's a lot of evidence.

[D]

It's not just like a quick camera shot, huh?

[C]

Quit. Quit via text message. That's my advice.

[B]

Yeah, sorry.

[C]

This is a tough one to spin, buddy. Sorry about that.

[A]

There are some that are so bad where I think the publicist would have to say, dude, you just gotta come clean.

[C]

Oh, no, we just gotta. We gotta open our minds. Because a Hollywood publicist would find us.

[B]

Hold on, hold on. What would Charlie Sheen's publicist do? We gotta get into the mind of that because he was the one who was running around on all women's.

[A]

Here's what we need to do.

[C]

We need to spin it back on the girl Brooke who called up.

[A]

So she's the one that's been screwing around and crazy.

[C]

She is obviously crazy and betrayed his trust by entering into his computer.

[B]

And she created those emails in order to get him fired so he would spend more time with her.

[C]

Something like that. And the pictures that were taken over 4th of July weekend were obviously taken over a fence, through the woods, Photoshopped to grandmother's house.

[D]

There we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even if they weren't, even if he came clean on those, because I don't think that's part of the offense. He was having sex with her. Her on vacation. Our caller. Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So those are legit. So I think at that point he'd have to say, and I'm totally hurt that she would share this intimacy that we had together because now you've got to create sympathy for him back. So I can't believe that she would lash out in a way like this, where we shared something so special.

[D]

So not only is she betraying me and my trust, but in creating those emails too, you have to understand, I mean, she's destroying someone else and someone else's life in our workplace. So, I mean, yeah, totally. About her being. Yeah. Being out of her head.

[B]

Well, now, what if he created her as being crazy and a gold digger? Because he could say that she created all of this because he told her he wasn't going to buy her a Mercedes or something like that. Like, really, like, extra vilify her.

[A]

This one's going to be. This is tough.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This one is going to be tough. All right.

[D]

All right.

[A]

You guys ready to think?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Crisis, Priscilla, Gabby, you're on the Burchos crisis PR management. Let's hear what you got.

[E]

Yes, good morning. Well, it's a little situation and I still haven't resolved and I still don't know how. Well, here's the thing. I had just moved in with my boyfriend about two months Ago, Okay. And he decided for any reason that he wanted to be nice and clean on my car because I haven't been around for it.

[D]

Okay?

[E]

So as he's cleaning my car, he calls me out of nowhere. He's like, I found a picture, I want to talk to you. And in my head it didn't. Nothing popped up. So when he finally approached me, he had found the picture that I had took with my ex boyfriend, my high school sweetheart. Now I gave him no explanation for any reason, but the worst part about it was it was the camera that my recent boy may have just bought me. So I have no excuse, no nothing.

[A]

Oh, damn. Okay, so you can't say these were old pictures because they were taken.

[E]

No, it was with his camera that he bought me.

[A]

Was there? Was there. We need a couple of more facts here.

[C]

Maybe.

[A]

Were there any couple of weeks there where you guys took any kind of trial separation?

[E]

I mean, we were mad like that weekend. I'm pretty sure it was that weekend, but I don't really know. We were mad at each other, but we never broke it off. I had just walked out, like from the argument and I went to go meet him. He didn't know anything about it until he found the pictures.

[B]

Is there any way that you could have run into your ex boyfriend?

[E]

Innocently, no, because he lives about half an hour to an hour away from me now. But he knows with each other. In order for us to run into each other.

[C]

Doesn't the Kroger near his house have the best deli of all the Kroger's you've ever been to? So you are going. So you go to that grocery store to get your groceries because they have the freshest stuff. So you were up there. That puts you up there without a. You know.

[D]

Depends on what the big was in the picture. Yeah, like what did the picture show by any chance?

[C]

Were you buying a sandwich?

[D]

I mean.

[E]

Well, see, the picture shows it's just my face and my high school sweetheart space. It's just we pointed up the camera and shot it ourselves. You see nothing of a background or anything? I mean, I guess the little thing to help with it, the camera was in black and white. So you can't see no color of the place where we were actually at.

[A]

That helps actually then.

[E]

Well, that makes it worse. But it helps me kind of.

[C]

Let me ask, where were you really?

[E]

We were at a parking lot from the mall.

[A]

Did you have sex with this guy?

[E]

No.

[A]

So what if. I mean, are you. I'm just trying to figure out exactly what you're like. You definitely shouldn't have been there, for sure. However, if you just tell him something to the effect of, I just made a bad decision and after you and I got into a fight, he was the first person I turned to. I don't even know that that works. Because he's going to be mad about that.

[E]

I mean, of course, because he. He knows that's the person. He's still afraid that I'll go back and run to him because of the fact he was my high school sweetheart.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, he obviously has reasons for that.

[C]

Oh, you got Tracy Peluso has it.

[A]

What do you got? What do you got?

[C]

She put an old memory stick in a new camera and forgot to format it.

[A]

Old memory stick in the new camera.

[C]

And forgot to delete the pictures.

[A]

Is that a possibility?

[E]

No, because that camera was just a little disposable camera. It wasn't a digital camera.

[A]

That sucks.

[C]

Tracy sucks at this.

[B]

What about.

[D]

Gotta dumb it down.

[B]

Do you have any children with your current boyfriend or ex?

[E]

No. No, no, no. No kids at all yet.

[C]

Well, you can fall back on the Faith Hill excuse and go, I was just joking. Just a joke.

[D]

The ex boyfriend, could it have been them? I mean, because I know you say you have to make an effort to run it. I mean, there's always a possibility the ex boyfriend was here. Is there any way that he was looking, is ran into her and was. Does it have cheering up him? I don't know.

[A]

Does it have a date on the picture?

[E]

No, no, it doesn't. But I mean, like the pictures, because, you know, after I got it developed, the picture before that with me was with me and my current boyfriend. And even the picture after that, this is that picture in the middle.

[D]

Now, if I was your manager, I'd say once you develop those pictures, you must separate them and not leave them in your car.

[E]

Well, I didn't. It was just that picture alone, but it was just a little index copy where you see all the rest of them. And that's where he saw that it was in between both of them.

[A]

Oh, I see. I see. So you took the large picture out, but that one, that all of them was not there. Okay, wait, this one's tough.

[B]

This is really difficult.

[D]

Good thing we're not in this industry.

[B]

What did you say to. I mean, have you said anything to him yet?

[E]

I mean, he had asked me, but it was a good thing I was at work when he approached me. So I was like, well, I gotta get back to work. We'll talk about it later.

[A]

Okay, so it's still just kind of hanging there, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, so what we need to do is we need to ask the virtual community for help here. 404. 741 1,504. We'll do crisis management together.

[D]

Takes a village to lie.

[A]

Because we can't figure this one out. The picture is wedged in between two current pictures. It's of you and your old high school sweetheart. It was taken after you had an argument with your current. And the last place in the world you should have turned was to your ex. Your current has seen the picture. How do you explain that picture to your current? Damn.

[B]

Well, we have to say that it is a random run in that you randomly ran into this guy. So we've got to determine where you randomly run into your ex boyfriend.

[A]

I think that's the only way out of this.

[C]

Yeah, but then you've got the whole.

[A]

Problem of he's only 30 minutes away or whatever and.

[C]

Yeah, but the two faces. Like, you randomly run into a lot of people. But when do you snap a picture like that?

[A]

Well, why would she have the camera anyway? Did you go specifically to see this guy and take pictures, or did you.

[B]

No, no, no.

[E]

I just always carry that camera with me because you just never know what would happen that you need to take a camera with.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Maybe you were taking that picture as proof that nothing happened in case somebody saw you guys hanging out together.

[D]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

Booyah.

[C]

Like, how is that proof?

[E]

I don't know.

[B]

It's a stretch.

[A]

So what? So is I'm joking. Or she was just joking at least.

[B]

But what if it's that, you know, I ran into him at the mall. We ended up talking and having a conversation. I shouldn't have talked to him about our fight, but I did, and I think that so. And so one of your friends that you and your current boyfriend know. I think so. And so. Saw us at the mall. So? So to make sure that you didn't get any rumors or hear anything weird, I took a picture as proof that we saw each other that day, but nothing happened. And he was laughing about it, so that's why he's smiling in the picture. What do you think?

[A]

I think it's better than what she has now, which is zilch.

[C]

See, I actually think that's worse.

[A]

No.

[C]

Yes, absolutely. Because then that becomes. Oh, why would you think that I would think something would happen? Like, I run into a lot of people and I don't take pictures of them.

[A]

Because it's an ass.

[C]

Unless you have a guilty conscience.

[A]

No, no, it's.

[B]

She was protecting herself boyfriend, and we were having a conversation, and I was just. I wanted to make sure that nobody misconstrued it the wrong way.

[A]

And Franklin has an idea for you also. Okay, Franklin, go ahead.

[E]

All right. I think she should tell her current boyfriend that her ex boyfriend broke up with a girlfriend, and he was very distraught, and she. He was looking for her consultation and, you know, and just comfort.

[D]

Still doesn't explain the picture, though. Like, was the picture part of trying to cheer him up or. Goes back to what Jen said. Is that picture was to show proof. I know I'm acknowledging I was with.

[A]

Him, and I'm taking this picture just to. As kind of like security, just in case the word got back to you that we were with each other. I even took a picture just to show you nothing was going on.

[D]

And why would I show you a picture if something was.

[A]

Yeah, that could work. That could work.

[D]

Now, the.

[A]

I think it's the only thing that can work.

[D]

The most important thing about crisis management with Faith heal, and with you is that you cannot show the behavior again. You know, like, you can't now, then go back to your ex.

[E]

I don't want to go back to my ex, but that's kind of one of the reasons that I still talk to him. And occasionally we still talk.

[C]

Why?

[D]

Why is that?

[E]

Huh?

[C]

Why do you still talk to him if you don't want to go back to him?

[E]

Because I still find him as one of my best friends that he. I mean, we were. We pretty much grew up together, so he understands me more than my current boyfriend does now.

[A]

You see? But as your publicist, we would have to tell you that, I mean, we can help you out of this jam. And I think Jan has probably given you the only possible scenario.

[B]

Like, it's not even Franklin's, too, though.

[A]

They're not even that great, but they certainly are better than nothing. Than nothing. And I think it speaks volumes that he called you at work and you said, hey, you know what? Let's just talk about this later. And you were all cool and calm about it, that he's not pressing you on it. He's ready to believe your lie.

[E]

He is. But it's more of a fact that he knows it's true. And he thinks that if I still went with him or if I did anything with him on that day, what is he gonna do about it? He's either gonna leave me, and we're Going to have to then make this big argument who's going to keep the house and belonging.

[C]

Has your current boyfriend ever met them? Met him before?

[E]

Yes.

[C]

How long ago?

[E]

It was maybe about two months ago.

[A]

Two months.

[E]

And it was. And it was actually he met him on a bad way because I had went to go see my ex and we were just hanging out at his job and he knew where he worked so he ready. He parked his car next to my. Waiting for me to go back into my car.

[A]

So this guy already knows what's going on. I mean he's on to you.

[C]

Well, hold on because I might have that. This might be a good one. Tracy actually might be good at this. So he knows what he looks like. Is your ex a good looking guy? Yes, because here's what I'm thinking. This is what Tracy's saying. I'm thinking she's onto something. What if you tell him I took a picture of my ex because I don't know if you can tell or not, but he looks so much worse than he did when we were dating that I wanted to show my girlfriend who used to think he was so hot how ugly he's gotten.

[A]

It still doesn't get you to the point of what they were doing together. Anyway, she ran into him. So they're running into.

[C]

Because they have the freshest produce at that particular grocery store.

[A]

So you were taking a picture of this guy actually to make fun of him with your current or with her friends or with your friends rather than. Well, for whatever reason you had before we started talking to you. Yeah, these are stretches but they're certainly more believable than nothing.

[E]

I guess.

[C]

So glad to help.

[A]

Hold on one sec. Pam. Okay, Pam, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[E]

She totally needs to just reverse psychology and say if there was something I.

[B]

Was trying to hide.

[E]

Why would I take a picture? Duh. Hello. She just seems totally denying. Just like it's right there. Why would I leave that? Okay, well go ahead. In the camera if it was she just need to reverse psychology and make him think about. Just get into his head.

[A]

What if you do.

[C]

What if it's so obvious? Do what a guy would do. Just deny that that's you in the picture.

[A]

Right?

[C]

That's not me. I took that picture because my ex boyfriend is dating someone who looks just like me.

[A]

It's R. Kelly. Pr. Yeah, that's not me. All right, so what we have come up for you is this is that it was a spontaneous meeting.

[B]

Perhaps you randomly ran into at the mall.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And he I like Franklin's part about it was he needed some advice so I felt bad for him. We've grown up together. I've known him a long time. So we ended up talking and you can pick either one of the excuses, either Tracy and Jeff's spin on it where he.

[C]

He just got ugly.

[B]

He didn't look good. He got ugly so I took a picture to make fun of him later. Or you could take the other angle where I took a picture picture just to make sure you would know nothing was wrong in case anybody saw me talking to him and consoling him at the mall.

[E]

Okay, thanks guys.

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