The Bert Show – Vault: Premarital Counseling Stories

Date: January 29, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Crew (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into real-life stories of premarital counseling, exploring how structured conversations about marriage can clarify – or complicate – couples’ readiness for commitment. Listeners call in to share anecdotes where counseling was an eye-opener, sometimes even derailing wedding plans. The episode is lively, authentic, and blends humor with surprisingly deep moments.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Premarital Counseling Before Official Engagement

• [00:05] The episode opens with a story about Alison, who hasn’t been officially engaged yet because she and her partner want to get through pre-engagement counseling first, even though their wedding is already planned.

2. Stephanie’s Cautionary Tale: “We were divorced in eight months.”

• [00:36] Stephanie calls in with a retrospective account: she and her partner, after living together for four years, did premarital counseling as a formality.
• [01:03] The counseling was an intense, immersive two-day event with "all day classes" and compatibility quizzes, focusing on core beliefs—especially about family and religion.
  • Memorable Quote:

    “You think you know what’s going on. Apparently, we didn’t, because it didn’t go over so well.” – Stephanie [01:30]

• [01:52] Stephanie highlights religious differences (Catholic vs. Baptist) as a dealbreaker that only surfaced during counseling.
• [02:22] Both realized their incompatibility, but were too deep into plans (including a destination wedding in Germany) to call it off.

3. Personality Tests as a Marriage Prep Tool

• [03:07] The host reflects on his own experience:
  • He and wife Stacey did personality tests in Dallas that revealed they were both “spenders,” which at least helped them anticipate future marital challenges.
  • This identification process didn’t change their relationship but fostered self-awareness.

4. Margaret’s Unexpected Counselor Advice

• [03:56] Margaret shares that her counselor directly advised against marriage after a relatively minor argument about wedding invitations.
  • Memorable Quote:

    “Honestly, I just don’t think you two need to get married.” – Counselor, quoted by Margaret [05:10]

• [05:07] Margaret’s reaction was emotional; she cried through the session, but the couple stayed together, ignored the advice, and have been happily married for over a year.
• [06:05] The hosts muse whether the counselor’s 'reverse psychology' technique was a genuine effort or tactic to reinforce couples’ commitment.

5. The Insights and Surprises of Counseling (Ann’s Story)

• [06:27] Ann, another caller, describes Catholic premarital counseling as a requirement — and the statistic that “40% of people that come in end up not getting married by the end of it.”
  • Memorable Quote:

    “It is amazing how much you don’t know... Even after six years living together, stuff comes up.” – Ann [06:53]

• [07:31] Even after extensive cohabitation, counseling surfaced unexpected disagreements (e.g., where to live, when to have kids), reaffirming the importance of revisiting major topics as circumstances change.

6. When Counselors Are Blunt – and Biased (Melissa & Margaret’s Story)

• [08:34] Margaret/Melissa encountered serious pushback from a church counselor because of a faith difference: as a Buddhist, she was told she “had no business marrying a Christian” and was accused of a “cult religion.”
  • Memorable Quote:

    “They basically told me I was part of a cult religion and that I really had no business marrying a Christian.” – Margaret [08:46]

• [09:17] Despite the lack of support, Margaret attended church and Bible study with her partner and remained open, methodically blending beliefs for the wedding.

7. The Role of Counselors: Advisors or Gatekeepers?

• [09:48] Hosts express surprise that some counselors act as “judge and jury,” directly telling couples not to marry instead of just pointing out issues.
• [10:00-10:40] Some opinions frame the counselor’s job as flagging red flags (financial habits, number of children, beliefs about family roles), and tallying them up until “the writing is on the wall.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Stephanie [01:30]:

  “We thought we knew... apparently we didn’t, because it didn’t go over so well.”

• Counselor (via Margaret) [05:10]:

  “Honestly, I just don’t think you two need to get married.”

• Ann [06:53]:

  “It is amazing how much you don’t know... Even after six years living together, stuff comes up.”

• Margaret [08:46]:

  “They basically told me I was part of a cult religion and that I really had no business marrying a Christian.”

• Host [09:48]:

  “I didn’t realize the counselor could be judge and jury... This is the first time I’ve heard of counselors going, ‘this is never gonna work.’”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:05 — Alison’s pre-engagement counseling story
• 00:36 — Stephanie’s failed marriage after counseling
• 03:07 — Host’s experience with personality tests
• 03:56 — Margaret’s counselor told them not to marry
• 06:27 — Ann on Catholic counseling and that “40%” breakup stat
• 08:34 — Margaret: religious bias in counseling
• 09:48 — Hosts debate whether counselors should veto marriages

Takeaways

• Premarital counseling can uncover hidden incompatibilities—even for couples who’ve lived together for years.
• Counselors may sometimes take a directive approach, advising couples to split, particularly when major red flags (religion, finance, family planning) surface.
• For some, counseling is validating or clarifying; for others, it is a point of conflict or even bias.
• The biggest insight: Even minor arguments or dormant issues can be magnified in counseling, challenging assumptions about intimacy, compatibility, and long-term partnership.

Tone: Conversational, candid, irreverent, with moments of vulnerability and humor.
Best for: Anyone intrigued by the human drama of marriage prep, relationship-minded listeners, or those considering counseling themselves.