Vault: She Ditch Him Because Of The One Thing He Didn't Offer Her

Summary

The Bert Show Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Vault: She Ditched Him Because Of The One Thing He Didn't Offer Her
Date: December 19, 2025
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Theme: Second Date Update – Small Gestures, Big Meanings in Dating

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Overview

This episode centers around a classic "Second Date Update": Chad seeks closure after an apparently great first weekend with Charlie, only to be ghosted afterward. The cast and listeners dive into a surprising relationship deal-breaker: Chad didn't offer Charlie his bed when she crashed at his place, and this small courtesy, or lack thereof, sparked a bigger discussion about dating etiquette, chivalry, and personal expectations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chad & Charlie’s First Encounters

• [01:49] Chad’s Story:

  • Newly divorced, Chad’s friends set him up with Charlie.
  • They meet at a party, connect, share drinks, and kiss.
  • The next day, they go on a date: drinks and appetizers at Houston’s → movie at Phipps Plaza → hang out at Chad’s place.
  • Charlie stays over due to the late hour but sleeps on the couch while Chad takes the bed.
  • Afterward, Chad tries to call; Charlie doesn’t respond.

• Chad’s Reflection:

  • He’s confused, believing the dates went perfectly—“I can’t imagine what would have happened.”
  • He hopes the show can help him gain closure.

2. Initial Theories and Gender Perspectives

• [04:23] The Cast Speculates:

  • Was something off at Chad’s place?
  • Did he snore or was the living room weird?
  • He insists he cleaned thoroughly and had nothing incriminating.

• Listener Call-in:

  • “Does she know you like her?”
  • Focus shifts to the sleeping arrangements: was she upset being given the couch?

3. Charlie Reveals the Real Deal-Breaker

• [06:33] Charlie Joins the Show:

  • Admits surprise at being live on air but opens up.

• [07:49] The Missing Gesture:

  • “I just kind of thought, like, you didn't even offer that I could... you didn't even offer up, like, your bed. Like, I don't know. I'm used to if I have guests, I always give up my bed for a guest.” (Charlie, 07:51)
  • She was raised to always offer the best accommodation to guests, and found his omission rude.
  • “I don't think that is being a gentleman. I think it's kind of like just sticking me on the couch.” (Charlie, 08:52)

• [09:12] Hosts Respond:

  • The cast splits:
    • Some agree the offer should always be made (“At least you make the offer even if it grosses you out.” – Bert, 09:12)
    • Others (mainly Cassie) find using an unknown guy’s sheets a little “gross.”

4. Tip Etiquette – Another Small Signal

• [11:06] Another Detail Surfaces:

  • Charlie notes Chad allowed her to pay the tip at their restaurant.
  • “He wanted to pay the whole bill… so I said ‘well, can I pay the tip?’ and he let me, and I don’t like that. He should have been like, ‘no, are you crazy?’” (Charlie, 11:34)

• Cast Reaction:

  • The expectation isn’t universal—some see Chad refusing as controlling, others as chivalry.

5. Feedback & Resolution

• [12:53] Listeners Weigh In:
  • Some support Charlie’s perspective: “He probably should have just honestly offered the bed and told her that he would sleep on the couch.” (Listener Aaron, 13:05)
  • Chad explains his intent:
    • Was trying not to be presumptuous or seem as if he wanted to push the relationship into the bedroom.
    • “If I say, here, come into bed, that means that maybe I'm gonna end up being in there too, because I'll try to kiss you more, and then we'll be in the bed. Like, let's move this to the bedroom. You know what I mean?” (Chad, 14:08)

6. The Aftermath: Are They Going Out Again?

• [14:34] Second Chance?
  • Charlie, upon hearing Chad’s explanation, reconsiders.
    • “I would (go out again)... Now that I hear him explain, makes sense to me. And I probably shouldn't have cut him off so quickly.” (Charlie, 15:26)
  • Bert summarizes, “At least you got closure, Chad!”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It's just the offer."
  (Charlie, 10:13)

  • Summing up her core issue—she wasn’t looking for the bed, but the gesture.

• "I can't win on that one. It just depends on person to person, really."
  (Chad, 12:50)

  • Highlighting universal confusion around dating expectations.

• "If you say, 'I'll get the tip,' just mean that. I want to get the tip, as opposed to... because I was gonna pay the whole thing."
  (Chad, 16:33)

  • Frustration with “mixed messages” in dating.

• "We're so encrypted."
  (Cassie, 16:34)

• "Everybody has a sign. ...if the guy doesn't open your door for you, then he's probably not a guy you want to continue going out with."
  (Bert, 15:10)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:49] Chad recounts the timeline and details of the two dates
• [06:33] Charlie is brought on air
• [07:49] Charlie identifies the lack of an offer for the bed as the main reason she ghosted Chad
• [09:12] Group debate on whether the bed should be offered
• [11:06] Second "sign": splitting the tip at dinner
• [13:03] Listener feedback supporting the importance of courtesy
• [14:08] Chad’s motives explained—didn’t want to seem presumptuous
• [15:26] Charlie reconsiders and is open to a second date
• [16:33] Chad and the cast reflect on dating “signals” and mixed expectations

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode maintains the light, banter-filled tone characteristic of The Bert Show, blending authentic humor with earnest dives into modern dating psychology. The hosts and listeners candidly explore the complexity of small gestures—what seems minor to one can mean everything to another. The debate is lively and at times gender-divided, but ultimately constructive, and the episode ends on a rare happy note as both parties agree to another date after honest communication.

Key takeaway:
Sometimes, it’s not about the bed—it’s about the offer. Small acts of courtesy set the tone for how we feel about each other, especially in those all-important first dates. Clear, honest communication (even if awkward) is often the real key to connection.

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For listeners:
This episode is a strong dose of dating reality and a reminder that little things matter—sometimes a lot. It's relatable, funny, and, this time, even heartwarming.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hey, the Burt Show. All right, second date update. Who we talking to first here? Jeff. Chad. Chad. And again, second date update. Generally, this usually happens the other way around where the woman thinks that the date went great.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And can't figure out why he's not calling her back. But it's a little different here today. Cause it's Chad. Hey, Chad.

[D]

Hey, what's going on?

[B]

How are you this morning? Okay, usually the rules of engagement are this. You know, you'll tell us about what happened between you and whatever her name is. We'll try to kind of predict and figure out exactly what wrong, what went wrong before we even call her. And then we'll get her on and we will try to strong arm her into complete honesty with you. So if nothing else, at least you can walk out of here with some closure on the whole thing, you know?

[D]

Right on.

[B]

All right, so what happened?

[D]

Well, let's see, I guess. Well, I was divorced a couple of years ago about. Actually just about a year and a half. And my friends have been trying to set me up with all sorts of people. And lately they've been talking about this woman, Charlie. And there was a party, it was two weeks ago, the weekend before Labor Day on Saturday night. And she was there and I got a chance to meet her. We totally hit it off. And it was. We talked all night and we had a couple drinks and we had a lot to talk about. It was really nice. We even kissed a little bit at the end of the night and we had A great time, but we went home separately. But I asked her out for the next day. And so on Sunday we met at, I think it was like 4 o', clock, 4:30 over at Houston's and just had a couple of drinks and then like some appetizers. Went over to Phipps Plaza and caught a movie. And then we ended up back at my place, which, you know, you know, we had a cocktail and just hung out and you know, we kissed a little bit more, but you know, we did. Nothing totally happened, but it was a really nice night and it got really late and she didn't want to sleep with me. So I was like, that's cool, you can stay here.

[B]

So you guys met on Saturday and she spent the night on Sunday?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. But we didn't sleep in the same bed. She slept on the couch and I slept in the bed. And it was. Everything was cool. She had to work the next morning and so she took off at like 5:30 or 6 and went back to her place to change and everything. And since then I called twice, but she never called me back. And I don't know why because I don't know, everything went. I mean, it really did go perfectly.

[B]

Everything seemed to click and conversation was fine. And I'm sure you're looking back at this date and you're going over every minute and you can't figure out where it went wrong exactly.

[D]

I mean, we have mutual friends and everything, you know, I mean, we're both into the same kinds of music and you know, I mean, it just was. I don't know. I don't know what happened, but she won't call me back. And I don't want to keep calling, you know. Cause I don't want to. I'm not the stalker type, you know what I mean?

[C]

Well, and it seems like a lot of times when we do this sort of thing or we talk about dating, girls get freaked out by guys, places. Like maybe something was weird about your place, but if she spent the night there, then obviously something wasn't that weird about it.

[B]

Is there anything in that living room or in that area near where she slept that would incriminate you of something ugly?

[D]

I mean, no. I mean, I just moved. So it's like I got rid of everything. I mean, I basically like got rid of my whole life. And like, there's just like there's a television, a DVD player. I mean, you know, obviously I thought that maybe she'd come back with me. So, I mean, I'd hoped anyway. And you know, of course I cleaned and cleaned. You know, I swiffered and mopped and the whole thing.

[B]

You can't believe how clean we will make an apartment look, even though it's not. But if you open up that one door where we've thrown all that crap, you're gonna call us out.

[D]

Well, that just is. I just moved, so I got rid of all that crap. You know what I mean? Like, I just. Garbage bags full of stuff that I got rid of. So. I mean, there really was. I mean, I can't imagine what would have happened. I mean, I really can't. That she snooped or anything. And I don't think I snore. I don't know. But, you know, there was only, like, two hours of sleeping anyway. We talked way into the night, so.

[B]

All right. Craig has a theory. Hey, Crai, you're on all the hits Q100.

[D]

Yes, sir.

[E]

I got one question.

[D]

Does she know that you like her? I mean, Yeah. I mean, I think so.

[B]

They went out the next day after the party and spent the whole day and night together, so, yeah, I would think so.

[D]

And then. So you made her sleep on the couch as opposed to giving up the bed? Yeah, I mean, I just kind of offered the couch. I mean, she was already, like, kind of passed out there.

[C]

I don't think that's a big deal. Cause I would not want to sleep in a guy's bed sheets that I didn't know very well. I'd rather sleep on the couch. Yeah, if I was, you know, too tipsy to drive home or whatever and was gonna spend the night on the couch, that would be the choice, rather than unless you got clean sheets. I don't.

[B]

I don't want to be in your bed, so. Wouldn't make. So that doesn't make any sense. Jeff has gotten Charlie on with us, and I do believe she knows why she's on. Hey, Charlie.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

How are you?

[E]

I'm good.

[B]

Good. You're on the radio now. And all the hits Q100.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay. Charlie, we have Chad on the phone with us.

[D]

Hey, Charlie.

[E]

Hi.

[B]

And he said he's been trying to get in touch with you for a while now, but you haven't been returning his phone calls. And we do a little thing here called Second Date Update, where we're hoping that you'll come completely clean with him and be honest on why there hasn't been a second date and. What?

[D]

Chad?

[E]

Yeah, okay. God.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

What?

[C]

Chick didn't prepare?

[B]

No, not so well.

[C]

I'm just.

[E]

I just. I Can't believe. Okay.

[B]

Did you just wake up?

[E]

Well, I'm just a little surprised to do this on, like, radio. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry, Chad.

[B]

This is the part where you say you'd rather her be honest and have closure on the whole thing than be left in the dark and you talk her into telling us on the radio.

[D]

Yeah, Charlie, I just. I'm not sure. I mean, I thought we hit it off great and, I don't know, we had a great night. And then since you left for work, I never heard from you and I'd love to know why.

[E]

Well, it's okay.

[B]

To be totally honest.

[E]

I just. I thought we did hit it off great, and I had a total fun time and it was. I just felt like, you know, when we were back your place and stuff, and I crashed and I just kind of thought, like, you didn't even offer that I could. You didn't even offer up, like, your bed. Like, I don't know. I'm used to. If I have guests, I always give up my bed for a guest. It's like, so. Like, I just was born and raised that way. My mother's always done it anytime, you know, any of her girlfriends were over and slipped over. I had to give my bed. It's just. So I just thought that was sort of a little rude, and I was kind of put off by that.

[B]

We had a caller. When we had Chad on just a couple of minutes ago, we had a caller on that, tried to predict on what happened, and he said the same thing.

[C]

That surprises me, though.

[F]

Yeah, me too. Charlie, Jen and I disagreed with the caller because we thought it was more of him being a gentleman doing that.

[B]

Were you just upset that he never offered?

[E]

I don't think that is being a gentleman. I think it's. I think it's kind of like just sticking me on the couch.

[C]

You would have rather slept in his sheets? His dirty sheets?

[E]

Well, yeah, I don't know if they were dirty, but I would rather have had him offer because to me, that's the. You know, that's the bed. That's, like, where you put your guests.

[B]

I agree. I agree with her 100%. At least you make the offer even if it grosses you out. As a woman, as a guy, I think it's only polite to say, look, you take what is supposed to be the more comfortable of the two situations.

[F]

Okay, that's it.

[C]

So the.

[F]

So it's not that he invited you into his bed with him in it. What you're saying is you Would have preferred him to sleep on the couch and you in the bed.

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[F]

All right. I was confused.

[E]

Well, and he's giving the option.

[B]

Yeah, I understand that. Because if it was said that, look, you guys weren't going to sleep together that night, but you were going to be in the house, then I think, Chad, you've got a. The polite thing to do is offer up, like I said, what is supposed to be the most comfortable of the situations. And that should be the bed.

[E]

Right.

[B]

Unless you're a germaphobe like Chen Hobby. And you won't take it.

[C]

I don't know why, but that just grosses me out. Like, yeah, if he. If he was, like, you know, offering the bed and then said he would change the sheets into, like, a new set of sheets, then maybe that's a different story. But I'm not getting in some dude's bed.

[B]

But is it the offer? Let's forget about it.

[E]

Let's say he's really clean, though. Like, his apartment was really clean.

[B]

It was the offer that's. That's bothering you?

[E]

It's just the offer.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Like, I don't know. Maybe that's just how I was raised.

[F]

Well, Charlie, what does that say about Chad? Like, because obviously it turns you off so much that you didn't return his calls. Like, how. What do you think that says about him?

[E]

I just thought it was. It was impolite. And I just thought, you know how you meet people and they're just sort of, like, out for themselves first, and that's. I mean, maybe there were other hints throughout the night when I.

[B]

When I was dating. Here's what I looked at on that first date. It's never gonna get better between the two of you than it is on those first couple of dates.

[E]

Is that your best date?

[B]

That's your best behavior. So. And you're doing anything you can to, A, make a good impression, and B, make that person as comfortable as possible. And if the thought process there isn't that he was thinking, hey, I need to make her as comfortable as possible, then maybe there's a bigger problem there.

[E]

And, well, there was one more thing, too.

[F]

Right. You were talking about other signs that he may be out for himself.

[E]

Yeah. When we went to Houston's, which was great, and. And everything, I just, you know, I kind of felt bad. He wanted to pay the whole bill, which. Well, I didn't feel bad, but I know sometimes it could be a little awkward. It's like our first real dinner, and, you know, so I said, well, Can I pay the tip? And he let me, and I don't like that.

[F]

So you offered, but he should have turned you down.

[E]

He should have been like, no, are you crazy?

[B]

And you had me up until then?

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

You know, because my thing is, like, I don't know if I would have been as critical about the couch thing, because I think I would have been more impressed that he brought me. Me to his house and still allowed me to feel safe because he. Because I feel like if a guy was only up for himself, like, he would have tried his best to have you in the bed with him and then. Or kick you out. You know what I'm saying? And then now you offered to do the tip, and because it didn't turn you down, even though he bought dinner, I just. I feel like you're holding him up to an impossible standard.

[B]

I don't think. I don't think she is. I really don't. I mean, I would have handled it that way. If you would have offered the tip, I would have said, there's not a chance. No way I would have done that. However, the fact that you offered makes it okay for him to say, okay, then go ahead and leave the tip. I don't think there's anything wrong with that part of the equation. But the part of him letting you sleep on the couch without even offering I think says something.

[E]

Yeah, I don't like that, Chad.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, the tip. I mean, I've actually had a problem the other way when I've refused, that I must pay the whole bill, that they're like, oh, what are you trying to control things here? You know, and it's. It's totally backfired.

[B]

These mixed messages.

[D]

You can't win on that one. It just depends on person to person, really.

[C]

Some women want chivalry. Other women think that you're insulting them.

[D]

Right. What, you don't think I can make money? You know, that sort of thing.

[B]

Hold on one sec, y'. All. Virtual listener. Aaron, Good morning.

[E]

Good morning.

[B]

Hi.

[E]

I just wanted to say I totally agree. I'm not trying to make him feel bad, but I do agree about he probably should have just honestly offered the bed and told her that he would sleep on the couch. That's what I would have preferred.

[B]

Just the offer is really what's bothering you here. Right, Charlie?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

That you never even got the offer. He never even thought about it.

[E]

He. He just kind of, like, started bringing out pillows and a blanket, and it was like, okay, that's like, something I.

[B]

Would do to one of my guy friends.

[E]

Yeah, that's what it felt like.

[B]

You make it comfortable for your guy friend on the couch. But if it's a woman, you would give her what is going to be the more comfortable of the situations.

[E]

Yeah, I felt like I wasn't even, like, good enough in maybe.

[D]

Can I say my perspective on that?

[B]

Sure, yeah.

[D]

I mean, I was kind of assuming that I was not going to, you know, try to get with you that night. And I would. And if by offering you the bed, maybe you would think that I was pushing the limit of, you know, sexual.

[E]

Contact, you wouldn't be in the bed.

[D]

Right. But, you know, sometimes if I say, here, come into bed, that means that maybe I'm gonna end up being in there too, because I'll try to kiss you more, and then we'll be in the bed. Like, let's move this to the bedroom. You know what I mean? That's why I didn't, like, do that. I mean, otherwise I would have loved to have slept in the bed with you, or I wouldn't have mind offering you the bed. But it seemed like things were going well, and I didn't want to push it knowing that.

[B]

Charlie, would you go out with Chad again?

[E]

Yeah, I think I would.

[B]

Chad, do you even want to go out with Charlie again?

[D]

I mean, sure. I mean, we've had this awkward radio moment, but, I mean, hadn't it been fun? I mean, I thought we had a nice time together, and that's more important than anything.

[B]

You know, everybody's got signs, though. Like, we've talked about this before. Like, everybody has a sign. Like, I forget what movie it was that the sign was that if the guy doesn't open your door for you, then he's probably not a guy you want to continue going out with.

[E]

A Bronx Tale.

[B]

Is it A Bronx Tale?

[C]

Okay, well, and there's all. Yeah, there's all kinds of signs. You know, them opening doors and things like that. But still, it. I don't know, it seems to me that she's a little bit high maintenance.

[B]

Hey, Charlie, can we get some closure here? Would you go out again with Chad or is this thing over?

[E]

I would, because I actually just like, that's just how I am. I just see something, I go, eh, done. But now that I hear him explain, makes sense to me. And I probably shouldn't have cut him off so quickly. That's just kind of how I am.

[B]

Chad, did you get what you wanted out of this?

[D]

Sure. I mean, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I was just wondering why she Wasn't calling, but I thought maybe she left on a vacation or. I didn't know, you know.

[B]

Are you kind of turned off by the way she handled the whole. You've been calling and calling and calling. She hadn't called you back.

[D]

Well, I understand that this sort of thing happens. I mean, remember, I've been married and divorced. So, you know, I've been. I feel like I've been around, you know, the block. And I understand that sometimes people have their things, you know, So I just would rather them be on the table and honest and direct. And that if I say something like, you know, if you say. If you say I'll get the tip, just mean that I want to get the tip as opposed to. Because I was gonna pay the whole thing.

[C]

We're so encrypted.

[B]

Good luck. Good luck with that.

[D]

That's the best. But at least if we could start out that way before, you know, everybody starts, you know, throwing signs and stuff and, you know, I don't know. I mean, I understand because, I mean, I've done it in the past myself, you know, so, you know, had these things and Charlie been like you before, you know, where it's like, one thing happens and, you know, whether they're a smoker or, you know, or I go to their house and it's dirty or, like, you know, just. There's always, like, a deal breaker, and I totally shut down, you know.

[B]

Hey, y', all, we have to take off. We gotta roll. Cause Raven Simone just came in. Okay, so does that mean you're gonna start taking his phone calls again? Here, Charlie.

[E]

I will.

[B]

Very good.

[E]

Okay, thank you, guys.

[B]

All right, Chad, glad you made the call now.

[D]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

It was worth the awkward radio moment.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

All right, man.

[D]

Thanks, everybody.

[B]

Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. That may be the first time we've ever done it where it's worked out to. Where both parties are like, yeah, let's go out again in three years, actually.

[C]

Turned into a second date.

[B]

It turned into a second date. You still don't feel comfortable with it, though. You think she's too high maintenance.

[F]

Beware, Chad. That's all I gotta say, really. He's wanting total honesty now, like, as long as we have it on the table. And I just. People don't change.

[B]

Yeah, we don't want honesty.

[F]

People don't change. Charlie's gonna be the same way she was over that weekend. She's change just because he, you know.

[B]

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[G]

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