Vault: She Put a Fake Employee on Payroll and Kept the Money

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She Put a Fake Employee on Payroll and Kept the Money

Date: April 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

This gripping episode of The Bert Show centers on a listener, Brandy, who confesses to a serious act of workplace fraud. She describes putting a fake employee on her company’s payroll—and then siphoning off that person’s salary into her own account for nearly two years. The episode captures the cast’s shock, the ethical and legal implications, and advice from experts and listeners as Brandy faces imminent exposure.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brandy’s Confession: The Fraud Explained

• [01:27] Brandy, a Human Resources staffer, outlines her crime:
  • She arranged for paychecks intended for a would-be hire (who ultimately didn’t join) to be deposited into her own bank account.
  • This went on for almost two years, amounting to tens of thousands of dollars.
    • Quote:

      "For the past two years, I've actually been having his payroll check direct deposited in my account." – Brandy (01:56)

• She’s now terrified as layoffs loom and fears her scheme will be uncovered during department reviews.

2. The Cast’s Reactions and Legal/Ethical Ramifications

• Surprise and Disbelief
  • The cast are stunned by the scale and audacity of Brandy’s actions.
    • Quote:

      "So you've got two years worth of another man's salary in your bank account?" – Host (02:50)

• The Ripple Effect (Tax, Credit, and Identity Concerns)
  • The co-hosts emphasize that the real employee’s Social Security number is implicated, risking IRS complications and audits:
    • Quote:

      "There's all this income reported under his Social Security number that he doesn't...claim." – Co-host 1 (03:56)
      "This is like, multiple crimes. It's fraud, it's also identity theft." – Co-host 2 (06:20)

• Motivation and Regret
  • Brandy insists she’s a “good person,” framed by desperation, not greed.
    • Quote:

      "I'm a good person other than this. I just needed the money." – Brandy (06:34)

3. Expert Opinions: Legal, HR, and Loss Prevention Callers Weigh In

IRS & Fraud Consequences

• [04:03] Susan, whose acquaintance did the same thing, shares a chilling precedent:
  • Quote:

    "There’s one thing you can't get away with and that's the IRS…She got arrested." – Susan (Caller, 04:10, 04:39)

• The IRS will eventually catch up, likely triggering a police report and arrest.

Loss Prevention & Corporate Response

• [05:34] Loss Prevention Manager:
  • Insists Brandy must come clean immediately; further concealment worsens legal exposure.
  • Quote:

    "The hammer's gonna come down hard on her…the more honest and upfront you are...the less of a problem it's gonna be...she's looking at some serious, serious jail time." – Loss Prevention Manager (05:45)

Accountant/CPA’s Perspective

• [11:08] Laura, a CPA, strongly advises legal counsel:
  • Quote:

    "Please, sweetheart, go get a lawyer and just come clean. The sooner you do, the better it's going to be for you down the road. But, yes, you are going to pay serious consequences." – Laura (11:08)

Legal Definitions and Thresholds

• [11:46]
  • Co-hosts confirm: theft above $10,000 is typically a felony.

4. Listeners' Advice and Moral Debate

Some Suggest “Playing Dumb”

• [08:01] Caller Heidi suggests pretending ignorance if questioned, but this is rejected as unwise by most.

Empathy Versus Accountability

• Co-hosts debate whether to empathize with Brandy or focus solely on the crime’s gravity.
• Co-host 2 is particularly blunt:
  • Quote:

    "I'm stunned we’re giving you advice because you're a criminal." (08:28)

Crime's Collateral Damage

• Discussion about how others—innocent coworkers and the intended hire—will suffer fallout, including credit and tax problems.
  • Quote:

    "She's screwing this guy. And the only reason that her voice is shaky today is because she's getting caught." – Co-host 2 (09:44)

Real-World Consequences Shared by Listeners

• [10:01] Danielle describes going to jail for knowing about a similar scheme, highlighting risks even for bystanders.
  • Quote:

    "I went to jail for just being aware of somebody else stealing...it was under my number, so I got caught." – Danielle (10:28)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "For the past two years, I’ve actually been having his payroll check direct deposited in my account."
  — Brandy (01:56)

• "She needs to turn herself in. Because I'll tell you what, the hammer's gonna come down hard on her."
  — Loss Prevention Manager (05:44)

• "Please, sweetheart, go get a lawyer and just come clean. The sooner you do, the better it's going to be for you down the road."
  — Laura, CPA (11:08)

• "You need to get an attorney and you need to fess it up."
  — Co-host 1 (12:42)

• "I'm a good person other than this. I just needed the money."
  — Brandy (06:34)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:27 – Brandy's confession and the mechanics of her fraud
• 02:50 - 03:55 – Co-hosts probe details, discuss risks to “phantom” employee
• 04:03 - 04:42 – Expert caller (Susan) explains legal and IRS consequences
• 05:34 - 05:47 – Loss Prevention Manager urges Brandy to turn herself in
• 08:01 – Caller suggests Brandy evade discovery, met with derision
• 10:01 - 10:42 – Former convict shares how even associates get prosecuted
• 11:08 - 11:34 – CPA calls in to urge legal counsel and honesty
• 12:42 – Hosts reinforce urgent need for legal advice

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Conclusion

Brandy’s story is a dramatic, real-world example of how small acts of workplace dishonesty can spiral into federal crimes, deeply affecting not only oneself but innocent coworkers and strangers. The Bert Show cast and their guests give a frank, sometimes stern but compassionate look at both the legal realities and the personal toll of such choices. The episode ends with universal consensus: seek legal counsel, confess immediately, and prepare for serious consequences, both legal and personal.

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Transcript

[Bretzky]

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[Host (The Birch Show)]

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[Host (The Birch Show)]

The Birch Show. We have a Birch show listener who needs some advice. She is. She's coming on with us, I think, because she heard we. What were we talking about? Where we had Human resources on with us recently.

[Co-host 1]

We were talking about stinky people.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah, stinky people. Well, now. Now we are the human resource experts.

[Co-host 1]

Okay?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

And Brandy's got a problem at the office. So, Brandy, we'll do our best to help you out. You are on the voice disguiser. Hi, how are you?

[Brandy (Caller)]

Hey. I did something a couple years ago, and I'm really scared. I'm about to get in major trouble for it.

[Co-host 2]

Okay. What'd you do?

[Brandy (Caller)]

Well, I don't want to give too many details because I'm really scared and I get in trouble, but I work for a company in human resources, and a couple years ago, this guy was interviewed and he was about to be hired, and he filled out all the paperwork and he was set to come on board. And he decided at the last minute he wasn't going to take the job. But all the paperwork was submitted, and, you know, the position that he had really didn't have that much work. And so the rest of us or the other people in that department just kind of absorbed his work. And I processed the paperwork already, and lo and behold, like 14 days later, his first paycheck came into human resources department and landed on my desk. And then two weeks later, another paycheck came. And, well, basically, I had a way of arranging. I know this is wrong, but I really needed the money. And the paychecks were just building up for his. For the past Two years. I've actually been having his payroll check direct deposited in my account.

[Co-host 1]

No way. For two years?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So you've got two years worth of another man's salary in your bank account?

[Brandy (Caller)]

Yeah, well, not anymore. She's been spending it because of the economy and the company's budget. The VP is meeting with all the heads of different departments and I have been called into a meeting with him tomorrow and they're going to eliminate certain positions that aren't needed for the company. And I'm just terrified that they're going to find out what I've done so.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Because they're going to go down everybody in the company and go, okay, Melissa Carter. What does she do? Is she valuable? What's she making? All right, we got to keep her. Jen Hobby. No, you know what? Melissa can do her job.

[Co-host 2]

But you realize you were going to get busted for this eventually, right?

[Brandy (Caller)]

Well, I really needed the money and I just didn't see how anyone would really find out. No one. Before the economy took this turn, no one was really paying that much close attention to, you know, exactly what every employee.

[Co-host 1]

What about with taxes and stuff though?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Well, the guy, he's in trouble now. He's gonna be screwed. He'll get in trouble and then.

[Co-host 1]

That's right, because there's all this income reported under his Social Security number that he doesn't.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Doesn't claim.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

That's what talked to Susan. Not on the voice disguiser. Hi, Susan.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Hi. How are you?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Good.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

I had a girlfriend whose sister in law did the same exact thing. And what will happen is he will have to file a police report and she will, will not, will not be able to not get away with this because there's one thing you can't get away with and that's the irs.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So how long does it take for the IRS to catch up with?

[Caller/Guest Experts]

It took. It was a two year ordeal. Meaning it had happened two years prior to anyone getting arrested.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

She got arrested?

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Yes, absolutely.

[Co-host 2]

Wasn't this fraud?

[Advertiser/Announcer]

Fraud?

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Yes. And. Well, first of all, it's stealing. Okay?

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

There is no excuse for stealing, no matter what. And so she's going to definitely have to pay the piper. And if I were her, I'd come clean. It's going to be a lot easier than sitting around waiting for the sheriff to come knock on her door because that's what will happen. He will file a police report and then. Because the IRS is going to question him.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

How long will it take for him to get flagged?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Oops, sorry. I accidentally just hung up on Her, I think she had two years, though.

[Co-host 1]

Since the two years till he finds out, and then maybe another year.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

But our caller has to deal with this tomorrow because they're going to go employee. So they're going to get to that guy and go, hey, Joe Smith.

[Co-host 2]

It's criminal. I mean, I don't see what the debate is.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Thea or Thea?

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Thea.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Okay, okay.

[Loss Prevention Manager]

You know what? I work for a major retailer, and I'm a loss prevention manager. And my job specifically is to go after people who are stealing from the company.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Right.

[Loss Prevention Manager]

She needs to turn herself in.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

She needs to come clean.

[Loss Prevention Manager]

Because I'll tell you what, the hammer's gonna come down hard on her. And the more honest and upfront you are from the beginning, the less of a problem it's gonna be for her. She needs to know she's looking at some serious, serious jail time. She's going to have to pay restitution. She's going to have to pay all this money back. She's going to have to pay the taxes on it. But what she doesn't understand is what she has now done is not only stolen from the company, but she's stolen from every single person that works there. And she has cost other people the opportunity to have a job, a good paying job.

[Co-host 2]

It's like multiple crimes. It's like fraud. It's also identity theft. You know, I mean, it's serious.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Hey, Brandi, is it processed to you that you could actually go to jail for this? Because to be honest with you, I didn't even think that.

[Brandy (Caller)]

I see it, like, bordering on fraud, but, like, I don't really. I'm a good person other than this. I just needed the money. I don't know if I would go to jail. I'm scared, though.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, yeah, you could.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

I don't think it's bordering on fraud as much as it is just fraud.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, well, you were the one that set up the direct deposit for this check to go into your account, right? Because you're in the HR department.

[Brandy (Caller)]

Well, someone else helped me, but I don't want to say two more, but I guess, yeah, I could say I arranged it.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Did the. Was the other person aware that you were committing a crime to do this, or did you deceive the other person?

[Brandy (Caller)]

I don't want to say too much.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

All right.

[Brandy (Caller)]

Someone else? Yeah, they are.

[Co-host 2]

You been doing this, though, for two years? Yeah.

[Bretzky]

How much?

[Co-host 2]

You're just upset you're about to get caught. How much money are we talking about? Because that'll consider that that's what the jail time is.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

And do you still have it or is it spent?

[Brandy (Caller)]

I have some of it. I mean, it's a lot of money. We're talking about a year's salary. The guy made around 650 a week.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So. So total 30,000. What's that a year?

[Co-host 2]

You said this only going on one year or two years?

[Brandy (Caller)]

Almost two years.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So more than 30, 50 or 60,000.

[Brandy (Caller)]

Let's see. So never really add it all up and half. Like most of it is spent, but yeah, I mean, it's thousands.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Hey, Heidi.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Hey.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

What's going on?

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Oh, nothing. Listen, when they ask you what Joe does, what his description is, what does he do for the company, just look, just say, look, he quit. There's no more. So you can avoid that. Now, of course, you're gonna have to deal with it down the line eventually, but for now, to save you for now, I would just say, love, Joe quit. I don't know what happened to him. He just don't work here anymore.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

There you go. Melissa is actually speechless.

[Co-host 2]

I'm speechless that we're giving her advice because she's ruining this guy's credit. This, you know, IRS is going to go after this guy for two years of back taxes. Oh, and he's gonna go after her and she's. He doesn't. I mean, he has no clue right now. So I'm stunned that we're giving you advice. Yeah, but I'm stunned we're giving you advice because you're a criminal.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

But whenever you file, when you, when you file taxes and you fill out the form, and even if you have the W2 sent to your house, what that means is that the government knows you made, let's say you make $50,000 a year on your job. You get a copy of that and then you give that to your H and R block dude who fills out all the forms and submits it. Well, the government also gets a copy of that. So when it comes in, it says, okay, well, according to the form the business sent, he made a total of $60,000 between his full time and his part time job. And then he looks at the tax form to make sure it's the same. What's going to happen with this dude is it's going to show him making 30 grand a year. The government thinks he's making 30 grand a year more. And because his tax dude doesn't have any idea, he doesn't even write that down. And that means he's gonna get audited

[Co-host 1]

and he's gonna have to claim his innocence because at first they might think that he's the one trying to hide it.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

He's gonna have to go. What are you talking about?

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's screwing this guy. And the only reason that her voice is shaky today is because she's getting caught. She has no. She doesn't care about this dude. She doesn't care that she's been stealing money.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Here we go.

[Co-host 2]

She doesn't care about any of that.

[Co-host 1]

You're getting caught.

[Co-host 2]

You're a criminal.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Here's Danielle with some real talk. Hey, Danielle.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Hi. She's gonna get caught regardless. Because I work for a major retailer and I knew about somebody stealing and I got caught with it, so I got put on stuff. I take it. I've been on probation for two years and went to jail for a smaller, only $800 fee. She's gonna get caught.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

And you weren't even the one who physically took the money.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

No, I knew about it, and it was under my numbers because I was training her.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, so you went to jail for just being aware of somebody else stealing from the company?

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Yeah, and it was in my number, so I got caught. She got caught with federal offense. Only got misdemeanors.

[Co-host 2]

I don't know why.

[Brandy (Caller)]

I don't know why.

[Co-host 2]

You don't think that this is a serious offense? I don't. I mean, this is it.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

No, it is serious. She is. And she's doing a federal offense. They know about it, and they're going to get her for two years of this. She's gone. She's dead. She's got to disappear. And that's what's going to happen.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Well, I don't think. I mean, disappearing seems a little communist about the whole thing.

[Co-host 2]

No. Yeah, pretty much.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

They just make her disappear. It's felonies. Here's Laura with the best advice of the morning. Hey, Laura.

[Caller/Guest Experts]

Hey. I'm a cpa, and I really think this girl just needs to go hire an attorney. This is a big deal. The way that she's talking about how I needed the money like we studied in school. She's rationalizing what she did. There is no excuse. Please, sweetheart, go get a lawyer and just come clean. The sooner you do, the better it's going to be for you down the road. But, yes, you are going to pay serious consequences.

[Brandy (Caller)]

How?

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, yeah. This is a. It's felony money and brandy just criminal act that she's doing.

[Brandy (Caller)]

Really?

[Co-host 1]

Because of the amount. What is the amount that makes it a felony or makes it a misdemeanor to you?

[Co-host 2]

It's over 10,000.

[Co-host 1]

Wow.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

And Brandi, it's. If you're just so you know, if you think you can sit in the meeting with the boss and say anything, like, we can hear your voice quivering right now and we can hear you on the edge. If you're trying to. If you're gonna thinking about trying to fake it today, you either gotta way improve your acting skills or I would just not do it because you're not gonna be able to pull it off if you're sitting across from the boss going folder by folder with each employee. You're gonna wet your pants when you get to the fake dude.

[Brandy (Caller)]

So I'm really scared. I am really scared.

[Co-host 2]

Why weren't you scared two years ago

[Host (The Birch Show)]

when you said that's when she needed the money?

[Co-host 2]

Oh, okay.

[Loss Prevention Manager]

Right.

[Brandy (Caller)]

I just. I guess I got in over my head. I didn't really realize how serious it was at the time. And now it's just. I'm just. It like snowballed and I was just gonna do it for a couple of weeks and then it just kept going and I didn't have it. I don't know. I'm just in over my head and I'm really scared.

[Co-host 1]

I think that last call was right. You need to get an attorney and you need to fess it up.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Good luck to you. Okay. The Birch Show.

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