Vault: She's Afraid To Drive And Needs Help

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: She's Afraid To Drive And Needs Help

Date: January 27, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode centers around listener Shay’s severe fear of driving, the toll it takes on her and her family, and the journey toward overcoming it with specialist support. The cast compassionately explores Shay's background, the origins of her anxiety, and brings in an expert—Beth, a driver rehabilitation specialist—to offer actionable help and hope.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. Recap of Shay's Original Call and the Depth of Her Fear

[00:00–01:27]

• Hosts recall Shay’s call from a couple of days earlier, sharing her story about a paralyzing fear of driving stemming from high school trauma after friends died in accidents.
• Shay’s husband drives her daily from Dunwoody to Woodstock, sacrificing his own rest after overnight shifts.
• The cast is deeply touched by his devotion, and Shay’s guilt and gratitude.

2. Shay Details Her Struggles and Family Dynamics

[01:27–06:38]

• Shay recounts how her “paralyzing” anxiety affects her every aspect behind the wheel, especially on highways or when merging lanes.
• She has a learner’s permit but shuts down under pressure, sometimes pulling over and crying.
• Historical context: Grew up with a strict mother who discouraged independence (“I wasn’t allowed to boil water at 18”) and developed “tester’s phobia.”
• Despite her fear, Shay demonstrates work ethic, walking long distances to jobs rather than risking driving.
• Emotional toll and embarrassment: “It’s really embarrassing because… you have transportation and I have a car. I do. But… it’s just the fact that… and my husband, he said he’s so great… He’s been driving me to work…” [04:59, Shay]
• Pressure and concern about being “unfair” to her husband, who risks sleep deprivation.

3. The Cast Expresses Empathy and Seeks Solutions

[06:38–07:39]

• The hosts empathize, noting how Shay’s upbringing has left her with a sense of inadequacy.
• They highlight the importance of confronting the problem—not just for Shay and her husband, but also to avoid passing the anxiety to her future children.

“I do think that it is something that you eventually do have to conquer, because not only for him, but you don’t want to pass this on to your children.”
— Host D [06:38]

4. Everyday Impacts of Shay’s Anxiety

[07:39–08:05]

• Shay gives a relatable anecdote about being unable to make a simple grocery run for chips because of her fear—highlighting the daily limitations.
• She reveals acute anxiety even during the call, pacing and out of breath.

5. Introducing Beth, Driver Rehabilitation Specialist

[08:05–10:50]

• Beth joins as a driver rehabilitation specialist, explaining her role in helping people with physical, cognitive, or emotional driving difficulties.
• She underscores the role of parental influence in fostering insecurity and the unique challenges of psychological barriers.
• Beth’s program includes desensitization and the reassurance of dual control vehicles, setting them apart from a family member teaching.

“Sometimes it’s a difference working with somebody different who’s got no emotional investment... The manner in which you work is different and the ways in which that person can deal with you and get you through the different situations... can make a difference.”
— Beth [10:12]

6. Shay Reflects on Her Independence

[10:50–11:26]

• Shay acknowledges that her decision-making is affected in more areas than just driving, always wanting someone else’s help.
• Hosts and Beth validate these feelings and stress that gaining driving independence is about more than just cars: it’s about adulthood and self-reliance.

7. Arranging Help and Discussing Rehabilitation

[11:26–14:44]

• Beth agrees to work with Shay, describing her process as highly personalized—no fixed timeline, each journey is unique.
• Shay expresses deep gratitude, noting cost barriers in seeking help previously.
• The show offers to cover the cost of this specialist assistance.

“But, you know, again, it’s... an individual process for everybody.”
— Beth [13:28]

8. Lighthearted Moments & Emotional Conclusions

[14:44–15:52]

• The hosts joke warmly about “the pull of the cheddar cheese ruffles”—adding levity.
• Shay promises to check in about her first session, and the group voices their belief in her progress.
• Shay thanks “Melissa” and says, “I love you, Melissa,” closing with gratitude all around.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Shay [01:08]:
  “Like, you just don’t understand, like how, how hard it is and how, you know, you feel like you’re selfish and you. And you try and it doesn’t. No matter how much you try, it doesn’t seem to work.”

• Shay [03:39]:
  “I have tester’s phobia also, where I buckle. I kind of buckle under pressure… I wasn’t allowed to boil water when I was 18 years old.”

• Host D [07:39]:
  “You can tell in your voice that you’re at, like, out of breath and you’re anxious right now even just talking about it.”

• Beth [09:49]:
  “In our vehicles, part of the plus is that there’s, you know, controls on the other side. So, you know, unlike her husband, I can take over if I need to.”

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Important Timestamps

• [00:05] – Recap of Shay’s original call and her story
• [01:37] – Shay describes her symptoms and attempts to overcome her fear
• [03:39] – Shay explains the trauma and upbringing that fuel her anxiety
• [07:01] – Discussion about the impact on her independence and daily life
• [08:08] – Introduction to Beth, the driver rehabilitation specialist
• [09:28] – Explanation of desensitization therapy and working with specialists
• [13:23] – How long rehabilitation usually takes
• [14:44] – Hosts confirm they will provide financial support for Shay’s specialist sessions
• [15:31–15:40] – Shay expresses her gratitude and love for the cast

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Tone & Style

The episode maintains The Bert Show’s signature mix of heartfelt empathy, candid conversation, and gentle humor. Listeners hear both the struggle of living with a paralyzing phobia and the realistic, hopeful path forward, making the content encouraging for anyone facing similar anxieties.

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Summary

This episode is a powerful, relatable look at how deep-seated fears and family dynamics can shape adult life, particularly around something as universal as driving. With empathy, community support, and concrete help from an expert, Shay finds a new opportunity for independence—reflecting both the show's authenticity and its role as a forum for real-life solutions and encouragement.

Transcript

[A]

The Burch show.

[B]

Do you guys remember this call from a couple of days ago? This was like, I think on Valentine's Day.

[C]

My husband is the most awesome man in the world. I have a fear of driving since I was in high school. My friends died in accidents, so I never got my driver's license. And my husband drives me all the way from Dunwoody to Woodstock every morning, which is only a 20 minute drive while I'm in the car. But it's like an hour and a half for him on the way back. And he works overnight and he doesn't get a lot of sleep. He's the sweetest guy in the world and I just want him to know that I love him and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[B]

So your fear here is. I mean, your fear is paralyzing you so much that you can't go and get your driver's license or drive around in a car.

[C]

I can't. It just, it paralyzes me and I can't do it. And he works overnight and doesn't get any sleep because he drives me back and forth.

[B]

So that was a couple of days on the show and we were like all. I mean, we were kind of touched by that story, you know, like, because he's getting up so early and he's sacrificing every single day to help Shay out. Hey, Shay.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

How are you?

[C]

I'm good. How are you guys?

[D]

Are you crying again? Just thinking about how awesome your husband is.

[C]

I'm not crying, but like, I cried a few times since then. Like, you just don't understand, like how, how hard it is and how, you know, you feel like you're selfish and you. And you try and it doesn't. No matter how much you try, it doesn't seem to work. And it just, I don't know, it's.

[E]

It's.

[C]

It's pretty hard and I know it's harder for him.

[B]

Well, explain. Explain to me like exactly what happens to you at the thought of having to get behind the wheel.

[C]

Well, see, and it's actually changed a little bit. Like before I would just. If somebody even cut me off or just things that happen in everyday, you know, life when you're driving that usually don't affect other people. I'll pull on the side of the road, don't even. I don't even pay attention and I'll just like start crying. See, I have my learners. I. I just don't have my driver's license. So he can ride with me. And it got better where I don't. I've stopped crying and I've stopped doing that. But I freak out if I have to turn around to merge into another lane when I'm on the expressway. I can't. And it's not like a normal. Like, freaking out. It's really bad. Where he's afraid that what if. You know, what if I got into a car accident? And the funny thing is, he says I drive really well. And I'm not sure if it's just that I had a lot of friends die. I was also raised by a strict parent who didn't want me to learn how to drive. And I left home before being able to get my license. And so basically, I mean, it's so bad that I used to. I used to live off of Exit 7 in Roswell, and I would walk to work to exit 9. I would walk from exit 7 to exit 9 to get to work every single day.

[A]

How many miles is that?

[C]

Excuse me?

[A]

How many miles is that?

[C]

To be honest, I'm not sure. It would take me about an hour and 15 minutes. Like, so I would get up really early because I have to be at work around 8. And, like, I'm really, like. I'm a really hard worker. And I never. I've never. Before we got married, I'd never let it affect, you know, I didn't want to affect my work. And I would just walk and it kind of got scary. And because I just didn't have the money to be able to, like, to even take the bus at that point. It was really bad.

[B]

And there was. There was one specific accident also that happened to you that's sort of like. I mean, it's been kind of the catalyst for all these fears and phobias.

[C]

Yeah. Well, my friends. When I was in high school, I had a lot of friends that just died in car accidents for different reasons. Like, I had one friend that was just hit by a car and he was on a bike. I had another friend that was hit by a drunken driver. Actually, two friends that were. And it was just really. I mean, it just really. It really scares me. And also, my mother was very, very strict, and she. I have tester's phobia also, where I buckle. I kind of buckle under pressure because you'll think I'm joking about this. I wasn't allowed to boil water when I was 18 years old.

[B]

Why not?

[C]

Because my mother was just really strict and she just didn't think I was. She. She kind of. I don't know, she second guessed everything I did.

[D]

So she made you feel like you couldn' anything?

[C]

Yes. And so now even though my husband's just like, he's like say you can drive. When I get into the I leave, I tried to take the driver's test like four or five times. I'll forget minor things like the left, like which, which is the left light and which is the right like how to do the blinkers, how to do like I, I just, I just buckle.

[D]

How old are you now?

[C]

I'm 21.

[B]

And the pressure is just, I mean it just seems so enormous to you that obviously it's debilitating.

[E]

It really is.

[C]

Like it's embarrassing. It's, it's really embarrassing because you know, you know, you, you, you interview for a job and you know, one of the questions is, you know, do you have, you have transportation and I have a car. I do. But it's just the fact that you know, and my husband, he said he's so great, he's like, you know, I got this job and, and they wanted me to go to Woodstock and I told him, I actually told him I didn't get it and he found out I got, and he told me to call back and say yeah, yes, I accept the, you know, I accept the job. And I, he, he's been driving me to work for the. And he's, he's always done this and it's not fair to him. He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve to almost have to fall asleep on the road when he's driving home from work.

[B]

Alright, so his trek every single day starts where.

[C]

Well he goes, he, he, he's an overnight manager and he goes, he gets home around 7 to 7:30 morning. We leave at 7:30 we leave Shanley Dunwoody and we drive to Woodstock. I generally get to Woodstock around 8:07am he usually like sometimes I'll call him around 8:48 45. He's still maybe 10 or 15 minutes away from home depending upon traffic and that's even taking like back ways taking Roswell Road or taking. It's just, and it's sad because, and then it's not only in the morning, but he only gets about five or six hours of sleep because he has to leave by 3:15 or 3:30 at the latest every day to be able to pick me up from work at 5 when I go to Woodstock.

[D]

Yeah, I mean it seems that your mother, you know, or your parents or the way you grew up made you feel like I said that you can't do anything. So you. When you try and you look like you're about to fail and you think everybody's gonna yell at you, maybe like your mom did. I do think that it is something that you eventually do have to conquer, because not only for him, but you don't want to pass this on to your children. Because I will.

[E]

You know, I really don't.

[C]

It's. You know, it's. It's. It's really. It's really sad to have to say. I told. And I. Telling everybody at work is like, you know, last week, I really just wanted some cheddar ruffles. Like, I really wanted those so badly. But my husband, you know, I knew he was tired, he didn't want to go. Take me. It's. It's one of those things where you just. You can't even do the smaller thing, like, go across the street to the grocery store and, you know, you take things for granted, but it's like, you know, have the independence I don't have. It's. It's. You know, it's just. It's. It's sad.

[D]

And I was gonna say, you can tell in your voice that you're at, like, out of breath and you're anxious right now even just talking about it.

[C]

I'm pacing. I'm pacing.

[D]

Poor thing.

[B]

Well, we wanted. We. When we had you on a couple of days ago, we told you we wanted to try to get you some help because, I mean, the sacrifice that your husband's making and this is debilitating for you also. And Beth was listening at the same time, and she emailed us, and she's on the phone with you now. Hey, Beth.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Hey. What exactly is it that you do?

[E]

I'm what's called a driver rehabilitation specialist.

[B]

There's an actual driving rehabilitation specialist for just this kind of thing?

[E]

Well, we work with a whole range of, if you want to call it disabilities. We have people with physical disabilities, cognitive disabilities, learning disabilities, and also psychological. So, you know, in some cases, the biggest problem is the anxiety, not even necessarily some of the other issues. So, yeah, we work with folks with a lot of different kinds of problems related to driving.

[B]

When you were listening to Shea's story right now, did some of this sound familiar to you? Like, inevitably it comes back to some of the parents that have planted these seeds of insecurity on her?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, a lot of times.

[E]

Some of the young people that I work with that have learning disabilities, for example, have had a lot of failure in their lives. And so trying to face driving, it's one more thing. They're afraid to fail. And yet it represents such a big. Just like she was saying, such a big step in terms of your independence. But all their life, they've kind of learned that they don't do well at things. And, you know, then I have other people with a young man right now who's about Shay's age, who's a triple amputee, and so he's starting to learn to drive. I mean, you know, people that you would never expect to be able to drive. You know, we work with all kinds of folks.

[B]

So what's the therapy on this?

[E]

Well, a lot of times, you know, kind of like when you. When you think maybe traditionally of a phobia where you have to desensitize people, you know, it's putting the person in different situations. Obviously, in our vehicles, part of the plus is that there's, you know, controls on the other side. So, you know, unlike her husband, I can take over if I need to.

[C]

Which makes a difference. Yeah, because he. He used to be really scared with me, like, because I shut down, like, it said wasn't good. I would. I could be on the expressway and I'd get so afraid that I would just. It's almost like I'd stop. And that's, you know, it just. It doesn't make sense. And I. You know, I've tried, and it just. I don't know.

[E]

And, you know, sometimes it's a difference working with somebody different who's got no emotional investment in the situation. You know, your husband loves you very much and sounds like he works well with you, but sometimes when you've got someone who's, you know, completely detached from the situation, then it's, you know, the manner in which you work is different and the ways in which that person can deal with you and get you through the different situations that currently are freaking you out can make a difference in trying to get you ready to be able to be tested and so forth. Because, like you said, your actual skills aren't necessarily bad. You know, it's. It's getting past the anxiety.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Because, I mean, it's just. And it's like the smaller things now, because at first, I always. I've always said, you know, it's just because of all those car accidents. My aunt was in a really bad one. She survived, but I mean, like, a lot of things. And then my husband, I were talking more yesterday, and he said, well, you know, sometimes a lot of. He point out a lot of things in my life that go back to like, I don't really make my. Make decisions too well. Like, I always like other people to help me with those things and because I'm not used to being able to.

[B]

You know, Certainly understandable. Totally understand.

[D]

More than driving then. Yeah, it's everything.

[B]

Hey, Beth, do you think that it would be possible for us to get you together with Shay and see if you can help her out and if so, maybe we can work out something where you could sort of take her on as a patient.

[E]

Sure. Yeah. I think, you know, it's certainly worth a try to see and see if.

[C]

We can make progress. That would be. So like, I sent you mess. All of you messages on the bird show. And I sent. I left a message for Tracy because I. You don't understand how much this means that you even offered. By no means did I come on to get this. I just wanted you. I just want to know. Want you to know that I really appreciate this.

[A]

Well, we understand the pull of the cheddar cheese ruffles.

[B]

Yeah, that's really what did it for Jeff.

[A]

And when you. And when you need chips, you need chips. And if you can't get.

[C]

Sometimes you just want chips and you.

[D]

Just can't, you know, nothing between Jeff and food. Beth, I want to ask a question. You know, we talked about how Shea seems to have these kind of deep seated insecurities and with the patients you work with in your rehabilitation, whether it be physical or emotional or kind of these, you know, mental. For Shay, I take it when you go through the driving course that you kind of dive into those things with them.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, that. That's a big part of it because I'm not just a driving instructor. I'm also an occupational therapist. So I've got a lot of training working with people, you know, with a wide range. And I mean, many of the people over the years that. That I've worked with, you know, I'm the first person taking them back on the road after they've been catastrophically injured in a car accident. So, you know, they may have a. You know, I've been out with people that, you know, their passenger died in the accident. So I mean, you know, these are people where it's a big deal to get back on the road. Aside from anything else that's wrong, how.

[D]

Long does it usually take people to get rehabilitated?

[E]

It really varies.

[D]

Everyone's different.

[E]

You know, it's one of those things where you have to sort of take it at an individual pace. And, you know, the first time I work with her, I'll have a better idea, you know, what it's really going to take. But, you know, it's. Some. Some people are a bigger challenge than others. So, you know, but usually after the first couple times when you start seeing that you can do it, you know, that starts to open things up. But, you know, again, it's. It's an individual process for everybody.

[B]

Let's see if we can get you guys together. And, Shea, we'll get you together with bae Beth from Freedom and Mobility, and we'll see if she can. She can take you on, and if so, then we'll. We'll follow along with you guys and we'll get you some help that you wanted for a long time.

[C]

Thank you so very, very, very much. Thank. I mean, I think all of you so very, very much. And my. My husband really does, too. Like, he was. He said that when he heard. Heard you even say that, he's like. He was just like. Seriously. He was just. I mean, it just.

[E]

We just.

[C]

We haven't.

[E]

We.

[C]

We can't afford to. I mean, we make good money. We can't. We could. We looked into, like, even driver's school and things of that nature. That's gotten to be very expensive, and we can't afford that. And it was just. It's. It's been hard. And I just want to say thank you.

[B]

Well, we can take care of that for you. Let's see how this. This goes. We'll get you on over to Freedom and Mobility. Maybe you'll have to walk over there or whatever, and we'll get you guys together, and we'll see if we can make this work for you.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Is it cool to let us know what time and what part of town you'll be out driving around in?

[D]

I'm just saying she said that she can. If, you know, Shay starts panicking, Beth will be driving, so I'm sure. Okay.

[A]

Is that cool, though? Just like, Sandy springs, Saturday at 2?

[C]

Like, watch out. Yeah, I'll send you emails. I'm leaving shambly Dunwoody at this time.

[A]

That'd be cool. I mean, I'm sure you'll do fine.

[D]

But she's already just. She's gonna do a good job, Shay. You can do it.

[B]

You can do it.

[D]

You can do it.

[C]

Thank you so much, Melissa. And by the way, I love you, Melissa.

[D]

Oh, thank you.

[C]

So I just wanted you to know that.

[B]

Oh, thank you so much. Hey, Beth, thank you very much for your help. And we're gonna put a link on over to Freedom and Mobility, also from our website.

[E]

Okay, thanks.

[B]

All right. Thank you.

[A]

The Birch Show.