Vault: She's Been Lying To Her Boyfriend About Her Age

Summary

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The Bert Show — "Vault: She's Been Lying To Her Boyfriend About Her Age"

Date: December 9, 2025
Host: Bert, with Jeff, Mary Jane (caller), and other cast/guest contributors
Length: ~15 min (main content)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener's dilemma: she has been lying to her boyfriend about her age for their entire two-year relationship, and with a marriage proposal imminent, she's seeking advice on how (and if) to come clean. The Bert Show cast—Bert, Jeff, and various callers—provide both empathy and hard truths, dissecting the implications of the lie, the potential fallout, and the best path forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener's Scenario: How the Lie Began

• Mary Jane (alias, on voice disguiser) shares she started lying about her age due to a DMV error that listed her ten years younger; she had kept up the lie for years and, in her current relationship, claims to be 32 when she’s actually 42. Her boyfriend is 33 and unaware he’s almost a decade younger than her. ([03:14–04:27])
• She confides her boyfriend is preparing to propose, intensifying her anxiety about the secret being discovered—especially with official paperwork on the horizon. ([03:48–04:00])

The Lie's Ripple Effects

• The age lie is not a one-off: maintaining it has required consistent fabrication—including with her boyfriend’s family, who believe she is about the same age as his sister. ([05:40–05:51])
• Everyday situations (like reminiscing about TV from the '70s/'80s) force Mary Jane to invent explanations (e.g., reruns). ([04:52–05:20])
• Bert and crew acknowledge how one lie can spiral into many, requiring more and more stories to keep up the facade. (Jeff: “One lie requires… 12 different lies just to maintain that one lie.” [04:33])

Should She Tell Him? When and How?

• Callers and hosts overwhelmingly advise honesty:

  • TC (caller) [06:35]: “The best thing to do is to tell him now…You might be surprised, because if he really loves you, then I don’t think he may not bail on something like that.”
  • Bert: “If he sniffs out that the only reason why she’s coming clean is because he’s gonna propose, it will mean nothing.” [07:04]
  • Jeff: Emphasizes trust being the real issue: “If you truly are in love…age should not be the reason that you bail after this long.” [07:22]
  • Host/Caller exchange: They debate the double standard if the situation were reversed, with a female partner lied to about age. The consensus: the lie itself is the core problem, not the age.

• Long-Term Consequences:

  • Glenn (caller): “That trust issue is a huge one…let him know she’s been honest…in all other categories.” [08:38]
  • Discussion of potential impact on future family planning; risk with children at higher maternal ages acknowledged but not fixated on. (“Kids are an issue, maybe the doc will give her a clean bill of health…” [09:16])

Advice on How to Break the News

• Consensus is she must tell him before he proposes, so it’s clear she’s not only doing it to prevent being found out. ([07:04], [14:10])
• Some lighthearted suggestions:
  • Female Caller/Commentator: Jokingly suggests to just “start right now, admitting to her new age” and act like she never lied. (“Just start right now…acting like she never lied to him…let him look at it and go. He’ll be like, you’re 43, and have her go, yeah, what do you mean?” [11:46])
  • Jeff: Warns against making light of the reveal: “I think you should approach it as a serious thing…make sure that he understands that you understand the significance of this.” [13:17-13:21]
  • Mary Jane: Leans toward disclosing honestly and directly, using recent situations (like the TV show) to open the conversation. [13:53]

What If the Relationship Survives?

• Lori (caller): Shares being married to a man ten years younger, adding, “it’s very difficult sometimes, [but] it’s worth it.” [10:14–10:38]
  Her case was different: her husband always knew her real age.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mary Jane (on the lie’s origin):

  “I got it, you know, when I was 32, but it came back and said that I was 22. And now I’ve had this license, and every time I’ve applied for anything, I just, you know, I use the birthday that they give me on the license…” [03:14]

• Bert (on trust):

  “If he sniffs out that the only reason why she’s coming clean is because he’s gonna propose, it will mean nothing.” [07:04]

• Jeff (the danger of underplaying it):

  “I think you should approach it as a serious thing…make sure that he understands that you understand the significance of this.” [13:17–13:21]

• Mary Jane (conflicted, but ready to act):

  “I definitely need to tell him beforehand, because I’m sure he would be upset if he knew that was the only reason I was telling him.” [14:10]

• Bert (humor amidst discomfort):

  “Yeah, you’re from good stock. Let me check them gums, woman.” [09:30]

• Mary Jane (on maintaining the lie):

  “We were watching TV the other night…They were talking, and I was like, oh, I remember that show…I love that show. And my boyfriend…How would you know that? And I was like, oh, reruns. Nickelodeon.” [04:52–05:16]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:01–04:27] — Caller Mary Jane details the origins and persistence of her age lie.
• [05:40–06:30] — The fallout of the lie extending to the boyfriend’s family; anxiety about the proposal.
• [06:35–07:22] — Callers and hosts weigh in: it’s time to be honest, and the focus needs to be on trust.
• [08:38–09:33] — Marriage, children, and the roots of trust in long-term relationships.
• [10:14–10:38] — Lori, married to a younger man, describes challenges and benefits of age-gap relationships—when honest from the start.
• [11:46–12:33] — Lighter suggestions (and tactical dodging) mix with real talk about best disclosure strategies.
• [13:17–13:26] — Jeff cautions against using humor to deflect; emphasizes the importance of taking the conversation seriously.
• [14:10–14:31] — Mary Jane agrees to tell her boyfriend before the proposal and to update the show on the outcome.

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Overall Takeaways

• Honesty is the only real option: Both the cast and callers stress that, regardless of how small or justified the original lie, the longer it’s maintained, the higher the stakes—and the more damaging to trust.
• Timing and tone matter: It should come from Mary Jane before the proposal and in a context that shows her regret for the deception—not just fear of being found out.
• Empathy for difficult truths: The show balances humor and genuine concern, reminding listeners it’s possible to be understanding and supportive, even in uncomfortable conversations.

Final words of encouragement:

“Good luck…I really appreciate it.” — Mary Jane [14:33–14:36]
“Good luck…She’s got to take it seriously.” — Bert [14:36, 14:59]

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For listeners who missed the show:
This was a candid, relatable exploration of love, trust, and what happens when a small lie turns into a life-changing secret. The advice: honesty—with empathy and seriousness for the feelings involved—is always the best policy, even when it’s hardest to do.

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Transcript

[Burt]

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[Burt]

You guys ever been in a situation like this where you're dating and you kind of tell a little lie?

[Ad Announcer]

Yes.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Burt]

And you're not exactly sure when you're supposed to. Like when the relationship is getting serious enough to where you come clean?

[Mint Mobile Announcer / Paige Desorbo]

Yes.

[Burt]

And you keep putting it off. And you keep putting it off.

[Jeff]

I've never done the lying. No, I've been lied to.

[Burt]

Well, this lie has gotten to a point where it's way more serious. And she's coming to you Birchill listeners asking for a little advice. We are gonna call her Mary Jane. Mary Jane.

[Jeff]

Mary Jane.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Mary Jane.

[Jeff]

Oh God. How appropriate.

[Mary Jane]

Hi Mary Jane.

[Jeff]

Mary Jane.

[Burt]

And she's on the voice disguiser this morning. Hi, Mary Jane.

[Mary Jane]

Hello.

[Ad Announcer]

Hi.

[Burt]

How are you this morning?

[Mary Jane]

I'm doing pretty good. Yeah, I'm doing all right. Little anxious, but I'm doing okay. Yeah. Oh, it's weird. I can kind of hear it. It sounds strange. There it is.

[Jeff]

There we go.

[Mary Jane]

Okay. Anyway, so I moved here, and I met a really great. And he's really great. I'm really in love with him. And I found out that he's going to be proposing to me pretty soon. And I'm a little worried about accepting because I've kind of led him along on a. Not a huge lie, but I think it could mean something to people. So, you know, he might be upset if he finds out the truth.

[Burt]

Okay. Now, you've been going out with this guy for how long?

[Mary Jane]

Um, basically I met him about six weeks after I got here, so almost two years We've been together two years.

[Burt]

Okay. And the lie that you've been telling him since day one.

[Mary Jane]

Okay. About it. It all started. Sounds really strange, but it started about 10 years ago. I applied for my driver's license, and when I got it back, it said that I was 10 years younger than what I really am. So I got it, you know, when I was 32, but it came back and said that I was 22. And now I've had this license, and every time I've applied for anything, I just, you know, I use the birthday that they give me on the license, and I've never had any problems. But I'm worried now because if the.

[Jeff]

DMV says you're 22.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Sure, take 22.

[Mary Jane]

Exactly. And I'm worried because, you know, when you get married, you have to fill out forms and, you know, that kind of thing. And I'm really nervous about it.

[Jeff]

That's the only reason you want to tell the truth, is because you got to fill out these new forms.

[Mary Jane]

I just don't want him to be like, you know, oh, why didn't you say anything? And then just like, she was just saying, oh, I'm from Miami. I mean, that's a little bit different.

[Burt]

So how old are you, really?

[Mary Jane]

Well, now I'm 42, but my license, it says that I'm 32 and he's 33.

[Burt]

Oh, okay.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

And you're 42?

[Mary Jane]

Yeah. And so he thinks I'm a year younger than him and not nine years older.

[Ad Announcer]

Gotcha.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Now, because that takes a lot of. You know, it's one of those things where one lie requires. I mean, 12 different lies just to Maintain that one lie. Like, I mean, you're talking about a different point of reference. You have to memorize a different year of birth. You have to. I mean, your parents have to go along with it. You're right. I mean, how have you been able to do this for two years?

[Mary Jane]

You know, let me tell you, it hasn't been easy. We were watching TV the other night. I won't say what it was. It was like one of those, like, I love the 70s or I love the 80s. And it was. They were talking, and I was like, oh, I remember that show. I love that show. And my boyfriend, hopefully fiance.

How would you know that? And I was like, oh, reruns. Nickelodeon.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Yeah, blame it all on Nick at night.

[Jeff]

Right?

[Mary Jane]

So, I mean, I catch myself. But it's. I don't know. I mean, it hasn't been that big a deal up until now. But I hadn't really realized how serious, you know, he might be really upset by that.

[Burt]

All right, now let me ask you this. Just because it's a piece of the puzzle. How do you know he's proposing?

[Mary Jane]

Well.

His sister and I are pretty close, actually, because we're, quote, unquote, close to the same age.

[Burt]

Oh, no. So the whole family. That's right. I hadn't even thought of that. The whole family is in on the lie, right?

[Mary Jane]

Exactly. And of course, they don't know, you know, but we had lunch this weekend, and she said, you know, oh, what are you guys planning on doing for Valentine's Day? And I was like, I don't know. We hadn't made that, you know, any plans for it. And she was like, oh, you should try to plan something really romantic. Because I could just tell something was going. And I was like, you know, why don't you tell me what's going on? And she said, well, I didn't want to be the one to say anything, but, you know, I know my brother's gonna propose to you in February. And instead of, like, you know, you'd think that would be, like, a really joyous occasion. I thought I was gonna pee my pants. Cause I'm like, oh, my gosh.

[Burt]

All right, so what we need to do here is we need to get some advice for Mary Jane on exactly what to do here.

[TC]

TC Good morning, everybody.

[Burt]

Coming strong, dude. What's up?

[TC]

Hey. How's it going.

For the lady on the phone? The best thing to do is to tell him. Now, don't lead on that, you know, about the engagement and all that, but let him know what happened with the license and how old you are, you know, just come clean on it. And you might be surprised because if he really loves you, then I don't think he may not bail on something like that. You know, he might appreciate, you know, you just coming clean on it.

[Burt]

I think you've got a really great point there. That if she, if he sniffs out that the only reason why she's coming clean is because he's gonna propose, it will mean nothing.

[TC]

If she comes clean, then, oh, you have a reason to come clean down rather than just out and out doing it.

[Burt]

Yeah, great point, man.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Burt]

All right, TC Always love you calling up, man. Thanks.

[Jeff]

And he also brings a good point. I mean, and this is. You think about yourself. I mean, if you truly are in love with someone, I mean, age should not be the reason that you bail after this long.

[Burt]

Well, but the lie, though, I mean, let's, let's, let's reverse this because if, if it was a woman that was deceived for two years, this relationship is over.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Yeah, you can't reverse it because there's the, the double standard.

[Burt]

What do you mean?

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Like, you can't reverse it because, you know, with this, like, you know, the situation is the girl, like, we're all looking like, oh, she's so crazy. She got that license and she never told anybody. Now she's in a pickle. What's she gonna do? Whereas the guy is gonna be like, he lied to me. What else did he lie about? He's probably bangin hotel we stayed at last weekend.

[Burt]

Jeff is right about. Is he wrong?

[Jeff]

Oh, well, then he's right. Well, if you can play the double standard card, then you should also know that. Is a woman going to be as freaked out about a guy's age as much as a guy will like the. I think the double standard will apply here. The fact that this woman is. If it was the other way around and he was really 42 in line.

[Burt]

And saying he was.

[Jeff]

I don't think that. I don't think. I think. I think. I don't think the age would be as much of a factor for the woman as the lying. Where here I think the age is going to play more of a factor in his head than the lying.

[Burt]

Good morning, Glenn. You're on all the hits Q100.

[TC]

Hey, I'm right with you, though. I think the trust is the big issue, you know, I mean, if he loves her, that's. He's got it with her and he's gonna have a wonderful time. I don't Think the age is that much of an issue. But the fact that.

You know, that trust is. I've been married for 23 years, and between guys and husband and wife, that trust issue is a huge one. So she may wanna, when she brings that up, you know, be in that kind of serious conversation and let him know that she's been honest with him in all other. In all other categories. And then, heck, I don't know if it's possible she goes see a doc and see if she's in good shape. If kids, Kids are an issue, maybe the doc will give her a clean bill of health and said, let her know that, hey, you're good until about age 45. Beyond that, the risks, you know, get worse.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

The pipes get dirty.

[Burt]

Yeah, you're from good stock. Let me check them gums, woman.

[Mary Jane]

That's what I was thinking.

[Ad Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Let me check your teeth, honey. Well, I think true, if kids are a big issue, I mean, the risks go up after 35, so. But I think she. I think the thing. I think it's a little. I think it's a little judgmental to think that she's lied about everything she want woman again. I mean, it's a running joke. Women lie about their age now. This is a pretty big lie for lasting so long, but I think that that's being a little too judgmental on her thinking that she's lying about other issues.

[Burt]

Yeah, I think maybe the thing we need to focus on here because everybody's gonna say, you gotta tell him now is how you tell him.

[Jeff]

Exactly.

[Burt]

Morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Mary Jane]

Hi, this is Lori.

[Burt]

Hi, Lori.

[TC]

I am actually married to a man.

[Mary Jane]

10 years younger than me.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Mary Jane]

And we dated for three years.

[TC]

And we knew about it.

[Mary Jane]

We've been married for about three years.

[TC]

And he's wonderful and we're both very understanding when we work, but it's tough because we'll be like you say, watching tv. And I remember that.

[Mary Jane]

And he's going, Yeah, I was 10.

[TC]

And it's very difficult sometimes, but it's. It's worth it.

[Mary Jane]

But.

[Jeff]

But I mean. But again, the difference is that he knew the whole time. Like our question for Mary. Mary Jane needs help and in how to disclose the information to her boyfriend.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Here's how is Mary Jane had.

[Burt]

Yeah, hold on.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

You've been together two years, right?

[Mary Jane]

Yeah, almost two years.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

And your license says you're 32. So he was with you when you turned 30 or.

[Mary Jane]

No.

No, when I first. I was, quote, unquote, 22 when we met. Do you see what I'm saying?

[Female Caller / Commentator]

And he was 23, so.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Ad Announcer]

Okay.

[Mary Jane]

Yeah, he's supposed.

[Burt]

Or.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

No, he would have been 23.

[Mary Jane]

Yeah. He's supposedly a year older than me.

[Burt]

What was your point?

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Well, I was just gonna say here's what I would do, because that's a momentous. I mean, that birthday celebration, it obviously would have been revealed because that's a big. You know, you get the cards with the 30 and all that stuff, and. And that's certainly gonna, you know, happen at the 40, too. So here's my thought, is I think she should just start right now, you know, admitting to her new age and acting like she never lied to him. Like, you know, like, when she goes.

[Burt]

And fills out, the guys will forget.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Let him look at it and go. He'll be like, you're 43, and have her go, yeah. What do you mean?

[Jeff]

That's a guy's tactic, too. See, because it'll be like, you know, the guy be like, what are you talking.

[Burt]

What are you talking about?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I never lied about my age.

[Burt]

Mary Jane, hold on. Okay, what I want to do is I want to take a couple of calls from guys wondering, like, exactly how she should approach it, because, I mean, she's going to have to tell the guy. So I think the advice we really need here is what does she say to soften the blow a little bit and.

[Jeff]

Exactly. And we're just going to hope that everything's going to work out fine. So we. I don't want the guys to call and say, man, this ain't going to work. This is never going to work. He's going to bail. You know, like Burt said it'd be more, okay. It's going to work out. But how should she tell him?

[Burt]

Mary Jane? Yeah, well, you got a tough conversation ahead of you.

[Mary Jane]

I like. I think I like the last one, though. Well, I mean, that seems like the least because he's my. Oh, I hope. Fiance. He's pretty easygoing. You know, he's got a really great sense of humor, so.

Well, yeah, this is funny.

I'm nervous.

[Burt]

This is a knee slapper.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Yeah, it's like Cosby almost.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Mary Jane, I think you need to combine the last two callers. I think that this is a serious issue. I mean, I think that this could. I mean, the age difference and, you know, the whole. The family aspect and the future and everything. I think you should approach it as a serious thing. I don't think you should approach it as a joke, but you should let it Be known. Look, in the beginning, it was all innocent. I mean, I just didn't think it would be a big deal, but I really feel bad about it. Like, make sure that he understands that you understand the significance of this.

[Burt]

Absolutely.

[Jeff]

You know, because you don't want to. You don't want to insult his feelings by acting like it's one big joke.

[Mary Jane]

No, no, no, no. Not at all. I could never do that. I mean, but I. I don't know. It's just not my personality to be that, like, over the top and make up something really crazy for him to, you know, and then kind of lessen the fall. So I think if I deliver it straight like that. Like. Like you're saying, like, oh, it wasn't that big a deal when we met, but. And maybe even bring in the whole, like. Remember the other night we were watching tv.

I just wanted to tell you.

[Ad Announcer]

Let me.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

Just let me flick this against the mirror and see how it pans out.

[Jeff]

Mary Jane, honestly, I mean, I really want to know what. I really want to know what happens. You have to let us know how the conversation goes.

[Burt]

Do you have any idea when you might have this talk with him?

[Mary Jane]

Well, I think. I think that the first call, that guy had it right. I definitely need to tell him beforehand because I'm sure he would be upset if he knew that was the only reason I was telling him.

[Burt]

Will you do us a favor and will you email producer Tracy and tell her right before you're about to have the conversation so we could tell everybody you're going to. And then we'll talk to you the next day?

[Mary Jane]

Okay.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Mary Jane]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Good luck. All right. Good luck.

[Mary Jane]

I really appreciate it.

[Burt]

Good luck.

[Mary Jane]

Thanks, Lynn.

[Burt]

See ya. Bye. Yeah, I don't know that that's gonna go well.

[Jeff]

No. Well, yeah, I think there needs to be a lot more levity. I think she needs to be a little more serious about it instead of. I don't. If she approaches it with giggly. And by the way.

[TC]

Right.

[Mary Jane]

I'm 42.

[Burt]

Isn't that hilarious? If y' all thought we were as cool as we really are, we'd never get into fights at all. We're as serious as y'.

[Jeff]

All.

[Burt]

Stuff like this. Yeah. She's got to take it seriously.

[Female Caller / Commentator]

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