The Bert Show — "Vault: She's Been Lying To Her Boyfriend About Her Age"

Date: December 9, 2025
Host: Bert, with Jeff, Mary Jane (caller), and other cast/guest contributors
Length: ~15 min (main content)

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener's dilemma: she has been lying to her boyfriend about her age for their entire two-year relationship, and with a marriage proposal imminent, she's seeking advice on how (and if) to come clean. The Bert Show cast—Bert, Jeff, and various callers—provide both empathy and hard truths, dissecting the implications of the lie, the potential fallout, and the best path forward.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener's Scenario: How the Lie Began

• Mary Jane (alias, on voice disguiser) shares she started lying about her age due to a DMV error that listed her ten years younger; she had kept up the lie for years and, in her current relationship, claims to be 32 when she’s actually 42. Her boyfriend is 33 and unaware he’s almost a decade younger than her. ([03:14–04:27])
• She confides her boyfriend is preparing to propose, intensifying her anxiety about the secret being discovered—especially with official paperwork on the horizon. ([03:48–04:00])

The Lie's Ripple Effects

• The age lie is not a one-off: maintaining it has required consistent fabrication—including with her boyfriend’s family, who believe she is about the same age as his sister. ([05:40–05:51])
• Everyday situations (like reminiscing about TV from the '70s/'80s) force Mary Jane to invent explanations (e.g., reruns). ([04:52–05:20])
• Bert and crew acknowledge how one lie can spiral into many, requiring more and more stories to keep up the facade. (Jeff: “One lie requires… 12 different lies just to maintain that one lie.” [04:33])

Should She Tell Him? When and How?

• Callers and hosts overwhelmingly advise honesty:

  • TC (caller) [06:35]: “The best thing to do is to tell him now…You might be surprised, because if he really loves you, then I don’t think he may not bail on something like that.”
  • Bert: “If he sniffs out that the only reason why she’s coming clean is because he’s gonna propose, it will mean nothing.” [07:04]
  • Jeff: Emphasizes trust being the real issue: “If you truly are in love…age should not be the reason that you bail after this long.” [07:22]
  • Host/Caller exchange: They debate the double standard if the situation were reversed, with a female partner lied to about age. The consensus: the lie itself is the core problem, not the age.

• Long-Term Consequences:

  • Glenn (caller): “That trust issue is a huge one…let him know she’s been honest…in all other categories.” [08:38]
  • Discussion of potential impact on future family planning; risk with children at higher maternal ages acknowledged but not fixated on. (“Kids are an issue, maybe the doc will give her a clean bill of health…” [09:16])

Advice on How to Break the News

• Consensus is she must tell him before he proposes, so it’s clear she’s not only doing it to prevent being found out. ([07:04], [14:10])
• Some lighthearted suggestions:
  • Female Caller/Commentator: Jokingly suggests to just “start right now, admitting to her new age” and act like she never lied. (“Just start right now…acting like she never lied to him…let him look at it and go. He’ll be like, you’re 43, and have her go, yeah, what do you mean?” [11:46])
  • Jeff: Warns against making light of the reveal: “I think you should approach it as a serious thing…make sure that he understands that you understand the significance of this.” [13:17-13:21]
  • Mary Jane: Leans toward disclosing honestly and directly, using recent situations (like the TV show) to open the conversation. [13:53]

What If the Relationship Survives?

• Lori (caller): Shares being married to a man ten years younger, adding, “it’s very difficult sometimes, [but] it’s worth it.” [10:14–10:38]
  Her case was different: her husband always knew her real age.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mary Jane (on the lie’s origin):

  “I got it, you know, when I was 32, but it came back and said that I was 22. And now I’ve had this license, and every time I’ve applied for anything, I just, you know, I use the birthday that they give me on the license…” [03:14]

• Bert (on trust):

  “If he sniffs out that the only reason why she’s coming clean is because he’s gonna propose, it will mean nothing.” [07:04]

• Jeff (the danger of underplaying it):

  “I think you should approach it as a serious thing…make sure that he understands that you understand the significance of this.” [13:17–13:21]

• Mary Jane (conflicted, but ready to act):

  “I definitely need to tell him beforehand, because I’m sure he would be upset if he knew that was the only reason I was telling him.” [14:10]

• Bert (humor amidst discomfort):

  “Yeah, you’re from good stock. Let me check them gums, woman.” [09:30]

• Mary Jane (on maintaining the lie):

  “We were watching TV the other night…They were talking, and I was like, oh, I remember that show…I love that show. And my boyfriend…How would you know that? And I was like, oh, reruns. Nickelodeon.” [04:52–05:16]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:01–04:27] — Caller Mary Jane details the origins and persistence of her age lie.
• [05:40–06:30] — The fallout of the lie extending to the boyfriend’s family; anxiety about the proposal.
• [06:35–07:22] — Callers and hosts weigh in: it’s time to be honest, and the focus needs to be on trust.
• [08:38–09:33] — Marriage, children, and the roots of trust in long-term relationships.
• [10:14–10:38] — Lori, married to a younger man, describes challenges and benefits of age-gap relationships—when honest from the start.
• [11:46–12:33] — Lighter suggestions (and tactical dodging) mix with real talk about best disclosure strategies.
• [13:17–13:26] — Jeff cautions against using humor to deflect; emphasizes the importance of taking the conversation seriously.
• [14:10–14:31] — Mary Jane agrees to tell her boyfriend before the proposal and to update the show on the outcome.

Overall Takeaways

• Honesty is the only real option: Both the cast and callers stress that, regardless of how small or justified the original lie, the longer it’s maintained, the higher the stakes—and the more damaging to trust.
• Timing and tone matter: It should come from Mary Jane before the proposal and in a context that shows her regret for the deception—not just fear of being found out.
• Empathy for difficult truths: The show balances humor and genuine concern, reminding listeners it’s possible to be understanding and supportive, even in uncomfortable conversations.

Final words of encouragement:

“Good luck…I really appreciate it.” — Mary Jane [14:33–14:36]
“Good luck…She’s got to take it seriously.” — Bert [14:36, 14:59]

For listeners who missed the show:
This was a candid, relatable exploration of love, trust, and what happens when a small lie turns into a life-changing secret. The advice: honesty—with empathy and seriousness for the feelings involved—is always the best policy, even when it’s hardest to do.