Vault: She's Worried About What Her Teen Is Doing

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: She's Worried About What Her Teen Is Doing

Date: November 17, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Guests & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and listeners
Episode Theme: How should parents respond when they discover their teen is sexually active? A mother seeks advice and perspective from the hosts and listeners about her daughter’s relationship choices.

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Overview

This episode centers around Lisa, a mother navigating her high school senior daughter's involvement in a sexual relationship. Lisa's refreshingly open stance—prioritizing honesty and safety over strict prohibition—sparks a lively and candid discussion among the show's cast and the call-in audience. The episode tackles issues of parental boundaries, trust, open communication about sexuality, and the emotional challenges of adolescent relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lisa’s Situation and Parenting Approach

(01:35–04:40)

• Lisa calls in to discuss learning her high school senior daughter is sexually active with her boyfriend.
• While she’d prefer her daughter not have sex at this age, Lisa accepts its likelihood and prioritizes safety and transparency.
  • “If you don't think your kids are doing things, you're crazy.” – Lisa (03:04)
• Lisa describes monitoring her children's online activity, having ongoing conversations since sex education in 5th grade, and discussing contraception.

2. Openness, Trust, and Parental Involvement

(04:40–06:58)

• Lisa has built an honest relationship with her children, discussing relationships and sexual health openly.
• She shares stories illustrating her daughter’s attempts to sneak out, but ultimately believes honesty is more effective than harsh restrictions.
  • “The tighter the strings are on the child, the more promiscuous they are.” – Lisa (07:57)

3. Callers Share Their Experiences

(07:01–10:22)

• Melissa (20-year-old caller): Her mother’s open approach led her to make responsible choices about sex, limited her partners, and fostered maturity.
  • “If you keep it very open, everything will be okay and she won't become a slut.” – Melissa (07:48)
• 24-year-old woman: Echoes that parental openness prevented her from "going wild" at college, contrasting with peers who had stricter parents.
  • “They lived really sheltered lives. I had some friends that went absolutely nuts in college…” – Caller (09:03)
• Host and callers emphasize the importance of guiding rather than policing, with the view that mistakes are best handled under parental roof.

4. Questioning Motivations & Relationship Dynamics

(05:59–06:57)

• A caller questions whether the daughter is using sex to try to keep her ex-boyfriend, suggesting a potential emotional dynamic.
• Lisa asserts her daughter is in control of her choices and likely ended the relationship herself.

5. Step-parent Perspective & Boundaries

(10:15–11:58)

• Larry (step-parent): Advocates for inviting teens’ partners into the family environment and discussing expectations. He also stresses that expressing disappointment is healthy and honest.
  • “It’s okay for our kids to know that we’re disappointed in some of the things they choose to do…” – Larry (11:51)

6. Emotional Complexity of Teen Relationships

(11:59–12:33)

• Caller points out teenage sex after a breakup might be driven by emotional difficulty letting go, not just immaturity or irresponsibility.
  • “She’s learning the lesson that even when couples break up…you may still be physically active because you just can’t quite let it go yet.” – Caller (12:01)

7. Consensus Among Callers

(12:33–13:12)

• Callers largely affirm Lisa’s approach, suggesting honesty and communication prepare teens better for adult life than secrecy or authoritarian tactics.
• The host humorously notes the unusual consensus and commends Lisa for her parenting.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lisa, on realism in parenting:
  “If you don't think your kids are doing things, you're crazy.” (03:04)

• Melissa (20, caller):
  “My parents always gave me a lot of freedom and I've been very responsible...if you keep it very open, everything will be okay and she won't become a slut.” (07:11, 07:48)

• Lisa, on parental control:
  “The tighter the strings are on the child, the more promiscuous they are.” (07:57)

• 24-year-old caller, on consequences of strictness:
  “I had some friends that went absolutely nuts in college…” (09:03)

• Larry (step-parent caller), on parental honesty:
  “I think it’s okay for our kids to know that we’re disappointed in some of the things that they choose to do, even though they make those decisions.” (11:51)

• Practical perspective on breakups:
  “She’s learning…even as adults…you may still be physically active because you just can’t quite let it go yet.” (12:01)

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Important Segments with Timestamps

• Lisa introduces her problem and her approach: [01:35–04:40]
• How teens sneak around & parental monitoring: [03:18–04:00]
• Caller questions about motivation for break-up sex: [05:59–06:57]
• Callers Melissa and 24-year-old on open parenting: [07:01–10:22]
• Larry (step-parent) on involving teens’ partners: [10:15–11:58]
• Emotional aftermath of breakups/sex: [11:59–12:33]
• Episode wrap-up & consensus: [12:33–13:12]

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Takeaways

• Open, honest communication reduces secrecy and unhealthy rebellion, and may foster responsible sexual behavior in teens.
• Most callers and hosts reject shaming, instead advocating for guidance and support—parents should be approachable, realistic, and honest about their own feelings.
• Parental disappointment can and should be expressed, but without shaming; understanding the emotional context of teen relationships is key.
• There is no universal “right way,” but consensus suggests dialogue trumps prohibition for preparing teens for adulthood.

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For more advice, real talk, and listener stories, tune in daily to The Bert Show.

Transcript

[Lisa]

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[Lisa]

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[Lisa]

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[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

So the knock knock was just you knocking?

[Lisa]

Yeah, that's how doors work.

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[Mark Bittman]

Get it? The Birch Show.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

All right. Birch show listener. We are gonna call her Lisa. Interesting take on her teenage case. She's actually all right with her daughter, I think. Having sex. Okay, it's gonna happen. Maybe it's her attitude, but where do you draw the line? Because she certainly doesn't want her daughter to become a slut. Right? Good morning, Lisa.

[Lisa]

Good morning.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Am I accurate in saying that?

[Caller 1 (24-year-old woman)]

Pretty much.

[Lisa]

I feel pretty confident that she's not gonna turn into a slut, but I just wanted to get some feedback from somebody else.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Okay, so you're real. I'm not exactly sure what the focus of your call is. Is it just to get advice from other people?

[Lisa]

I actually originally I was getting in touch with you because she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. They were extremely serious, like 24 hours a day. They were together over the summer and all of a sudden she announced that they broke up because they both decided they didn't want to be too serious. But the next night she went to see him. Then they were on the phone constantly. And my question originally was, does that mean, you know, she kept saying they're still friends, they're just friends, but are they still sleeping together? But then over the weekend I found out they were. So, you know, that's kind of a moot point.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Now she is how old?

[Lisa]

She is a senior in high school.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

And the fact that she's having sex as a senior in high school, that's not bothering you?

[Lisa]

Well, you know, I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of parents that say that I'm nuts, but I would prefer she not. And I have a son that I feel the same way about. But I also know that most kids lose their virginity, you know, 14, 15, 16 years old.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Anyway, don't tell me that.

[Lisa]

No, I'm serious. And I'll tell you as a parent, as a parent, if you don't think your kids are doing things, you're crazy. I hear so many wild stories. I know about kids. They sneak out of the house, you know, just like Jen was talking.

[Larry (Step-parent caller)]

They probably jimmy the alarm.

[Lisa]

Go creative. My daughter was. She was going over and spending the night with her boyfriend when his mother was out of town. And I knew it, but she wouldn't admit it. So I drove over to his house at 4 o' clock in the morning and her car was in his driveway. And so I left a note in the car for her. So she was busted. And what she was doing was going over to. She would tell me she was going to stay with my girlfriend. And then when the girlfriend's parents went to sleep, she was sneaking out of the basement and going over to his house. And then she would come back early in the morning and nobody knew it.

[Caller 2 (Advice caller)]

Now is the only person that you know of her having activity with is this guy?

[Lisa]

Yes. And that's what I talked to her about after I found out they were still together. I said, you know, it's one thing to have a serious relationship. And I've always, I've taught Both my kids, from the time they had sex education in fifth grade, that it's a very special thing. And we talked about it a lot.

[Larry (Step-parent caller)]

We do.

[Lisa]

And so, yeah, I mean, I have a really, really good relationship with both of them. When I thought they were going to start to be sexually active, you know, we had the condom and that kind of discussion. And they're, you know, they're both good kids. My son is in a, he's in a relationship with a girl that they've been serious with each other for three years now. And my daughter was in. Her first relationship lasted almost two years. So. But now with this, now with this thing with, we're friends, but we're sleeping together, I'm just not real sure about that.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

All right, let me try to get you some advice here. 404-741-1005.

[Caller 3 (Questioning caller)]

I have some questions about your daughter's relationship. Do they exchange the L word? Do they say that they love each other?

[Melissa (20-year-old caller)]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Lisa]

I'll tell you what, kids, even today, I also, I have access to their Facebook and their MySpace account, so I monitor that as well. And everybody tells each other they love each other. You say, it is so cute.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

You certainly don't sound like an irresponsible parent. You have made a decision.

[Caller 1 (24-year-old woman)]

No, no, no, I'm not.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

No, no, not at all. I mean, there are going to be some that are going to call up and judge you for the.

[Lisa]

Oh, I know, I know.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

But this is a decision that you've made. It's working for your family. You're just trying to get a line of definition here.

[Lisa]

Well, this is a funny story. My daughter woke me up at 3 o' clock in the morning about a year and a half, two years ago, and she wanted to know if she could go pick up her best guy friend was dating a girl and the parents of the girl did not allow them to see each other. So they were sneaking out after the parents went to bed and his car broke down at 3 o' clock in the morning. So she asked me if she could go pick them up and take them home. So she said he would do the same thing for me. So I, I said, okay. So she went and picked him up and took him home. So the next day, next time I saw the kid, I said, I said, how did you get away with your car was in the driveway when your parents went to bed and it was gone when they got up in the morning. And he said, oh, I told him so and so came over and had to borrow it last Night, he's pulling.

[Caller 3 (Questioning caller)]

The wool over their parents eyes. I just wonder if your daughter and her boyfriend broke up because he wanted to and not because she wanted to.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Why does that matter?

[Lisa]

I think it's the other way around. This boy was over at the house prior to them dating. He was here a lot. And I could tell over maybe the four weeks before they started dating, he was following her around the house like a little puppy dog. It was just so. And she kept saying, well, we're just friends. We're just friends. So I think, although she says it was a mutual agreement, I think it was more her not wanting to get in such a serious relationship after the one she just broke up with.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Just quickly, Jen, I'm curious on why that was an important question for you.

[Caller 3 (Questioning caller)]

Well, because to me, if he broke up with her but she wanted to get him back, she would be still sleeping with him, get him back.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

So using it as a tool to.

[Caller 3 (Questioning caller)]

Using it as a tool to hold on to him, to make him love her so their relationship would last longer. But if she's in control of the relationship, it was her decision to break up or a mutual decision, it doesn't make any sense to me why she would still be having sex with him.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Hey, Melissa.

[Lisa]

She's definitely in control.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Melissa, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Melissa (20-year-old caller)]

Hi.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Hi.

[Melissa (20-year-old caller)]

I was just calling to say that I am 20 years old and my mom found out that I was having sex when I was 17 and we've always had a very open relationship and she said it was okay. She talked to me about it. She made me go get birth controls and they talked to me about it. And I think the best thing is have a very open relationship with your daughter. Because my parents always gave me a lot of freedom and I've been very responsible. And my friends, they don't have a lot of freedom and they've gotten in trouble. They've had sex with a lot of guys and I've only had sex with one boy. And I think it's just the relationship you have between your mom and if you keep it very open that I think everything will be okay and she won't become a slut.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Is there anything that you want to ask her? I mean, you have, you know, a 20 year old on the phone right now. Lisa, that was, it wasn't so long ago she was a teenager that you, that you might be able to get some insight.

[Lisa]

Well, it sounds like she's confirming kind of what I'm saying, which I appreciate. No, I think that's great. And I agree with what you said. I have noticed that the tighter the strings are on the child, the more promiscuous they are. And then when they go away to college, I would rather screw up when they're still living with me than to screw up when you know what my.

[Melissa (20-year-old caller)]

Parents said they'd rather us, like, screw up with them. That they. On the same page you are.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Keep the whores at home.

[Lisa]

Because I think what they're teaching parents.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

These days, that's my mantra. Good morning, Kristen. You're much worse than a slut on the road.

[Caller 1 (24-year-old woman)]

Hi, I'm 24. I just heard the last caller, and I was in the same predicament when I was in high school. I had a boyfriend from the time I was a sophomore. And, you know, when I was a senior, we decided we were going to go all the way. And my mom was always the same way. She just always told me ever since I was little, you know, of course she wanted me to not have sex till I got married, but she knew the reality of that, you know, maybe not happening in this day and age. And so she just always told me to be really open with her. And so, you know, when it happened, I told her and we went to the doctor and I got on birth control. And I mean, I know a lot of people like this girl go to college. They live really sheltered lives. And I had some friends that went absolutely nuts in college and, you know, were just drinking heavily, going out, you know, doing stupid things. Of course, alcohol kind of impairs your judgment. So I think that she's definitely doing the right thing. And as far as, you know, her daughter still doing it with the boy even though they're broken up, I think that's just immaturity, kind of. I mean, I know that my boyfriend and I, we'd been together for two and a half years, broke up, and it kind of continued after that. And it's just the, you know, kind of being immature and you miss that sort of, you know, that's your interpretation of love kind of relationship. So, you know, I think that she'll get over it and, you know, eventually maybe someone else will come along, whatever, but you just have to reinforce her just to make smart decisions and keep you in the loop because you're, you know, if you have that open line of communication, then you're always going to be there to help her, you know, guide her through the sticky situations.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Hey, Lisa. It may be by the time we're done taking these calls and we only have Time for, like, one or two more. You just may get confirmation on the way that you're actually dealing with things. It's going to feel pretty good also.

[Lisa]

Which would be fascinating because there's never a consensus.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Larry has a bit of a different take on it also, or another suggestion. Hey, Larry.

[Larry (Step-parent caller)]

Hey. How you doing?

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Good, man.

[Larry (Step-parent caller)]

I'm actually a step parent, and my boys are. I'm only 34, but my boys are 17 and 20, and they both have gone through the having sex thing, and I was just quite the opposite of that when I grew up. And so they. They kind of talk to me about it and think that I'm more than perfect. But at the same time, they have opened up and said, you know, we have gone through this, and I think one of the things my wife. I do is we're very similar to you, where we can talk to our kids about what they've done and having sex and. But we also like to talk with their girlfriends, and we like to involve them into our family. And when you have a problem or something happening like this, it's nice to get them involved and talk to them and find out what their take is and be blunt with them. You'd be amazed at how well and how perceptive they are to just come in and talk to you about, wow. They're shocked at first, but then they kind of open up and say, well, you know, we're using protection, or, you know, we're just friends. And I think that it's really good to involve them. And I also think that it's very good for you to say, you know what? I understand that you're doing this, but I'm also. Maybe I'm disappointed. And I think it's okay for our kids to know that we're disappointed in some of the things that they choose to do, even though they make those decisions. I think it's really good that they know that.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Thanks, Laura.

[Caller 2 (Advice caller)]

Lisa, first, I commend you for being such a great parent. But also, you know, sex is not just mechanical, it's emotional. And I think that's one thing we have. It could just simply be. She's learning the lesson that even when couples break up, even as adults, you know, this. That you break up as an adult, you may still be physically active because you just can't quite let it go yet.

[Larry (Step-parent caller)]

Right.

[Caller 2 (Advice caller)]

And so I have. I mean, I'm not nervous at all hearing that she's spending all this time and doing all this as one guy that, you know, that's just. I think she's going through the whole breaking up process. Even, even if she's in control, she's still a girl and she still has emotions and it may be hard for her to be letting him go.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Yeah, Lisa, we're going to drop off here because at this point, everybody's saying the same thing. And you may be the first listener to ever leave the Bird show feeling good about themselves.

[Lisa]

I'm sorry about your dog.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it.

[Caller 1 (24-year-old woman)]

All right.

[Melissa (20-year-old caller)]

Thanks a lot.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

Thank you.

[Caller 3 (Questioning caller)]

Hang in there.

[Lisa]

Keep talking about it.

[Caller 2 (Advice caller)]

I started the Rudy clap and then.

[Radio Host (Bird Show)]

She brought up the dog and that brought her to him. But most are calling up just saying, you know what, she's handling everything right. But even when you handle things correctly, here's a tie into the dog thing. Like when you, even when sometimes when you know you're doing the right thing just to hear other people confirming it, it makes you more confident in your decision. All right, Lisa, thank you for calling. Appreciate it. Bye now.

[Caller 1 (24-year-old woman)]

All right, bye.

[Mark Bittman]

Get it the Bird Show.

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[Lisa]

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