The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: Should She Stay With A Guy Who Lied To Her?
Date: January 29, 2026
Episode Overview
This episode centers on a listener dilemma: Abigail’s boyfriend failed to disclose his genital herpes diagnosis before becoming intimate with her. The hosts and callers candidly discuss issues of honesty, personal responsibility in relationships, and the practical and emotional impacts of sexually transmitted diseases. They explore whether Abigail should stay with her partner, share personal anecdotes, debate legal and moral repercussions, and consider the broader topic of consent and disclosure in intimate relationships.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Should Disclosure of STDs Be Mandatory in Relationships?
- Abigail's Story (00:00 – 00:47): Abigail shares she broke up with her boyfriend upon discovering he hadn't told her about his genital herpes. She considers this a deal-breaker due to the dishonesty and health risks.
- Host Reaction: The hosts agree it's “completely irresponsible” not to disclose such information before intimacy.
- Quote (A): "I don't know who could argue with that." (00:19)
- Quote (B): “If you have some kind of chronic condition that you could pass on to someone else, then it is your responsibility to tell them what they're getting into long before the opportunity to pass it on to them.” (00:26)
2. Listener Call: Navigating Accidental Transmission (01:07 – 02:47)
- Caller Jesse (C): Reveals her own diagnosis, discovering she had herpes after five weeks of dating her boyfriend. Initially, her partner was unaware since doctors misdiagnosed his initial outbreak. She believes her partner's sincere shock and clarifies that herpes testing must be specifically requested.
- Quote (C): “You have to request for a genital herpes test because they draw blood and you have to give them permission…” (01:50)
- Key Insight: Even medical professionals can miss diagnoses, and misunderstandings happen, but the onus remains on honesty once someone knows.
3. Chronic Lying and Repeated Offenses (02:48 – 04:33)
- Another Caller (D): Shares a story where her ex knew he had herpes but hid it. His first wife only found out after being infected.
- Quote (D): “…If you know you have something and you continually have relationships with people and you don’t tell them about this, it’s… pretty wrong and pretty immoral.” (03:21)
- Impact on Victims: One ex-wife suffered so deeply she experienced a mental breakdown.
- Host Response: They describe such ongoing deception as “criminal” and address the moral duty to disclose STDs.
4. Stigma, Relationships, and Online Dating (04:14 – 05:08)
- Hosts: Note that some people seek partners with the same STDs to avoid disclosure anxiety.
- Quote (B): "Some people will only date somebody that has herpes if they have it. So they don’t go through this." (04:15)
- Mention of Niche Dating Sites: They reference websites for people with STDs.
5. Transmission Realities & Comparisons to Common Illnesses (05:08 – 06:00)
- Debate: How and when herpes is transmitted; some confusion about the need for an outbreak.
- Common Courtesy Parallel: The hosts use the analogy of warning others about a cold or flu to highlight basic courtesy in warning about anything contagious—especially incurable conditions.
6. More Listener Stories: Complex Situations, Gendered Reactions (06:08 – 07:19)
- Caller Allison (C): Shares a story about a friend contracting herpes after a one-night stand and how stigma and blame play out socially.
- Quote (C): “You can’t be mad at him if he doesn’t want to talk to you.” (07:09)
7. Legal and Public Shaming: Court Cases and Online Warnings (07:19 – 11:17)
- Legal Questions: The hosts and Abigail discuss whether criminal charges can be pressed for knowingly transmitting an STD.
- Quote (A): “Have you found out if you can press charges in a case like this?” (07:19)
- Public Shaming/Community Response: Abigail finds out someone posted her ex’s photo and a warning about his behavior on Craigslist.
- Quote (E, reading from Craigslist): "He is a 46-year-old man who has had herpes for several years. He waited until after we were broken up to let me know. Now I have it too. In all caps. BEWARE OF THIS MAN." (10:22)
- Hosts dub him a “serial herpist” (10:48).
- Abigail’s Actions: She tricked her ex into promising disclosure to all past partners and supported the online warning due to his repeated offenses.
- Quote (D): “I said, okay, we can work this out, but there are conditions. Number one, you have to tell everyone you slept with before me that you have genital herpes.” (09:24)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Moral & Criminal Lens:
- Host (B): “It’s pretty wrong and pretty immoral. And you’re putting… It’s something that stays with you for the rest of life.” (03:21)
- Humor Amid Heavy Topics:
- Host (E): “He’s a serial herpist.” (10:48)
- Host (A): “Just because you have a big nose doesn’t mean you have genital herpes. I just want everybody to know that.” (10:14)
- Victim Advocacy:
- Abigail (D): “I don’t want to ruin the guy’s career, but… it’s completely unfair that any potential person he would date, he probably wouldn’t tell them.” (07:29)
- Parallels with Everyday Courtesy:
- Host (A): “If I have a cold, I’ll say to you, wait, you don’t want to do that. I have a cold.” (05:50)
- Host (B): “If I fall into bed together. Oh, you don’t want to go there because I’ve got genital herpes.” (05:56)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:00 – 00:47: Introduction of Abigail’s dilemma and hosts’ initial reactions
- 01:07 – 02:47: Jesse’s call about unintentional transmission and misunderstanding with testing
- 02:48 – 04:33: Story of a man who knowingly infected multiple partners
- 04:14 – 05:08: Discussion on dating sites for people with STDs
- 05:08 – 06:00: Analogies to colds and importance of disclosure
- 06:08 – 07:19: Allison’s story about her friend and shifting blame
- 07:19 – 11:17: Legal questions, online shaming, community warnings, and debate on publicizing offenders
Tone & Closing
Balancing empathy and tough love, the hosts maintain a frank, humorous, and real tone. They underscore personal responsibility, the importance of informed consent, and consequences—both legal and social—of hiding an STD. The episode provides a safe, non-judgmental space for sensitive stories, but doesn’t shy from directly naming unethical behavior.
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