Vault: Should She Stay With A Guy Who Lied To Her?

Summary

The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: Should She Stay With A Guy Who Lied To Her?
Date: January 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener dilemma: Abigail’s boyfriend failed to disclose his genital herpes diagnosis before becoming intimate with her. The hosts and callers candidly discuss issues of honesty, personal responsibility in relationships, and the practical and emotional impacts of sexually transmitted diseases. They explore whether Abigail should stay with her partner, share personal anecdotes, debate legal and moral repercussions, and consider the broader topic of consent and disclosure in intimate relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Should Disclosure of STDs Be Mandatory in Relationships?

• Abigail's Story (00:00 – 00:47): Abigail shares she broke up with her boyfriend upon discovering he hadn't told her about his genital herpes. She considers this a deal-breaker due to the dishonesty and health risks.
• Host Reaction: The hosts agree it's “completely irresponsible” not to disclose such information before intimacy.
  • Quote (A): "I don't know who could argue with that." (00:19)
  • Quote (B): “If you have some kind of chronic condition that you could pass on to someone else, then it is your responsibility to tell them what they're getting into long before the opportunity to pass it on to them.” (00:26)

2. Listener Call: Navigating Accidental Transmission (01:07 – 02:47)

• Caller Jesse (C): Reveals her own diagnosis, discovering she had herpes after five weeks of dating her boyfriend. Initially, her partner was unaware since doctors misdiagnosed his initial outbreak. She believes her partner's sincere shock and clarifies that herpes testing must be specifically requested.
  • Quote (C): “You have to request for a genital herpes test because they draw blood and you have to give them permission…” (01:50)
• Key Insight: Even medical professionals can miss diagnoses, and misunderstandings happen, but the onus remains on honesty once someone knows.

3. Chronic Lying and Repeated Offenses (02:48 – 04:33)

• Another Caller (D): Shares a story where her ex knew he had herpes but hid it. His first wife only found out after being infected.
  • Quote (D): “…If you know you have something and you continually have relationships with people and you don’t tell them about this, it’s… pretty wrong and pretty immoral.” (03:21)
• Impact on Victims: One ex-wife suffered so deeply she experienced a mental breakdown.
• Host Response: They describe such ongoing deception as “criminal” and address the moral duty to disclose STDs.

4. Stigma, Relationships, and Online Dating (04:14 – 05:08)

• Hosts: Note that some people seek partners with the same STDs to avoid disclosure anxiety.
  • Quote (B): "Some people will only date somebody that has herpes if they have it. So they don’t go through this." (04:15)
• Mention of Niche Dating Sites: They reference websites for people with STDs.

5. Transmission Realities & Comparisons to Common Illnesses (05:08 – 06:00)

• Debate: How and when herpes is transmitted; some confusion about the need for an outbreak.
• Common Courtesy Parallel: The hosts use the analogy of warning others about a cold or flu to highlight basic courtesy in warning about anything contagious—especially incurable conditions.

6. More Listener Stories: Complex Situations, Gendered Reactions (06:08 – 07:19)

• Caller Allison (C): Shares a story about a friend contracting herpes after a one-night stand and how stigma and blame play out socially.
  • Quote (C): “You can’t be mad at him if he doesn’t want to talk to you.” (07:09)

7. Legal and Public Shaming: Court Cases and Online Warnings (07:19 – 11:17)

• Legal Questions: The hosts and Abigail discuss whether criminal charges can be pressed for knowingly transmitting an STD.
  • Quote (A): “Have you found out if you can press charges in a case like this?” (07:19)
• Public Shaming/Community Response: Abigail finds out someone posted her ex’s photo and a warning about his behavior on Craigslist.
  • Quote (E, reading from Craigslist): "He is a 46-year-old man who has had herpes for several years. He waited until after we were broken up to let me know. Now I have it too. In all caps. BEWARE OF THIS MAN." (10:22)
  • Hosts dub him a “serial herpist” (10:48).
• Abigail’s Actions: She tricked her ex into promising disclosure to all past partners and supported the online warning due to his repeated offenses.
  • Quote (D): “I said, okay, we can work this out, but there are conditions. Number one, you have to tell everyone you slept with before me that you have genital herpes.” (09:24)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Moral & Criminal Lens:
  • Host (B): “It’s pretty wrong and pretty immoral. And you’re putting… It’s something that stays with you for the rest of life.” (03:21)
• Humor Amid Heavy Topics:
  • Host (E): “He’s a serial herpist.” (10:48)
  • Host (A): “Just because you have a big nose doesn’t mean you have genital herpes. I just want everybody to know that.” (10:14)
• Victim Advocacy:
  • Abigail (D): “I don’t want to ruin the guy’s career, but… it’s completely unfair that any potential person he would date, he probably wouldn’t tell them.” (07:29)
• Parallels with Everyday Courtesy:
  • Host (A): “If I have a cold, I’ll say to you, wait, you don’t want to do that. I have a cold.” (05:50)
  • Host (B): “If I fall into bed together. Oh, you don’t want to go there because I’ve got genital herpes.” (05:56)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 00:47: Introduction of Abigail’s dilemma and hosts’ initial reactions
• 01:07 – 02:47: Jesse’s call about unintentional transmission and misunderstanding with testing
• 02:48 – 04:33: Story of a man who knowingly infected multiple partners
• 04:14 – 05:08: Discussion on dating sites for people with STDs
• 05:08 – 06:00: Analogies to colds and importance of disclosure
• 06:08 – 07:19: Allison’s story about her friend and shifting blame
• 07:19 – 11:17: Legal questions, online shaming, community warnings, and debate on publicizing offenders

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Tone & Closing

Balancing empathy and tough love, the hosts maintain a frank, humorous, and real tone. They underscore personal responsibility, the importance of informed consent, and consequences—both legal and social—of hiding an STD. The episode provides a safe, non-judgmental space for sensitive stories, but doesn’t shy from directly naming unethical behavior.

END

Transcript

[A]

The first show. We have been talking to Abigail here. I'm not even exactly sure what to ask you guys to call in for. I don't even know that Abigail was calling up for advice. She was just relaying a story to us that she'd been going out with this guy for a while, and they've been intimate with each other, and she just thinks it was completely irresponsible of him not to tell her that he had genital herpes before they had any kind of intimate relationship. And I don't know who could argue with that.

[B]

Right? I think, yeah, it's incredibly fit. But maybe it's good to bring up the topic because it is your responsibility. If you do have some kind of chronic condition that you could pass on to someone else, then it is your responsibility to tell them what they're getting into long before the opportunity to pass it on to them. I mean, because that. That is so offensive now.

[A]

What. What Abigail has told us is that she split from the guy. She's like, I don't want any part of this. Too much drama. He wasn't honest with me. We got some people calling up saying, wait, you're being too harsh.

[B]

Because he wants them to stay together, so he's still pursuing her to stay in the relationship.

[A]

Jesse, you're on Q100.

[C]

Hey, Bert, how are you?

[A]

Good. You're on the voice disguiser.

[C]

Awesome. Okay. I didn't want to say that she should stay with him because I think it's really shady that he didn't tell her. But what I was going to tell you is I actually have genital herpes. And I found out after dating my boyfriend for about five weeks, because it takes about five weeks before you get the first outbreak. And we. When I found out, I asked. I went to him and I was like, hey, is there something you didn't tell me? And he was like, no, honey, I promise. You know, And I believed him because, you know, he's a very sincere guy, and he was just as shocked as I was about the whole thing. Turns out he had had his first outbreak, went to the doctor, and they didn't catch it. They didn't test him for that. They just gave him some antibiotics and him on his way.

[D]

So can you believe that story? I'll say this. You have to request for a genital herpes test because they draw blood and you have to give them permission to draw your blood and what.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

I do believe it because I actually talked to his doctor because we went back to get him, retested for it. And he's like, oh, well, we didn't test him for it last time because it didn't look like an actual outbreak. It looked like something else. So we gave him the antibiotic. That's the only reason I actually believe it, because, believe me, I was. It sounded sketchy to me.

[A]

Is it just like a pimply type deal? Like razor burnish, like a blister?

[C]

It's really. It really sucks, I'll tell you that. And I never wish it upon anybody.

[A]

There's just one.

[C]

And if he didn't. If he had the audacity to go about sleeping with her without, you know, without telling her, that's rude. So definitely you should leave him for that. But I'm just saying to the people who, you know, find out that they have it and then, you know, the person who gave it to you is just genuinely surprised and maybe go talk to their doctors if they said they've been tested before.

[A]

Do you get it?

[D]

19 years. 19 years. In fact.

[B]

He knew.

[D]

He knew he had it because he got it from an ex girlfriend that he's actually still friends with. I've met her. And the funny. It's not funny. But the odd thing is, is that he. He was married before and, you know, he. Obviously they didn't use protection before they got married. The marriage lasted 14 months. And when he told her he had it is after she called it from him and had an outbreak. That's horrible. And I think that in itself, there's a lot about someone's character and integrity. Now, everybody makes mistakes, you know, and everybody makes poor judgments at times. But if you know, you have something and you continually have relationships with people and you don't tell them about this, it's. It's pretty. Pretty wrong and pretty immoral. And you're putting. It's something that stays with you for the rest of life. Now, had he to told me at the beginning, I could have made an educated decision. I don't know if I would have stayed with him. I don't know if I would have broken up him. That's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because he lied and he knew that he had it and he deliberately chose not to tell me, even though we used protection and even that my doctor said it's not 100% because there's a lot of body fluids that are exchanged and just. Even the touching of, you know, the top of your genitals to someone can give that to you.

[B]

Yeah. And I think the key Word you said earlier was criminal. You know, because I do agree with that. My sister had a friend who. Two friends who got married. And one of the reasons that their relationship was strong is because they each had herpes. Like they. They actually started dating.

[A]

Herpes brought them together.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, because there's some people that will only date somebody that has herpes if they have it. So they don't go through this.

[D]

I told him there was a website for people with STDs. He should go on that dating website.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. So they don't have the self consciousness of what they have and have to have that awkward conversation. If they know the other person has it, then that's not an issue.

[A]

Do you only catch that when the other person is having an outbreak? Or as soon as you have sex, you're pretty much. You got it. Do you know?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Do you know, Abigail?

[B]

I'm assuming outbreak, obviously, but I don't know about the point of this.

[E]

Like, the point we're. So we're debating the herpes and the severity of it and how it's caught and transmitted. Whatever the point of this is, he lied about having it to her. And it's like it's common courtesy if any one of us walks in here, if we come in. Because now we have the rule that if we even have half of a cough, the rule is that we call in sick or could be glared at the entire.

[B]

Cause we're in an airtight studio.

[E]

Cause the germs just sit on top of all of us. Like we've, you know, our intern staff, we've sent them home or at least out of the room for being sick. It's common courtesy if you have something where have, you know, where it could spread to someone else. Especially like working with Burt, like if I had a cold.

[B]

But when you French kiss, you need to know, because you often start the morning that way.

[E]

Because then he'll take it home and give it to one of his kids and then it'll be trapped in his house until the kid turns 18.

[C]

Right. You know what I mean?

[B]

Well, the difference with this is that some of these are crushed chronic conditions like herpes, where you have it and you will always have it, you know, so much more severe than a cold. And then there are worse STDs that could take your life.

[E]

But that's what I'm saying about the common courtesy is when you have something as insignificant as a cold, if you.

[A]

Come in for a hug for me and I have a Cold. I'll say to you. Wait, you don't want to do that. I have a cold.

[E]

Exactly.

[B]

If I fall into bed together. Oh, you don't want to go there because I've got genital herpes.

[A]

But, hey, this may kill the mood, right?

[B]

There's something I got to show you.

[A]

Good morning, Allison. You're on Q100.

[D]

Hey.

[C]

Yeah, I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with herpes. And that's kind of like a tragic story in itself. Just because she got it from the guy that she lost her virginity to at a one night stand.

[D]

Oh, no.

[E]

She has been game on since day one.

[C]

And, like, the third person she was with was one of my best male friends. And so he was flipping out, and he was just like, oh, God, I might have something. But, like, it turns out that he. She obviously got it from him, and he's claimed that he doesn't have it. He never had it. And she's a whore because she's sleeping around. Oh, wow.

[A]

The very first time.

[C]

And so, like, when she was telling me about it, like, she, like, was like, she's like, well, you are aware that if he gets it, he's probably not going to talk to you anymore. And she's just like, well, what are you saying? He's gonna hate me for the rest of my life. And I was just like, well, yeah, you kind of gave him something uncurable. I mean, that's gonna affect the rest of his life. So you have to understand that even though you didn't do it on purpose, he's gonna be upset about that.

[D]

And she just couldn't take that.

[C]

It, like, slipped out on me, like, screaming, like, I see who my real friends are. I was like, I'm not saying I don't want to talk to you. I'm just saying you can't be mad at him if he doesn't want to talk to you.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Abigail, let me ask you this, because I'm sure you've done the research on it. Have you. Have you found out if you can press charges in a case like this?

[C]

I've.

[D]

I've actually kind of looked around. I didn't contract it from him, but the only thing that I could do is I could go. He. Like I said, he's a dentist, and I wasn't his patient. He had it before he got his license. The only thing I could do is I could possibly report it and I could, you know, file a complaint. I don't want to ruin the guy's career, but I don't want. I think that it's completely unfair that any potential person he would date, he probably wouldn't tell them. And I think. I don't know what it is that can do. In fact, my friend just text messaged me on my Miami cell phone. It just came in after, I guess, two hour delay. And she said that there's actual posting about him on Craigslist under the general community in Miami. I haven't had a chance to look at it because I'm in the Bahamas and you know, my air card is. You know, my Internet connection is here and there and everywhere. So. But I don't know if that itself is gonna fix it. I don't know who would have done that other than the ex girlfriend that, you know, sent me the text message. I mean, this is a recent event, so. Wow, you can put him up on.

[B]

That do not date list.

[A]

Yeah, you can. I mean, it sure seems. I know you don't want to ruin the guy's career and everything, but if he's done this to you, he's done this to a slew of other women over the last few years.

[D]

I mean, his first wife, she was a lawyer. She quit. It was so devastating to her that she had a mental breakdown because she couldn't. And she was South African as well. She couldn't believe that he would risk her. I mean, they took a vow. He would risk on her health and put her. Exposed her and not tell her. And that's not. It's not just like he's. She's the only one.

[C]

I know.

[D]

I know at least three people that I said, okay, if you want to even continue trying to move forward. And I kind of tricked him. I said, okay, we can work this out, but there are conditions. Number one, you have to tell everyone you slept with before me that you have genital herpes. They have to have the right to know so they can go get tested.

[E]

Hey, Abigail, they got a picture of him up on Craigslist.

[A]

Yeah, we're all looking at his picture right now up on Craigslist.

[D]

Are you serious?

[A]

Totally serious.

[D]

Has he got black hair?

[A]

He sure does. Kind of a broad guy.

[C]

He's about.

[D]

The funny thing is he told me he was five' eleven. He's not five' eleven. He's barely five' ten. You know, maybe even just five nine.

[E]

But it's gotta be.

[D]

Yeah, he's kind of broad and got big arms and, you know, he's got kind of a big nose.

[E]

It says man's name.

[D]

No offense, Burt. I'm Sorry. He's doing nothing.

[A]

Just because you have a big nose doesn't mean you have genital herpes. I just want everybody to know that.

[E]

Hey, Abigail. It said, it gives his name and then it says, a local dentist here in Miami knowingly had genital herpes when he and I engaged in sex. He is a 46 year old man who has had herpes for several years. He waited until after we were broken up to let me know. Now I have it too. In all caps. Beware of this man. It was posted at one o' clock this morning.

[A]

I absolutely think it's justifiable to post something like that online.

[B]

Because he's a serial. He's doing it.

[E]

Yeah, he's a serial. Herpist.

[B]

Herpist.

[D]

You know, I think it's okay to post this picture.

[B]

Yeah, Pictures up there.

[A]

I absolutely think it is. Yeah, I really do.

[B]

Well, I. Send us the link. It is an interesting debate in the future about criminal charges for people who pass on serious illnesses to other people.

[A]

I'd be surprised.

[D]

I know his dental website address.

[A]

Well, you've got plenty to add to that website. I'd be seriously surprised if this wasn't already a court case.

[B]

It has to be, because he's a repeat offender. Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Abigail, thank you for spending some time with us. Appreciate it.

[D]

Thank you so much for helping me, you guys. I mean, I love your show. You guys are wonderful. And thank God sometimes I get an Internet connection so I can listen to you when I'm traveling.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

The fruit show.