Vault: Smear Campaigns

Summary

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The Bert Show – Episode: Vault: Smear Campaigns

Date: December 2, 2025
Main Cast: Bert Weiss, Jeff Dollar, Jen Hobby, Melissa Carter
Theme:
A hilarious and insightful exploration of political smear campaigns—why they persist despite public distaste, how they influence voter perceptions, and a light-hearted group experiment where the cast creates smear ads targeting each other.

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Episode Overview

The Bert Show crew dives into the world of political smear campaigns, questioning their effectiveness, impact on voters, and the weird traditions that surround voting in American families. The highlight: the cast's own self-created, tongue-in-cheek smear ads, lampooning each other in typical radio morning show style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Are Smear Campaigns So Persistent?

Starts at 01:02

• Effectiveness of Smears:

  • Jeff Dollar wonders aloud if smear campaigns work, since they appear in every election:

    "If they weren't productive, then the candidates wouldn't just bash each other the way they do, right?" [01:02]

  • Burt Weiss affirms, noting that despite widespread complaints, the cycle always repeats:

    "People must respond to that because every election, somebody smearing, mudslinging, everybody complains about it...then the next election, everybody smears each other. People complain." [01:15]

  • Jen Hobby jokes about obscure smears, lampooning campaign fixations:

    "All I got out of it is Mark Taylor's really jealous of Sonny Purdue's lamb." [01:33]

• Seed of Doubt:

  • Melissa Carter appeals to the underlying psychology:

    "But it definitely plants that seed of doubt..." [01:49]
    "It's definitely...wait a minute. Is he getting rich off of policy?...It definitely makes you think about it." [01:52]

• How People Form Opinions:

  • Jeff Dollar laments the surface-level nature of voters’ research:

    "Most people, the extent of their research on any one of the candidates is probably what they see on television ...you take it for face value. Must be fact." [02:00]

2. Voting Behavior & Family Traditions

Starts at 02:18

• Obligation vs. Understanding:

  • Jen Hobby observes:

    "There's also a good chunk of people who feel obligated to vote, even if they're not educated completely..." [02:18]

  • The group riffs on the tradition of voting secrecy and “not discussing who you voted for,” leading into stories about growing up in families with quirky privacy ideals or home decor obsession.

• Hesitation to Vote Uninformed:

  • Jen Hobby admits she abstains when she lacks sufficient knowledge:

    "If I'm not...totally. Not totally. But if I don't at least have an awareness of it, I don't vote." [03:34]

3. Family Stories and Levity

03:34–06:38

• The conversation drifts, as is The Bert Show’s style, into stories of family quirks, especially about hiding purchases, odd collections (such as ball caps), and the peculiarities of childhood homes:
  • "We got a brand new console Zenith. We don't want anybody thinking we're all fancy." – Jen Hobby [04:11]
  • "He sawed off a broom handle, hung them all end to end...to hang them from the ceiling..." – Jen Hobby [05:14]

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4. The Bert Show's Own Smear Campaigns

Begins at 07:03

To bring the topic full-circle—and for comedic effect—the cast draws names and produces mock smear ads about each other, parodying the over-the-top nature of real campaign spots.

a) Jeff Dollar's Smear Ad Against Melissa Carter

[07:46–08:35]

• Parodies political clichés:
  • "Melissa Carter. Not now, not ever. Not the right choice, paid for by anybody. But Melissa Carter campaign."
• Funny exaggerations:
  • “I'm stuck in the 80s.”
  • “I make children cry.”
  • “I don't have enough bile in my food.”

b) Burt Weiss’s Smear Ad Against Bert Weiss (Secretary of Education)

[08:45–09:36]

• Puns on education and leadership:
  • “The A in ACT stands for achievement. What about Burt Weiss?” [09:07]
  • “Most people would tell you that they have a child that poops in some random part of their house. For me, it was the grudge.” [09:11]
  • Questions fit for education:
    • “We're going to do something a little bit different at our house for Halloween. Not doing candy this year.” [09:24]

c) Jen Hobby’s Smear Ad Against Jeff Dollar

[09:59–11:02]

• Focuses on Jeff’s tech habits:
  • “Can you trust a candidate with an admitted addiction?...Jeff's admitted addiction to his BlackBerry is his first priority.” [10:02]
  • “If you can handle a text only relationship with your political but don't expect Anything more from Jeff.” [10:53]

d) Jeff Dollar’s Smear Ad Against Jen Hobby

[11:16–12:49]

• Zingers about sports, responsibility and lifestyle:
  • “Her myriad of blue devils only have four win in the season since her involvement. It's sad and pathetic. Nobody wants her curse brought upon this whole state.” [11:36]
  • “Jen Hobby doesn’t know how to be responsible. She killed her Tamagotchi pet after only five days...” [12:10]
  • “She’s a drunk and sexual deviant. Her Jenny do list consists of movie stars and athletes.” [12:19]
  • Audience member: “I remember hearing her cuss in front of a whole group of Bert’s Big Adventure kids...” [12:31]

“Don’t learn the hard way what those that know her already know. On election day, let your voice be heard.” [12:41]

• Laughter erupts as the group playfully disputes some of the wilder claims:
  • “I don't know about the sexual deviant part though. Come on now.” – Melissa Carter [13:00]
  • “You cut your underwear off with scissors yesterday.” – Jen Hobby [13:04]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Perpetual Smears:

  “People complain about it. Then the election’s over and...then the next election, everybody smears each other.” – Burt Weiss [01:15]

• How Smears Plant Doubt:

  “It definitely plants that seed of doubt...It definitely makes you think about it.” – Melissa Carter [01:49–01:52]

• Voting While Uninformed:

  “If I'm not...totally. Not totally. But if I don't at least have an awareness of it, I don't vote.” – Jen Hobby [03:34]

• Mock Smear Campaign Classic:

  “Melissa Carter. Not now, not ever. Not the right choice, paid for by anybody. But Melissa Carter campaign.” – Smear Ad [08:26]
  “She’s a drunk and sexual deviant. Her Jenny do list consists of movie stars and athletes.” – Smear Ad [12:19]

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Key Timestamps

• 01:02 – Opening discussion: Why smear campaigns work
• 02:18 – On why people vote; the obligation even when uninformed
• 03:34 – Voting secrecy and family voting traditions
• 04:11 – Stories about hiding purchases and household quirks
• 07:03 – Group transitions to creating their own smear campaigns
• 07:46–08:35 – Smear ad: Jeff vs. Melissa
• 08:45–09:36 – Smear ad: Burt vs. Bert
• 09:59–11:02 – Smear ad: Jen vs. Jeff
• 11:16–12:49 – Smear ad: Jeff vs. Jen
• 13:04 – Cast jokes about the accuracy of the smear ads

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Tone and Style

• The episode’s tone is quintessentially The Bert Show: playful, irreverent, and candid. The cast’s chemistry shines through their good-natured teasing and willingness to poke fun at themselves while examining a serious political phenomenon.

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Summary

This episode of The Bert Show offers a sharp yet humorous look at the role of smear campaigns in American politics, paired with personal stories about voting traditions and capped by a creative exercise in making their own mock attack ads. The segment not only provides laughs but also prompts listeners to reflect on the impact of negative campaigning and the importance of being an informed voter—all with The Bert Show’s signature style.

Transcript

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[Host Jeff Dollar]

The Birch show these smear campaigns must be productive because, I mean, in each and every election, I mean, if they weren't productive, then the candidates wouldn't just bash each other the way they do. Right?

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Yeah. I mean, people must respond to that because every election, somebody smearing, mudslinging, everybody complains about it. Then the election's over and then we'll never do this again. And then the next election, everybody smears each other. People complain. I mean, it's just. Yeah, it obviously must get people to the polls or make you remember stuff.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

All I got out of it is Mark Taylor's really jealous of Sonny Purdue's lamb. That's what I see. Boy, he does not. You know how when you like a kid in school got like a new backpack, Everybody talked about it. Mark hasn't stopped talking about Sonny's farm.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

But it definitely plants that seed of doubt.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Oh, sure.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

You know, like, it definitely works. It's definitely. Wait a minute. Is he getting rich off of policy? Wait, wait a second. You know, it definitely makes you think about it.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Well, I do think that most people, the extent of their research on any one of the candidates is probably what they see on television. Sure. You just happen to be watching television and one of these commercials, come on, you take it for face value. Must be fact. So it starts to form your opinion about the candidate.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

There's also a good chunk of people who feel obligated to vote, even if they're not educated completely on the. What are they just saying? Wait. You know, they think we live in a democracy where everyone is required to vote for every single election. So even if they're not educated, they're like, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna vote.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

You know, so just totally setting the country back.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

If I was that person, like, I would be scared of that guy. Tommy Irvin doesn't like, and I know nothing about him, but that guy is like fox guarding the hen house. And I have no idea. I mean, it's a. Of agriculture. I couldn't even tell you what he does like. To me, he's just the most important farmer. Like, I don't know what he.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

What does he have to be angry.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

About, what policy he administers, what laws he advocates or challenges. I have no idea.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Dirty spinach. That's what he has to be worried about, right?

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Yeah.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

E. Cole. I poop on my lettuce.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

That's his concern.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Right? All I know is that the guy who's running against Tommy Irvin is not liked by Tommy Irvin. And they have a little animated chicken and a little animated fox, and he's got. His face is on the fox, and that's a fox guard in the hen house.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

I'm just curious, if. When you go to the polls today and you see both of their names, would you publicly tell us who you're gonna vote for in that race?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I wouldn't vote in that. You wouldn't? I don't if I'm not, you know, totally. Not totally. But if I don't at least have an awareness of it, I don't vote. But there's a. What I'm saying is, like, I think my parents were, like, election day was always a big thing for my parents or whatever. Like, they wouldn't even tell each other who they voted for. They would never tell me. If they did tell me, I was not allowed to discuss it. For some reason in the dollar household, you didn't talk about who you voted for or if you got something new in the house. You didn't tell any of the neighbors. Don't tell any of the neighbors. We got a new TV set.

[Guest or Listener]

Total eccentric.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

We got a brand new console Zenith. We don't want anybody thinking we're all fancy.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

I really do envision, like, your childhood home just having, like, stacks of newspapers that you guys had to, like, sort of jimmy your way through to get from room to room.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I don't think it was new.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Then a random gnome in the corner.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I think it was the boxes of all the stuff that we bought that we weren't allowed to put out to the curb because then the Gaspirinis and the Watsons would think that we're fancy.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

I imagine you guys had like those old antique lamps on every table that has, like the copper bottom and the lamp goes like this.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

You got. You got the.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

We had a lot of wood carved stuff that was mediocre. Wood carved stuff because my dad imagined himself crafty. So there was a lot of like. And a lot of whittled on the front porch. Very symmetrical wood carving type things, like bookends that were exactly identical that he, you know.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Did he display his ball caps? Was he a ball cap guy? Because there's a lot of men who find pride in their.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Well, listen, not only did he display them.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Oh, did he put them in plastic?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Nope. He sawed off a broom handle, hung them all end to end, then fastened wires to the broom handle to hang them from the ceiling of the entryway.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

There you go.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

If you want a ball Captain cap. One little twist of the thumb.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

It's almost like they went hunting and they found a ball cap and they're gonna hang it.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

I imagine Jeff's house to look like the house in A Christmas Story with the leg lamp, all the 1965, 70 furniture in it. Orange lighting.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Right.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

And then my dad, like, has ball caps. Obviously. Working in radio, we're privy to a lot of things like ball caps, T shirts, sweatshirts, promotional items. So I, for a while would send those to them until I actually became concerned that there would be no room for them in the house, that it would just be ball caps and T shirts. And at my 10. What year is it? 06. So 15 years ago, I was the Night Jack at B104 in Syracuse. I think you all heard some air checks from the sister station, Y94FM. So I got like half a dozen B104T shirts. Jim still wears them. All the radio stations since then, all the free stuff since then. Braves things. I think I sent him John Smoltz's uniform, and he still wears a B104.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Is that right?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

That's the most comfortable T shirt. Well, of course it's comfortable. You've been wearing it for 15 years. It's about its thinnest newsprint.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

So that's why we decided to do a smear campaign.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Oh, yeah. So as I was saying, my parents would never tell anyone on who they voted for, but they felt obligated to vote in every election. And I think if I was one of those people, then I would probably vote for that Tommy Irvin guy.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Absolutely. Whoever's doing the most smearing. That's exactly it. Now, we'll talk more about, like, your responsibility as a voter or not going if you're not educated as a voter later on today. But as far as right now goes, we put together our smear campaigns for each other and we all drew names.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Yeah, we decided that instead of all four of us trying to smear the other three, that'd be too complicated. So we just paired off. And so we. We drew names like Bert said. Bert and I are acting as if we're running against each other in some mock election. And then Jen and Jeff are doing the same.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

So these are the commercials that we would be running against each other if we were running against each other in elections on the radio. All right, I'll start off. This was my smear campaign against Melissa Carter. These are the reasons why you do not want to vote for Melissa Carter.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

When going to the polls today. Don't you think Georgia needs a solid leader? A leader that is in touch with our state's present day problems? Melissa Carter is obviously not that leader.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

I'm stuck in the 80s.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

What Georgia needs is a director that respects both men and women equally. Is Melissa Carter this director?

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Women are dumb.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Georgia needs a compassionate compass to guide our children into a secure future. Is Melissa Carter really our children's future?

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

I make children cry.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

How can we be sure of Georgia's future when Melissa Carter isn't even sure of her own future?

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

My best childbearing years are leaving me.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

And sadly, if elected, is Melissa Carter healthy enough to fulfill her commitment to Georgia?

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

I don't have enough bile in my food.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Melissa Carter. Not now, not ever. Not the right choice, paid for by anybody. But Melissa Carter campaign.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

There you go.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

You shouldn't vote for Melissa.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

I'm so worried about that bile issue.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

We're all a little worried about your bile issue. Your turn.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Yeah, my turn. I mean, similar to Burr, but I actually created the office as if it was the Secretary of education for Georgia. When it comes to the future of Atlanta, good, solid leadership is what our children need. You want a secretary of education for the state of Georgia that is willing to act, but Burt Weiss does not. The A in X stands for achievement. What about Burt Weiss?

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Most people would tell you that they have a child that poops in some random part of their house. For me, it Was the grudge.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

The C in ACT stands for compassion. What about Burt Weiss?

[Host Jeff Dollar]

I take his hand and I put it into the pumpkin and I put some of the ooky gookie stuff on his hands. He gags and then throws up.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

And the T in ACT stands for tradition. What about Bert Weiss?

[Host Jeff Dollar]

We're going to do something a little bit different at our house for Halloween. Not doing candy this year.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Do you really want Bert Weiss in charge of educating your children? Think about that when you go to the polls today.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Paid for by the Committee to Elect Melissa Carter Secretary of Education.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

All right, in our second election, it is Jen Hobby against Jeff Dollar Chen.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

Well, I didn't have Big Voice Guy do mine. Now I feel all left out. I should have had him at least voice a disclaimer. But here is my smear campaign against Jeff Dollar who is running for some sort of political office.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Yeah, I just made mine generic too.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Just a random political office.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

Can you trust a candidate with an admitted addiction? Can you trust a candidate who pays more attention to his first love than his wife? Can you really trust a candidate for political office who cannot complete or focus on on one conversation without interruption? If you answered no to any of these questions, then you cannot trust nor vote for Jeff Dollar. Jeff's admitted addiction to his BlackBerry is his first priority. Shirking his responsibility to his wife as his first love. Making him unable to complete a conversation without looking away to use his quick thumbs. How can he ever reach out to the public without ever actually having a conversation, talking on the phone or giving an actual speech? If you can handle a text only relationship with your political but don't expect Anything more from Jeff$. A CrackBerry is and always will be number one on the Jeffy do list.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

You could have used Jessica also because she came in here one day complaining about it also. So even your own family is turning.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Against you against like the Mary Perdue campaign.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

So yours is against Jen. And it is no particular campaign office here.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I didn't really make an office. It's just kind of generic. It's a state office. And you know we forgot is they all have to start with I'm Jeff Dollar and I approve this message.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

I want someone that knows success and knows Victor.

[Guest or Listener]

I want someone who is going to be thinking of me and my needs.

[Verizon Announcer]

I want someone who understands what responsibility really means.

[Guest or Listener]

I don't want Jim Hobby.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Jen Hobby doesn't know what it means to succeed. She doesn't know victory. Her myriad of blue devils only have four win in the season since her involvement. It's sad and pathetic. Nobody wants her curse brought upon this whole state. Jen Hobby doesn't think of your needs. She only thinks of herself. I want to have babies, she cries. I don't want anyone to be mad at me, she declares. What if we want to be mad at her? Then that should be our right. An independent auditor has proved that. Even though she says she wants us to save money buying jewelry, she really doesn't care. Jen Hobby doesn't know how to be responsible. She killed her Tamagotchi pet after only five days and lost it for 12 hours during that time. She's a drunk and sexual deviant. Her Jenny do list consists of movie stars and athletes. Her lifestyle is not conducive to a feeling of family.

[Guest or Listener]

I remember hearing her cuss in front of a whole group of Burt's Big Adventure kids. It was really, really bad. Ever since then, I knew I didn't want Jen Hobby representing me anywhere.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Don't learn the hard way what those that know her already know. On election day, let your voice be heard.

[Guest or Listener]

I don't want Gin Hobby paid for.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

By citizens of every city except Hobbyville.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Very good. And all the facts in there are absolutely accurate, too. The cussing in front of the VBA kids, accurate.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

I don't know about the sexual deviant part, though. Come on now.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

You cut your underwear off with scissors yesterday.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Good smear campaign.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

I think that makes you a little deviant.

[Host Jeff Dollar]

Good smear campaign. Just twist the facts a little bit. I don't know. The bird show. When you're a forward thinker, you don't just bring your A game, you bring your AI game. Workday is the AI platform that transforms the way you manage your people, money and agents. So you can transform tomorrow Workday, moving business forever forward.

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[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Oh, hey.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Welcome to gift wrapping.

[Co-host Melissa Carter]

Whoa.

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So is Saldana.

[T-Mobile Announcer 2]

Hey, can you wrap these, please?

[Guest or Listener]

Wow.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

IPhone 17s.

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You splurged at T Mobile. You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new Center Stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

I'm the worst.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I only got my mom a robe.

[T-Mobile Announcer 2]

Well, it's better than socks.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[T-Mobile Announcer 2]

No AT T Mobile there's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Incredible.

[T-Mobile Announcer 2]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Forget that.

[T-Mobile Announcer 2]

Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[Voice Actor for Smear Campaigns]

Sounds like my family drama.

[Co-host Burt Weiss]

Oh, I got it.

[T-Mobile Announcer 2]

I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with hey, where are you going?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

To T Mobile.

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