Vault: Socially Acceptable Blatant Rudeness

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Socially Acceptable Blatant Rudeness" (December 10, 2025)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the everyday phenomenon of "socially acceptable blatant rudeness"—the kinds of intrusive, insensitive, or inappropriate comments and behaviors that somehow get a pass in social situations. With their signature blend of humor and honesty, Bert, Melissa, and callers candidly share personal stories and vent about moments when people cross the line under the guise of "just being friendly" or "concerned." Topics range from food shaming and unsolicited advice to judgment around pregnancy, relationships, lifestyle, and sexual orientation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Food, Diet, and Lifestyle Policing

• Bert and Melissa kick off the conversation by venting about people who push their dietary choices (like being low-carb or vegetarian) onto others.

  • Bert jokes about "low carb Atkins freaks" and vegetarians who push their views (01:19).
  • Memorable Quote:

    "Mean angry vegetarians. You know why they're angry? Because they don't eat meat."
    — Bert (01:41)

  • The group notes that passion about personal regimens (diet, exercise) can morph into rudeness when imposed on others.

• Melissa shares her difficulty as a non-drinker due to medical reasons, especially in social situations where not drinking is questioned or shamed.

  • Melissa:

    "I have a medical condition, but there are people that choose not to drink because they don't want to drink, and that should be okay. ... It's incredibly rude for people to associate drinking with how fun a person is and can be."
    — (02:01)

2. Pregnancy—A Magnet for Invasive Comments

• Callers and hosts recount how pregnancy turns women into public property for comments and unsolicited touch.
• Notable Experiences:
  • Unwelcome belly rubbing from strangers (02:32–02:50).
    • Jessica:

      "Rudeness is when you are pregnant, and just because you are, people feel that they can come and rub your stomach... it's so annoying. Don't touch me."
      — (02:32, 02:46)

  • Jokes or rude remarks about women's size or eating habits when pregnant (04:55, 05:03).
    • Jessica:

      "Look how fat you are. ... Constantly making fun of everything you eat. 'Oh, there she is eating again.'"
      — (05:03)

  • Bert and Melissa joke about how these comments would never fly if reversed, highlighting the double standard (05:15–05:19).

3. Relationship Questions and Societal Expectations

• Listeners call in about being constantly asked about marriage, kids, and relationship milestones.
  • Pressure Theme:
    If you're dating, people ask when you're getting married; if married, when you'll have kids; if you have one kid, they ask about a second (03:15–04:07).
    • Memorable Quote:

      "People are never satisfied. If you're dating, they want you to get married. If you're married, they want you to have one kid. If you got one kid, they want you to have two."
      — Melissa (04:07)

  • Sherry describes the pressure to have a son as if daughters aren't "enough":
    • Sherry:

      "We have two beautiful daughters... and we have people constantly going, you gotta have a son. When are you gonna try for the boy? Like it's a Holy Grail or something."
      — (04:26–04:38)

4. Appearance-Based Comments—Thin and Thick Alike

• The group points out the hypocrisy in society’s tolerance of body-related remarks:
  • It’s seen as socially unacceptable to comment on someone being overweight, but okay to tell someone they’re "too skinny" (06:22–06:41).
    • Jessica:

      "You know, it's absolutely not acceptable to make fun of someone to their face because they're overweight... but, you know, it's okay to say, 'oh, you're just too skinny. You need to eat.' ... I would like to turn around and say, you know what? Your hips are getting on my nerves. Could you do something about that?"
      — (06:41)

5. Sexual Orientation and Intrusive Questions

• A listener highlights rudeness faced by lesbians when people feel entitled to ask about their sex lives.
  • Jessica:

    "Why is it when you tell somebody you're a lesbian, they immediately think that it's okay to discuss your sex life?"
    — (07:13)

  • Melissa:

    "It's rude to ask anyone who is gay what they do in bed."
    — (07:28)

  • Bert jokingly suggests distributing brochures, which Melissa rebuts with wit:
    • Melissa:

      "The only person that needs my brochure on what to do is somebody I'm gonna sleep with so they know what they're doing. You don't need my brochure. You know what I mean?"
      — (07:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Diet Policing:
  "You know why they're angry? Because they don't eat meat." — Bert (01:41)
• On Pregnancy Belly Touching:
  "Don't touch me." — Jessica (02:46)
• On Social Pressure to Marry:
  "What business is it of yours, right?" — Jessica (04:02)
• On Inappropriate Curiosity About Sexual Orientation:
  "It's rude to ask anyone who is gay what they do in bed." — Melissa (07:28)
• On Double Standards of Body Comments:
  "I would like to turn around and say, you know what? Your hips are getting on my nerves. Could you do something about that?" — Jessica (06:41)
• On Resorting to Humor:
  "There's the bitterness coming out. You ain't got nobody to sleep with me." — Bert to Melissa (07:58)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:19 – Diet and food choices as vehicles for rudeness
• 02:01 – Social shaming around not drinking alcohol
• 02:32–02:50 – Pregnancy and unwanted belly rubbing
• 03:15–04:07 – Relationship milestone pressures
• 04:26–04:45 – Pressure to have a son, gender as family "Holy Grail"
• 04:55–05:19 – Fat jokes and food shaming during pregnancy
• 06:22–06:41 – Thin-shaming as "acceptable" vs fat-shaming
• 07:13–07:39 – Invasive questions about sexual orientation

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Tone & Style

The entire episode retains the Bert Show's hallmark: candid, relatable, and peppered with sharp wit and levity, even as it touches on real frustrations. Both the hosts and callers blend openness with humor, making the episode engaging and authentic.

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Takeaway:
"Socially acceptable" rudeness often goes unchecked—from food choices and personal lifestyle to family planning and sexual orientation. The episode draws a line in the sand, using humor and honesty to call out these everyday micro-aggressions and affirm everyone's right to set boundaries.

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Transcript

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[Bert]

The Birch show we're venting about these, you know, low carb Atkins freaks. You know, the people who preach, you know, they'll get, you know, the, the two pound steak, but they won't touch a potato because, you know, whatever. And then they try to push that on everybody else. And then that expanded into the freakish vegetarians who do the same thing.

[Melissa]

Very mean vegetarians.

[Bert]

Mean angry vegetarians. You know why they're angry? Because they don't eat meat.

[Melissa]

They're hungry.

[Bert]

I'd be angry too if the only thing I had was broccoli. So then Melissa started venting about the people who assume that it's okay to force booze on her because she, you know, with her bad kidneys, she's only allowed to have about a drink and a half a month.

[Melissa]

Yeah, and I mean not. I shouldn't even have that. I think the thing that frustrates me being A former drinker is that if somebody. And you know, I have a medical condition, but there are people that choose not to drink because they don't want to drink, and that should be okay. And I think that when I go out and socialize with my friends, even there are some of my friends who give me a hard time about not drinking. And I just think it's incredibly rude for people to associate drinking with how fun a person is and can be.

[Bert]

Hey, Jessica, share with us your story of socially acceptable blatant rudeness.

[Jessica]

Rudeness is when you are pregnant, and just because you are, people feel that they can come and rub your stomach.

[Melissa]

I haven't experienced that yet, but that is so true.

[Bert]

Just, oh, look at the babies in there. And put both the hands down the stomach. Yes.

[Jessica]

And it's so annoying. Don't touch me.

[Bert]

I don't get, like, I think I'm gonna have a problem with this. But you know how you have a baby that's in the stroll or whatever, and you're walking through, you know, whatever mall you're walking through, and there's, you know, the baby's being pushed in the stroller, and strangers come up and go, oh, look at the baby. And stick their dirty old paws in the stroller. Like, you know what? Like, the baby's gonna grab onto that finger, and, you know, the hand's gonna end up in the baby's mouth. That's nasty. Thanks for the call, Jessica.

[Melissa]

We used to always get it when Ryan and I dated for probably five and a half years before we even got engaged. Almost seven when we got married. So before we got engaged, it was, when are you gonna get married? When are you gonna get married? Why aren't you guys getting married?

[Bert]

Amanda's 100% with you on that.

[Jessica]

Yeah, that's the one that drives me crazy. My boyfriend and I have been together for. Lived together three and a half years, and never fails. We sit down to eat dinner or we go out with friends, and they're like, so, when are you getting married? I'm sitting there going, okay, we both firmly believe in not screwing up a good thing. Back off.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Jessica]

And it's always turns into some huge, well, you know, you want to have kids and blah, blah, blah. And you're sitting there going, no, we don't. We're perfectly happy with what we've got going on. Leave us alone.

[Melissa]

Right? You know, Bert, go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Jessica]

No, I was just going to say, it always turns into a big ordeal. And I'm sitting there going, what business is it of yours, Right?

[Melissa]

Bert has made this comment several times. Because people are never satisfied. If you're dating, they want you to get married. If you're married, they want you to have one kid. If you got one kid, they want you to have two. And in my case, once you're broken up, my. You know, people are pressuring me on when I'm going to have sex again. I mean, everybody wants you to do something different than what you're doing.

[Bert]

Hey, Sherry, you can relate to the kid thing.

[Jessica]

Oh, for sure. We have two beautiful daughters. They're both healthy, they're both wonderful people. And we have people constantly going, you gotta have a son. When are you gonna try for the boy?

[Bert]

Right?

[Jessica]

When are you gonna try for the boy? Like it's a Holy Grail or something.

[Melissa]

Like, if you don't have one, your life won't ever be fulfilled.

[Jessica]

Oh, I know. I'll be so incomplete, right?

Anyways, thanks.

[Bert]

Thanks for the call, Sherry. Hey, Maria.

[Announcer]

Hi.

[Jessica]

I have another pregnancy. One.

[Bert]

Yeah, that's the running theme here is pregnant people.

[Jessica]

It is when you're pregnant, everybody all of a sudden thinks they can make jokes about how fat you are.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Jessica]

I haven't seen you in a while. Look how fat you are. Look how you are. Oh, no. Constantly making fun of everything you eat. Oh, there she is eating again.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's not. But I'll be sure to do that to Jen when she gets pregnant.

[Bert]

Right? Oh, look at her. She's obviously eating for two.

Hey, thanks for the call, Maria. J.R. you're up.

[Jessica]

Hey, man. The gym rat.

[Bert]

Yeah, the muscle heads at the gym.

[Jessica]

Who'S always trying to get you into the gym. And I had one guy come out and tell me you really need to hit the gym. Like, I don't know that.

[Melissa]

Yeah, and that's. You know, we talked about the Atkins diet, you know, and people who are really. Once they get into a routine, which is diet or exercise, and they're really disciplined, and then they get obsessed with it and it becomes overboard. And I agree with you. There's some people I've known that are just in the gym all the time, and, yeah, it kind of makes you uncomfortable after a while.

[Bert]

Christy, taking us back to the pregnant people.

[Jessica]

Hey, I've got one. When you're pregnant, no matter how pregnant you are, and people say, oh, my gosh, you look like you're about to.

[Melissa]

And you're like, hello, I'm only five months long.

[Bert]

And then, see, then the opposite side of that with Michelle.

[Jessica]

Hi.

[Melissa]

Hi, Michelle.

[Jessica]

My pet peeve is making comments to people that are a little bit on the thin side, saying, oh, my God, you need to eat. You're so skinny. You make me sick.

[Melissa]

I would say producer Tracy would probably try chime in on that one.

[Bert]

Yeah. Is this Michelle?

[Melissa]

She's too skinny.

[Bert]

Or is this Tracy with a handkerchief over the phone? So he has a voice.

[Jessica]

You know, it's absolutely not acceptable to make fun of someone to their face because they're overweight or a little bit large. But, you know, it's okay to say, oh, you're just too skinny. You need to eat. And I would like to turn around and say, you know what? Your hips are getting on my nerves. Could you do something about that?

[Melissa]

Right.

[Jessica]

But it's not acceptable to say it.

[Bert]

Yeah, your hips are getting on my nerves. God, I gotta. You know, I gotta be really honest with you. That spare tire of yours is bugging the hell out of me.

[Jessica]

Hey, Phyllis, I know Melissa can relate to this.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Why is it when you tell somebody you're a lesbian, they immediately think that it's okay to discuss your sex life?

[Melissa]

Agreed. And that, I mean, I think that's. I'm feeling that a lot more lately than I have before. But, yeah, I think for some reason, they're fascinated by my personal.

[Jessica]

What do you do?

[Melissa]

Exactly. What do two women do together? It's like, okay, what do you and your wife do in bed? Like, yeah, exactly. That's true. It's rude. It's rude to ask anyone who is gay what they do in bed.

[Bert]

Hey, Phyllis, thank you so much for the call.

[Jessica]

It may be fascinating.

[Melissa]

Just don't ask about it. Yeah, because then you have to give up your every little detail of what you do.

[Bert]

Well, you gay people should put up brochures. Like, you should put up booths at fairs and stuff and put them up. You know what?

[Melissa]

The only person that needs my brochure on what to do is somebody I'm gonna sleep with so they know what they're doing. You don't need my brochure. You know what I mean?

[Bert]

There's the bitterness coming out. You ain't got nobody to sleep with me.

[Melissa]

It's almost Valentine's Day.

[Jessica]

I haven't had sleep since Super Bowl.

[Melissa]

People force me to try to drink.

[Bert]

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