The Bert Show: "Vault: The Bathroom Double Standard"

Air Date: February 12, 2026
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This lively episode of The Bert Show delves into the everyday yet hilarious battles surrounding bathroom products and routines shared between men and women. The hosts engage in a candid, laugh-filled debate over the notorious "bathroom double standard"—specifically, the often-unspoken rules (or lack thereof) about sharing razors, clippers, loofahs, and fancy shampoos. Listeners and hosts haggle over who borrows what, draw mock “legal lines” in the sand, and expose the sacrifices neither side is truly willing to make.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Argument: The “Bathroom Law” Proposal

• [02:01] Stacy: Proposes a “law” about sharing bathroom products, fearing that if women give up using men’s clippers on other parts of their bodies, men might lose access to women's desirable "chick products" like scented body wash and loofahs.

  • ★ Quote: “My fear is that if we make the law for women, then the side of this for guys, that will go away is that we won’t be able to use any of your cool chick products in the shower.” [02:25 – Stacy]

• Both sexes admit to “borrowing” each other’s stuff: men love loofahs and expensive body wash, while women prefer men’s razors and clippers for legs and… other places.

The Razor and Clippers Dilemma

• [03:06] Stacy: Laments the “offense” of having his electric facial razor used for purposes below the belt by female partners.
  • Panelists argue about fairness—if men don't want their razors used for “other parts,” women should keep their specialty products private, too.

Double Standards & Hypocrisy

• Discussion on men using women’s razors, shampoo, deodorant out of necessity, but not by choice.

  • [03:43] Female Panelist 1: “If a guy forgets something, will he use a woman’s razor if he needs to shave?”
  • Male Panelist 1: “Yes. Or deodorant or moisturizer or shampoo...”

• [04:45] Male Panelist 1: Points out that if guys have to buy their own clippers, women should have to buy their own “fancy” shampoo and not waste his expensive products.

The Value of Men’s Razors (and Sneaky Solutions)

• [06:07] Caller Tony: Calls in to describe his years-long struggle with his wife stealing his razor, despite him buying her any razor she wants.

  • Solution: Tony keeps a decoy razor out and keeps his real one hidden under the sink.
  • ★ Quote: “Now she thinks she’s using my razor, and she’s actually using her own, and I keep mine hidden.” [06:59 – Caller Tony]

• Both hosts and callers agree that men’s razors often work better for shaving legs, and women admit to buying men’s razors themselves.

• [07:37] Male Panelist 2: “The inventor of the Mach 3 should get a Nobel Peace Prize… greatest blade ever.”

Ridiculousness of Modern Razors & Gender Marketing

• Humor around razors with “too many blades” and added gimmicks like vibration.
  • [08:15] Andy: Accidentally bought a vibrating razor, realized it made a difference, but can’t figure out why.
  • [07:54] Stacy: “With the amount of blades they’re putting on a razor now, it’s just getting ridiculous.”

Gendered Sharing and Intimacy

• [08:28] Caller Jesse: “I definitely think that the women shouldn’t be using… the clippers or whatever, to use it down there and then give it back and expect men to use it on their face.”
  • [08:49] Male Panelist 1: “Thank you! I mean, you clean it off?”
  • [08:50] Stacy: “Not really, no. Y’all don’t do a good job of cleaning that thing off at all."

The “Trust Exercise” – Couples and Shared Grooming

• [08:54] Andy: Shares his long-distance relationship story: he and his girlfriend plan to manscape for each other next time they meet—a weird but intimate trust exercise.
  • “You agree to [this] at 11 o’clock at night when you’re on the phone… How can we spice things up?” [09:18 – Andy]

Flipping the Script: Women’s Annoyances

• [10:52] Caller Jesse: “My fiancé is the one that uses my razor, so…it’s the opposite.” She’s not sure which body part her fiancé’s hair comes from, causing her own hygiene suspicions.

• [11:22] Stacy: “You gotta be completely sober to do that... No alcohol in your system for two weeks before you use a razor down there.”

The Unreachable Compromise

• The group concludes that neither side is really willing to make sacrifices. The temptation of each other’s products is too great, so nobody wants to draw a hard line.

  • [10:32] Stacy: “Are we agreeing that there can be no agreement? Because the sacrifice of us not being able to use your shampoos and soaps and all that stuff is too much of a sacrifice.”
  • [10:40] Female Panelist 1: “Yeah, you can’t demand one thing and not sacrifice the other.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Stacy [02:25]: “My fear is that if we make the law for women, then the side of this for guys... is that we won’t be able to use any of your cool chick products in the shower.”
• Male Panelist 2 [03:19]: “If you agree not to use what we put on our face on other parts of your body, we won’t scrub our testicles with your loofah that you’re gonna exfoliate your face with.”
• Caller Tony [06:59]: “Now she thinks she’s using my razor, and she’s actually using her own, and I keep mine hidden.”
• Male Panelist 2 [07:37]: “The inventor of the Mach 3 should get a Nobel Peace Prize… greatest blade ever.”
• Andy [09:18]: “It’s one of those things that, like, you agree to at 11 o’clock at night when you’re on the phone... how can we spice things up?”
• Stacy [10:32]: “Are we agreeing that there can be no agreement? Because the sacrifice... is too much.”

Timed Segment Highlights

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:01 | Stacy proposes the "bathroom law"—debate on product-sharing fairness | | 03:06 | The outrage of discovering “borrowed” electric razors used below the belt | | 04:45 | Tit-for-tat: If guys have to buy clippers, women have to buy own shampoo | | 06:07 | Caller Tony's decoy razor solution | | 07:37 | Praise for men’s razors – “should get a Nobel Peace Prize” | | 08:54 | Andy’s long-distance “couples manscaping” story | | 10:32 | Concluding: Neither side willing to make sacrifices—compromise unreachable |

Tone and Style

• Playful, candid, and teasing: The hosts and callers poke fun at each other's habits in good-natured banter.
• Relatable and honest: Listeners will recognize themselves or their partners in these common bathroom squabbles.
• Engaging and lighthearted: Even as they discuss “gross” realities, the mood remains jovial throughout.

This episode artfully exposes the comedy and genuine connection behind the “bathroom double standard”—reminding listeners that, when it comes to sharing our most personal spaces (and products), the struggle is real, but maybe so is the affection behind each little theft.