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A
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.
B
Zoey, this thing weighs a ton.
C
Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.
A
Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?
B
He's talking to you britches. I'm not.
A
Of course he did.
B
Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here.
C
He handles the nice list.
B
And elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?
A
Hi, Mrs. Claus. Claus, much younger sister. And AT T mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch, so you can keep your old phone or give.
C
It as a gift.
A
And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.
B
Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in U.S. cellular stores with sweetheart monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 vice connection charge credits and imbalance too. If you pay off earlier, cancel finance agreement to 256 gigs. $830. Eligible for in a new line, $100 plus a month plan with auto payments, taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.
A
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B
The Burch show. Now Melissa was telling Jen and I a story earlier and this is. I mean, brace yourselves, women. And you know what?
A
It's an anomaly. Actually.
B
I'm gonna stand up for this guy because I'm required to, but there is a man in Atlanta just doesn't get it.
A
I know, I know. It's amazing. I couldn't believe the story because you never Hear that?
B
Right.
A
But last night I called a friend of mine, and I don't want to use her real name, so. What? Make a what? Claire Clay.
B
Claire. Oh, God. That was her real name.
A
I love the name Claire you got. Oh, it's a great name. So, Claire. So we'll call her Claire. So called Claire last night, and you can tell when someone is preoccupied at the moment with something. Like they're just. They're. They're not finished reacting to something that has just happened to them. So she seemed frustrated when she answered the phone, and she said, I just got a call from this guy, and it's. And I don't want to use his real name. So what's a guy name?
B
Phineas.
A
No, Joey. Joey. Okay, Claire and Joey. Let me write that down because I'll forget. Okay, so Claire and Joey. So I called Claire last night. So she had said that she just got this call from Joey and she just let it go to voicemail. And she goes, I cannot believe that he is still calling me. And I'm like, well, what's the story? I had never heard of this guy. And I want to say it was before the holiday. I'm not exactly sure when they went out, but a friend of hers had set her up with this guy, said, oh, you know, he's a great guy. Know him, and I think y' all would get along well. So they went to lunch. You know, the first. You know, the first meeting usually is always a lunch thing. So they go to lunch, have a good time, you know, good conversation. But she realized at that time that this is just not my type of guy, you know, no big deal. So he, you know, called her after the lunch and asked her back out, and she's, you know, was not available to go out. And. And she's the type of woman who's, you know, really nice. She doesn't want, you know, I guess, like, most of you don't want confrontation, especially with someone that you barely know. So why add the drama? Exactly. Just kind of, you know, say you're not available, but thanks so much. And then he asked again, and she, you know, I'm not available, but thanks. So she. That was her first, like, okay, she was never available after that lunch.
B
So then he kept saying, I actually did have conversations. And she just said, that day doesn't work out. Sorry, I'm busy that night. I got plans with my friend that afternoon.
A
And.
B
And they did talk.
A
They did talk in the beginning. And, you know, and I'm sure. Well, of course, I. For Women, you also, there's a level of enthusiasm, you know, like, if you're really interested in somebody, you kind of bring, you know, have this high energy with them and, oh, I'm sorry, you know, that I'm not available that night. But maybe, whatever. But she didn't do that. I mean, it was a very. Just plain, oh, you know, I can't. But thanks. He should have gotten the hint. Exactly. That's what she thought. So then he kept calling. So she didn't. She just didn't return his calls. Now through the high. And then when she got surprised, was like, he would call her on Thanksgiving. He called through December, he called on Christmas Day, and she didn't call him back. And he kept calling and kept calling. So last night he had called again, and she said, it looks like I'm going to have to call him and tell, you know, she's like, what should I do? And I'm like, he's obviously not getting the subtle hint, so you're going to have to call him and, and just be straightforward. I said, you know, don't backtrack into the, you know, like, you start feeling bad for him and start trying to make excuses or say, well, maybe, you know, we'd just be friends and blah, blah, blah. Just be, you know, straightforward.
B
Look, but she said, why didn't she. If it's bothering her, why didn't she add six weeks ago?
A
Well, I just wanted to be nice. She thought he'd get the hint. She thought he'd get the hint. And over the holidays, I mean, everybody was so busy that she, her, you know, priority was not going to be to call, you know, Joey back.
B
What if Joey is thinking, oh, she must just be busy over the holidays.
A
Nice try, Jeff. Okay, so, yeah, I'm not going to.
B
Defend him too much because I. Yeah.
A
Yeah, come on, come on now.
B
If you said, there's more. If you said he was going for two or three weeks, I'd be right there with him.
A
Two or three months.
B
Yeah.
A
Okay. So then she said, so last night. So I. And I take afternoons naps in the afternoon. So I had talked to her before my afternoon nap. So she said, okay, I'm going to call him. And so I'm like, well, you know, I'm going to turn my phone off, but you've got to let me know what happens. She said, I'll leave you voicemail. So then she, I, when I woke up, I checked my voicemail and she said, oh, my God. And so I called her back, like, what happened? Oh, God. So she said, you know, she called him and, you know, hey, Joey, it's Claire. And, you know, hey, what's been going on? And he. And I'm not sure exactly how, you know, the beginning of the conversation started, but he went into, oh, yeah, well, you know, the holidays were kind of rough because, you know, my dad's in the hospital. And then he went on about how his mom is sick, too. And so he went on about very sad occurrences in his life over the holidays. And so then she's thinking, well, I can't just all of a sudden be mean to him. No. But she thought, no, I'm going to. No, I'm going to do this. And so she said, you know what? I just wanted to call to let you know. I mean, I know I received your phone calls. We had lunch a few months ago, but I'm just not really interested in a relationship with you. And so then his response was, so what you're saying is you're not interested now? It was not good for you, man.
B
Stay in the game.
A
And she's like, what do I have to do to get this guy?
B
If you're on your feet, you still got some fighting yet.
A
I mean, you know, so. And I'm not. I'm not sure how anybody's pretty much like, yeah, well, no, I'm really. I'm not interested. And so. But she's not sure if he got the hint. I mean, that was last night, right? Now, like, maybe later, maybe if I call you in a month from now, maybe If I wait 24 hours. It's almost like, how are you gonna feel in six months? I mean, do you think you can have feelings for me in six months?
B
I mean, I got Kelly on the phone, and up on my screen it says her comments. Claire doesn't get it. Guys don't get subtle hints. Do you still feel that way, Kelly?
C
Exactly. You just can't play these little guessing games with guys. Like you said earlier, tell the guy up front, what if she felt that she didn't have anything for him on the first date? You say, look, I enjoyed the night or the afternoon or lunch or whatever. But, you know, just things aren't clicking, you know, you're a great person, but I just don't feel anything between us.
A
Did you hear?
C
It's like, subtle.
A
Come on. But did you hear when she was direct with him, what he said?
C
Yeah, but it's like, you know, this is after she strung him along all this time. How did she string him along?
A
I mean, she how did she string him along?
C
She should have told him on the first date. We weren't clicking. You know, I'm, you know, I appreciate you taking me out or, you know, if they went Dutch or whatever, but, you know, come on. If you're not feeling it, let them know. Don't waste their time.
B
You know what I mean?
C
Specifically, don't waste her time.
A
Hey, it's. Not yet. Because the one thing I disagree with, what you just said about don't waste his time time. I mean, it's two people in her. Her presence is just as important as his. So, like, I think there's some responsibility on his side to, you know, like. Because the idea that a guy has that he's going to try and try and try and try and try, I just think is irresponsible. I think you just have to, you.
C
Know, hold on, get the hint. But, you know, most guys don't get quote, unquote hints. They need it flat out up front, honestly.
B
All right, Kelly, can you hold on? Because I have an idea here, and I think you might be the perfect person to help with this. So can you hold on for a few more minutes? Okay, hold on. Hey, Amanda.
C
Hey, how are you?
B
Hey. See, now fight for the guy, okay?
C
He might just be trying to get her, and she may not just be ready yet. Because my mom and dad, when they were younger, he did the same thing to my mom. He chased after, like, six months. He even showed up, like, in the 60s, 70s, and this big yellow daisy on his shirt with black and purple striped pants. And she's like, I'm not gonna date this guy. They've been married for 30 years now.
B
See, you know what? I hope the guys. Listen, Joey. I hope persistence pays high.
A
Wear the woman down until she has to give in. That just doesn't sound right. And what you were saying before about how he. When he saw that Claire was calling, he picked up the phone and went into all these bad stories. Immediately went into, like, sob, sob, sob. Okay, now what do you have to say? Because I even said that to her last night. I said, obviously, if you were calling him, then he must have realized something may not go right because obviously he had it in the back of his mind that she's not interested or he would not have gone in, launched into feel sorry for me first. And then try to talk to me, you know, and say you don't want me.
B
What you don't understand, and I hope Greg will back me up, is guys don't. Guys aren't capable of that multi level thought like that, you know what that is? That's conniving. And guys don't have the conniving gene the way women do.
A
Look at you, Jeff$greg, help me.
C
You're exactly right.
B
Thank you. This is typical of a lot of.
C
Women that I've dated around Atlanta. They just think that, you know, that we're supposed to be able to have be this perfect little mind reader and when actually they should just come out and say, look, hey, you know, appreciate dinner, but, you know, you just, we ain't great, let's be friends. But instead they imply this little whatever they got in their brain that, you know, we're supposed to catch this little freaky little hint that they've got when they can just come out and freaking.
A
Say it's point blank.
C
Just open your mind.
A
Let me ask you a question. A freaky little hint like no return phone call for two months. What, what about that?
B
Don't you get, maybe she was busy.
C
Maybe she said she was busy.
B
The holidays.
C
If you didn't have point blank, there's no sense in beating around the bush. If you don't want to go out, maybe just say it. I'm a person, you're a person. We both live here, we both got mouth and lungs. Just say it. Easier that way.
A
Greg, let me just tell you, okay, If a girl doesn't call you back for a couple of months, she's just not that into you.
C
Oh yeah, I agree with that. But still, I mean, there's no sense in not beating, not being direct. There's no sense of beating around the bush.
A
If a woman is just calling a guy and calling a guy and calling a guy, is he really straightforward and says, you know what? No, he calls her psycho behind her back.
B
All right, here's what we got. Kelly, are you back?
C
I'm here.
B
All right, Kelly, tell me if you want to help out with this because this is where, this is what I think we do with this because I, you know, we're going to go back and forth and should she have said something, whatever. I mean, that's a debate. That's going to be one of those debates that we have that ends in a stalemate. I think what we need to do is we need to step up and help Claire, right? Because Claire is a friend of Melissa's and you know, came to Melissa with this problem. So we are going to step up, we're going to help Claire and in.
A
Helping Claire, we're probably going to help a lot of people around Atlanta both Men and women in the same situation. Yeah. What are we doing?
B
I've got a blank pad in front of me. We've got all of us in the room, we've got Kelly. We're gonna get other listeners to help out. And I think we need to write a Dear Joey letter. So here's like, and this is my thought. And the callers will write the letter line by line. And we will in the end have a two or three paragraph letter that simply says, get away from me, creepy man. And it can also be a plain color.
C
Oh, but does it need to be two or three paragraphs? Come on, one sentence. I'm just not that into you.
B
That will definitely be a line and letter.
C
That's to the point.
B
That will definitely be a line and letter. So, Kelly, think of your line. Well, you know what? That is your line. I'm just not that into you. I'm gonna set the tone with the first line. That's gonna be harsh and it's gonna be attention getting. And that's going to be the tone of this letter.
A
Okay?
B
And then in a couple of paragraphs, we'll have a complete letter. Bam. Ready to go. We'll put it on the Internet.
A
So everybody on the phone should have a sentence to add to the letter?
B
Yes. And we'll go around the room first. I'll start, then Jen, Melissa, and then we'll go to the callers. All right, so first line. Dear Joey, comma, grasp your ears firmly. Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.
A
Your number has already been programmed. Do not answer in my cell phone. That's what comes up when it rings. I'm not interested. Do not contact me again.
B
Melissa.
A
And what I mean by again is I never You. No. How did I put it? What I mean by again is you never have a chance with me ever.
B
What I mean by never again is that you never have a chance with me ever. You want ever in caps.
A
Yes.
B
So what are you trying to say?
A
So when you mean by ever, do you mean like six months or eight? No, ever.
B
But there's still a slight chance. Okay.
A
Phil, you got one.
B
Because I don't get it. He's a guy. Oh, I could frame this letter and I'd still be like. So you're trying to say you wrote me a letter, you like me? We'll go. Ready for time. We'll start with line one. Yasmine, give us the next line.
C
I'm going to be very blunt. I didn't like you then. I don't like you now, and I'm not gonna like you in a couple of months from now. Perfect.
A
Good. Very good.
B
Didn't like you then. I'm not gonna be able to type this. We'll have to go back to the tape. I didn't like you then, I don't like you now, and I won't like you in a couple of months from now. Thank you.
C
You're welcome.
B
Jennifer.
C
Joey, I do not want you ever, never contact me again or I will call the police.
B
Let's see, we got to get rid of Larry because he's a guy, and then Drew's got to go, too. Sorry. Katie, you're up?
C
Yeah. Yes. You need to just tell Joey flat out I'm not interested. Never will be. Don't have any time for you. And my cell phone number will be changed.
A
I like it.
B
Thank you very much. So when you change your cell phone, will you call me and let me know what the new number is?
A
It seems like. You know, Jeff, I don't think that it needs to be a couple paragraphs because I think I'm getting the reoccurring theme.
B
Hey, Drew, you're up.
C
Okay. While your dogged perseverance is flattering, yet a little scary, I am not interested.
A
You know, I would shave that down to I'm not interested. Because when you bring up the flattering part, all he's going to catch is flattering.
C
Hope you're right.
A
And that creates hope.
B
We have to. Yeah, we have to review the letter to make sure there's not one little shining.
A
It was a great suggestion, but you have to, because that. Then you. It's the. The female trap of going back. Backpedaling into being nice. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but. But, I mean, it was flattering so that I'm kind of candy coating it for you. But I don't want to see you.
B
From a guy's point of view. When you send this letter, it must be typed out. The general basic text. Don't put any frills in it. Don't put any, like, anything. It must be basic New Times Roman text. Don't even. You sign it. Just print your name. Because if we get a handwritten letter or if we get a letter that's, you know, it looks like you changed the font or the style. I'm gonna take that as she spent the time to change it. So that means at least she was thinking about me. To make it fun and creative.
A
See the. See and I mean, yeah, don't even.
B
Print it on A blank sheet of paper. Put it on the back of your phone.
A
Because I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying to enter the mind. Well, it's. It's hard to enter the mind of a guy because it's very small, not much room. And so. And she. And my friend Claire is very attractive. So I have a feeling that this guy is. All he is seeing is, you know. You know, he's attracted to her. Here's an object of affection that I want to conquer. Right. And that he's got his mindset on one thing.
B
Hey, Kelly, you get the next line.
C
Yes. Please do not contact me again and I will not be forced to get a restraining order on.
B
Hey, Roxanna.
A
Yes.
C
My line is, joey, have you ever heard of Lorena Bobbitt?
B
He might see that as an opportunity. So she's thinking about my junk.
A
Exactly. She would have to unzip my pants in order to get there. And there's an opportunity. I can change her mind.
B
All right, let's do. Let's send. You guys have anything else to add in the room? Because if not, we're gonna take. We'll do just two more lines.
A
How does she end it? Is what I want to know. Like the salutation at the end. Goodbye. Because if you say, take care, you.
B
Know, thank you for your time.
A
Thank you. Yeah. Sincerely. Sincerely. No, no, goodbye.
B
What about, here's to never talking to you again?
A
That's good.
B
Like, is that good? Comma. And then click.
A
I like that.
B
Would that work? Is that a good conclusion? Okay, and then.
A
And when you say never, mean never ever or just never. Right now.
B
You know, we wouldn't. You know what? I'm gonna leave. The whole last paragraph is going to one woman. Nicole. Hey, Nicole, wrap it up.
C
Okay, this the last line I need to put. I only have three words for you. Joey. No means no.
A
That's what you need to put it.
C
Need to be the last mine. No means no.
B
Perfect. Here's to never talking to you again, comma, Claire. And then just to make sure he really gets it, a P.S. from Vivian.
C
P.S. my jealous ex boyfriend is getting out of jail. The murder conviction was overturned. He puts it back in the Burch Show.
A
Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.
B
Zoe. This thing weighs a ton.
C
Drew Ski. Lift with your legs, man.
A
Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?
B
He's talking to you, britches. I'm not.
A
Of course he did.
B
Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here.
C
He handles the nice list.
B
And elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right Mrs. Claus hi.
A
Mrs. Claus, Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch, so you can keep your old phone or give.
C
It as a gift.
A
And the best part? You can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.
B
Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with three for monthly bill credits for what qualified customers plus tax $35 advice connection charge credit sentinel balance due if you pay off earlier case and financing agreements 256 gigs $830 eligible for in a new line $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.
A
Visit t mobile.com this is the new Weight Watchers. It works for members like Jojo, who's learning simple, healthy habits, Sharia, who's making progress with meds, and Kim, who still gets to eat what she loves. For over 60 years, we've helped millions of members find what works for them. Now it's your turn. Watch your life open up. Watch your story shift. Watch what you're capable of. Watch it work.
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Release Date: December 29, 2025
Podcast by: Pionaire Podcasting
This episode of The Bert Show centers around a relatable and often frustrating dating dilemma: what happens when someone refuses to acknowledge repeated, subtle rejections and just won't take the hint? The cast and their listeners weigh in with their take on directness, subtlety, and whose responsibility it is to make intentions clear in the world of modern dating. The discussion is sparked by a story from Melissa about her friend—pseudonymously called "Claire"—and a persistent suitor dubbed "Joey."
In classic Bert Show fashion, the team offers humor, honesty, and listener participation, culminating in a collaborative, tongue-in-cheek "Dear Joey" letter to help Claire (and anyone else in her shoes) shut down unwelcome advances with unmistakable clarity.
“She called him and said… ‘I’m just not really interested in a relationship with you.’ And so then his response was, ‘So what you’re saying is you’re not interested now?’”
—Melissa, [06:41–06:46]
“If a girl doesn’t call you back for a couple of months, she’s just not that into you.”
—Melissa, [11:11]
“While your dogged perseverance is flattering, yet a little scary, I am not interested.”
—Drew (caller), critiqued for potentially being too nice, [15:30–15:44]
“P.S. My jealous ex-boyfriend is getting out of jail. The murder conviction was overturned.”
—Vivian (caller), [18:36]
On Male Obviousness:
“Guys don’t have the conniving gene the way women do.”
—Jeff, [10:11]
On Letter Tone:
“From a guy’s point of view, when you send this letter... don’t put any frills in it. Basic New Times Roman text. Don’t even sign it, just print your name.”
—Jeff, [16:02–16:28]
On the Core Message:
“Here’s to never talking to you again.”
—Bert, [17:50]
The episode delivers classic Bert Show energy: honest, funny, and listener-driven. The group grapples with universal questions about modern dating—when to be nice, when to be blunt, and why so many people seem to struggle with (or simply ignore) social cues. The cast’s collaborative “Dear Joey” letter is both cathartic and hilarious, providing a model for how to face uncomfortable conversations with unambiguous honesty.
For anyone who's been on either side of the dating "hints" equation, or just wants a good laugh at the awkwardness of modern romance, this episode is both relatable and delightfully on-brand.