Vault: This Teacher Wants To Go Wild For The Summer

Summary

Episode Overview

Main Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show centers on Denise, a first-year teacher who feels she's missed out on the carefree side of youth—having spent her academic years focused on schoolwork instead of partying or social experiences. Now at 25, inspired by her students' excitement for summer and her best friend's encouragement, Denise is ready to "go wild" and experience what she feels she missed. The segment is both supportive and playful, with the hosts offering tips, advice, and a bit of creative coaching to help Denise make the most of her summer.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Denise's Story: A Life Less Wild

• Background: Denise calls in with her voice disguised, explaining she's worked hard all her life, skipped parties, and has never been drunk.
  [00:40]
  • "I never was a party girl...I've never been drunk in my entire life...I'm now a first-year teacher straight out of college." – Denise [E]
• Realization: Watching her students prepare for college makes her feel she missed out.
  [01:34]
  • "I see my students...getting ready to go off to college...and I realized that I never really got to have a good time." – Denise [E]
• Desire for Change: Denise wants to "let her hair down," have fun, and experience life outside her comfort zone over the summer.
  [01:54]
  • "I'm ready to kind of let my hair down and be wild and have some fun this summer." – Denise [E]

Hosts' Reactions: Support & Warnings

• Quarter-Life Crisis Comparison:
  [03:13]
  • "It sounds like the quarter life crisis that we talk about." – Host [B]
• Not Too Late:
  [03:27]
  • "You're 25, so, I mean, you're not too late to be able to enjoy yourself, you know?" – Host [D]
• Practical Warning:
  [03:37]
  • "Be careful, because you said you've never even been drunk before...it's not gonna take very much." – Host [C]
  • "You're gonna be with people you trust, right?" – Host [D]
  • "Yeah, absolutely." – Denise [E]

The Summer 'Checklist' Brainstorm

• Encouragement to Make a List:
  [04:41]
  • "I think you could put together, like, a summer checklist." – Host [C]
• Sample Checklist Items:
  • Go clubbing and visit new venues
  • Date or start a summer fling
  • "Meet a hot guy and just do everything that I haven't let myself do since I was 10." – Denise [E] [04:49]
  • Try things like getting a piercing (listener suggestion)
    • "I just felt so naughty. It was great." – Suzanne [G], listener [08:15]
  • Do an all-nighter (not for studying)
    • "No, no, no. That's what we're talking about...going out and partying...then hit a deck bar somewhere or go to a beach and do an all nighter." – Host [B] [08:45]
  • Try day-drinking ("start at noon, get a table outside all day.") – Host [C]

Crowd-Sourcing Ideas & Community Involvement

• Listener Insights:
  • A teacher calls in to say it's better to party after achieving career stability.
    • "It is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it." – Susan [F], listener [06:43]
    • "Don't regret what you didn't do. You did it in the right order." – Susan [F] [06:44]
  • Another listener suggests the "lesson plan" be shared on the website, with crowd-sourced wild ideas.
    • "I think you should put it on your website...for example, I think she should get a piercing." – Suzanne [G] [07:39]

Light Humor & Memorable Banter

• Imagining Denise as a Cliché 'Teacher Gone Wild':
  • "I don't know why, but I'm imagining her in a music video with her hair up in a tight bun and some horn rimmed glasses on..." – Host [C] [00:08]
  • "Are you also imagining it's 1985 and you're watching Van Halen?" – Host [A] [00:18]
• Alcohol Advice:
  • "There's a drink called Jagermeister that'll really help you ramp up without getting too hammered too quickly." – Host [A] [05:58]
    • Denise: "A lot of people get really sick off of that." [E] [06:08]

Planning for Follow-Up

• Check-Ins Promised:
  • "Let us put together Like a wild child 101 list for you, and let's meet back in a couple of days...and then we'll follow you through the entire summer." – Host [B] [09:43]
• Predictions:
  • "One of two things is going to happen. You're either going to love this life and you may never be able to look back again, or you're absolutely going to hate it and realize that you haven't missed a damn thing..." – Host [B] [10:00]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I'm ready to kind of let my hair down and be wild and have some fun this summer." – Denise [01:54]
• "I just felt so naughty. It was great." – Suzanne, listener [08:15]
• "It is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it." – Susan, listener [06:43]
• "I think you need to get a wild friend. I think that needs to be like on the top of your checklist." – Host [C] [06:57]
• "She doesn't even know where to go...maybe we need to find a virtual listener that can call us every week with a homework assignment." – Host [B] [07:24]
• "I just want to have a good time and not feel guilty about it. Truly." – Denise [05:51]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Denise’s Introduction & Background: 00:25 – 02:58
• Hosts Discuss Quarter-Life Crisis & Offer Support: 03:13 – 03:37
• Checklist Brainstorming: 04:41 – 05:51
• Listeners Share Advice & Ideas: 06:18 – 08:19
• Checklist Ideas Expand (piercings, all-nighters, day drinking): 08:15 – 09:12
• Planning Next Steps & Community Involvement: 09:43 – End (10:12)

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Conclusion

This episode is a lighthearted but genuine look at navigating the balance between responsibility and living life fully. Denise’s vulnerability sparks camaraderie, both from the Bert Show cast and their listeners, resulting in real-time brainstorming and support. The hosts promise to follow up with her "wild child summer" and encourage audience involvement, setting the tone for a season-long light-hearted experiment in breaking out of one's shell.

Tone: Authentic, humorous, and empathetic—with audience interactivity and playful coaching at its heart.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show.

[B]

Denise, you're just sick of being all buttoned up and all conservative and she's looking to shed that skin, get a little wild this summer.

[C]

I don't know why, but I'm imagining her in a music video with her hair up in a tight bun and some horn rimmed glasses on, and then she's gonna take them off and take her hair down and shake it, shake it all out.

[A]

Are you also imagining it's 1985 and you're watching Van Halen?

[D]

Van who?

[C]

I'm kidding.

[B]

Good morning, Denise. You are on the voice disguiser. Hello.

[E]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning. Can you speak up a little bit for us, please?

[E]

Sure.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

I can hear you in the back of the classroom. Sorry.

[B]

So what's going on? You ready to get a little nuts this summer?

[E]

Yeah. Well, can I kind of give you guys a little bit of background? Why I am where I am right now. Okay, so basically, here's what's going on. I worked really, really hard when I was in school, in high school to get into a really good college. And I went through college. You know, I didn't party a whole lot in college. I've never been drunk in my entire life. Like, you know, seriously, I mean, I may have been tipsy a couple of times, but that's about as extreme as it's gotten for me. And, you know, I just. I never was a party girl. I was always really serious about getting through college and getting through, like, good grades and that kind of thing. And I'm, you know, now a first year teacher straight out of college.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

And, you know, it's kind of sad because I see my students, you know, they're getting ready to be done for the summer, and they're all jazzed and excited about getting ready to go off to college and that kind of thing. And I realized that I never really got to have a good time. You know, I mean, like, I never really dated anyone in high school. I, you know, I've never really had like a really, you know, kind of active social life that way. I mean, I've been to a handful of parties in my life that I got invited to probably out of, like, my friends that pitied me. But even then I would go home early so I could study. And I'm just. I'm kind of at the point where, you know, I'm ready to kind of let my hair down and be wild and have some fun this summer. You know, like, I just. I want to have a good time. And you know what one of my girlfriends. She's so sweet. We've been best friends since we were freshmen in high school. And she's like, you know what? I agree. It's time. We're gonna go. We're gonna go tonight, and I plan on getting, like, completely smashed and having a good time for once in my life, and, you know, and just. I don't know, I feel like I missed out on so much, you know, studying and then, you know, going straight from high school. I mean, I even took summer courses between high school and college so that I could get ahead in college.

[B]

Denise, how old are you? What are you, like, 25 years old?

[E]

Yeah. And, I mean, look, the thing is that, you know what? When everyone else was in Cancun for their graduation trip from high school, I was taking prep courses for college.

[C]

You're kind of bitter.

[B]

This sounds like. It sounds like the quarter life crisis that we talk about.

[C]

I don't think this is the same type of quarter life crisis. I think this is a different story. But I think that she's smart at least to identify, needing to let her hair down and get a little crazy now.

[D]

But you're not too late like that. I think the bitterness in your voice. But you're 25, so, I mean, you're not too late to be able to enjoy yourself, you know?

[C]

And I would say tonight you need to be careful, because you said you've never even been drunk before. No, it's not gonna take very much. You seem to be careful on the.

[D]

And you're gonna be with people you trust, right?

[E]

Yeah, absolutely.

[D]

Because they're gonna end up having to take care of you.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

At about 10, right.

[B]

So alcohol has never crossed your lips before?

[E]

No, I have. I mean, I've had a drink before, but I've just. I've never gotten bashed in my life.

[B]

So it's really more. It's not so much about the alcohol as it is just like wanting to go out, wanting to start date, letting your hair down a little bit, going. Just living it up a little bit like you feel like you should have done a couple of years ago.

[D]

I never thought that I would. I never considered a teacher being kind of jealous of their students, because it sounds to me that what kind of brought this to light is the fact that you see your students enjoying themselves a little bit. Right.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, I just. I see that they're off to have, like, the time of their lives.

[B]

I can understand this. I can totally understand this.

[C]

I think you could put together, like, a summer checklist.

[E]

Of, like, what I want to do this summer.

[B]

So homework is.

[E]

Are you telling me. Yeah, I want to go and I want to have a great summer. And, you know, I want to go and I want to party and I want to maybe, you know, meet a hot guy and, you know, have a fling with him and just do everything that I haven't let myself do since I was, you know, like, 10. And I started thinking about what college I wanted to go to.

[D]

Say I had a fling with a hot guy.

[C]

I think you should make, like, a checklist of clubs you want to see that you've never been to before.

[B]

Cross off opera, you know, go to opera, then cross that off. Velvet roll. Do that one.

[C]

Exactly. And then I think you should make a list of boys you'd like to make out with or. Summer fling. Right. Or, I don't know. I mean, what else? I mean, and just check it off the list this summer, and then maybe it'll be out of your system by the time school rolls around this fall.

[B]

Yeah. Like, what are some of the things.

[C]

This summer, this late July when they go back to school?

[B]

If you are putting together a checklist of things for the entire summer, what would it be? Besides going out in clubbing, doing it up a little bit, besides, you know, dating a little bit more. What else is on that list for you?

[E]

I mean, just having a good time and not feeling guilty about it. Truly.

[A]

When you go out tonight to get all schnockered, I would recommend there's a drink called Jagermeister that'll really help you ramp up without getting too hammered too quickly.

[E]

A lot of people get really sick off of that.

[D]

I think you're gonna get sick anyway.

[B]

The Devil's Water. Hey, Susan, you're on Q100.

[F]

Hey, good morning. Listen, I just want to let the caller know that I was a lot like her. And I also am a teacher much older than her now. But don't be jealous of your students. Let me tell you, I had my master's by the time I was 25, 26, specialist degree in administration by the time I was 27. And it is so much more fun to party when you have money and you have a house and a car and you can pay for it.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Don't regret what you didn't do. You did it. You did it in the right order. So now you got all that you. You know, all the money you need to have a good time.

[C]

It doesn't even seem like you have a frame of reference of where to begin on this checklist. I think you need to get a wild friend. I think that needs to be like on the top of your checklist. Is not. You need a wild friend. No more wild than Wendy. She's still a little reserved. I mean, I think this girl needs a professional wild woman to take her under her wing. She doesn't even know where to go.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[C]

You know what I mean? Like, she doesn't even know like where. What places to put on her checklist.

[B]

Maybe we need to find a virtual listener that can call us every week with like a homework assignment. We'll keep it very teacher. Very.

[D]

She doesn't want to be teacher.

[B]

No, what I'm saying is, like, she'll have a homework. Yeah, she's got a lesson plan.

[A]

It's a lesson plan for the summer.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Suzanne, you're on Q100.

[G]

Q100. I'm a new listener and I love your show already because I'm calling in. I love the lesson plan idea, but I think you should put it on your website. You should have people submit ideas. Because, for example, I think she should get a piercing.

[D]

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

[G]

When I was 30. When I was 30 years old and I had my oldest daughter when I was 20. So she and I were kind of talking about how I was going to recover. I was a brand new single mom and she said, you know, mom, you should get a piercing. And I put it off for five years and I finally did it when she went and got hers. I went and got my cartilage done.

[B]

So good for you.

[G]

And I just felt so naughty. It was great.

[A]

There's nothing hot about that sentence.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Just got my cartilage done and I.

[B]

Felt naughty about it. So we would put piercing on the list. I think an all nighter?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

You got to do 24 straight hours without sleeping.

[C]

I'm trying to think.

[E]

I mean, I've done that before when I've been studying.

[A]

She's probably not.

[E]

Not papers.

[C]

Not study.

[D]

All nighter is not for studying.

[A]

Just papers to grade.

[C]

No more.

[D]

No, no, no. That's what we're talking about.

[B]

It's like going out and partying, then going, you know, after party and then having plans to go to breakfast and then hit a deck bar somewhere or go to a beach and do an all nighter.

[C]

I also think she needs to start some day drinking. You know where you start at noon, get a good table outside all day.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It does. It does sound like we are talking to somebody that has zero idea.

[D]

No, she does.

[C]

No, she frames the reference.

[B]

You are gonna need some guidance through this, and we want to guide you through this.

[E]

All right. I'm willing to take whatever suggestions y' all have. I. I just. I don't want to spend the whole summer being sick.

[D]

Well, the thing is, it's all about. Because we have two things about alcohol.

[A]

Now we're scaring her.

[D]

But now. Now we have to focus on the guys, like I do. You talk about she needs a random makeout session with a stranger.

[E]

You know, I'm all for that, actually. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

She's like that. I can wrap my brain around.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, let us put together Like a wild child 101 list for you, and let's meet back in a couple of days. And what, are you out of school? You're out of school. This is it this week?

[E]

Pretty much, yeah.

[B]

Okay. Take some suggestions from the virtual community also, and then we'll follow you through the entire summer. One of two things is going to happen. You're either going to love this life and you may never be able to look back again, or you're absolutely going to hate it and realize that you haven't missed a damn thing or feel.

[C]

Like you got it out of your.

[B]

System or you got it out of your system.

[A]

The bird show.