Vault: This Woman Has A Plan To Get Her Husband To Do Chores

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: This Woman Has A Plan To Get Her Husband To Do Chores"

Podcast by Pionaire Podcasting
Aired: January 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this candid and funny episode, the Bert Show crew dives into a universal conundrum: how couples tussle over household chores. The conversation is sparked by Amy Sutherland’s book, What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage, which humorously suggests using animal training techniques to get partners to do more around the house. The cast explores these techniques and debates whether they’re realistic, practical, or even fair, while sharing their own candid experiences and listener stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the "Training Your Husband" Idea

• The discussion kicks off with a reference to an article about journalist Amy Sutherland, who used animal training methods on her husband to get him to help more around the house.
• (00:59) Amy Sutherland, a journalist, used animal training techniques learned from covering animal trainers and applied them to her marriage.

“She decided that she’s going to train him like a dog… These same techniques that they use to train animals could actually be used to train my husband.” — Host [B], (00:41)

2. The Three Main Themes from the Book

• The cast breaks down the “top three” principles Sutherland outlines, applying them to everyday couple-dom.

a. Reward Positive Behavior

• When your partner does a chore—even just one sock—give lots of praise.
• (02:14) The cast debates how to praise sincerely, not condescendingly.

“If your mate picks up just one dirty sock without being asked, give him lots of praise.” — Host [B], (02:17)

• Jokes are made about how far you could (or should) take that praise:

“I don’t think the words are as important as you being naked is.” — Host [A], (02:47)

• Sincerity is key; even a simple thank you is noted as valuable.

“If she says, thanks for bringing that stuff upstairs, I am actually like, wow. Like, she noticed that. That’s pretty.” — Host [A], (03:39)

b. Ignore Negatives (Don’t Nag)

• Highlighted as the “least reinforcing scenario.” Don’t offset praise with reminders of everything left undone.
• (04:21) The cast discusses how hard it is to avoid following up praise with nagging.

“Don’t nag about the rest of the filthy laundry still piled on the floor. Trainers call this least reinforcing scenario.” — Host [B], (04:45)

• The word "nag" is dissected as being gendered, though men report feeling nagged, too.

“I had a discussion with someone … about the word nag and how that’s never applied to men. Like that word nag is very like gender.” — Host [C], (05:02) “Jessica applies it to me. … She says, you nag her?” — Host [A], (05:17)

c. Don’t Take It Personally

• Laundry is just laundry, not a measure of love or respect.
• (06:22) The cast tackles why chores feel so personal for some, even though (as the guys argue) it’s not meant that way.

“Laundry is just laundry. Not a symbol of how much your spouse loves you or values your marriage.” — Host [B], (06:22)

• The emotional load is revealed:

“It is interpreted in a personal way… because I feel like I put so much thought and care into the things that I do and the acts of service that I do for him. The fact that it isn’t returned feels like a personal insult…” — Host [C], (07:01)

3. Gender, Roles, and “Tunnel Vision”

• The hosts consider generational shifts: old-school gender roles don’t fit reality, but there’s still legacy tension.
• Men argue their perspective—being “task-oriented” and sometimes having “tunnel vision,” not seeing all that needs doing.

“Women are big picture. Guys are task oriented… If there’s something sitting on the table to go upstairs and I’m going upstairs… I don’t even see the boxes.” — Host [A], (08:44, 09:25)

4. Listener Perspectives: Not Just the Guys!

• (09:30) Callers Wendy and Josh add context:
  • Wendy describes the “Mama Boy” syndrome—some men were raised to expect women to do everything.
  • Josh flips the narrative: he is the neat one, struggling to get his wife to help with chores.

“I’m the one that picks up. I’m the one that washes, you know, cleans… And my wife, I’m fighting with her constantly to get her to pick something up and walk two feet and throw it in the [hamper].” — Listener Josh, (10:07)

5. Rewriting the Rules at Home

• The cast reflects on evolving gender roles and the need for new models of divvying up responsibilities.

“I think it’s a whole generational thing, too… We need a whole new model because it’s not the same as our parents.” — Host [C], (10:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “As long as everybody promises not to tell Ryan that I’m going to try to train him like a dog.” — Host [C], (02:06)
• “It still feels good.” — Host [A], (03:32), describing the impact of genuine gratitude
• “She’s been a slob since she was 4 years old. If he’s still a slob in the house now, how is that personal to you?” — Host [D], (06:49)
• “You’ve been with him 65 years.” — Host [A], joking about long relationships, (08:23)
• “Guys, if you see that book laying around the house, you know you’re in the process—start picking stuff up.” — Host [D], (11:13)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:59 – Topic Introduction: Training your spouse with animal training techniques
• 02:17 – Principle 1: Reward positive behavior
• 04:45 – Principle 2: Ignore the negatives and don’t nag
• 06:22 – Principle 3: Don’t take it personally—why it feels so personal
• 08:44 – Men’s “task-oriented” approach and “tunnel vision”
• 09:32 – Listener Wendy: “Mama Boy” syndrome
• 10:07 – Listener Josh: When the husband is the neat one
• 10:33 – Discussion of changing gender roles and generational differences
• 11:07 – Book title and wrap-up

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Tone & Takeaways

Energetic and real, with plenty of humor and banter, the cast acknowledges that while Sutherland’s techniques might seem reductive or unfair, there’s some truth to the need for positive reinforcement and less nagging. Both men and women bristle at being “trained”—but most agree that gratitude and open communication go a long way in making cohabitation work.

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Book Mentioned:

• What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage by Amy Sutherland

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For listeners struggling with chore wars at home, this episode offers both laughs and practical takeaways—reminding everyone that relationship routines are always a work in progress.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show.

[B]

I am not married. I do not have a husband. But I know here on the show that Jim and I have gotten in arguments with Jeff and Bert over issues of marriage and household chores or things that husbands don't do that women get frustrated by. And then it is, I think it's a universal thing where everybody, whether you're married or not, at least if you've been in a relationship, dealt with somebody for a long enough time, you try to bring two people into a situation, you, you know, each one wants to have their way, and then you have to work out some kind of compromise. Well, I read an article in Newsweek this week about this new book about this woman who decided as a wife what she was going to do in order to get her husband to do these things that she wants to do. And she decided that she's going to train him like a dog. Okay. She is a journalist that actually went out and her initial story was animal training. So she spent about a year or so in doing a story about animal training and then decided, you know what, these same techniques that they use to train animals could actually be used to train my husband.

[C]

Okay?

[D]

Now, at first, it's kind of very. At first, it's really offensive to hear you say that, but I will say this, that I even brought this up a couple weeks ago, and, you know, the technique with a puppy is when he does something good, you praise it a lot, right? And I said to you guys the same thing a couple of weeks ago, when your men do stuff around the house, like they empty the dishwasher, even, you know, if you guys have been doing it most of the time, and we don't do it all the time when we do much like a puppy. I suggested go ahead and praise. Go over the top praising us, because that's what we want. Just like a puppy.

[B]

Well, in the article, there's three main themes that she talks about. And I'll say this, but her name is Amy Sutherland, and I wanted to say the reason it's such a universal theme. She started this story in the New York times back in 2006. So two years ago, she wrote this story about this, and it became the most emailed news story that year. And so now she's got a new book out this week called what Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love and Marriage, and they've actually got a movie deal going.

[C]

So are these, like, big, like, general themes or like, practical things we could put into use? Because I will try to use them.

[B]

Well, this.

[C]

As long as everybody Promises not to tell Ryan that I'm going to try to train him like a dog.

[A]

Well, once you rub his face in his pee spot on the floor, he's going to know.

[C]

He's going to know. Don't ever do that again.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, now, going on what Burgess said, the first thing in the article it says is, reward positive behavior. It says, if your mate picks up just one dirty sock without being asked, give him lots of praise.

[D]

I totally agree with that.

[C]

Like, what kind of praise? So it's not condescending, because I can already hear my condescending tone, and I haven't even thought of the words to use yet.

[D]

Like, Jeff, what kind of. Like if you, as the husband wanted. I mean, wanted sincere praise for doing something pretty superficial like that, like just picking up a sock that you normally wouldn't, how would you want it to sound?

[A]

I don't think the words are as important as you being naked is.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So I think every word is important.

[C]

For that, for every sock.

[A]

Hey, if you want the socks picked.

[D]

Up, if you want your marriage to work.

[A]

Yes. Look, we're both gonna contribute here. We're gonna pick up the socks.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You're gonna give up the good.

[C]

Well, she said it's verbal praise, right? Yes.

[B]

Yeah, she said. Yeah. Give him lots of praise when he does something that you like him to do.

[C]

I appreciate you doing that. It doesn't have to be very much.

[A]

I don't even think it has to be over.

[C]

I'm doing something I've been doing for.

[B]

The last part of the last point.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It's not gonna go well either.

[C]

I'm keep it silent for that part, but I just have to, in my mind, that's what's gonna be going on.

[A]

I say thank you because I know that, like, there, like, I don't. Like, I know when Jessica is thanking me for doing something that's not that big of a deal, but it still feels good.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You know what I mean? So, like, if it's just a situation where I pick up a bunch of stuff that's on the table, like, we have a table near our stairs. Anything that has to go upstairs goes on that table. And I usually walk by it a hundred times before, but every now and again, I'll say, oh, look at that. And I'll pick it up and take it upstairs. And if she says, thanks for bringing that stuff upstairs, I am actually like, wow. Like, she noticed that. That's pretty.

[D]

Here's the danger zone you're gonna walk into with something like that. Where I think most of us are pretty clueless about stuff like that. So when you mention, hey, thanks a lot for picking up that sock, most. Some guys I think are gonna go, what are you talking about? I do that all the time. And that's when it's gonna break off.

[A]

Into the discussion that's gonna rage.

[D]

Yes, I do. No, I don't. Yes, I do.

[B]

Well, that moves into the second theme of the book, which is ignore negatives. So you talk about every. You know, Jen, everything you've mentioned is how you will finish it off with. Even though I've asked you do that a hundred times kind of thing. She says, don't nag about the rest of the laundry. And this is the laundry scenario is what the examples are. Okay, so the first one is positive feedback. If they pick up a sock, then you give positive feedback because they picked up the sock. But here's another laundry scenario. Don't nag about the rest of the filthy laundry still piled on the floor. Trainers. Call this least reinforcing scenario.

[D]

So you can say, hey, thanks, I really appreciate you picking up that sock. But did you see that your underwear and your shoes aren't in the closet? And you're gonna go completely positive with that. So do you think you can handle it?

[C]

No, I know I can't. That's why I'm like, really trying to channel this and whatever. But I had a discussion with someone the other day about the word nag and how that's never applied to men. Like that word nag is very like gender.

[B]

They're expressing themselves.

[A]

Oh, no. Jessica applies it to me. She does?

[C]

She says, you nag her?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

About what?

[A]

Random things. Really? Like, if I ask her, like, we're looking at maybe getting a boat this summer. So she ran into somebody who has experience with boats and, like, knows is actually on the lake where one of the boats we're looking at is located. So she said, oh, yeah, I'll get his number. And then so I like, in my mind, and I think it's probably just from being on the computer in the BlackBerry all day. Like, if I say I'm gonna get the number, like, I'll just shoot an email off, right? Then two lines and hey, can I have your phone number? Somebody else wants it. Boom, doom, done. You know what I mean?

[C]

Right.

[A]

Whereas she's like, okay. And then kind of makes a mental note and then thinks. And I think it's. Cause it's the girl thing. Like, you have to pick up the phone and call and chat and how Are you? Blah, blah. Oh, by the way, my husband wants to talk to your husband about the boats, but I will, like, hourly nag her. Have you heard back? Have you gotten that number yet? Have you gotten that number yet? Stop nagging. Yeah, and she'll say, stop nagging me about that.

[D]

Well, you're the only man on earth.

[B]

I was going to say that.

[C]

I'm really trying to think about any.

[A]

Other man that does that.

[B]

And this last theme of the book. And again, this book is called what Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage. And this is Amy Sutherland's book. And the last theme that is included in this article is don't take it personally. Again, the laundry scenario. Laundry is just laundry. Not a symbol of how much your spouse loves you or values your marriage. What's wrong with you? I think that's the hardest part of.

[C]

It's hard not to take it personal.

[B]

Everything. Right.

[C]

It's hard not to take it personal because it is personal. How is it?

[A]

Why is that personal?

[D]

He's been a slob since he was 4 years old. If he's still a slob in the house now, how is that personal to you?

[C]

Well, it just feels like he doesn't care about our home or other things or, you know, it just.

[B]

To me.

[C]

It is interpreted in a personal way. Even. Even if I shouldn't. I mean, you guys may be completely right, but I interpret it in a personal way because I feel like I put so much thought and care into the things that I do and the acts of service that I do for him. The fact that it isn't returned is. Feels like a personal insult, even though.

[D]

It'S probably not to me.

[A]

Definitely not to me.

[C]

It carries the messages of I don't care. But it probably doesn't. But I think I interpret it that way.

[B]

But I think it's important to note that Jen's not the only woman that feels that way, you know, And I think that guys. And I think. I think guys don't understand that a woman is taking it personally when you don't, you know, everything. When you don't put the cat back on the toothpaste.

[A]

Y' all gotta lighten up.

[D]

Like, stop nagging us.

[C]

Yeah, it just sends the message of, I don't care. I don't care about our things. I don't care about our.

[A]

But how do we make you.

[C]

That's the message that it sends.

[A]

How do we make you understand that that's not the message? The message that it sends is. It's easier for me to put my socks on the floor rather than pick them up and walk them six feet to the hamper.

[D]

Men and men, they interpret. I mean, they're constantly taking apart the model and seeing how it works and everything where we just. We don't know how it works. We don't understand. We're just the car gently through life.

[A]

But why can't we just tell you that? Like, I don't understand why. Why you still. I mean, how long have you been married to Ryan?

[C]

4 and a half years.

[A]

And you were with him for how many years before that, living with him?

[C]

Forever.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Ever since she was born.

[A]

Right. So you've been with him 65 years.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But like. And I'm sure he's told you a hundred times it has nothing to do with you. I just forget, like, why? What? Why will you never believe. Why do you refuse to believe that?

[C]

No, because I think that there's. I think there's capability for compromise.

[A]

I'm sure there is. But like, when you say, like you're saying now that it's personal. Yeah, like, it's not. Like it really isn't personal. Like the way guys operate. I just think here's. The Women are big picture. Guys are task oriented. They have this conversation with Jessica all the time. Like, where she's, you know, where we're talking about, like, doing stuff and I'm like, if there's something sitting on the table to go upstairs and I'm going upstairs to get like, whatever we keep upstairs, a couple of beach towels. Right? That's what I'm going upstairs for. I don't even see the boxes. That's on the entryway table.

[C]

You don't multitask.

[B]

No.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Well, I.

[A]

Tunnel vision. Like those things the horses wear.

[D]

Can I take a phone call real quick first?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Good morning, Wendy. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hey. I can identify totally with Jen and what I call it is the Mama Boy syndrome that there's. Our husbands are so used to mom doing everything for them, and once they become our husbands, that's what they expect from us.

[C]

Well, and then we play into it because we do it all. I mean, you know, we create the scenarios that we live in, you know, and I don't think that, you know, we're completely not responsible for contributing to that.

[D]

Hey, Josh, what's up?

[C]

Hey.

[F]

Yeah, me and my wife Donna are sitting here listening now and see, this is totally the other way around.

[C]

Okay. Oh, really?

[F]

Oh, yeah, really.

[C]

You're the neat Nick.

[F]

I'm the one that Picks up. I'm the one that washes, you know, cleans, you know, washes the clothes, washes the dishes. And my wife, I'm fighting with her constantly to get her to pick something up and walk two feet and throw it in the laugh.

[D]

She's laughing at you right now. And with every bit of laughter, he gets closer to the knife.

[A]

And you can't. It's not like he can go to his buddies and tell him that. Problem.

[D]

No.

[A]

Like, so she can. That's why it's okay for her to sit there and laugh at him.

[C]

I think it's a whole. I. I don't. I think it's a whole generational thing, too, because we're all sort of following in the roles that we had from our parents, which don't really apply anymore. Like, we need a whole new model because it's not the same as our parents, you know, it's not the same gender roles as our parents had. It's not the same responsibility levels that our parents had. And we're not divvying it up at home, like. And it's a constant. So, I mean, y' all know. How long. How many years have we been on the air together and how many years have I been talking about this?

[D]

As long as you've been married, we've been on the air together.

[C]

Well, I started the show before I.

[D]

Got married, but it's all the same concept, though. Yeah. What's the name of the book? One more.

[B]

The name of the book is what Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love and Marriage is by journalist Amy Sutherland.

[D]

Dudes. I'm just saying, guys, did you see that book laying around the house? You know, you're in the process.

[A]

Start picking stuff up. Put that away. The vert show.