The Bert Show — “Vault: We Can't Believe How Delusional This Woman Is”

Episode Date: January 13, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into a dramatic “Second Date Update” segment, focusing on a listener named Lisa’s surprising experience after a promising first date. The cast dissects Lisa’s actions and her date’s reactions with equal parts humor and incredulity, illustrating the fine (and sometimes blurry) line between enthusiasm and overbearing behavior in early-stage dating. The episode’s central theme revolves around self-awareness, boundaries, and the need for clear communication in new relationships, all while examining the ways we can be “delusional” about romantic signals.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lisa’s Story: The Setup

• First Date Success: Lisa recounts meeting Stan, feeling an immediate connection, and having a great time on their first date.
  • “He was really sweet and really good looking and everything was awesome. When we go for dinner, we went to Joe’s Crab Shack…” (03:03)
• Plans for Second Date: Plans were made early in the week for Lisa to pick Stan up for a Tom Petty concert at Music Midtown.
• The Letdown: Upon arrival at Stan's place, Lisa is ignored, even though she can see signs he is home.
  • “I knock on the door, he never answers… I can see the TV is on…there’s a jacket next to the door through the window.” (03:10)

2. The Cast’s Reactions and Tough Questions

• The hosts express confusion and concern at Lisa’s emotional response, given the limited time she’d spent with Stan (just one date).
  • “You’ve only hung out…for a couple hours, though. Why are you so upset about it?” (04:00)
• Lisa admits she felt hurt by being stood up but doesn’t initially see her behavior as excessive.

3. Examining Lisa’s Communication Habits

• Details emerge about the volume of Lisa’s contact during the week: the hosts query the number and length of her calls.
  • Lisa: “Maybe like five [calls], 20, 30, 40 minutes … Maybe like an hour one time.” (06:03)
  • She acknowledges most of the calls were initiated by her.

4. Stan’s Side of the Story (10:00)

• Stan explains his perspective:
  • Lisa called approximately 40 times in one week.
  • She would call at all times—morning, while he was at work, at night, and sometimes wouldn’t let him off the phone.
  • The breaking point was a drunken late-night call where Lisa said, “I love you,” after only one date.
    • Stan: “She called my house about 40 times…down to wanting to talk to me as she is falling asleep…And then she goes out with her friends…and calls me at midnight…saying, I love you…That freaked me out.” (11:13)
  • He ended things over the phone on Friday, but Lisa insisted she would still come over, believing he’d change his mind.

5. Lisa’s Defense and Self-Perception

• Lisa denies saying “I love you” and disputes the number of calls.
  • “I don’t remember calling him on Wednesday. I don’t remember telling him I love him.” (12:54)
• She admits to “a lot” of calls but suggests Stan was reciprocating attention, at least early on.

6. The Cast’s Judgment and Advice

• Multiple hosts express embarrassment or frustration at Lisa’s persistence and lack of self-awareness.
  • “Lisa, you became quickly obsessed.” (14:43, E)
  • “Are you just, like, in denial? I can’t start the week like this. Seriously, Bert, it’s Monday. I can’t handle the stupidity.” (17:28, E)
• The tone is alternately tough love and comic relief:
  • “She was free fallin’ in love…” (15:24, F)
• The conversation steers toward universal dating norms:
  • Calling repeatedly before a proper relationship is established can be seen as too much, bordering on stalking.
  • “That’s when you’re in a relationship, not when you’re trying to get in a relationship.” (19:31, D)

7. Learning from the Experience

• When pressed, Lisa concedes she would probably “not call as often” next time but doesn’t seem fully convinced of the lesson.
  • “I probably wouldn’t call as often.” (20:27, D)
• The cast and callers alike stress the importance of pacing oneself in new relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lisa on why she persisted:
  “Well, I thought he was just playing kind of hard to get with me, you know?” (15:01)
• Stan’s exasperation:
  “You can show up if you want, but I’m not coming to the door. I’m not going out with you. It’s freaking me out. That’s where it is.” (12:41)
• Host (E) expressing embarrassment:
  “I’m actually embarrassed to be a woman right now.” (15:22)
• Comedic relief:
  “You gotta hide your shoe better.” (12:49, F) [a joke about Lisa finding Stan’s “shoe shadow” while circling the house]
• Host presses Lisa to learn:
  “Same situation happens…what are you going to do the following morning?” (19:55, C)
  Lisa: “Probably wouldn’t call as often.” (20:27)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:36 — Segment begins with Lisa’s dilemma
• 03:03 — Lisa describes first date and plans for the second
• 05:56 — Phone call frequency and communication details emerge
• 09:49 — Agreement to confront Stan for the truth
• 11:13 — Stan’s full side of the story
• 12:54 — Lisa’s pushback and selective memory
• 15:22 – 17:44 — Hosts’ tough love and pointed advice
• 18:14 — Listeners call in with verdicts
• 20:27 — Lisa recaps (somewhat) what she’d do differently next time

Tone and Style

The tone is a hallmark of The Bert Show: candid, teasing, sometimes harsh but ultimately rooted in an attempt to dispense real-world relationship wisdom—often through the lens of lively, relatable banter. Longtime listeners will recognize the blend of empathy and comedic exasperation.

Summary Takeaway

This episode exemplifies The Bert Show’s ability to blend real listener drama with honest, sometimes uncomfortable truths about dating in the modern world. Lisa’s experience acts as a cautionary tale about respecting boundaries, recognizing reciprocity, and not mistaking early enthusiasm for mutual commitment. The cast’s reactions and the live call-ins drive home that, while everyone wants a connection, pacing—and self-awareness—are crucial.