Vault: We Can't Believe The Weekend Remorse Listeners Confessed To

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: We Can't Believe The Weekend Remorse Listeners Confessed To"

Air Date: February 17, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, the Bert Show team invites listeners to share their most shocking and cringe-worthy stories of "weekend remorse." From regrettable tattoos and drunken mistakes to personal mishaps and unexpected heartbreaks, the episode highlights how easily a weekend can take a turn – and how sharing those moments can be both cathartic and hilarious. Set in the show's trademark funny and real style, both hosts and callers open up about moments they'd rather forget, offering commiseration, empathy, and plenty of laughs.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Call for Remorse Stories (01:59 – 02:44)

• The host (possibly Birch) kicks off with, "Is there anybody listening with some kind of weekend remorse right now?" and rattles off possible regrets—tattoos, inappropriate hook-ups, and impulsive purchases.
• The crew expects alcohol-induced confessions and jokes about the classic “regrettable tattoo.”

2. Tattoo Tales — Personal Remorse (02:44 – 03:40)

• Birch recounts a personal story: “A couple years ago I was down in Dallas…we go out, we get tattoos.” (02:36)
  • Classic “starter kit tattoo” stories—like Asian symbols or barbed wire bands—are mocked as youthful cliches.
  • “I've got the butterfly right by the genitalia.” (03:33)
  • Birch reflects on outgrowing these tattoos and hoping for better removal technology.

3. Listener Calls — Real Weekend Regrets

• Brush with Tragedy (04:09 – 04:54)

  • Denny calls to reference a Georgia Tech student whose parachute failed to open. Though not remorseful, he emotionally processes being tangentially connected to tragedy. The hosts gently pivot away after acknowledging the somber moment.
  • "Yeah, he needed to be tied in somehow to the guy that passed away this weekend." (04:45)

• Car Theft by Carelessness (05:01 – 06:06)

  • A listener admits to leaving her car unlocked out of tiredness; the next morning, it was gone. She’s shocked this happened in a “nicer” neighborhood. The cast empathizes, sharing similar “I’ll be fine” rationalizations.
  • “I never, never thought it would happen to me, but I understand it did.” (05:55)

• Lost Wedding Ring and New Marriages (06:06 – 07:51)

  • Omar, just married three months, lost his wedding ring at a family party. His wife is particularly sensitive about drinking, adding to the anxiety. The hosts devise humorous backup plans, jokingly suggesting he hide her ring if she ever loses it.
  • “I just realized, and I just left the house. I was like, I ain't gonna say nothing. I'm gone. Bye.” (06:45)
  • “That’s the difference between guys and women though. Like, a woman will notice...It’ll take you that long as a guy to figure out that [the ring]’s not on her finger anymore.” (07:31)

• Matching Tattoos with Ex–Best Friend (07:57 – 08:56)

  • Stacy ruefully reveals she and a friend got matching tattoos while under the influence; they are no longer speaking. The hosts laugh about the “best friends forever” curse of permanent body art.
  • “Let’s just say we weren’t in our right mind.” (08:38)

4. Tattoo Culture — From Bonding to Regret (08:56 – 10:10)

• The crew pokes fun at the trend of matching tattoos and recounts stories of “best friend” tattoos outlasting friendships.

• "When I see...we have the same tattoos...I look at it, and I’m just like, we were such tools.“ (08:56)

• They mock the photos people take to commemorate these bonds—and the awkwardness of matching (or removing) them later.

• A tangent includes a wild story about getting a “RIP” tattoo only for the family member to miraculously recover—a darkly funny take on premature permanent decisions.

5. Heartbreak and Shocking Revelations (11:32 – 13:45)

• Jason calls, distraught: married June 6th, his wife left him that weekend for one of his close female friends.
  • “My wife handed me divorce paper and tell me she was leaving me for one of my good girlfriends.” (11:42)
  • The hosts are stunned, ask if he saw any signs, and joke awkwardly as they try to lighten the mood.
  • “That does suck, dude. Not exactly a remorse weekend. That’s just a crap weekend.” (13:45)
  • Despite the humor, there's genuine sympathy for Jason’s pain.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We just have a lot of disagreements. I mean, the guy she’s dating, the guy that I’m dating, it’s just not working out… Let’s just say we weren’t in our right mind.”
  — Stacy, on matching tattoos with a now ex-friend (08:11 & 08:38)

• “That is one of the most overrated things…we were such tools. It’s just the most ridiculous.”
  — Host Birch, mocking his impulse tattoo history (08:56)

• “I'm not gonna say nothing until I, like, can’t find it at all. I’m like, look, baby, things is going wrong.”
  — Omar, on hiding his lost wedding ring from his wife (06:59)

• “My wife handed me divorce paper and tell me she was leaving me for one of my good girlfriends.”
  — Jason, conveying the lowest point of the episode (11:42)

• “That does suck, dude. Not exactly a remorse weekend. That’s just a crap weekend.”
  — Host Birch, closing out Jason's segment with candor and commiseration (13:45)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:59] — Segment introduction: “Who’s got weekend remorse?”
• [02:36] — Birch’s tattoo regret story
• [04:09] — Denny on parachute accident
• [05:01] — Car theft due to unlocked car
• [06:11] — Omar’s lost wedding ring dilemma
• [07:57] — Stacy’s matching tattoo regret
• [08:56] — Conversation on cliche bonding tattoos
• [11:32] — Jason’s unexpected divorce revelation

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Tone & Style

The episode maintains a breezy, teasing, and authentic vibe even while touching on serious or somber stories. The cast balances empathetic advice with sharp humor, creating a safe space for both lighthearted and heavy admissions. Their willingness to poke fun at themselves fosters an environment where listeners can also laugh at their own missteps.

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Summary Takeaway

If you’ve ever woken up after a wild weekend and cringed at your decisions—this episode is for you. Through confessions that are sometimes painful, often hilarious, and always relatable, The Bert Show reminds us that we all have regrets. Sometimes you just need to tell your story and let the laughs (or commiseration) roll.

Transcript

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[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

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[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

The Birch Show Is there anybody listening with some kind of weekend remorse right now? Could have been a one night stand. I think Jeff, you might have mentioned a tattoo you got over the weekend. Yeah.

[Caller or Co-host]

Did anybody get a tattoo over the weekend that they are regretting today?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Who's got weekend remorse? You did something to the boss, the boss did something to you.

[Caller or Co-host]

You spent a lot of money. Like, I don't know, new car that you can't afford.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Could be. I'm thinking there's going to be a lot of alcohol induced ones. You made out with a gay guy, Wendy?

[Caller or Co-host]

Well, I'm not remorseful because the gay guy. I made out with a girl this week. What happened?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Could be a million things. Could be a million things. You made out with your girlfriend's sister? She still doesn't know about it. It's never gonna happen again. You're not gonna tell anybody, but you don't feel good about it. A couple years ago I was down in Dallas, my, you know, high school best friend, junior high school, even best friend. Today John comes to visit me in Dallas. We go get our drink on pretty well. We have to have our bonding experience. We go out, we get tattoos.

[Caller or Co-host]

Little butterflies on the small of your.

Back, little trash stamp. What did you guys get?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

We got that little. My little tattoo starter kit 1. The one that has a little Asian symbol.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, right. Is that level one as an Asian symbol?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Yeah, I think that's totally. It is. It's tattoo 101 and I think it probably says tool or cliche.

[Caller or Co-host]

Did you get that one?

Second level, some kind of band around the arm. I don't know. Tribal tattoo. Oh, wait a second.

It's the barbed wire. Bird has her arms.

And then you have the parental tattoo.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Yeah, the one with the kids initials. And I've got the. I do have the butterfly right by the genitalia.

[Caller or Co-host]

Stretches out. When you get older and have babies.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

I will get all of them. I think that with the exception of the kids initials, the rest of them will be gone. I will eventually get rid of them all when they come up with a way to get rid of them quickly and painlessly because right now it's really, really, really painful. I'll get them taken care of. But if you have weekend remorse, maybe it's a tattoo. You slept with the wrong person, had your first one night stand. Could be a purchase. 404.741Q100. Hey, Denny. Good morning.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

How are you?

[Caller]

I'm pretty good actually.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Are you calling about the remorse thing?

[Caller]

Yeah, it's about the Georgia Tech student that his shoot didn't open Saturday. It's got out of the farm.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Why do you have remorse about that?

[Caller]

Well, we actually set back up. We rescheduled. They gave us rain checks to come back on the 23rd.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

You were with that with the party that was.

[Caller]

They were in the load right before us.

[Caller or Co-host]

So why do you have remorse? Hello?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Yeah, I think he just needed to tell somebody's story. Yeah, he needed to be tied in somehow to the guy that passed away this weekend.

[Caller or Co-host]

Aw.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

That'S so sad, Mike. Yeah, I think dude pretty much killed our calls.

[Caller or Co-host]

No, try line four.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Good morning.

[Caller]

Good morning, baby.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Baby, what's going on?

[Caller]

Well, I got home Friday night, and I was really tired and lazy, so I left my car unlocked. And then the next morning, he was gone.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, no.

The whole car was stolen?

[Caller]

Yeah, he was gone. And I woke up, and I was like, you know, I'm going to the mall. It's Saturday. I got ready, I went outside, my car was gone.

[Caller or Co-host]

Was it a situation where you were, like, home, and then you went in the house, and then you were sitting there watching TV or something, maybe with your pajamas on, and you're like, shoot, I think I forgot to lock the car. Oh, well, nothing.

[Caller]

No, because I left my car locked many, many times, and it was an old car, and I never thought of my life it would take that. So they did.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

That sucks, because you do. I've done that before also. Where you have that. That brief? Like, should I go lock it out?

[Caller or Co-host]

It'll be fine.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

I live in a fine neighborhood. Nothing's gonna happen. I'm.

[Caller or Co-host]

My car.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's what I thought. I moved in. I just moved into a nicer, you know, neighborhood that I lived before. And I never, never thought it would happen to me, but I understand it did.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, sorry.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Oh, that's a bummer. Omar is not feeling so great this morning either. Omar, you've got weekend regret.

[Caller]

I do. I went out for the first time. I just got married three months ago, went out to my aunt's 50th birthday party, and I lost my wedding words.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

You lost your wedding?

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, no.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Already? Now some are gonna say, why did you have it off in the first place?

[Caller]

Oh, I was hoping, packing up the chairs and stuff. After we got done, I took it off. Cause it gets caught and it's somewhere.

[Caller or Co-host]

Ooh, that's the worst.

[Caller]

And, you know, my wife has a problem with me, you know, drinking or whatnot, which I didn't really drink that much anyway, but it's just gonna look bad.

[Caller or Co-host]

You haven't told her yet?

[Caller]

No, I just realized, and I just left the house. I was like, I ain't gonna say nothing. I'm gone. Bye.

[Caller or Co-host]

Like, it's already a Monday. I don't need to hear it on.

[Caller]

So it's all messed up.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

So there is a chance you can find it? Like, you can go back today? Like, I don't even know that I would tell her yet.

[Caller]

No, I'm not gonna say no until I, like, can't find it at all. I'm like, look, baby, things is going wrong.

[Caller or Co-host]

So he's already planning out in his head what he's gonna have to say to her.

[Caller]

That's what's happening.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

You should have a backup plan.

[Caller or Co-host]

But, yeah, you know what you should do is next time you see her diamond sitting around unattended, like, next to the sink or something, take it.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Just taking it.

[Caller]

Like you lost yours, too.

[Will (IQ Bar Creator)]

Yeah.

[Caller or Co-host]

And then when she comes to you and she's like, oh, my God, you're not gonna believe this. Oh, my God. Well, it's okay. I lost mine. Right.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

See, that's the difference between guys and women, though. Like, a woman will notice the very first time she sees you if you don't have the ring on, where as the woman, she might lose her three weeks ago. And it'll take you that long as a guy to figure out that it's not on her finger anymore.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah, I'm surprised that he said he just realized this morning that it was off and she hadn't seen it yet. Be off.

Right.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

She must have been sleeping. He just. And he pulled out before she even woke up. Hey, Stacy. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

What's up?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Hey. You have remorse from the weekend?

[Caller]

It was actually a couple of weekends ago, and me and one of my really good friends went out, got a tattoo, the same exact tattoo, and now we are no longer friends.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, what happened? I mean, just last weekend you were tattoo buddies. What happened? What happened since then?

[Caller]

We just have a lot of disagreements. I mean, the guy she's dating, the guy that I'm dating, it's just not working out. So we've gotten to a lot of arguments and just decided to separate, go separate ways.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Well, didn't those arguments and that tension occur before you guys got the tattoos?

[Caller]

Well, let's just say we weren't in our right mind.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Okay. Yeah, you're all right.

[Caller or Co-host]

They were best friends forever rather than just best friends for right now.

[Caller]

Exactly.

[Caller or Co-host]

They're the. They're the. I seriously love you drunks. Like, no, seriously.

No, seriously.

[Will (IQ Bar Creator)]

No, really.

[Caller or Co-host]

I love you. We're gonna be best friends forever. Let's get a tattoo. Gotcha.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

That is one of the most overrated things. Like when I see. When I end up hanging out with my friend John who lives in California, and we have the same tattoos. We have the same arm. We've got that wave band, and we also have the. The symbol, and I look at it, and I'm Just like, we were such tools. It's just the most ridiculous.

[Caller or Co-host]

Why is that cool that we had to match, right?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

We're such good friends, dude.

[Caller or Co-host]

I' you know, somebody's got the little broken heart, the half heart. Yeah. And their best friend has the other half heart. Just like the old necklaces, they got the tattoos, and now they don't speak and don't know what happened to the other one.

Yeah. At least you and John are still friends. Yeah.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Yeah, we're definitely still friends.

[Caller or Co-host]

I mean, that's. You know, that's a good thing. And, my goodness, it was your tattoos that bonded you together, man.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Our next bonding experience will be when we go to get them removed together also.

[Caller or Co-host]

Is it one of you guys? Who is it?

What? What?

You're thinking that. Did you take pictures of you and John? I mean, have y' all taken a picture with flexing your arm?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Oh, look at us. We haven't, no.

[Will (IQ Bar Creator)]

Yeah, of course you have.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Yeah, you have. No, we haven't.

[Caller or Co-host]

With that smile on your face.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

I think it's a funny concept, but no, we haven't.

[Caller or Co-host]

Stacey puts it in black and white photo.

Oh, no. Who is it that has? The friend who was. Whose father was. Had a heart attack or a stroke or something and was in the hospital and was like. They took out the feeding tube, and the guy left immediately and went and got the rip things, and then his father recovered.

Oh, no, I never heard that story.

Wasn't one of you guys.

No, no.

Yeah, it was the guy who's, like.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

He drove home, like, they said that. I mean, they brought the priest in probably to do that.

[Caller or Co-host]

Right. They did the whole thing, and they said he had whatever.

I mean, that's a. That's a happy ending, though, right?

And so as soon as they took out the. The, you know, breathing thing, the guy couldn't handle it. You know, he's like, I can't be in here. And left and went out and had a couple beers and got the rest in peace thing, and I went back to the family, and dad woke up.

Dad was okay.

I mean, it was obviously a long recovery, but you still had.

I'm trying to think what you could do.

[Caller]

You still had.

[Caller or Co-host]

Rip, rip, curl.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

There you go. Don't.

[Caller or Co-host]

You know, can you surf or something?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

You go on a family vacation. You could be vacationing on the equator, and you would never take your shirt off.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Oh, he's all right. Well, why'd you get that? Well, it's a Long story, but whoops. Or you just. You're tired of telling the story, so you're like, oh, thank you. Yeah, he passed away on 22nd. 89, I think. Yeah, 89.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Jason had a crappy weekend.

[Caller]

Jason, what's going on?

[Caller or Co-host]

What happened?

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

You still sound a little down bubby.

[Caller or Co-host]

Little remorse.

[Caller]

Oh yeah.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

What happened?

[Caller]

Got married June 6 this past weekend. My wife handed me divorce paper and tell me she was leaving me for one of my good girlfriends. Oh, wow.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

That's gonna get complicated.

[Caller]

Uh huh.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

So you just got married in June?

[Caller]

June 6th.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

June 6th. And she leaves you for one of your good girl friends?

[Caller]

Yes.

Damn.

[Caller or Co-host]

Damn.

Now did she tell you that she knew she was gay before or she's just in love with this woman or what's. What did she say?

[Caller]

I didn't even ask. Didn't even ask. Still have the papers with me right now. Debating on signing them right now.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Like, you know that before you get married, right? I mean, you know, you're.

[Caller or Co-host]

Of course you do.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

You know, she probably married you to.

[Caller or Co-host]

Be around that girl.

[Caller]

I mean, they weren't even around each other that much since we've been together, so I don't know.

[Caller or Co-host]

Okay.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Sucks, dude. I'm sorry.

[Caller or Co-host]

No, she knew.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

She knew. Yeah. She didn't become gay in six.

[Caller or Co-host]

It's almost like you may be the guy that she thought she had feelings for and give you a shot.

[Caller]

Yeah, I guess that could be it.

[Caller or Co-host]

She should have been honest with you.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

So she comes back today and she said that was stupid. It was just a thing. Will you take her back? No, that's it.

[Caller]

So why would you hesitate to get the paper? That means she wants to do it. So she changed her mind. That's her. I'm gone.

[Caller or Co-host]

So after that question the Burches asked you if, you know, if she wanted to work it out with you, you're saying no? Why would you say you wouldn't sign the papers then?

[Caller]

No, I'm just debating why I'm assigning eventually. Just when I get ready.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

It's just too much of a shock right now. You can't even. Yeah.

[Caller]

Exactly.

[Caller or Co-host]

I'm sorry.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

That sucks.

[Caller or Co-host]

Good luck.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

What is that?

[Caller or Co-host]

Is the other girl hot at least?

Oh, yeah.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

Okay, good.

[Caller or Co-host]

I think.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

And you never saw anything happening between the two of them at all like you never had? Like. Oh, you know what? I bet if I worked this hard, I bet I could get a little his and hers and hers going on there.

[Caller]

Uh, she stays in Arizona. Thank you for coming.

Sucks.

[Host (Possibly named Birch)]

That does suck, dude. Not exactly a remorse weekend. That's just a crap weekend.

[Caller or Co-host]

He didn't do anything wrong.

The Birch Show.