The Bert Show: "Vault: We Can't Believe The Weekend Remorse Listeners Confessed To"

Air Date: February 17, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show

Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, the Bert Show team invites listeners to share their most shocking and cringe-worthy stories of "weekend remorse." From regrettable tattoos and drunken mistakes to personal mishaps and unexpected heartbreaks, the episode highlights how easily a weekend can take a turn – and how sharing those moments can be both cathartic and hilarious. Set in the show's trademark funny and real style, both hosts and callers open up about moments they'd rather forget, offering commiseration, empathy, and plenty of laughs.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Call for Remorse Stories (01:59 – 02:44)

• The host (possibly Birch) kicks off with, "Is there anybody listening with some kind of weekend remorse right now?" and rattles off possible regrets—tattoos, inappropriate hook-ups, and impulsive purchases.
• The crew expects alcohol-induced confessions and jokes about the classic “regrettable tattoo.”

2. Tattoo Tales — Personal Remorse (02:44 – 03:40)

• Birch recounts a personal story: “A couple years ago I was down in Dallas…we go out, we get tattoos.” (02:36)
  • Classic “starter kit tattoo” stories—like Asian symbols or barbed wire bands—are mocked as youthful cliches.
  • “I've got the butterfly right by the genitalia.” (03:33)
  • Birch reflects on outgrowing these tattoos and hoping for better removal technology.

3. Listener Calls — Real Weekend Regrets

• Brush with Tragedy (04:09 – 04:54)

  • Denny calls to reference a Georgia Tech student whose parachute failed to open. Though not remorseful, he emotionally processes being tangentially connected to tragedy. The hosts gently pivot away after acknowledging the somber moment.
  • "Yeah, he needed to be tied in somehow to the guy that passed away this weekend." (04:45)

• Car Theft by Carelessness (05:01 – 06:06)

  • A listener admits to leaving her car unlocked out of tiredness; the next morning, it was gone. She’s shocked this happened in a “nicer” neighborhood. The cast empathizes, sharing similar “I’ll be fine” rationalizations.
  • “I never, never thought it would happen to me, but I understand it did.” (05:55)

• Lost Wedding Ring and New Marriages (06:06 – 07:51)

  • Omar, just married three months, lost his wedding ring at a family party. His wife is particularly sensitive about drinking, adding to the anxiety. The hosts devise humorous backup plans, jokingly suggesting he hide her ring if she ever loses it.
  • “I just realized, and I just left the house. I was like, I ain't gonna say nothing. I'm gone. Bye.” (06:45)
  • “That’s the difference between guys and women though. Like, a woman will notice...It’ll take you that long as a guy to figure out that [the ring]’s not on her finger anymore.” (07:31)

• Matching Tattoos with Ex–Best Friend (07:57 – 08:56)

  • Stacy ruefully reveals she and a friend got matching tattoos while under the influence; they are no longer speaking. The hosts laugh about the “best friends forever” curse of permanent body art.
  • “Let’s just say we weren’t in our right mind.” (08:38)

4. Tattoo Culture — From Bonding to Regret (08:56 – 10:10)

• The crew pokes fun at the trend of matching tattoos and recounts stories of “best friend” tattoos outlasting friendships.

• "When I see...we have the same tattoos...I look at it, and I’m just like, we were such tools.“ (08:56)

• They mock the photos people take to commemorate these bonds—and the awkwardness of matching (or removing) them later.

• A tangent includes a wild story about getting a “RIP” tattoo only for the family member to miraculously recover—a darkly funny take on premature permanent decisions.

5. Heartbreak and Shocking Revelations (11:32 – 13:45)

• Jason calls, distraught: married June 6th, his wife left him that weekend for one of his close female friends.
  • “My wife handed me divorce paper and tell me she was leaving me for one of my good girlfriends.” (11:42)
  • The hosts are stunned, ask if he saw any signs, and joke awkwardly as they try to lighten the mood.
  • “That does suck, dude. Not exactly a remorse weekend. That’s just a crap weekend.” (13:45)
  • Despite the humor, there's genuine sympathy for Jason’s pain.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We just have a lot of disagreements. I mean, the guy she’s dating, the guy that I’m dating, it’s just not working out… Let’s just say we weren’t in our right mind.”
  — Stacy, on matching tattoos with a now ex-friend (08:11 & 08:38)

• “That is one of the most overrated things…we were such tools. It’s just the most ridiculous.”
  — Host Birch, mocking his impulse tattoo history (08:56)

• “I'm not gonna say nothing until I, like, can’t find it at all. I’m like, look, baby, things is going wrong.”
  — Omar, on hiding his lost wedding ring from his wife (06:59)

• “My wife handed me divorce paper and tell me she was leaving me for one of my good girlfriends.”
  — Jason, conveying the lowest point of the episode (11:42)

• “That does suck, dude. Not exactly a remorse weekend. That’s just a crap weekend.”
  — Host Birch, closing out Jason's segment with candor and commiseration (13:45)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:59] — Segment introduction: “Who’s got weekend remorse?”
• [02:36] — Birch’s tattoo regret story
• [04:09] — Denny on parachute accident
• [05:01] — Car theft due to unlocked car
• [06:11] — Omar’s lost wedding ring dilemma
• [07:57] — Stacy’s matching tattoo regret
• [08:56] — Conversation on cliche bonding tattoos
• [11:32] — Jason’s unexpected divorce revelation

Tone & Style

The episode maintains a breezy, teasing, and authentic vibe even while touching on serious or somber stories. The cast balances empathetic advice with sharp humor, creating a safe space for both lighthearted and heavy admissions. Their willingness to poke fun at themselves fosters an environment where listeners can also laugh at their own missteps.

Summary Takeaway

If you’ve ever woken up after a wild weekend and cringed at your decisions—this episode is for you. Through confessions that are sometimes painful, often hilarious, and always relatable, The Bert Show reminds us that we all have regrets. Sometimes you just need to tell your story and let the laughs (or commiseration) roll.