Vault: We Discuss Air Brushing Kids Pictures

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: We Discuss Air Brushing Kids Pictures"

Podcast by Pionaire Podcasting
Episode Date: February 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show takes a candid, humorous, and at times critical look at the growing trend of airbrushing and retouching elementary school pictures. The hosts reminisce about their own picture day mishaps, discuss societal pressures on kids (especially girls), and debate the consequences of perfecting children's photos at such a young age. Listeners call in with their own stories, providing a multi-generational perspective on the evolving role of school portraits, personal insecurities, and parental expectations.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Nostalgia and Personal Stories of School Picture Day

• The hosts reminisce about the unique excitement and anxieties of school picture day, stressing that for young kids, the pressure mainly comes from parents eager to share photos with relatives.

  • “Your parents used to put pressure on you back in the day to look good. I mean, that is gonna be your legacy from kindergarten or whatever.” (B, 00:20)

• Humorous personal anecdotes highlight the imperfections and mishaps that made childhood pictures memorable:

  • E tells her “poodle” haircut disaster story from eighth grade:
    “I told this lady I wanted layers in my hair. And she thought layers meant starting at the top of your head. So I look like a poodle because the layers started as bangs all the way down my face.” (E, 00:34)

  • Adorable but flawed details like cowlicks and missing teeth are remembered fondly.
    “There's always inevitably a missing tooth.” (C, 01:56)

2. Cultural Pressure and Modern Picture Day Anxiety

• A current eighth-grade listener, Angie, calls in to share the real-time anxiety she faces on picture day, underscoring how “perfect” appearances feel mandatory—especially for girls.

  • “It is so much pressure on, like, especially the girls because you just have to look perfect for the guys, for everything.” (F, 03:23)
  • “I actually stayed up last night till like what, like 11? And I just woke up like at 5:15ish. And I took a shower. So like my hair is like perfectly blow dried and just perfect.” (F, 04:38)

• Rituals around picking the “trendy” outfit, the awkwardness of posing, and the stress of awkward scheduling (like photos taken after PE) are discussed.

  • “They made us do it after pep—why would you do that?” (C, 03:55)
  • “Sixth grade PE is when we were just playing with the giant parachute.” (A, 04:22)

3. Absurdities and Mishaps on Picture Day

• The show’s tone blends relatable storytelling with over-the-top recollections:

  • Hilarious account of a student smashing a prop chair after a photographer kept asking him to change his pose.
    “He actually practiced his pose...Then finally he just said, no, I'm not going to do that. And he stood up and he started stomping around and he took the folding metal chair and he smashed the foam 91.” (A, 05:52)

• Listener “Billy Joe” shares about self-cut bangs and getting black eyes in a brawl prior to picture day, leading to tears from his mom when she receives the photos:

  • “I discovered that I wanted to cut my own hair...And then I ended up getting in a fight...gave me two black eyes and a busted lip. And when I got my pictures back, my mom just cried.” (D, 06:36)

4. The Rise in Airbrushing and Photo Retouching for Young Kids

• A Newsweek article is referenced, highlighting an industry boom in retouching kids' school photos—even for very young children.

  • “Photo agencies and a hoard of websites now offer retouching services that allow students to wipe out their every imperfection. Parents are signing up their children at younger and younger ages...” (B, 08:12)

• The group expresses skepticism and concern over airbrushing away the very features that make childhood photos endearing:

  • “If you had a big black eye or a big scratch...I almost understand that. But we're talking about everyday, normal kid photos where they're like, well, let's just airbrush those freckles because those aren't so perfect.” (C, 07:57)
  • “The rise in airbrushing is a byproduct of a culture consumed with the idea that the body is perfectible.” (B, 08:20)

• Shocking statistics and anecdotes are shared, like a teacher who reports 14 out of 15 parents requested retouching—including adding teeth and removing "back fat" on first graders.

  • “I have 15 kids in my class. 14 parents out of all 15 wanted their pictures retouched. They wanted teeth put Back in. They wanted freckles taken out. There was one girl that had back fat they wanted taken out.” (G, 10:43)

  • The digital photographer refused the back fat retouch:
    “The digital photographer that did it said he wouldn't do that. So I was proud of that.” (G, 11:19)

5. Consequences and Cultural Commentary

• Hosts express concern that retouching teaches children they aren't good enough as they are, and that parents are imposing unattainable standards too early.

  • “Let them have a tooth missing. You know, what's the big deal?” (G, 11:31)
  • “They don't need to have veneers in the first grade.” (C, 11:41)

• Commentary turns sarcastic as they imagine a kid getting abs airbrushed or parents turning to bizarre solutions.

  • “I'm gonna take my pictures. I have a six pack hair brushed in. I'm gonna be a cut first grader.” (A, 09:36)

  • “Hey, mom and dad, why don't you put your little pig on a treadmill?” (A, 11:45)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The thing that used to be endearing...is really the imperfection in them...that's what makes them cute, you know, because they're five years old or six years old.” (B, 02:24)
• “It's always the trendiest outfit, isn't it?” (C, 04:53)
• “The rise in airbrushing is a byproduct of a culture consumed with the idea that the body is perfectible.” (B, 08:20)
• “I have 15 kids in my class. 14 parents out of all 15 wanted their pictures retouched.” (G, 10:43)
• “Let them have a tooth missing. You know, what's the big deal?” (G, 11:31)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:20 – Parental pressure and school photo nostalgia
• 00:34–01:15 – Eighth grade hair disaster & importance of appearances
• 03:23–05:14 – Listener Angie describes modern picture day anxiety
• 05:17–06:34 – Absurd and memorable picture day reactions (chair incident)
• 06:36–07:01 – Listener Billy Joe’s black eyes and the aftermath
• 07:01–08:49 – Newsweek article and the retouching trend
• 10:43–11:41 – First-grade teacher reports on retouching requests
• 11:41–end – Hosts’ comedic and critical commentary on cultural implications

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Takeaways

• The episode balances humor and heartfelt stories with modern-day concerns about the pressure for perfection.
• Hosts and listeners agree: the charm of childhood photos lies in their imperfections.
• The episode concludes with a call for parents to embrace reality and let kids be kids—flaws, missing teeth, and all.

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This summary captures the spirit and substance of "Vault: We Discuss Air Brushing Kids Pictures," offering insightful context, highlighted moments, and direct quotes for those who want the key ideas without listening to the entire episode.

Transcript

[A]

The bird show.

[B]

All right, let's go back to elementary school here for just a couple of seconds here. Or even like kindergarten or pre K. Right. There was something really special about picture day.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Remember?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You had to make sure that you had your whole outfit picked out. It was gonna be the right shirt, and you got to leave class to go take your picture, which. That was always fun.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, and your parents used to put pressure on you back in the day to look good. I mean, that is gonna be your legacy from kindergarten or whatever. There's way more pressure now for kids with this photo, and we'll tell you why in a second. You remember picture Day because it was only a couple years ago for you.

[E]

Oh, I had a horrible experience on picture day in eighth grade. I went and got my hair cut before picture day because that's what you do. And I told this lady I wanted layers in my hair. And she thought layers meant starting at the top of your head. So I look like a poodle because the layers started as bangs all the way down my face. I wish you could see my hand motions. But it was layer, layer, layer, layer, layer. I looked like a freaking poodle. So I had to pull my hair back in a clip for my eighth grade picture. It was miserable.

[C]

And that's when it's so important, too, to a girl in the eighth grade. I don't think that there's a whole lot more important than your hair and your social standing.

[B]

Right.

[C]

So that is horrifying.

[E]

Scarred for life. I'm not even kidding. Scarred.

[B]

Yeah. It's one thing in the eighth grade when you're like self conscious about it, but when you get down to like the pre K or kindergarten or elementary school, you don't care. I mean, you're showing up, you're getting your pictures.

[A]

Well, then it's about your mom and dad, which is what you're gonna talk about with this thing. It's about mom and dad making sure in second grade because they're gonna be giving. That's when you get one five by seven for you and four for grandma and grandpa. One for other grandma and grandpa. And then like a deck of card size thing of wallet pictures and they're handing them out to people on the streets. Like when you go to Vegas and they're giving you the hooker things. Same thing. Your parents are out on the streets with the little five little wallet size.

[B]

One by two pictures, the little white trims all around.

[C]

And there's always inevitably a missing tooth.

[B]

Yeah. Which was cool.

[A]

And the Concentration on mom's face when she had to cut the wallet sized ones apart because she did not want to waste. At least. I know Donna.

[B]

Not even a centimeter, man.

[A]

I know Donna wanted to be right down the middle of that white space in between. And God forbid they accidentally slip and damage one of those pictures, and, you know, that'll cost him 11 cents.

[B]

The thing that used to be endearing about him, at least when you look back at him, though, is really the imperfection in him. Like Jen said, you know, like the missing tooth or a hair being out of place or.

[C]

Yeah, or like the cowlick on the. On the little boys pictures, they always had some sort of, like, something sticking up.

[B]

That's what makes them cute, you know, because they're five years old or six years old.

[A]

I like the free comb. Always got a free comb.

[C]

You did.

[B]

You must have lived in the rich side of Rochester.

[C]

The only time that they pulled out combs for us was in the.

[A]

We were together for seven years. Syracuse. I've never once said you grew up in Los Angeles.

[B]

It's the same thing. Rochester, Syracuse, upstate New York is all the same thing.

[A]

Syracuse.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And what is her name?

[B]

That is Wendy. It's all the same thing.

[A]

Well, I'm sorry you didn't get a, you know, a comb when you were, you know, in Modesto.

[B]

It's not the same. Upstate New York is upstate New York, man.

[A]

California is California.

[B]

That's not true. That's a legitimate state.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

Hey, angie, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[F]

Hey. I just wanted to say that today I'm in eighth grade, and today's actually my picture day. And it is so much pressure on, like, especially the girls because you just have to look perfect for the guys, for everything.

[A]

Get your hair done, the kind of sexy shirt.

[F]

Especially since, like, the people who take your picture are so weird. And then, like, you're perfect is perfect, and then they, like, make you move, and it just ruins it.

[B]

All right. Like, you have the perfect pose, right, when the hair is all perfect. And then they make you, like, do that neck twist thing, and it jacks the whole angle up, right?

[F]

Yeah, it's just horrible.

[C]

I remember one year in middle school that they made us do it after pepper.

[B]

Why would you do that? Well, maybe the thinking was you were gonna get, like, you take a shower and do everything and get showered.

[C]

No, I guess they just sent us to PE and it was just like, the timing of our class or whatever was getting picture.

[A]

Day after that, we didn't shower after sixth grade pe.

[C]

Mmh. Mm. I don't think we did either.

[B]

Yeah, I mean it certainly was offered. You just were too insecure to get naked in a shower. Are you kidding?

[A]

I don't even think it was offered. Really?

[C]

Yeah, we were just stinky.

[A]

Sixth grade PE is when we were just playing with the giant parachute. I think. I don't think we were doing it. I don't think we were doing it. Red rover, Red rover. We weren't doing anything. Sound like we were out sliding into home.

[B]

Angie, how long have you had your outfit picked out for?

[F]

I actually stayed up last night till like what, like 11? And I just woke up like at 5:15ish. And I took a shower. So like my hair is like perfectly blow dried and just perfect and yeah, I usually wake up like at 7.

[C]

It's always the trendiest outfit, isn't it?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you wearing? Like give, like from head to toe. What are you wearing for picture day today?

[F]

See, I'm wearing like these really cute, skinny like black jeans with this like patterned yellow shirt. It's really pretty, but you have to see it.

[A]

But Jessica Simpson wore when she was over in Iraq.

[B]

The thing is, you're gonna look back at those pictures in 15 years and go, what was I doing?

[F]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

We had a kid in our school who. And this is the senior pictures that he took, but he had ADD issues and he got mad and smashed the foam 91.

[B]

The what?

[A]

The big giant.

[B]

Giant.

[A]

He got all mad.

[C]

Is that the year you graduated? He had ADD issues. Sounds like he had bigger issues than that.

[A]

Well, they led to anger issues, but they kept reposing him and he. This poor guy is so funny now that I say it out loud. He actually practiced his pose.

[C]

Oh no.

[A]

And he apparently had people over at his house helping him practice his pose.

[B]

Dude, that's a guy.

[A]

Cause he was a bigger guy. And the photo guy kept saying, no, I want you to do it like this. And he wanted the standard, you know, thoughtful, pensive hand on the elbow. And the guy didn't want to do that. Like he wanted his elbows on his shoulders. And then finally he just said, no, I'm not going to do that. And he stood up and he started stomping around and he took the folding metal chair and he smashed the foam 91. And nobody else could get their pictures done that day because they didn't have another nine.

[C]

What was the dude's name? Because you know, you know his first.

[A]

And last name, I can't say because I know somebody from my high school. I graduated with 60 people, and one of the idiots moves to Atlanta. What the hell? I got stories about Wayne Sterling I want to tell people. Get out of town.

[B]

Hey, Billy Joe, you're on Q100. Hey.

[D]

Hey there. When I was in about first grade, a couple nights before picture day, I discovered that I wanted to cut my own hair. And I had banged probably about a half an inch short. And then I ended up getting in a fight with the neighborhood boys, and they beat the living stuff out of me and gave me two black eyes and a busted lip. And when I got my pictures back, my mom just cried.

[C]

Aw.

[B]

Here's where we're kind of going with this because there's an article in Newsweek now that says there's a huge industry for different photo studios that are touching up those pictures so you look absolutely perfect. So if this was back in the day, you'd show up with your.

[D]

I got a touch up for that one.

[B]

Yeah, you'd show up with your black eyes and your hair all jacked up and stuff. And then your parents would go and they would pay seven bucks and they would touch up your pictures to where they were absolutely perfect.

[C]

And we're talking about, like first and second graders here.

[B]

Yeah, it's mostly like six and seven and eight year olds.

[D]

Yes. And I mean, I don't know. I mean, there's so many kids at that age that figure, oh, we can cut our own hair. We don't need someone else to do it.

[B]

We should put up our own gallery of really jacked up.

[D]

Oh, that would be hilarious.

[B]

10 photo pictures and put them up online. Yours has got to be the first one with the two black eyes.

[A]

Like we did the scary Santas see.

[C]

Like the two black eyes seven years ago.

[D]

And if I'd have to really look for those pictures.

[C]

I almost get that, though. Like, if you had a big black eye or a big scratch on your face or something like from falling off your bike, I almost understand that. But we're talking about everyday, normal kid photos where they're like, well, let's just airbrush those freckles because those aren't so perfect.

[B]

Yeah, here's what it says in Newsweek. The photo agencies and a hoard of websites now offer retouching services that allow students to wipe out their every imperfection. Parents are signing up their children at younger and younger ages. One kid says, I have a 12 year old, and I'd be afraid that if I asked for the retouching, she'd think that she Just wasn't good enough. So she won't get her kids picture retouched. The rise in airbrushing is a byproduct of a culture consumed with the idea that the body is perfectible. And all of these parents now, and they say about 50% in Philadelphia now are taking their kids in to have their pictures retouched.

[C]

And you know that's not for black eyes or scratches, you know, that's for everyday just skin stuff or you know.

[A]

Or like stray hairs.

[C]

Yeah, the cowlick or whatever which is.

[B]

What makes it so cute and charming. Hey Jennifer, you're on Q100.

[G]

Hey there. How you guys doing?

[B]

Good, thanks.

[A]

Cleavage on a third grader.

[C]

Oh, Jeff dollar you did not even just think of that. Please TiVo. Please TiVo. Because that did not just happen because.

[B]

Of all the hormones in milk now it's there anyway.

[A]

No, I think it's not that. It's the fact that there's going to be other. There's going to be another.

[C]

Don't, don't.

[A]

A ten year old girl who's got starting to get some and then the.

[C]

Mom'S going to be like no, you did not even just say that.

[A]

Can you just put shadows in?

[C]

No.

[B]

Hey Jennifer, what's up?

[A]

I'm gonna take my pictures. I have a six pack hair brushed in. I'm gonna be a cut first grader.

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Oh my God. My next door neighbor had his school picture taken with his shirt off.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah, when he was in third grade.

[B]

Boy, that's a kid that definitely ended up on cops.

[C]

Or working in Swain Richards.

[B]

What's going on?

[G]

Jennifer, Good morning. How are you guys doing?

[C]

Good.

[G]

My son, he's 10 years old and.

[F]

He forgot to tell me that picture.

[G]

Day was that morning and the night before.

[F]

He's mixed so he's got really curly.

[D]

Hair and we took out his corn.

[F]

Rolls and forgot and his T shirt said I'm with the circus.

[C]

See, that's classic though.

[B]

That's a classic. I would keep it, man. I would keep it.

[C]

He will love that when he's older.

[G]

Well, he was bare spright.

[D]

Now that's beautiful.

[A]

So you would just airbrush it away?

[C]

Save it.

[A]

Just airbrush out the slogan on the shirt. And that's the best you can do?

[B]

This is beautiful. Hey Lynn, good morning. You'll be the last call. What's going on?

[G]

I am a first grade teacher and I have 15 kids in my class. 14 parents out of all 15 wanted their pictures retouched. They wanted teeth put Back in. They wanted freckles taken out. There was one girl that had back fat they wanted taken out.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And these kids are how old?

[C]

Oh, no.

[G]

They're six turning seven.

[A]

Just out of curiosity, what kind of school pictures are you taking? Where the backpack shows up?

[G]

It was the one where you have to turn, you know, on your head, back over your shoulder.

[B]

Yes. And you get that side shot. And the parents said, I want my kid's back fat taken out.

[G]

Yeah. And in fact, the digital photographer that did it said he wouldn't do that. So I was proud of that.

[C]

Very good.

[B]

And is this like a very elite part of town, or is. Is this a pretty common area?

[G]

It's a private school. I'll say that. So the parents are well off, but, I mean, their kids are six. Let them have a tooth missing. You know, what's the big deal?

[A]

Let them have their back bed.

[C]

They don't need to have veneers in the first grade.

[A]

Hey, mom and dad, why don't you put your little pig on a treadmill?

[B]

This kid is 6 years old.

[A]

Stop giving him every snickers that he asks for.

[B]

The kid is 6 years old.

[A]

Just saying.

[B]

14 out of 15 kids. She said 14 out of 15.

[A]

The bird show.