The Bert Show – Vault: We Try To Help Listeners Struggling In Their Relationships

Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Date: December 24, 2025
Featuring: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Summary By: Podcast Expert Summarizer

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on analyzing why women often stay in unhealthy, toxic, or even abusive relationships, a subject driven by a substantial influx of listener emails seeking advice. The Bert Show team, with input from callers, digs deep into the psychological, societal, and familial factors influencing women's relationship decisions. The tone is frank, empathetic, sometimes humorous, but always honest, aiming to support listeners struggling to leave difficult relationships or understand their own patterns.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the Topic: Reader Emails Highlighting Troubling Relationships

• [01:19-03:42]
  • Bert describes a surge in emails from women seeking advice, many detailing patterns of mistreatment, betrayal, and disrespect by their partners.
  • Shocking examples:
    • Boyfriend allows his ex to sleep in his bed ("He says he's an ass around me and doesn't know why; he tells me, 'we aren't married.'").
    • Partner quits job, is financially supported by girlfriend, controls the car she pays for, caught cheating ("He finally got a job at a restaurant. I found a note from a girl in his apron; I saw him kissing a girl. He yelled at me to go home and later told me it's my fault for smothering him.").
    • Bartender boyfriend flirts, collects numbers, says it’s just for tips.
  • Point of Focus: In all these stories, the women remain in the relationships.

2. Why Do Women Stay? Group Analysis

• [03:44-05:35]
  • The panel muses on men's vs. women's tolerance for bad relationships.
  • Kristin: "I think it depends on self-esteem. If your self-esteem is at 10, you're not staying in a relationship like this. If it's at 1, you may."
  • Cassie: "Women identify themselves mostly by their relationships; their core sense of self is tied up in personal relationships, more so than in jobs or other roles."
  • They agree that women might stay because relationships form a critical part of their identity.
  • D: "But why would you want to be identified as 'the girl who dates the guy who lets his ex sleep in his bed'?"
  • Cassie: "Some women would rather do that than be single."

3. The Fear of Being Alone

• [05:56-08:48]
  • Lindsey (caller): "They're just afraid of being without somebody."
  • Bert: "I think women fear being alone way more than men."
  • Multiple stories of single women expressing exhaustion at being alone, wanting someone to share life with—echoed in Bert’s anecdotes of his single female friends.
  • Kristin: "When you are alone, hanging out with everybody else who's in relationships or married, that just adds to it. And, yeah, it sucks being alone."

4. Societal Pressure & The "Failure" Factor

• [09:25-10:56]
  • Bert: "For a woman at 34, 35, 40, whatever, to be single, there is a part of her that has been taught that she's a failure because of that."
  • Men are not viewed as failures for being unmarried; women often are.
  • D: "Nobody looks at a guy who's 40 and single and says, 'oh, that poor guy.' But a 40-year-old single woman? People want to set her up."
  • Panel notes the emotional and cultural double standard.

5. Callers’ Stories: Personal Insight into Relationship Struggles

• April [06:58-07:27]: Married to a man who won’t work. Afraid to leave due to fear of being alone, and because she doesn't want to go through another divorce at 26.
• Rebecca [11:01-12:26]: Her mother is 44 and has been married five times, always to abusive partners. Mom is more depressed being single than in a bad relationship: "If they've got a pulse, she'll marry 'em."
• Caller [12:47-13:50]: Stayed five years in an abusive relationship: "If I had left, I wouldn't know what to wear when I got up or what to eat... My boyfriend was choosing my job." Only support from her mom and best friend finally helped her leave.

6. Cycle of Toxic Relationships & Family Modeling

• [05:35-06:55]
  • The show discusses how seeing dysfunctional relationships growing up—such as mothers tolerating abuse—can normalize these patterns for daughters.
  • Kristin: "If that's the home you grew up in and that's what you saw, you often repeat the cycle."
  • Also mentioned: Women sometimes set standards by positive father figures, making it hard for future partners to measure up.

7. Breaking the Cycle: Self-Esteem & Self-Love

• [15:34-17:32]
  • Christine (caller): "It boils down to one thing; they spend too much time loving somebody else and not enough time loving themselves."
  • Kristin adds that women aren't trained to have an ego, as nurturing is emphasized over self-care.
  • Jen: "To prevent this in young girls, you have to have someone who believes in you—parent, teacher, anyone who supports your self-esteem."

Notable Quotes / Memorable Moments & Timestamps

• Bert [03:44]: "Like, I don’t think guys would stick it out."
• Kristin [03:57]: "If your self-esteem...is at 10, you’re not staying in a relationship like this. If it’s at 1, you may stay."
• Cassie [04:17]: "Women identify themselves mostly by their relationships. To them, that’s the most important thing in their life."
• Lindsey (caller) [05:00]: "They're just afraid of being without somebody."
• Bert [07:27]: "Women would rather be in a relationship for the wrong reasons than be alone for the right reasons."
• F [08:48]: "Women are emotionally based. You've got friends, but that intimate relationship adds so much more."
• Bert [10:31]: "If a guy ends up single his whole life, he doesn’t look at it like, 'this is what I was bred to do.'"
• D [10:42]: "Nobody looks at a guy who's 40 and single and says, 'oh, that poor guy.' But if you see a 40-year-old woman...we gotta set her up with somebody."
• Rebecca (caller) [11:23]: "If they've got a pulse, she'll marry him."
• Christine (caller) [15:34]: "They spend too much time loving somebody else and not enough loving themselves."
• Jen [17:06]: "You have to have somebody that believes in you...that gives you that spark of self-esteem from the start."
• F [17:32]: "A lot of times these women have to say it for themselves...be the hero she’s looking for in someone else."
• D (humorous close) [17:42]: "All women should just act more like guys and be happy sitting on the couch and not talking about anything."
• C (host) [17:50]: "Can't y'all just change today? Today?"

Major Takeaways

• Fear and Loneliness: The show repeatedly identifies fear of loneliness—fueled by emotional, societal, and familial pressures—as the primary driver for women staying in bad relationships.
• Role of Self-Esteem: Women's self-worth is often externally validated by relationship status, and those with higher self-esteem are less likely to tolerate harmful behaviors.
• Family Influence: Patterns of behavior are learned and reinforced from an early age, including tolerating abuse or idealizing relationships.
• Call to Action: The cast and callers agree on the importance of teaching and modeling self-love and self-reliance for young girls. Breaking these patterns is hard—but possible.
• Empathy and Realism: The hosts show understanding about how difficult it is to leave and don't minimize the emotional complexity—even when sometimes using humor to lighten the conversation.

Listen to the Episode

This summary distills the substance and the spirit of the conversation. If you’re struggling in a relationship, the Bert Show’s mix of honesty, community engagement, and practical wisdom offers not just entertainment—but encouragement to find your own strength and look for support.

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