Vault: What Are Doctors Really Hiding From You?

Summary

---

The Bert Show: Vault – What Are Doctors Really Hiding From You?

Release Date: February 13, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and callers

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the lesser-known truths of the medical world, inspired by a Reader’s Digest list compiled from the candid confessions of anonymous doctors. With their signature humor, skepticism, and authenticity, the hosts debate what doctors “really” do and don’t tell patients. Nurses and medical professionals call in to validate or challenge these inside revelations, resulting in a revealing, entertaining, and occasionally shocking conversation about modern healthcare dynamics, doctor-patient relationships, and medical culture.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Psychological Power Plays in Medicine

[02:06]

• Doctors reportedly put uncooperative patients in gowns to assert control and subservience.
  • Bert reads: “I was told in school to put a patient in a gown when he isn’t listening or cooperating. It casts him in a position of subservience.”
  • Kristin and the crew debate if this is manipulative or simply practical.

Notable Quote:

“Psychologically, absolutely. I mean, there’s that little itty bitty cloth thing, and your junk can be hanging out at any minute.” — Bert [02:13]

---

2. Doctors’ Tricks for Difficult Patients

[02:41]

• Some doctors stage a fake emergency page to escape chatty or problematic patients.
  • Bert: “If the pager goes off while you’re in there, you just may think, like, you’re being a big old pain in the butt.”

---

3. Easier to Prescribe (and Why DTC Ads Matter)

[03:03]

• Doctors will sometimes write unnecessary prescriptions just to appease insistent patients, particularly due to drug advertising.
  • Abby notes: “A lot of patients...see commercials now for specific medicines…The purpose is so that the patient demands it of the doctor.”

---

4. Pharmaceutical Influence & Ethics

[03:37]

• 94% of doctors have accepted gifts from pharmaceutical companies, despite known ethical concerns.
  • Cast compares this with media and legal professions, noting the apparent double standard.

Memorable Exchange:

“You can’t do that, really, in any business… But for whatever reason, in that industry, it’s perfectly acceptable to say, ‘Hey, we’re having a conference—finger quotes—at these houses down in Seaside, Florida.’” — Bert [04:05]

---

5. Hospital Hacks (and Hazards)

[05:03]

• Avoid Friday afternoon surgeries; hospitals are often understaffed on weekends.
• White coat length myth confirmed: the longer the coat, the more advanced the doctor.

Memorable Moment:

“Medical students wear the shortest coats.” — Bert quoting from the list [05:25]
“That can’t be real.” — Abby [05:42]

---

6. Defensive Medicine & Lawsuits

[05:48]

• Fear of litigation causes doctors to order extra (possibly unnecessary) tests.
  • Bert: “It makes me give patients a lot of unnecessary tests that are potentially harmful just so I don’t miss an injury or problem that comes back to haunt me…”

---

7. Behind-the-Scenes Opinions & Referrals

[06:06]

• Doctors often gossip about patients’ appearance.
• Many referrals are based merely on insurance, not any special interpersonal trust between doctors.

“Generally, we only know that they accept your insurance plan. I didn’t know that.” — Bert [06:34]

---

8. Waiting Room Realities

[07:02]

• Doctors often prioritize their own schedule; patients may wait for hours.
  • Bert recounts leaving an office after waiting three hours: “Three hours! How about a call?” [07:41]

---

9. Doctors’ Emotions & Hand Washing Lapses

[07:44]

• Some doctors cry about patient situations in private.
• 60% don’t follow hand-washing guidelines.

“That creeps me out. You don’t know whose hands, who they had their hands on before you.” — Kristin [08:02]

---

10. Covering for Each Other

[08:08]

• 46% admit to ignoring impaired or error-prone colleagues.

---

11. Attractiveness Bias

[08:57]

• Doctors admitted (in this survey) that younger and more attractive patients may get more time.

“If you are going into the hospital and there are three patients… and the doctor has time to give to one of them… 22-year-old getting right front of the line.” — Cassie [09:45]

---

12. Calls from Nurses – Real World Confirmation

Alyssa [10:21]:

• “I find it very, very accurate. Sometimes we get a little shocked about how doctors do respond to patients… certain fields… have that, ‘I’m better than you, you’ll be the submissive, subservient patient’.”

• Surgeons as “the gods of the medical field”—acknowledged egos.

  • “I want my surgeon arrogant.” — Bert [11:30]
  • Alyssa: “A lot of times the more arrogant, the worse.” [11:55]

• Operating Room Secrets:

  • Patients are joked about, poked fun at, or “wiggled and jiggled” under anesthesia (according to other nurses, not personal experience).

“They have said that their physicians, their surgeons have done some pretty mean things to these patients while they’re under.” — Alyssa [12:21]

---

13. White Coat Ranking Confirmed by Nurses

[13:01]

• RN caller confirms the coat-length hierarchy.

  • “If you are a medical student and you are in the hospital, you have a short coat… but they all wear long coats and then your medical students wear your short coat.” — Emory RN [13:09]

• Pro tip: Don’t schedule surgery July 1 (when new doctors start at teaching hospitals). [13:55]

---

14. Rebuttal on Drug Company Gifts & Reality of Medical Reps

Angel, OR Surgical Nurse [14:25]:

• Insists it’s illegal for doctors to accept gifts (even lunch) without an educational component; fines up to $100,000 per occurrence.

  • “If a rep brings lunch and they’re not giving some sort of educational in-service, it is against the law.” [14:25]

• Reps manage to skirt rules by including “education” with the lunch, but the cast expresses patients should come before reps in scheduling.

---

Memorable Quotes

• “I find it very, very accurate. Sometimes we get a little shocked about how doctors do respond to the patients...” — Alyssa, Nurse [10:28]
• “That creeps me out. You don’t know whose hands, who they had their hands on before you.” — Kristin [08:02]
• “If the next day [after surgery] is Saturday, you’re flying by yourself without a safety net because the units are understaffed…” — Bert, quoting a doctor [05:13]
• “It is against the law for doctors to take a gift. They fine up to $100,000 per event.” — Angel, Surgical Nurse [14:25]

---

Useful Timestamps for Key Segments

• Psychological tactics (patient gown): 02:06
• Doctor shortcuts/fake emergencies: 02:41
• Prescription pressures & ads: 03:03
• Pharma gifts & business ethics: 03:37
• Surgery timing warning: 05:03
• White coat/medical hierarchy: 05:25, 13:01
• Lawsuit-driven testing: 05:48
• Doctor referrals reality: 06:34
• Nurse call-ins with insider confirmation: 10:21, 13:01, 14:25

---

Tone and Takeaway

Lighthearted, candid, and sometimes irreverent, the cast maintains the spirit of open conversation—even when blowing the whistle on the medical profession. Nurse call-ins add depth and realism, often confirming the more shocking claims but also clarifying legal and practical realities.

Bottom line:
No need for paranoia, but the episode shows that the doctor-patient relationship hides plenty of unspoken, pragmatic, and even human quirks. From power dynamics and egos to waiting room etiquette and backroom gossip, medicine is full of secrets—some harmless, some outrage-worthy, most surprisingly relatable.

---

Transcript

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Want to feel more confident with your finances this year? If you have 60 seconds, I can show you how quick and easy it is to start building healthy money habits that could last you the entire year just by using Rocket Money. Step one, Download Rocket Money. Step two, Link all your accounts and see your entire spending. Picture your subscriptions, your upcoming bills, your due dates, everything. Step three, Tap a subscription you don't use and cancel it. Boom. That's money back every single month. Step four, Create a financial goal for something you want to save for. Whether it be a vacation, a retirement account, or a pet's birthday, we don't judge. Now, let the app automatically move small amounts of cash towards your goal. In a month, you'll see real dollars piling up. In a year, you'll be shocked at how much money you saved, similar to the over 10 million members on the app that have saved up to $740 a year. When using all of the app's premium features, use the Savings Challenge as one step closer to feeling better about your finances. [e-mail] cancel. That's RocketMoney.com one more time, it's RocketMoney.com cancel.

[Host 1]

Are you really buying a car online on autotrader right now?

[Host 2]

Really?

[Host 1]

At a playground?

[Host 2]

Yeah, really.

[Host 1]

Look at these listings from dealers. Wow, your search can really get that specific.

[Host 2]

Really?

[Host 1]

And you just put in your info and boom. Car's in your budget.

[Host 3]

Mom needs a second.

[Host 2]

Honey.

[Host 1]

You can really have it delivered.

[Host 2]

Really? Or I can pick it up at the dealership.

[Host 3]

One sec, sweetie.

[Host 1]

Mommy's buying a car. Mommy, look. I think you kid is walking up the slide, Kyle.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Again?

[Host 2]

Really? Autotrader? Buy your car online? Really?

[Host 3]

The Birch Show. So Reader's Digest Here, I'll read right from their website. Man, I know we got a lot of doctors and a lot of nurses listening. They offer two dozen doctors a chance to tell it like it really is. And general practitioners, surgeons, shrinks, pediatricians, other specialists really took the challenge. Most of them wanted to be anonymous, although a couple of them let their identities known. But some of this stuff here is really scary. The first one I told you guys about is I was told in school to put a patient in a gown when he isn't listening or cooperating. It cast him in a position of subservience.

[Host 2]

I think that would be totally true.

[Host 3]

I mean, psychologically, absolutely. I mean, there's that little itty bitty cloth thing, and your junk can be hanging out at any minute.

[Host 2]

That almost makes sense to me. I almost don't Have a problem with that.

[Host 3]

I don't even know why it would have to be a situation where one person would have to be up here and the other one down here. Anyway, he's the doctor and you're the patient. You're already at a place where.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but he's saying, if the patient was.

[Host 3]

Isn't uncooperative, strip them down naked.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 3]

I used to have my secretary page me after I had spent five minutes in the room with a difficult or overly chatty patient, that then I'd run out saying, oh, I have an emergency. So if the pager goes off while you're in there, you just may think, like, you're being a big old pain in the butt. Sometimes it's easier for a doctor to write a prescription for a medicine than to explain why the patient doesn't need it.

[Host 2]

Really?

[Host 1]

Well, you know, I have to say, though, I think that a lot of patients probably go in there. You see commercials now for specific medicines. Those medicines are not being prescribed to you, but you see the commercial for it. And the purpose of that is so that the patient demands it of the doctor. And so I need Levitra. Yeah.

[Host 4]

Why? Because the guy walking in the park looks so happy.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Or you have to give me an antibiotic for this. Well, the doctor's like, well, you don't need an antibiotic. Well, I need an antibiotic for this. So I wonder if it's.

[Host 3]

Rather than just arguing, it's like, great, take the Levitra. Get out of my office. I've got nine other patients lined up.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 3]

94% of doctors take gifts from drug companies, even though research has shown that these gifts biased our clinical decision making.

[Host 4]

I have a significant problem with that. Pharmaceutical companies.

[Host 3]

You would think a lobbyist would do something about that one. Well, lobbyists probably working for the lobby.

[Host 4]

You're not gonna find a. Probably bigger lobby than the pharmaceutical industry.

[Host 3]

Yeah. I think some senator would stand up and say, yeah, this has gotta stop.

[Host 1]

A lot of money in pharmaceuticals.

[Host 4]

Well, I just think that, like, in our industry, for example, you cannot legally, as a record company employee, come in with, like, the new Kanye West CD and hand it to the program director who makes a decision about what music to play with. A fresh baked apple pie, for example, or a trip to Sea island for the weekend to stay in a beautiful. You can't do that because then you'll be influenced to play that record over that. You can't do that, really, in any business. Like, you can't go see the judge about getting a permit to Build something on your land and offer him a trip. You can't. But for whatever reason, in that industry, it's perfectly acceptable to say, hey, we're having a conference. Finger quotes. At these, you know, these houses down in Seaside, Florida. You should come down. Of course you're gonna be influenced their brand overnight.

[Host 2]

Yeah, right.

[Host 3]

This one actually might be pretty good advice. Avoid Friday afternoon surgery. Have you guys ever heard this one? Mm, mm, mm. Avoid Friday afternoon surgery. The day after surgery is when most problems happen. If the next day is Saturday, you're flying by yourself without a safety net because the units are understaffed and ERs are overwhelmed because doctor's offices are closed.

[Host 1]

Hmm.

[Host 2]

Makes sense.

[Host 3]

Good advice in many hospitals. I had no idea if this is true or not. I had no idea. In many hospitals, the length of the white coat is related to the length of training. Medical students wear the shortest coats.

[Host 2]

Really?

[Host 1]

Really.

[Host 3]

That's something to look for the next time you're in there.

[Host 4]

That's good. It's an urban legend, isn't it? That can't be real.

[Host 3]

These are legitimate doctors.

[Host 2]

Hmm.

[Host 3]

Not a day goes by when I don't think about the potential of being sued. It makes me give patients a lot of unnecessary tests that are potentially harmful just so I don't miss an injury or problem that comes back to haunt me, and in the form of a lawsuit.

[Host 1]

I believe that we are a lawsuit happy country right now.

[Host 3]

You can understand that one. It's pretty common for doctors to talk about their patients and make judgments, particularly about their appearance, which is walking a real fine line. Like, if the person's not healthy, you'll obviously want to talk to other doctors about that. But if somebody just comes in there looking all sloppy, your doctor's saying, man, did you check out Javi today?

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Woo.

[Host 3]

She put it on.

[Host 2]

That's terrible. But I'm sure that that's just like office gossip. Their office just happens to be where you go to the doctor.

[Host 3]

You know, everyone thinks all doctors know one another, but when we refer you to specialists, we often have no idea who those people are. Generally, we only know that they accept your insurance plan. I didn't know that.

[Host 2]

I didn't know that either.

[Host 3]

I thought that there was some kind of relationship there. And this is another doctor that they trusted, this doctor saying, that's not the case. Doctors are only interested in whether they are inconvenienced. Most don't care if you have to wait for them.

[Host 2]

I know that that's subjective, though, don't you think? I mean, that May be the majority, but that seems kind of like an opinion more than.

[Host 3]

I don't know, I'd say more often than not. I've talked about this before. I think how unfair I think it is that you have to sit in a doctor's office sometimes 90 minutes before you get in there. Yeah. I find that to be more the. The case and the exception.

[Host 4]

You didn't you leave a doctor's office twice?

[Host 3]

Couple times, yeah.

[Host 4]

The same doctor's. I was like two consecutive weeks. You got out of there?

[Host 3]

Well, there's one for my knee where I was supposed to get some.

[Host 4]

That's right.

[Host 3]

Radiologist, some radiology done. And yeah, they were, they were three hours late. I got to the officer like, well, we're running behind. Three hours. Three hours. How about a call?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 3]

Though we don't cry in front of you. We sometimes do cry about your situation at home, which I sort of like to hear about.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 3]

I believe that 60% of doctors. These are shocking stats. 60% of doctors don't follow hand washing guidelines.

[Host 2]

60%.

[Host 3]

60%, yeah.

[Host 2]

Oh, that creeps me out. You don't know whose hands, who they had their hands on before you.

[Host 3]

96% of doctors agree they should report impaired or incompetent colleagues are those who make serious mistakes. 96% say they should. 46% of them admit to having turned a blind eye at least once.

[Host 2]

Yeah. It's kind of like a community that protects each other. Right. Because it goes back to the whole suing thing. Nobody wants to get sued. They're all afraid of getting sued and all those medical malpractice things. So if you sell out another doctor, they could sell you out.

[Host 1]

I know that one is human nature too, because there's so many people that think about doing the right thing and then don't.

[Host 3]

Mm. I know that my sister in law works in South Carolina and she saw a doctor that was coming in inebriated a couple of different times and turned him in. And all the nurses and doctors turned on her.

[Host 4]

Really?

[Host 3]

Yep.

[Host 2]

Really.

[Host 3]

He was coming in drunk and they turned on her. And one last one from a doctor. Doctors have a limited amount of time, so the younger and more attractive you are, the more likely you are to get more of our time.

[Host 4]

Totally believe that.

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Really?

[Host 4]

Yep.

[Host 1]

Well, that's assuming that all the doctors talking about are men.

[Host 4]

I think if you. Women too. I think if you are going into the hospital and there are three patients to be taken care of and one of them is a 95 year old woman suffering from dementia, who wandered out of her house and was, you know. Hypothermia, right? That's right. Exposed to cold. Then you have a 60 year old guy with chest pains and you have a 22 year old new mother.

[Host 3]

You think he's gonna.

[Host 4]

And the doctor has time to give to one of them.

[Host 3]

22 year old getting right front of the line.

[Host 4]

Why not? 95 year old's been on the earth 95 years, she's already sick. She wandered out of her house. Why wouldn't. I mean it's human nature.

[Host 3]

Let's do checks and balances to see if this is actually accurate.

[Host 2]

I was thinking that the 95 year old would be the one they picked. Because that'd be the most critical.

[Host 3]

No, because one of these that I actually eliminated cuz I just took the most shocking. There were 41 of them. And they'll all be up on our website at allthehitsq100.com, but one of them said that so often as doctors we see elderly, that it's so refreshing to see young people come in that we see them first. Wow. Good morning. Alyssa, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Nurse Caller]

Hi. Good morning. I love you guys.

[Host 3]

Thank you. Are you a nurse?

[Nurse Caller]

I am.

[Host 3]

Do you find this list generally accurate or just hype?

[Nurse Caller]

I find it very, very accurate. I do find it accurate. Sometimes we get a little shocked about how doctors do respond to the patients and they. I wouldn't say a lot of them have ego trips, but the majority of certain fields of doctors you're going to see have that. I'm better than you. You're going to listen to what I say. You'll be the submissive, subservient patient. You also, you didn't have anything on there. I don't know if there was any surgeons that had made comments, but there is some very awful and interesting things that go on in the OR while you are under anesthesia.

[Host 1]

You can't be general. Come on, you gotta be specific. We need one story. And which fields are more egotistical than others?

[Nurse Caller]

I think the surgeons are a little more egotistical just because they think that they're the gods of the met of the medical field.

[Host 3]

I got to tell you, I want my. I want my surgeon arrogant.

[Host 4]

I want him kidding.

[Host 3]

I want him going in there thinking that. That there's nothing can stop.

[Host 4]

Indestructible.

[Host 3]

Indestructible. I want that.

[Host 4]

And no matter what, he's not going to walk out of there with me in a bad place. He's going to walk out of there and I'm going to be better than I was when I went in.

[Host 3]

As a nurse, I would imagine sometimes that gets unbearable. But I could tell you as a patient, the more arrogant I think the better off for me as a patient.

[Host 4]

What are some of the things.

[Nurse Caller]

A lot of times the more arrogant, the worst.

[Host 1]

The surgeon really something to prove.

[Host 4]

What are some things that happen when people are under anesthesia in the operating room?

[Nurse Caller]

Things get kind of wiggled and jiggled and made fun of or poked and prodded and made fun of.

[Host 3]

Are you telling me that like when a guy is just laid out, he's under all that anesthesia, you guys are making fun of his size of his ear?

[Nurse Caller]

I don't know. Now, for personal experience, I do not know. I just have other nurse friends who are surgical nurses like, or nurses. And they have said that their physicians, their surgeons have done some pretty mean things to these patients while they're under.

[Host 3]

It's jacked up. If I come through it okay, though, that's all right.

[Host 1]

As long as. I don't know.

[Host 2]

Jiggle my cellulite all you want. Just fix my heart or my head.

[Host 1]

Or whatever it is.

[Host 4]

I don't know that she's talking about cellulite.

[Host 3]

I think she's talking about your parts, you know, like maybe your boy parts.

[Host 2]

I don't have boy parts.

[Host 4]

No, but I think that's what she's referring to.

[Host 3]

This is the one that we were like. Really? In many hospitals, the length of the white coat is related to the length of training. Medical students wear the shortest coats. Is it true?

[Nurse Caller]

Yes, yes.

[RN Caller]

I'm RN on my way into Emory right now. And if you are a medical student and you are in the hospital, you have a short coat. If you are an actual doctor, you have a long coat.

[Host 3]

I had no idea.

[RN Caller]

Different levels of residency as well, where you have your attending, your fellow, your first year resident, your second year resident, your third year resident. So honestly, you really don't know what level resident you're having come in to look at you. But you have your attending, but they all wear long coats and then your medical students wear your short coat.

[Host 3]

That is great.

[Host 1]

Interesting.

[Host 3]

If we could stop the show today and I'd be happy.

[Host 2]

It's good information.

[Host 3]

I never knew that the next time you're in a doctor's office or the next time you're in a hospital, you'll look for that, right?

[RN Caller]

Students are first graduating if you go to a teaching Hospital and July 1 is their first day before. So you never want to go July 1st?

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Okay.

[Host 3]

Very good advice. Thank you.

[Host 2]

There's a whole bunch of people rescheduling surgery today.

[Host 3]

And one last one here. Angel. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Nurse Caller]

Good morning.

[Host 3]

Good morning.

[Host 1]

Hi.

[Nurse Caller]

Hi.

[Host 4]

Turn your radio all the way down, please.

[Host 2]

Please.

[Nurse Caller]

Okay.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Sorry.

[Host 3]

Okay, go ahead.

[Nurse Caller]

Just calling because there was one comment y' all said about the doctors take gifts and it is against the law for the doctors to take a gift. I'm an or surgical nurse, and it is against law. They find up to $100,000 per event that the state or the government finds that they have taken a gift. This includes to be food, lunch. Lunch is included. If a rep brings lunch and they're not giving some sort of educational in service, it is against the law.

[Host 3]

This says 94% of doctors take gifts from drug companies. 94%.

[Host 4]

You talk about the educational thing. That means with the sandwich, all they have to do is include a brochure about their new prescription medicine and they're covered.

[Nurse Caller]

They have to actually teach something, not give a brochure. They have to actually teach something in order to bring food in.

[Host 4]

Right. So they can hand them the food and go, here, enjoy this sandwich. By the way, way, my pill will help you sleep.

[Host 1]

You know what? And I have to say that as a patient, I always get irritated when the reps are there and get in before me. Or like the reps don't pay attention to the patients in the waiting room. And I see that with their roller bags all the time. And then it irritates me a little bit.

[Host 3]

I have never thought about it. I've always just assumed that the reps are there on a schedule also. The same way you schedule your visit, they're scheduling their visit. I've never thought they just show up and they get in.

[Host 1]

Well, they may schedule it, but for some reason it irritates me. I think the rep should. I think the patient should be in there first and the reps, at the.

[Host 3]

End of the day, like maybe between like 6 and 7 or 5 and 6, and you just wheel them in one at a time.

[Host 1]

I think that, yeah, that the medical patients are priority and those reps are last.

[Host 3]

The Birch show.