Vault: What Do You Do When Your Date Already Knows Who You Are?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: What Do You Do When Your Date Already Knows Who You Are?"

Air Date: April 2, 2026
Main Cast: Bert (B), Kristin (D), Abby (E), Cassie (F), Tommy (not directly quoted), Melanie (Listener/Guest, C)
Episode Theme:
This episode centers around listener Melanie’s awkward dating situation—her date may not know who she really is, and the vulnerable territory of being stood up. The Bert Show crew dives into Melanie’s experience, explores possible motivations behind her date’s actions, and offers personal anecdotes and support.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode unfolds Melanie’s story: After a night out where she met a guy, she receives a week of confusing texts suggesting he might have her confused with one of her friends. The Bert Show revisits the drama to hear what happened on her planned date, discusses the modern dating landscape, and offers empathetic and comedic support for listeners navigating similar humiliations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Melanie’s Recap: The Mix-Up and Insecurity (00:30–01:17)

• Situation Recap:
  Melanie recounts how, after a night out with girlfriends, a guy’s friend comes back to get her number for him, but his follow-up texts suggest he might think she’s someone else.
• Identity Concerns & Insecurities:
  Melanie fears he’s confusing her for a friend, and references her past insecurities about her appearance (“in high school, she was bigger than she is now”) that might be coloring her interpretation of the situation.
  • (01:17, Abby/E): “We felt like a lot of her interpretation…was based on the fact that she felt…the sense of rejection or fear of rejection...you gotta get that out of your head.”

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2. Taking Action: Melanie Clears the Air (02:06–02:45)

• Melanie’s Approach:
  Rather than face an awkward “wrong person” moment, Melanie calls the guy before the date to clarify. He confesses he did think she was someone else, but says he liked talking to her and still wanted to meet:
  • (02:29, Melanie/C): “He said, to be honest, I really did think you’re someone else. He said, but I enjoyed talking to you that night too. So let’s, you know, meet up at Maggiano’s.”
• Group Reaction:
  The cast celebrates her honesty and emotional courage.
  • (02:46, Kristin/D): “Cool. Cleared the air before it started.”

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3. The Disappointment—Getting Stood Up (02:50–03:13)

• Melanie’s Story:
  Despite her effort, Melanie is stood up at the restaurant:
  • (02:50, Melanie/C): “I got there early and he never showed up. He never showed up yet he stood me up.”
  • (03:02, Melanie/C): “And I texted him and he never wrote me back.”
• Cohosts’ Reactions:
  • (02:58, Bert/B): “Oh, what a tool.”
  • (02:58, Kristin/D): “No way.”
  • (02:59, Abby/E): “I can’t believe he did that.”

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4. Trying to Make Sense of It—Speculation and Empathy (03:13–07:06)

• Feelings of Rejection:
  Bert relates his own experience of being stood up, describing the loneliness and confusion it brings.
  • (05:22, Bert/B): “It’s the loneliest feeling ever. That’s when I made the 30 minute rule up. Like if you don’t hear anything in 30 minutes, then just go about your night.”
• No Clear Answers:
  The team and listeners call in, trying to guess the guy’s motivation—did he chicken out, get cold feet, or never intend to come?
  • (06:16, Anthony/Listener): “He’s just a big jerk. He isn’t even worth your time. Basically what happened was…maybe one of his buddies said, let’s do this. Then he went along with it and totally ditched her.”

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5. The Power of Support and Humor (07:44–09:23)

• Listener Theories:
  Callers attempt to offer alternate scenarios—maybe the wrong Maggiano’s? A prank by a friend?
  • (07:22, Steve/Listener): “Did she go to the right Maggiano’s, being that there’s three here in Atlanta?”
  • (07:57, Nikki/Listener): “…his friend that went back into the bar to get the number was kind of playing a prank on him?”
• Panel Advice:
  Ultimately, the consensus is that there’s simply “zero excuse” for not sending a polite cancellation text, regardless of circumstance.
  • (08:57, Bert/B): “The bottom line…is there is zero excuse for not just sending a text, even if there was an emergency…So he’s a big old bouche, and you’re better off without that.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• (01:17, Abby/E): “We felt like…she felt…the sense of rejection or fear of rejection, and we were like, you got to get that out of your head…”
• (02:29, Melanie/C): “…to be honest, I really did think you’re someone else. He said, but I enjoyed talking to you that night too. So let’s, you know, meet up at Maggiano’s.”
• (02:58, Bert/B): “Oh, what a tool.”
• (05:22, Bert/B): “It’s the loneliest feeling ever…if you don’t hear anything in 30 minutes, then just go about your night.”
• (06:16, Anthony/Listener): “He’s just a big jerk. He isn’t even worth your time.”
• (08:57, Bert/B): “There is zero excuse for not just sending a text…”
• (09:19, Abby/E): “Sorry about that.”

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Major Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:30–01:17: Recap of Melanie’s dilemma and personal insecurities
• 02:06–02:45: Melanie clears the air with her date over the phone
• 02:50–03:13: Melanie reveals she was stood up
• 05:01–05:22: Bert’s personal story of getting stood up
• 06:12–06:46: Listeners weigh in with theories; support for Melanie
• 07:22–08:19: Listeners propose alternate explanations; more group analysis
• 08:57–09:19: Show consensus—no excuse for not communicating

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Episode Tone & Atmosphere

• Supportive & Empathetic:
  Cohosts validate Melanie’s feelings and share personal stories, making her (and similar listeners) feel less alone.
• Lighthearted & Funny:
  Despite the heavy subject, the group keeps things accessible with humor and sarcasm.
• Realistic & Relatable:
  The conversation captures the sting and embarrassment of modern dating mishaps, resonating with audience experience.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a blend of authentic vulnerability and camaraderie—a frank, often funny look at the perils of dating. The crew and their listeners reinforce the importance of basic courtesy (always send the text!), remind us that being stood up isn’t a reflection of your worth, and close ranks around anyone who’s had the misfortune of being “ghosted” at dinner.

If you’ve ever been stood up—or feared you would—this is an episode that might make you feel seen, or at least offer a laugh at how universal these humiliations really are.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The Birch show all right, so it's been a couple of days here since we talked to Melanie. So just as a quick recap, here. Here's who Melanie is and why she called us.

[C]

I was out with my girlfriends on Saturday night. We met some guys, and I was talking to this one guy all night, but then they left, and he didn't get my phone number. But then one of his friends came back in and said, he wants to get your phone number. So he's been texting all week, but he's made two talks, sent to text, and I'm not sure if he knows who he's talking to.

[B]

All right, so that. Does that make it entirely clear who she is?

[D]

I think so. I mean, she thought that he was getting a couple of the details wrong when he was texting with her, so she was afraid when she showed up for the date, he was going to be expecting it to be one of her friends that she was with, not her.

[B]

Wasn't there, like, some kind of psychological weight loss issue thing going on here?

[E]

Also, like, she had mentioned how in high school, she was bigger than she is now. And so I think that we felt like a lot of her interpretation of everything that was going on was based on the fact that she felt, I guess, the sense of rejection or fear of rejection. And we were like, you got to get that out of your head, because this is. Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

So we sort of talked her into going on the date and just said, you know what? Let's let destiny take over. What's the worst thing that can happen? Right? But we never check back in with her. So let's find out what happened. Hey, Melanie.

[C]

Hey, guys. How are you?

[B]

Good. How are you today?

[C]

Good, thanks.

[B]

All right, so the last time we checked in with you, you were just throwing caution to the wind, and you were going to go for it. Like, what's the wor. Worst thing that can happen? He sees you, you see him, is uncomfortable. Wrong person. You have a couple of drinks and then you go your way. He goes his way. But at least he gave it a shot. So how did it end up?

[C]

After I talked to you guys, I decided I was gonna call him. Like, I was just gonna put it out there. I didn't want to just show up. I just thought, I'm just gonna call him and put caution in the wind and call him. He answered the phone because obviously it's the number he'd been texting all week. And I said, hey, I said, you know, I just wanted to call you because I kind of think. He said, are we going out tonight? And I said, yeah. I said, but I kind of think you're talking. You might be possibly talking to the wrong girl. I said, just by the things you said. And we went through them all. And he said, you know what? He said, to be honest, I really did think you're someone else. He said, but I enjoyed talking to you that night too. So let's, you know, meet up at Maggiano's.

[B]

Okay? Okay.

[D]

Cool. Cleared the air before it started.

[F]

So good.

[C]

I got there early and he never showed up. He never showed up yet he stood me up.

[B]

Oh, what a tool.

[D]

No way.

[E]

I can't believe he did that.

[C]

And I texted him and he never wrote me back.

[E]

Oh,

[D]

why wouldn't. I mean, I just told you on the phone, that doesn't make any sense.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Oh no, Maybe there's a guy listening that could give us better perspective on this. Like, she said that he never called and you immediately in your head knew why. Cuz I'm coming up with nothing right now.

[E]

He had his out, you know, you gave him his out and he didn't take it, but yet he still was so incredibly rude.

[B]

Let's back up for just one second. So when you called him, tell us about that conversation, there has to be an indication somewhere in those couple of minutes that you talked to him that either turned him on or turned him off. I don't know.

[C]

He was just the most nice, outgoing guy. Like, we had a great conversation on the phone. It wasn't. Do you know what I'm saying? It wasn't awkward. It was kind of weird. When I told him, he was kind of quiet for a couple seconds, but it wasn't like, you know, it didn't totally change the conversation.

[D]

And he was the one that arranged like, where to go and what time and all that.

[C]

Yeah, he set up everything. Like, say anything about that. He told me where, when.

[B]

I know I've got zero answer at all.

[E]

I'm so sorry.

[D]

When you're sitting there waiting for him, what are the stages that you're going through? You're like, oh, he must be late then. Do you worry? Do, like, what were your stage? Mad or sad.

[C]

Like I was looking at the clock and we were meeting at 7 and by 7:08 I was just like, I don't think he's coming. You know, Because I mean, really, it's gonna happen. Because if you're meeting someone, like that's new. You're usually not that late. You know what I mean?

[B]

Have you guys ever been stood up like that before?

[C]

Not that. No, I haven't.

[B]

I have one time. One time?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

She was so smoking hot too. And she was supposed to come by my place and she was picking me up. These were back in the college days when I lost my car and I had my scooter so she had to pick me up.

[E]

That explains it.

[B]

Yeah, that's probably why she would have understood. But no call, no nothing. And I just remember sitting there and sitting there and sitting there and after a while the realization hits you that she's just not coming by. But you still talk yourself into it. Like maybe, you know, something happened with the family. I'm sure she'll show up. And an hour, hour and a half, two hours before.

[E]

That's horrible.

[B]

It's the loneliest feeling ever. That's when I made the 30 minute rule up. Like if you don't hear anything in 30 minutes, then just go about your night. And if he shows up, he shows up. But at 30 minutes, that's it.

[D]

How long did you wait?

[C]

I waited till like 7:30.

[D]

That was it.

[C]

Like 30 minutes.

[E]

Yeah, but it's just the most cowardly thing to do.

[B]

I just can't figure out why it's.

[D]

And then, I mean, this is such a big small town, you know, you're gonna run into him again.

[B]

Totally.

[D]

And then he has to feel like a jerk all over again rather than just calling you and canceling.

[B]

Hey, Chad. You have some kind of explanation on why he might have just a bailed?

[F]

I don't know, man. Really, if he would. If he would only text you and then he really didn't even know who he was on top of the whole situation. I think he only had one thing in mind and he still didn't show up, so.

[B]

Well, if you only had one thing in mind, he should have showed up. I mean, that would be the reason for going.

[E]

Mm.

[B]

Good morning, Anthony. You're on Q100.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

He's just a big jerk. He isn't even worth your time. Basically what happened was he didn't have anything planned himself because he's that much of a loser. And then when he finally had something come up, maybe one of his buddies said, let's do this. Then he went along with it and totally ditched her.

[B]

That sucks. I hope that's not the case. But you're right. She's gonna run into him.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, you guys are gonna see each other out again at some point, Even if it's not within the next year. It'll be at some point.

[B]

And don't get out.

[E]

You have the power on that one. Because he's the jerk.

[B]

I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of addressing it with him. When you see him out, pretend like it wasn't even a big deal.

[D]

He may not remember what you look like.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah. No, he may not, because he was drinking that night. Who knows?

[B]

Well, that would be awesome. You could come onto him again and set up something and then stand him up.

[D]

Stand him up.

[E]

So much energy.

[D]

Now you're thinking.

[E]

Yeah, but I think that. I mean, he obviously didn't. I mean, he didn't remember who you were, and he was just trying to be nice on the phone, I guess. But I still don't understand why he would go through with making you go somewhere and sit knowing he's not coming.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

Right. Exactly.

[B]

Steve, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[C]

Yeah. How you doing?

[F]

You guys are great. I just want to know, did she go to the right Maggiano's, being that there's three here in Atlanta.

[B]

Is he sitting somewhere thinking you stood him up, maybe?

[C]

No, I definitely went to the correct one.

[B]

It was a nice try because you texted him, right?

[E]

Yeah, if he thought if he was at the wrong one or whatever, they would have. Yeah, he would have responded to you.

[D]

Something.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, there's zero reason at all not to send a jerk.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, Nikki.

[C]

Hey, Good morning.

[B]

How are you?

[C]

First of all, I hate this guy already.

[F]

But

[C]

to his. Well, not really his defense, I. What if, like, his friend that went back into the bar to get the number was kind of playing a prank on him? Like, purposely getting the wrong number so he'd be. I don't know. Like. I feel like it has nothing to do with her. I think it was one of his immature friends, like, trying to prank him or something.

[B]

But then why would he set up a date and then not call and just completely stand her up? What does he get out of that?

[C]

I think. I think he does nothing, but he feels like an idiot, and he's probably thinking, oh, God, you know, already look this bad, I'm gonna show up. I don't know. I don't know, there's a part of

[E]

me that thinks that it worked out better than if you had just shown up and he saw you, you know, and had that. That physical reaction to the fact that you weren't who he thought you were. Because if he's that much of a jerk to stand you up, then. No, tell him what he would have done in person, you know, if he actually showed up. Yeah.

[B]

What a total boosh. Yeah. We could probably spend the next hour speculating on why he didn't show up. But the. The bottom line of the whole thing is there is zero excuse for not just sending a text, even if there was an emergency. After the emergency, you text and go, oh, my God, I am so sorry that I didn't show up. Zero reason not to do that. So he's a big old bouche, and you're better off of that.

[E]

Yeah. Sorry about that.

[C]

Definitely. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.

[B]

All right, Melanie. Thank you.

[C]

Bye. Bye.

[B]

Dude, I'm telling. If you guys have never been there before, there is nothing lonelier than sitting there on the couch watching tv. Because seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours. And the rejection that you're going. You feel like such a fool when you stand somebody up.

[D]

She had to do it where there was, like, servers around and people going, can I get you something? Would you like to go ahead and order?

[B]

It's worse than a restaurant or a bar.

[E]

There's going to be two of us. I'm just waiting on them. Have they come yet? Have they come yet? No. I got to go.

[B]

You're faking the. Look at the door. Oh, yes.

[F]

Terrible.

[B]

The bird show.