The Bert Show: Vault — What Do You Do When You're In A Sexless Marriage?

Pionaire Podcasting | February 2, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the often-taboo topic of sexless marriages, inspired by a listener’s call about a mismatch in libido within her marriage. The Bert Show cast, along with multiple callers, candidly explore reasons behind dwindling intimacy, societal expectations versus reality, emotional impact on partners, and whether physically unfulfilled marriages are more widespread than people think.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Listener's Dilemma: Mismatched Sex Drive

• A listener (late 20s) is frustrated that her husband is only interested in sex about once every eight weeks, while her own libido is much higher.
• The hosts shared that they received numerous (and often inappropriate) emails from men offering to “help” the caller, underscoring how common the topic is (00:12–00:28).
• There was a sense that previous advice attempts had felt “unfulfilled”—neither practical nor satisfying.

2. Advice and Commentary from Hosts

• Suggestions included:
  • "Raise your game a little bit. Try something new." (Host 2, 00:55)
  • More extreme (and tongue-in-cheek) ideas like changing her “hair color,” “personality,” or even her name (“Destiny,” as a joke).
• The show referenced a CNN.com article on sexually troubled marriages, highlighting that sexual dissatisfaction is not limited by age, parenting status, or hormones (01:06–02:24).

3. Statistics and Societal Expectations

• Sexless marriage is generally defined as fewer than 10 sexual encounters per year.
  • "They estimate one in five couples, 20%, are in sexless marriages." (Host 2, 02:56)
• The unrealistic expectation of “eternally passionate sex” in long-term monogamy is challenged.
  • "People have the assumption that you can have long term, monogamous, hot sex. He says it's never been done on a large scale in the history of the world." (Host 2 quoting CNN, 03:05)
• The hosts debated, with some disagreement:
  • "Which I just don't agree with. Yeah, I just don't." (Host 2, 03:05)

4. Caller Perspectives: Women’s Experiences

Caller 1: 18 Years, No Interest from Husband

• Married 18 years:

  • "He does not want it ever." (Caller 1, 04:47)
  • Noted an initial interest that disappeared after children arrived.
  • Suspects husband may be seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere (via pornography).

• Emotional impact:

  • "It makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband." (Caller 1, 06:00)

Caller 2: Lost Libido After Children

• Married 5 years, lost sex drive after two kids:
  • "I just can't find the drive to do that... it makes me feel very incomplete. And then it causes a problem because my husband feels incomplete." (Caller 2, 06:15)
  • Body image and hormonal changes discussed, with no physical enjoyment or orgasm despite husband being attractive.
  • Drastic change in frequency, seven times a day pre-children to none (08:12).

5. Uncommon Experiences: Men Who Don’t Want Sex

• Hosts note the rarity of men admitting they don’t like sex, inviting calls from any willing to say so (08:52).
• Peer pressure stories, humorously dubbed “Craig is the penis whisperer” by Host 1 (09:51), showing how friends sometimes mediate sexual activity between couples.
• Hosts express skepticism about men truly having low sexual desire, especially straight men (08:55–11:15).

Male Callers’ Perspectives

• Caller “Todd” (pseudonym):
  • Gay man, 22, never enjoyed sex and only engages to please partners.
  • "I fully do not enjoy sex very much and I don't know why." (Todd, 13:05)
  • Hormones tested; no physical explanation found (13:26–13:51).
  • Discussion explores if being gay or lack of experience factors in.
  • Hosts ask for any straight men who feel the same; no one calls in.

6. Cheating and Emotional Needs

• Caller 4 shares perspective as “the other woman” with a married man:
  • "We more than just have sex. We go to the movies and we talk and have long conversations." (Caller 4, 11:25)
• Hosts revisit prior discussions if men would stay faithful to an otherwise difficult partner if sex is satisfying:
  • "I can get through all the other crap, but you gotta keep sex alive." (Host 2, 11:49)
• Gender differences in cheating rationales discussed—men compartmentalizing physical acts vs. women’s emotional buildup (05:40).

7. Humor and Light Moments

• Hosts use humor to relieve tension, like joking about “changing your name to Destiny” (01:04) or the mental visual of friends planning your spouse’s seduction (09:23–10:23).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You just sort of assume that guy, he's such a great guy...he’ll get better. As the relationship grows and it doesn’t, and you realize how big a deal a good sex life is."
  — Host 2 reading Laura Berman, sex therapist (01:29)

• "Therapists generally define sexless marriages as having sex less than 10 times a year. And they estimate one in five couples...are in sexless marriages."
  — Host 2 (02:56)

• "The expectation of eternally passionate sex may be setting people up to fail."
  — Host 2 quoting CNN (03:05)

• "It makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband."
  — Caller 1 (06:00)

• "I fully do not enjoy sex very much and I don't know why."
  — Todd (Caller 3, 13:05)

• "Craig is the penis whisperer."
  — Host 1 (09:51)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:01–00:28: Introduction to caller’s dilemma and reactions
• 01:06–02:56: Scientific and cultural perspectives, sexless marriage statistics
• 04:47–06:07: Caller 1, 18-year marriage with no sex
• 06:15–08:37: Caller 2, lost libido after children
• 08:52–09:51: Hosts invite men with no sex drive to call
• 09:15–10:01: Craig plays “ambassador” for a friend’s marriage
• 11:25–12:45: Cheating, emotional needs, and patterns
• 13:05–14:03: Todd, a gay man who doesn’t enjoy sex
• 15:03–16:00: Wrap-up, lingering questions, playful banter

Tone and Style

True to The Bert Show’s style, the episode is frank, real, occasionally irreverent, but compassionate and open to all perspectives. The humor lightens the weight of the topic, but real emotional struggles are acknowledged and validated by both hosts and callers.

This episode is a candid conversation illuminating the reality and complexities behind sexless marriages, with real listener voices and a mix of humor, empathy, personal experience, and eye-opening statistics. Even if you haven’t lived through this issue yourself, you’re left with a more nuanced understanding—and a few memorable laughs along the way.