Vault: What Embarrassing Thing Happened During Your Cycle?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – What Embarrassing Thing Happened During Your Cycle?

Date: December 19, 2025
Host & Cast: Phil, Tracy, and various callers

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on an open, authentic, and often hilarious discussion about embarrassing menstrual cycle stories. With “the boys” out, the show becomes a safe, all-female space for “real talk,” leading to a parade of memorable and cringe-worthy anecdotes from both hosts and listeners. Throughout, the conversation aims to normalize these common experiences, underlining that everyone with a period has a mortifying story (or two) to share.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why We Need to Talk About It

• Phil kicks off with a story about watching a "Cribs" episode where a guest shamed his girlfriend on TV for a period accident ("I would have broken up with him right there, because that's just not funny!" – Phil, 01:31).
• The hosts agree: virtually everyone with a period has lived through something humiliating, and sharing these stories creates relief and community.

2. Tracy's Infamous 8th Grade Story

• Tracy hesitantly shares her most mortifying moment, still embarrassing decades later (02:19 – 05:07):
  • She was a late bloomer and got her first period in 8th grade—unbeknownst to her, it leaked onto her pants right before lunch.
  • A friend intervened, whispering urgently for Tracy to sit down, then informed the teacher.
  • Tracy spent the next period hiding in the bathroom until her mother picked her up.
  • Sadly, the incident spun into a school-wide urban legend—even involving a false rumor about a popular boy sitting in her spot.
  • "I stayed home from school for three days, crying." – Tracy (04:29)
  • The emotional weight: “I'm 26 years old, and I'm still embarrassed to this day.” – Tracy (02:19)

3. Phil’s McDonald's Mishap

• Phil recounts her own ordeal during high school after a period leak at McDonald's led to a stained bench. Her friend came to the rescue, but she regrets leaving the mess for staff:
  • "So, to the McDonald's employees at Columbia, Tennessee, I am so, so sorry." – Phil (06:11)

4. Listener Call-Ins: No One is Alone!

Lynn’s Story (06:18 – 07:06)

• Wore white pants in 7th grade, leaked, and classmates mocked her by putting marked pads on their foreheads.
• The bullying left her traumatized to this day: “It scarred me for life because I will not wear white pants to this day.” – Lynn (07:00)

Marty’s Story (07:17 – 08:10)

• Walking with her boyfriend, her pad fell out of her pants and landed right in front of them. Both pretended it wasn’t hers, but it was obvious: "You could tell on his face that he was like, that was her." – Host (paraphrasing Marty, 08:10)

Water Skiing Torpedo (08:18 – 09:05)

• Phil tells on a friend whose tampon shot out while water skiing and floated on the lake: "When she hit the water when she fell, it shot out like a torpedo." – Phil (08:53)

Stacy’s Early Start (09:08 – 10:07)

• Got her first period at age 9, while staying with her grandparents. Her grandmother made the whole family aware by calling everyone to “announce” it.
• “Can you come help me? What do I do? Do I plug it with toilet paper?” – Stacy (09:59)

Amy’s Baseball Blunder (10:18 – 11:36)

• As a tomboy catcher, Amy’s brother (the pitcher) noticed her period before she did, called her to the mound, then discreetly broke the news. Amy applied her first pad incorrectly, sticky-side up.
• "My 12 years of growing up here, I finally had something going puberty wise. She hands me the pad, and I put the thing on upside down, not knowing how to..." – Amy (11:28)

Sarah’s Dinner Dog Disaster (11:43 – 12:27)

• Staying at a friend’s house, her friend’s dog retrieved a used tampon from the bathroom and brought it out during a family dinner:
  • "He's playing with something. He drug my tampon out of the bathroom and was like slinging it around like a dead rat." – Sarah (12:13)

Karen’s Church Offering Oops (12:30 – 13:33)

• Coming-of-age moment at church: Karen accidentally dropped a small OB tampon into the offering plate in front of her crush’s family.
• “We both immediately looked at each other and froze. It seemed like forever. I finally just reached in and grabbed it and I never went back to church with her.” – Karen (13:19)

5. Why Education Matters

• Phil and others reflect on how many of the stories involve confusion and a lack of information, plugging the classic Judy Blume novel:
  • “Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret...Any parents out there? You've got to get that for your tween because it's a great book on the introduction to your menstrual cycle.” – Phil (13:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If you are going to call me out for my menstrual cycle on national television, then I'm breaking up with you." – Phil, on period shaming (01:36)
• "This happened in 8th grade, and I am 26 years old, and I'm still embarrassed to this day." – Tracy (02:19)
• "I'm going to call out a friend of mine...she was skiing and when she hit the water when she fell, it shot out like a torpedo." – Phil (08:53)
• "I put the thing on upside down, not knowing how to. I just looked at this strange thing, not knowing how to put it on, and I just stared. Sticky side went up. I had no idea." – Amy (11:28)
• "He drug my tampon out of the bathroom and was slinging it around like a dead rat." – Sarah (12:13)
• “I finally just reached in and grabbed it and I never went back to church with her.” – Karen, about the OB tampon in the offering plate (13:19)
• “Any parents out there? You've got to get [Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret] for your tween.” – Phil (13:46)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:31 – Phil rails against period-shaming on TV
• 02:19 – Tracy's 8th grade urban legend begins
• 04:29 – Tracy hides in the bathroom
• 06:11 – Phil’s McDonald’s bench confession
• 06:18 – 07:06 – Lynn's white pants and bullying
• 08:53 – The water-ski tampon torpedo
• 09:08 – 10:07 – Stacy’s 9-year-old panic call
• 10:18 – 11:36 – Amy's baseball field awakening
• 12:13 – Sarah's tampon-fetching dog
• 13:19 – Karen's church offering mishap
• 13:46 – Judy Blume recommendation

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Tone & Takeaways

True to The Bert Show’s signature style, this episode is candid, playful, and empathetic. The hosts and callers turn their personal mortification into community relief, gentle humor, and lasting camaraderie. While the stories are often painful in the moment, the episode helps listeners recognize they are far from alone, and even the “worst” stories become funny and heartening with time.

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Transcript

[Host]

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[Phil]

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[Host]

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[Tracy]

Busy taxes and fees extra see mintmobile.com.

[Host]

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[Phil]

You know, last night I was watching television. You know, every, every story I've told this morning starts off with me watching television. But last night I was flipping channels trying to find something else to watch besides the Olympics because it's not on anymore. And I fell upon one of the Cribs episodes. They were having a Cribs marathon. And I don't know what band it was. I don't know what band member it was. I don't even know if it was a band. Maybe he was a guy from another show, but he was going through his home and then he introduced his girlfriend who was there with him. And then they went through different parts of the house and then they got to the bedroom. And he made a comment during his description of his bedroom that oh yeah, and here's my bed. Oh, and my girlfriend had an accident on it a couple days ago and I thought, you know what, if you are going to call me out for my menstrual cycle on national television, then I'm breaking up with you. Like I would have broken up with him right there because that's just not funny.

[Tracy]

That's wrong.

[Phil]

But I think the thing is though, I mean, if you're a woman, you can relate because everybody has had some kind of embarrassing story when it comes to your menstrual cycle. Absolutely. And I think producer Tracy has the one that definitely tops it. That's Right. Because this is one good thing about the boys being out because they're not gonna, like, ew. And, uh. And I can't believe you're talking about this. And blah. So at least we can have girl talk.

[Host]

Thanks, guys.

[Phil]

Real talk. Real talk.

[Host]

Phil.

[Tracy]

My story's so embarrassing. This happened in 8th grade, and I am 26 years old, and I'm still embarrassed to this day. And I cannot believe I'm going to tell all of Atlanta this. And the sad thing is, as I went to eighth grade here, so half, you know, some of the people listening are probably like, oh, my God. I remember that because it turned into this huge urban legend. Here's my story. In eighth grade, I was one of. I guess I was one of those late bloomers. So I didn't get it until eighth grade. And the drill was in eighth grade, that was when you would still go to, like, every class and every, you know, until lunch, into all those things in a single file line. So the drill was, is that we would go to our fourth period class every single day, sit down in our seats. The teacher would say, okay, everybody, line up. Let's go to lunch. So we're sitting in our seats. She says, line up. Let's go to lunch. I stand up and my friend behind me says, tracy, sit down. And I'm like, why? And she's like, sit down now. I'm like, what are you talking about? So of course I sit down and she whispers in my ear that I have a big red stain on the back of my pants, which I didn't know what the hell was going on because this had never happened to me before.

[Phil]

Oh, this is the first.

[Tracy]

First time. Yeah. So I sat back down as the rest of my class stood up and was staring at me, wondering why I'm still sitting in my seat. My friend Samantha gets up and goes to tell my algebra teacher what was going on and why I needed to stay behind. You guys are all looking at me with your hands over your mouth.

[Phil]

Yeah, because I'm just like, oh, just.

[Host]

Poor thing.

[Tracy]

So I was horrified and. And I didn't know what to do. I was near tears. The rest of the class is staring at me, wondering why I'm staying behind. The teacher looks at me like, oh, poor thing. Takes the rest of the class to lunch. Meanwhile, a couple of my friends stay behind. You know, I wrap a sweater around my waist, I go to the bathroom, and of course I have nothing with me because I don't know what to do about it. So I'm Stuck in the bathroom for the entire fifth period waiting for my mom to come and. And pick me up. Because, you know, of course, the school nurse had to call her and have her pick me up because I had all over my clothes. And so I left with my mom.

[Phil]

Did that hour in the bathroom stall feel like two days?

[Tracy]

I was horrified. But it gets worse. It gets so much worse. Then, of course, you know, kids talk or whatever. So everybody in the entire 8th grade knew about it, found out about it, and then the big, huge urban legend, you know, all of these rumors start circulating, and then before you know it, the story turns into. Oh, God, I'm not gonna say his name, because he probably still lives in Atlanta. But one of the most popular boys in the eighth grade class came back from lunch and sat in it and got it on his pants. None of this was true. At least I don't think it is. But of course it turns into all these rumors. I stayed home from school for three days, crying.

[Phil]

Poor thing.

[Tracy]

And her first time.

[Phil]

This is supposed to, you know, your. Your introduction into womanhood. You're supposed to be proud and. Oh, poor thing. I'm so sorry.

[Tracy]

I'm still embarrassed.

[Phil]

But you know what? These embarrassing stories, I mean, in high school, like, thank God all women go through this, because at least when you, like, you had a great story with your friends in eighth grade, staying behind, telling the teacher, trying to kind of be your wing women, right? And I had the same thing happen to me, but I was in high school, so, I mean, I had plenty of experience with this, but it still catches up with you. And I think it was before or after one of our high school football games, and we were at McDonald's. Okay. And McDonald's has those yellow benches, and so we're having dinner at McDonald' and I didn't realize, you know, what was going on. Then when we stood up, we saw that there was. There was, you know, damage done to the bench. So my friend's like, okay, sit back down. So she said, okay, I'm going out to the car. I'm gonna put a towel down. And then she was gonna walk behind me out. So, you know. But the thing I felt so bad was we. We took care of the car, and she led me out, but I left that for Whoever worked at McDonald's to clean up.

[Tracy]

So.

[Phil]

To the McDonald's employees at Columbia, Tennessee, I am so, so sorry. Hey, Lynn.

[Host]

Hey, how are you?

[Phil]

Hey.

[Host]

Great.

[Phil]

Phil's squirming in here, but we're enjoying it. Suck it up.

[Host]

Oh, My God. I have a story for you. I was in seventh grade. I wore white pants. And needless to say, you know exactly what happened. And to make it worse, I had. I had a friend. Well, maybe I should say an acquaintance. They all took pads and with red marker, you know, like, scribbled all on it. And all of them put it on their forehead, mimicking me. I mean, talk about degrading. I had just moved to this country, so I was like, oh, my God. It was terrible.

[Phil]

Horrible. Horrible.

[Host]

Oh, yeah. Not good. And it scarred me for life because I will not wear white pants to this day.

[Phil]

You poor thing. Oh, I wouldn't. Yeah, I understand. I wouldn't either.

[Tracy]

It totally scars you because to this day, every single month, I am paranoid for four days straight.

[Phil]

Yeah. That is just to make sure it doesn't ever happen again.

[Tracy]

Hey, Marty.

[Host]

Hi. Hey, Marty.

[Tracy]

Go ahead.

[Host]

Okay. I guess I was around 14 years old, and my boyfriend and I. He was walking me home, and we were just talking and laughing and everything, and something went, ploop. My pants had fell off.

[Phil]

Oh, no.

[Host]

And I'm standing around and felt it, and. And I looked down on the ground and there it was. And that made him look like, oh.

[Phil]

Oh, my God.

[Host]

It wasn't mine.

[Phil]

It was already there.

[Host]

You know, where did it land? I was like, ooh, Marty, where did it land?

[Phil]

Did it land on your foot or.

[Host]

Just land right on the ground? We were walking, and it was right side up, and you could just see everything. And I was like, you poor thing.

[Phil]

Oh, my God.

[Host]

Anyway, it was awful. So we just started walking away. But you could tell on his face that he was like, that was her.

[Phil]

I'm gonna call out. That reminded me of a story. I'm gonna call out a friend of mine. Poor. Oh, she. She would kill me if she knew us telling the story. But I wasn't on the trip, but she and a bunch of our friends went skiing, water skiing near Nashville. And so they were in the boat, and it was at a time, you know when you're just starting out and you decide you're going to use tampons? You don't necessarily know how to use them or how far to put them in. And so she obviously didn't do it right. And so when she was skiing and when she hit the water when she fell, it shot out like a torpedo.

[Host]

In the bo. And it was floating on top.

[Phil]

That was so funny.

[Host]

Stacy. Hey, Stacy. Go ahead. Okay. I started my cycle for the very first time when I was 9. Oh, my goodness.

[Phil]

Oh, man.

[Host]

Yeah, it was not fun. And it was the year my mom and my dad got divorced. So my dad, he had full custody, and he would send my brother and I out to Texas to spend the summer with my grandparents. Well, I was in the bathroom, and this stuff just started happening, and I'm going, oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I'm hemorrhaging. What's going on? So I get my grandmother. She tells my grandfather, and she doesn't come in there to help me. She goes to the telephone, picks up her little address book and calls everybody. Yes, everybody. And she does. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm freaking out. And she's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. She started her period, yada, yada, yada. And I'm just like, can you come help me? What do I do? Do I plug it with toilet paper?

[Phil]

That's so, so sad. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for the call.

[Host]

Hey, Amy.

[Phil]

Let me start to thank people. But how?

[Tracy]

These are.

[Host]

Amy, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah.

[Phil]

Hi.

[Host]

I have the funniest story ever.

[Phil]

Okay.

[Host]

I was such a tomboy when I was a kid. My mom had never talked to me about my period and that kind of thing, but I was on my brother's. My brother and I were on a baseball team together, and I was the catcher and my brother was the pitcher. And I was squatted down, ready, giving him, you know, the signal to pitch the ball. And he noticed I started my period before I did. So he calls me out to the mound. I go out there, he tells me that I'm bleeding. So I'm looking on my elbows, on my knees. I didn't know what he was talking about. And then he kind of just puts his mitt over his face and said, no, you're bleeding down there. I immediately freaked out, ran off the field into the bathroom, where my friend came in there and said, calm down. And she threw me over a pad. And my 12 years of growing up here, I finally had something going, puberty wise. She hands me the pad, and I put the thing on upside down, Not knowing how to. I just looked at this strange thing, not knowing how to put it on, and I just stared. Sticky side went up. I had no idea.

[Phil]

I mean, but I'm sure that has happened to a lot of girls. Oh, yeah. Oh.

[Tracy]

Sarah, hi.

[Phil]

First bikini wax right there.

[Tracy]

Sarah, go ahead. Hi.

[Host]

When I was in 10th grade, I spent the night at one of my best girlfriend's houses, and I went to the bathroom and changed my tampon Came out and we were having like a family dinner with her mom and her dad. And she had one of those little, like, runty dogs. And in the middle of dinner, he's like. And we look up and he's playing with something. He drug my tampon out of the bathroom and was like slinging it around like a dead rat.

[Phil]

Oh, my.

[Host]

And so I'm like, well, do I pretend that it's not mine? I jump out from the table. I'm like, I got it.

[Phil]

Oh, God.

[Host]

Oh, that's horrible.

[Phil]

Karen.

[Tracy]

Can't see a dog shaking his head.

[Host]

Karen, you're going to be the last call on this.

[Tracy]

Go ahead.

[Host]

Okay. Okay. I was 15 in high school and my best friend, I went to two different churches. And one Sunday she'd been begging me to go to her church to meet this guy that she had a crush on in church who happened to have a younger brother that would have been my age. So I went to church with her Sunday morning and wedged in between his family, the two brothers on each side of us, and they were cute and everything and had my change purse with me and the offering plate came around and I just proceeded to dip my off my change purse into the offering plate. Forgot I had a OB tampon in my paint. And ladies, you know, the OB's are very small, no applicator. And that proceeded to drop into the offering plate with a few cute brothers on the side of us and the parents. And we both immediately looked at each other and froze. It seemed like forever. I finally just reached in and grabbed it and I never went back to church with her. I was just so scared.

[Phil]

That is hilarious. Thanks for the call. You know, now one, like there's several, you know, of us who have said that we didn't know what was going on. We didn't know what to expect. And I don't know if you guys read. Are you There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

[Host]

Yes.

[Phil]

Judy Bloom. Are youe There, God? It's Me, Margaret. Any parents out there? You've got to get that for your tween because it's a great book on the introduction to your menstrual cycle, the Birch Show.

[Host]

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