The Bert Show: Vault – What Embarrassing Thing Happened During Your Cycle?

Date: December 19, 2025
Host & Cast: Phil, Tracy, and various callers

Episode Overview

This episode centers on an open, authentic, and often hilarious discussion about embarrassing menstrual cycle stories. With “the boys” out, the show becomes a safe, all-female space for “real talk,” leading to a parade of memorable and cringe-worthy anecdotes from both hosts and listeners. Throughout, the conversation aims to normalize these common experiences, underlining that everyone with a period has a mortifying story (or two) to share.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why We Need to Talk About It

• Phil kicks off with a story about watching a "Cribs" episode where a guest shamed his girlfriend on TV for a period accident ("I would have broken up with him right there, because that's just not funny!" – Phil, 01:31).
• The hosts agree: virtually everyone with a period has lived through something humiliating, and sharing these stories creates relief and community.

2. Tracy's Infamous 8th Grade Story

• Tracy hesitantly shares her most mortifying moment, still embarrassing decades later (02:19 – 05:07):
  • She was a late bloomer and got her first period in 8th grade—unbeknownst to her, it leaked onto her pants right before lunch.
  • A friend intervened, whispering urgently for Tracy to sit down, then informed the teacher.
  • Tracy spent the next period hiding in the bathroom until her mother picked her up.
  • Sadly, the incident spun into a school-wide urban legend—even involving a false rumor about a popular boy sitting in her spot.
  • "I stayed home from school for three days, crying." – Tracy (04:29)
  • The emotional weight: “I'm 26 years old, and I'm still embarrassed to this day.” – Tracy (02:19)

3. Phil’s McDonald's Mishap

• Phil recounts her own ordeal during high school after a period leak at McDonald's led to a stained bench. Her friend came to the rescue, but she regrets leaving the mess for staff:
  • "So, to the McDonald's employees at Columbia, Tennessee, I am so, so sorry." – Phil (06:11)

4. Listener Call-Ins: No One is Alone!

Lynn’s Story (06:18 – 07:06)

• Wore white pants in 7th grade, leaked, and classmates mocked her by putting marked pads on their foreheads.
• The bullying left her traumatized to this day: “It scarred me for life because I will not wear white pants to this day.” – Lynn (07:00)

Marty’s Story (07:17 – 08:10)

• Walking with her boyfriend, her pad fell out of her pants and landed right in front of them. Both pretended it wasn’t hers, but it was obvious: "You could tell on his face that he was like, that was her." – Host (paraphrasing Marty, 08:10)

Water Skiing Torpedo (08:18 – 09:05)

• Phil tells on a friend whose tampon shot out while water skiing and floated on the lake: "When she hit the water when she fell, it shot out like a torpedo." – Phil (08:53)

Stacy’s Early Start (09:08 – 10:07)

• Got her first period at age 9, while staying with her grandparents. Her grandmother made the whole family aware by calling everyone to “announce” it.
• “Can you come help me? What do I do? Do I plug it with toilet paper?” – Stacy (09:59)

Amy’s Baseball Blunder (10:18 – 11:36)

• As a tomboy catcher, Amy’s brother (the pitcher) noticed her period before she did, called her to the mound, then discreetly broke the news. Amy applied her first pad incorrectly, sticky-side up.
• "My 12 years of growing up here, I finally had something going puberty wise. She hands me the pad, and I put the thing on upside down, not knowing how to..." – Amy (11:28)

Sarah’s Dinner Dog Disaster (11:43 – 12:27)

• Staying at a friend’s house, her friend’s dog retrieved a used tampon from the bathroom and brought it out during a family dinner:
  • "He's playing with something. He drug my tampon out of the bathroom and was like slinging it around like a dead rat." – Sarah (12:13)

Karen’s Church Offering Oops (12:30 – 13:33)

• Coming-of-age moment at church: Karen accidentally dropped a small OB tampon into the offering plate in front of her crush’s family.
• “We both immediately looked at each other and froze. It seemed like forever. I finally just reached in and grabbed it and I never went back to church with her.” – Karen (13:19)

5. Why Education Matters

• Phil and others reflect on how many of the stories involve confusion and a lack of information, plugging the classic Judy Blume novel:
  • “Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret...Any parents out there? You've got to get that for your tween because it's a great book on the introduction to your menstrual cycle.” – Phil (13:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If you are going to call me out for my menstrual cycle on national television, then I'm breaking up with you." – Phil, on period shaming (01:36)
• "This happened in 8th grade, and I am 26 years old, and I'm still embarrassed to this day." – Tracy (02:19)
• "I'm going to call out a friend of mine...she was skiing and when she hit the water when she fell, it shot out like a torpedo." – Phil (08:53)
• "I put the thing on upside down, not knowing how to. I just looked at this strange thing, not knowing how to put it on, and I just stared. Sticky side went up. I had no idea." – Amy (11:28)
• "He drug my tampon out of the bathroom and was slinging it around like a dead rat." – Sarah (12:13)
• “I finally just reached in and grabbed it and I never went back to church with her.” – Karen, about the OB tampon in the offering plate (13:19)
• “Any parents out there? You've got to get [Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret] for your tween.” – Phil (13:46)

Key Timestamps

• 01:31 – Phil rails against period-shaming on TV
• 02:19 – Tracy's 8th grade urban legend begins
• 04:29 – Tracy hides in the bathroom
• 06:11 – Phil’s McDonald’s bench confession
• 06:18 – 07:06 – Lynn's white pants and bullying
• 08:53 – The water-ski tampon torpedo
• 09:08 – 10:07 – Stacy’s 9-year-old panic call
• 10:18 – 11:36 – Amy's baseball field awakening
• 12:13 – Sarah's tampon-fetching dog
• 13:19 – Karen's church offering mishap
• 13:46 – Judy Blume recommendation

Tone & Takeaways

True to The Bert Show’s signature style, this episode is candid, playful, and empathetic. The hosts and callers turn their personal mortification into community relief, gentle humor, and lasting camaraderie. While the stories are often painful in the moment, the episode helps listeners recognize they are far from alone, and even the “worst” stories become funny and heartening with time.