Vault: What Happens When Your Therapist Sends You Back Home?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: What Happens When Your Therapist Sends You Back Home?
Date: March 30, 2026
Panel: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, plus listeners
Theme: Facing the Past, Family, Addiction, and the Therapy Journey

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on Bert sharing a deeply personal journey involving his wife's prescription pill addiction, the fallout on their marriage and family, and his ongoing struggles in therapy. He opens up about the emotional complexities of being a caretaker, the lingering impact of an emotionally neglectful childhood, and a unique challenge set by his therapist: revisiting his childhood home to unlock suppressed memories. The cast discusses the ripple effects of addiction, the psychology of childhood trauma, and the courage required to confront one's painful past.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Strain of Addiction on Relationships

• Bert's Experience: Bert reveals the toll of his wife Stacy’s five-year addiction to prescription medication. During this period, he emotionally distanced himself to cope.
  • "For, like, five years now, I've sort of been in the house, but not in the house, if you know what I mean." (02:14, Bert)
• Caretaker's Dilemma: The cast discusses the under-addressed struggles of caretakers and family members affected by a loved one's addiction.
  • "A lot of times people don't realize the effect on caretakers... the person going through whatever struggle they're going through has to go through it, because it's there. For you... you had to kind of stand by and endure it." (03:00, Cast)
• Suppressed Needs: Bert expresses how caretakers often feel unable to voice their own pain, putting themselves on the "back burner."
  • "The people around them aren’t really allowed to talk and complain about it because the focus is on the person that's addicted... So you sort of keep it inside." (03:29, Bert)

2. Recovery and Reconnection Challenges

• Stacy’s Recovery: Stacy kicks her habit in a single weekend, defying common odds, and reverts to a version of her pre-addiction self.
  • "She’s off the pain medications, and she kicked it in one weekend... she has turned back into a better version of what she was before." (04:09, Bert)
• Aftermath: Despite Stacy’s recovery, Bert has trouble reconnecting and rebuilding their relationship.
  • "I’ve kept her at arm's length for so long... that I just don't feel there. I just don't feel it's there." (04:50, Bert)

3. Therapy: Unpacking Childhood Trauma

• Therapeutic Breakthroughs: Bert shares that therapy brings up more than just marital issues—it's forcing him to confront the emotional neglect he experienced as a child.
  • "What I have conveniently done is I've sort of repressed how bad my childhood has been." (05:43, Bert)
  • A striking moment:
    • "I did not realize how bad it was until [my therapist] teared up on me twice..." (06:37, Bert)
• Memory Blackouts: Bert describes having very little recollection of his childhood due to emotional compartmentalization.
  • "I can't remember things that you guys can remember in your childhood. I have zero recollection..." (07:26, Bert)
• Therapist’s Assignment: Bert’s therapist encourages him to visit his old neighborhood and childhood home, hoping it will unlock suppressed memories and emotions.
  • "She thinks by me cruising around Long Beach and knocking on the door... maybe it'll accelerate things a little bit." (08:29, Bert)

4. Family Structure and Disconnection

• Lost Bonds: Bert details his deeply fractured family—disconnected siblings, absent parents, and a mother who gave up each child to different guardians.
  • "Everybody's so jacked up in my family and disconnected that I haven’t talked to these people in 25 years." (10:00, Bert)
  • "My mother gave up all three children at one point... and remember, this woman is a family therapist in New York City right now." (10:21, Bert)

5. Listener Engagement & Community

• Listeners Call In:
  • A listener named Ryan (11:01) shares a similar struggle with his wife’s addiction, seeking advice from Bert.
    • "She went from this sweet, gorgeous woman to this absolutely hateful woman you can't ask a question to..." (11:24, Ryan)
• Advice and Reflections:
  • Bert admits he didn’t handle the situation perfectly and encourages others to intervene earlier if possible.
    • “I would have manned up more about it… I would have fought more. That’s the only thing I would do differently." (12:46, Bert)
  • Another listener, Carla, cautions Bert about revisiting traumatic memories, but he insists on facing them head-on.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Caretaker Fatigue:
  • “You're not addicted to it, but you have to deal with it. Over time, naturally, somebody’s gonna distance themselves from that.”
    —(03:55, Cast)
• On Therapist Surprised by Trauma:
  • "I have made my therapist cry twice in therapy... that is hard to do."
    —(06:37, Bert)
• On Blacked-Out Childhood:
  • "You probably have memories from when you were 6, 7, 8 years old... I’ve got nothing. Really. I’ve got nothing."
    —(07:47, Bert)
• On Facing Painful Memories:
  • "To me, it’s putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound... you gotta get in there, clean it out and then it'll finally [heal]."
    —(13:47, Cast)
• On Courage to Confront the Past:
  • "I’m not one to run away from stuff like that. I think the only way you can do that is to be courageous about it."
    —(13:23, Bert)
• A Bit of Humor:
  • "[On therapist crying] I’d be like, ‘Oh my God. I’m paying to cry in here, not you.’"
    —(07:06, Cast)

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Important Timestamps

• [02:14] – Bert describes emotional withdrawal from his wife during her addiction
• [03:29] – Discussion on caretakers’ silenced struggles
• [04:09] – Stacy’s recovery and Bert’s challenges in reconnecting
• [05:43] – Bert starts to unpack childhood trauma in therapy
• [06:37] – Therapist’s emotional response to Bert’s childhood stories
• [07:26] – Child memory blackouts and emotional amnesia discussion
• [08:29] – Therapist’s assignment: visit childhood home to unlock memories
• [10:00] – Describing family disconnection
• [11:01] – Listener Ryan shares his wife’s addiction story
• [12:46] – Bert’s advice: intervene early in loved ones’ addictions
• [13:23] – Bert commits to confronting suppressed memories despite warnings

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Tone & Atmosphere

The conversation is raw, candid, unguarded, and studded with darkly humorous moments. The hosts provide support and empathy while maintaining the show’s trademark authenticity and lightness, even as they wade through deeply personal and sometimes painful material.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a fearless exploration of the lasting ripple effects of addiction and childhood neglect. Bert’s willingness to share his own pain unlocks vulnerability in the cast and listeners, creating a space for honest dialogue about the often unseen challenges of caretakers, the process of therapy, and the courage it takes to confront the past head-on.

For listeners struggling with similar issues or supporting someone who is, the episode serves as both comfort and call to action: healing requires honesty, courage, and a willingness to feel deeply—even when it hurts.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Hi, this is Alex Canceroitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

[D]

Hey, the Birch Show. All right, so it feels a little strange to talk about my therapy here on the air, but I will. I've been seeing therapists on and off my whole life. You know, I grew up in a jacked up family where nobody really cared about each other very much. So I think I've sort of been in and out of therapy my whole life because my relationships with people just have never felt right. Girlfriends never felt right. My place in the world just a little off. Something didn't feel right, you know, and there's some connection there. So I sort of dabbled in it. For those of you that don't know, my wife was hooked on prescription medication for five years and she's just come out of that and she's recovering now, but it was a really, really brutal five years in our house. Like my wife just turned into this person that I don't even know. Certainly not the woman that I signed up for. And she hasn't been the woman that I fell in love with. Just the drugs have taken her over and it has, it's been a rough five years for all of us, for everybody in the house. Without getting too much in depth with it, she's over that now. And she kicked the Habit. But for, like, five years now, I've sort of been in the house, but not in the house, if you know what I mean.

[E]

Like, mentally?

[D]

Yeah. I just been putting a lot of distance between Stacy and I, because I'm not going anywhere. I've got kids. I made a commitment. So I've always said to myself that if I'm in a marriage, that you've got to give it 250% before you walk out the door. And when you have kids, at least in my head, you have to give 450%. So I did what I could do. Stacy was going through this very painful time. I was going through it with her, and then I sort of wasn't going through it with her also, because I was keeping her at arm's length. And we disconnected. You know, I didn't know how to deal with it. Sometimes I was helping out, and other times I just mentally had to check out, you know, because this person was not the person that I fell in love with and I wasn't liking.

[F]

Well, I think a lot of times people don't realize the effect on caretakers in any situation, because everybody's affected by anything that's going on, like you said. And so I think that the person going through whatever struggle they're going through has to go through it, because it's there for. For you, who wasn't going through that physically, you had to kind of stand by and endure it and then deal with it. I think that there's so many people that don't know how to handle that situation.

[G]

And I think not only caretaker, but also addiction and the way that that runs through people's lives and marriages, you know?

[D]

Yeah. And the people around them aren't really allowed to talk and complain about it because the focus is on the person that's addicted and the pain that they're going through. So if you're the caretaker or you're in the house also, you sort of repress it, and you're like, well, I'm gonna put myself on the back burner right now, because this person's going through real pain, and I can't really bitch about it. So you sort of keep it inside.

[G]

It's like depression. Like partners of people who have depression have to deal with the other person's depression.

[F]

The consistent thing is that the caretaker is not going through it. So you're not addicted to it, but you have to deal with it. So you're feeling fine and you're ready to do whatever, but you can't. And over time, I mean, naturally, somebody's gonna distance themselves from that, and I

[D]

did, and the relationship has deteriorated. So now she's off the pain medications, and she kicked it in one weekend, and she's just been awesome about it, and she has turned back into a better version of what she was before she was on the pain medication. It, like, should jumpstart our relationship again. This is. I got her back. In fact, I'm so proud of her, too. I'm really proud of her. I mean, to do that in one weekend and stick to it like doctors would say would predict right now, she's not gonna stick with it because 99% of people that do it on their own and do it the way Stacey did in one weekend go back on the pain medication. But I've seen this woman in a lot of pain this week based on her back and her eye, and she is not touching it.

[F]

She won't go anywhere near you. Caused the eye problem, right?

[D]

Not purposely. People on accident. On accident. So to make a long story short, I've disconnected from my wife, and now that she's this new person, I'm having a tough time getting back into that mode. I've kept her at arm's length for so long and disconnected that I just don't feel there. I just don't feel it's there.

[G]

It's like that mode almost has become more regular.

[D]

That's the routine now. That's what I know. I mean, it's five years. We're not talking about five weeks. We're talking about five years. So I decided to go to start therapy for it. You know, how do I get back, you know, to this place that I need to be with my wife? I never fell out of love with Stacy. I just fell out of, like, with her a long time ago. And I'm just having a tough time getting back into it. So I go to see a therapist, and we're working on that. And while we're working on that, of course, when you go to see a therapist, you don't just work on one issue. A whole bunch of crap starts coming up. So what I have conveniently done is I've sort of repressed how bad my childhood has been. Like, my dad and my mom weren't physically abusive. They just didn't care. You know, there was never a priority in the house. There was never a vacation. There was never a birthday celebration. There was never the kids never came first. It was always them, them, them, them, them. And the kids just didn't matter. You know, that's how I grew up all the way until I left the house at 18 years old. So the ramifications of that, I didn't think it was a big deal because I got a lot of friends that felt like, to me, were in a worse situation than I were. I got a lot of friends that used to get beat by their dads every time they came in the house and stuff like that. So I've just sort of blocked it all out. You know, it's painful to talk about. I just didn't think it was as big a deal as others, and I didn't really know how big a deal it was until I have made my therapist cry twice in therapy over the last year. That is hard to do. I seriously did not realize how bad it was until she teared up on me twice. And I'm like, really? Is it that bad? Because when you grow up in that environment, that's all you know. So as I'm relaying the stories to her and I'm sort of doing it in this emotionless way, she's like, are you kidding me? Really? I'm like, yeah.

[F]

So that's not.

[D]

That's not something you want to hear from your therapist?

[F]

Are you kidding me? Of all the years that she's been

[D]

a therapist, dude, she's tearing up. I'm talking to her, and she's tearing up. And I literally would stop the session going, are you crying?

[F]

Like, wait a second.

[G]

I'm paying to cry in here, not you.

[D]

Oh, my God. I'd be like, oh, Bert.

[G]

I mean, you've always said when the rest of us have talked about family in here, that it's hard for you.

[D]

Yeah, it is. It's really hard.

[F]

Well, I also wonder.

[G]

I didn't think it was that bad.

[F]

I also wonder when you had kids, if that all this had to surface kind of resurface a little bit.

[D]

Well, part of this is. Part of my homework assignment this weekend is that I've compartmentalized all of it. Like, what happened to me in my childhood and how bad it was. I've just sort of, like, forgotten about. Literally forgotten about. I can't remember things that you guys can remember in your childhood. I have zero recollection on. Like, you probably have memories from when you were 6, 7, 8 years old,

[G]

first day of school.

[D]

I've got nothing. Really? I've got nothing. And when you guys probably have pictures that your parents took of you on those days to jog those memories, because my parents just didn't care, I got no point of Reference. No pictures, no nothing. So I can't remember anything. So I haven't really attacked this problem, my therapist thinks, for years and years and years and years. So I'm going to New York City this weekend because my mom's husband is celebrating his birthday, so we're gonna be in Manhattan. So my therapist has suggested that we drive to Long beach, where I grew up, and drive around the neighborhood a little bit and knock on the door of my childhood home and go in there and see if I can jog some memories loose.

[F]

Wow.

[G]

For what reason? What's the purpose of that? Like, if you do jog those memories and those childhood memories come up, like,

[D]

she feels like all that heal. She feels like when I tell the story of my childhood, that I tell it like it is, like it's a book, and that I don't attach the feelings to it and how painful it is. And until I do that and feel it and can jog some of those memories, that it's gonna be a difficult therapy for me. So she thinks by me cruising around Long beach and by me knocking on the door and walking through that house a little bit, that maybe it'll accelerate

[F]

things a little bit. Because if your mind is blocking that out, like. Like that's a total protection reason. One of my best friends growing up had abuse in the home and abuse of her in the home. And there were times when we were older that she would ask me questions about what happened because she had literally blacked out so many parts of her childhood because her emotions and her brain shut it down, because she obviously didn't feel she could handle thinking about those things again. But it's a difficult mechanic, but you can't process it or heal from it as long as it's blacked out.

[D]

And I've never talked to people about it before, so I just assumed nobody remembered anything from their childhood. I guess, like, if you don't talk to people about it, you just assume everybody else is the same way. So while I'm talking to my therapist about it, she's like, you can't remember a birthday? I can't remember a birthday. Not a birthday party. I barely remember the neighborhood. I don't remember nothing.

[G]

You had siblings, right?

[D]

I've got two stepbrothers.

[G]

Two stepbrothers that were older than you.

[D]

Both older, but by how many years? You're asking me questions I don't even know. Because everybody's so jacked up in my family and disconnected that I haven't talked to these people in 25 years. My cousin found me on Facebook and started sending me a couple of pictures from when I was a kid. Those are the only pictures I have now.

[F]

Your stepbrothers, were you ever in the same house with them?

[D]

I lived with my brother Andy for a little while, but my mother.

[G]

That's the first time I think I've ever heard his name.

[D]

Oh, really? Yeah, Same here. No kidding? Yeah. I lived with Andy for a while here, but my mother gave up all three children at one point. She gave up my oldest brother to. To her first husband. She gave up the middle child to my dad's sister, and then she gave me up to my dad. Wow. Sounds jacked up. And remember, this woman is a family therapist in New York City right now. A successful, very successful family therapist. Good morning, Ryan. You're on Q100 head. Hey, Bert.

[B]

How you doing?

[D]

All right, man. What's going on? I don't mean to be a downer, man. I'm just.

[B]

Oh, no, no. That's what made me call you. I mean, I'm going through the same exact thing you just said about your wife, but, I mean, my wife works at night. She's a dancer, and she's been doing this for a couple years now. I've got my two little girls, you know, that I keep every single night from the time I walk through the door when I get off work till the time they go to bed. And I've been doing this for quite a long time. And she just got hooked on these prescription pills. And like you said, she is not the same person I married. I mean, she went from this sweet, gorgeous woman to this absolutely hateful woman you can't ask a question to. This is the fourth time she's walked out the door and left me with these two little girls, regardless how many times I've tried to take her back. And I just cannot figure out what to do about this. I can't question her. I can't ask her anything about it. I mean, if you mention it, bring it up, it's like somebody's gonna attack you like a rabid dog.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know how to. I can't give you any advice on it at all. I really can't because I don't think I handled it very well. So I wish I could say that there was some magic word to get her into therapy, but I don't have one. Stacy just figured out. I mean, I was always sort of hounding her, but the thing about my wife is this, is that she's just Such a strong person that when she was telling me and I would bring up my concerns to her, she would tell me that she's not addicted, like, she could give it up in a second. And I just know her personality. When she tells me that, I believe her. And then one day, she just decided, that's it. No more. She couldn't actually get her prescription. She was in a different state. So she was forced to. To go without the pills, and it motivated her just to stop altogether. So she went through three or four days of complete detoxing where she was shaking on a couch and she was miserable, and she got out of it, and she hasn't gone back since.

[F]

The phrase, I can quit anytime I want to, that's the red flag phrase for anybody with any kind of addiction, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I would say this, that if I had to do it all over again, if I could give any advice to anybody that's going through this with their wife or their husband, I would say get involved immediately. Don't be scared. It's gonna be ugly. They're gonna argue with you. They're gonna fight with you. But if I had to do it all over again, I would have manned up more about it. I would have said, you don't even realize what you. Her doctors told her, her mom told her. I told her, but she's so damn strong and so damn proud. I thought, look, she's got a handle on everything, and I would have fought more. Mm. That's the only thing I would do differently. Hey, Carla, Good morning. Your on Q100.

[B]

My advice to Bird is don't go. Don't do it. I don't know how bad it was, but it's. There's a reason why you forgot things that you forgot.

[F]

Well, it's definitely affects him, though.

[D]

Yeah. And I'm. I'm not one to run away from stuff like that. I mean, I am the way I am right now, and I'm trying to make changes, and I think the only way you can do that is to be courageous about it. And I. This is something that I actually want to do now.

[G]

I mean, it still jogs the memories and stuff.

[D]

That's, like, causing you pain now. Yeah, I want that. You know, I want to go. I want to knock on the door. I want to go through it.

[G]

I'm going to go around it.

[D]

I'm not scared to go through. I want to go through it now.

[F]

It's putting a band aid on a gunshot wound. You know, it's like, to me, is the only thing I can think of because it's not going to heal that wound and it's always going to be there. You just gotta, you gotta get in there, clean it out and then it'll finally.

[D]

And I think the only way to, I think the only way to do that. Thanks. What a nice thing is stop oozing and stop getting infected. And I really think the only way to do that is to attack it head on. And if I don't do it, then I'm gonna, I think, regret the opportunity to do it. Cause I'm just not up there all that often, so I might as well go through it. And then I'm supposed to go to a birthday party that night.

[F]

Oh, yay.

[D]

That's the more interesting part of the whole thing.

[G]

Now, does your mom have to go

[D]

with you or is it just you by yourself? Just Stacy and I are gonna go by ourselves. So I'll let you guys know how it goes on Monday morning. Hey, the Birch Show. Tyler redick here from 2311 Racing, Victory Lane. Yeah, it's even better with Chumba by my side. RacetoChumbacasino do let's shamba. No purchase necessary VTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs 21 plus sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[C]

Hi, this is Alex Canceroitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

[E]

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