Host Burt (4:04)

And that right there, that was it.

Jessica (4:06)

See, I'm looking at him like, okay, first you're frustrated because you can't get your pizza right, and you're blaming her for the problem.

Jeff (4:12)

But where did I blame her? That's the point.

Jessica (4:14)

When you said, you shouldn't have. Yeah, you shouldn't have. Everything would be fine if you hadn't thrown the thing out.

Jeff (4:19)

But that's not blaming. That's like saying, but I'm thinking in her mind.

Jessica (4:23)

She's thinking, how did I get involved in this?

Host Burt (4:26)

So just those two words right there. You shouldn't anything after that. You're already gonna have the defense. The walls are up.

Jessica (4:32)

I'm not in the process of helping him fix the pizza. But somehow I'm to blame for the problem.

Jeff (4:36)

It would be like if Jen got up after this break and took all of her stuff that's sitting in front of her and took it back to her desk. Because the show's gonna end in 45 minutes. She doesn't have any more entertainment buzz. If she's done, she puts it back there. And then in a few minutes, I say, do you have a highlighter? And she says, don't blame me.

Jen (4:55)

Cause you're not prepared, right?

Jeff (4:56)

And she goes, no, I just took it to my desk. And then I say, oh, you shouldn't have taken it to your desk yet. I was gonna highlight this article for you. Then her response is, sorry about, like, why do you. Like, I'm blaming her for not having a highlighter.

Jessica (5:11)

But the difference is, comparatively, it would be if she had taken the high to her office six months ago and then you needed a highlighter. Now, like in what you're saying with Jessica, she threw this out earlier this year. So I just. I mean, I. Again, I just think even if you told Jen, well, you shouldn't have taken the highlighter out because I needed it. Even though it was Jen's highlighter.

Host Burt (5:29)

Either way, it's the two words there. You shouldn't. Is that what set her off?

Paige Desorbo (5:33)

Right.

Host Burt (5:33)

So here's what we would like to do here, and you guys can get in on this. 404-741-1005 not necessarily two words, but there are. There are some sentences, just one sentence that will always get you in a fight with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. And if you know what those sentences are before you get into the argument, you can avoid using those. And things are going to be much better.

Jen (5:57)

See, I think we have two of them here. You shouldn't have. Fill in the blank here. We'll definitely start an argument. Or don't blame me because you're not prepared.

Jeff (6:05)

Those are true.

Host Burt (6:06)

Right there.

Jen (6:06)

That's another phrase that would definitely send you into an argument.

Host Burt (6:09)

You're going to get into an argument. Let me give you a stereotypical sentence that without a doubt, if you're a man, will get you in a fight with your wife every time. You're just like your mother.

Jen (6:23)

Oh, yes.

Host Burt (6:25)

All right. That's one you want to avoid for sure.

Jessica (6:28)

Absolutely.

Host Burt (6:29)

If you want to stay away from a fight. Okay, so if you guys have these 404-741-1005 as a public service, we'll help each other out in our relationships here.

Jeff (6:37)

I've got two words for you, it doesn't even have to be a full sentence. Can be any sentence that starts with these two words. What, you never?

Host Burt (6:44)

Yeah.

Jen (6:45)

Yes, the word never.

Jessica (6:47)

See, I have on my list. Because if you're a collector of grudges is what I. Cause I will admit I'm a bad fighter. And the bad thing is, like, if you are failing at your fight, people naturally will take out old bullets from an old gun and try to shoot it again. So if it's you never, meaning we're encompassing everything we've ever done together or. That's typical, you know. Oh, well, that's typical, you know, like if somebody does something wrong and then you have to. Well, what do you mean that's typical? Well, remember, and then you're bringing up, like, the fight should only encompass what's going on at that moment in time. But I don't know if anybody's really good at allowing it just to be at that day and time.

Host Burt (7:27)

One sentence. Phrases that will always, without a doubt, get you in a fight.

Jen (7:31)

A common one that happens in my house is because my husband loses everything. So he says, where's my. Fill in the blank here? And I could count like 400 of those every day. Where's my keys? Where's my shoes?

Jeff (7:43)

But here's the communication.

Jen (7:44)

Wait, wait a minute. Here's the line that gets us into the fight is my response of when.

Host Burt (7:49)

He says, where are my keys?

Jen (7:51)

Why is that my job?

Host Burt (7:53)

Oh, okay.

Jessica (7:54)

What? What?

Host Burt (7:54)

Why is that my job?

Jen (7:56)

Okay, so that's the one that happens in my.

Jeff (7:58)

Let me give you.

Jen (7:59)

Why should I know? Why is that my job?

Jeff (8:00)

Let me give you a proper response, because for some reason, that drives Jessica nuts, too. How long have you been in with Ryan?

Jen (8:06)

Why is that my responsibility to know where your freaking keys are?

Jeff (8:09)

He just wants an ally. We're just frustrated.

Host Burt (8:13)

I'll tell you why. That argument right there happens all the time in our house. Because my wife loves to go ahead and move my stuff just because she thinks it's more convenient for me over here.

Jeff (8:25)

Yes.

Host Burt (8:25)

All right, so when I ask her, where are my keys? Chances are pretty good she's moved them nine times.

Jessica (8:31)

Let me follow up with that. Hold on, Jeff. One thing, though. If you say, but you know what can fix that? Is if a guy says, have you seen my keys? If you just change the tone of it a little bit. So it's not Jen's job, it's just, hey, by the way, if you talk about needing an ally. Hey, by the way, Jen, have you seen my Keys. I have seemed to lost them. And then your wife is more likely to help you look for them rather than, where are my keys? Keeper of my things.

Jeff (8:56)

This is a true story. And this is almost like Jen getting on the soapbox last week for when she threw her tantrum for whatever your tantrum is for. But like you said, how Stacy will move stuff, you know, around your house and then blame you for it when you can't find it. Swear to God. True story. Thanksgiving night, we went over to friend's house, lot of wine was drunk, come back to our house, and Jessica decides to make something on the stove using one of our Calphalon pots that you cannot put in the dishwasher. So she made it, rinsed it out, and left it in the sink, then left it in the sink for five days, giving me grief every single day because I didn't clean my pot that I used to cook something. Both of us were buzzed enough that we forgot she's the one who cooked something. So finally she throws a tantrum, pulls it out of the sink, violently scrubbing it with the brush going, I don't understand why I have to. What did you make anyways? And I was sitting at my computer, and I all of a sudden, like a light bulb turned on, I turned around and said, you made gravy. I feel better now.

Jessica (9:59)

Look, you just want to finish.

Host Burt (10:00)

He just wants to win. Good morning, Mark. You're on the Burt Show.

Caller (10:04)

Hey, good morning.

Host Burt (10:05)

Hi.

Caller (10:06)

What about when you start the sentence, I can't help it if you.

Host Burt (10:11)

Because it puts the blame right back on you.

Jessica (10:12)

Where's my keys?

Jen (10:13)

I can't help it if you lose them all the time.

Host Burt (10:17)

Good morning, Beth. You are on the Burt Show. The sentence that will always get you in a fight.

Jeff (10:21)

Oh, it's.

Caller (10:22)

You are such a guy.

Host Burt (10:24)

That one wouldn't bother me that much. Why would that be offensive?

Caller (10:27)

Stupid guy stuff, though.

Jen (10:28)

But it's a compliment to Burt.

Jessica (10:31)

But if you said, you're such a woman, if you say you're such a woman, though, I don't think that women would take that too well.

Host Burt (10:37)

You're being such a woman.

Jessica (10:38)

Yeah.

Host Burt (10:39)

Why are you being such a woman about it?

Jeff (10:40)

I found that a lot of times that if you are fighting with someone and you say a woman, and you say you must be menstruating, that's really.

Jen (10:47)

Yeah.

Host Burt (10:47)

That really smooths the tip that a.

Jeff (10:49)

Lot of times smooth things over. Cause then you're showing sex sympathy because you know that once a month they just be. Satan takes over. So you're just showing sympathy to their plight.

Jen (10:58)

Do you have permission to throw something at him now?

Jessica (11:00)

Jeff is just.

Host Burt (11:00)

You don't need permission for that.

Jessica (11:01)

Jeff is just channeling. He's channeling every bit of his anger out on us.

Jeff (11:05)

But I think that you're obviously menstruating anytime. Must be that time of month.

Jessica (11:09)

Anytime friends of mine are in a new relationship, like, I always wait until their first argument. Because to me, the real test of a relationship is not the lovey, lovey. I'm in love. We're a honeymoon. That's because I really do think that as a couple, and I have friends that criticize me for saying this, but you have to fight well as well as get along well, because you're gonna fight. And your relationship. If you fight well, then you will be able to maintain a relationship. But if you were the type that just.

Host Burt (11:35)

The curses.

Jessica (11:36)

Yeah. This abusive, then your relationship's not gonna work.

Host Burt (11:40)

Good morning, Kristen. You're on the Burt Show.

Jeff (11:42)

Hi.

Caller (11:43)

Before, when you said the phrase, you're just like your mother. I know, at least for my boyfriend and I, when he. The worst thing he can say to me is, you're just like my mother.

Host Burt (11:54)

And when he's referring to his own mother.

Jessica (11:55)

Yes. Yeah.

Caller (11:56)

Because chances are pretty good when he says, you remind me of my mother.

Host Burt (12:00)

Yeah. He's spending a lot of time complaining about his mom. Yeah. That makes perfect sense. That makes perfect sense.

Jeff (12:06)

All right.

Host Burt (12:07)

Thank you.

Caller (12:08)

Thank you.

Host Burt (12:09)

404-741-1005 what are you guys looking at each other like that for?

Jessica (12:13)

Well, the first thought that came to my mind is, but usually a guy is like, he wants to be mothered by you, and then he turns around and says, use it against you.

Host Burt (12:20)

Yeah, See, there'. There's a fine line here between mothering and controlling. And I don't know that any woman knows what that line is.

Jeff (12:27)

I've also found that sometimes when you're talking with a woman just covering your ears and going, why are you always making noise? That also really kind of breaks the tension in the room and takes it to a different level.

Host Burt (12:38)

Good morning, Karen.

Paige Desorbo (12:40)

Hi.

Caller (12:40)

I really hate when people start off a conversation saying, first of all, that just puts me on the defensive because.

Host Burt (12:47)

You'Re gonna know there's two or three other things coming that are gonna hit you right between the eyes.

Jessica (12:51)

There's the list. That's a list coming.

Jeff (12:54)

I would throw that at people and then just never follow up with anything. First of all, I got to tell you, I don't like your Attitude.

Jessica (13:01)

You're just a beard. Jessica is so lucky.

Host Burt (13:06)

Good morning, Catherine. You're on the Burt showing all the hits. Q100.

Caller (13:09)

Yeah, I got one that drives me crazy. Every time when anything bad happens, it's always. That figures.

Host Burt (13:17)

That figures.

Jessica (13:18)

That's typical. That figures.

Host Burt (13:19)

Same thing.

Jessica (13:20)

Yeah.

Host Burt (13:20)

And again, that's bringing in past fight.

Jessica (13:23)

I mean, because. Yeah, yeah. And I. I've been guilty of this, where I've been in a relationship in which it's just like those old wounds never seem to heal. So in six months later, you can bring something that happened six months ago and then just can't. I mean, it's. If with the right person, I'm not. But with other people, I have been. Where?

Jen (13:40)

Bring out the trunk, let me open up everything. You're done.

Jessica (13:44)

Wrong.

Host Burt (13:44)

I can't even imagine in your world, you know, with two women, how you guys remember every small detail. Yeah. Bringing out that trunk. On both sides, arguments must last four and a half hours.

Jessica (13:54)

Yes. And they never end. And it's not always typical because, like I said, I just haven't been with the right partner. But I think that with two women, you're more than likely. Because if they start something on me, then, I mean, I'm a female, too, and I can turn it right back on you about all the things you've done, and that's not healthy.

Host Burt (14:09)

Good morning.

Jeff (14:10)

That's what they should do over to those. Like those Fallujah and all those places in Iraq where they're trying to root people out, is just send over a bunch of lesbians to argue. Just put them in the same room and they'll start running.

Jessica (14:20)

You're ridiculous.

Host Burt (14:21)

Good morning, Tony.

Jessica (14:22)

You're such a homophobe.

Caller (14:23)

Hi. If the two words grow up, they cause a bit of insanity.

Host Burt (14:29)

So if a woman says grow up to you. See, Jeff thinks that that is like a slam dunk.

Jeff (14:34)

Well, it depends on the situation. Like, if I'm trying to be legitimate, then no. But if I've done something practical, jokey.

Jen (14:41)

And I get to grow up, if you say. If you say I'm not ready for kids and she gives you a grow up, then you're mad.

Jeff (14:48)

Yeah.

Host Burt (14:48)

This one is a classic. Good morning, Mandy.

Caller (14:51)

Hey. The worst thing is when they say, why don't you just relax?

Host Burt (14:55)

Yeah. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of that. Because it totally diminishes the emotion of the other person that you're having the argument with.

Jeff (15:04)

Totally.

Host Burt (15:04)

Oh, yeah. Urinating.

Jessica (15:06)

You're right.

Host Burt (15:06)

I just don't understand why you're so upset about something like something so small drives my life crazy.

Jessica (15:12)

I think two words that are worse than relax is calm down. Oh, yeah, Calm down to me is worse than relax. Yeah. Why don't you just calm down first? Oh, you should shut up.

Jeff (15:22)

How about, I've never realized how smart you really aren't.

Jen (15:25)

Yeah, I haven't ever used that one. What is wrong with you?

Host Burt (15:28)

Do you realize you've just stopped the show five straight times?

Jessica (15:31)

Grow up, Jeff.

Jeff (15:33)

Oh, you relax.

Host Burt (15:36)

Hey, Leslie, you're on all the hits. Q100.

Caller (15:39)

Good morning.

Jeff (15:40)

How are you?

Jessica (15:41)

Good, good. They're starting to fight in here. I don't know.

Caller (15:45)

My husband always tells me when we're fight, it's always about you.

Host Burt (15:48)

It's always about you. Again, Melissa's thing, you bring it in the past in the now.

Jen (15:53)

But it's also the belittling tone that. That is too. That's belittling. Oh, it's always about you, isn't it?

Host Burt (16:00)

How about this? How about when you're in an argument and someone says, okay, you're always right. Yes, give up. You're always right. I'm wrong. You're always right.

Jen (16:09)

And you're like, no, keep fighting with me.

Jessica (16:12)

I think that's where that old phrase, you know, don't go to bed mad. You know, when grandparents or parents have said. Said that is because, like, if you. If you start a fight, you need to end it right there because, yes, it is dangerous to bring in. I would love. Yeah, I can't do that. I can't. It's hard for. I've never been able to successfully do it. But the best way to fight is to get it over with and then be done with it. But I think the worst fights are the ones where Jeff, well, six months ago, you shouldn't have thrown out that.

Elf/Drew Ski (16:37)

I wasn't a fight.

Jeff (16:38)

I wasn't blaming her.

Host Burt (16:39)

I love the couples that have, you know, in theory say, you know what? Makeup sex is always the best sex. You know, you have a big old fight, you guys make up, you guys realize how important the relationship is, and then you have great sex. I have never been able to do that because after a fight, I stay mad for the next 24 hours. Even if we resolve it, it's cool. I'm cool, you're cool. I need 24 hours to cool, to cool down, and I'm total chick. Morning. All the hits Q100.

Jeff (17:05)

Hey.

Host Burt (17:06)

Hey, what's up?

Caller (17:07)

Bird show.

Host Burt (17:07)

What's going on?

Caller (17:08)

This is the one that always gets my wife in our house when I say common sense should tell you.

T Mobile Announcer (17:15)

Because.

Caller (17:16)

She'S like, why are you questioning my intelligence?

Host Burt (17:18)

Yeah.

Caller (17:19)

And she goes slam off.

Host Burt (17:21)

Yeah. One more here, Kevin, you're on all the hits. Q100.

Caller (17:26)

Yeah, and you wonder why I drink.

Jeff (17:30)

Yeah, that would cause a fight in anyone's house. But Crash and Lady Crash.

Host Burt (17:33)

Right?

Jessica (17:33)

Right.

Jeff (17:35)

The bird show.

Paige Desorbo (17:38)

Guys.

Mrs. Claus's Sister (17:38)

Thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

Elf/Drew Ski (17:41)

This thing weighs a ton.

Host Burt (17:42)

Brusky. Live with your legs, man.

Paige Desorbo (17:43)

Santa.

Jen (17:44)

Santa, did you get my letter?

Elf/Drew Ski (17:45)

He's talking to you, Brittus.

Host Burt (17:47)

I'm not.

Mrs. Claus's Sister (17:48)

Of course he did.

Host Burt (17:49)

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

Elf/Drew Ski (17:53)

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

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Jeff (18:14)

Nice.

Elf/Drew Ski (18:15)

My side of the tree is slipping.

Caller (18:16)

Timber.

Host Burt (18:17)

The holidays are better.

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Paige Desorbo (18:37)

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