The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Vault: What Was Your Kid's First Curse Word?

Release Date: January 22, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lighthearted and relatable episode, the Bert Show cast shares hilarious (and sometimes mortifying) stories about the first time their kids uttered a curse word. The discussion mixes personal anecdotes, listener call-ins, and reflections on how children absorb adult language. The hosts debate how parents should react in the moment, swap parenting advice, and bond over the shared sense of embarrassment and amusement that accompanies these "milestone" moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. How Kids Pick Up Cuss Words

• Jeff opens the show reflecting on how even careful parents inevitably slip up and kids absorb more than expected:

  “I thought we were doing a pretty good job of monitoring and editing ourselves, but I guess we’re not.” (00:13, Jeff)

• The cast jokes about blaming each other or their spouses for where the language comes from.
• Several hosts admit that despite best intentions, profanities sneak into the family vernacular, especially during stressful moments.

2. Jeff’s Story: Hayden’s First F-Bomb

• Jeff describes a memorable incident at a silent movie theater watching Chicken Little:

  “He gets upset. And he said he drops the F bomb—Effin cup—in the middle of the theater.” (02:41, Jeff)

• Jeff and Stacy’s initial reaction is denial, trying to convince themselves they misheard. But later, at home, Hayden confirms it:

  “So I asked him, I said, what did you just say, Hayden? And clear as day, he says, effing dog right to me.” (04:46, Jeff)

• The cast is impressed by Hayden’s contextual usage, debating whether this is a sign of linguistic talent or household sloppiness.

  “Not only did he get the word, but he also used it as an adjective in context…. That’s a brilliant first use of the F word.” (03:04, Melissa)

3. How (and Whether) to Correct Kids

• Discussion turns to whether parents should address the bad word or ignore it so as not to give it extra power.

  “You don’t wanna laugh. You don’t wanna come down too hard. You don’t wanna bring attention to it.” (04:14, Jeff referencing Stacy)

• Melissa suggests replacing the word with a softer term after a cooling-off period:

  “You and Stacy have to eliminate that word.... Then like, a month from now, if he’s still using it, then you say, ‘Oh, we don’t say that. You say, darn dog.’” (05:17, Melissa)

4. Parental Blame and Realizations

• Jeff admits most parents, privately, blame the other partner for their child’s language slip.

  “In the back of your mind, you immediately blame the other parent…. But then I caught myself.” (05:31–05:58, Jeff)

• The crew relates, acknowledging moments when self-awareness hits.

5. Listener Call-Ins: More Hilarious First Curse Word Stories

• Stacy: Her four-year-old son curses after dropping food at a church brunch:

  “…Sunday brunch after church…. My son dropped his broccoli casserole on his lap and says the sh. word, like, pretty loud under his breath…. The room fell dead silent.” (07:02, Stacy)

• Jeremy: His two-year-old daughter objects to watching Barney, exclaiming:

  “Nah, Barney’s a bitch.” (09:14, Jeremy)

• Sherry: Her daughter refers to a toy gun as an “F A U” (FU), having absorbed it from action movies:

  “She thought the gun was called that because in the movies…they say it.” (12:10–12:26, Sherry) Later, the same little girl mimics her father’s road rage by calling a bad driver an “ask a moron,” to her parents’ horror and amusement.

6. Why It’s So Memorable (and Mortifying)

• Everybody agrees that the shock and comedy of hearing a tiny voice curse is powerful—a memory that endures, regardless of embarrassment.

  “It’s so scary. It’s unbelievable to hear your little angels say those things.” (12:57, Sherry)

• The hosts underscore how quickly kids pick up on everything adults do and say:

  "You realize how much they're picking up. You don't even realize they're listening." (10:12, Mary)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Well, he learned it from the best, I guess.” (03:22, Jeff, joking about Hayden’s talent for cussing)
• “If my kid properly used the F bomb because Sasha took a hot dog out of his hands, I would…be in tears.” (04:26, Melissa)
• “You always want to blame the other parent. Anything that’s wrong with your kid.... It had to be Mom.” (08:01, Jeff)
• “Did you explain to him that Barney is androgynous and therefore couldn’t be a bitch?” (09:53, Melissa, playing devil’s advocate about Jeremy’s daughter's comment)
• “There are times where it’s like you can’t quite make it out. So you almost talk yourself into like, they couldn’t have just said that, but there it is, clear as day.” (10:04, Jeff)
• “That kid…will have a glossary of words.” (11:11, Karen, joking about giving Melissa charge of Jeff’s son)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Jeff’s Movie Theater Story (Hayden’s first F-bomb): 01:17–04:46
• How to Handle Kids Cussing (Parenting Debate): 04:11–05:40
• Listener Call-In: Stacy, Cursing at Church Brunch: 07:02–08:01
• Listener Call-In: Jeremy’s Daughter & ‘Barney’: 09:10–10:04
• Listener Call-In: Sherry’s Daughter, Action Movies, and Road Rage: 11:23–12:57

Episode Tone & Style

The episode is warm, candid, and playful, packed with good-natured ribbing and laughter. While ribald, the hosts maintain a family-friendly undercurrent, often undercutting shock with practical parenting wisdom and empathetic honesty. The humor is self-deprecating, and no one is precious about their parenting mistakes.

Overall Takeaway

This Bert Show episode spotlights a rite of passage for parents: the unexpected, laugh-out-loud moments when kids mimic adult language. Listeners are reminded to be mindful of what they say around little ears—but also to savor the hilarity and humanity of these fleeting, memorable parenting struggles.