The Bert Show — Vault: Who On The Show Is Most Likely To Cheat On Their Partner?

Date: December 17, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting (The Bert Show Cast: Bert, Jen, Crash, Melissa, Jeff, and others)

Episode Overview

This lively episode centers on a candid, tongue-in-cheek group discussion: "Which Bert Show member is most likely to cheat on their partner… and why?" Framed as a fun, self-deprecating exercise in honesty and listener engagement, the show asks both cast and fans to reflect on the sometimes differing perceptions between how the hosts see themselves versus how listeners view them. Listeners are invited to call in and vote with their reasoning, sparking playful debate, blunt confessions, and spicy banter among the cast.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Concept: Who Would You Trust (or Distrust) with Your Kids — and More

The episode kicks off with a discussion of perceptions and trust (04:00).
The morning meeting involved questions like "Which show member would you most trust to watch your kids?"—with answers revealing how differently the cast and listeners might view everyone.

2. Main Question Drawn — Most Likely to Cheat?

The big question for the day is pulled: "Which morning show member would be most likely to cheat on their spouse? And why?" (06:10)
The group sets ground rules: It's okay to be offended by the answers, but no one is allowed to get defensive.

3. Hosts’ Honest Self-Assessments & Rapid-Fire Jokes

Crash immediately volunteers:

"Yeah, me. Oh, yeah. In a heartbeat."
— Crash (07:00)
The group continues the roast: Melissa, Bert, and Jen all jokingly accuse each other (07:30–08:00), with playful ribbing about attire and reputation.
Crash is often the default suspect, with jokes about drunken mishaps.

4. Listener Calls & Reactions

Listener Sicily explains her pick—a tie between Bert and Crash, but ultimately Crash takes it due to "drunken stupor":

"Originally, Bert, I was going to go with you because of the history and your dad and all of that, but you throw Crash in there, and you know what? Hands down, drunken stupor. Crash, more than likely."
— Sicily (09:20)
She acknowledges Bert’s commitment despite his “history”:

"One of the things that I do admire about you, Bert, is your commitment... every time you talk about marriage... you're sticking it out. So proud of you, dude."
— Sicily (10:00)
Maureen picks Jen, based on her attractiveness and projecting she might get swept away:

"Because she's so pretty. And I just know that once somebody's gonna rule her, and then she's gonna be like, okay, I'm going with you."
— Maureen (11:30)
The group reacts with laughter and more jokes about Jen and "Mr. T".
Another caller picks Bert, citing his “holier than thou” attitude about fidelity:

"Whenever you talk about the possibility of cheating in that whole situation, you're so holier. And they're like, oh, I would never do it... and I just think that you would... not meaning to... and then before you know it, it's too late to turn back."
— Anonymous female caller (12:20)
Morning caller accuses Jen, referencing celebrity encounters:

"You almost did with Ashton. It wasn't Ashton. It was the other dude in Dude, Where’s My Car?... Maybe it was Stifler."
— Caller (13:50)
Deborah sums up the “good girl/bad girl” dichotomy for Jen:

"Because it's the ultimate bad thing. You know, you're from Hobbyville or Hobby Land... got the bad girl trying to come out of the good girl."
— Deborah (16:30)

5. Hosts’ Honest Reflections on Temptation and Fear

Bert gets candid about his own self-doubt:

"It's still the thing that scares me most about my marriage... infidelity on my part, that I would screw up. And maybe that's why I don't."
— Bert (11:10)
The group agrees that facing temptations and openly discussing one's fears is healthier than denial.

6. General Consensus

The audience consensus seems to swing between Bert, Crash, and Jen—with listeners giving colorful and varied reasons.
The hosts wrap up acknowledging ties: "General consensus is between you and I. Either me or you." (17:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Crash’s self-nomination:

"Yeah, me. Oh, yeah. In a heartbeat."
(Crash, 07:00)
Listener roasting Bert:

"Not saying you're... the caller said you're holier than thou. I don't see that. But you do have a lot of, like. It, like, puts you on edge when people... you or anyone else in the room starts talking about cheating or whatever. I'm very, very hardcore about it, man. That's how I keep myself in line."
(Bert & male caller, 14:20)
Deborah’s “Hobbyville” burn to Jen:

"I got the bad girl trying to come out of the good girl... One day you're gonna wake up, there’s gonna be color in your world, you’re gonna wanna go..."
(Deborah, 16:30)
Hosts confronting their own flaws:

"Well, I think it's important that you even... that you define that as a fear, you know, Because I think it's more dangerous to ignore that than to face it."
(Melissa to Bert, 11:15)

Timestamps for Important Segments

04:00 — Perception vs. reality discussion and setup for the game
06:10 — The main question is drawn: who’s most likely to cheat?
07:00-08:00 — Quick-fire, in-studio confessions and teasing
09:20-10:00 — First caller (Sicily) votes Crash, discusses Bert’s “history”
11:10 — Bert discusses his own fears about infidelity
11:30 — Maureen claims Jen would cheat “because she’s so pretty”
12:20 — Female caller says Bert is “holier than thou” but vulnerable
13:50 — A listener references Jen’s celebrity temptation
14:20 — Male caller confronts Bert's hardcore stance on cheating
16:30 — Deborah gives the “good girl/bad girl” Hobbyville analysis
17:40 — Bert and Jen acknowledge they’re the leading suspects
18:00 — Segment winds down with everyone owning up to their public perception

Summary and Takeaways

This episode of The Bert Show masterfully blends insightful vulnerability with comedic bravado. Listeners gain a deeper understanding of the cast—flaws, fears, and all—while the playful format invites fans into the conversation. By tackling a “taboo” topic like cheating with openness and humor, the show continues its tradition of authenticity and relatability, leaving listeners entertained and perhaps a bit more reflective about perception, self-control, and honesty.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree. Zoey, this thing weighs a ton. Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man. Santa. Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you britches. I'm not. Of course he did. Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus? Hi, Mrs. Claus. Claus, much younger sister. And AT T mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch, so you can keep your old phone or give it as a gift. And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes. Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile, switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in U.S. cellular stores with sweetheartly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 vice connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel financing agreement. 256gigs. $830. Eligible for it in a new line. $100 plus a month plan with auto fees required to count 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first, There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes. The bird show. All right. We have realized, much like you guys probably, that the way we see ourselves may or may not be different than the way you guys see us. Very true. And I think anybody can say that individually, but as a show, that may be very, very true. We want to test that. We were sitting in our meeting yesterday. I don't even know how this came up, but somebody, I think somebody just threw out the question, hey, which one of us? Because we were going to answer these questions ourselves. So somebody, I think Jen said like, hey, which one of you guys would you most. Which one of us would you most trust to watch your kids? Right? Like, you know, so like, I would have to choose between Jen, Melissa and Bert and we'll throw Crash into. Right? So yeah, Crash is included. Jen, Melissa Burton, Crash. Who? Who would I most trust to watch my kids? And we came up with a whole bunch of these questions and then decided, more fun than us answering it because let's reverse the question. Who would you least trust with your kids? I think probably most people would say Crash. I Don't think so. I think it would be you. I'd go with you. So you're ruining my theory. All right? Who's most likely to. You know, like, our answers would probably be universal. You know what I mean? Because we all see, we think. Right? That's the thing, is that I think that Bert's right. The perception. Our perception of listeners is gonna be different than their perception. A listener's perception might be different. They might listen to the radio and go, oh, totally trust Crash with my kids. But Burt, no way. Right? So we came up with, like, 20 of these questions and threw them all in an envelope. And how are we gonna do we just pull one today? Yeah, just pull one, and you guys answer 404-741-1005 and answer honestly. We're not gonna be offended. Nobody's allowed to get defensive and start coming down on the listeners. Do we agree on that? Yes. We've done this kind of stuff before. And, like, when we had Lindsey in here, she was getting all mad at the listeners and chewing them out. Never listen to us again. Oh, gosh, no. You have to tell us. You have to tell us who would answer the question for you and then why. Like, you have to give us the reason behind it. I'll pull the question first so we can. This will be our official question. Now, no doubt we'll get offensive, but you can't get defensive. Okay? Okay. You can be offended, but you can't defend. Right? Got it. So these questions all start with whatmorningshowmember? Dot, dot. So the question drawn for today is what morning show member would be most likely to cheat on their spouse? And why. Why is everyone looking at me? Question answered. Next one. Now, do we want to take a stab at these first with each other? But see, this is one where I think it might all be the panic in your eyes. I'm not really panicked about this. Are you? I'm not panicked about this one. I'm out. You're out. You don't want to do that. Wish I'm at a partner. We just assumed that you have a spouse. All right, let's assume I have a spouse. And again, the question to you guys listening is, which one of us in here would be most likely to screw around on their partners? 404-741-1005. Crash, we'll start with you. Excuse me. Could you defy the word screwing around? I don't properly know the words screwing around. Thank you. Crash, you want to start? Who do I think? Yeah, me. Okay. Oh, yeah. In a heartbeat. Melissa. Crash. Crash. Sorry, buddy. Crash. And it would be with you, too, especially because that. That tank top you're wearing today. I'm gonna go with Jen hobby for the same reason Simon told Fantasia that she had a bad night. Just so I'm not. It's not universally crying. Thank you, Jeff. Love you, big guy. Crash, I'll go with you on this one. Thank you, Bert. All right, sure. Good morning, Sicily. You're on all the hits Q100. Good morning, guys. How are y'? All? Good, thank you. Well, I was just listening and was hearing. And one of the questions was, who would be most likely to cheat on their wife? Yes. And originally, Bert, I was going to go with you because of the history and your dad and all of that, but you throw Crash in there, and you know what? Hands down, drunken stupor. Crash, more than likely. All right, I'll take the silver on that, though. I'm sorry, but you have a good theory, because I've got the history in the family of the old man screwing around, and I did all that screwing around before I got in a relationship with Stacy. So my history would dictate it. Yeah, yeah, that is true. But one of the things that I do admire about you, Bert, is your commitment. So I got to give you a thumbs up on that, because every time you do talk about marriage and talk about, you know, the things that you and Stacy, you know, go through or whatever, you're. You're sticking it out. So proud of you, dude. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right, guys. Have a great one. Love, y'. All. It's still the thing that scares me most about my marriage. And I know this. This won't make Stacy feel any better, but it's still a burning question that scares the hell out of me. Infidelity on my part that you would screw up. That I would screw up. And maybe that's why I don't. Well, I think it's important that you even. That you define that as a fear, you know, Because I think it's more dangerous to ignore that than to face it. Maureen, you're on all the hits Q100. Hello. Hey, I gotta say, Jen. Jen. Why Jen? Because she's so pretty. And I just know that once somebody's gonna rule her, and then she's gonna be like, okay, I'm going with you. Now it's your turn. Who's gonna get her? Mr. T. Over there, huh? Jen's gonna cheat on her husband with Mr. T. Mr. T. Morning. All the hits Q100. It's gotta be Burt. Me. Okay. Why? Because whenever you talk about the possibility of cheating in that whole situation, you're so holier. And they're like, oh, I would never do it. I can't imagine my wife with another man. I just can't imagine doing it. Right. And I just think that you would. You would put yourself in the situation. Not meaning to. And then you would. You'd just be like, oh, I wouldn't. And then you would. Okay, I'm not exactly sure, like, how I would accidentally put myself in that situation. Well, because you would. It would present itself, and you would be so confident that you wouldn't do it because you're so holier than now. That about it. And then you would just keep getting deeper into it, and then before you know it, it's too late to turn back. Okay. Yeah. I'm not getting defensive. Not at all. Okay. Good morning. No, Melissa was mad at him. Like, don't. No, not at all. Morning. All the hits Q100. I think Jen would. Jen would. I would. Why? You almost did with Ashton. It wasn't Ashton. It was the other dude in dude, where's my Car? Oh, yeah, that dude. Sean Williams. Scott. Maybe. Maybe it was Stifler. Maybe it was Stifler. Or Bad Pit, as he was dressed in Troy in that armor. Morning. All the hits Q100. Hello. I think it's Jeff. Definitely Jeff. Oh, yeah, because of the whole soulmate discussion you guys had where he was talking to his ex girlfriend. Mm. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, Definitely. I don't remember that at all. No, that was me. That was Crash. Was it Crash? No, but see, Jeff was the one that was fantasizing about an ex girlfriend while he was with his wife. Okay, well, then both of them, then. Yeah, I think that was more you. You were saying that you knew who your soulmate was and. Lady Crash, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, this should be an interesting one. The first of you thinks it's me, and they're mistaken. They think I'm Crash. Cool. Hey, Harrison, you're on all the hits Q100. Hey, Bert, how you doing? Real quick, I think it'd be you. Okay. And not only that, not trying to drag your. Any kind of skeletons you may have in the closet out. I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't already. I wish you would tell me who she. So I could at least. I could have at least enjoyed it. I wish you would tell us who she was. I wish I knew. Yeah, I hear you. Not. I'M not saying you're. The caller said you're holier than thou. I don't see that. But you do have a lot of, like. It, like, puts you on edge when people, you know, when you or anyone else in the room starts talking about cheating or whatever. I'm very, very hardcore about it, man. That's how I keep myself in line. I am very. Because I saw what it can do. I mean, my dad did this to my mom for years and years and years. I'm pretty hardcore, too. When I cheat, I go all out, man. I tell you. So, yeah, I guess I do get on a soapbox about that, for sure. That's definitely like a. That's an exposed nerve for me, for sure. Yeah. All right, man. Thank you. Thank you. Bye bye. And good morning, Deborah. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi. Hello. Hi. You guys are great. I love you. Thank you. But it would be Jen. Jen. Why? Because it's the ultimate bad thing. You know, you're from Hobbyville or Hobby Land. I'm like, I got the bad girl trying to come out of the good girl. Yeah. You already married a rock star. Yeah. I don't know. My husband's pretty hot. I mean, I'm really, really attracted to him. So I don't know. I mean, I'm not being defensive. Don't get. Oh, well, let me tell you why I wouldn't. I'm not. It's just a perception, listeners. I haven't said that yet, as I'm just saying that my husband is a hottie. I think you're okay. I think. Disgusting. It's okay. You're not getting defensive. Okay. I think the listeners got a point, though, because Hobbyville is this black and white Loveland. One day you're gonna wake up, there's gonna be color in your world. You're gonna wanna go. There's color in the world that you ain't never seen. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I'm gonna roll with that. She just busted you in a joke where we all went, ooh, but nobody knows what it means. Color in the world of land. At least the duck is floating on your pond. That's a hobby. Loud. Hobby Land cut down right there. General consensus is between you and I. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Either me or you. That sucks. Well, you want to go? Just get it over with. Let's do it. I guess you were right, Harrison. And it's already half between Jen and I. Yeah. You nailed us. Oh, that ain't happening. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You nailed each other. The bird show. Hey, you want to pay just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost? Boba. Just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost. Yeah, I totally do. This holiday, the best gift is for you. Pay just $10 a month for the first two months and $25 a month forever with unlimited data, talk and text offer. Valid@boostmobile.com after your first two months, you'll pay $25 a month unless you go online or call to cancel. Requires autopay. Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree. Zoe. This thing weighs a ton. Briski, Live with your legs, man. Santa. Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not. He did. Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus? I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister and AT T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone or give it as a gift. And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15. 15 minutes. Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with three four monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 vice connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier accounts and financing agreement. 256 gates $830 eligible board in a new line. 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. 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