Vault: Who Would Quit Their Job Because Of Traffic?

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Who Would Quit Their Job Because of Traffic?"

Date: December 29, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode dives into the overwhelming frustration of Atlanta traffic and explores an intriguing question: Is traffic so bad that it could make someone quit their job? The Bert Show team shares listener stories, personal anecdotes, and playful banter about extreme commutes and moments when the gridlock just became too much.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Catalyst: Listener Dylan’s Traffic Meltdown

• [01:31] The conversation begins with mention of a listener, Dylan, who called into the show in a fit of rage over Atlanta's traffic, nearly handing in his resignation because of the morning gridlock.
  • "He almost quit." — Kimber [01:54]
  • "He was really calling in just to turn in his resignation because he did not want to be here." — Jeff [01:57]
• This sets the stage for a broader discussion about the extremes people go to (or fantasize about) because of traffic stress.

2. Listeners’ Wild Escapes and Commute Horror Stories

• Denny’s Fence Dodging Escape

  • [02:13] Denny recounts how traffic pushed him to drive off-road:
    • After sitting in traffic for an hour, he told his coworker to get out and dismantle a fence. Once flat, Denny drove through it and escaped via service roads.
    • "I am getting off this highway one way or the other." — Jeff [03:02]
    • The hosts admire Denny’s boldness, jokingly calling him a hero for listeners everywhere.

• Matt’s Commute-Quitting Moment

  • [03:13] Matt describes having had a job with a grueling commute:
    • Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes two hours, no predictability.
    • Eventually, sitting in traffic, he realized, “I'm not doing this,” and quit after just two weeks.
    • Matt admits to sometimes using the emergency lane during backups:
      • "You're a cheater. You're a traffic cheater." — Jeff [04:03]
      • "I'm impatient." — Crash [04:06]
  • Matt also shares an extreme scenario when he left his car on the side of the highway after an explosion and walked to a Hooters to wait out the jam and grab a drink.
    • "I left my car there all night. I got a hotel room across the street, too." — Matt [04:37]

• Pam’s Olympic-Sized Frustration

  • [04:54] Pam recalls working at Hooters during the Atlanta Olympics, when parking downtown was impossible.
    • “After driving around looking for a parking place for about 45 minutes, I went home.” — Pam [05:19]
    • She ultimately decided the hassle wasn’t worth it, despite the good pay:
      • “The money was great, but it wasn’t worth all the traffic and the stress and the crowds.” — Pam [05:43]
    • The hosts note she quit during a temporary high-traffic period:
      • “She quit her job during a time that was temporary. Like the Olympics were just for two weeks.” — Jeff [05:56]

• Mike on Today’s Traffic Disaster

  • [06:08] Mike calls in, noting that the major roadways (especially Highway 400) are such a mess, you might as well watch the sunrise and sunset on your commute:
    • “400 is the only road you can go down Cedar Sunrise and Sunset before you get to work.” — Crash [06:13]

3. Hosts’ Own Traffic Admissions and Pet Peeves

• [06:41] Kimber: Advises that with traffic this bad, "find a Waffle House, buy a newspaper... have a long breakfast and enjoy your coffee."
• [06:49] Jeff: Shares a story of running a red light in the early morning out of pure impatience, only to get honked at by the only other car around!
• [07:28] Matt: Admits to running two red lights at 5am just to avoid waiting:
  • “Still. Five in the morning, no one's on the road. I ran like two red lights just because I was just—I didn’t feel like waiting.”
• [07:41] Kimber: Vents about drivers who block her right turns when all other lanes are empty:
  • "I get mad at people who get in the right lane when I have to make a right turn and all the lanes are empty... you're making my four minute commute 4:45."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "He almost quit." — Kimber [01:54]
• "I am getting off this highway one way or the other." — Jeff to Denny [03:02]
• "You're a cheater. You're a traffic cheater." — Jeff to Matt [04:03]
• "I left my car there all night. I got a hotel room across the street, too." — Matt [04:37]
• "The money was great, but it wasn’t worth all the traffic and the stress and the crowds." — Pam [05:43]
• "I ran like two red lights just because I was just—I didn’t feel like waiting." — Matt [07:28]
• "You're making my four-minute commute four forty-five." — Kimber [07:55]

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:31] Introduction to traffic meltdown theme, Dylan’s story
• [02:13] Denny’s fence escape adventure
• [03:13] Matt’s commuting struggles and traffic coping methods
• [04:54] Pam’s Olympic parking woes and quitting story
• [06:08] Mike’s current day traffic misery
• [06:41] Hosts share their own commuter shortcuts and irritations

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Tone and Takeaway

The episode maintains a light, relatable, and comedic tone as the hosts and callers vent about the daily struggle that is Atlanta traffic. With over-the-top stories and a healthy dose of sarcasm, The Bert Show captures just how far people will (or want to) go to escape the gridlock grind.

If you’ve ever fantasized about just leaving your car on the highway and walking away, you’ll find plenty of kindred spirits in this episode.

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Transcript

[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoey, this thing weighs a ton.

[Crash]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Santa]

Santa.

[Jeff]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[Crash]

I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Crash]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

[Drew Ski]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

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[Crash]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Kimber]

Nice.

[Drew Ski]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[Kimber]

Kimber, the holidays are better.

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[Santa]

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[Crash]

The Bird show.

[Kimber]

The Bird show on all the hits, Q and Edge. We can thank Dylan for this one. He just called up to comment on something we were doing on the show and I made the mistake of saying, hey, how are you doing today? And he said, I'll tell you how I'm doing. And then proceeded to go off for like five minutes. Very angry about the traffic. We just talked to him and tried to give him advice from other callers, but pretty much if you're on the roads north trying to head south, he almost quit.

[Santa]

He was really calling in just to.

[Jeff]

Turn in his resignation because he did.

[Santa]

Not want to be here.

[Jeff]

Yeah, because traffic's extra bad because every major highway has a major accident on it and so all the back roads are now Clogged because everybody's trying to get off those major highways.

[Kimber]

Hey, Denny, you're on the bird show. Yeah.

[Crash]

Back up. About two years ago on 85 Southbound, I had a. I was headed home from work. Had a coworker that rode with me. And after about an hour sitting in traffic, I told him to get out, walk the bot fence line and find a section he could tear down. And it was quite amusing because he was jumping up and down on it like a trampoline. Fell a couple times until he got the fence all the way to the ground. And then I drove off the embankment through the fence.

[Jeff]

And where did you go?

[Crash]

I went home. It was close to a set of power lines and a set of. What it was, was, it was a little side road access for the signs, guys that go out and do the interstate sign. And I shot down one of those sign roads until I found a paved road.

[Jeff]

I am getting off this highway one way or the other.

[Kimber]

You're the hero of many today, Denny. Thanks for the call.

[Crash]

All right, thanks.

[Kimber]

Hey, Matt.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Kimber]

How are you?

[Crash]

I'm good. How about you?

[Matt]

Good.

[Kimber]

What's going on?

[Crash]

Hey. I actually had a job about three years ago up in Alpharetta. It was off exit 12, off 400. But I lived in Norcross at the time. Some days it would take me 30 minutes to get there. Some days it would take me two hours to get there. So I'd always leave like an hour and 45 minutes before the time that I was supposed to get there. And my boss was a jerk. He. He lived really close to the office, so he really didn't know what kind of traffic I was really going through. I think I was there for about two weeks and I just. I was in traffic one day and I could see that I was actually going to take over two hours and I just turned it. I called and I said I wouldn't be coming in, so he did that. You know, actually today I was in the same traffic that everybody else was in. I just rode the emergency line. I didn't have a problem today.

[Jeff]

You're a cheater. You're a traffic cheater.

[Crash]

I'm impatient.

[Jeff]

You're the people that make me mad. I wonder if there's anybody like not only quit, but abandoned your car.

[Santa]

Screw it.

[Jeff]

I'm out of here. And just walk to some.

[Santa]

Just walk.

[Matt]

I actually did. There was a tanker truck that exploded on 401 night and it completely shut down 400 South. And it was so bad that I was stuck on the Holcomb bridge ramp to 400, so I could neither go back nor forward. I managed to squeak my car off to the right emergency lane and walked to the Hooters on Holcomb Bridge and sat there and got hammered.

[Kimber]

Nice.

[Matt]

I left my car there all night. I got a hotel room across the street, too, by the Red Lobster at the Holiday Inn.

[Kimber]

Smart.

[Jeff]

Hooters, Red Lobster, Holiday Inn.

[Kimber]

I think Crash could do a review of every $70 and under motel in Atlanta.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah, Super 8. Somewhere that you could have, you know.

[Kimber]

Hey, Pam, you're on the Virtue.

[Pam]

Hey, how's it going?

[Kimber]

Good. What's going on?

[Pam]

Speaking of Hooters, I actually worked at the one at Underground back when I worked there for several years. But I was there at the Underground one when the Olympics came.

[Crash]

Oh, cool.

[Pam]

And traffic was terrible. Terrible. And there was no parking in the parking garage. And I left after years. I turned. I just. After driving around looking for a parking place for about 45 minutes, I went home.

[Jeff]

That's funny.

[Kimber]

You just quit the job.

[Santa]

I just quit. I'm just not doing this shift and.

[Jeff]

I wasn't doing anything.

[Pam]

I went for a parking place when I had, you know, I wasn't gonna walk blind blocks and blocks when I was working till 1 o' clock in the morning. And so I just had to give up. I went home.

[Santa]

I can't park.

[Kimber]

The tips are not going to be worth this.

[Matt]

Is that really a devastating career move, though, quitting Hooters?

[Pam]

No, I guess it wasn't too devastating. I mean, the money was great, but it wasn't worth all the traffic and the stress and the crowds. Which it didn't, I guess, end up, from what everyone was saying down there, it didn't turn out to be as bad as what they thought it was.

[Jeff]

What I think is funny, she quit her job during a time that was temporary. Like the Olympics were just for two weeks.

[Kimber]

It was so bad she left anyways.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Kimber]

Thanks for the call, Pam.

[Pam]

Have a good day.

[Jeff]

You too.

[Kimber]

You too. Bye.

[Crash]

Bye.

[Kimber]

Hey, Mike. You'll be the last call of the day.

[Crash]

Good morning.

[Kimber]

How are you?

[Crash]

This event's appropriate for today. It's 400 is the only road you can go down Cedar Sunrise and Sunset before you get to work.

[Kimber]

Yeah, today you can.

[Jeff]

Right?

[Kimber]

Hey, thanks for the call, Mike. Good luck getting to work. And good luck to Dylan, who, according to Crash, should be here in 79 minutes.

[Matt]

Yeah, 75 is improving. 400 is not. 400 is still a nightmare. Probably as far back as Windward, all the way into the Dunwoodies It's a little rough.

[Kimber]

I was telling Melissa, I mean, if I'm commuting, this is where you find a Waffle House. You buy newspaper.

[Jeff]

Just, you know what, you have a.

[Kimber]

Long breakfast and enjoy your coffee.

[Jeff]

Exactly. And I was gonna, I told Jeff off air a funny story, how we're so conditioned to be so impatient in the car because you have to deal with that every day. You know, we come into work like at 4, you know, in the morning, right? So I'm at this stoplight near my neighborhood of this intersection, and it's me and one other car. And again, four o' clock in the morning. And so the light on my end is turning yellow. So I'll go ahead and go through it and not wait for the next one. So I'm going through it and it turns red on me as I'm passing underneath it. And the car honked. I mean, it's like it's just me and him. And I am almost done, you know, passing in front of his truck, but he decides to honk at me, you know, and so I thought we are, we're bad off if that's the case.

[Matt]

You know, I was, I was so impatient today. I mean, I'm coming in a little bit later than you, but still. Five in the morning, no one's on the road. I ran like two red lights just because I was just. I didn't feel like waiting.

[Jeff]

How the hell was that?

[Kimber]

I get mad at people who get in the right lane when I have to make a right turn and all the lanes are empty. All the other lanes, like, and they're going straight because you can turn right on red. And I'm thinking, why can't you just get one lane over so I don't have to wait the 30 seconds at this line.

[Drew Ski]

I love it.

[Kimber]

Cause you're making my four minute commute. 4:45.

[Crash]

The bird show.

[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[Crash]

Drewski, live with your legs, man.

[Santa]

Santa.

[Jeff]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[Crash]

I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Crash]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here, He handles the nice list.

[Drew Ski]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And at T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Crash]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part? You can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Kimber]

Nice.

[Drew Ski]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[Kimber]

Kimber the holidays are better.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 34 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 vice connection charge credits and balance due if you pay for earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement 256 gigs $830 eligible for in a new line $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Santa]

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