The Bert Show – "Vault: Who Would Quit Their Job Because of Traffic?"

Date: December 29, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode dives into the overwhelming frustration of Atlanta traffic and explores an intriguing question: Is traffic so bad that it could make someone quit their job? The Bert Show team shares listener stories, personal anecdotes, and playful banter about extreme commutes and moments when the gridlock just became too much.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Catalyst: Listener Dylan’s Traffic Meltdown

• [01:31] The conversation begins with mention of a listener, Dylan, who called into the show in a fit of rage over Atlanta's traffic, nearly handing in his resignation because of the morning gridlock.
  • "He almost quit." — Kimber [01:54]
  • "He was really calling in just to turn in his resignation because he did not want to be here." — Jeff [01:57]
• This sets the stage for a broader discussion about the extremes people go to (or fantasize about) because of traffic stress.

2. Listeners’ Wild Escapes and Commute Horror Stories

• Denny’s Fence Dodging Escape

  • [02:13] Denny recounts how traffic pushed him to drive off-road:
    • After sitting in traffic for an hour, he told his coworker to get out and dismantle a fence. Once flat, Denny drove through it and escaped via service roads.
    • "I am getting off this highway one way or the other." — Jeff [03:02]
    • The hosts admire Denny’s boldness, jokingly calling him a hero for listeners everywhere.

• Matt’s Commute-Quitting Moment

  • [03:13] Matt describes having had a job with a grueling commute:
    • Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes two hours, no predictability.
    • Eventually, sitting in traffic, he realized, “I'm not doing this,” and quit after just two weeks.
    • Matt admits to sometimes using the emergency lane during backups:
      • "You're a cheater. You're a traffic cheater." — Jeff [04:03]
      • "I'm impatient." — Crash [04:06]
  • Matt also shares an extreme scenario when he left his car on the side of the highway after an explosion and walked to a Hooters to wait out the jam and grab a drink.
    • "I left my car there all night. I got a hotel room across the street, too." — Matt [04:37]

• Pam’s Olympic-Sized Frustration

  • [04:54] Pam recalls working at Hooters during the Atlanta Olympics, when parking downtown was impossible.
    • “After driving around looking for a parking place for about 45 minutes, I went home.” — Pam [05:19]
    • She ultimately decided the hassle wasn’t worth it, despite the good pay:
      • “The money was great, but it wasn’t worth all the traffic and the stress and the crowds.” — Pam [05:43]
    • The hosts note she quit during a temporary high-traffic period:
      • “She quit her job during a time that was temporary. Like the Olympics were just for two weeks.” — Jeff [05:56]

• Mike on Today’s Traffic Disaster

  • [06:08] Mike calls in, noting that the major roadways (especially Highway 400) are such a mess, you might as well watch the sunrise and sunset on your commute:
    • “400 is the only road you can go down Cedar Sunrise and Sunset before you get to work.” — Crash [06:13]

3. Hosts’ Own Traffic Admissions and Pet Peeves

• [06:41] Kimber: Advises that with traffic this bad, "find a Waffle House, buy a newspaper... have a long breakfast and enjoy your coffee."
• [06:49] Jeff: Shares a story of running a red light in the early morning out of pure impatience, only to get honked at by the only other car around!
• [07:28] Matt: Admits to running two red lights at 5am just to avoid waiting:
  • “Still. Five in the morning, no one's on the road. I ran like two red lights just because I was just—I didn’t feel like waiting.”
• [07:41] Kimber: Vents about drivers who block her right turns when all other lanes are empty:
  • "I get mad at people who get in the right lane when I have to make a right turn and all the lanes are empty... you're making my four minute commute 4:45."

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "He almost quit." — Kimber [01:54]
• "I am getting off this highway one way or the other." — Jeff to Denny [03:02]
• "You're a cheater. You're a traffic cheater." — Jeff to Matt [04:03]
• "I left my car there all night. I got a hotel room across the street, too." — Matt [04:37]
• "The money was great, but it wasn’t worth all the traffic and the stress and the crowds." — Pam [05:43]
• "I ran like two red lights just because I was just—I didn’t feel like waiting." — Matt [07:28]
• "You're making my four-minute commute four forty-five." — Kimber [07:55]

Segment Timestamps

• [01:31] Introduction to traffic meltdown theme, Dylan’s story
• [02:13] Denny’s fence escape adventure
• [03:13] Matt’s commuting struggles and traffic coping methods
• [04:54] Pam’s Olympic parking woes and quitting story
• [06:08] Mike’s current day traffic misery
• [06:41] Hosts share their own commuter shortcuts and irritations

Tone and Takeaway

The episode maintains a light, relatable, and comedic tone as the hosts and callers vent about the daily struggle that is Atlanta traffic. With over-the-top stories and a healthy dose of sarcasm, The Bert Show captures just how far people will (or want to) go to escape the gridlock grind.

If you’ve ever fantasized about just leaving your car on the highway and walking away, you’ll find plenty of kindred spirits in this episode.