Vault: Whose Lying About Their Relationship Origin Story?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – Whose Lying About Their Relationship Origin Story?

Date: January 13, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Burt, Jen, Shelly, and others)
Theme: Listeners and hosts share the “real” and “fictional” versions of their relationship origin stories, exploring why people sometimes change their “how we met” narratives.

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Episode Overview

The Bert Show dives into the universally relatable—and sometimes embarrassing—phenomenon of couples fibbing about how they met. Listeners call in to reveal the honest, sometimes scandalous, and often hilarious origins of their relationships, and the cover stories they tell friends, family, and even their kids. The hosts unpack these stories with their signature candor, humor, and camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why People Lie About Their Relationship Origin Stories

• Social Pressures: Many want a romantic or socially acceptable story.
• Stigma or Embarrassment: Meeting via chat lines, strip clubs, or mental institutions isn’t “movie-worthy,” so couples rewrite their origin.
• Consistency Required: Keeping the cover story straight becomes a long-term game.

Notable quote
"Everybody wants the romantic story on how they met. But the truth is, sometimes it's just not that romantic, you know?"
— Burt (01:03)

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2. Listener Stories: The Real vs. The Fabricated

a) The Chat Line Reality

• Caller “Carla” describes meeting her husband via a late-night chat line after moving to Georgia.
• The Lie: They say they met at the mall.
• Details: The only people who know the truth are their respective best friends. Even their kids have asked about the origin.

"You've gotta remember. You gotta stick to the story... But, yeah, you can't end up changing it up and say, oh, yeah, we were at a club and met or something. People gonna be like, hey, I'm saying, y' all met at a mall."
— Carla (03:12)

b) The Stripper & the Regular

• Another caller (anonymous, voice disguised) recounts how she was stripping to pay for school and met her boyfriend in the club.
• The Lie: They supposedly met at the bookstore (Borders/Barnes & Noble—their stories don’t perfectly match).
• Honest Reflection: She admits her trust in him is “99.9%,” and they still frequent strip clubs together, though she’s no longer dancing.

"The only glitch is he says that we met at Borders, and I said that we met at Barnes and Noble."
— Caller (05:49)

c) Mental Institution Meeting

• Dropped Call: A couple reportedly met in a mental institution but tell people they met at Piedmont Park.
• Hosts laugh and riff:

"Oh, yeah. You gotta lie about that." — Announcer (06:04)

"There are parts of Piedmont park to make you... think it's immensely [mental], I think I had to finish that." — Shelly (06:08)

d) Love at First Glance (and Creative Truths)

• Caller “Shelly” shares she met her husband when she saw him at a pool hall and knew instantly she’d marry him.
• The Lie: They “just met at a club”—leaving the details vague enough to be technically true.

"That's when you have the conversation. Okay, we're not really lying if we say a club."
— Announcer (06:54)

e) The Jaeger Shot Opener

• Jen (host) tells how her partner’s awkward first line (“You want a shot of Jaeger?”) is omitted from the official story to parents and friends.
• Discussed as proof that good looks can turn any opening line into a “romantic” story.

"If you're good looking, you can get away with saying anything. And all of a sudden it becomes a great line."
— Burt (07:33)

f) Swingers Club Serendipity

• Anonymous caller “Sandy” recounts meeting now-partner at a swing club (while both were partnered elsewhere), then reuniting a year later on Match.com, not realizing their prior connection at first.
• The Lie: They say they met “at a party of a mutual friend.”

"There's a thin line there... We're not really lying. That line always comes up when you're plotting what you're gonna say. Well, but we're not really lying."
— Announcer (09:26)

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3. How to Detect a ‘Fake’ Origin Story

• Eye Contact: Couples exchanging looks as they recount “the story.”
• Vague Details: Giving generalized, unembellished accounts (“Oh, we just met at a party/club.”)
• Deflection: Insisting the “real” story is boring or irrelevant.

"Or if you hear the line, 'Oh, the details are too boring. You don't want to hear them,' that means that they can't remember it. Like you met on a chat line in the middle of the damn night."
— Burt (03:58)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Carla on keeping the mall story straight
  “You gotta stick to the story… But, yeah, you can't end up changing it up.” — Carla (03:12)

• Caller on the difficulty of keeping a fake bookstore story straight:
  “He says that we met at Borders, and I said that we met at Barnes and Noble.” — Caller (05:49)

• Hosts’ banter on partial truths:
  “We're not really lying if we say a club.” — Announcer (06:54)

• Jen’s mortifying first line from her partner:
  “You want a shot of Jaeger? … And I knew I was smitten from there on out.” — Jen (07:14)

• On swinging and “mutual friends' parties”:
  “Sure, it was just a party where everybody has sex with everybody else, but it was a party. Leave that out.” — Burt (09:35)

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Notable Segments (Timestamps)

• [01:03] – Introduction to the theme: Why people want a better “origin” story.
• [01:20] – Carla shares her chat line story.
• [03:41] – Burt and Shelly discuss how to spot a fake story.
• [04:13] – Anonymous caller (“stripper story”) and the issue with mismatched lies.
• [05:53] – Mental institution origin story (dropped call, hosts riff on it).
• [06:25] – Shelly’s “love at first sight” at a pool hall.
• [07:14] – Jen’s embarrassing real first words with her partner.
• [07:48] – Anonymous “Sandy” shares a swinger club story.
• [09:26] – Honest debate on when a “lie” becomes a version of the truth.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a fast-paced blend of hilarious, honest, and sometimes uncomfortable realities about “how we met” stories. Whether born from embarrassment, social stigma, or just a desire to impress, almost everyone seems to have a “cover” version of their love life’s beginning. The Bert Show crew and their listeners show that the truth is often messier—but a lot more entertaining—than fiction.

Transcript

[Burt]

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[Caller 1]

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[Advertiser/Announcer]

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[Caller 1]

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[Jen]

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[Advertiser/Announcer]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Burt]

Everybody wants the romantic story on how they met. Everybody wants to be able to tell that tale, right? You know, when you've been with each other for 20 years, the most romantic story ever is the way we met. But the truth is, sometimes it's just not that romantic, you know? We are gonna call this Birch show listener, Carla. Good morning, Carla.

[Caller 1]

Good morning, guys.

[Burt]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 1]

Good. Well, ours actually is not romantic at all. I was new to Georgia, and one of my girlfriend said, hey, you should try one of those, you know, chat lines, you know, at night, Friday night, Saturday night, they say, 1, 800, do you want to meet somebody? This and that, you know? So me and my girlfriend were like, yeah, we'll call. We'll leave a personal message and have people, you know, reply. So my current husband had actually replied one day, and we talked for a while, and then we met and started dating and everything. And then he got around to inviting me with his family and his friends. So I'm like, well, what are we gonna tell him? Cause the only people who knew the truth was my best friend and his best friend. So he's like, oh, I already have that taken care of. I told him that we met at the mall, and then I saw you, and I came over and we started talking, and now we've been married for five years. We've got two kids and our parents, his parents, my parents, families, friends, other than our best friends think we met at the mall.

[Jen]

Good for you.

[Burt]

That's great. Good for you. Now, what kind of chat line is a lot like those chat rooms, like.

[Caller 1]

The Lava life, you know, the ones at night, like on TV1, 800, such and such, you know, they show this woman getting home from work. She wants to see What? You know, they say, see what John is doing? He's a such and such. You know, I know you've seen him. Burt don't play.

[Burt]

Yeah, I have seen him. I've never called, but I have definitely seen him.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Shelly]

Now what? Like, when you, like you say, you just say you met at the mall. Like, what is. Does anybody skrill you? Even more, like, oh, what were you. Like, what a coincidence. Like, does it ever get uncomfortable that people want too many details?

[Caller 1]

No, it's just that you just. You've gotta remember. You gotta stick to the story. You know what I mean? You gotta remember, oh, yeah, okay, we met at this mall and, you know, maybe what I was doing or something. But, yeah, you can't end up changing it up and say, oh, yeah, we were at a club and met or something. People gonna be like, hey, I'm saying, y' all met at a mall.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

See, now I'm trying to.

[Caller 1]

Even my kids, oh, my God, they have asked before, my son. And, you know, we kind of look at each other and, yeah, Mommy and Daddy met at the mall.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

So I'm trying to think. Now, the telltale signs. When I meet a couple and ask them how they met, I want to see the signs of whether they're lying to me or not. Is that when they look at each other a lot, trying to, you know, get their stories straight?

[Shelly]

Probably.

[Caller 1]

I say we do a lot of eye contact and probably even a smirk towards each other.

[Burt]

Or if you hear the line, oh, the details are too boring. You don't want to hear them, that.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

Means that they can't remember it.

[Burt]

Like you met on a chat line in the middle of the damn night.

[Jen]

Good morning.

[Burt]

You're on all the hits. Q100. Hello.

[Caller 1]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser, also.

[Caller 1]

Okay, my situation is just a little. A little funky. I was a stripper, and no one, none of my friends, my parents didn't know anything about it. I was doing it on the weekends, paying for school. And I met a guy while I was working. And we've been dating for about a year now. And I've told all my friends and my parents that we met at the bookstore.

[Burt]

The bookstore. Now I am really curious. So you're stripping this guy?

[Caller 1]

He's tipping very well. He's coming in, he's buying drinks. I'm not an alcoholic. He's tipping. He hung around when the club was over, and I'm packing up and I'm paying the house mom and my bar fee and things of that Nature. And he hung around. He hung around. We exchanged phone numbers. And he gave me the simple line of, I respect you for what you're doing. You're paying yourself this cool and this, that and the other. And I fell for it. And we've been dating for a year.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

Now, so it works because you've just encouraged all guys at strip clubs. And I know she's in love with me if I just hang around.

[Caller 1]

Necessarily. I think. I think he was a genuinely sincere person. I think he was a genuinely sincere person. We still go to strip clubs. I don't dance anymore, but we still go to strip clubs. And I, you know, I've got, you know, my trust in him. It's not 100%, it's 99.9%, but never put anything past a man. So, you know, if he picks me up, I'm sure he'll pick other women up. But I'm good. I mean, one good year. The only glitch is he says that we met at Borders, and I said that we met at Barnes and Noble.

[Burt]

Gotta get on the same page.

[Caller 1]

People catch on to that. But it's all good.

[Burt]

Thank you for calling. We had one call that dropped out. They met at a mental institution. Oh, no. And they tell people that they met at Piedmont Park.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

Oh, yeah. You gotta lie about that.

[Jen]

Could be close. I mean, same difference, right?

[Shelly]

There are parts of Piedmont park to make you, you know, think it's immensely. I think I had to finish that. I tell you where I was going.

[Burt]

Hey, Shelly.

[Jen]

Hello.

[Burt]

What's up?

[Shelly]

Is there still voices?

[Burt]

You don't need to be on the Voice.

[Caller 2]

My husband came in to play pool, and I looked at his butt and his Levi's, and I said, I'm gonna marry that man. So I took him home, I used him, I abused him. I sent him home with my phone number, but then I got my number changed, like, two days later. So then he came back into the club, and maybe about five months later, I was up on stage. And we've been together ever since.

[Burt]

Is that right? And what's the story you tell everybody?

[Caller 2]

We just met in a club.

[Burt]

Just in a club? Yeah, A dance club.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

That's when you have the conversation. Okay, we're not really lying if we say a club.

[Shelly]

Right. I think it's very broad.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

Right.

[Burt]

And I was dancing.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Shelly]

Like, there's a book in it. That's why we say bookstore. There's a phone book right in the room.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

So we're not lying.

[Shelly]

And you could buy it. I mean, you could buy Anything there? So we're in a bookstore now.

[Burt]

Jen, you said you and Ryan have one of these?

[Jen]

Yeah. One of the first things he ever said to me, aside from hi, what's your name, is really embarrassing. So oftentimes, like with parents and, you know, friends that you're really trying to impress, you like leave out this line. But he goes, you want a shot of Jaeger? That was like one of the first things he ever said to me. And I knew I was smitten from there on out.

[Burt]

And this is like a great case right here of if you're good looking, you can get away with saying anything. And all of a sudden it becomes a great line.

[Jen]

Yeah, yeah. It's of an embarrassing line, but it gotcha.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

It worked.

[Burt]

We'll need the voice disguiser for this one. Good morning. We'll call you. Sandy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Jen]

Hello.

[Caller 1]

Hello. How are you?

[Burt]

Good, thank you.

[Caller 1]

Hopefully I am on the voice disguiser.

[Jen]

You are?

[Caller 1]

Well, this is a pretty crazy story. I was married at the time and my husband and I were pretty wild. We were at a swing club and we ran into a girl that we had known for a while and she was with her new boyfriend and just really great guy. For some reason I was just drawn to him and wanting to talk to him. And I even said to her, wow, this is your new boyfriend? I really like him a lot more than your last boyfriend. He's a great guy. And I just, you know, hung out with them a lot. We hung out with them just talking. But this person always stood out in my mind. I mean, I thought about him a lot. My husband and I ended up having some problems and we ended up getting going through a separation and were now divorced. But when I was ready to start dating again, I went on match.com and one of the first people, the first person I met was him. However, I didn't realize it because it had been a while. It had been like a year since I had seen him. And after our first conversation, he called me and said, I think we know each other. And it turns out it was him.

[Burt]

So you met at the swingers club. And what do you tell people?

[Caller 1]

What do we tell people? We just tell people that we met at a mutual. At a party of a mutual friend.

[Burt]

So there's a thin line there.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

We're not really lying. That line always comes up when you're plotting what you're gonna say. Well, but we're not really lying.

[Shelly]

Party with friends.

[Burt]

Yeah, it's not an out and out lie. We didn't meet at a party. It was just a version of the truth. Sure, it was just a party where everybody has sex with everybody else, but it was a party. Leave that out. Yeah, I'll leave that out.

[Commercial Announcer]

The Bird Show In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to end the great deals at Verizon. The joy just keeps on coming. Right now, you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four new phones and four lines on unlimited. Welcome. Additional terms apply seeverizon.com for details.