Vault: Why Do People Assume This About Him?

Summary

The Bert Show — Vault: Why Do People Assume This About Him?

Episode Air Date: April 7, 2026
Main Cast Featured: Jeff, Sean, Rich (intern), Melissa, and multiple callers

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Episode Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show team tackles a listener's heartfelt dilemma: he's a straight 20-year-old man who finds that people frequently assume he's gay. The email sparks a lively, thoughtful, and sometimes humorous discussion on gender stereotypes, the impact on dating/life, and how diverse expressions of masculinity and femininity intersect with public perceptions. The group and callers share personal stories, practical advice, and reflections on how assumptions shape social and romantic experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Email: The Issue at Hand

• [04:12-07:19]
  • Rich, an intern, reads an email from a young man. He explains that despite being straight, people (friends and strangers) often assume he's gay due to his interests (Britney Spears, drama club, pop culture) and behaviors (never dated, “friend-zoned” by women).
  • He seeks genuine advice: "How do I get people to stop assuming I'm gay? How do I act more masculine?"

"I had to sit back and analyze my iTunes, and I came to the assumption I have the iPod of a gay man. What music do masculine guys listen to? I never thought the music I listen to could make people think this."
— Rich, reading the listener email [06:35]

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2. Hosts React: Stereotypes and Masculinity

• [07:19-08:28]
  • The cast dissects how stereotypes about masculinity and femininity play into these assumptions.
  • There’s acknowledgment that masculine and feminine interests aren’t inherently tied to sexual orientation.
  • Hosts point out that defensiveness can sometimes be interpreted as confirmation of people's assumptions.

"If you become defensive about it, then you're trying to hide something. And it sounds like from this email, he's not trying to hide anything. He's putting it all out there."
— Jeff [13:30]

• [07:44-08:03]
  • Jeff emphasizes let-it-go advice if it's only friends teasing, but acknowledges this goes deeper since it’s affecting dating and self-esteem.

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3. Friend Zone, Attraction, and Dating Advice

• [08:03-11:00]
  • Discussion turns to why women might automatically put such guys in the friend zone. There's debate on whether it's about feminine interests or simple lack of attraction.
  • Melissa, a caller, shares her own story about dating someone who seemed gay at first but became one of her best relationships.

"He actually sounds like one of the perfect guys. I actually dated a guy that wound up being one of the most healthy relationships I've ever had that, upon first meeting, I thought he was gay too. I tell it's not a bad thing."
— Melissa (caller) [10:18]

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4. Personal Histories & the "Metrosexual" Label

• [11:26-12:38]
  • Callers and hosts raise the "metrosexual" label (a straight man who’s stylish or interested in non-traditionally masculine things).
  • A caller, Travis, notes that family upbringing (raised by women) can explain some behaviors, and society can confuse sensitivity/creativity with sexuality.

"I think people are getting him confused...he's a guy, man, he's straight, but he does like these other more current issues. Basically what we're gonna have to do is find something that crosses over into something that's more masculine..."
— Travis (caller) [11:31]

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5. Stereotypes... on Both Sides

• [14:18-15:04]
  • Sean and others point out that it's vital not to stereotype gay men OR straight men — straight guys can and do like pop music, drama, and other traditionally “feminine” interests.
  • There’s appreciation for greater diversity in how men express themselves.

"Not all straight men are into sports. Not all straight men are, you know, building things and, you know, talking about all these, you know, sports and brrr. Sometimes they do like—yeah, exactly."
— Sean [14:18]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Comic Relief about Stereotypes

  "I mean, like doing those carvings out of tree trunks with chainsaws. He could do that when he puts Britney Spears on Design Pod."
  — Jeff [12:20]

• Sincere Validation from Callers

  "He said that he didn't like defending himself if he knows, and there's nothing to defend himself."
  — Michelle (caller) [13:30]

• "Hey, I'm Not Gay" Dating Game

  "So we're doing the hey, I'm not gay dating game."
  — Jeff [14:14]

---

Proposed Solutions & Show Participation

Dating Game Idea

• [13:30-16:20]
  • Suggestion to set up the listener on a series of dates with women who are aware of his situation, to see if knowledge of his orientation changes their perceptions and “friend zone” impulses.
  • Hope is to give him both confidence and real romantic opportunities.

"Maybe set him up on three different dates and then follow up with those girls to see how it went. Do they think that he's gay? Do they put him in the friend zone immediately? Or maybe he can find a love connection..."
— Jeff [13:31]

• Highlighting the Opportunity for Growth
  • Emphasize learning to own one’s interests, finding compatible people, and not letting others’ assumptions define identity or dictate behavior.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Listener Email Read & Discussion: [04:12–07:19]
• Hosts’ First Reactions: [07:19–08:28]
• Dating/Friend Zone Analysis: [08:03–11:00]
• Caller Stories & Metrosexual Label: [11:26–13:30]
• Stereotypes Discussion: [14:18–15:04]
• Dating Game Proposal: [13:30–16:20]

---

Episode Takeaways

• The episode underscores the harm of stereotypes and the variety of ways men (and people) can authentically express themselves.
• The listener is encouraged to maintain his confidence, embrace diverse interests, and seek out people who appreciate him.
• Humor, empathy, and audience engagement shine as the team brainstorms ways to help the listener overcome social hurdles without changing who he is.

---

If you’re someone who’s been typecast or misunderstood (for your interests, background, or how you present), this episode will be both reassuring and entertaining. The Bert Show brings its signature realness and warmth, reminding listeners to stay true to themselves while carving their own path in love and life.

Transcript

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[Jeff]

Now, I want to make it clear here and I'm sure intern Rich actually, you know, let's bring Rich on now. So Sean will need his at bat music or Ike music rather, which I'm sure Sean is frantically looking for right

[Sean]

now, why don't you trim it this out of town.

[Jeff]

Give me warning before you do that. Rich is one of our interns in the Ike music.

[Sean]

There we go. Some angriness

[Jeff]

is what we play, much like a baseball game every time somebody joins the show on our intern crew. So. Hey, Rich, how are you?

[Rich]

Hey, Jeff. What's going on, man? How you guys doing?

[Sean]

Good morning.

[Rich]

I'm jealous.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it's fun. It's going to be 75 and sunny today and we're gonna soak up every minute of it. Nice.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Hey, Rich, you used to live out here in la, right?

[Unidentified Male Caller]

I did.

[Rich]

That's why I wish I was out there with you.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Weren't you on a TV show when

[Melissa]

you were out here?

[Rich]

What's that? Actually, no, the TV shows. I was. I was actually. I was in Wilmington, North Carolina. I was a Dawson's Creek boy.

[Sean]

Nice. People gonna ask people who are big fans of the Creek. What. What role did you play?

[Rich]

What's that? Oh, you know, I was just a lonely guy in the background and some random. I was like. Probably like one of those stars that you saw and had no idea who she was. That was. That's me. I'm like, you know, the waiter. The guy in the background. The guy with. No, your man.

[Jeff]

Man with blue hat.

[Rich]

Man with blue hat. Man shooting pool.

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah, there you go. It's more. That's more TV shows than I've been in.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

So, Rich, we're going to have you hone up your acting skills and read this email. We got an email to Tracy. Got an email, rather from a listener seeking some advice from us. And it was just so fascinating. We were going to have him on and then he decided not to join us. But the email was so fascinating that we still want to talk about it and try to get him some advice if he happens to be listening. So, Rich, if you would please share the email with us that Tracy has given you. That came from one virtual listener and obviously because he's not on with us, we'll keep him anonymous. So take out any names or anything like that. But, Rich, the floor is yours and the phone lines are open. 404-741-Q100 for advice. Go ahead, Rich.

[Rich]

Okay, so the topic here we have here is I have a problem. I need a guy's advice. What's the topic? Headline.

[Jeff]

Well, as we learned earlier in the show, there are no guys left on the bird show, but we will. We will try.

[Rich]

So we'll do our best here. First off, I'm a huge fan of the show. I have been for about six years now. My problem is this. I'm a 20 year old straight guy and when I meet people, they assume I'm gay. It's never really been a problem. Until now. I don't know how many times I've been talking to someone who I just met and they say, oh, I thought you were gay. In high school, I was in drama club and it was a good mix of cliques. It was a good mix of cliques in school. Jocks, smart kids, weird kids. You get the picture. People in the hallway would say stuff and I would just ignore it. I never let it get to me because I'm one of those people who think, if I know myself, why should I care what others think? At the beginning of March, I took my best friend to a Britney Spears concert at Phillips arena for her 21st birthday as a present.

[Jeff]

Okay, hold on, Rich. I just want to make sure that I'm accurate here. We've got drama club.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Jeff]

And Britney Spears show, right?

[Rich]

That is correct so far.

[Jeff]

Okay, go ahead.

[Sean]

But it was a present for his friend.

[Jeff]

I know. I'm just writing down. I'm making a list, evidentiary list, if I will. Okay, go ahead.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

All right.

[Rich]

I was talking to this girl sitting in front of me and we started talking about Perez Hilton. Did you write that one down?

[Jeff]

Got it.

[Rich]

For some reason she said something along the lines of, as a gay man, I'm sure you understand. I said, oh, well. I said, well, I'm not. So. So I guess I don't understand. She turned around with a red face and we didn't speak for the rest of the concert. That didn't really bother me. Last week, however, I was at a friend's party and one of my good friends who I have known for a few years, and I were talking, she said something funny and I said it reminded me of an episode of Will and Grace. She looked at me weird and asked, are you sure you're not gay? That struck a chord with me. I've grown up in a house with my sisters and mother, and so I assume I am probably in touch with my feminine side a little more than the average guy. In high school, I was always the fat, funny guy. I've never been on a date, had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl. I've never had the time for it. And I realize that doesn't help my case with people, but I'm sick and tired of defending myself for something as petty as this. Every girl I've been Interested in has always put me in the friend zone. I'm a guy interested in the celebrity and news and music. And I have realized this is a huge contributor to these assumptions. I had to sit back and analyze my itunes, and I came to the assumption I have the ipod of a gay man. What music do masculine guys listen to? I never thought the music I listen to could make people think this. How do I act more straight? I don't even know how to phrase the question. How do I act more masculine? I guess the real question I'm asking is how do I get people to stop assuming I'm gay? I've always been the type of person who thinks they need. If you need to overly defend yourself, it's probably true what people are assuming of you. I don't know how to approach a situation without getting caught in a mental catch 22. Do you have any advice? I would appreciate any you have.

[Jeff]

That's always a tough situation, too. We've all met people like guys. I think it's more prevalent with guys where you would meet a guy who's very feminine and you assume he's gay, but then you meet his wife and

[Sean]

you're like, well, no, it can translate to women, too. There's some women that you've seen that, you know, you're thinking, oh, well, I wonder where a girlfriend is?

[Jeff]

And then her husband, she's a friend of Melissa.

[Sean]

Then her husband walks up and you're like, huh, look at there. Really fooled me.

[Jeff]

See, now here's what I would say. Like, if this is just a situation where he was getting, you know, his friends were giving him grief or say, oh, my God, you know, you've got Britney Spears on your ipod or whatever. Then you just say, whatever. Grow up. You know what I mean?

[Sean]

Shut up. It's a good song.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And you just let it go. But this is affecting his dating life.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

It's affecting his whole life. I mean, it sounds like his friends assume so, strangers assume so. And he's starting to almost question himself. But, I mean, I think he just has to ask himself, has he ever been attracted to a man, physically attracted to a man?

[Jeff]

Well, I think he would have said that. He has no problem saying that. He went to a Britney Spears show where he talked about Perez Hilton and Will and Grace.

[Sean]

Right.

[Jeff]

You know, at the show. So I think if he said, and there's a couple guys that I think are hot, then I think, well, it's one thing.

[Sean]

Right?

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Yeah. Then we'll, yeah. Hand over the case to Melissa.

[Sean]

Well, I Just, I mean, because when we read the email, I thought we'll do. I mean, he has a lot of. If we're in a courtroom, a lot of evidence.

[Jeff]

If we are trying here.

[Sean]

There's a lot of circumstances evidence, my friend. But I mean, because I'm trying to determine whether if a guy just, you know, because there are some guys that aren't like testosterone, like over testosterone. There are some guys that just don't have as much testosterone. And so they are seriously interested in things that stereotypically women are interested in. So I'm trying to decipher whether he's just one of those guys that. You know what? I don't have a lot of testosterone. I do like celebrity gossip. I do like Prez Hill. I do like all these things and the people that I relate to on that is a bunch of. Bunch of women. But I don't know, it's just a fine line because, I mean, there's so much that is stereotypical that he's surrounded himself with. He's never kissed a girl, never been on a date with a girl. And it's because he doesn't have time. You have time. Well, and he's buddies with all these girl. Well, again, maybe that's the testosterone thing where he doesn't. And I'm saying testosterone just to kind of whatever it is that he's not aggressive enough to try to kiss one of these friends he's got.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

He says though, that the girls always put him in the friend zone. Like he doesn't get girls that are romantically attracted to him. He just becomes their friend.

[Sean]

But he could practice kissing. Don't guys practice kissing when they're younger?

[Jeff]

Yeah, but what do you mean?

[Sean]

Like, I mean, he's never kidding. Never kissed a girl.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I don't know.

[Melissa]

I mean.

[Sean]

Yeah, and we would have to take calls from gay guys too, because, I mean, I'm, you know, trying to represent.

[Jeff]

Oh, that's really gonna throw him. Is we get a bunch of gay guys helping him be more straight.

[Sean]

Well, I'm just saying that if a gay guy says, you know, look, honey, you know, his gay men are pretty active and so is the fact that he hadn't kissed a girl doesn't. Does not make him gay. Hey, you know what I'm saying?

[Jeff]

Hey, Melissa, welcome. Welcome to the bird show. Melissa, how are you?

[Melissa]

I'm good. How are you?

[Jeff]

Good. What's your comment?

[Melissa]

He actually sounds like one of the perfect guys. I actually dated a guy that wound up being one of the most healthy relationships I'VE ever had that. Upon first meeting, I thought he was gay too. But I tell it's not a bad thing.

[Jeff]

I totally hear what you're saying, but you have to admit. And Wendy and Jen and listener. Melissa, I'll answer this honestly. If you meet a guy like that, don't you automatically put him in the friend zone the minute you.

[Sean]

Yeah, I think you always have that question.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

I mean, I think to me, a guy goes in the friend zone if you're not physically attracted to him, regardless of whether he's more masculine, more feminine, whatever.

[Melissa]

I disagree because the guy that I dated, you know, he was very charismatic. He was just very outgoing. And I first thought he was gay. Once he told me he wasn't. At that point, it changed the whole scenario. We hung out for about six months before we even started dating. And it turned out to be a better thing. We were friends first.

[Sean]

In relationships, I guess it depends on

[Sponsor Voice 1]

what you're attracted to.

[Sean]

If you're attracted to a guy like that, I mean, then that's what you're attracted to.

[Jeff]

Hey, Travis, welcome to the bird show. How are you?

[Sean]

These two aren't attracted to guys like that.

[Jeff]

How are you, Travis?

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Fantastic, sir. I went to a church where the youth minister was predominantly raised by his mother and his four older sisters. And he was of the same way. I guess he was more into the more feminine things because he had more of a feminine influence. I think people are getting him confused with more or less along the lines of metrosexual. You know, that he's a guy, man, he's straight, but he does like these other more current issues. And I mean, basically we're gonna have to do is find something that crosses over into something that's more masculine. Like, I like, for instance, if he's crafty and he has ability to do certain things, maybe he had a crossover to something that's a little bit more, I guess, you know, man cage, you know, woodworking, furniture making, stuff like that.

[Jeff]

I mean, like doing those carvings out of. Doing those carvings out of tree trunks with chainsaws. He could do that when he puts Britney Spears on Design Pod.

[Sean]

Well, he could do the set design for, you know, some theatrical production.

[Jeff]

Hey, Michelle, welcome to the Virtual.

[Sean]

I was being sarcastic.

[Jeff]

Good. How are you, Michelle?

[Melissa]

I'm pretty good. I wanted to say that my boyfriend of two years now was the quiet guy in high school, and everybody assumed that he was gay. But once you got to know it, he was totally into sports. Knew more sports than most of my masculine guy friends. And the ipod has, you know, the emo music, you know, that you would assume, but we've been dating for two years now, so, you know, people just had those assumptions of him because he was the quiet one. He dresses really nice. You know, he's not, I don't know, the athletic type, but at the same time, you know, he got confused all the time. And, you know, like I said, we've been dating for two years. And he said, you know, the guy said that he didn't like defending himself if he knows and

[Jeff]

there's nothing to defend himself.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Yeah, it does feel like if you become defensive about it, then you're trying to hide something. And it sounds like from this email, he's not trying to hide anything. He's putting it all out there. But I think that we should set this guy up because it sounds like he needs help with dating. Right, Right. And he can't get past the friend zone. So we need to find women like our caller right here, whose boyfriend, you know, everybody assumed was right, and maybe have her help us select the women that would be good to set him up with. Maybe set him up on three different dates and then follow up with those girls to see how it went. You know, do they think that he's gay? Do they put him in the friend zone immediately? Or maybe he can find a love connection with someone who's going into it knowing, you know, this is a guy who's straight who, you know, maybe isn't your typical macho dude.

[Jeff]

So we're doing the hey, I'm not gay dating game.

[Sean]

I think so.

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That's a good name.

[Sean]

I think it would work. I think one important thing, it seems that, you know, because I'm always trying to defend, like, gay men and lesbians, like, don't stereotype. Don't assume this. You know, there's a diverse group of people within each community that you have your guys that are very slick and clear, clean cut. Then you have your gruff guys like it. Not every gay guy is like, this guy's describing himself as. You know what I mean? So it's good now that we're going over to the straight man world saying straight men are diverse. Not all straight men are into sports. Not all straight men are, you know, building things and, you know, talking about all these, you know, sports and brrr. And sometimes they do like. Yeah, exactly. So it's good that it's showing that. And there's obviously women who prefer the guys that aren't so, you know, gruff well.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

And trust me, if we could Date gay men. We would.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Hey Mike. You'll be the very last call we take on the topic. Hey Mike, how are you?

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Hey guys. Love the show.

[Jeff]

Thank you very much.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Joe used it to his advantage.

[Jeff]

I was thinking this.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Imagine the bragging rights to be straight girls is to be the one to convert the gay guy straight. I don't know what it is. Something about your eyes, maybe your personality. I just really want to kiss you or something.

[Sean]

You're a different woman.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Oh, that's true. He can only use it to be a player though. He couldn't use it to get in a real relationship.

[Sean]

I do not endorse that. By the way.

[Jeff]

When he's like the part about the Britney Spears show and like the girls are all talking to him and stuff, like his perfect response is no, I thought you were gay. He's like, I'm not gay. I'm just like Britney Spears. What girl's not going to be a little bit intrigued by that and be like, really? Yeah, because I like Britney Spears.

[Sean]

Wait a second. So this listener may be the ultimate player and we just haven't recognized it yet.

[Jeff]

Neither is he.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

I say we get producer Tracy on it and we see if we can set him up on a few blind dates and get him over the. He needs like he needs a. A straight guy slump buster. Like, you know what I mean? Like he needs to get through this bad.

[Sean]

Well, he needs to kiss a girl. He needs to make a yet Tracy

[Jeff]

will call him today and see if she can get him to agree to be a part of it and we could actually do it this week and he could date over the three day weekend.

[Unidentified Male Host 1]

Yeah, we should definitely do that. And then we'll have the women come back and report for us. He doesn't ever have to come on the air.

[Jeff]

Get it?

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