The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Women Explain Why They Don't Want To Get Married

Date: January 27, 2026
Host: Bert & Bert Show Cast (Melissa, Tracy, Wendy, Bert, and callers)
Podcast: Pionaire Podcasting

Episode Overview

This episode explores the often-overlooked perspective of women who choose not to get married. Challenging traditional stereotypes, the conversation dives into reasons why some women of various ages say "no" to marriage—even when in loving relationships. The hosts and callers discuss social expectations, generational attitudes, the impact of divorce, commitment, and personal beliefs about love and partnership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Challenging the Stereotype: Not All Women Want to Get Married

• Melissa introduces a Newsweek editorial by Bonnie Eslinger, a 42-year-old woman choosing love without marriage.

• Bonnie’s Story: Despite her boyfriend proposing, Bonnie concludes she doesn't need marriage "to prove that we love each other."

  • "I don't think that I need a piece of paper, in her words, to prove that we love each other." (Melissa, 00:56)
  • Her decision is influenced partly by friends, particularly gay friends, who cannot legally marry.

• Host Reaction:

  • "Which seems so against the cliche, you know, because the stereotype is every woman is ready to get married, and all guys are the ones that don't really need marriage, don't need the piece of paper." (Host, 01:28)

2. Generational Differences & Divorce’s Influence

• Younger women (20s) and older women (40s) may avoid marriage for different reasons.
  • Tracy: "Maybe if it's because she's 42, she's old enough and wise enough to realize that she's a completely different person now than she was when she was 32 and then from 32 to 22." (Tracy, 02:28)
• The prevalence of divorce shapes skepticism:
  • "I think my generation was skeptical of marriage because all of our parents are divorced and...the relationships in our life that are supposed to be the role model relationships don't work out." (Tracy, 03:13)

3. Is Marriage Necessary for Commitment?

• Multiple young callers (early 20s) express the view that love and commitment don’t require marriage.
  • "Marriage is a piece of paper...What's the big difference? Because pretty much, you already love that person. You're already committed to that person. What's it really matter?" (Caller, 03:38)
• Host provides counterpoint: Legal commitment can solidify long-term endurance in rough patches:
  • "When you do get married, it's a long haul...I'm not sure if I wasn't married...I would have weathered it." (Host, 03:49)

4. Personal Experiences & Relationships

• Wendy: Believes marriage not only isn’t necessary, but may even negatively affect people:
  • "I think marriage, like, ages you, too. Like, when you're married, you look a lot older...it seems to wear people down." (Wendy, 04:33)
  • Light-hearted banter follows about "marriage aging in dog years." (Bert, Host, 04:51-04:54)
• Julie (Caller): Parents together for 33 years, never married:
  • "I've seen them having, you know, huge fights...every time they work through their fights and stay together, it's because I guess they really love each other." (Caller, 05:18)
• Host recounts story: A woman breaks up with her dream boyfriend after he says he never wants marriage, illustrating its importance to some.

5. Finding the Right Match and Mutual Understanding

• Key to relationship success is aligning values:
  • "If you truly believe that is what I want as a marriage, or you truly believe you don't, if you find somebody that feels the very same way you do...it'll work." (Melissa, 06:23)

6. The Role of Religion and Public Display

• Julie (Caller, 25): Dislikes the idea of making love a public affair and sees marriage as rooted in Christianity.
  • "I don't really think that I should have to go to a church and, like, stand up in front of everybody...It shouldn't be about anyone else but you and that other person." (Julie, 07:14)
• Melissa: Notes you can legalize a union without a church wedding.
• Some pushback from hosts and Bert: Marriages exist in many religions and cultures.
  • "I mean, I think you get married in every religion, right?" (Host, 07:59)

7. The Complexity of Commitment and Promises

• Caller in a relationship with a married man struggles with his inability to make future promises.
  • Melissa: "First of all, he's already shown you he can't make a commitment because he couldn't to his wife." (Melissa, 09:58)
  • Bert: "There's no difference between a commitment and a promise if they're coming from a person who lies." (Bert, 11:00)

8. Reflections on Lifelong Love and Marriage Realities

• Host shares a "dark" but memorable quote from a long-married couple:
  • "What's the secret to keeping your relationship together for 50 years? ...We never fell out of love with each other at the same time." (Host, 12:02)
• The segment ends on the idea that for marriage (or not) to work, both partners must truly want the same thing.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Melissa: “I don't think that I need a piece of paper, in her words, to prove that we love each other.” (00:56)
• Host: “Which seems so against the cliche…every woman is ready to get married…” (01:28)
• Caller (21): "Marriage is piece of paper...What's the big difference? Because pretty much, like, you already love that person. You're already committed to that person. What's it really matter?" (03:38)
• Wendy: "I think marriage, like, ages you, too. Like, when you're married, you look a lot older..." (04:33)
• Bert: "Well, marriage ages you." (04:51)
• Caller (Julie): "I've seen them having...huge fights...every time they work through their fights and stay together, it's because I guess they really love each other." (05:18)
• Melissa: “If you truly believe that that is what I want as a marriage, or you truly believe you don’t...if you find somebody that feels the very same way you do, then...it’ll work...” (06:23)
• Julie (Caller): "I don't really think that I should have to go to a church and, like, stand up in front of everybody I know to say that I'm in love with somebody...It shouldn't be about anyone else but you and that other person." (07:14)
• Bert: “There’s no difference between a commitment and a promise if they’re coming from a person who lies.” (11:00)
• Host (quoting): "We never fell out of love with each other at the same time." (12:02)

Key Timestamps

• 00:00–01:28 – Introduction of Bonnie Eslinger's editorial and starting the conversation
• 01:28–03:36 – Challenging stereotypes and examining age/generational perspectives
• 03:36–05:47 – Callers share views: commitment, divorce, and marriage as a "piece of paper"
• 05:47–07:04 – Importance of value alignment, finding the right match
• 07:04–08:38 – The role of public display, religion, and "Christianity" in marriage
• 08:53–10:38 – Call-in about commitment, affairs, and honesty in relationships
• 10:38–12:02 – Interplay between promises, trust, and commitment
• 12:02–12:42 – The "never fell out of love at the same time" anecdote and final reflections

Summary Takeaway

This episode provides a lively, honest conversation about marriage and partnership, focusing on the growing number of women (and men) who find fulfillment outside of traditional marriage. Rooted in real-life stories, generational trends, and candid opinions, the dialogue highlights the importance of self-awareness, mutual understanding, and rethinking what long-term commitment really means. The tone is irreverent and supportive, packed with humor, empathy, and honest debate—hallmarks of The Bert Show's engaging style.