Podcast Summary: How to Age Up – Best of “How To”: Identify What You Enjoy

Release Date: December 23, 2024

Introduction

In this featured episode of How to Age Up, hosted by The Atlantic, Megan Garber and Arthur Brooks delve into the foundational elements of happiness, drawing from their earlier series, How to Build a Happy Life. The episode, originally published in 2021 during the pandemic and later revisited, emphasizes the critical role of identifying personal enjoyment as the first step toward fostering a joyful life. Throughout the conversation, guest expert Lori Gottlieb, one of America's top psychotherapists, joins to explore the intricate dynamics of happiness, connection, satisfaction, and purpose.

Exploring the Macronutrients of Happiness

Arthur Brooks introduces a compelling metaphor to define happiness, likening it to a balanced meal composed of three macronutrients: enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.

Arthur Brooks [01:40]: “Happiness is like a banquet… the three macronutrients to happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. People who are truly happy about their lives have all three, and they have them in abundance and balance.”

a. Enjoyment

Brooks begins by unpacking enjoyment, distinguishing it from fleeting feelings of pleasure. He defines it as a combination of pleasure and elevation—an authentic form of enjoyment that stems from meaningful experiences.

Arthur Brooks [04:09]: “Enjoyment is like a banquet, and you can define it in a lot of different ways in terms of the ingredients… I define enjoyment as pleasure plus elevation.”

Megan Garber concurs, adding the essential component of connection to enjoyment, emphasizing that human relationships are integral to true happiness.

Megan Garber [04:15]: “I think that connection really has to be in there… if you don't have connection added to those ingredients, it's going to be hard.”

They discuss the concept of anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure, highlighting how critical enjoyment is to overall happiness. Garber shares therapeutic strategies, such as making time for fun and identifying personal sources of joy, even amidst a hyper-scheduled life.

Megan Garber [07:47]: “A lot of people think, 'If I have the time, what would fun even look like?' I don't even know what that looks like.”

b. Satisfaction

The conversation shifts to satisfaction, defined as the reward for meeting goals. Brooks introduces the hedonic treadmill, explaining why satisfaction often feels fleeting and how individuals continually seek new achievements to regain that burst of happiness.

Arthur Brooks [14:28]: “You shouldn't think of your satisfaction as a function of what you have, but rather what you have divided by what you want.”

Garber explores the difference between maximizers and satisficers, illustrating how the pursuit of the "best" often leads to perpetual dissatisfaction, whereas satisficers find contentment by meeting their criteria without incessant comparison.

Megan Garber [16:54]: “Satisficers are the people who… you find a sweater that fits you… you're happy, you're done. Maximizers will keep looking for something better and remain unsatisfied.”

c. Purpose

Addressing the most challenging macronutrient, purpose, Brooks connects it to enduring pain and suffering. He posits that meaningful lives are often forged through overcoming adversity, aligning with philosophical and religious traditions that emphasize the sacredness of suffering.

Arthur Brooks [22:18]: “If we don't suffer, if we don't come to terms with having a life that's fully alive with the good and the bad, we can't actually get enough meaning and purpose in our life.”

Garber elaborates on the neutrality of feelings, advocating for embracing all emotions as guides to personal desires and life directions.

Megan Garber [24:21]: “All of our feelings are positive in the sense that they tell us what we want. Our feelings are like a compass.”

Listener Stories and Reflections

The episode features poignant listener stories that illustrate the interplay of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose in real life.

1. Carl from North Carolina [30:00]: A high school English teacher expresses lasting happiness from reconnecting with his students in person, highlighting the profound impact of connection and meaningful engagement.

   Carl [30:00]: “Seeing their eyes light up and getting to exercise that teaching muscle… teaching makes me happy.”

2. Kristen in New York [33:22]: Kristen shares a journey from profound happiness in Tokyo to a descent into grief and loss exacerbated by the pandemic. Her story underscores the challenges of sustaining happiness amid multiple layers of suffering and the importance of allowing oneself to grieve to rediscover joy.

   Kristen [33:22]: “I feel like I will never experience that kind of happiness again like I did that summer.”

3. Joel Marsh from Park City, Utah [40:24]: Joel describes moments of spontaneous fun and connection with coworkers, illustrating how small shared experiences contribute to enjoyment and satisfaction in everyday life.

   Joel [40:24]: “Our job can feel a little Zen… let's have more moments of connection.”

Conclusion: Integrating Happiness Components Through Life

The episode culminates in reinforcing the synergy between enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose, emphasizing that a balanced approach to these elements fosters enduring happiness. Brooks and Garber stress that embracing life's full spectrum—from joy to sorrow—is essential for meaningful aging and overall well-being.

Arthur Brooks [39:44]: “The practice of enjoyment and satisfaction and purpose through pain and through love and all the experience that is the beautiful thing that we call life.”

Megan Garber [41:30]: “It's those small moments like… those spontaneous moments of connection… how can we show up.”

Key Takeaways

• Balance is Key: True happiness arises from a balanced integration of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.
• Embrace Connection: Human relationships are fundamental to experiencing genuine enjoyment and fulfillment.
• Manage Expectations: Transitioning from a maximizer to a satisficer can lead to greater contentment and reduced anxiety.
• Find Meaning in Struggle: Purpose often emerges from overcoming adversity, highlighting the importance of embracing all life experiences.
• Small Moments Matter: Daily interactions and spontaneous connections significantly contribute to a meaningful and happy life.

This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for individuals seeking to navigate the complexities of aging with grace, emphasizing that the journey toward happiness is as much about the challenges as it is about the joys.