Podcast Summary: The Besties – "Besties Battle Bracket: Best Bathroom Game"

Date: January 2, 2026
Hosts: Chris Plante, Griffin McElroy, Justin McElroy, Russ Frushtick
Theme: Ranking and debating the best video games to play while on the toilet, culminating in a bracket-format showdown of mobile and portable bathroom-friendly games.

Overview

In this Patreon bonus episode, The Besties assemble to determine the ultimate "bathroom game" – the best video game to play while on the toilet. With their signature humor, irreverence, and surprisingly thoughtful insights, the hosts debate game design, session length, shame factor, platform, and personal anecdotes to develop the ideal rubric for judging games in this unique arena. What follows is a lively, often hilarious, and occasionally surprisingly earnest bracket to crown the #1 "potty game" of all time.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Ground Rules

[01:54] – [06:12]

• Tone: Griff warns: “If we could try to not get too in the weeds about this shameful stuff that happens in the battle when you make dirt...we will lose people.”
• The team jokes about censoring the grossest content, the dangers of toilet humor, and establishing some boundaries, with Plant immediately testing the limits.

Key Quote:

"No more 'turd is the word,' I heard. And that'll be the last."
— Chris Plant, [04:14]

2. Defining the Bathroom Game Rubric

[06:05] – [10:31]

• Criteria are hotly debated. They settle on three main rubrics:
  • Conduciveness to Toilet Time (short sessions, one-handed, portrait mode favored)
  • Makes You Want To Toilet More (a game you specifically seek out for the bathroom)
  • Shame Factor (how embarrassed would you be to be caught playing it on the toilet)
• Duration is critical for health (avoid games that keep you sitting too long).

Key Quote:

"Which game will result in hemorrhoids and is therefore the loser of this round – crazy."
— Russ, [07:47]

3. Bracket Battles (First Round Highlights)

• Marvel Snap vs. Balatro
  Marvel Snap wins due to short, snappy sessions and ideal portrait-mode design.

  • "Marvel Snap: that’s a toilet game made for toilet users." – Griffin, [14:11]

• Chess.com vs. Tetris
  Chess.com wins for asynchronous play, one-hand portrait mode, and elite "caught-in-the-act" social cachet.

  • "If you walk in on me ... I'm fucking like, heated in the middle of a bullet match, you're gonna apologize to me." – Griffin, [23:33]

• Merge Maestro (replacing Super Auto Pets) vs. Slay the Spire
  The newcomer Merge Maestro, praised for its perfect session length and one-handed play, advances.

  • "It's just so perfect for the format of what we are describing." – Griffin, [78:25]

• Vampire Survivors vs. Downwell
  Downwell wins for quick, replayable runs vs. Vampire Survivors’ unhealthy 30-minute marathons.

  • "Downwell on the other hand is the one game on this entire list that I know where I was when I finished it: I was in Vox Media's bathroom..." – Plant, [37:44]

• Other matches include Tetris, Tiny Wings, Angry Birds, Super Stickman Golf, Desert Golfing, and more. Occasional substitutes are slotted in when hosts realize a game isn’t truly “potty optimal.”

4. Notable Shifts and Genre Debates

• The group repeatedly replaces games in the bracket when they feel a title is not representative or optimal for bathroom play (e.g., Merge Maestro in for Super Auto Pets, Super Stickman Golf in for What the Golf).
• Idle games and old mobile classics are considered but dismissed for lack of modern accessibility or the right vibes.

5. Late-Game Showdowns and Bracket Narrowing

• Debates Heat Up
  Extended, passionate arguments about the perfect blend of satisfaction, replayability, session length, and even which direction the game should play (vertical preferred for toilet experience).

  • "I feel like toilet games should go up and down, they shouldn't go side to side..." – Griffin, [81:44]

• Rubric Holds Strong
  As the games are narrowed, the hosts find the rubric uncannily accurate at selecting the optimal experiences.

6. The Finalists Decision

Top 5:

1. Downwell (winner – an endlessly replayable, vertical action game)
2. Tiny Wings (enduring, zen-like, texturally perfect for the bathroom)
3. Chess.com (specifically Chess Puzzles mode; replayable, aspirational, solo-friendly)
4. Merge Maestro (new, addictive, one-handed, quick session)
5. Marvel Snap (fast, fun, but fading in the meta and less reliable against the other titans)

• “If Buddha played an iOS game, it would be Desert Golfing.” – Russ, [75:16]
• “Downwell on the other hand is the one game...I was in Vox Media’s bathroom, the second stall...” – Plant, [37:44]
• “Tiny Wings is one of the best games ever made.” – Justin, [63:18]
• “Chess.com… Honestly, it’s a social media network for nerds…” – Justin, [68:01]

7. Honorable Mentions

• The hosts mention the importance of games like Cut the Rope, Pipe Dream, idle games, and others, but note issues with platform availability, session length, or redundancy.

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Game Shame:
  "If someone walks in … playing chess, she might be like, oh, an erudite boy!” – Plant, [09:33]
• On bodily realities:
  “If you’re gaming, you just gotta take it. Sometimes it’s eat, sleep, game—but not all at once, you know?” – Justin, [28:06]
• Jokes at their own expense:
  "Do you realize we're halfway through, and I feel 100% confident about every single one of these? It's like we've captured something ephemeral." – Justin, [38:47]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Setting boundaries and tone: [01:54] – [05:15]
• Defining the bathroom game rubric: [06:05] – [10:31]
• Marvel Snap vs. Balatro debate: [11:06] – [16:22]
• Chess.com vs. Tetris deep dive: [16:52] – [23:53]
• Merge Maestro ascends: [29:27] – [33:51], [78:25] for Final Four
• Tiny Wings vs. Angry Birds (+ Cut the Rope): [59:54] – [65:22]
• Final Four and Five reveal: [83:01] – [88:23]
• Winner Announcement & Wrap: [88:23] – [89:39]

The Final Verdict (Top 5 Bathroom Games)

1. Downwell
2. Tiny Wings
3. Chess.com (Chess Puzzles Mode)
4. Merge Maestro
5. Marvel Snap

Honorable Mentions: Merge Maestro and Marvel Snap positions debated, Desert Golfing just misses the cut, Super Stickman Golf, Cut the Rope, and others discussed.

Tone & Takeaway

While the episode is structured around a ludicrously specific topic, the hosts manage to balance lowbrow jokes (“runs are perfect length for bathroom”) with genuinely nuanced game critique. Their interplay is quick, affectionate, and occasionally fiercely competitive. The result is both a love letter to mobile gaming’s past and a smart, funny, and surprisingly relatable bit of podcasting.

For bathroom gamers and non-gamers alike: You will laugh, you will cringe, you might learn a thing or two about chess puzzles, and you will definitely never think about your next restroom break the same way.