Besties Battle Bracket: Best Bathroom Game (Patreon Bonus)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Besties – "Besties Battle Bracket: Best Bathroom Game"

Date: January 2, 2026
Hosts: Chris Plante, Griffin McElroy, Justin McElroy, Russ Frushtick
Theme: Ranking and debating the best video games to play while on the toilet, culminating in a bracket-format showdown of mobile and portable bathroom-friendly games.

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Overview

In this Patreon bonus episode, The Besties assemble to determine the ultimate "bathroom game" – the best video game to play while on the toilet. With their signature humor, irreverence, and surprisingly thoughtful insights, the hosts debate game design, session length, shame factor, platform, and personal anecdotes to develop the ideal rubric for judging games in this unique arena. What follows is a lively, often hilarious, and occasionally surprisingly earnest bracket to crown the #1 "potty game" of all time.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Ground Rules

[01:54] – [06:12]

• Tone: Griff warns: “If we could try to not get too in the weeds about this shameful stuff that happens in the battle when you make dirt...we will lose people.”
• The team jokes about censoring the grossest content, the dangers of toilet humor, and establishing some boundaries, with Plant immediately testing the limits.

Key Quote:

"No more 'turd is the word,' I heard. And that'll be the last."
— Chris Plant, [04:14]

2. Defining the Bathroom Game Rubric

[06:05] – [10:31]

• Criteria are hotly debated. They settle on three main rubrics:
  • Conduciveness to Toilet Time (short sessions, one-handed, portrait mode favored)
  • Makes You Want To Toilet More (a game you specifically seek out for the bathroom)
  • Shame Factor (how embarrassed would you be to be caught playing it on the toilet)
• Duration is critical for health (avoid games that keep you sitting too long).

Key Quote:

"Which game will result in hemorrhoids and is therefore the loser of this round – crazy."
— Russ, [07:47]

3. Bracket Battles (First Round Highlights)

• Marvel Snap vs. Balatro
  Marvel Snap wins due to short, snappy sessions and ideal portrait-mode design.

  • "Marvel Snap: that’s a toilet game made for toilet users." – Griffin, [14:11]

• Chess.com vs. Tetris
  Chess.com wins for asynchronous play, one-hand portrait mode, and elite "caught-in-the-act" social cachet.

  • "If you walk in on me ... I'm fucking like, heated in the middle of a bullet match, you're gonna apologize to me." – Griffin, [23:33]

• Merge Maestro (replacing Super Auto Pets) vs. Slay the Spire
  The newcomer Merge Maestro, praised for its perfect session length and one-handed play, advances.

  • "It's just so perfect for the format of what we are describing." – Griffin, [78:25]

• Vampire Survivors vs. Downwell
  Downwell wins for quick, replayable runs vs. Vampire Survivors’ unhealthy 30-minute marathons.

  • "Downwell on the other hand is the one game on this entire list that I know where I was when I finished it: I was in Vox Media's bathroom..." – Plant, [37:44]

• Other matches include Tetris, Tiny Wings, Angry Birds, Super Stickman Golf, Desert Golfing, and more. Occasional substitutes are slotted in when hosts realize a game isn’t truly “potty optimal.”

4. Notable Shifts and Genre Debates

• The group repeatedly replaces games in the bracket when they feel a title is not representative or optimal for bathroom play (e.g., Merge Maestro in for Super Auto Pets, Super Stickman Golf in for What the Golf).
• Idle games and old mobile classics are considered but dismissed for lack of modern accessibility or the right vibes.

5. Late-Game Showdowns and Bracket Narrowing

• Debates Heat Up
  Extended, passionate arguments about the perfect blend of satisfaction, replayability, session length, and even which direction the game should play (vertical preferred for toilet experience).

  • "I feel like toilet games should go up and down, they shouldn't go side to side..." – Griffin, [81:44]

• Rubric Holds Strong
  As the games are narrowed, the hosts find the rubric uncannily accurate at selecting the optimal experiences.

6. The Finalists Decision

Top 5:

1. Downwell (winner – an endlessly replayable, vertical action game)
2. Tiny Wings (enduring, zen-like, texturally perfect for the bathroom)
3. Chess.com (specifically Chess Puzzles mode; replayable, aspirational, solo-friendly)
4. Merge Maestro (new, addictive, one-handed, quick session)
5. Marvel Snap (fast, fun, but fading in the meta and less reliable against the other titans)

• “If Buddha played an iOS game, it would be Desert Golfing.” – Russ, [75:16]
• “Downwell on the other hand is the one game...I was in Vox Media’s bathroom, the second stall...” – Plant, [37:44]
• “Tiny Wings is one of the best games ever made.” – Justin, [63:18]
• “Chess.com… Honestly, it’s a social media network for nerds…” – Justin, [68:01]

7. Honorable Mentions

• The hosts mention the importance of games like Cut the Rope, Pipe Dream, idle games, and others, but note issues with platform availability, session length, or redundancy.

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Game Shame:
  "If someone walks in … playing chess, she might be like, oh, an erudite boy!” – Plant, [09:33]
• On bodily realities:
  “If you’re gaming, you just gotta take it. Sometimes it’s eat, sleep, game—but not all at once, you know?” – Justin, [28:06]
• Jokes at their own expense:
  "Do you realize we're halfway through, and I feel 100% confident about every single one of these? It's like we've captured something ephemeral." – Justin, [38:47]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Setting boundaries and tone: [01:54] – [05:15]
• Defining the bathroom game rubric: [06:05] – [10:31]
• Marvel Snap vs. Balatro debate: [11:06] – [16:22]
• Chess.com vs. Tetris deep dive: [16:52] – [23:53]
• Merge Maestro ascends: [29:27] – [33:51], [78:25] for Final Four
• Tiny Wings vs. Angry Birds (+ Cut the Rope): [59:54] – [65:22]
• Final Four and Five reveal: [83:01] – [88:23]
• Winner Announcement & Wrap: [88:23] – [89:39]

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The Final Verdict (Top 5 Bathroom Games)

1. Downwell
2. Tiny Wings
3. Chess.com (Chess Puzzles Mode)
4. Merge Maestro
5. Marvel Snap

Honorable Mentions: Merge Maestro and Marvel Snap positions debated, Desert Golfing just misses the cut, Super Stickman Golf, Cut the Rope, and others discussed.

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Tone & Takeaway

While the episode is structured around a ludicrously specific topic, the hosts manage to balance lowbrow jokes (“runs are perfect length for bathroom”) with genuinely nuanced game critique. Their interplay is quick, affectionate, and occasionally fiercely competitive. The result is both a love letter to mobile gaming’s past and a smart, funny, and surprisingly relatable bit of podcasting.

For bathroom gamers and non-gamers alike: You will laugh, you will cringe, you might learn a thing or two about chess puzzles, and you will definitely never think about your next restroom break the same way.

Transcript

[Russ Frostyk]

Hey everyone we are actually on break this week but we wanted to give you a little bit of a gift a nice little present actually this comes from the members of the patreon they've given you a gift because they voted.

[Justin McElroy]

On them their charity this is the.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Gift that you pull out he was hiding behind the chair it wasn't even under the tree you know it's that.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S the reason for the season it.

[Russ Frostyk]

Is and it is a free bracket episode it was the bracket episode that was voted on by the members of the patreon they thought y' all the greater besties community and i don't mean i mean size wise not necessarily literally greater right wanted to hear it keep.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Digging the hole just keep digging that.

[Justin McElroy]

Hole yeah the patreon community referred to it as pearls before swine that is how they referred to it so but.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S fire and ice over there man.

[Justin McElroy]

Goblet up piggies that's what they said.

[Griffin McElroy]

They said gobble it up all piggies.

[Justin McElroy]

If you want to join by the way listen something's cooking over there i don't love all of it obviously the energy in the inside the patreon is wild but you should get in there.

[Russ Frostyk]

It might just be you justin i.

[Justin McElroy]

Think you are reading trying to start fights i want to have my own.

[Russ Frostyk]

Sword they seem so nice but i.

[Justin McElroy]

Just want to start drama i know.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

People outside the patreon know about justin's bot army that has been yeah oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Man they're so fun they are so.

[Justin McElroy]

I hired them because ai took over all the bot jobs so hiring bots i'm giving them a nice place to.

[Russ Frostyk]

Work thanks bots you can go over to patreon dot com thebesties if you have any interest in monthly bracket episodes we also have bi monthly resties episodes and hey if you have a besties fan in your life and you want to get them a nice gift you can go to patreon dot com thebesties gift and you can actually gift them a subscription to the show which is cool anyway enjoy this episode.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we make a promise and i wish i didn't have to say this but this is like this is the podcast where the text thread sometimes i get pictures of somebody's ear mess or somebody's big toenail if we could just try to not get too in the weeds about this shameful stuff that happens in the battle when you make dirt i don't really wanna get really really deep and i feel like i'm being one hundred percent serious in that we will lose people these are the special episodes that go right to the patrons and we don't wanna say thank you for your support now listen as russ describes his latest bowel movement in great detail we.

[Russ Frostyk]

Wanna take the toilet we wanna take the toil out of toilet time is what you're saying why don't we just go the british way and call it the water closet because nothing a great.

[Griffin McElroy]

First start nothing bad i'm less concerned.

[Justin McElroy]

About technology best ludo because it's l u d o but it's also l o o d o that's cool it's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like a game and it could be but not l e w d o.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That'S not what ludo what about best play pal for the pooh palace so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Chris and i don't want to name names but you are the one i am most concerned about and the one i am kind of indirectly calling out here and i will actually before we go on a signed affidavit from you saying that you're gonna be on your sort of your best behavior better behavior.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Better at least no i'm gonna give.

[Griffin McElroy]

A shit this time yeah again this is the stuff it's making me more concerned like more worried one hundred percent serious concerned that people are gonna leave and stop supporting us financially okay i.

[Russ Frostyk]

Know we don't normally edit for censored stuff where we beep things out but i would say maybe if there's anything that gets pretty profoundly gross it's just gonna get a beep right yeah and.

[Griffin McElroy]

This isn't a live show but maybe like a tape delay like a thirty second tape delay just like cover our bases just so we know that we're being safe and we're being smart everybody.

[Russ Frostyk]

Does it we just don't need to talk about it is what you're saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

And i don't want you to hide your light under a bushel chris i would never i don't need to talk.

[Justin McElroy]

About it this right now though we do need to talk about it for the podcast right we've pledged to talk.

[Griffin McElroy]

About it it's like there's a child.

[Russ Frostyk]

In a room and you're just sitting.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

In the chair yeah no more turd is the word i heard and that'll.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be the last and that's the last.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

One and that's the last one and i'm done and i'm good this is.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S heartbreaking that the episode hasn't started.

[Griffin McElroy]

And i'm already tied i'm already like.

[Russ Frostyk]

Tied.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is justin mcelroy and i have the best game of the week and i'm introducing this show in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Self defense my name is griffin mcelroy i know the best game of the.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Wii my name is christopher thomas plant and i know the best game to play on the toilet my name is.

[Russ Frostyk]

Russ frostyk and i know the best game of the week welcome to the.

[Justin McElroy]

Besties where we talk about the latest and greatest in home interactive entertainment but i don't need to tell you that because you're a patron you know what you're getting into with this you know what you're here for you're here to hear the world's best friends tell you the best games to play on the toilet the toilet the loo the crapper.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

The john a he was a guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you're in the danger zone which.

[Justin McElroy]

Rubric are we gonna be using for this which poobric oh i can't wait now i'm done that was the one that i got to do that was.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

The one i got to get to do everybody gets one but the difference.

[Justin McElroy]

Between you and me planet is taste.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Class elegance you know what i mean.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S gotta be like if you can't imagine it being said by someone with a martini glass at their lips and an olive popping out of their mouth and it's not a good poop joke.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know russ i want to hear what you've devised here because i have enormous umbrage with at least one of.

[Russ Frostyk]

These topics yeah i kind of strained to come up with some good rubrics.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

For this no wait did you strain.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'Re better than this it'll normalize once we get it out of our system listener it'll it just needs to get.

[Justin McElroy]

Out of our sergeant pepper.

[Russ Frostyk]

Okay here's what i came up with and i'm open to workshopping rubric a which game is more conducive to toilet time so this could include like you know maybe it's convenient to hold the device or maybe it's a short game that goes.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know quickly this is great we have no problem with this russ obviously this is not the problem actor in this particular scene sure sure sure i.

[Justin McElroy]

Will say though the first one is hugely subjective i mean yeah to a point where i don't even think it's.

[Russ Frostyk]

Useful i mean we're gonna get even more subjective in a second which game makes you want to use the toilet.

[Griffin McElroy]

More now that's crazy like it's harmless it's benign but it's hard we have.

[Justin McElroy]

To start with more do you mean which one most increases your desire to use the toilet or do you mean which one is like linger longer just a little bit more toilet time for me is that what you mean like poop for more time or increases the.

[Russ Frostyk]

Desire to use the toilet i'm worried cause it might conflict with the tiebreaker.

[Griffin McElroy]

The tiebreaker's not gonna stay so don't worry about the tiebreaker don't worry about it the tiebreaker's fucking deranged cause the.

[Justin McElroy]

Tiebreaker'S not funny so there's a problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't mind which game makes you want to go to the toilet more because it could mean a lot of things and again i don't think we should shy away from these kind of abstract interpretive ideas okay but the third.

[Russ Frostyk]

One i mean the third one is more a health concern okay say it what i wrote down was which game will result in hemorrhoids and is therefore the loser of this round crazy so.

[Griffin McElroy]

This was a big concern in googling like what's toilet games there's a lot of people who feel very strongly that you shouldn't because you'll get hemorrhoids and my question is what game are you guys fucking playing that is are you playing dark dark souls and just like really freaking about it like what's your.

[Justin McElroy]

The problem is like it's the amount of time the idea is that the longer you're on the toilet using the potty you're increasing the amount of time that that you are damaging the inner lining there right so if you are on the toilet if the game's too.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Fun yes really ten to fifteen minutes is the medical window you don't want to be on it more than that.

[Justin McElroy]

Fifteen minutes i'm in there watching an adventure time what i like the y'.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

All are saying this and wait till we get into some of these games i know that y' all are playing under well i know that you're all digging that marvel snap for longer than you would like to admit i would.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like to discuss one of the optional rubrics here is which game would you be less ashamed to be discovered playing on the toilet and i love that as a rubric i love that as a tiebreaker i think that that is really really really strong because obviously someone walking in on me on the toilet is one of my great fears and i don't need it to be made worse because i am playing you know a game where like the anime girl horse racing game there's certain games that would be sort of a bad i'm.

[Russ Frostyk]

Just a little worried because i don't think in looking at the final list i don't think there's a lot of games on here that would necessarily be shameful to be caught oh yeah it's.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Not so much shameful it's that some are less shameful than others some are less shameful objectively than others if you know steffi comes into the bathroom because i left the door unlocked and i'm playing chess she might be like oh an erudite boy you know she might think like she might be impressed okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fair enough playing genshin impact oh that.

[Russ Frostyk]

Would not go yeah not on the list for what it's worth but yes okay okay i'm fine switching it up.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

So we have yes which game is more conducive to toilet time we agree that that one should stay that's our number one yeah great and that's more of like everything around the game so.

[Russ Frostyk]

Then not necessarily i think it's also aspects of the game itself being quick like a quick game to play yeah.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Sorry sorry i mean like the game itself the fun of the game i feel like that's maybe the second question which game makes you want to toilet more yeah right that's like the game just so fun i don't know about.

[Russ Frostyk]

Using toilet as a verb but yeah.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Yeah i want a toilet more and then what was the time i can't say the words i want to use so i'm trying to play by your rules you very hemmed him in yeah geez you did hemmed me in that's great okay i feel good about this are we good with this yeah i love it let's do it okay okay let's do it okay so i have broken these up into some rounds that somewhat make sense should i give no i'm just gonna go right into it i'm not gonna give the full sixteen you'll get the full sixteen yeah we'll.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go right into it yeah you'll hear.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Em when you hear them round one begins with the card games balatro versus marvel snap and this is a straight up brawl right from the top brutal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Brutal from the start i've played more marvel snap on the toilet than balatro but i've played considerably more balatro than marvel snap so this is the venn diagram is a little bit maybe i should put it this way i've only played marvel snap on the toilet and balatro can be enjoyed anywhere anytime but marvel snap almost seems designed i think balatro's the better game but i do think i could make a case for marvel snap being the better potty game.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Marvel snap it's like they qa'd it with a toilet in mind yeah i think the actual timing of a round of marvel staff and your path to satisfaction you're gonna get that during it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Falls definitely within the medically what i'm just learning medically agreed upon bathroom window you can get through that in five.

[Justin McElroy]

Minutes if you i would like to i want to fold something into toilet appropriateness sure i would not want to see people in my day to day life necessarily watching me control my different spider men's to fight the green goblins like i would not necessarily that may be for me a little more conducive to toilet time in my day to day life running around i don't care to be playing a sort of like classy poker sort of like oh look at him a seeking man's poker third.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Rubric no no we're in both no we're not this is very interesting what.

[Griffin McElroy]

You'Re saying i don't want to play.

[Justin McElroy]

That publicly there's games that won't play.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Out between one and three that sometimes there are games that yeah you would be more embarrassed for them to be walked in on but they're kind of nice to do in the dark private recesses of the trailer it's unlikely that.

[Russ Frostyk]

You'Re going to be walked in on but you would be seen in public.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah there's a lot of things happening in there you don't want to be walked in on you know what i mean it's the bathroom i don't think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I assume that that's gonna happen can i make the case for marvel snap and then someone make the case for bilo sure okay should make case for marvel snap first of all more appropriate for the toilet i'm gonna say two words and this is gonna i think come up a lot and i think it's gonna for me it's gonna be a huge huge selling point for a no i'm sorry portrait portrait mode portrait mode yes balachro's great it's gonna come up marvel snap portrait mode one hand is doing spider man stuff the other hand is doing whatever it needs to do to get me in and out of that great room as fast as possible talking about short games talking about grinding out levels and season packs going through little dopamine hits boop boop boop boop boop we're gonna talk a lot about phone games because they're built around this sort of loop generally speaking and i think balatro obviously better game i don't remember if it was our game of the year but it was way.

[Russ Frostyk]

It wasn't but it should have been.

[Griffin McElroy]

But man marvel snap that's a toilet game made for toilet users i feel.

[Justin McElroy]

Like yeah one hundred percent i could definitely i would say half the time when i finish a game in marvel snap and it has been a while since i played but i don't think that should be germane to this i will say about half the time i finish around that and i think fuck this game i'm never playing this again i'm done and then about an hour later i'll be like oh what's happening on marvel's app but i don't feel that way with balatro balachro i'm like i gotta do it again i can do better and it's thirty minutes right like i'm way deep into it marvel snap gives you a nice shove away they don't want you like you could you forgot how mad this makes you.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Okay go away yeah it is interesting.

[Russ Frostyk]

Because blacher you can quit theoretically you can quit at any time there's saving mid round you don't have to do a full run but the momentum of round to round and your fear whether this is true or not that you're gonna forget what sort of run you were doing does encourage that that's not.

[Justin McElroy]

A fear for me that's a guarantee.

[Russ Frostyk]

It does encourage that you're gonna prolong.

[Griffin McElroy]

The effort i think the thing balatro's got going for it is it is one of the more sort of compelling games that has come out in the last decade one of the games where i've had the most like oops it's one am and i've been playing balacha this whole time i've played it so much on so many different systems if it was portrait mode i think maybe you could make the argument but for me this is not what's the most compelling most addictive game it is what's the best sort of bathroom experience and for me i think marvel snap takes it but can we go to the.

[Russ Frostyk]

Rubric sure which game is more conducive to toilet time i would definitely agree that marvel snap is more conducive to portrait man short short form which game makes you want to go to the toilet more hmm i'll speak for myself it's probably balatro because toilet balatro i.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Think it's marvel snap here because balatro just i want to go play it wherever i want to go play it on my yeah that's i want to go play it on my laptop where do i want to go play marvel snap i want to go play it on the toilet oh that's a secret and safe if i'm playing that elsewhere it's like i could be doing something.

[Griffin McElroy]

Else right now yeah okay yeah no.

[Justin McElroy]

I it's marvel snap i'm shocking myself but i really think it's marvel snap.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know i think way way way worse game than balatro no arguably but.

[Justin McElroy]

Better on the potty better on the potty better when it comes to the.

[Russ Frostyk]

Camp i think we're right all right.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Cool i feel good about that this is good i think i'm feeling very good with the rubric that you set here that's positive so far it's taken us through this we got there okay next up we have tetris versus chess.

[Griffin McElroy]

At chess dot com tetris versus chess dot com is huge classic i am.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

So happy about tetris versus chess dot.

[Justin McElroy]

Com is one of the funniest things i've ever heard yeah the idea that chess would hear about tetris and then be like oh yeah well check this out chess dot com and tetris is like fuck he's got me he came back around now chess is the futuristic one he's got a dot com go to tetris dot com you just get.

[Russ Frostyk]

Hacked by russians yeah griffin griffin talk to me about chess dot com comma.

[Griffin McElroy]

Something that yeah i put chess dot com is it an app yes chess dot com has an app and i've been a subscriber to it for years now and i will go and what.

[Russ Frostyk]

Do you get with the subscription the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Night yeah you get the knight no i mean you get like hey russ.

[Justin McElroy]

Trust me griffin's right on this one don't go too far out in the limb man you might find a wobble.

[Griffin McElroy]

You'Re gonna fall out the tree entirely it is when you are a subscriber it gives you access to lessons it gives you access to video training from the professionals and the lessons are wild because they go from you know fundamentals to advanced concepts to like if you just want to learn different openings and then you can go down like a pathway where you learn oh today i'm just going to learn all about the rui lopez opening or whatever but what does it for me twofold one asynchronous chess games it's perfect to sit down and in the span of ten to fifteen medically approved minutes like sending it submitting a move in the handful of games that you have going with your friends or alternatively i mean i guess you could do bullet if you were a fucking psychopath what is bullet bullet is where you have like a minute total to make all of your moves.

[Justin McElroy]

See the guys at the speed chest.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S like speed chest yeah we see.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys slapping the slapping the phone and.

[Russ Frostyk]

That'S not asynchronous that's you playing against.

[Griffin McElroy]

Someone else correct yeah i mean you can also play computer synchronously i guess but that's single player technically at that point but what really hits me is the puzzles there's a whole chess puzzle mode that they relaunched sort of last year with more of a grind where you're grinding for ranks and stuff like that and it's just like what's the best what's the best optimal move in this moment and not kidding it is what i come back to when i if i don't i'm never without a game to play as long as i have my phone on me because i will bust chess dot com out you know a few times a month maybe once a week or so i'm like yeah let's dip in and then i'll get in there but it's just a perfect amount of if you care at.

[Justin McElroy]

All i cannot overstate what a great overall tool thing chess dot com is not just like it is so rare that after that like land grab of the nineties where people were grabbing up all the good url's it's so rare that there's a good url that's actually managed by like a good company and is like actually like decent i try i once had a chess tutor for a few months and he could when i gave him my username he could look at my games and we could look at them together and he would load them and we could like go through move by move to like look at the games i was playing and then like pick them up from different places like yeah it is also one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Of the really really robust it's also.

[Justin McElroy]

Every different like delineation of chess in terms of timing so like bullet like griffin's talking about is like bang bang bang bang bang but there's also like five minute games or ten minute games right each one's paced differently and feels differently but there's different rankings for each one and i cannot tell you how addictive it is to have a built in persistent leaderboard in a game where like the rankings are actually like would actually matter to anybody other than the people who are like playing that game like you are you are increasing your chess aptitude and you have a concrete metric for how good you are at chess it's like it's really addictive yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah in the new puzzle mode you see where all of your friends are on this huge board it's like oh man justin just got out of wood rank he moved on to copper you gotta catch up knock some puzzles out get those streaks going this is all.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

So compelling but what are you playing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tetris on what are you playing tetris.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

On is my question okay so that's a great question and chess dot com is going to win this but i want to make my case for tetris tetris is the perfect portable game bar none it had a great time in the game boy era the problem is ea took over the publishing rights for a long time and they controlled it during the mobile game era and it kind of stunk but and now it's actually overseen by play studios which i don't know but it's a free to play game that is like overall really solid it has all the features you would want it has good like leaderboards it has good daily goals it has all the things that you would expect.

[Russ Frostyk]

From them they keep the skinny piece.

[Griffin McElroy]

Around skinny skin yeah they got rid.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Of the skinny pieces yeah they did they did get rid of that one.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S gone.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Now there's a circle one and it just fucks everything up it's a great game it's gonna lose okay i'm fine with that i just i felt bad just letting it die on.

[Griffin McElroy]

The vine i'll tell you i mean tetris is obvious it's the only game that they sort of gave a name for the psychological ramifications of playing it too much and so obviously there is an inbuilt like it's sticky it's a sticky game it's a sticky game chess dot com comma one hand portrait mode loving that how am i supposed to t spin with one hand i fucking can't and i need a free hand while i'm using or else i'm gonna be like freaked out the whole time i'm just saying tetris is also a little stress little stressful for me it's.

[Russ Frostyk]

A little stressy it might expedite things.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Can i will say one last thing in its defense if you are looking for a metaphor for what your body is trying to do if you are trying to inspire some action i don't think you're gonna find something better than tetris but with that i concede chess dot com wins this round pipedream pipe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dream is better if we're talking about simulating the pipe dream or puyo pipe.

[Justin McElroy]

Pipe dream is classic yeah that's like having a colonoscopy in reverse do we.

[Griffin McElroy]

Want to go to the rubric or.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I mean no it's the clear winner in every capacity yeah yeah i think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just want to say special shout out if i'm discovered playing chess on the toilet the person that may be the only game where if you walk in on me on the toilet and i'm fucking like heated in the middle of a bullet match you're gonna apologize to me you're gonna be like oh my god i'm so sorry grandmaster how embarrassing for me to walk in the.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Toilet while you grandmaster splash gross gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Promise chess dot com a lot of.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

It okay next up we have slay the spire and super auto pets this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is an interesting one is everyone here familiar with super auto pets yes basically.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

You could just it catch folks up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes super auto pets belongs vaguely to the kind of like autochess genre that popped up several years ago and that term has never been particularly useful but it is a game where you have a team of five i think animals each animal attacks in a different way or has special modifiers or special things that it does each round every turn every battle i should say has a drafting round beforehand where you can spend your gold on a new pet or to upgrade a pet that you've already got or to buy some sort of item that you're going to put on one of those pets and then your pets battle against an actual other person's team of pets asynchronously because it all happens automatically hence the name auto pets and so it's a game about sort of drafting strategy and just trying to get put together the best team of five attackers and i think it's like you win if you win ten games before you lose three then you've then you have won the game of super auto pets very very very i mean it's a game that like if that sounds like your jam it will absolutely get its fucking hooks i haven't played it in a while but when i was playing it was a it was it was hot and heavy man hoops.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I feel like you were a big slay the spire person yeah yeah i.

[Justin McElroy]

Slay the spire is one of my favorite games of all time and i and i think about slay the i've played so much slay the spire that i it is one of the i think other than hades it's probably the thing that i played the most.

[Griffin McElroy]

For.

[Justin McElroy]

Me i think slay the spire is very much in the same model of its runtime is just a little bit too long for you know to play on the toilet i mean to be honest with you i've only ever played this thing on steam deck or laptop and i know there is a very capable mobile version but for me i don't i'd already sunk the time in.

[Russ Frostyk]

Griffin how long is a run in super auto pets or at least like.

[Griffin McElroy]

A round i mean it would be long for a single go i would say it would take you a bit like it's a question of how quickly you get through the drafting because once the battles take seconds sure like the battles you can fast forward times four i actually interesting enough i think i've probably played slay the spire most on iphone and ipad mostly on ipad because the ipad version's really solid and you get around a lot of the thick finger accidentally picking the wrong stuff but i actually think the phone version's really great and i've played quite a bit of it on there both these games are landscape mode so we're talking about a two handed situation both times i don't think it's necessary i don't know i don't think this is as cut and dry in my mind because i also think i think slay the spire is maybe the best roguelite card game.

[Justin McElroy]

Ever are we gonna continue sorry we gotta stop here are we gonna continue to allow griffin to insist that he be able to wipe endgame because that is what he's saying and we're all just fucking letting it go but what my man's saying is i might be gaming and i need the other hand.

[Griffin McElroy]

To wipe that is not a i.

[Justin McElroy]

Need to be able to w and.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That'S what i refer to not what.

[Justin McElroy]

I'M saying one hundred percent it is.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

All you i was so worried i was so worried that y' all were doing it and then i was the.

[Justin McElroy]

Odd one thank you okay i'm glad we are finally taking this house of cards down because honestly man just stop gaming you know what i mean you just gotta take it listen i'm one hundred percent gamer i love to game you know me you just gotta sometimes it's eat sleep game but not all.

[Griffin McElroy]

At once you know no i first of all there's a lot of stuff in a bathroom that you would need one hand for other than just wiping your butt sometimes it's gaming sometimes it.

[Justin McElroy]

Knows what to be able to do while you gave like what is it you want to gave and please let.

[Griffin McElroy]

Me finish my point please let me finish my point sometimes i have to operate the bidet sometimes i have to hold the door closed because one of my kids is trying to get in there and i guess i can use.

[Justin McElroy]

My i'm naming for that if i'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

Slaying the spire with both hands and a kid dad buy me some robux.

[Justin McElroy]

Then quick quick reflex for slayer you can't hesitate for a second when you're.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Spiring be real with me when you're chasing you know a big win in slayer's fire in balachro and the bidet hits at the exact same time is that the closest you've come to god.

[Justin McElroy]

Dude it's like it's like hearing lose yourself over the speakers man this is like exactly the hit you need to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pump yourself up when that when that gros michelle hits while you're fucking hitting the spray perfect perfect synchronicity.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I think both these games are gonna lose in the next round because i do think they're both hemorrhoid friendly games they are allies to the hemorrhoids cause but that.

[Russ Frostyk]

Was not what we went with but.

[Griffin McElroy]

What it which game is more conducive.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah i think there is one i feel like guys now that we're looking at these two with the rubric i feel like there's some honorable mentions that i would that deserve to be in here more than this and maybe neither one of these are going to go forward and that's fine but like i've been playing merge maestro so much and that the timing of that thing is toilet rific that might be better experience.

[Russ Frostyk]

That might be a better fit if.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

We could array we could slot two different things in here because we have discovered that these two games i don't think these are conducive to toilet time.

[Justin McElroy]

I think slay the spire can stay because i know a lot of people have like do do that mob i think that for me it's just that one is really one where it's not just about a long session it's where the game is interdependent on the decisions that you've made previously and remembering those synergies and like what you're kind of waiting on what was the other one we were just talking about russ it's kind of like that where you're like forgetting you might forget oh like that yeah yeah like you're it's the same idea like where you you might forget the synergies and the things you're working with and that's really hard to jump back into especially when there's like so many different disciplines and different like roles that you'd be playing or whatever i'll.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go hard for merge maestro because that has been very practical yeah i think.

[Russ Frostyk]

It fits better i think it fits better than super auto pets honestly portrait.

[Griffin McElroy]

An incredible game similar aesthetic i would say weirdly enough to super auto pets i've never done legworks to see if it's the same company that made them but i don't know there are a.

[Russ Frostyk]

Ton of these and this is of the ones that i've tried this is the the best one the heir apparent to super auto pets in my opinion.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you haven't listened to one of the besties episodes where we discussed is somewhat similar to super auto pets in that there is like a drafting round and then you have a board sort of threes style where you are combining like tokens numbered one through eight but then as you draft you replace those tokens with special tokens that do different shit like oh now whenever you put two twos together and it makes a three it forms the headphones token which attacks the first two units twice for this much damage which is true about headphones but then there's like one hundred thirty or something tokens to choose from and there's just a fuckton of synergies and strategies to find there's a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

Of games that do the drafting thing but then when you get to the actual playing of it the playing of the game is not very fun and i feel like that can mergemeister is the first one where like they have that really hooky threes thing but you also have the drafting on top of it and they're kind of like working together so you have the meta and the micro that are both really compelling.

[Griffin McElroy]

And when you have a round that you break the fuck open it feels so so so so good yeah let's.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Go to the rubric on this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah which is more conducive for potty time probably merge maestro portrait mode we're loving it i do think you're not going to get through a whole game of mergerized maestro it's like fifteen rounds that would be no but it is.

[Justin McElroy]

More i think the strats in that game switch up more frequently than they do with something that's dependent like a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Slay the spire it's also a little.

[Russ Frostyk]

Easier to tell the build on a quicker rate than you can with like digging into a balatro build and like oh how many enhanced cards i have.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah i mean you have eight tokens and like a handful of permanent items that like two permanent items that you will find throughout the course of a game so like just looking at it at a glance you're able to kind of piece together what it is you're doing yeah i think merge my show i would actually love to i didn't include that because i didn't think it was as known of a i've been.

[Justin McElroy]

Playing a ton of it since yeah.

[Russ Frostyk]

It'S it's the only thing i would say i kind of yeah i would.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Say if it got to the last.

[Russ Frostyk]

Round which is which should you be less ashamed merge meister looks like a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking joke it looks like a child like a child's game it might need.

[Justin McElroy]

That edge i don't think it needs that edge for this round it may.

[Griffin McElroy]

Need it later but i think also if my wife walks in on me on the toilet which in our we've been together for like fourteen years has never happened which i like taking you.

[Justin McElroy]

To bring it up great pride in.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think if she spots me playing slay the spire on the toilet i also don't think that that's gonna look pretty i don't think i'm gonna come out of that looking like fucking little bird people with spears yeah okay so merge maestro okay yeah okay next up.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

We have vampire survivors versus downwell just.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give vampire survivors a quick check make sure i do think it's portrait mode.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Yeah so vampire survivors i think everybody listening to the show knows the general idea there it is a game where you move around the screen and you have these auto firing abilities and as you earn xp by killing enemies those auto abilities get stronger and stronger and stronger downwell maybe less known to the audience we talked about it maybe i don't know eight years ago frush do you want to tell people about it.

[Russ Frostyk]

Sure downwell you're like a little cute little guy and he jumps into a big well and it's basically a roguelike where you're constantly falling falling falling you're looking for upgrades you're trying to bounce off of enemies and create these combos of multiple kills in a row which nets you gold and then you spend the gold at these various shops and you just keep going down down down down down super cool art very minimalist art style i want to say that it has gyro controls in addition to like touch controls oh that sounds right yeah so just from a comfort standpoint like there's that aspect as well i played yeah i played a lot of this game on the potty for what.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S worth it is great for that great game i was never great at it it's a hard game it's a pretty hard game really hard because a lot of the success depends on accruing currency and getting every edge you can which the best way of doing that is to chain your bounces against enemies together not ever landing on the ground so it's actually a pretty frantic and like stressful game to play i had a lot more luck with it when it came out on like steam deck and i was able to play it like with a controller i had a little bit more of an easier time i definitely played it a lot on the potty but it's i don't like my games to be quite so twitchy.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you feel like playing this on the deck or like on a controller was a good experience because it seems so minimal i don't feel like that's the kind of thing i would want to sit in front of a tv.

[Griffin McElroy]

For i mean i think that it works fine the biggest knock against it that i would say is it is such a vertically oriented game inherently that playing it on a portrait mode thing this is not like a bathroom single handed preference it's like that's the way it was it's like one of those arcade shoot em ups where it's like yeah that's the screen it was designed for is a tall screen you need.

[Russ Frostyk]

Like a tape mode situation yeah i'm not gonna make i would i would also add to that point i actually think the game is easier with gyro controls it's one of the very very few examples because i think you need such twitchy control over the situation and an analog stick will not be as responsive as you tilting your hand so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah vampire survivors fucking rules i played that game a lot on my phone beat the shit out of it on my phone played it more on the phone than any other thing it's by default thirty minutes so i struggle with.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That a little bit vampire survivor scares me on the toilet because not only is it by default thirty minutes a.

[Russ Frostyk]

Lot of monsters you could say hey.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

You know what a lot of monsters ghosts and stuff i'll pause halfway through no no no you lose track of time when you're in the those things.

[Justin McElroy]

Are deep late they remind me i don't think they're up there with like remember when everybody was playing game development story on the phone that was one where i'm like holy shit three hours i was on the toilet there's a big ring oh no sydney is this ring permanent i was on the toilet for three hours help my butt's inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

Out.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Downwell on the other hand is the one game on this entire list that i know where i was when i finished it i was in vox media's bathroom the second stall over oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

What a bathroom straight onto warning let.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Me tell you midtown it was the good bathroom too yeah dude and i went in there and i didn't know that that's what was gonna happen and i beat it and let me tell you it was such a defining moment in my life i kind of backed down off of playing games in the bathroom after that cause i was like.

[Justin McElroy]

This feels like called hr on you.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Yeah i went too far i went too far i probably should not have.

[Justin McElroy]

Done this i would actually say down.

[Russ Frostyk]

Well i think down well is better i feel the length and the fact that you can't save a run in vampire survivors until it ends yeah is.

[Griffin McElroy]

A brief can you save a run in down like down no but they're.

[Russ Frostyk]

So short that it's like kind of doesn't matter like a run is like five minutes max i thought this rubric.

[Justin McElroy]

Was so stupid when we started and now we're halfway through and i feel like one hundred percent confident about every single one i feel like it might be the best elemental and ephemeral and we have captured it we have captured like the little prince wrapping his net.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Around a comet mm yeah okay next let's watch it all four parts yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause this next one's fucking this one's tough there's no way we get to the end of this round without swapping out one or perhaps both of these games let's go.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Okay next up we have pokemon go and warioware inc mega.

[Griffin McElroy]

Micro games where do you start where.

[Justin McElroy]

Does start pokemon go let me explain.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

This and i'm not saying put pokemon.

[Justin McElroy]

Go there man pokemon stay i know.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

How this happened and i'm guessing fresh.

[Russ Frostyk]

Put this here i put it on.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

There yeah speaking of games played in a vox media bathroom when you are in new york and you are in a big city your pokemon go reach i guess is you can accomplish a.

[Russ Frostyk]

Lot forget reach everything within ten feet there's like sixty fucking monsters it comes.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

To you yeah for sure right right.

[Griffin McElroy]

If i do this in my own personal bathroom probably not as productive it's gonna be me and fucking two oddishes and then i'll be that's it for the content i'm done with the content at that point.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

So let's see if we can keep either of these what's the problem with warioware inc mega micro games griffin you want to take that.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S just not that's such a little encapsulated gaming experience i will go and i will play one of those games and that's fine for me a true bathroom friend is something that i have been returning to over and over again and i think that's true of all the games we've discussed so far they have all been games that i have played multiple times throughout my life i can't think of like a warioware game that i'm like i gotta keep this one around just to see how i just to see how i do it it not being on a phone is also kind of an issue for me.

[Justin McElroy]

Is there oh man guys this is a real long shot but never mind i'm not even gonna ask is there enough what is the kitchen here for tilt to live.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That'S a good i.

[Justin McElroy]

Don'T know if you guys remember tilt to live it was huge in the joystick days we had like a couple of years where everybody was so deep in tilt to live cause it was you know what it was like it was kind of like the same vibe as like geometry wars which i don't know if it has ever had really its toilet moment but it was a great that was one like super crate box like early mobile thing that really.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Felt tilt to live is for people who have never seen it a shmup slash geometry wars old school arcade game where you are a little arrow and you don't actually have any offensive oh no you do get offensive moves you.

[Justin McElroy]

Know what's crazy it is so much like vampire survivors like it's it's almost exactly like vampire survivors except it is tilt based and so you're like avoiding a lot of other dots but you're like avoiding the enemies by tilting rather than shooting them but like theoretically it's.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot like vampire survivors i'll tell you what's missing from this list for me and maybe this would be a good sub for warioware is anything in the idle game sort of category and i don't know what that would i.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Mean we already said it game dev developer what is it gamedev stories not.

[Griffin McElroy]

One idle game that's like management sort of sim i'm talking more in the vein of like a melt melt idler fallout shelter cookie clicker something in that category i just don't know that there's a universally kind of like there isn't a slay the spire of that genre that comes to the top of my.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Mind yeah that's tough because i love universal paperclips but i wouldn't recommend it.

[Justin McElroy]

For this it's hard because for me idle so many idle games are like i know what you're saying though with checking back in on them periodically.

[Russ Frostyk]

But.

[Justin McElroy]

They'Re something i tend to have in the background rather than completely focus on.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Yeah i would check in on my idle games at the desk if i'm at an office i don't mind just popping it open taking a quick look doing two or three things i don't need a full bathroom break for it but it's a good instinct okay well let me tell people about the honorable mentions and why a lot of great games are there a problem that we ran into when coming up with this list of games is one a lot of the games aren't available anymore because i think a lot of these classics actually came out from the early days like drop seven and you just straight up cannot download it anymore do you know flight control just isn't on ios that's weird and then the other thing is games that are like kind of just console games that then got ported to mobile and they technically work but quite feel right so that's like the hotline miami super meat boy space there's still some stuff though that we can throw in so like hellsing's fire i think could maybe make a case here space invader infinity gene i don't think.

[Justin McElroy]

There'S real like looking at the list there's a lot of games i love on here but i don't know if chip chain do you guys get into chips was that one chip chain was.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great dungeon raid was a big one for me like that puzzle quest rpg puzzle sort of style thing but that's another one that like dungeon raid hasn't worked since like ios eleven came out.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Yeah i mean well this is the case for warioware inc staying in is that you can just play it forever.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can just play that one i.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Guess it will be there not necessarily part of our rubric but in a weird way it is i think they're important games even if they're not gonna.

[Griffin McElroy]

Win yeah i will say this about pokemon go it is a great sort of pick up and play small small form game and so i do think it belongs in the category i play a lot more pokemon tcg pocket let me tell you why that's great one if you wanna do a battle it has this short form battle mode where you can knock one of those out in the approved amount of time if not much faster but the big thing is in pokemon tcg pocket you get two packs every day free to open up and i tell you man there's been a pavlovian sort of instinct that has been trained into me as much as i love playing a short form game on a pocket i also really enjoy doing my video game chores on the toilet because it's like well i got nowhere else to go and it's been twenty four hours and i'm trying to complete this set so i'm gonna crack these two card packs open see what i get do a little wonder draw that slots into that window of time very very cleanly for me i know it's not as established as pokemon go so maybe the substitution doesn't work but i also think i'm the only one on this call who's ever played.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

It so yeah yeah i would keep pokemon go just for this adding tcg pocket to honorable mentions i think we can keep mega micro games for one big reason which is more and more of our listeners have emulator handhelds that they carry with them wherever and maybe there's a chance that they're bringing them into the loo it's possible but i want to get on the other side.

[Justin McElroy]

Of this they're in the pocket anyway pockets go in the loo there you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go two hands pretty frantic gameplay so you won't catch me playing that in there but i mean more power to us for giving it its flowers i.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Think pokemon go wins this round and will unlikely survive the next unhinged choice.

[Justin McElroy]

Truly unhinged truly truly demented by definition such a wild inclusion what do we.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Got next up we have threes a number versus wordle a word game damn.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean here's what i'm going to say merge maestro is like threes except with pandas and it's like and combo yeah combat and pandas and bugs and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sandwiches wordle if they released if they released a morning time wordle and then an after dinner wordle it would get me it would really get me where i needed it when i needed it for the block you know what i mean as it is now i could do one of my you know what i mean with the wordle waiting for me and that's great that's cool i love it a new word puzzle made for me by the bright minds at the new york times where where what is it censorship goes to die what's their thing that censorship dies in the dark they're making puzzles for me thank you two a day and we'd be in the money as it is now it'll get me half the time it.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Would be a shame for threes to get knocked out simply because it is on the same list as merge maestro a game that does staying well when threes has a long history of getting knocked off being ripped off yeah by being ripped off that would be a bit of a shame i do agree that wordle is maybe the only game on the list that's too short that you know i get that done and then my fix is like not i'm not sated i'm left wanting now i pop open you know downwell or whatever and then i'm frustrated because i'm halfway through downwell now i'm done and my whole timing's been thrown off yeah you.

[Justin McElroy]

Can be like me just be dumber.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Takes me longer that is the truth you know what i mean or this thing takes me longer i guess don't be so smart you move on to like the other new york times games right that's the problem if you finish wordle you go into the zone i.

[Justin McElroy]

Wish i could go backwards to something easier like wheel of fortune you know like can't hang with those other puzzles.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That'S exaggerating dude what do you want.

[Justin McElroy]

Me to do with those hexagon i.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do think a connections fits into the window a little bit more cleanly but i don't also i don't also people know when i've just like rachel knows when i've just played connections because i'll be like fucking stupid like she'll hear me say stuff like doesn't make any fu how the fuck was i supposed to know that wordle doesn't do that for me but connections definitely does can.

[Justin McElroy]

I can i make can i make a suggestion yeah sure i play this i play these games in an app called nyt games right yeah and i feel like a lot of people probably do that right i don't see why chess dot com yeah doesn't have to go up against nyt games.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That'S a fair point and i i think i'm.

[Justin McElroy]

Not because what you're saying because i think that the thing that i would say there is you are discounting the pat like what you're saying in that case is that chess does not the power of chess does not equal the power of like connections plus wordle plus whatever and i would say chess is a eight hundred pound gorilla in terms of like game but if you're talking about like the way they have taken these staples and made them like a toilet friendly experience it just seems like.

[Russ Frostyk]

We'Re making the orange box case at this point and i kind of agree.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I think it's different though because there.

[Justin McElroy]

Is the orange box on the toilet i would probably want to give it an award yeah if you really kicks.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Ass books that would be in the bathroom back when people kept books in the bathroom there'd always be like a collection of like hunter s thompson stories.

[Russ Frostyk]

Those books must be like the best things what those books paper gross fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

Gross yeah uncle john's bathroom style cover.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Some classic stories you would have like a sports almanac you know the funniest things that happen in sports in nineteen seventy four and then you would have a book of games and it would be like crossword puzzles mazes a whole bunch of other stuff this is making me feel very old but the game is saying it wasn't just one puzzle it was a whole bunch of variety of stuff so i maybe we should.

[Russ Frostyk]

Nominate that puzzle book okay okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I only ever go to the wordle website because i'm a hundred years old.

[Justin McElroy]

But.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do think you can play the wordle and the connections without having to subscribe to anything which is i think a mark in the column for yeah.

[Russ Frostyk]

I also think like if we're talking about chess dot com let's just include playing chess and not all the other.

[Griffin McElroy]

Features of it fuck that no way man the puzzles are so good i'm not gonna i'm not gonna change this.

[Justin McElroy]

Great i wanna reward the way that both of these have taken like these games and made them like more clicky.

[Griffin McElroy]

They'Re like modes and yeah but yeah.

[Russ Frostyk]

Come on wordle and like the crossword it's not modes of the same game they're completely different games chess if anything chess dot com modes of chess like effectively they're all it would be weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

If chess dot com was like and do you want to play some backgammon.

[Russ Frostyk]

Yeah yeah oh guess what the fucking pawn it moves fifty pieces now this.

[Justin McElroy]

Is what but okay but this is the i think but this is what i'm saying though chess has bullet and long like there's a lot of different variations of chess that i am arguing are at least as powerful as wordle you know and i will say this i was not thinking about the crossword i think the crossword does make it unfair because crossword is huge like crossword.

[Griffin McElroy]

That'S tough yeah here is so the category we are giving this is the new york times games apparently but only the free unsubscription free wordle connections maybe the one that's like a honeycomb crossword minis not full crosswords spelling bee connections wordle don't fuck with crosswords that's unfair.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Before we go any further the inclusion.

[Justin McElroy]

Of crossword minis is a nod to the fact that human beings defecate like crossword minis should be called humans poop.

[Russ Frostyk]

So maybe crossover mini should be the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let'S just pick that no way because that's nerd shit i don't fuck with that i play wordle and connections like a cool smart man do we think.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Threes has a chance here we have.

[Griffin McElroy]

We should give it to threes just so we don't have to keep fighting about this because it's been twenty five thirty minutes just talking about this i.

[Justin McElroy]

Love threes but it does not have the staying power that these other things do i mean like wordle i think threes is really really good but i think in terms of like okay i want to say one more other thing about wordle i was about to include you shouldn't play wordle in public it's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rude it is so rude someone will.

[Justin McElroy]

Say it's rude so if you are not playing it on the toilet i think you're being rude honestly because people.

[Russ Frostyk]

Could see yeah but the people are snooping on your phone that's rude nope.

[Justin McElroy]

If i'm i have to look at everyone's phone i'm a human being and if you're doing the wordle on there like i saw it already before i knew i should you know yeah yeah.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

It'S too late okay so wordle will wordle will win this round and then we will continue to win this round what mister wordle tear down this wordle okay next up we have a golf.

[Griffin McElroy]

Round yeah i see what's going on with the golf round i'm here for it we got what the golf and we have desert golfing i really think what the golf we sub with a super stick man golf something in that because i feel like that way way.

[Justin McElroy]

Better fits oh that's really good that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Way better fits i think it fits as a toilet game a whole lot better than what the golf which is for me such a it doesn't the genre's not even the same right like it's not an infinitely replayable sort of.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Grindable i hear you and i'm willing to concede this but what the golf is pop in for fifteen seconds and see whatever new twist the levels give you and they're all the user generated levels at this point it is very.

[Griffin McElroy]

Digestible but every game we've talked about at this point has sort of i don't know it has felt what the golf feels like packaged in a way that none of the other games we've.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Talked about i do think you're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know what you're saying it's a great game i just don't think of it as like i don't know in.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

This so super stick man golf we think for this i think that's fair.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean yeah we can just but do we need to specify like super stickman golf three i think is the latest noodle cake one is that right.

[Russ Frostyk]

I don't remember which yeah yeah i.

[Justin McElroy]

Don'T oh man i really feel like these are like service enough that i don't think you need to differentiate they're.

[Russ Frostyk]

All great for what it's worth there's no bad stuff super stick man golf okay i think the first one was called stick my golf and that's anyway yeah i'm gonna go to bat harder for desert golfing than i think i've ever done in this i can't fucking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait man go off king yeah i'm.

[Russ Frostyk]

At i just looked it up hole ten thirty four in desert golfing now.

[Justin McElroy]

Ten thirty four what holes holes desert.

[Russ Frostyk]

Golfing for those that aren't aware are you about to beat it that's a very good question justin no i am not desert golfing is a effectively randomly generated golfing game where you basically try to get the ball in a hole it's side scrolling and you try to get the ball in the hole and when you do it scrolls on to the next hole and that happens forever effectively i think at one point you hit a lake but it requires about thirty years of your life and it just keeps going and going and going and when i'm stuck in the subway or when i'm sometimes on the toilet this is a game that i turn to it doesn't require internet it works great on every single phone of the last fifty years and i am incredibly passionate about it now there is a sequel called golf on mars which i also really really like the sequel is more involved because you can put spin on your shots and like backspin and front spin etcetera so i actually would not prefer it from a toilet standpoint i think the original is better for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Toilets but because it's i want to.

[Justin McElroy]

Address something and i know we're not doing a video show but i had it installed so i want to check so this is portrait mode but can i play i can play this with one hand one hundred percent yes so this would you griffin think that you can wipe in game with this would you feel okay about this i mean.

[Griffin McElroy]

If i was a nasty dog who wiped and gamed at the same time.

[Justin McElroy]

Because i sorry you were really adamant earlier i didn't want to we have some confusion here if we could run it yeah you were really adamant earlier that you love to wipe a game and you can't live without it because you have to have one hand free to wipe while you game so i was just wondering if this met the.

[Griffin McElroy]

If i allow myself even for a moment to not be a part of one of these incredible virtual worlds then everything's going to fucking fall apart for me psychologically i need to be constantly in tamriel or hyrule or one of these wonderful imaginary imagined worlds because if i start to really confront my own reality with both hands then i'm gonna i'll freak the fuck out so yeah no i don't wipe in game yes i do love a simple one touch control scheme though thank you so much justin that does make it a better bathroom game it does make it a better bathroom game cause i can't fucking move the screen around and control the hit of my shot and pick my power up so and all this shit while keeping a hand free that's a really good point justin and you've made the case for desert golfing for me.

[Russ Frostyk]

I would also add unlike super stickman golf it doesn't fucking matter for desert golfing you're just on there for the vibe the desert golfing vibe.

[Griffin McElroy]

I i've.

[Russ Frostyk]

Said enough i think i've said enough.

[Justin McElroy]

We gotta make it part of the show like that part was in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Though it's so unavoidable that there is a guy mister driller lives that's the next game on the list is mister driller lives fucking above russ and he's like you talking about shitter games let me get up on this let me.

[Justin McElroy]

Drill down to you brother i think this has gotta be desert golfing a super stickman golf is a lot of fun but i actually for me the highlights of that experience are playing in a group of people and i'm not there guys i can't i can't do.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

It sorry fair okay great i feel good about this the last round or the last showdown of round one tiny wings versus angry birds now we're getting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some real fun this is okay this.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Is a tough one because where is your heart and where is your mind tiny wings is one of my favorite mobile games maybe game games of all time it is zen made real this is a game where you just go up and down little hills and as you fly through the air you dive bomb into the curve of the hill to gain speed and then shoot back up the next little mountain back down and up and down and up to one of the great songs from video games the song is just perfect it.

[Justin McElroy]

Is i'll also mention my friends great news here you can go to the designer's website and actually play this game in browser like immediately for free right now you can just go check it out if you want you go to search tiny wings you'll see the designer's website i believe it's andreaslinger andreas illinger sorry i doubled the s there but yeah if you go to his website you can play it it's i love tiny wings i like tiny wings a.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Lot it's going up against angry birds which is the big mainstream hit they turned it into movies i've now heard that the second movie is great but it's still good like let's be real even if it is kind of a ripoff of whatever that crushed the castle or whatever it was and even if it's really popular there's a reason angry birds has become dominant for over a decade that sega wants to buy this thing because it's really fun to throw blocks throw stuff at towers of blocks boom blocks steven spielberg figured it out with the wii angry birds perfected it and we've been chasing that thrill ever since so i don't think we can.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just have we been chasing that thrill ever since is my point about angry birds because i saw gone now the.

[Justin McElroy]

Rest of us moved on to other things every couple years i get a.

[Griffin McElroy]

You tried that new angry birds they're in space now and i'll fucking dip into it you know what fuck angry birds wow cut the rope now that's a bathroom game now that's a bathroom that's a bathroom game it's portrait mode one finger and you know that's important to me but also it's a bathroom game and you can dip in and you do a puzzle or two i can't tell anymore if russ is thinking about what i'm saying praying to jesus christ or listening to the drills upstairs if you just cymbal with your fingers which one of those is the correct answer none of them none of oh it's the drills yeah i think cut the rope would be a better oh he's got a little korok fell off the wall i think because of the intensity of the drilling that is what happened that's amazing they're really going to town on russ apartment so what i'm.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Hearing is not only are you already dismissing angry birds right off the bat you are saying shouldn't even be in.

[Griffin McElroy]

The round i'm saying it fucking peaked a long time ago angry birds in my mind is equivalent to when we all got phones for the first time it was like check this out it's a lightsaber or check it out it looks like i'm drinking a beer drinking a beer yeah that's about whoa did.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

You check out that new fart app.

[Griffin McElroy]

It sounds like fartpiano biz cut the rope is different that's a thinking man's.

[Justin McElroy]

Game it doesn't matter because it's gonna lose to tiny wings tiny wings is one of the best games ever made tiny wings is so good that i missed god i miss having leaderboards on phones that i gave a shit about it was the greatest to have a tiny wing score and then have someone beat it and then that was your day i i love tiny wings so much that i retired from tiny wings because no one got close and then someone beat me and then i made a song about coming out of retirement that is still on my youtube if you go look for it called the million point man to the tune of a scissor sisters song and i love i love tiny wings that much and i really really really miss having leaderboards where i got to see people beat my scores and i could compete against their scores we are talking about chess.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Dot com question mark yeah baby bathroom games i just want to make sure that we're sticking to the rubric here because yes i agree tiny wings is a better game than both angry birds and cut the rope make your case nobody's made the case that it's great.

[Justin McElroy]

In the bathroom yet who tiny wings yeah okay so tiny wings is.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

The.

[Justin McElroy]

Runs are perfect length for bathroom but it is also one of those games.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where it makes a child a five year old boy who wandered onto our podcast for take youe boy to work.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Day please it's a no please tell me more about the runs okay got.

[Justin McElroy]

It when you start swooping it goes really smooth so if you hit the curve just right the curve of the please so you'll see a curve it's almost like a bowl shape so as you're going down it has to hit the edge of the bowl chris it swoops up through the air and then.

[Griffin McElroy]

Splashes down i'm greg miller by the way i've been greg miller this whole episode i sound a little bit like griffin but he didn't want to be associated with this particular episode so i'm actually greg it's good to know thanks.

[Justin McElroy]

Greg it's not my fault i have.

[Griffin McElroy]

To work with these puerile children yeah i'm fine with tiny wings moving moving on yeah it's great and you can.

[Justin McElroy]

Still play it you can go play it right now it still works it's.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Great okay welcome back everybody we have all taken that potty break and we are ready to narrow down eight of these games we are going to do four showdowns starting with chess dot com versus wordle our chance to really smooth out whatever this debate is over the new york times games app versus chess.

[Justin McElroy]

Dot com question mark guys while i was in the bathroom i do have a late entry i just wanted to bring up who shot johnny rock now who shot johnny rock is a sega cd classic and i was just playing it all its whole guys i was having the time of my life i was a hard boiled dick with a nose for crime and this is real actors in this guys this isn't video game graphics and pac man yeah these.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are like chess dot com out of here put in who shot johnny rock i think it beats wordle soundly okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I think even if who shot dynamock.

[Griffin McElroy]

Out of this if you looped in wordle if you looped in connections and fucking the big crossword the sunday crossword the wednesday crossword whatever the fuck i still think chess dot com takes it with a bullet wow so for the first time the man who doesn't know.

[Justin McElroy]

What day the big crossword is published.

[Griffin McElroy]

Haven'T done a crossword i have very firm opinions in my life haven't done a new york times crossword but you know they get bigger he knows they.

[Justin McElroy]

Get bigger maybe because he said wednesday too so maybe he does chess dot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Com every has got a lot of different ways to play chess a lot of different time factors to play chess no matter what you're getting better at chess your rankings going up it all.

[Russ Frostyk]

Feeds back into argument's sake what if i'm like not super into chess then.

[Griffin McElroy]

Play the computer at like difficulty four hundred and beat the shit out of it and feel like the world smartest.

[Russ Frostyk]

Smart actually it is pretty good yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You could watch training videos and hear some of the most eastern european people you've ever heard in your entire life these people couldn't get more eastern in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Europe if they tried get looped in on the latest drama with these swedish twenty somethings who almost certainly have got some skeletons in their closet and listen to them tell you about you know their new crazy gambit they've got going.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

On it an iron chess winner we have a winner for round that's really.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great chris that's just what you sound.

[Justin McElroy]

Like thank you griff i know that i had your back for this initially for this chess dot com thing because i really did want to give the excellent chess dot com it's plaudits but it is not i have to be honest and say it is not fair this thing is a social media network for nerds like you cannot compare it against one i one game right here's.

[Russ Frostyk]

What here's what i'm gonna give it i'm gonna allow whatever the core chess experience is on chess dot com but yeah we can't give it every feature.

[Griffin McElroy]

Encompass it was just chess and the.

[Russ Frostyk]

Puzzles and i'll give you boa chess whatever that is the fastest things that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Come back i don't i don't play a lot of that's too stressful for a toilet experience i can't give you.

[Russ Frostyk]

The puzzles i'm sorry i can't do.

[Griffin McElroy]

It i would rather do the puzzles i would rather just do the puzzles.

[Justin McElroy]

Chess puzzles on chess dot com i will grant you because those are fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

As hell fine deal you pick them up you play them you're chicken it.

[Justin McElroy]

Would have won in the last round too for the record i don't think it changes anything but i think it should be refined to that that we.

[Russ Frostyk]

Could talk okay so and we're putting up against one game in the new.

[Justin McElroy]

York times can i can i actually speak on chess puzzles on chess dot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Com real quick sure please please when.

[Justin McElroy]

You start learning chess you understand the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rules of chess i still don't get.

[Justin McElroy]

Castling but yeah fairly quickly right like castling is always a little bit dicey and i honestly still have to look at a picture whenever i'm putting the pieces out to remember what order they go in so whatever but and when.

[Griffin McElroy]

En passant we all forget about en passant and no one en passant yes.

[Justin McElroy]

What is cool about the puzzles on chess dot com is that they help you realize that there is in fact a it helps you to start seeing the things that will actually help you improve at the game and help you to understand what makes chess cool on a very digestible level right because you are being presented with all the other noise is gone and you can just look at one little thing and say okay if you're in this exact scenario.

[Russ Frostyk]

It'S a red zone play you're watching someone's at the six yard line not to make a sports analogy someone's at the six yard line what do they do to get into the end zone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure rather than seeing the whole bill amazing move that you are having to make now i hate to fucking bring this up with you fucking inexplicable sticklers but there is the chess puzzles mode where you're going through the grinding you're raising your ranking and you're doing these little puzzles but then there's also the daily puzzle that's like this is from the famous kasparov versus whatever match that's the way you figure out what kasparov.

[Russ Frostyk]

Did this moment same i think i would group them together okay well i.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think it's infinite and i think it's infinitely replayable and pursuable and definitely something i come back to more often than.

[Russ Frostyk]

Than the wordle checkers dot com though.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I go back to my big issue with wordle which is it's too short wordle is too short it's too short when you're playing it one time and it's also just once a day so.

[Justin McElroy]

I checkers dot com does go to rally stock i'm sorry i thought i was joking but it doesn't it is too short and if we're gonna penalize games for being too long you can't get it done in a wordle if you do you're not you need to improve at one of them one of them needs to get better or change one of them's going wrong.

[Griffin McElroy]

So i mean chess then i guess so chess.

[Justin McElroy]

Puzzles on chess the new kid on.

[Russ Frostyk]

The block chess moves on great a.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Big moment for chess next up we have the ios android showdown of the century pokemon go versus marvel snap yeah.

[Russ Frostyk]

I'Ll handle this one so i'm not a big marvel snap fan i feel like it's a little too rng like luck based but i fully grant that for everyone that doesn't live in a metropolitan area pokemon go being a toilet game is a fucking joke and it will not work so i don't want to rule out for all the people that live in various places not even like middle of nowhere like a suburb.

[Justin McElroy]

If you fly over states and move on just say flyover states it's what you mean russ if people in the flyover states can't appreciate shitting while they.

[Russ Frostyk]

Catch pokemon if you live in skokie it's not going to be a good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Time no or any most city almost every city yeah if you don't work in a downtown office building in a major major city then it's not a it simply isn't a toilet game it's.

[Justin McElroy]

A moving around game meanwhile marvel snap was so good the first time on the toilet i think there was a bit of collective insanity that sit in where we all kind of felt like maybe we just play this maybe we only play marvel snap and that's the only thing anybody plays for a bit and it's perfect on the toilet and guy i did really love there was a few months there where if you went to a bathroom there was like a one out of five chance that you were gonna hear some very distinct noises that you knew like where you almost want to congratulate a nice nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Paul nice paul you guys fucking center lane bro don't let don't let magneto push you around don't let him push you around dude i yeah if that gave it had a lesson offensive sort of progression structure to it i think i there was a point where i bounced off of it when they're like yeah you can play get that season pass or just give you this shiny miles morales carve if you give us twenty bucks and i was like out of principle marvel snap i must away.

[Justin McElroy]

I must away now i'm going to ding it for more like what your point about the meta is actually i think a really huge knock against it where i think the fun of that game it got eaten up by obsessives that wanted more more more more more and like faster changes and shit like the same i felt like happened with you know hearthstone or anything else that has like a very vocal fan base where if you try to check in back on it you're like on the bathroom you got a few minutes to kill you try to check back in on it forget about it you're gonna be watching packs open for five minutes like for you're not gonna even play.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Yeah so i'm realizing we have a bit of a problem here which is it seems like neither of these games really belongs in our top five i.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think marvel snap does i think marvel.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Snap snap you are okay with it.

[Justin McElroy]

Even when for sure one hundred percent.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was a short i don't play it as much anymore but marvel snap is one where if i started to hear through the grapevine like hey everyone's playing marvel snap again it's actually really good now i would be fucking thrilled.

[Justin McElroy]

To get so marvelous they should honestly drop a two or something drop a deuce if they dropped a second marvel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Snap pokemon go i think is also fine and i will also come back to that one pretty frequently it's just simply not a toilet friend it is an out and about exploring the city walking around got it got it got.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

It got it got it okay next up marvel snap by the way won that round next up we have desert golfing versus merge maestro couldn't be more.

[Griffin McElroy]

Different truly yeah one is an extraordinarily crunchy sort of experience and one is desert golfing all vibes all vibes i've never been able to i like desert golfing i like it on principle it's not even in the top five golfing experiences realists i would want to have.

[Russ Frostyk]

On a toilet if buddha played an ios game it would be desert golfing.

[Justin McElroy]

So keep that in mind for me though it is a meditative experience that's what i mean but that's a problem because it's not a meditative experience it's the toilet you're in there to do a job you know what i mean you don't want to zone out like you you you need something that says you're done like the time has ended right i need how long do you go to the bathroom one snap like.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I don't know one snaps worth griffin and justin you made this great decision years ago which was to go out into the world and run your own business and get far away from corporate america and i think because of that you have not had to have the experience where you are six and a half hours into the workday and you have experienced actual hell you have seen the maw of satan itself and you just need five ten fucking minutes to go and lose touch with reality and you don't smoke and it's too cold outside and you find yourself on the toilet and you're just like please give me the zen give me the peace.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me just okay so i'm gonna say a couple things to you right.

[Griffin McElroy]

You do your thing first and then i also would let me start with.

[Justin McElroy]

One is my first thing is i have two children so you can go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eat a justin said my hope you.

[Justin McElroy]

Literally light this shit on fire and eat it you think i don't need to the idea that i would have to be a toilet the idea that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would have to be a corporate drone to have a reason to dissociate on the toilet is one of the.

[Justin McElroy]

More offensive things you've said to unethical it's an ethical issue that you violated here we just talked you're over here.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I don't need a zen you're over here telling me i don't need a zen i live this magical life where i don't need to be the buddha on the potty and it sounds like.

[Griffin McElroy]

You do need to be the buddha.

[Justin McElroy]

On the potty no no no no no no plant you understand sometimes my kids are so bad i need two snaps you know but i need to choose i need to stay they've been so bad daddy needs two snaps today you know.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'Ll text sometimes i'll be like hey juice how's everything going and he'll be like is it a two snap day i'll be like damn dude hang in there don't let him bring you down yeah for real for real for real also if buddha played an ios game it would be peter molyneux's curiosity what's inside the box i think.

[Justin McElroy]

We could all agree and that would.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be on this list if not for the fact that they beat it yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

They beat him or buddha would join me in my number one toilet experience money solitaire because that's what i play on the toilet all the time that's.

[Griffin McElroy]

All i play okay okay okay merge maestro what's the case for fucking rules man i know this is recency bias but it truly of the games i have played this year it's the best ios game i played this year by a country mile it's just so perfect for the format of what we are describing i think it's i didn't have the words for what merge maestro was until we started to do this and.

[Justin McElroy]

Now i don't feel this way i so rarely feel this way about video games anymore but i this is not a toilet experience but i was in a very boring line this weekend at great wolf lodge and i was waiting to check in and i turn on that game and it really was like i just felt the time melt it just disappeared and once the game was done i was perfectly satisfied and i felt like i'd had a great experience it's like the perfect combo so just.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

To confirm you were taking a shit while you were online at the great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wolf lodge i'm gonna guess you were in the dunkin donuts line in the morning or waiting to get into the.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Sound like you were on the potty.

[Griffin McElroy]

First thing i did clarify that beforehand.

[Justin McElroy]

You may have forgotten how you forgot that i have kids a few minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ago they're pretty adorable too and fundamentally forgot that kids sometimes make you dissociate.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

An act of okay okay okay so what if i'm translating this right hoops what you're saying is in a way merge maestro is it's giving you both it's both got that crunchy game and it's helping you dissociate helping that time.

[Justin McElroy]

Pass by it's got both it's helping you help the time pass but it's also paced to where it's digestible and you feel like you've gotten a complete.

[Griffin McElroy]

Experience and also they're drilling so much at russ's apartment he can't talk to defend desert golfing and so like so it seems like a waste time right.

[Justin McElroy]

Now yeah congratulations to merge maestro he.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Wants to he wants to say something he wants to be like but it's boring and that's fine no i've seen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some videos of russ nasty shit on merge maestro i know he knows he can grimace all he wants he knows.

[Russ Frostyk]

Now they are both great i do have a fine is for merge mero that is true.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That makes it easy next so merge meister wins yeah merge.

[Justin McElroy]

Meister wins tiny wings versus downwell it's a tough one actually this one's really g like both of these are exactly scratching the same i will say that what down well for me the immediate like pros and cons tiny wings had that like very sticky leaderboard thing that actually made you want to go to the bathroom because it's like you would notice when you weren't in the bathroom it's like okay i'm going to need a few minutes let me hit the bathroom real quick but downwell the variability in the weapons and stuff didn't make like every run feel a lot like you really wanted to see the next combo and it made it like really.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Hooky downwell has a problem that no other game on this final grouping has which is there is an end to downwell i did beat downwell in the bathroom and after that did i have a desire to play more downwell in the bathroom no because i was finished with it where tiny wings i'm still playing tiny wings today you know it's never been taken off my iphone but i don't think i have downwell on my phone at this point.

[Griffin McElroy]

But is it downwall goes up and down and tiny wings go side to side and for me the toilet a toilet game goes up and down and that's hard that is hard for me to move past and you can say all you want about gaming and wiping but toilet.

[Justin McElroy]

Games should go up and down i feel like i toilet games should go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Up and down they shouldn't go side.

[Justin McElroy]

To side and you know why so.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you don't need me to explain why thank you justin yeah no yeah tiny wings it does go the bird goes up sometimes but primarily we are talking about a left to right act.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

You know i feel pretty good about downwell going in for that reason because i think there's something beautiful about all four of the winners of round two going up and down and not side to side i also think we could.

[Griffin McElroy]

Easily bring tiny wings up and then.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I think we bring tiny wings in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fifth place spoiler i love this i.

[Justin McElroy]

Think that is more than fair let's do it okay slam dunks the four.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Games that we know are moving on are chess dot com chess puzzles can.

[Griffin McElroy]

We just say chess dot com and know we're talking about the chess puzzles it feels insane to have something so asterisked out on this list i would.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually disagree because the first time it was chess dot com and in the second round it was chess dot com quote s chess puzzles so i do think the distinction is important for posterity.

[Griffin McElroy]

It just feels like we're talking about an activity at that point like at this point we should consider like looking at old pictures of some friends you had in college is my favorite toilet.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Game moving forward for posterity is chess dot com quote s chess puzzles marvel snap merge maestro downwell and then we need to pick a fifth and we should have the conversation because chinese wings could desert golfing is right there i don't want to you know rush to take that game off the board.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah tiny wings just has more just for me i feel like tiny wings has more broad support amongst the group but.

[Griffin McElroy]

That'S just me that's certainly my feeling.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

That'S me too that makes it three and fresh can't be heard right now so we're just going to assume that.

[Justin McElroy]

He'S well if we're going passion for passion i have a lot of passion for tiny wings he's got a lot of passion for desert golfing cancels out just got to go with a better game and that is let me see if russ disagrees he's nodding tiny wings he's saying oh yeah the drill just.

[Griffin McElroy]

Comes through his seat let me say.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

This.

[Griffin McElroy]

I adore merge maestro when we look at the games on this list i feel like we gotta put it at five just because it is sort of the young buck and it hasn't earned its bathroom stripes i would put.

[Justin McElroy]

Chess dot com quote s chess puzzles in that slot honestly i think it's really crazy it's a really smart really inventive way of making chess digestible but it is the sort of experience that like after you do it a little bit it's kind of frustrating and sometimes it takes too long and sometimes it's annoying it's not done the variability or the fun it's not as addictive as.

[Griffin McElroy]

The burnout i'd ask this juice have you played it since they remodeled how all the chess puzzles and all the ranking and score chasing and stuff works because it is more gamey now it is less sort of like a yep thank you welcome it is more gamey it is more leaderboardy it is more i don't know it feels more like a game than you know do these little oh this is good yeah i mean it's gonna get you i don't.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Have a whole lot of religion here on these two i like them both at five and four that feels good to me so mermaid maestro at five.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh wait we have a break in the drawing break in the drawing to.

[Russ Frostyk]

Say i think marvel snap should be higher on the list like five.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh.

[Russ Frostyk]

And i'm gonna bust through the join just to say this because it's a pvp game and you're kind of at the whims of like that's true you.

[Justin McElroy]

Could go to the bathroom not have.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

A good experience yeah also we've said that like we are not thrilled with.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where it's at right now yeah no very true it's the game i've played the least recently of these five the least the most not recent five marvel.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Snapshots top four merge maestro three chess dot com quote s chess puzzles we feel good about all that.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then we just get back to tiny wings v downwell again because it seems like we've made our feelings known about this.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

I think we have i think this is actually gonna come together very quickly this is man the rubric was on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Point who knew not me i thought it was dirty dog water but now.

[Justin McElroy]

I know i'm gonna wait hold on a second this can't be right no.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'Ve swapped tiny wings and down wait.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Downwell yeah no you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right that was my mistake that was my mistake people couldn't see what happened i swapped i may have let my heart speak and put tiny wings at number one which definitely would not make sense considering it only barely.

[Justin McElroy]

Back in just recently lost to dallas yes that's not right marles snap merge maestro.

[Russ Frostyk]

I am surprised that chess puzzles.

[Griffin McElroy]

Didn'T go higher it's crazy to me it's my number it's my it's probably my number one but i know it.

[Justin McElroy]

Ain'T gonna get there sorry guys i have to say if i could just show you this interface that we're looking.

[Russ Frostyk]

At here is the ux win at.

[Justin McElroy]

This point it's no you see like rankings like you can see how your friends are doing in the puzzles like in their journey you can see how far they've come like you can see where they are on the path you could see how your friends are comparing to you like look we've got a little journey here that's showing my progress.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

On the chess puzzle nice friends looks.

[Justin McElroy]

Like it too right it's like a fully formed thing it's like a fully.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Formed thing looks like a little mobile game puzzle game but with like chess cutesy chess art and if we took.

[Griffin McElroy]

Away this arbitrary restriction that you fucking narcs put on it saying you can't have the rest of the chess in there this thing would be number one i do believe just in sheer tonnage of the offering but that's just me i'm happy with it a third place finish if that's where it lands all.

[Russ Frostyk]

Right i'm also submitting steam the entire steam library if that's okay is that.

[Justin McElroy]

Appropriate i'm also submitting steam pouring out of the pipe in russ's ceiling that was recently drilled through it looks like oh it's all plaster and steam just boiling out of there i like this list it's a great list thanks so much for listening thanks so much can.

[Griffin McElroy]

You give it to us one more time because there was some confusion at the end christopher okay so the very.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Final list is number five marvel snap number four merge maestro number three chess dot com quote s chess puzzles number two tiny wings number one downwell yes.

[Justin McElroy]

And number six who shot johnny rock on sega cd thank you so much to everybody who made a game this year you all really left it all out in the field congratulations thanks to our supporting the besties we genuinely appreciate you so much thank you thank you.

[Christopher Thomas Plant]

Oh and you should check out the blog post because we're going to include a ton of honorable mentions so many more great games that you can play.

[Justin McElroy]

On the body that's going to do it for us until next time be sure to join us again for the besties because shouldn't the world's best friends play the world's best games.

[Griffin McElroy]

Besties.