The Besties — "Cairn Is a Climbing Game for the Real Ones"

Podcast: The Besties
Hosts: Griffin McElroy, Justin McElroy (absent), Chris Plante, Russ Frushtick
Date: January 29, 2026

Overview

In this episode, The Besties crew dives deep into Cairn, a new rock climbing simulator that’s both punishingly realistic and, at times, unexpectedly hilarious. They also discuss the deeply evocative narrative adventure Perfect Tides: Station to Station, share digressions into retro game randomizers, and riff on live Taskmaster events and upcoming releases. The episode balances technical game talk with the group's trademark humor and candid banter.

Cairn: A Real Climber's Game

First Impressions, Learning Curve, and Chalk Mishaps

• The show opens with a comedic riff on the game’s inclusion of chalk as a prop, poking fun at Griffin’s obsession with cleanliness, and misunderstanding of proper chalk application.
• [00:00] Griffin: "I don't like a lot of mess. And so all the chalk while playing Cairn is getting all over my raw Gal ix. It's getting all over my pants. It's getting all over my couch. It's getting fricking everywhere."
• [00:49] Chris: "So you're actually only supposed to use the chalk on your hands...not supposed to fully disrobe and cover your entire body in chalk."
• [01:03] Russ: Humorously references watching Alex Honnold free-climbing with "butt crack leverage" and speculates about "a skosh of gold bond" being necessary for grip ([01:31]).

The Besties' Award: "Worst Imaginable Game While Iced Into Your House"

• [02:22] Griffin: "I'm gonna go ahead and give it the besties award for worst imaginable game to play while iced into your house with your two children. It is Cairn."
• Cairn’s core: a challenging, sometimes punishing, rock climbing sim with systems for hunger, thirst, and survival.

What Is Cairn? Genre and Mechanics

• [03:07] Chris: "Some people are calling it the latest strand game. I'm calling it a climbing, bouldering, rock climbing simulation. You put one foot and one hand in front of the other and you go up a mountain."
• Compared to "Baby Steps" and Bennett Foddy-style games; not as overtly humorous, but just as exacting and awkward.
• Ava, the protagonist, is "hugely unlikable for quite a bit of the game" ([03:44] Griffin), paralleling real climbing culture.

Climbing as Puzzle, Survival as Friction

• [05:57] Griffin: "The climbing mechanics...are the fucking star of the show. I feel like clearly the thing that the most thought and effort went into...just an accomplishment."
• Real climbing’s intricacies: Endurance, pitons (the group debates the correct pronunciation throughout), stamina, and physics.
• Multiple routes, physical constraints (body placement, twisted limbs), and realistic risk management.
• [07:11] Russ: Spotlights the survival layer: "There is a whole survival element...you're also making sure your hunger meter is filled up...Same thing with water."

Critique: Is Survival Necessary?

• All hosts agree survival mechanics are needlessly punishing, overwhelming, and best toggled off unless you're "hardcore."
• [09:17] Chris: Compares to "Baby Steps": "When you have this mode on, it is weirdly encouraging you to consider going back down to get other things."
• Resonates with "Death Stranding" for punishing, tension-building "delivery"-like systems.

Discovery, Route Planning, and Emergent Problem-Solving

• Finding alternative paths, maps drawn by other (fictional) climbers, and coping with "false peaks."
• [10:38] Griffin: "The main thing...is like routing out where you are going to go. Right. Sometimes while exploring the world, you'll find a map...and it will show you kind of potential lines and their respective difficulty settings. That's great."

Controls and Accessibility

• Fiddly limb-by-limb control (you don’t operate two limbs at once), but auto-mode is recommended.
• Stamina isn’t a physical meter, but conveyed through animation, screen shake, and rumble.
• [13:07] Griffin: Suggests using "foot placement feedback" for accessibility.

Climber Culture, Physics, and Community

• Authenticity shines for bouldering enthusiasts.
• Janky-but-believable physics: Moments where the model corrects itself feel "technically huge."

Progression, Character, and (Debated) Writing

• Story and protagonist feel "isolated, individualistic" ([15:47] Griffin), perhaps missing emotional engagement.
• Noted possible later-game arc, but unclear.

Endurance Modes & Extras

• "Free Solo" mode: No ropes or pitons; permadeath.
  • [17:52] Griffin: "There’s going to be some speedrun travesties...I’m very, very excited to see those.”
• Shoutout to "White Knuckle" for a more arcadey, minimalist spin on the climbing genre.

Final Takeaways

• [18:45] Griffin: “What’s your guys takeaway on Cairn? Do you think you’re going to stick with it as we move on to the next game?”
• Mixed feelings: Fantastic climbing sim, but survival elements and lack of emotional connection make it tough to stick with for all but climbing die-hards.
• Runs decently on handhelds like ROG Ally X, but struggles on Steam Deck ([19:18]).

B Segment: Perfect Tides – Station to Station

Introduction & Setting

• [21:40] Chris: Introduces "Perfect Tides: Station to Station" as a sequel to "Perfect Tides" — a memoir-like, narrative-heavy adventure set in 2003 Manhattan.
• Evokes nostalgia for lost NYC places; Chris relates personally as a longtime resident/student in that era.

Gameplay, Narrative, and Style

• Strongly authored narrative (not much player agency over plot, but freedom in how you spend in-game time, like what books to read).
• Develops Mara’s stats like "knowledge of music, anarchy, sex" by time spent and reading; these feed back into narrative choices and essay-writing.
• [25:57] Chris: Compared to "Disco Elysium" but "with zero stakes" — you may do poorly on an essay, but won’t fail out of the game.
• Richly detailed pixel art evokes 1990s PC and Sega CD games; compared to "Scott Pilgrim Beat 'em Up", "Willie Beamish", and early "South Park" ([27:26] Griffin).

Literary Narration

• Unique narrative voice: a third-person view that feels like older, wiser Mara/creator Meredith Gran, sometimes in conversation with her younger self.
• Captures transitional moments of young adulthood — balancing deep, often awkward "slices of life."
  • [30:26] Griffin (paraphrasing Chris): "Sashimi plate of slices of life."
• Available on PC/Mac now, Switch later this year.

Mailbag & Digressions

Game Genie Deep Dive

[30:53]-[32:19]

• Listener JMAN 1980 explains how Game Genie works: "The codes are actually just memory, address and values...every time the game tries to reduce Dick Tracy's health, the game genie is like, 'I got you.'"
• Group ponders how you'd find special powers like "flying Mario" in code.

Fable's "Office-Style Cutaways"

• Notable mail: Fable series to include "Office-style cutaways." Griffin: "It is so hard for humor to exist in a manner in which the game will stop and say, here comes and now here comes some humor. It's like, that's crazy, guys." ([33:12])
• Hosts are dubious; Griffin: "Fable doesn't have...the main character looks at you and is like, 'extra crispy.' Like he's not Bubsy, he's not Gex.”

Bonus Roundups

Taskmaster Live ([34:50]-[37:27])

• Russ shares his experience attending Taskmaster Live in NYC—audience participation, major comedy guests (Alex Moffat, Lisa Gilroy, Jason Mantzoukas), and the fun energy of the stage show.

Zelda Randomizers, Mods, and N64 Nostalgia ([37:29]-[46:13])

• Griffin details his "Trial by Fieri" Majora’s Mask randomizer stream prep, the technical marvels of current day randomizer communities (esp. Archipelago), and his love for new PC-native versions of N64 classics.
• [41:51] Griffin: "You can do that with...Hollow Knight and Pokemon Red and Blue and Microsoft Paint. There’s like checks in Microsoft Paint."

Banjo-Kazooie PC Port

• Chris plugs "Banjo Recompiled," a native PC version of Banjo-Kazooie (including mods for Ocarina of Time worlds), running gorgeously on modern hardware.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [00:11] Chris: "You're so clean."
• [05:57] Griffin: “The climbing mechanics...are the fucking star of the show.”
• [14:49] Russ: "Yeah, it feels very much targeted to them [actual climbers]."
• [21:02] Russ: "Actually parachute in."
• [27:19] Griffin: "I fucking love the way this game looks, man."
• [33:12] Griffin: "It is so hard for humor to exist in a manner in which the game will stop and say, 'here comes and now here comes some humor.'"
• [39:47] Russ: "Can you guarantee that [Majora's Mask] will be completable when you do the randomization?"
• [48:21] Russ: "Griffin, this is a gift that you've given me that maybe dwarfs any other gift that you've ever given me." (re: Dragon Quest VII next week)
• [49:42] Chris: Anecdote about getting an "A" for being toasted in journalism seminar.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:22 — Cairn's chalk mishaps & intro
• 03:07–09:17 — Climbing mechanics & survival systems in Cairn
• 10:38–15:38 — Exploration, routing, and player experience
• 15:38–17:52 — Realism, story, “free solo mode”
• 18:45–20:16 — Final thoughts & technical performance of Cairn
• 21:14–30:48 — Perfect Tides: Station to Station deep dive
• 30:52–34:45 — Mailbag: Game Genie, Fable, and joke mechanics
• 34:50–37:29 — Taskmaster Live
• 37:29–46:32 — Majora’s Mask randomizer, Archipelago, N64 nostalgia
• 46:32–50:16 — Wrap up, plugs, and Dragon Quest VII tease for next week

Closing

The episode delivers The Besties' balance of detailed, lively game critique with tangential humor and genuine friendship. Cairn earns the “real ones” subtitle for its climbing sim authenticity, even as its prickly survival systems split the panel. Perfect Tides gets a glowing recommendation for story lovers and nostalgia hounds. Listeners are invited back next week for Dragon Quest VII and more.

Next Time:
"Dragon Quest VII" remake, embargoes lifting, and likely more randomizer/retro talk!