2025 NFL Teams as Classic Action Movies, With Kyle Brandt and Joe House

Summary

Podcast Summary: "2025 NFL Teams as Classic Action Movies"

The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guests: Kyle Brandt & Joe House
Date: August 25, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this highly entertaining and uniquely themed episode, Bill Simmons, joined by Kyle Brandt and Joe House, executes a deep-dive NFL preview by pairing every 2025 NFL team with a classic action movie from the ‘80s and ‘90s. The trio “draft” movies and teams, assigning perfect, sometimes hilarious, cinematic analogies to each franchise, reflecting expectations, team personas, and storylines for the season ahead. Spirited debate, classic movie nostalgia, and sharp NFL insights abound.

The episode is as much a nostalgic romp through the VHS era as it is a sharp, often comedic, prelude to the new NFL year.

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Main Sections & Key Discussion Points

1. The Gimmick: NFL Teams as Action Flicks

[05:06–08:00]

• Bill introduces the “ridiculous gimmick” of pairing all 32 NFL teams with action movies from 1984–1996.
• Each of the three takes turns picking the team/movie combo in "draft" style, with key rules:
  • No movie can be used twice
  • Some “A level” movies (Die Hard, T2, Lethal Weapon) are off-limits for fairness
  • Four “divisions” of action stars: Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Seagal/Van Damme, and a Wild Card
  • Participants explain their logic for each pairing
• The episode playfully leans into the idea of “sommeliers” matching movies to franchises as if they were fine wines, riffing on tone and fit.

"Bill concocts some kind of like, Long Island Iced Tea of football and 80s movies. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck this is... But it sounds fun and I want to drink it, so let's do it." – Kyle Brandt [05:57]

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2. AFC Draft: Team-by-Team Assignments & Rationale

[12:07–67:12]

Top-tier AFC picks:

- Kansas City Chiefs: "Rocky IV"

[12:07]

• “Deep in the franchise, but it’s still awesome—like Rocky IV. Should be old, but it works every time. Mahomes as Drago, Kelce as Paulie.”
  — Kyle

- Buffalo Bills: "Cliffhanger"

[15:07]

• “It’s Stallone when everyone wrote him off, and then—boom—he’s back. Same for the Bills after tough playoff exits.”
  — Bill

- Baltimore Ravens: "Action Jackson"

[18:17]

• “Never quite ‘the man,’ but always beloved—just like Lamar. Carl Weathers never got sequels—will Lamar finally get the ring?”
  — Brandt & Simmons

- LA Chargers: "Total Recall"

[23:19]

• “Wild coach (Harbaugh), wild stories, and always something unexpected—just when you think it's normal, three-breasted lady appears.”
  — Kyle

- Denver Broncos: "Predator"

[28:50]

• “Unseen, dangerous, the predator nobody expects. Denver as the alien in the jungle—suddenly they're coming for you.”
  — Bill

- Houston Texans: "Passenger 57"

[32:56]

• “Cool lead, good supporting cast, not yet elite—very watchable, maybe not winning the whole thing.”
  — Brandt

Wild Card Playoff Spots & Notable Picks

• Las Vegas Raiders: "Kickboxer" [40:03]
  “Old mentor (Carroll) molds young talent. Joking about Max Crosby as Naksu Kao; leans into unintentional comedy.”

• New England Patriots: "Commando" [43:07] “A reboot—new coach after a disaster, solid draft. Maybe the start of something bigger.”

• Cincinnati Bengals: "Tango & Cash" [47:20] “Fun hang, great stars (Burrow, Chase), never ‘serious Oscar contenders’.”

• Miami Dolphins: "Cobra" [53:09] “Mike McDaniel as the eccentric Marion Cobretti—completely ridiculous, possibly brilliant. No guardrails.”

Other teams get sharp, funny, or pointed analogies—Jets with "Running Man" (lots of running, minimal hope), Titans with "Kindergarten Cop" (surprisingly youthful/hopeful), Browns with "Gymkata" (one weird asset in Miles Garrett), and Colts with "True Lies" (full of deception, not as good as it appears).

"There's no guardrails. Just do anything, Sly. Nothing. It's... That's why it's fun to watch." – Kyle Brandt (on both 'Cobra' and the Dolphins) [55:29]

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3. NFC Draft: Assignments Get Even Wilder

[67:12–112:58]

Top NFC picks:

- Detroit Lions: "Under Siege" [67:49]

“Ryback’s ‘just a cook’ as Dan Campbell’s ‘just a coach’—unheralded but badass, crew of unlikely heroes.”

- Philadelphia Eagles: "Rambo: First Blood Part II" [69:45]

“Bigger, crazier sequel—more of everything, blowing the doors off, fits the Eagles’ try-to-outdo-themselves m.o.”

- Green Bay Packers: "Point Break" [72:37]

“Young, up-and-coming, could blow up—love and LaFleur as Swayze & Keanu, questions but great energy.”

- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "Toy Soldiers" [74:02]

“Undersized, scrappy Baker Mayfield as Sean Astin. You can’t quite believe it’s happening, but it’s working.”

- Seattle Seahawks: "Sudden Death" [76:58]

“Nobody believes, but this underdog pulls off the impossible; defense as goaltender heroics.”

- San Francisco 49ers: "Hard to Kill" [79:35]

“Supposed to be out for the count (injury issues, departures), but like Seagal, just keep getting up.”

- Dallas Cowboys: "Last Action Hero" [83:54]

“Big budget, overstuffed, tons of cameos. Loud, always attention-grabbing, rarely satisfying in the end.”

- Chicago Bears: "Rocky IV" [85:08]

“The ultimate underdog, overcoming years of franchise quarterback woes; could finally climb the mountain.”

Notable sleepers with wild analogies:

• New York Giants: "First Blood" (Jackson Dart as 'Rambo,' unleashed midseason.) [90:41]
• Washington Commanders: "Demolition Man" [93:13]
• Carolina Panthers: "Over the Top" [97:09]
• Atlanta Falcons: "Road House" [101:13]
• Minnesota Vikings: "Bloodsport" [104:09]
• Arizona Cardinals: "Marked for Death" [106:33]
• Los Angeles Rams: "Under Siege 2" [108:09]
• New Orleans Saints: "Stone Cold" [110:40]

"It's a very over the top pick to say the Panthers... but your excitement for the Panthers, maybe this is where 'Over the Top' goes." – Bill [98:20]

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4. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Kyle Brandt and I... we are going to assign an action movie from our wheelhouse era of 1984-1996, and an action movie that fits the profile for each team... It wasn't even coherent when I sent it to you. You immediately understood because that's what we have.”
  — Bill [05:06]

• “It's literally the most Bill Simmons thing ever.”
  — Joe House [06:12]

• “Can you imagine if a moviemaker went to the NFL and they're like, ‘Can we have a thing where the Steelers and Cowboys are playing and the whole stadium's rigged with bombs and it's gonna explode?’ And they're like, ‘fuck, no.’ The NHL? Whenever you're going to make a movie about hockey. Take our jerseys, whatever you want. Fine.”
  — Kyle on Sudden Death [79:15]

• “Under Siege 2 is like, all right, there's not the beer I wanted left in the fridge, but there's that beer left. I'll drink that.”
  — Bill [109:51]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introduction to the Gimmick – [05:06–08:00]
• AFC Top Seeds Assignment & Rationale – [12:07–18:14]
• Wild AFC Pairings – [40:03–65:56]
• NFC Top Seeds Assignment & Rationale – [67:49–76:58]
• Wild NFC Pairings & Bottomfeeders – [90:41–110:40]
• Reflections and Farewell – [113:22–end]

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Tone & Chemistry

The trio brings classic Bill Simmons wit, with Kyle Brandt offering outlandish, humorous connections, and House playing both skeptic and comedic foil. The episode is equal parts sports analysis, pop culture nostalgia, and a celebration of oddball podcasting formats. Banter, callbacks to Rewatchables, and NFL offseason foibles abound, making it a delight for sports and movie fans alike.

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Perfect for Listeners Who

• Love creative sports content and cross-genre analogies
• Grew up on or appreciate '80s/'90s action movies
• Want a nuanced, fun pre-NFL-season power ranking
• Enjoy inside jokes, recurring bits, and off-the-wall bill Simmons podcasting humor

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All in all:
A can't-miss episode for anyone wanting a fresh, funny, yet insightful look at the 2025 NFL landscape through the lens of VHS glory. No other NFL preview will have you thinking about the Miami Dolphins’ season as “Cobra,” or Baker Mayfield as Sean Astin fending off terrorists.

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Episode highlight:

"I could have done this for three more hours. I love it. Let's do MLB and NBA teams too."
— Kyle Brandt [113:22]

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Cracking open a cold one on a hot summer day is one of the best feelings, but it's even better when it feels like you earned it. Like in a friendly little competition. It's always better when there's something worth playing for. And Michelob Ultra, a superior light beer is a pretty great prize. I would. I mean, I would be all tennis for Michelob Ultras because that's what I do all summer. Because tennis is an actual sport, unlike pickleball. So tennis, doubles, singles, whatever. Let's play for an Ultra. Fill your fridge with Michelob Ultra this [e-mail]. enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2025 Anheuser Busch. Michelob Ultra Light Beer, St. Louis, MO this episode is brought to you by Yahoo. Fantasy it's my favorite time of the year. The NFL season almost here. Fantasy football full swing. It's happening this season. Yahoo Fantasy is taking it up a notch and giving you a fantasy football experience like never before. This year I'm playing on Yahoo. Fantasy and you should too, because we have a big ringer league that we're doing. We're going to do a live draft, we're going to have bragging rights and all kinds of things that are going to be happening. You should join us. You should have your own league. Yahoo fantasy dropping 28 big new features over 28 days through August. They just dropped Yahoo. Fantasy Guillotine leagues where the lowest scoring team gets eliminated weekly until one is left standing. Give this new mode a try or stick with the classics in private head to head leagues or public leagues. Stay tuned for more killer announcements. Start playing Yahoo. Fantasy Football [e-mail] Simmons the Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by the Ringer Podcast Network where you can find a new episode of the Rewatchables coming on Monday night. We we did witness it was me and Mallory Rubin. It is the 399th movie that we've done on the Rewatchables. It was a really fun one. We had a couple pods that are launching and relaunching. We launched last week the Ringer Tailgate, a college football podcast with Tay Frazier, Van Lathan, Joel Anderson. First one's up. They're going to be going live after the late college football games on Saturday. So around 4pm Pacific time. I thought the first episode was really, really good. I was excited about it. Did you listen to any of it? House?

[B]

I haven't had a chance to yet, but I'm excited for college football season so this guy's guiding the ways.

[A]

It's excellent. So check that out. That's going to be on YouTube as well. But if you like college football, we've been doing this since the Grandland days. I feel like we finally cracked the code with one of these. And we also have Todd McShay. He's going to be, you know, we've had his podcast now for almost the last year, but we had that. So I feel like we're finally in a good place with college football. We're also gonna be doing something on the revamped Ringer Gambling show, which relaunches on Monday with some new lineups. And the gimmick for that this year is we're gonna be going noon ET live every day like a TV show. And we felt like that was like the best possible time to do the show because you could go backwards. But it's also just enough time to talk about that night's games if it's on a Thursday. And on that YouTube channel, we'll be doing a lot of, like, shorts and picks where some of the stuff like that that maybe we don't even get to on a pod for a week, but even Premier League, some golf stuff, baseball as we get into the playoffs. So we're really going to try to go all out on the. On the gambling thing, but it's going to be concerted Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday noon ET live on YouTube. And then Shield Kapadia relaunched the Ringer NFL show.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

So that's our third one and that's been going every day. And I thought he had a great first week. Can't wait to go on that podcast as well. So coming up on this podcast, I had to try a crazy gimmick because we don't have Cousin Sal. We're doing the Over Unders later this week. The annual Over Unders podcast brought Kyle Brand in. We decided to rank the AFC teams and the NFC teams and do action movies. And I'll explain it after we do the break. And then Pearl Jam. But it's a gimmick that I wasn't positive going to be work, but I had a great time. It went a half hour longer than I thought it would. And we dedicated to Tommy Fleetwood, who finally got off the schneid today. Congrats to him. Anyway, taking a break. Pearl Jam, Joe House, Kyle Brandt. All right, we are taping this a little after 3:00 clock Pacific time on Sunday. House and I are on a high because our guy, Tommy Fleetwood finally pulled it off. Kyle Brandt. I don't. Oh, he finally won a PGA tournament.

[B]

Not just any, though. The Tour Championship. Ten million bucks.

[A]

Yeah, he kept falling. It was the equivalent of if. If Josh Allen had just kept losing playoff games, but also they were. They were his fault every time. And then he finally won the super bowl, which maybe that will happen this year. Your guy, Josh Allen. So Kyle Brand's here, Joe House is here, and we have an absolutely ridiculous gimmick that I'm not even sure the two of you fully understand. Definitely don't, but we're plowing ahead. Anyway, I sent you the text. Kyle Brandt and I said we're going to rank the 16 teams in the AFC and the 16 teams in the NFC. We're going to go from one to 16, and we're going to assign an action movie from our wheelhouse era of 1984-1996, and an action movie that fits the profile for each team. It wasn't even coherent when I sent it to you. You immediately understood because that's what we have.

[C]

I was at the gym. It was one of those where I'm texting while I'm at the gym like an asshole, and I see something. Bill concocts some kind of like, Long Island Iced tea of football and 80s movies. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck this is. Yeah, sure. I don't know. I don't follow it. I still don't follow it. But it sounds fun and I want to drink it, so let's do it.

[B]

It's literally the most Bill Simmons thing ever. Like, you know, it's.

[A]

The problem for Kyle, Braden and I is there's some action movies that we're probably never going to do on the rewatchables because they might not even be that rewatchable. So it's an excuse both to hit a couple, plus go backwards at movies we've already covered and just try to thread the needle as much as we can.

[C]

I should say, Bill, I got a fastball coming from my. My KB secret pick choice. I got one coming that we have never covered. And I don't think we're allowed to cover on the be watchables, but we may cover it today.

[A]

I can't wait. So what we're going to do, we are going to go AFC and then nfc, and Kyle's going to get first pick. I get second pick, House gets third pick. And we're going to go basically two trios. First. First six teams. Then Kyle and I have seven and eight. Then we go Back and we'll finish the thing and when House is up, because House doesn't know these movies as well as us, he's going to give us the profile of what we're thinking. We're going to be standing at the dinner table next to him in our sommelier outfits and he's going to be like, I need an action movie for the Houston Texans. It's kind of a one man show. I don't really have high expectations for them, but I think they'll be entertaining. And then we will sow my A with them and figure it out.

[C]

Yeah, well, like, sir, you want an estate cabernet, something from the Seagal vineyards with some good legs. We got you covered, House.

[B]

I appreciate it.

[C]

I'm so excited for this. My question, Bill, is like, if I give my AFC team, whoever is number one and I assign a movie to it, then that movie is off limits. Like, it's taken, it's done.

[A]

Movies off the board. That's why it's much like eating with House. It's not competitive. Nobody, we're not trying to win. Nobody's gonna leave.

[B]

But once it's off the table, it's gone.

[A]

Once off table, it's off the table. But we're all eating. We're all sharing.

[B]

Yeah, we're all eating.

[A]

It's not a zero sum game. We're trying to win. So here's what we did because we're gonna do the AFC and the nfc. But I sent you four divisions of movies. And I mean, these divisions are incredible. Just for the record, the Stallone division, obviously he was going to get one. So that's eight movies that is over the top. Cobra, Cliffhanger, First Blood, Rocky iv, Tango and Cash, Demolition man and Rambo. First Blood Part 2. Was there a Stallone movie you felt like was missing? Is there a case you want to make for anything? I left off daylight.

[C]

I just love Bill. When you sit down to type out the over the Stallone division, your first two are over the top. In Cobra, that just tells you everything about you. All the movies he's done, those are the first two on the menu. That's great.

[A]

And you?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Obviously, Cobra has to be on here. And for me, over the top. And it had. There's good football parallels. There are a couple of good teams for that.

[C]

But House, Rocky is allegedly the best sports movie of all time. Like, I like Cobra way more than Rocky. Just so you know where I'm coming.

[B]

From, I've listened to some of the pods with you guys I get it.

[C]

Okay, good.

[A]

And so Rocky 4 is technically a sports movie, but for us, it's also an action movie. Sure, he's taking on not just Drago, who's fueled by steroids, but he's also ending the Cold War. There's real stakes, too. So we have that. Anyway, that's the Stallone division. Schwarzenegger gets his own division. And what's great about Schwarzenegger is there could have been three more movies in here, but we got Predator, the Terminator, Total Recall, True Lies, Commando, the Running Man, Last Action Hero, and Kindergarten Cop. A movie that Kyle Brandt tosses my way on text every once in a while just to make sure he knows that I know that he knows that he's ready for it.

[C]

I watched it with my son recently. Very strange storyline about domestic violence in the middle of the. I have no idea where that's coming from, but it's all there. We'll get to Kindergarten Cop House.

[A]

Okay. And then Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme bonding together. Van Damme. I'm just gonna say Van Damme. Van Damme over and over again. Neither of them really had enough movies for their own division, but what they did is they each had four great movies to share. Division. So we did. Out for justice, above the Law, Under Siege, Marked for Death. The only Seagal movie Kyle and I have not done on the rewatchables. Those are the four Seagals. Bloodsport, Sudden Death, Kickboxer, Double Impact. So, House, when you're making one of your picks, maybe Kyle just thinks about it and goes. It feels like you're leaning towards something in the Jean Claude vintage, maybe a kickboxer. So that's that division. Wild Car division. That's the last one. Toy Soldiers, Point Break, action Jackson, Passenger 57, and Roadhouse. And then we each get a random. You don't know what the movie is pick. So people are going to hear this and go, well, wait a second. You're doing the apex of all these movies, but there's some stuff missing. So what happened? Well, I made Die Hard ineligible. It's too good. Yeah, different draft. It's in, like, the best movies of the age draft. Speed is ineligible. The Fugitive, Terminator 2, Lethal Weapon 1 and 2, they're just too elevated. They don't want to be swimming in these pools. You okay with that, Kyle?

[C]

Yeah. I mean, listen, it's. I struggled with a team. I'm not even going to say it. I struggled with a team that is so good in the NFL right now. I thought it deserves something like one of the taboos, like Terminator 2. But we'll have to fit something with it.

[A]

You have a random pick. You might be able to do it it.

[C]

I do. But my random pick is a shitty movie, and that's the one I'm going for.

[A]

I'm not surprised at all. The funny thing for me is Toy Soldier was just. Toy Soldiers was an automatic. We did it on the rewatchables, I think, two years ago. I love it. I have a perfect team for it. I hope it survives until we get to our team. Anyway, afc. So this is it. The movie comes off the table. The team comes off the table. Okay, Kyle Brandt, first pick, AFC. Who is your one seed? The season ends 18 weeks from now. Or 19 weeks, but 18 weeks. Who is the number one seed in the AFC?

[C]

The number one seed. I'm going to go with Kansas City. Chiefs.

[B]

I'm going to go with the Chiefs.

[C]

Yeah. And listen, I'm not going to mess around here. I'm going to go with Rocky 4. We are deep into the franchise now. We're already in the fourth movie. It should be getting shitty by now, but it's not. And it's an incredible testament to them that the fourth movie is arguably the best one you have. Mahomes as Drago. This, like, unstoppable force in the AFC wins it nearly every year. And the Kelce piece. Kelce. I see House as this, like, kind of old, aged, lovable wingman. Kelsey is Paulie, which, if anyone's wondering, would then make Taylor Paulie's robot, which is the best part in the whole movie. So I have Rocky IV and the Chiefs number one. Here we go.

[A]

That's unbelievable. That was when there's another movie that. When it pops up, I'm gonna explain why that was my Chiefs pick. But I love the Rocky 4 thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like the franchise. Are we really going to do this again? It's all the same characters, same narratives, but holy shit, I'm enjoying myself. Houseware. Do you have Kansas City winning the AFC West?

[B]

Yes, I do have him winning the AFC West.

[A]

And I've said, kyle, this is. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Bill, my question for you quickly about Kansas City is like, are you. Are you seeing sense memories with the Chiefs now that you had with the Patriots? Like, I'm at the place where I'm kind of getting bored of the Chiefs. Like, I don't think they're terribly interesting, but they're just. Because they're so good and I'm a lot of the same feelings are coming out from the middle of the Pats run.

[A]

First of all, thank you, because we always like when the Pats get organically brought up into the pod. Oh, Brent, you don't have to. That was awesome. It wasn't a suck up. It was a legitimate football suck up.

[B]

At this stage of the podcasting, between the two of you, you can tell it like it is. Kyle Brandt.

[C]

Well, listen, if you think I'm sucking up to the Patriots, wait till you hear the movie I compare them to. So that's not going to happen.

[B]

Good.

[A]

I think people didn't like the Patriots, and I still feel like people, most people like the Chiefs is my take. Maybe I'm missing it completely, but I still feel like if you're talking about the seesaw, I hate those guys versus I like those guys. It still feels like they're in the I like the guys camp. You disagree or.

[C]

No, the officiating thing was tough. The turnoff to Taylor thing was tough. But listen, the Patriots had sex and drugs and murder and Gates and all this shit to keep us entertained and talked about. The Chiefs are just like, yeah, Mahomes is great and Reed is pretty cool. So it's this different kind of sizzle.

[A]

Yeah, the Chiefs had some pretty unseemly stuff themselves, but they were never with the main characters. We had like spygate, week one, 2007. We had deflategate. Right. In the playoffs, we had the Hernandez thing, which was the craziest football story. So. And. And then people hate Belichick. The media hated Belichick. Everyone hated Belichick. I don't think people hate Andy Reid like that.

[C]

Nobody hates Andy Reid.

[B]

Nobody hates Andy Reid. Plus, we're only like halfway through the Patriots run now with the Chiefs essentially.

[A]

Right?

[C]

True.

[A]

I'm up now.

[C]

Go on.

[A]

And I did not have Kansas city as my 1 seed. Nor did I. I had the Bills of Buffalo as my 1 seed.

[B]

Wow, this is unbelievable.

[A]

We should mention I'm doing four hours of content with the Cuz, where we're doing all of our over under picks and futures and everything on Thursday. I reserve the right to change my mind over the next four years.

[C]

I get it. So do I.

[A]

Right?

[B]

We all do.

[A]

Right now I'm leaning toward kind of going all in on the Bills story and all the pieces and Josh and the whole thing. So my movie is gonna be cliffhanger. Sly Stallone, 1993. The Run's Kind of. The run's kind of over for him. He has this amazing 80s. Arnold has come in and cleaned his clock. And we've talked about this on rewatchables multiple times. Arnold comes in and he's just like, here's Total Recall. Here's Kindergarten cop. Here's Terminator 2. He's just like. He's pummeling him a lot. Like Rocky in the first couple rounds of Rocky iv, Stallone's just getting the shit kicked out of him. And people kind of give up on Stallone a little bit. And then Cliffhanger happens, and he gets us to come to the theater. Right before, it was, like, right around Memorial Day, May 1993, and he's fucking back. He looks great. The movie looks awesome. He's just playing all the hits. And we leave the movie and we're like, stallone's back. I think that I'm going to feel that way about Buffalo at the end. All the stuff, all the tough losses and the close and this and that. And I just feel like. I feel like this is going to be their cliffhanger season. Plus, literally, it's a cliffhanger cow brand. That's my case, I think.

[C]

There's also a lot of things that just piss people off about the Bills. They leave you frustrated a lot. And as we know, Michael Rooker spends this entire movie just kind of pissed off for really weird reasons that don't make sense. Like at the beginning scene, he's mad even though he brought the girlfriend up there and she died. But he blames. There's a lot of blame that goes around with Buffalo when they don't pan out or they can't beat the Chiefs again. So I think there's a symmetry there, too.

[A]

Misplaced anger. Blame, resentment. Yeah. So Cliffhanger starts house. Michael Rooker takes his girlfriend up on a mountain, and they're hiking, and it gets fucked up. They have to be rescued. And finally they're on a zipline, and she barely knows how to hike and starts to lose it on the zipline. And Stallone tries to be the hero, like, she's gonna fall. Climbs on the zipline and save her, and she ends up falling to her death. And Rooker's pissed off about was like, what about you, buddy? Yeah, who took her up there, shithead? Who took her up there?

[B]

That's right.

[A]

So anyway, and he's mad at Stallone the whole movie. All right.

[C]

This is like cheating Bills fans being mad at Dalton Kincaid at the end of the title game for dropping. Like, was that really what it was about? It's a little bit misplaced. So, Bill, I Think it's a great pick and we're two teams in. I feel the same way you do. I'm like, oh, shit, I had a good one for Cliffhanger or I had a good one for Buffalo, so we'll have to get to him somehow. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I think we're off to a good start, and it's a relatively coherent gimmick, and I'm pleased with it. But now this is the part where it gets scary. Cause Joe House is up.

[C]

Come on, House.

[A]

I think I can mess this up. This is the third team in the.

[B]

Afc, and it turns out that this is my favorite team in the afc. And the team that I think is going to land the one seed and the team that I've already bet to win the super bowl this year, and that's the Baltimore Ravens. Awesome. I think the Ravens are lined up for an incredible season. Reminder to everybody, they started off last year 8 and 5, and they had bad losses.

[A]

With a couple dumb losses.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

They had likely lost. Yeah, there's a couple bad ones.

[B]

And then they reeled off four straight wins and came into the playoffs, you know, in as good a position as anybody. And once again, snap defeat from the jaws of victory. And it wasn't Lamar Jackson. Reminder to everybody, in that game against Buffalo, there was a couple key, key turnovers. And Mark Andrews, you know, was the goat. And I don't mean, you know, greatest of all time, this Baltimore team, what they did in the off season, once again, they reload on the defensive side. I think that they have found a defensive identity last year in that run at the end of the season, I just think that they are ready to go on a tear. And so I'm. I'm in between two movies.

[A]

Let's hear them.

[C]

I.

[B]

On the one hand, I love the idea of Terminator because Lamar Jackson last year had an MVP season. I don't see anything in terms of this offense that. That will take me off of Lamar Jackson in that direction. Then the other one, if we're going to go in that direction, is First Blood too. Rambo. Those were the two where I was First Blood 2. Yeah.

[A]

What would be the case for First Blood 2 with the Ravens? I'm trying to just like.

[B]

Well, you didn't give me first. Oh, you did give me First Blood.

[A]

Sure. You could do First Blood if you want.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I meant First Blood. Then you put both. Both movies in. Okay, I see First Blood.

[A]

So you don't want to put Action Jackson here.

[B]

Oh, well, that's the layoff, guys.

[C]

Mind if I butt in, Bill? I. I got Action Jackson written down for the Ravens. It's awesome. God damn it. I love it. Done.

[A]

Done. Okay, if the Somayes can help you here.

[B]

I agree. I love it.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

We have a vintage bottle of Action Jackson.

[B]

He's literally the action.

[A]

Perfect.

[C]

Are you interested in a movie house where at one point Carl Weathers throws a guy out of a window so hard that he goes through the window and into the window of the building next to him? It's never been done before. That's the.

[B]

Jackson, you guys.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Also, I don't want to say this was the movie I fell in love with Sharon Stone in because it had already happened five years earlier, but she's throwing 119 miles an hour in this movie. Also, have we talked about this, Kyle? The fact that they weren't three or four of these is enraging.

[C]

I don't know why. Well, that brings me to the point about the Ravens, Bill. Carl Weathers never really became the man like he never became. He was always the guy in Predator or he was always Paulo, where he was always Chubbs. He never got over that. Is. Is that Lamar? Does he never win the Super Bowl?

[A]

No. Beloved. Beloved. Respected. And yet he love him. I mean, honestly, some MVPs. There's a real Rocky 3 MVP case for. For Carl Weathers that I could have thrown in. But yeah, I just felt like I loved Action Jackson. I don't think we've done it yet on the rewatchables. It's one of the ones we're saving. Oh, and I don't know why there wasn't for them. I mean, we actually know why there wasn't for them. Because Hollywood was super racist back then and they. All they do is was get the white dudes. So it's really only Snipes has a couple movies and the one Carl Weathers and that's it.

[C]

Well, on the topic of being exclusionary, I love that House gave two totally viable suggestions to Bill and I like, nah, fuck that Action Jackson. You're like the dick waiters.

[B]

It was the right answer, though. I love the dick waiters. I love dicks in all of those walks of life. Like a dick caddy. I always love the guys that are ready. You know, the asshole at the counter, the soup Nazi. I'm. That appeals to me.

[A]

I challenge. Having worked in the service industry for a couple years there, I always thought people respected when you gave them the truth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When they give you a Choice. And they're like, I was thinking about either getting the chicken or the cheeseburger. What would you get? And I'd be like, I'd get neither. I. Our skirt steak is phenomenal.

[B]

And they'll just sugarcoat it.

[A]

Just tell the. Tell the truth.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I was recently in Vegas and I ordered a tequila. And I'm not. It's the. It's the George Clooney's tequila. The bartender looked at me, goes, would you mind if I gave you something else that's way better and cheaper? And I was like, awesome, man. Yeah, do it. And he gave it to me and I thought, so much respect for him.

[A]

That just happened with Action Jackson Ravens.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

All right. So off the board. Interesting. Interesting wrinkle. I got to say. The gimmicks working great. We all had different one seeds.

[B]

I would not have guessed.

[A]

So Kyle had Kansas City.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I had Buffalo. And House had Baltimore. And it was going to be in some order, those three. I. This is where I was really excited to see where the draft was going to go. The four spot, because. Well, I'll tell you later. Who do you have for the fourth spot?

[C]

All right, so this is my first shock and awe in the fourth spot, gentlemen, I have the LA Chargers.

[A]

Oh, wow. Oh, my Chargers. Hold on, let me scroll down.

[B]

They're not in my fourth spot.

[A]

Hold on. All right, there they are. Gotcha.

[C]

Okay. And my movie comp for the LA Chargers is Total Recall. You have in both cases a wild man director. You got Harbaugh, you got Verhoeven, you got Harbhoeven. Okay, you got a great lead in Herbert, but like in charge for the Chargers House, like weird shit always happens. You have your quarterback who throws like no picks all year and then he throws like 12 in one game, in one playoff game. With Verhoeven, it's like we're going through a science fiction movie. This is fine. Everyone looks normal and there's a three breasted woman out of nowhere for no reason. Thank God Verhoeven's fucking crazy for no reason. Lastly, there's always the sense of the of with the Chargers. Like the past is repeating itself and haunting us and I'm having recall if I'm living a different life. And it's like it just seems to gel up. Chargers, Total Recall.

[A]

So it's funny, I had Total Recall for the Chiefs. Oh, no. But this is better. You made a way better case because mine was, was like Mahomes, you're pretty ordinary. Last year you were just A construction worker working nine to five and coming home. And you threw for 3,900 yards. And you, you know, you guys, you didn't have a top five offense. And then in the, in the playoffs, you weren't that great. In the super bowl you got your ass kicked.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

You realize you're a guy that everyone thinks is the key to Mars that's in there, is that coming back. But I think this is way better. I.

[C]

Well, ironically, I think also I think the Chargers, like, I have them in the divisional round losing, so that would mean they're in the playoffs. For how long? Two weeks. Two weeks. It's all there.

[A]

How do we think it's a Total Recall? I love it.

[B]

I think it's tremendous.

[A]

So we've already done this movie in the rewatchables, although I don't think you were on it.

[C]

No, I know Van was on it. And Price, I don't remember though.

[A]

I just watched it from start to finish.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

A week and a half ago.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I couldn't believe how good it was. Even though we had already dissected it, exacted every amount of content we could have gotten. Start to finish. I was just like, God damn, they really knew how to make movies back then. There's not a wasted split second in that movie. It just goes. And it's got. And there's just these different premises and different locations and these. Every time you think they've run out of characters, there's another one. The three breasted lady's there. We have shootouts. All of a sudden we're in this weird nightclub. It's just a tour de force. And the ending's unbelievable.

[C]

I know.

[A]

And I still don't know if he dreamed it or not. What was your take? Did he dream it?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it's like Inception with the top spinning. I like to think he dreamed it because it was just so cool and everything was so fun and he wins in the end. And I like to think he dreamed it.

[A]

So the reason you would think he dreamed it is they ask him to find a girl and he picks the girl. When they're trying to do is choose your adventure. It's the exact girl that's the girl in the movie. So it's like, okay. But on the other hand, I don't know, maybe he didn't dream it. Maybe he really did save Mars. Who knows?

[C]

What's really fun about Total Recall for a beginner is it leads the league in Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling and grunting like that. He does it more in Total Recall than any other Arnold movie. So if you like that, that's your movie.

[A]

So, ironically, my wife was in the background, like, getting ready and walking in and out and stuff. And at one point she says to me, is this just an entire movie of people grunting and screaming? And I was like, yeah, you nailed it.

[C]

Pretty much.

[A]

That's. That should have been in the Ebert review.

[C]

That's being a Chargers fan.

[A]

Well, let's talk about the Chargers really quick. I'm down on them, and I have four days to talk myself out of it. I thought the Slater injury was a terrible moment. Trying to figure out. And I know, like, out of all the teams in the league, to be able to at least move Joe Walt over is probably a better solution than anyone else would have. But I just. When you lose a guy like that before the season starts, when is that not a terrible omen?

[B]

Yeah. And. And I. I didn't love what they did with this receiver room. I mean, at some point these, these Herbert seasons, you have to, like, capitalize on it and, and use it to push you.

[A]

They have guys they're all excited about, but I. It feels like preseason. I know poor Kyle's doing three hours of content a day trying to, like, talk about fourth and fifth receivers on.

[C]

No, but my deal is, like, I've learned over the years, especially with playoff picks, just go with coaches, like, cover the roster, Pick Mike Tomlin to make the playoffs, pick Sean McVay. And I know Harbaugh is new here, but I don't care. I think he's a top five coach in the league. He's crazy, like, in the best way. But, like, I know they got an offensive tackle injured. Sucks. It happens. Other teams will, too. I just trust Harbaugh. I do. Always.

[A]

The case against them is last year's schedule was so favorable for them, but then the games where they had to play good teams, they just didn't score. I mean, you're talking like 10, 12, 14 point range for 5. Then in the playoff game, they completely fell apart. I had a different AFC west team. Okay, what do you got that I'm about to take? I really admire that pick, by the way. It's a team that I had in the three spot. Cause I think they're going to win the AFC west, but I don't think it's the Chargers. I have the Denver Broncos right here.

[C]

Denver. Okay. Talk about it.

[A]

Interesting. I just like every. I've talked about them five different times in the pod. It just feels like they Have a ton of talent. They know who they are. You're a great coach. Theory. The Denver vs. KC thing has been kind of quietly really good here for. Since the 1990s. The Casey piece of it where, you know, they're still trying to figure out some of the stuff with their offensive line, especially the middle. The Rasheed Rice thing just kind of hanging over the season like an anvil. When does that suspension kick in? It doesn't seem like they're totally psyched with their running game. I just. I have just as many questions about KC Than in Denver. I'm just like, fuck it. I really like this Denver team. I'm going to ride with them. So my movie is Predator.

[C]

Okay, let's go.

[A]

Somebody's got to take it because for a variety of reasons, but this is more like less of a match of what the movie's about and more like just the name.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I think Denver's the predator of the afc. Nobody sees them coming. Not really sure what's happening in the jungle. There's just some weird shit happening. Can you guys go down there, right? And it's like, oh, no, you're not hunting them. They're actually hunting you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And right now I feel like Denver, nobody realizes they're the alien in the jungle yet. And that's my case.

[C]

That's like Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are like, you're scared, Andy. Bullshit. You ain't afraid of no man. There's something out there hunting, right? And it ain't no man.

[A]

Casey. Denver. How's Kayce going to lose this? They have Jesse the body and Carl Weathers. Arnold, like, this is going to be great. They've got this. I also, you guys talked about this on the Ringer gambling show House and then SHIELD did his three tiers of MVP picks on the Ringer NFL show. Did not mention Bo Nix. I don't think Bo Nix is going to win the mvp. I'm just going to say that.

[C]

Okay. Nor do I.

[A]

But there is it usually shield made this case out. It's usually a 13 or 14 win. Team produces the MVP. So if you're all in on Denver, as House would say, maybe sprinkle just.

[B]

A tiny smattering so you have a.

[A]

Ticket on the 60 to 1 bo nicks. Like, why not? Like, what if he throws? What if he's 3,500 yards, you know, runs for 800 yards and 10 TVs they go 15 and 2. I am not saying this will happen, but for the odds. I just thought it was Interesting.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think that's a bad way to speculate, to have that, you know, in the portfolio, a little taste.

[A]

Because Purdy's the other one like that where it's like, if you really like a San Francisco comeback, odds are Purdy's going to be awesome and maybe just go long shot on him. All right, So I think what else.

[C]

Is interesting is one of these second year quarterbacks is not going to play well this year. It's just how the odds are. It's like they're not all going to work out. They're not all going to be great. So Jaden Knicks May and then like Pennix and McCarthy in their other class and Caleb as well. Like I think one of those four, including Caleb is gonna be like, oh, what happened in that second year? You have to just the law of averages of quarterbacks. Is it going to be May or Caleb? Like I Knicks looked great, fine. He was in the playoffs, he represented himself. But I don't know, I just don't think he's done away yet.

[A]

Here's the problem with the Bears. From what I say with Caleb, they, they just. How much can you blow? Tyson Badgeant? They like badging coach loves him. They gave him an extension. He's sobbing in the press conference. It's like, what are you guys doing?

[B]

Let's save it. Save the Bears for the Bears.

[A]

I've never seen.

[C]

We're not even on the Bears, but I've been there.

[A]

The House is going to be on my podcast on Thursdays this year and as we're leading up to it, if I was just like raving about the person who's like, if anything happens to House, I'm gonna have this guy host instead of House. And all I did all August was rave about the other person. Well, if you get that person a.

[B]

$10 million contract, I'm gonna be upset.

[A]

Two years, 10 million.

[B]

Yeah, I'll be upset.

[A]

Tyson Bajan or Bajan?

[C]

Bajan, like agent.

[B]

Yeah, you said it right.

[A]

Tyson Bajan. Okay, I did say it right. All right, so Denver off the board. And that means House is now up with the six picks. So we only have two playoff spots left here.

[B]

Yeah, and in that context, this is why Houston is the right answer to me. They are the class of their division. The case for Houston is just it's a bad division and they have a great defense. There could be, should be a bounce back for C.J. stroud. They got rid of three of their offensive linemen. They brought in four guys. So as you swapped out.

[A]

But there's some weird receiver stuff too. They're relying on some rookies. Tank Dells not back yet.

[B]

The thing that hurts the enthusiasm for Houston is the Joe Mixon injury. And it does seem like that is.

[A]

Going to be persistent because they're basically having a open mic night for the running back position.

[B]

That is the problem.

[A]

Is it going to be Nick Chubb is going to be this random guy.

[B]

We drafted and yet it may not matter in that Division and C.J. stroud and. And that defense might be enough. So I'm not sure what to do.

[A]

It's. I think. I think this is the right spot for him. For them first of all like the six spot even though they're. They'll be the four seed because they're going to win it. But it's the defense like they're. At least we know they're going to be good defensively and we know their secondary is awesome. So you'd be like, all right, we like even in the playoffs, pretty respectable defensive performance by them, right?

[C]

Yeah, they. Where you're putting them now is just. It's kind of like where they've been. Like they're. They're a very good team but like you know, not that upper echelon. So I. I'd be curious to know the movie pairing because I have something in my head.

[A]

I have an idea as well.

[C]

Oh, well, I'm sure I was going.

[B]

To ask you guys about Cobra because this idea of a secret society, the Killers.

[A]

I don't know if we want to shoot our Cobra wide here.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

By the way, COBRA is the 85 Bears and the 73 Steelers. So. No, that's not that. We can't do cobra with the 25.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

That's why I like serious about it.

[A]

You gave us a price range and 60 to $80 range and then you just asked about a $750 bottle.

[B]

Can I have the stuff? Bordeaux?

[A]

Yeah, I was. So what were you thinking? Because I had a movie. I was thinking for them.

[C]

All right. This would be wild. This is. This is an interesting one for the Texans. I have passenger 57 just for the simple reasons of lots alike. Really strong, cool lead. You got some good supporting actors. The young Liz Hurley time side Tom Sizemore. But it's just not up there. It's not a Stallone or Schwarzenegger Van Damme quality thing yet. That's what I'm saying. I like that movie but I'm not saying it's going to win the AFC or be the coolest movie of the year.

[A]

So my two were commando and pastor 57 because commando.

[C]

Awesome. Commando.

[B]

Well that's good because I had Commando as my second choice, but I think it's passenger 57. Passenger 57.

[A]

The thing I was thinking with the Commando is it's like really likable, good Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, but it's either a round one or round two loss compared to the rest of his catalog.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Okay, so that's a strong for the Texans.

[C]

Passenger 57.

[A]

All right, we have done. We're through six teams. We're gonna take a quick break and then hit the rest of the AFC. The Bill Simmons podcast is presented by FanDuel. I hope you're ready because FanDuel Futures Day is going to be Tuesday, August 26th. It's a Futures extravaganza. Not that it hasn't been a Futures extravaganza for me and House all summer since March. If you want to do straight up over wins for the pats, do alt wins. Maybe you think the paths are going to go 12 and 5? What? Go nuts. Go nuts on House, go under on Washington, unders on.

[B]

You can do that.

[A]

You can parlay division champions. We I have a five division champ parlay.

[B]

We do have a couple of those lined up that are tasty.

[A]

190 to 1 or whatever. One day only. All customers get an instant bonus on any football futures bet. Plus flash deals every three hours that you won't remission. I like flash deals.

[B]

Flash deals, yeah.

[A]

Whatever your game is, you choose how you want to play it. Tomorrow, Tuesday, August 26th at FanDuel. What are you doing for future day? I have an idea. Visit the FanDuel app to learn more. Get your picks ready FanDuel play your game must be 21 plus of President in select states or 18 plus of President in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Gamble problem. Call 1-800- Gamble or visit rg-help.com, call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut paid Endorsement this episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra Cracking up at a cold one on a hot summer day is one of the best feelings. But it's even better when it feels like you've earned it. Like in a little friendly competition, it's always better. And there's something worth playing for. Michelob Ultra Superior Light Beer. It's a pretty great prize. Trying to think stuff I would play for this summer golf. I'd need to have a big Handicap for golf, it's really tennis and maybe basketball. Three point shooting contests and I don't know, what's that block blast game you play on your iPad? I would do that. I'd compete against other people on that one. It's like Tetris for the 2000 and 20s. Play for Ultra. Fill your fridge with Michelobotra this [e-mail]. enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2025 Anheuser Busch Michelob Ultra Light Beer, St. Louis, Missouri. And now it's time for fantasy sleepers. It's a new segment presented by Yahoo. Fantasy, a site that we use here at the Ringer for our fantasy football draft. The season kicks off September 4th. Now's the time to play Yahoo. Fantasy football. Try the new Yahoo. Fantasy guillotine leagues. We're doing that this year. The lowest scoring team gets eliminated weekly. It's great. It's cutthroat. It's awesome. Wanna play instantly with friends? Try the new draft with friends mode. Prefer the classics. Play in a private head to head league. That sounds fun. Maybe we'll just go head to head.

[B]

Don't touch RJ Harvey. RJ Harvey's my guy.

[A]

Or you could join a public league. No matter how you play, one thing's true. Sleepers can win you the week or even the whole league. So House loves RJ Harve. That's your guy. I do. I loved Egg bucha, who's a first round pick who's not even a sleeper. But I actually think he's a sleeper to be a top 10. Okay, dude, my biggest one is Treveon Henderson. Yeah, I just think he's going to be a top 20.

[B]

Point out a lot about that offensive line this year.

[A]

I think Sam Darnold's a sleeper. You're down on him. Nobody believes that.

[B]

Sam, he's going to be sleeping on his back from that offensive line. Yes, I agree with you.

[A]

He's a sleeper.

[B]

He's literally a sleeper.

[A]

JSN on the Seahawks as well. Like him, summer room's gotten worse. The season's almost here. Don't listen to House, listen to me. Draft now@yahoo. Fantasy.com Simmons all right, so we have six AFC teams. We've done KC, Buffalo, Baltimore, the Chargers, Denver and Houston. One of the questions with the afc, Kyle, which I'm sure you've done multiple segments on. Sure. It's your bleary eyed.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

In the mornings trying to figure this out, is who the fuck is the seventh AFC team I know who is it? I mean, you could even say who's the sixth AFC team. You at least made a compelling case for the Chargers, but when you get to the seven seed, it's an all bets are off situation. So who'd you have?

[C]

I have an ev, an angel and a devil on my shoulders because I have some teams, but, like, my movies for them have already been taken. But it's fine because there's a clusterfuck trying to get the seventh spot. So I'm just gonna go with it. Again, you guys mentioned this. This division already. I have the Raiders. I have the Pete Carroll Raiders. The Pete Carroll, Tom Brady Raiders. I like them. I like how they're built. I like their quarterback. I like their running game. I like their defense. And my. My movie comp is kickboxer. I like anything with an old mentor who teaches like a young talent how to do things, and that's Pete Carroll. I also like that the Raiders given Ashton Jensey 350 carries in his rookie years. Like Van Damme kicking the tree until he breaks his leg. Just keep kicking it, kick it, kick it again until it's bleeding. And Max Crosby is Naksu Kao, the white warrior. So I have the Raiders as kickboxer and as our shocking seven seed, as the third team from the AFC West.

[A]

For me, it's in the vicinity of where I had them as well.

[C]

I like it.

[A]

But you left out the key point, why this is such a great pick with the Raiders. The unintentional comedy in kickboxer matching the unintentional comedy of the Las Vegas Raiders. Brady just randomly coming in with his cool Raiders gear, Mark Davis hair. Just the fact that they're in Vegas. There's a cheesiness to the Las Vegas Raiders that matches. There's a famous scene in kickboxers boxer when. When Van Damme dances.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And it's like his whole. He's wearing a butt. Amazing tank top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It'll occasionally become a meme. What fits better than that? Las Vegas Raiders, we.

[B]

I just want to observe out loud. We have all four of the AFC west in the top seven teams here.

[C]

Unlikely. We just said possible.

[B]

I'm just saying it out loud. That's. That's what we did.

[A]

But I think the coaches. I understand there's two divisions that are above all the other divisions. AFC west and the NFC North. And I think you could make a case for playoff spots for all eight of those teams.

[B]

We just did.

[A]

If you wanted. We just did with AFC West. And people have a different one of who bounces out. Most people will probably have it like we have it here. But I listen talk about this every year. If you have a terrible QB and a terrible coach and you go to a B minus for those categories or C plus, it's still four to five wins. Just being competent makes you go from five and 12 to nine and eight. So I'm fine.

[C]

You have an adult in the room. Listen, Geno Smith, I know he doesn't blow anybody's hair back. The Seahawks won 10 games last year. 10 with the multiple blood. They have all that. They have Carroll now and they have adult in the room. I just. I like it and I don't know.

[A]

Never lost less than 7, right? Isn't that the stat?

[C]

You take your hands and you put them in broken glass for the fight against Tong Po at the end. That's them against the Chiefs. Amazing sequence.

[A]

I had the Patriots. Not just because it's my team.

[B]

I'm stunned.

[A]

Look, come on.

[B]

What do you mean, come on?

[A]

Come on.

[C]

They're making the jump.

[B]

Make the case.

[A]

They check all the boxes that we see every year that Washington did last year and have the balls to pick them. But brand new coach replacing a horrific coach and a horrific coaching staff spent a lot of money in free agency. They had a really good draft with guys that seem like they're going to play. They have a quarterback that I think has a chance to be special. I just thought what he did in 10 games last year with the worst coaching personnel, offensive line situation possible, and the team really likes him and they're definitely going to be better. 9 and 8 might be a 7 seed. And when you look at their schedule and you start going through it, it's like a miracle of a schedule. And you know what else is a miracle? Getting Trevion Henderson. Because the Browns took his teammate two spots before. So my movie here, we circled it with Houston, but I think this is Commando where it is. It's just like. It's just a little tester for what's to come or what I hope as a Patriots fan is going to come. It's like, oh, can Arnold carry his own movie where he's not just walking in and going, I'll be back. Oh, he can. He could be like a likable star of a thing. Oh, could bigger things happen down the road? They could. Could there be a good infrastructure around Arnold in a movie that's repeatable? Oh, yes. Yeah, sure. So Commando is my pick. I know you love Commando.

[C]

I love Commando. My, my, my. Wonder what I'm wondering about is the Stefan Diggs piece of this. Is this, Is he Bill. Is he a Radon Chong? Is he a Bill Duke? Is he. Is he Vernon Wells?

[A]

Like, I think he's Radon Chong. I think it's. It's Radon. I think it's like we just kind of needed somebody that. Where you recognize their name. Could we have spent more money on the actress? We probably could have. She's serviceable. Can she, can she get 75 catches and 900 yards? She can and that's it.

[C]

I think Diggs is going to have 90 catches this year. I know people are down on him and they think he's a jackass or something. His stock is low. He's such a professional on the field. He's so, so good at wide receiver and he took Josh Allen from adolescence to adulthood. I think he's going to do it again. I love Diggs this year.

[B]

My only issue. The ceiling for me that I don't makes it unattainable is just that offensive line isn't good enough to give Drake May the time that he's going to need to get the 90 balls into the.

[A]

It's a way better offensive line this year and it's still not that good.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That they were an F minus minus last year as an offensive. It was the worst offensive line they've ever had since I've been a Patriot fan. And now they're going to be a D. No, I think they're going to be like a, like a C. Okay, maybe a C plus.

[B]

I'm not going to sit here and argue with you about it because last year Washington was forecasted to have one of the four worst offensive lines in the entire NFL. If you look at every forecast and then they came in and scheme wise Cliff Kingsbury and with the weapons that they had, they ended up being a very serviceable offensive line.

[A]

I mean, they had. When you look at the coaching staff they had last year, it's people that aren't in football.

[B]

I get it.

[C]

I know, like very.

[A]

I don't know what May I was doing. I don't know where Alex Van Pelt is. You go on down the line. I don't know if these guys are in pro college high school. Who knows? You're up again with the ninth pick, Kyle.

[B]

The ninth pick.

[C]

All right, well, I had. This is where I had the Bengals. I had Cincinnati here just on the outside. And listen, this is where I run into the. I have Predator. I know, Bill, you already claimed Predator, but it's just like so many. So many. Just huge, giant, expensive, violent weapons with no ability to defend themselves. They just sit there like a sitting fucking duck. And the Predator goes in and steals Jesse, the body's body. There's nothing they can do about it. And it's pretty cool. And they got miniguns and Jamar Chase is old, painless. But like, they really have no way of protecting themselves against this. This superior weaponry.

[A]

That's what I look at. You just violated the draft.

[C]

I know. So I got to go with another movie.

[A]

I have an idea for this if you want. If you. I don't know if the Somas can help each other.

[C]

Yeah, give me something.

[A]

I had Tango and Cash written down for them and here's why. It's not a good movie. It's super entertaining. I don't know why it's so entertaining, but it is. You just get to hang out with Stallone and Kurt Russell. They have this weird kind of back and forth stuff that Stallone's trying to be hilarious. He's trying to. He's like this hilarious. Wisecrackings really into the stocks. And it's just a fun hang. And you never think it's going to win the Oscar, be that good. And I think that's the Bengals. I just think they're a fun hang. They're never going to really do anything. Their defense is going to be bad. Zach Taylor, Chase and Burrow are cool too.

[B]

That does like, there's a cool factor with Swayze. And I mean, you want anybody from.

[A]

This team on your fantasy team. Enjoy it. I'll buy it on 4K Blu Ray.

[C]

Predator's too good of a movie to go to the 2025 Bengals. This is good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're in agreement.

[A]

That's where my head's supposed to.

[C]

Highly watchable. I think that's a word for both of those things.

[A]

Tango and cat. Plus like Burrow and Chase. Chase, literally. Tango and Cash. Yeah. All right. My next one. This is gonna hurt. See, I'm taking movies right off Kyle's board. I don't mean.

[C]

That's all right.

[A]

Cause it's. It's not a zero sum game. I have Pittsburgh right here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Um, I don't think they're a playoff team. I don't know if Aaron Rodgers even gets through the season. I think it's completely unrealistic that he's going to be good this year. I don't see the case. I watched him play football last year. I don't know why he'd be Better a year later.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I don't think he wants to get hit anymore. The way that team cratered last year, the. The Metcalf thing, they kind of went sideways with the skill positions. Their offensive line will be a little bit better. Schedule's pretty hard. And I just, I just grabbed out for justice here because I think it's. I think it's a season where there's just a moment where Tomlins just wandering around going, does anyone see Richie? Said he would see Richie and. But he's really means a quarterback because this is year eight for him not having a quarterback. Year nine. And it just feels like. Has anyone seen Richie season for the Steelers? They'll probably go 8, 9, 9 and 8, whatever. But I don't think they're a playoff team.

[C]

I'm going to keep coming back to 9 and 8 until somebody remembers seeing the divisional round. It's good. It's good.

[B]

That was excellent. The case for Aaron Rodgers being better this year is that he is a full year now, rehab away from the Achilles. I mean, you know, if you want to advance the argument that he was back too early from the Achilles, definitely you would make that argument with Kirk Cousins.

[A]

Is he. Was he back a year too early from not wanting to get hit anymore because he didn't want to get hit?

[B]

Last year there was a lot of disarray. Now, some of it, he certainly had a hand in. I'm not absolving him of the disarray in that jets situation, but this is a different situation. I. I'm really, really, really intrigued by Arthur Smith and Aaron Rodgers. Really. Kb, what are you hearing? Like, how is that relationship going?

[C]

I went to Steelers camp, I sat with Rogers, I watched, and God damn, the ball flies out of his hand. We know that, like, it's very impressive. And the Arthur Smith thing is very strange from the get go because Arthur Smith's like, run the shit out of the ball. Just run left, run right. Do the Falcons thing. What I did with those two running backs, you wouldn't think. And the weird part about it is Rodgers had no say in picking him. Rodgers brought Nate Hackett to the Jets. There's no Andy, there's no Alan Lazard. Randall Cobb is not on the steel. It's not like his whole crew where he's Vinny Chase and he brought Turtle and E. There's none of that. He's just. Is there? Because Tomlin is the coach and Tomlin always is in the playoffs.

[A]

All right. You monitor this training camp stuff closely and you've gone to training camps.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do we believe any story about anything that these guys say in the training camp? Like, who's going to be like, yeah, we haven't really liked him. He's been kind of a dick.

[B]

But those stories do leak out. Like, that's why everybody's got their eye on the Dolphins. We'll get to them eventually, right?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Those stories are leaking out of Miami.

[A]

Like, you know, that's a good point.

[C]

No, you got. It's like you're skeptical. An ex players in the best shape of his life and has recommitted himself to fitness and lost this much. It all matters in this time of year. It's what we do in August.

[A]

Well, the thing that. And I've talked about this. The one thing I do look for is the raving quotes from the teammates and coaches about, like, a new quarterback, a rookie, like. And this is where, like, the Cam Ward thing becomes so interesting. Because the way they talk about Cam Ward, it's very similar to Daniel's last year.

[C]

Agreed.

[A]

You could see, like, from the moment Daniel showed up in Washington and House and I were texting during the summer, I was like, house, did you. Do you get a quarterback? It seems like you got a quarterback. Everyone's like, blowing this, blowing this.

[B]

And I. I wouldn't let myself believe it. I was like, oh, this is the thing.

[A]

Yeah, he didn't want to be hurt.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't want to be hurt.

[C]

When did you start believing House? Like, when was the moment that pass.

[B]

That he threw to Terry McLaurin on Monday night Football.

[C]

That was amazing.

[B]

Cincinnati on the shoulder and took the hit.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

That. I got chills. I'm almost getting chills right now thinking about it again. It's just so unexpected to see a guy with that level of poise. And it was like there was a bucket to drop it into that was, like, barely the size of the football. God damn, that was a badass play. That made me believe.

[A]

Well, how sadly you're up. And the following teams are left. Indianapolis, Jacksonville, the Jets, Miami, Tennessee, and Cleveland. And you have to go and you have to take one of those teams. Who are you taking?

[B]

Miami. And the reason that I'm taking Miami is because it's one of two outcomes for them. And for sure, we're, we're. We're. Everybody's got their antennae up. Everybody's paying. Like, when. When the odds board opens for first coach to be fired, it's going to be Mike McDaniel's name at the very top. And all we've been talking about is that hot seat for him, the hot seat for Tyreek. But the talent is still there and on both sides of the ball. Like, if you. If Jalen Phillips and Bradley Chubb can play 12 games this coming season on defense.

[A]

Yeah, they. They have certain skill sets. Yeah, they can rush the passer. They have speed. Then there's other parts of the team where it's like, yeah, we just don't have an offensive line. Yeah, we're just not going to have a secondary this year.

[C]

Well, the thing with. The thing with McDaniel is his apologists say if his record with Tua as a starting quarterback is excellent, he wins.

[A]

Yeah, it's a huge if. That's.

[C]

But he went to. When he has a starting quarterback, he wins.

[B]

So what's a movie that's like one extreme or the other?

[A]

I had an idea for this, but Kyle, you go because I've kind of strong armed you in a couple of weeks.

[C]

I don't think we burned this. This is where I'm ready. I have a chip that is very special to me. This is where I'm ready to burn my Cobra chip. I think Marion cabretti is Mike McDaniel just eccentric for eccentric sake. Like, doesn't even really make sense. You know what I mean? It's just like, why are you being that strange? You can just straight with us sometimes. And it's like I can see McDaniel with the aviators and a match in his mouth and talking about his run game being like, guys, defense is a disease and I'm the cure that fits. To me, it seems like him.

[A]

He would definitely eat pizza by cutting it with scissors.

[C]

Yeah, just scissors. Frozen pizza. I think Tyreek is like this really cool, like, bladed weapon with spikes. He's the Night Stalker. I think Cobra is down in South Beach.

[A]

I do House and I went to breakfast and I was walking him through the movies on the list because he didn't remember some of them.

[B]

Fun.

[C]

That's a fun breakfast.

[B]

Great breakfast.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If somebody had overheard it, they would have thought we were just two lunatics. But we get to Cobra, I'm like, cobra. Stallone just lost his mind. He just loses his mind. And at one point, he eats pizza by cutting it with scissors. He kills 230 people and mumbles all his lines and has a toothpick in his mouth. And it's an incoherent movie that we both love.

[C]

There's no guardrails. Just do anything sly. Nothing. It's. It's no One stepping in to tell him that would never happen. And that's why it's fun to watch.

[B]

That's the Dolphins too.

[A]

I had over the top in that spot for many of the same reasons you just laid out. Completely ridiculous, incomprehensible, not sure why it happened. Multiple major, major holes in the movie and yet still weirdly enjoyable. Okay, that means I am now up, so I can't believe I'm doing that. I hate the AFC South. I really do. And it's tough, isn't it? I've changed my mind on the Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Tennessee thing. And I thought I had kind of landed on Indianapolis for a split second. And then the Danny Dimes thing. I just can't do Jacksonville. My body keeps rejecting it like a kidney. It's understandable. And I keep kind of veering toward Tennessee for the second place spot maybe, which we already have bets on them finishing in fourth place. So it's like a zag just on things we bet on. And it really comes down to like, they have a good offensive line.

[C]

Yep, they do.

[A]

They might have a quarterback who's special right away, which we've seen year after year after year now where this one quarterback will come in and just be good right away. They have some things they can do. Like maybe they'll have a little bit of a pass rush. Yeah, maybe they'll have an easy schedule so you can kind of start talking yourself into pieces. But it's really the Cam Ward piece.

[B]

I want to ask Kyle this and I want to ask it in a way that won't get him in trouble with anybody.

[A]

Okay, go on, go on.

[B]

I didn't see any team last year that was worse coached than the Tennessee Titans.

[A]

Well, so that was, that was the special teams like some. But how much of that was Will Levis, though?

[B]

Will Levis didn't play special teams. Their special teams were an abomination. Now I know that they, they brought in, you know, an adult finally on that, that side of it, but I'm just going to put it politely. I have Maddy Callahan questions. I have Callahan questions.

[C]

How about. And.

[B]

And until those get answered.

[A]

Why is this making Kyle uncomfortable? They talk about shit like this every day. A good morning football.

[C]

I don't put the toe the league line that hard. It's how it's cool. House. I. I'm the only one who's critical. It's fine.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

Good.

[C]

I don't think they're going to fire me because I say the Titans coach has questions.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They're like, hey, did you hear what Kyle agreed with this Tennessee coach?

[B]

I thought they were point shaving last year. That's how bad it was.

[C]

Yeah, I have.

[B]

I call them the Tennessee Point Shavers.

[A]

I never told you my movie for them.

[C]

Oh, yeah, what do you got?

[A]

Kindergarten Cop. Because Kindergarten Cop first of all, gives the feeling of youth, which is what they have with Cam Ward, right? It's like, oh, he's too young. They can't do anything. He just got there. The team's a mess. Kindergarten Cop's a movie that, when you saw the trailer, you just assumed it was going to be terrible. Yeah. And I'm old enough, unfortunately, to remember seeing the trailer. Like, oh, man, Arnold's really lost it. What the fuck is he making this movie? This is just going to be a bomb. I can't believe. And then it turned out to be really good. I know.

[C]

It's. It's one of these annoying things that our heroes all did, is they're like, I. I can't do action movies forever. I gotta show my diversity. Like, God damn it, just make the action movies. It's like when you go to a concert of a band you loved in the 80s, and you're like, hey, this is one of our new ones. Oh, shit, I'm going for a beer. It's like, that. Don't do that. But they do.

[A]

And it worked in this case. So I got them.

[C]

Twins worked, and a lot of them worked for him.

[A]

House, you have. Are you next? Yeah, I lost track, Bill.

[C]

Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

Give it to Kyle while you go. Yeah, I think Kyle hasn't gone.

[C]

All right. I like that. We. I feel like. Like a janitor just mopping up the hallways of the AFC South. Yeah, we have to do it.

[A]

The real point is it doesn't really matter who goes at this point, but you go. Who do you have?

[C]

All right, I'm going to go to Duval county at the Jags. I got the. I got the Jags. I'll take this one for us, Bill. And this one is on a T for what the movie is. This is definitely double impact. This is like, listen, back in the day, people were like, we need more Van Damage. We need two Van Dammes in one movie. And, House, I'll give you one wild guess who gets a screenwriting credit for this movie? Take a guess.

[B]

I can't.

[C]

I can't imagine Jean Claude Van Damme screenwriting fucking credit on the screen. My hot take, Bill, about. About Double Impact is that Sinners is just a Ripoff of Double Impact. And Michael B. Studied tape of Van Damme and that smoke and stack were just Alex and Chad totally ripped off. Van Damme did it first.

[B]

That's great. That's great.

[C]

But obviously the connection is Travis Hunter. They're in a Double Impact. He needs to do two characters. They drafted him to be the defensive guy, the wide receiver guy, and we'll see if it works. Double Impact doesn't totally work. Trevor Lawrence in this case would be Bolo Yeung. He was like great physical gifts but never really wins. So that's where I'm at. It's right there for you. Double Impact. Travis Hunter.

[A]

I really like it. I don't have a lot of notes other than to mention that not only did Van Damme co write the movie, I wonder if he bought First Draft. Do you think he loaded it into his computer? Do you think Van Damme had a computer? No, but he plays twins and he plays the twins differently. But you know, even in Sinners, the twins, they're a little different, but they sound Van Damme's like, no, one guy is going to be this guy and the other guy. And it's a really bad movie that I can't believe we haven't done.

[C]

On the rewatch, there's a part where a woman starts to put her hand down Van Damme's pants and she goes, am I going to get a surprise? And he goes, yeah, big surprise. And you're like, jesus, what are we doing here? Kick somebody.

[A]

He wrote that.

[C]

Big surprise.

[A]

The big penis.

[C]

Yes, that's him.

[A]

He liked that one. That's great. All right, three teams left. You can have Indianapolis, the Jets or Cleveland here.

[B]

I'm taking the jets and we're squarely in the. In the Seagal Van Dam division. I think movie wise. Right.

[A]

It's got to be one of those. So if I can suggest a movie here as action. So my a. I mean, you could do the running man, the double entendre. Because Aaron Glenn is saying, we're just running. Yeah, we're just going to run the ball a lot and then we're going to keep running it.

[B]

Is there a scenario where the jets can win eight or nine games this season?

[A]

I mean. Yeah. How many Justin Fields conversations have you had on the show in five years?

[B]

He's pulling his hair out.

[C]

Yeah. And you know why? I've seen a lot of Justin Fields. A lot, a lot. And he is like the greatest person and the greatest employee and he doesn't say shit. And he works really hard and he gets his ass kicked. He almost never wins the game he starts. And then when he finally did win some games, Mike Tomlin benched him. For Russell Wilson, it's a very odd legacy. So I love him, I'm rooting for him. But like, it's also the longest playoff drought in like, major professional sports. So is this. Did Justin Fields in year one of Aaron Glenn's going to break it? I don't think it's likely.

[A]

I went back in my notes from last year for all the podcasts I hosted to just try to jog my memory because we always get amnesia after the season and before they bench Fields, there was a game that they won. But I did a whole section. I wrote out a whole section to do in the pod about like, Fields doesn't have it. They actually have to go to Russell Wilson. He's not good enough because he just, you know, especially if you're down. What was that game? Was that maybe Dallas where they were down and he had to do a drive at the end. He's just not accurate enough.

[C]

I know.

[A]

So it might be. I think I've said before, I think they're going to be the tease buster this year. There's going to be like two games this year that they win 16 to nine and they have the lead the whole game. And you had the other team as part of a three team, 10 point tease. And you can't believe, like Cincinnati's losing to the jets in the fourth quarter. Let's go to Cincinnati where Justin Fields just ran. I was like, I can't believe I bet on Cincinnati. What am I doing?

[B]

I just, I'm not going to bet anything involving the jets because their defense and Aaron Glenn together, like, there's still talent on that defense. It was a disaster. What, what happened with that, with, with Salah leaving and, and the difference between what, you know, what that defense was capable of when Salah was still there, that was the only unit that had any kind of semblance of like, competent football. And I mean, the schedule is the problem.

[C]

All right.

[A]

We're in a terrible pace. We got to keep moving.

[C]

We ran running man for that.

[A]

Bill, let's do. Yeah, let's lock down the running man for that.

[C]

Okay, good.

[A]

All right. All right. You have the second and last one here, Kyle. And then I'll, I'll go last. You can have Indianapolis or Cleveland. Tough, tough podcast already for Danny Dimes.

[C]

I. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go Cleveland and I'm gonna go Jim Kata.

[A]

Jim Got. You're going wild card.

[C]

Wild card, Jim Carter. Cleveland is like, we have Miles Garrett, and that's it. Jim Cotta is like, we have a pommel horse, and we will kick the shit out of you with it. I don't care what else is going on. You give us a pommel horse, and we will kick. That's all It's. It's really like, one asset that they're bringing and all kinds of other shit going on with quarterbacks and ninjas and attacks. I got the Cleveland Browns, Jim Carter, Bill. And I hope I didn't steal your wild card.

[A]

So does this mean you've watched Jim Carter?

[C]

I've seen Jim Carter in, like, a seamstress. Like, in pieces.

[A]

I've been poking you with it for the last couple years. Oh, well, for rewatchables, I'm just like, hey, can you check out Jim Carter? Like, he badgered me for. Out for justice for two years, and I finally did it, and guess what? I was. It made my year. I'm so happy that I. That I dove in out for justice. He won't oblige. With Jim Kata.

[B]

You can't do a full hour on Jim Kata. How do you do it?

[A]

Oh, we definitely can do two hours. It's in the running for the worst sports movie of all time because it's Kurt Thomas as Kurt Thomas, coming off the 84 Olympics star gymnastics. And they make an action movie for him, and he just has to do gymnastics action shit.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

It's a mesmerizing movie. It's one of the funniest movies ever.

[B]

Watch it.

[C]

It's stunning.

[A]

Yeah. All right, I'm going to take Indianapolis then. Who somehow fell to the 16 seat in this? So we're going to do True lies here.

[C]

Ah. All right, Go on.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[C]

Now do it.

[A]

Um, I just think a lot of lies left and right coming from this franchise, just things that the Richardson and I. All of it just seems. I don't think they had any intention of bringing him back. I think there's a lot of stuff behind the scenes with that they're saying that we're not seeing. They spent money on dimes to come in. Dimes is not remotely close to the guy he was in 2022, and he wasn't even that good. And I just think they're out on Richardson, and I don't even know. Like, I would have tried to trade him in August, just be like, you know what? We fucked this up. It was the fourth pick in the draft, we took a swing.

[B]

I have two questions about that.

[A]

Yeah. Kyle was.

[B]

How invested was Shane Steichen in that draft pick?

[A]

I think very.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that the story?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Stake Stichen.

[C]

That was the guy. They were like, we're going to find the weapon of tomorrow.

[B]

That was to say it was Steichen, I think.

[C]

I mean, when you draft a quarterback that high, the owner is very involved as well. Especially that owner.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

That was.

[C]

I don't even know what. Ballard. Who was it? Was it Ballard, Stike and Ursay? Maybe that's why we are where we are.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

True Lies is a good movie and Indianapolis is going to be a bad team. And. And by the way, we have to stop talking about them because we're way behind on pace now. And we're going to go to the nfc. We're going to take a break, and we're going to rip through the nfc.

[C]

All right.

[A]

We're coming back. We just did the afc. We each had a different one seed for the afc. I can't wait to see what happens in the nfc. Plus, we have a lot of good movies left, including, I think we have Under Siege, above the Law, over the Top, Terminator's available, Point Break, Rainbow 2, Sudden Death, Toy Soldiers is still available. Under Siege 2, Rocky 4, above the Law, Demolition Man, Couple Wild Cards, Bloodsport. So we have some good stuff here. And Kyle, you're going to lead us off with. I don't think it'll be a surprising 1 seed for the NFC, but who you got?

[C]

I got the Lions. Wow. I do.

[A]

Surprise. I'm surprised.

[C]

We're both the Lions. I know. And I know all the attention is on Philly. I'm going to go with the Lions, and I'm going to go with Under Siege for the Detroit Lions. Ryback is just like, I'm just a cook, and Campbell's like, I'm just a coach. But, you know, both of them want to get in there and kick ass. You got all these new weapons. It's. There's Tommy Lee, there's Busey. Jameer Gibbs is a Laniac, just hot as hell, fulfilling different kinds of fantasies. It's under siege. The Lions is exactly what they are.

[A]

That's great. I have them lower in the seeds than I had Under Siege two for them. So I thought that's pretty funny.

[C]

Wow. Fucking awesome.

[A]

I love that you got Under Siege one. That's the difference in how we feel about the Lions. He's feeling an under siege season. I'm more in the Under Siege 2. I was telling House about Under Siege because I don't think he'd ever seen it. And as soon as I got to Erica Leniak jumping out of a birthday cake, he was like, say no more. I'll watch it.

[C]

I'm in.

[A]

So, Lions, you're not worried about coordinators? Yeah, so that would be like. In this case, it'd be like, it's Die Hard on a boat. We're not worried about. It's too close to Die Hard.

[C]

But all those movies are like, you know, the odds are against Dan Campbell. That's just the way he likes it. This season is about, like, are you just some meathead who had really smart coordinators and this is going to catch up with you, or is Dan Campbell truly like Mike Ditka? Is he the real thing? We'll find out. I think he is.

[A]

So here's. I just want to make this as a psa. You can't be all in on the Bears and Ben Johnson being a genius and how great he's going to be for the Bears, but then also be all in on the Lions being good this year.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Like, it's. To me, that's the seesaw. And you got to pick a side on the seesaw.

[B]

Yeah, I know which side.

[A]

So if you don't think. If you don't think the Ben Johnson loss is going to be a huge thing for Detroit, then you can't also then pick the bears to go 11 and 6, because Ben Johnson's their coach. All right, I'm gonna take. I'm gonna take Philly here.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

This was a pretty easy movie. It's. I had Rambo, First Blood two. First Blood, big movie. Influential. The best acting is Stallone's career. Other than maybe. Maybe the Mickey dying scene.

[C]

So much to do.

[B]

It's so much to do.

[A]

So Rambo, they're making First Blood 2. There weren't a ton of sequels. The sequel thing had really started in the late 70s and they started to feel money grabby by around 84, 85. It's like, ah, they're bringing this back. Boy, was I glad they did.

[C]

I know.

[A]

And they took it. They blew it out. They threw some steroids, literally and figuratively into it. They made it absurd. It had iconic moments and scenes and was in some ways better than the first movie. I still. I still like the first movie.

[C]

More weapons, more muscles. There's a love story in it. There's helicopters shooting. They're just giant creases in there. It's Just like put it all in. Yes. More, more, more. It's. It was like the Bash Brothers of a movie. Yeah, just like big beefy forearms and muscles and hitting jacks. House, it was great.

[A]

So Eagles, they won the super bowl last year. So how do you top that? Well, just fucking make it more cartoony.

[B]

Run it more.

[A]

Run the tush every time.

[B]

Run it back, baby.

[A]

Try to see if Devonta smith can get 200 yards in a game.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Just come up with the fake. Hurts, injury. So Tanner McKee, you can, you can showcase him for a game because you're trying to trade him before week seven. I'm ready for all of it. And that's my pick. House, you're up third pick.

[B]

Out of respect to the Washington franchise, I'm not going to select them here. Okay. But I am going to select the Green Bay Packers. Out of respect for the nfc, it is high. That's exactly right. But I think that this is a 10 to 11 win team. And the winner of the NFC West, I have around 10 wins, not much more than that. And the winner of the NFC south is like a 10 win team. So I'm fine with Green. I think Green Bay, the combination of their head coach and their quarterback, if their quarterback is healthy all season long, I like that combo better than any of the other divisions. But mainly because the LA Rams with Matthew Stafford's back have taken, you know, a significant drop for me. I would have had the Rams honestly in this spot because of how much progress their defense made last season. Their defense was incredible the last six games of the season. So the Rams would have been. But I'm not touching an old quarterback with a bad back. So I'm putting Green Bay in here because of. Out of respect for lafleur, out of respect for Jordan Love and their defense, they, they changed that defensive coordinator. And very quietly, Jeff hath me had a good season last season. I thought they're still thin, the secondary, Green Bay, but help me, help me out here. A quality team. They gave the Eagles everything the Eagles wanted.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[B]

They were right there.

[A]

So the profile is basically, they're young, they're coming on. Could this be the year, the year away? What are we getting from Jordan Love? I had Point Break written down for them.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

It's like Keanu had been in our life for a few years. Could he lead a movie? Swayze's coming off Ghost and Roadhouse. It's like, could he be a bleach blonde, cool surfer?

[B]

So the Swayze, Keanu Is your lafleur Jordan Love.

[A]

There were just questions when it's coming out, but I also really wanted to see it and then it delivered. So House's case put in Green Bay hair, yours. There's some young pieces here.

[C]

Could it be? What's crazy about Green Bay, too, is, like, House, like, there's. There's no buzz. They're very quiet. Yeah. Because everyone's talking about the Bears and the lions and what's J.J. mcCarthy and look like. They're by far the most quiet team in the league. That's probably good. I don't know if we saw Point Break. Kathryn Bigelow, middle of summer hit. Like being that big of a hit. I Point Breaks, one of my favorite movies of all time. I think it was way better than everybody thought. That would be Green Bay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Good one.

[A]

So we have a top three of Detroit, Philly and Green Bay. Interesting. Two division champions. Not even brought up yet. You have the fourth pick. Kyle, who do you have?

[C]

All right, well, I'm going to need some help from the sommelier because my picks here at the top of the nfc, the movies are all gone, so.

[A]

So we'll go some way to some here.

[C]

Yeah, I need help. I have the Buccaneers. I have them right there for a bunch of reasons. Not only is the NFC south pretty light, I like Baker, I like Bulls. And nobody plays the Eagles harder than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Ask any Eagles fan. Who plays them the best? The Bucs. They knocked them out of the playoffs a couple of years ago. They play awesome. If they were to run into Philly in the playoffs, they could beat them. But I also had Bill. I had written down that Baker has bodhi energy. It's not tragic to die doing what you love, but Point Break is off the board. So are you feeling anything for, like, young hotshot Baker? Lot of baggage there. It hasn't got it done yet. What do you think?

[A]

So this was my favorite one of the 32 for the movie and one of the reasons I came up with this dumb idea that people are probably pouring gasoline in the room.

[C]

This is awesome.

[A]

I'm having a great time. I don't care if people like this or not.

[C]

I am, too.

[A]

For me, it's obviously toy soldiers. Baker Mayfield, Sean Astin. Young, scrappy Sean Astin can't be the lead of a movie. What are we doing? He's five, seven. He's going to be John McClain in a boarding school. Saving a boarding school from terrorists. This movie's ridiculous. How is it working? And same Thing for Tampa. Like, this is ridiculous. How are they. Godwin's coming back from an ACL. They've lost McMillan for a half year. This Ohio State receiver miraculous. He falls to them at 21. Who's going to be awesome.

[B]

He's going to be awesome.

[A]

Mike Evans is still good. Like, what are we doing? How are you Worfs? They're not going to have for four weeks. How are they scoring 38 points in this game? I just think it's going to be a lot. And then you have scrappy underdog tiny Baker Mayfield, AKA Sean Astley.

[C]

Yeah, I thought. I thought that Todd Bowles would be Lou Gossip, but Mike Evans is so old, I think it might be him. And I also think that Toy Story or not Toy Story. Toy Soldiers. The villain is really bad. Right? We've talked about that. Like, that villain's not great. The NFC South. The villain is not very good. Like, there's not someone who's really intimidating there. So I love, you know, I love Toy Soldiers. Was great call.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know who Wil Wheaton is in this because when we. Kyle and I broke this down two years ago and we slow mo'd a couple Will Wheaton scenes and just went like, really, really intensely in on some of the stuff he was doing. I don't know who that. That character is in this. Tampa.

[C]

It was gotta be Bucky Irving. He's looking to fight, but, like, maybe not really. I like. I like Bucky. He's up and coming. He's going. I think Jason Light, the GM is Marcus Brody from the Indiana Jones. Like, we could do the whole casting bill. The fact that what launched what we're doing is perfect. Toy Soldiers in the Bucks. I'm in.

[A]

All right, so now we have Detroit, Philly, Green Bay, Tampa. I am up with the five seed. And it's a team that I actually had a whiff higher than that. And I'm just confessing. This is full confession time because I think I'm locked in house is not going to like this.

[B]

Oh, it's fine.

[A]

It's the Seattle Seahawks, who I think are going to win the NFC West.

[C]

Okay. I love this.

[A]

I have. I needed a. Nobody believes in this team. They qualify. I couldn't find one in either conference.

[B]

How do they qualify for? No. They won 10 games last season.

[A]

They're plus 550 to win the NFC west in a division that I think any of those four teams you could make a case for.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

YS Seattle plus 550 on FanDuel. There's almost 6 to 1 odds they're going to win the division. They were good. They had the division last year. They almost won it.

[C]

People are not excited about Sam Donald. Let's just say what it is.

[A]

Which means nobody believes in this thing. But this is the nobody knows this part. They don't believe in Sam Darnold. He already went through this last year. They thought they got the receivers worse. They don't believe in Cooper Cup.

[B]

They.

[A]

But everyone's just blindly in the Niners. And from a zag standpoint, I think it's the best zag of the eight divisions where there's a case for it. I know their offensive line, Kubiak doing the zone blocking. Everybody's excited about that. They nailed the gray zable pick. They nailed the draft house.

[B]

They did.

[A]

They didn't change the draft.

[B]

I agree with that.

[A]

And guess what else they have. They have a defense that might be a top five defense.

[B]

It's a very good defense.

[A]

If you're making your top five defense draft, they have to be one of the candidates. They have a home field advantage. And I don't think their division is going to be very good because of the Stafford piece you mentioned earlier. So I have Seattle and my movie is Sudden Death.

[C]

Oh, awesome.

[A]

Sudden Death is a nobody believes in us movie.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They pitched this and the people in the room were like, no way. Stop. It's like, so Van Damme. It's like Die Hard, but it's during a hockey game. It's a Penguins game.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Van Damme is basically going through a divorce. He's kind of a loser. He's like a security guard type guy. And he's going to have to foil this terrorist attack. And at some point he's gonna play goal in the movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And everyone in the room's like, I don't believe this. We shouldn't make this. I don't wanna commit. And they're like, just trust me. Just trust me. And guess what? We've already done the rewatchables. It's a magical movie.

[C]

And they said, well, what if we have a scene where he fights the mascot in a kitchen? Would that work? Yes. Everything House. The best thing about this movie is, can you imagine if a team. If a moviemaker went to the NFL and they're like, can we have a thing where the Steelers and Cowboys are playing and the whole stadium's rigged with bombs and it's gonna explode? And they're like, fuck, no. The NHL'? Whenever you're going to make a movie about hockey. Take our jerseys, whatever you want. Fine.

[A]

If you want to blow up both teams, fine.

[C]

Do it.

[A]

Check. So Seahawks. Nobody believes in them. Nobody believed it said.

[B]

And I definitely don't believe in them.

[A]

Well, there you go. It's perfect. Pick. House, you're up.

[B]

I have San Francisco 49ers here, and, you know, this is the right place for them, I think, where there is a. Been a. A large market movement in favor of. Of the 49ers winning the West.

[A]

You know, they have people, they're penciled.

[B]

In the win total.

[A]

It's just. The NFC west is done. Just put them in there. They're the champs.

[B]

It's just that they're.

[A]

They're.

[B]

They're the. The favorite. I mean, it's not, you know, it's.

[A]

Still like everyone has them in the playoffs. Everyone's doing the three and three out. Well, the Niners will definitely be one of the team. They're just in. And Meanwhile, they lost 10 guys who signed contracts for at least 10 million a year on top of, like, McCaffrey. Who knows? We don't know when IUK's coming back. They're already having, like, major wide receiver stuff. I don't know.

[C]

I signed up this week. They. They just brought. They traded for Brian Robinson Jr. From Commanders. Yeah, really good running back.

[B]

Like, really good.

[C]

I just had a fantasy draft, and that was fucking everybody up. I think he's going to get carries. I do.

[B]

He's definitely going to get carries. He's a tough guy. This is one where you have to invest in, you know, the regression, which is to say they're not going to have the injury luck that they had last year. They're not going to have the worst defense in the second half of football games. They were an abomination in the fourth quarter of football games last year. The defense was a bottom five defense in all of those. Those metrics. You say that Robert Sala with these guys starting from scratch.

[A]

Robert, a kid. Salah. I know.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

Triggs is probably texting him right now.

[B]

And they have the.

[A]

Text me after you put the kids to Beth. I have some questions about the secondary.

[C]

Do you know I once had an exchange with Robert Sal that I'll you where I was like, dude, you're. You're ripped. Like, you are so huge. What. What are you on? Like, would you. Do you take some sort of, like, creatine or. He's like, no, I'm on. I'm on. Phw. And I was like, what's Phw. I'm googling it. Phw. I go, what the hell is that? He goes, pure hard work. And I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. Pure hard work. I love it. It was an amazing story.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Phw. So you have the Niners winning the NFC West. You did a movie.

[B]

I bet it. And I bet the Niners to win the AFC West. Even though I think Arizona has a good, you know, it's an interesting team. I just can't do anything with the Rams.

[A]

You disparage Seattle and you like Arizona.

[B]

I think Arizona is better than Seattle.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And I think that's the way it's going to work out this year.

[A]

Sounds like we're going to have to make a head to head bet.

[B]

It's fine. Well, it says, give me a movie for San Francisco. They have the easiest schedule in the NFL. That's part of the case.

[A]

I have a good one for this, but I stole the last one spot.

[C]

So you do yours, Bill, if you have a good.

[A]

I want to hear yours.

[C]

No, my. My Niner, because my Niners pick was. Was Cliffhanger. Just because, like, everything's so tragic with the front 49ers constantly. And that cliffhanger is tragic, but the cliffhangers aren't being used. So what do you got?

[A]

So I was thinking above the Law. Because it's them coming out of the coma.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's. That's hard to kill. Hard to kill is coming out of the coma.

[A]

I mixed up my Seagals.

[C]

So your three word titles, they're tough.

[A]

They're tough.

[C]

But that's why I'm here.

[A]

I. I mean, I would argue if. If I'm not the preeminent Seagal expert you are.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

And even I messed up the title just now.

[C]

We all do.

[A]

I just got above the law and Hard to Kill screwed up. Well, I'm going to go Hard to kill for this. Maybe. House, that could be your random, your surprise pick.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

So Hard to Kill Seagal gets shot after a sex scene with his wife. That became a rewatchables category.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

Because Seagal just starts going at it with the actress in a way that it's uncomfortable.

[B]

Oh, it's.

[A]

It's. So we had, like, we had to create a category for, like, this movie needed an intimacy coordinator.

[C]

What's crazy is later in the movie, he has a sex scene with his future wife. And they have no chemistry.

[A]

Right? No chemistry at all. He's way more chemistry with this actress. But anyway, he's in a coma. Comes out of the coma, hasn't done anything for five years. And sees Senator Trent on the TV and Senator Chen says, you can take that to the bank. And he's in. The first words he says is, I'm going to take you to the bank, the blood bank. And then all of a sudden has his strength back.

[C]

Well, that's.

[A]

Nobody's ever come back from a coma faster.

[B]

That would be San Francisco coming back.

[A]

Yes. Hard to kill is the case.

[B]

Great.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Love it. I'm in.

[A]

All right, you're up. Kyle Brandt. This would be the seventh seed on your board. Playoff team right here.

[C]

I got the Cowboys. Whoa. I got the Schottenheimer Cowboys.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

And my movie comp is Last Action Hero.

[A]

I had that as well for them.

[C]

See, Bill, the fanduel odds of how many times can we nail the same movie on the same team? Why? Because it's just so fucking much. It's overproduced, it's loud. There's so many cameos you can't keep track of. It's still pretty good if you watch it. But what is Last Action Hero most remembered for? The soundtrack. Cypress Hill, Alice in Chains. And it's all the sound bites coming from Dallas and all the nonsense and the blather. But the movie is still pretty good. Even though it's just a fucking lot. Last Action Hero. Cowboys.

[A]

Big budget. Arnold. Lot of attention, ultimately disappointing.

[C]

It's the perfect pick.

[A]

It was one of the only. No brainer. It has to be Dallas. I had them lower on the list.

[B]

Than I have them lower ranked. But the movie is a great movie.

[A]

The. So the case is basically when Dak Prescott plays, they're usually pretty good. Yeah, they weren't good last year just with Dak Prescott just before he got it. Just that play. All right, I'm up. I am taking the Bears of Chicago.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I might change this before Thursday, but right now I have them as a seven seed. I'm actually buying the Ben Johnson type.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

And they've just, they've had good drafts, they've spent a lot of money. They beefed up stuff. Their biggest question is this left tackle thing where they just basically had an entire off season audition for this left tackle and then landed on the same guy they had last year, which I thought was enjoyable.

[C]

Braxton Jones.

[A]

They just have a lot of talent and they have an easier schedule and easier road than those other teams. Even though they're playing all the NFC north teams, the road is easy.

[C]

When did you know Jayden Daniels was good. And you had the moment immediately. The moment Bill I started trusting Ben Johnson was there was a moment early in training camp where he screamed at Caleb like was tearing him apart. He gets to the press conference, the press goes, what was that about with Caleb? And he's like, he was late on the throw. He can't be late. And he knows that. And now he knows that even better. I was like, holy shit. Like, Caleb is the ultimate nil. Self made millionaire. Everybody kisses his butt. And now Ben Johnson's like, fuck you, kid. Like, be on time with my throw. I love it.

[A]

One other thing with them, they play The Vikings Week 1, Monday Night Football at home.

[C]

And they're catching the Vikings.

[A]

Catching the Vikings at an optimal time where there's a bunch of shit going on with them. And if you want to play them, you want to play them that week. Then they're at Detroit, home, Dallas at Vegas, bye week at Commanders and then home Saints. And it really feels like they could be 5 and 2 coming out of that.

[B]

They have to be have because the bottom gets harder. Their schedule is brutal. They have Green Bay twice. They're on the road at San Francisco in week 17. They host the Lions.

[A]

Everybody in that division has a tough, tough road. So my movie for them is Rocky 4.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

You know, nobody believed in Caleb Williams. Could he be the guy? I know he got drafted. Just bear with me.

[C]

Sorry. Go, go, Cook.

[A]

Just bear with me.

[B]

Okay, Cook.

[A]

Because deep down there's this whole Bears QB thing that's lingered over the franchise forever. And then if he actually gets over the hump and the Russians are now cheering for Caleb Williams, it becomes a. You know, when I first got here, a lot of people were saying the Bears would never have a QB, but I guess it's better than 400 million people killing each other. And if I could change and just, I don't know, it would be Caleb climbing the mountain.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And doing the Drago. Jim McMahon doing the Drago yell.

[C]

He's in Lambeau Field. And it's like a few cheers now for Caleb Williams. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I don't know. For some reason, Rocky for strike.

[B]

I do love that I have him over 4,000 yards this year. I bet that he's going to do it, I think. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, if Luther Burden's good, they might be genuinely dangerous.

[B]

The schedule is the problem.

[A]

But do you have a Loveland jersey yet, Kyle, or.

[C]

No, I have a Colston Loveland jersey. I have an Alama Days, a KISS jersey. I have a Braxton Jones jersey, a Joe Tune. I have them all. I can go get them right now. Yes, I do.

[A]

Do you have them as a playoff team?

[C]

I do have them as a playoff team. My list is getting convoluted, but, yes, I think I do. And for no other reason than, like, if not now, when their defensive coordinator is perfect, it's Dennis Allen, who's not good as a head coach, but a great defense coordinator. So many weapons. But I think to your point, Bill, like, the most interesting game of week one for me is Vikings at Bears. And the team that has to win the most week one is the Bears. If you lose at home to J.J. mcCarthy without Jordan Addison, like, that's so bad. So bad.

[A]

Okay, house. Oh, no, we. We house. We skip you on this one. We go back to Kyle for the next pick.

[C]

Okay. I actually have the Vikings.

[A]

What? Yeah.

[C]

Wait, what number are we?

[A]

This would be, I think number nine. No, no, no.

[C]

All right. Are we eight or nine?

[A]

Let's see.

[B]

Nine, because you had the Cowboys at seven.

[A]

Detroit, Philly, Green Bay, Tampa, Seattle, San Francisco, Dallas, Chicago. We're nine now.

[C]

Take the Vikings back. But I actually might ch even crazier team.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

In my eight spot, I have the New York Giants.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I love it. This is.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Love it. You got to help me not to do it. Is the. Is the schedule is, like, the scariest.

[B]

It's the hardest schedule in the NFL.

[A]

Okay, let's hear it.

[C]

I. I have to tell you guys, I love you. Like, I hate schedule talk. I hate it. I think it's usually so misleading. It's all based on last year.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

It's a pretty daunting. Like, that team might end up sucking or have a million injuries. Like, there's so much turnover. I'm personally not intimidated by schedules. I just. Not my movie. It was already taken, but it was perfect. It was Kindergarten Cop. Like, there's just all these fun little kids. You know what I mean? There's scatter boo and there's dart and there's neighbors, and Dable and Russ are like Schwarzenegger and his partner. And also in the history of the New York Giants, they have a player who's named Amani Toomer. So I don't have another movie. It's Kindergarten Cop. And I just. The question is. And let's talk Giants house. I have it over. Under. When does Jackson start? Jackson dart start?

[B]

Yeah, I have it.

[C]

Week 4.5. What do you think? Wow.

[B]

I. I thought it was going to be a little bit Longer.

[A]

Like, I think it's in. I think it's in September. So I. You. You can't do kindergarten, cockroach. You took it. Can I suggest.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

First blood. And here's why. Did we do first blood yet? We did first blood, too. Did we do first blood?

[C]

I don't remember.

[A]

Hold on, I'm looking through. Yeah, we didn't do.

[C]

We did, Jim Carter.

[A]

I know that we didn't do first blood.

[B]

The problem with the Giants at the spot, there's a cognitive dissonance here, right? Because if they're going to go to Jackson Dart in four or four games in, that means that they've lost.

[C]

No.

[A]

Or he's so good, they want. They feel like they have a pretty good team and they want to activate him. Here's why I would go first blood.

[C]

Or they're two and two and he just. Russ hasn't been good. And they run the ball and play defense and they're like, russ, you got us on the ground. But now let's go to the kid.

[B]

And the kid works and he gets to go to the Saints and they go three and two at this point.

[C]

Sounds great.

[A]

Let me do my first blood. Case. You've interrupted me twice. We know you don't like the Giants pick.

[C]

Didn't you go over this at breakfast?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I did. Jackson Dart is just John Rambo walking through a small town, trying to get some breakfast, trying to stay out of everybody's way. And then he gets activated and fucking unleashes holy hell. And it's about the 20 minute mark of the movie, basically, when all of a sudden he's a superhero. That would be the case here for Jackson Dart. When the Giants gets unleashed, it's like, oh, my God, he took down those three guys in the prison cell, stole a moped and went into the mountains. This guy's a fucking badass. That would be the first webcast I really tried to talk myself into. The Giants going 9 and 8. And that was the one schedule where I was like, holy shit, guys.

[C]

Don't be scared by the fucking schedules. Look at the teams and like, don't worry about the schedules.

[B]

They gonna beat the Chiefs. No. Even though it's at home. Are they gonna beat the Chargers at home? Maybe. I don't hate that.

[A]

I hate Giants fans. Cause they took two Super Bowls for me and remind me about it all the time. I'd actually be happy for them if the Giants were good. Like, if Scatterbo is getting goal line carries and Jackson darts good.

[B]

That is Fun.

[A]

And they have, like, a pass rush. That's the 07 giants again. It's like, this is fun.

[B]

Tremendous. Yeah.

[C]

You know, and they. And they go to Russ and they go, after four weeks, Russ, it's over. And he goes, nothing. It's over, Russ.

[A]

Well, the other case for them, and this is, sadly, does not apply to Indianapolis because they're not going to be good. But this is a. We all get fired if the season doesn't work out to you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So if they think Jackson darts good, they're going to play him. Yeah.

[C]

There's a different kind of pressure with the Giants. Like, I think all those three other teams in the division have to do incredible things this year. The Giants are like, let's be like, pretty good this year. And we have things to build on. I love Dable. I think he'll work. I do. I believe once they get Darden.

[A]

All right, so I'm up and I'm delighted because House interrupted me twice with the last team. Now I'm just going to take his team here. The Washington Commanders. I do not have them as a playoff team. They. They fit just about every regression exercise you're ever going to do. They check all the boxes. I'm still not sure if Jaden Daniels can be healthy for 17 games, even though I respect the guy. Here's the thing. If they're a playoff team again, then Jaden Daniels just moves into that Josh Allen group of just. They. He's 10 wins a year for the rest of his life. I think this was a team that the fourth downlock last year. The schedule, the new coach replacing the new coach. Bump. So many things went in their favor. They fucking completed a hail Mary and ruined the Bears season. They just had a couple ridiculous wins. I'm going Demolition man for them for this season.

[C]

Do.

[A]

Should have. It looks good on paper. This movie should have been awesome. You got Stallone and Snipes and Sandra Bullock just feeling her oats out. Cool premise. There's a cryo prison. Yeah, I gotta chase somebody. And it just.

[C]

Dennis Leary.

[A]

The pieces just didn't totally work. By the way, I've watched Demolition Man 12 times. The pieces never really fit together. And I think that's going to be this Washington. What?

[B]

Pieces aren't fitting together for Washington.

[A]

Much harder schedule.

[C]

What about the wide receiver?

[A]

Still holding out.

[B]

Oh, he's got. He's playing. He'll be in week one under the old contract.

[A]

You spent some money on these two defensive line guys who didn't really play last year. I'M not sure about your secondary at all.

[B]

You got old secondary is better now. It's the oldest team in the NFL. The one thing I'll say out loud, I won't say the line because I respect you and cousin Sal. The line. They are favored by a number that is inappropriate against the New York Giants. One of the best bets for week one is playing the New York Giants against, you know, taking the number. Historically those teams play each other tough. The front seven for the Giants is as good as any. The only case that I'll make for Washington is they got markedly better on offense. Assuming McLaren's back for week one. I keep assuming that they're markedly better. The line is better that what they have in terms of a double headed running back tandem with Rodriguez and Bill Jacori, whatever. The extra hyphen guy. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Hyphen change. But call me Bill. But I have three other names and.

[B]

Debo in a Kingsbury system. I think it's going to be a dynamic offense counter.

[C]

Go on.

[A]

Did we see Debo's best years already?

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Doesn't matter.

[A]

Are you going to have the same luck you had last year?

[B]

Did we see Austin Eckler's Best years.

[A]

Previous 20 for 23 and 4th down conversions and completed a Hail Mary.

[B]

They're going to keep going for it. Third and fourth down. They're going to play four four down offense all season long. I'm not saying that they're going to convert that number. I have them stepping back. They're not going to win 12 games this season.

[A]

I have the Kyle.

[C]

I have them just on the outside and I. I'll tell you, House, I'm not talking shit here. I think they lose week one to the Giants. I just.

[B]

I'm petrified of it.

[C]

I.

[B]

You're not talking shit. I. I think that's a very, very sound observation.

[A]

More importantly, we've never done Demolition man on the rewatchables. Where do you stand on it?

[C]

Stand in great places. It's a lot predicted a lot of the future. Wesley Snipes and I look at the three seashells. Kind of like the commander's wide receiver room. Like we don't really know what they do. Like what are those things? So we can go out. Taco Bell plays a role in it. The warden from Shawshank. It's great. I love it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Touchless sex. It's odd, but it's in the movie.

[A]

It's a very strange movie.

[B]

All right, you're up.

[A]

What do you got?

[C]

Oh, I'M up?

[A]

Yeah, you're up.

[C]

All right. What number is. Is this like 10 or 11?

[A]

Yeah, we're in the. We're in the double figures range.

[C]

All right, here's my sleeper. This is like my super, super, super sleeper. I like this team. I have the Carolina Panthers.

[A]

Wow. Oh, man.

[C]

Yes. Based on this. I like the coach, I like the staff. I like the quarterback. I like how they played at the end of last year. They scared the shit out of the Eagles. They scared the shit out of the Chiefs. They were winning games down the stretch. And I think there's continuity. I like the draft picks. I like them to play like in early December, like, holy shit. When the playoff scenarios are up. The Panthers are in that like in the hunt column or whatever it is. I really do. I had them, Bill, as. I had them as Terminator 1 because it's like, holy shit, where did this movie come from? Wow. But we've used Terminator, I think.

[A]

Yeah. You have Panthers. So what do we have left?

[C]

It's not a lot of good picks left of movies, but I mean we.

[A]

Do have Under Siege two left.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It doesn't really fit.

[B]

We have dark territory.

[C]

That's the NFC South.

[A]

We have over the top is left. But I don't know if you want to waste on the Panthers, but your excitement for the Panthers, maybe this is where over the top goes over the top.

[C]

And Bryce Young is the child in the military academy who learns how to be tough and learns how to arm wrestle and learns how to love his father, Dave Canales. And David Tepper is the Robert Logia up there with all the money. Say, I want the kid like that. We can make that work.

[A]

Yeah. And Matt Rose, the mom just watching.

[C]

Also. It's a very over the top pick to say the Panthers. So, like it all works. I'm talking Panthers.

[B]

Very over the top.

[A]

I explained over the Top to House today and I think he had a vague memory of it and trying to explain how important it was.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Wasn't. He was just thinking about our boys from Koroko. Think about it. Yeah. Our guys, they're like, we want to.

[C]

Make an arm wrestling movie, but we also want to make a truck driving movie. Let's save some money and just make it one movie. Fine.

[A]

Merged them. We kind of fucked up the order. House was supposed to go there, but it's fine because I don't think he was going to take care of.

[B]

Definitely was not going to take care of.

[A]

So we're. I'm going to jump. We'll make believe houses up here and then we'll jump it ahead. Who do you have?

[B]

I think Atlanta is, is interesting. I thought they were more interesting a couple of weeks ago before all these injuries on their offensive line. Yeah, but they, they. You can't overstate how much Kurt Cousins sabotage their season. There's really, it's not possible to over exaggerate what he did. He single handedly submarine them with that, that stretch of games that he had. He had by far the most fourth quarter turnovers where the game was within one score. He had, you know, near the most, you know, turnovers that were returned for points.

[A]

We don't need to hear about how bad Kirk Cousins was again. What the point is Kirk's probably watching and you hurt his feelings. Seems like such a nice guy.

[B]

They have talent and they improved on, on defense. I think the defense let them down over the course of the season.

[A]

Well, they definitely spent next year's first round pick trying to improve their defense.

[C]

Well, listen, I. Listen fantasy draft last night for me and everyone is saying take Bijan number one. Like he's the guy and I couldn't do it. I just, I couldn't pull the trigger. It's. It's like a Falcons running back in 2020. I like Bijan and he, I think he's really talented but like the number one pick over I, I couldn't get there.

[A]

All right, we're coming back. If you notice that edit, that was because we couldn't figure out the movies. Then producer Steve Cerruti reminded us that we used Rocky Ford to start this podcast. And then I did it again for, for the Bears.

[C]

Fine.

[A]

I'm going to make the case. Rocky 4 eligible twice.

[C]

Do it. Do it a third time.

[B]

You are the podfather.

[A]

How about the Falcons? We haven't used Roadhouse yet. Maybe this is a fun spot for roadhouse. House thinks the Falcons are going to be exciting. They have a lot of fantasy guys. Nobody thinks it's going to win an Oscar. I don't know. There's some comedy now. Why are you shaking your head? Sadly, no.

[B]

It's the rowdiest bar south of the Mason Dixon line.

[A]

Yeah, it's south with Atlanta. I think that's the right call.

[C]

Hey, you know why? I got one. Have you seen this video where someone was chirping Michael Penix and calling him Michael Penis and he like confronted him and it looked like he was about to roundhouse kick him or something Like Dalton, like don't mess with Pennsylvania. He doesn't think that's funny. So there you have it. He'll rip your throat right out.

[A]

Yeah. And there's like, I'm trying to figure out who Kyle Pitts is in this. Maybe it's the guy that gets sent in. It's Dalton's buddy who just gets the complete shit kicked out of him. And Kirk Cousins would be Sam Elliott. He's the old vet who might have to come in for one fight. Yeah, this is good.

[B]

This is good.

[A]

This is good.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Who is. Who's our guy? Brad Leslie in this?

[C]

Our Brad West. Is that like Arthur Wesley?

[B]

Yeah, Arthur blank.

[C]

I brought JCPenney here because of me.

[A]

All right, so Atlanta, then Carolina and then Minnesota is going to be my pick here. And Minnesota. Can't believe it took this long to go. I had a stretch where I had Minnesota winning the division at one point in early August with JJ And I might have even have a fanduel bet when I was in Chicago on them to win like 10 games. I just don't like what I'm smelling from this team the last couple of weeks. I think the defense is still going to be the defense. Just throwing the combo of the McCarthy with some wide receiver uncertainty, harder schedule stuff. Somebody's kind of has to lose out of the NFC North. And I just think I like Chicago more. I just have a lot of questions with them offensively beyond Jefferson. And we're just pushing McCarthy into this. I know when he missed all last year's coming off an injury, the more I stared at it, it just made me nervous.

[B]

The thing that got me off of Minnesota was when you into the numbers and look at how incredible Sam Darnold was on passes that were 20 yards or longer down the field. He led the league in all. Every one of those sub metrics having to do with longer passes down the league. And I. I have no confidence whatsoever that JJ McCarthy will be able to replicate that. And I was in a really important part of that Minnesota offense.

[C]

I think JJ McCarthy is the most pivotal player in the whole NFL this year. Like so much weight. Is he good? Is he not? We have no fucking clue. He has this Lamborghini and Justin Jefferson and you know how that goes. Like, they start owing to and he throws a couple picks and it's like, well, we could have had Darnold. Still look at him. He's winning in Seattle. That's a bad storyline. So he seems like a great dude, McCarthy, but like, it's. It's a lot to step into. And he's played no football in the NFL.

[A]

Ironically, I'm pairing those two storylines together with liking Seattle, because I think the Sam Darnold. Nobody believes this, but then also the Minnesota not being as good and people going, hey, you know, it's pretty good. Sam Donald. Anyway, my movie is Bloodsport, because the thing that is fun with them is their defense. And Bloodsport is just a violent, okay, incredible action movie. Chong Lee, I think is. Is. I'm not sure who.

[C]

The Lions. The Lions. It's Dan Campbell, basically. Bill, I got Blood Sport for the Vikings. I just so thrilled to tell you that I got it written down.

[A]

Wow. We've matched eight.

[B]

You guys, if we had that match.

[A]

Game, we would have won. We would have been going to Hawaii.

[C]

At the beginning of Blood Sport, Van Damme's acting is so fucking bad. But by the end, it's like he does that scene with Ray Jackson where he's like, if you ever need me, my brother, I'll be there. I was like, holy shit, Van Damme. That's really good. I think that's how McCarthy has to be this year. It might start rough, but he'll get better in the kumite that is the NFC North.

[A]

Yeah, I think I said this when we did the pod. It's the best acted scene in a bad movie of all of these movies.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

He has this moment in the hospital. And what was this guy? What was the guy's name?

[C]

Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson.

[A]

He goes, donald Gibb. Anytime, any place, anywhere. I got you. Or whatever, he says. And Van Damme's like, I love you, my brother. And it's like, why am I welling up? It's fucking Bloodsport. I'm getting choked.

[C]

He used to write columns about that, that the director was probably on the monitor, taking off his headphones, being like, cut. Wow, guys, really good.

[A]

No more take.

[C]

Thanks. We're done. That's lunch.

[A]

All right, You're.

[C]

I'm up, I think. Or is it.

[A]

No, because we screwed up. So it was Carolina, Minnesota. Now House is up. And I'm really excited for this one because I have the wine bottle ready for.

[B]

How do we not get to the Cardinals yet?

[A]

Is that who you're taking? Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I think the Cardinals are live this season. All of their offensive metrics were good. I mean, you know, obviously the story is always, what version of Kyler? How consistent can he be? But they have room to improve on defense. And I thought, as the season went on, like, they were legit, threatening for a playoff spot. It feels weird to have them where we have them. They're to me as good of a breakout candidate. I like them way better than I like Seattle. I think Seattle, with a poorest offensive line with Sam Darnold under. Under duress is a disaster waiting to happen. I think this Arizona thing like that's a sustainable on both sides of the ball with the talent they made, the improvements on defense that they need, and I trust Gannon. So I like this Arizona team.

[A]

Well, we don't have a lot of movies left.

[C]

I can do one.

[A]

What do you got?

[C]

I have. I have the Cardinals as Marked for Death is a kind of a ridiculous Steven Seagal movie in which he fights the, quote, Jamaican Voodoo posse.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

And it's kind of like a dumb movie, but really likable, like the Cardinals. Very likable. And the comeback for Kyler, to your point, House, to have an ascension to stardom again this year would be like screw faces comeback after he gets his head cut off with the katana and he comes back to life to fight Hatcher. So I like Mark for Death. It's not like one of the most famous Seagal movies. Kind of like the Cardinals, small media market, but talented. And there's still an arm breaking bill over the shoulder and it gives you what you want.

[A]

Well, of course it's a Seagal movie. It's the only one out of the. We haven't done that in under siege. Two out of the cigar catalog. Those are the two. Unless we probably in season 15 of the Rewatchables when we talk ourselves into executive decision.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And on deadly ground. On deadly ground we might actually have to do. I like Mark for Death for them. That's good. I. I actually had Mark for Death for the next team. Oh, no. Kyle's up.

[C]

All right. We're really deep now. I only have a few teams left. Are we on 16? Is this the last team?

[A]

I think we have two teams left. And I can't believe one of the teams hasn't been picked yet. We only have. We have the Rams.

[C]

Put my words on the table. I have the Saints at 16. So who's fifth? Who's left?

[B]

The Rams.

[A]

The Rams are 15. You have to take the Rams.

[C]

How did that happen?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All right, well, listen, I believe in the Rams way more than this way. And here's my take. Take. And this is nuclear. I said you believe in the coaches. I think Sean McVeigh is the best coach in the NFL house. If they said that Matthew Stafford was out for the season, I would still think the Rams are fighting for A wild card with Garoppolo. That's my take. I believe in McVay that much in their defense and their run game. I just think he's the best coach in the league. I do.

[A]

I don't have their doubt. How did they fall to 15 on our list?

[B]

It's just that uncertainty.

[C]

I mean, I kept picking teams because I like the movie better.

[A]

So who's your movie for this one?

[C]

I don't know. What's left? We have only a couple movies left, right? I already used Gymkata. I used what's. What's left.

[B]

Anybody.

[A]

Above the Law is left. Under Siege 2 is left.

[B]

They're down here because you dummies put the Panthers and the Giants all the way up.

[C]

And I did that. I did that.

[A]

That's it. It's. It looks like we only have Under Siege two and. And above the left.

[C]

Well, I had above the Law for the Browns because many of their players think they are. But I. I went, let's go. Let's go. Dark territory, Under Siege to Bill for the. For something. You know why? Because I've never seen that movie before, and I have never seen the Sean McVay, Jimmy Garoppolo Rams or the injured back Matthew Stafford rams.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But I still kind of believe in it.

[A]

Okay, so what movie did you do? Under Siege two. Under Siege two. Okay.

[C]

I've never seen it.

[A]

You've never seen Under Siege 2?

[C]

I refuse to watch it. It's like, I don't watch the. The Hangover sequel. So I don't. I don't want to watch that. I like. And my relationship is strong. It's on a train. People say it's not very good. I'm out.

[A]

Who said it's not very good?

[C]

Many. That movie is like, Under Siege 2 is not well liked. That's not. That's you in this house.

[A]

Under Siege two in this house. It's liked.

[C]

I've never seen it. Sell me on it.

[A]

It's under siege two. It's. It. I mean, for 15 years, it was on all the time. And Under Siege 1 was never on. So Under Siege 2 is like, all right, there's not the beer I wanted left in the fridge, but there's that beer left. I'll drink that. That was Under Stage two, like, forever. Because Under Siege I don't like. It's like Tommy Lee Jones made it disappear from cable for.

[C]

It's like, I've never seen US Marshals the Fugitive sequel. I don't watch it. I don't care. I like that.

[A]

That I can defend you on.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, New Orleans, here we go. That's our last team. Do you think this is the worst team in the week?

[C]

Like, it's just. What is the plan here? Like, they. They don't have a quarterback. Right. So every other one, everybody else kind of does. So their defense is good. Like, they have really good defensive players. But I just.

[A]

I.

[C]

New head coach, no quarterback. What are we doing? People think they're going for Arch Manning.

[A]

Terrible organization, poorly run. I don't think there's any scenario where they're not the worst team in the nfc. I'd be shocked. I have adjusted alt unders on them already. House on FanDuel can bet them to win three wins or less, two wins or less. And I'm not giving them a good action movie. So we're going to have to go to one of the worst action movies. What do you got ever? It's Stone Cold with Brian Bosworth.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Where they were just.

[B]

Did the boss ever play for the Saints? That would have taken it to another level, probably.

[A]

Well, there was this era where they just. Like Stallone and Schwarzenegger and Van Damme. All these guys got Old Seagal and we were just like, we need some new action. Maybe it'll be Brian Bosworth. And it's like, you know what? It's not going to be Brian Bosworth. Actually, it will definitely 100% not be Brian Bosworth. It's a really bad movie. I can't defend it. I wouldn't watch it if it was on right now. And I think New Orleans is going to be bad.

[C]

So our guy, William Forsyth, AKA Richie, from Out for justice in Stone Cold, in which Brian Bosworth goes undercover with a biker gang. It's awful. Just not even fun awful. Just awful. House, you ever seen Stone Cold?

[B]

I don't think that I have.

[A]

I think ironically, I've only seen it once.

[C]

Yeah, I've watched it.

[A]

I think, ironically, it's in New Orleans. Is it possible?

[C]

I don't remember.

[A]

Maybe not. I don't believe in once.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

It's bad. What's funny is Stone Cold Steve Austin then came in and took Stone Cold and, like, turned and that became. And so, like, it even made it go away even faster and more violently.

[C]

At the same time. Vanilla Ice was in a movie called Cold as Ice, which is also like, what are we doing with all the cold? It's very strange. And none of them were good.

[A]

Yeah. So that was 1991. That came out Stone Cold. A Street smart cop goes undercover to infiltrate and bring to justice a ruthless motorcycle gang before they can carry out their plans of tyranny and murder.

[C]

Do we have some Lance Hendrickson in there too? Bill? I think he might show up. He's in everything back then. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, we did.

[C]

I thought so.

[A]

Our lead lady was Arabella Holzbaugh. That was it for her.

[C]

That's her character or the actor?

[A]

I never heard the actress she played.

[C]

Oh, good.

[A]

All right, that's it. So our big fuck up here is the Rams are not going to be the 15th best team in the AFC. I don't know how we ended up, but I also think that speaks to how good the NFC is compared to the afc. Like we got to the afc, there's seven teams left and you don't like any of them. You get to the nfc, it's like, all right, Carolina, maybe the Giants, like you could really do some talking. So there you go. Kyle, did you have a good time?

[C]

I had the best time. I'm trying to think of the one that was the most satisfying. I liked the Cowboys as last action hero and I like the Ravens as action Jackson. Guys, this was. I could have done this for three more hours. I love it. Let's do MLB and NBA teams too.

[A]

I think my highlights. I took Rocky 4 even though it had already been taken with the first pick of the draft. But I took it anyway. I just didn't care. Guess what? Kyle Brand, great to see you. We could see a good morning football and all over the place. And definitely on the rewatchables too. We're already talking about the next one. Thanks for coming on, buddy.

[C]

My pleasure.

[B]

Great science, KB I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to insult any of your ex colleagues. I'll say that. For the next pod, who would it be? We'll do a draft. I know who the number one selection is.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

Sorry for that pod. Sorry, Pete.

[A]

Bye, Cobra.

[C]

Bye, guys. See you.

[A]

You. Oh, that was awesome.

[C]

So fun, Bill.

[A]

Thank you. Thanks for sticking around. So.

[C]

Of course. This was a great time, dude.

[B]

All right, thanks. See you, K.B.

[A]

All right. So that was it for the big the movie. Hey, I. I'll give it a B. I had a good time.

[B]

I mean I.

[A]

Hard to keep track of while also hosting it and coming up with the teams, but I thought we did a good job.

[B]

We want to. I want to see the rankings of.

[A]

I think the Rams were the big mistake. Somehow I don't see them falling with the Rams and the Cardinals I think both of those teams just Carolina and the Giants ascended. But this is what happens in the, in football we. The big thing is. So on Thursdays you're gonna be on my Thursday podcast. We're launching Ringer Gambling show, this relaunching ringer Gambling show this week and you're being that on Monday and Wednesday and on Thursday we're going to launch this Gimmick called Ringer 107 where we are going to make 107 football picks for the 22 weeks of the NBA of the NFL season. 22, 3, 23. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Super Bowl.

[A]

So five picks a week and it's going to be four straight up picks and then one has to be a teaser or parlay around even odds. I'm going to do two. We're going to agree on two together and then you're going to do the fifth one and we're going to be a team and we're actually going to compete against some other ringer people and Fando's going to put odds of us going head to head and all that. And the goal is like 107 picks total for the season. I'm not doing million dollar picks for this season. And we're hoping that we can go 60 and 47 would be the dream. Could we get to 60 wins? What's a good, what's a record that you would be delighted by? 58 and 49.

[B]

Yeah, I want to get around 54, 55%. That's how you win. Win at football picking.

[A]

So I feel like we should be able to do that.

[B]

It feels like we should be able to, but it's coming.

[C]

So. Yeah.

[A]

So that Thursday night pod, we'll be doing our picks. We'll be using those lines. The lines are going to freeze on Thursday morning for all the shows and we'll be doing Ringer 107 and that's what we're going to be doing. But we'll talk more about that the next time you're going to be on here. Is that Thursday? I mean after Tommy Fleetwood wins a PGA tournament, anything's possible, man.

[B]

He did it. Thank God. Thank God for Tommy. He took out the check that he won today is enough for all of the tournaments that he should have won combined.

[A]

He made all the money back.

[B]

He did.

[A]

And then we spent, we spent the weekend with Jack O. Amazing. And we watched the Yankees Red sox. We watched two of the games and he started drinking at 10:54 in the morning.

[B]

He wanted to know when we could go to the bar. After the first four innings.

[A]

I mean, I'm probably Jake as we're recording this right now. The Red Sox sucks for playing the Yankees, but we had a good time doing that. We saw Cousin Sal, we saw Rob Stone, a lot of the greats. We had a fun trip. And then the other thing is we're doing this ringer fantasy football draft that we're doing on Monday, which is tomorrow in person.

[B]

Yahoo.

[A]

You have a team, I have a team. We're going head to head. We're doing the whole thing fun. So it's football time. It's officially now. It officially feels. This is my last Sunday podcast without the cut.

[B]

People. Can't wait.

[A]

We'll have it. So thanks for doing the movie draft. Thanks for pretending you've seen any of these movies. Thanks to Gahao as well. Thanks to Saruti. Thanks to Eduardo. And I will be back on this podcast I think Tuesday, but Thursday is going to be the Big two part over under podcast with me and Sal. I'll be interested to see you guys swayed me on a couple teams today. I still haven't landed on my final outcomes, but it'll be interesting to see where we go.

[B]

But I'm eager to hear.

[A]

Thanks House.

[B]

My pleasure.

[A]

Must be 21/ and President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President D.C. gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com, call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny in New York.