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Todd McShay
What's happening? It's Todd McShay, and I'm back with a new home and a new show at the Ringer and Spotify. The McShay Show. It's a video and audio podcast coming to you year round with all my NFL draft information, big boards, mock drafts and player movement. Plus, I'll be chatting with some of my best friends in football, including some of your favorite football analysts during the week. We'll have episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays that will include discussions about my player rankings, who's rising, who's falling, and who your NFL team should be keeping an eye on. Plus, we'll be reacting each week to the College Football Playoff polls and giving you previews and picks for each Saturday slate. In addition, I'll have episodes on Saturday nights with my immediate reaction to the full day in college football every week. So if you love the college game, the NFL, the draft, or all of it like me, make sure to like, follow, subscribe and get ready for the McShay show on the Ringer, Spotify and wherever you watch or listen to podcasts.
Bill Simmons
The Bill Simmons this episode is brought to you by Old El Paso. Does gameday hosting feel like an extreme sport? Not anymore. With Old El Paso, feeding your hungry crowd is oh so easy. Old El Paso's crunchy stand in stuffed shells, bold seasonings and squeezable sauces are fumble free, flavor packed and perfect for cheering on your team. Football season is taco season with Old El Paso. Level up your next tailgater. Watch Party Shop game day essentials at Old El Pa. This episode is brought to you by Uber Reserve. You know it's a game changer for travel. Booking my ride in advance to the airport with Uber Reserve Uber Reserve makes it easy to plan my whole trip. I just did this. Booking rides up to 90 days in advance help squeeze the most out of traveling, especially if you're doing odd hours. Rush hours. Like early in the morning, you gotta do it. Plus, with Uber Reserve, you'll get an assigned driver, you get upfront pricing, and you get extra wait time included. So go ahead, plan like a pro. Reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. See app for details. Podcast is presented by the Ringer Podcast Network, where I have a new rewatchables coming for you. On Monday night, we did a Mark Wahlberg movie. It's now 10 years old. It's time to do it. The Gambler, a movie that has sucked Chris Ryan and I in and we had to talk about it. And it's interesting we did that. Since I did not do well on my picks this week. But you can check that out on Monday night on Spotify wherever you get your podcast on The Ringer Movies YouTube channel. You can follow all the videos and clips from this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel and you can catch up with us live when we do these Sunday night ones which we also put on Spotify as video. Yeah, a lot of video stuff going on for us right now, but cousin Sal is going to join in a second. We're going to talk about a rollicking Sunday. Just a bizarre set of early games, then some late games that seem promising and then were disappointing but weirdly, weirdly interesting for the season and a whole bunch of other stuff including Parent Corner. It's all next. First our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, we are live. It is almost 8:30 Pacific Time. Sal. This is the first time I've ever done a live podcast Right after losing a 13 point teas because. Oh yeah, because the packers decided to just throw it late for a touchdown and then the Seahawks just decided to hand the ball off the last three minutes. This is why you don't do 13 point teases. This is what I learned today. They're super dumb. I don't know how I kept winning them.
Cousin Sal
Well, yeah, because you, you're. Well there are four teams, right? And you kind of have to win like all 12 games before you lose a game, right, to make money. I don't know, it's tough. That game sucked. The whole day sucked. I was so disappointed. It was like nine hours of Tyson versus Paul. Like this was supposed to be a great day. It's still football so it's great. But not one game was solidly compelling from start to finish. I'm so disappointed. I didn't even lose that much money.
Bill Simmons
Well, I lost my. This is my first like semi ass kicking in a long time where I four games I really liked and I was just dead wrong on three of them. I disagree though because I thought the early games were so incompetent and awful and poorly played and there were so many bad QBs and so much weird shit. I actually kind of enjoyed it.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I guess we should have known.
Bill Simmons
Every TV something stupid was happening. And there were some of the worst quarterback play. I mean who do we have in the early ones we had Mac Jones, Levis, he got benched. Jamis, he got benched. Hayner got benched. Rattler, DeVito Boyle, Bryce Young should have been benched. Cooper Rush and Zombie Rogers all played. We're all playing on different TVs. All good. We have three benching.
Cousin Sal
You didn't even mention the worst one is Tua. I mean it really is the worst. Yeah. I don't know when in the, on in the order you want to get to that game.
Bill Simmons
But now I had this for later. Let's do the bad QB draft out the Week 15 bad QB draft of everyone we saw today. And I have a 12 person list.
Cousin Sal
Wow.
Bill Simmons
Okay. Who's your, who was your worst one today?
Cousin Sal
I'm good. I know stats wise he wasn't the worst but and I might just be saying this because he screwed my fantasy season. I would have, I switched him out for Bo Nicks at the last minute. But Tua is number one and in terms of like who I wouldn't want on my team and I'm sorry, I know Dolphins fans are going to get mad at me and us, but the way he contorts his body, I mean there's three things he does that are horrible. His body language is such that he turns his body which allows the D backs to jump the route. No other quarterback really does it like this. And then he puts, you know, I'm glad this guy's in stable condition that they, you know, they had to rip the jersey off and everything. But this is what's going to happen with Tua. Also, he's obviously injury prone. Also, he can't win in cold weather playing in the AFC East. I'm sure he's a nice guy. I'll keep sending him Christmas cards, I'll never stop. But he's the worst. He really is the worst.
Bill Simmons
Well, he's the worst in the sense that he tantalizes you with the potential of something that seems pretty awesome. That too, and then just pulls the rug out from underneath you. Today he had three picks and threw a pass that led his teammate right into an oncoming train basically and the game got stopped for 20 minutes. I've been on this bandwagon the whole time and he's been a divisive guy since college and the Dolphins fans are really protective of him. But to me everything has to be perfect and every play and situation and the teammates and he's got to throw the ball within two seconds and it's got to be a quick slant and every once in a while receivers just going to get crushed over the middle and then everyone's always just going to throw the ball the other team and the weather has to be good and in a dome. He's great and it's all these excuses. It's like if you hired like a personal chef who is a pizza chef, and you were like, but I don't want any pizza seven days a week. And the guy's like, okay. And then like day five, it's like, hey, I made it pizza again. It's like, I. Yeah, like, what about chicken? Anything? Like, could you. Can you make a soup? Like, no, no. I actually whipped up this really good meatball pizza. And at some point he's just serving pizza. And that's Tua. I like that he's serving pizza day after day after day in these games. I just think he's a 500 or worse quarterback.
Cousin Sal
Can I simplify it a little bit?
Bill Simmons
I.
Cousin Sal
With another food analogy. He's the Krispy Kreme. He gets creamed. He's the creamed and crispy. But the Krispy Kreme has to be perfect. But whenever you have a Krispy Kreme, like, oh, no, you got. You have to have it right. When it's out of the oven, it's got to be 80 degrees and it's got to be outdoors and the receivers have to be healthy and it's got to get rid of the ball in three seconds. But if you have a three day old Krispy Kreme or one day old or that night, forget it. We're talking about.
Bill Simmons
Chang would say one day old Krispy Kreme is one of the most delicious desserts. That's it. Pan fries it.
Cousin Sal
He's a magician. That's not fair.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, yeah. There's this place in LA I don't want to name, but it's a donut place. And you walk in and when you go in to buy donuts, you're like, oh, I'll just. Can I get a half dozen donuts? You think they make the donuts individually? It's like a weird foofy LA thing.
Cousin Sal
I know what you're talking about.
Bill Simmons
Where it's like, no, no, tell us what donut you made and then we're gonna make it right? And it's gonna be like fresh for you. And then you're in the donut shop for 10 minutes and by the time the donut comes out, it's like, I could have already put down like two sprinkled donuts by the time I was waiting for this donut. Maybe that's Tua.
Cousin Sal
It's called Tuas. It's Tuas of ls.
Bill Simmons
I just want the Dolphin fans to admit, deep down they know, like, stop defending this. Just stop. Like, I was big on Mac Jones for that first year when he was a rookie and he made the playoffs and he played in the Pro Bowl. And I was like, this guy's a game manager. He can do it. And he just got worse and worse and eventually you just have to give up and say, you know what, I was wrong. Mac Jones is not a starting qb. Which I then thought again today as I watched him today. Mack Jones not really a starting qb. Two is not somebody that's going to win three playoff games in a row ever, at any point in his career. There's no situation where that's going to happen.
Cousin Sal
No. I even thought, well, maybe first of all, it was 78 degrees in Houston. I don't know. It was 78 degrees. It's in a Cowboys type dome where you could still feel the outside and see the sky, but whatever. So he's my number one. I know that's dumb to take him over.
Bill Simmons
No, I like, no, this is a passionate trap. My, my daughter's boyfriend, huge Dolphin fan. When we talk the time about two and he vacillates between defending tua, but then also getting mad when he has games like he had today.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's like my number one brother. Yeah, I know.
Bill Simmons
My number one is, is this Hayner person that played for the Saints today who lasted about, I don't know, a half. And then they were like, you know what? Maybe Spencer Rattler is better than you. Like, I don't know what, how bad Spencer Rattler is that he lost the competition to Hayner. But Hayner was in there for a brief, I don't know what, an hour and a half against Washington too long. Nothing, nothing was happening. And we, we knew a bunch of people that had Washington and teases and it just seemed like you were in safe hands with Hayner.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
Then Rattler comes in and it's worse for Hayner. Cause it's like, oh no, Rattler's in.
Cousin Sal
Uh, oh.
Bill Simmons
So I would have feel like that's.
Cousin Sal
Another insurance ad that we'd be pounded with. You're in safe hands with Hayner and then there he is throwing like. Yeah, he had the headshots that got him the job. And then, and then Rattler came in. Yeah, we could talk about the end of that game later. That was insane.
Bill Simmons
Oh my God. Well, it's so funny. Like first year at Grant Lane, we did the bad QB draft. We created this whole scoring system. Jacoby wrote a piece about it every week. He did all the scoring and the premise was like, there's just so many. This is the glory days of bad QBs. But you would think at some point it would get better and it just hasn't. You know, like three point shooting got better in basketball and in baseball. Like pitchers throw faster and you know, there's more strikeouts. Like things change and for whatever reason, quarterback play has not changed in football.
Cousin Sal
It's a few reasons. Jacoby would get carpal tunnel syndrome trying to write that article in 2006.
Bill Simmons
Oh my God. All right, so I have Gaynor. Who's your next pick?
Cousin Sal
All right, well, I, you know, these are going to be personal because I stupidly had Tennessee as my upset. Don't. Come on, don't laugh at that. That's not nice.
Bill Simmons
I'm just laughing because I do. Who you're going to take.
Cousin Sal
I mean, why do I do it though? I mean, at least you hadn't seen Hayner, right? You. At least there could have been a surprise in there. How much, how much data do I have to see on Will Levis before I stop betting on him or betting on that team? And I just, I now think of it now as like these teams like Cincinnati, if they want to look good, play a Will Levis. Like if I want to look good in a family photo, I'll stand next to my fattest relative, right? This is what the Bengals did. They. They found the fattest relative as will Levis. 10 turnovers in that game. Not all Will Levis, although it seemed like it. He's disgusting. He's gross. He's number two for me.
Bill Simmons
Well, did you see Titans, Bengals today? It was the first game with 10 turnovers and 20 plus penalties since 2006.
Cousin Sal
Wow.
Bill Simmons
18 years since we've had that kind of incompetence. And you could feel it if you had multiple TVs and that was one of the games. You could feel the incompetence. So he had three interceptions and a pick six. As. As one of the three, which maybe we call the Levis from now on.
Cousin Sal
He would add more. They. They took him out. They shouldn't have taken him out. They should have. They should have punished him further.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, they should have explained to Brian Callahan the full Delome and how important that is. What was that? Five. Five picks including a pick six was the full column.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, Go for the record.
Bill Simmons
He's bad, but that's one of those things where we knew he was bad last year.
Cousin Sal
My fault. My fault.
Bill Simmons
No, no, but I'm saying the Titans, they get rid of Rabel, they're bringing this New coach. The GM wins this power struggle because Will Levis is his guy. New coach. And now they need a QB. Congrats. Can I have Boyle and DeVito as a combo for my next pick? Sure.
Cousin Sal
A dual entry.
Bill Simmons
Sure, yeah.
Cousin Sal
You could have them.
Bill Simmons
I couldn't. At one point, they changed QBs and I just couldn't tell the difference on my. Because I had. They were on a TV that had no sound. I had no idea that DeVito even left of the concussion. Impossible to say.
Cousin Sal
DeVito does this after every play. That does the figure. That's how you know the difference.
Bill Simmons
All right, who's your next one?
Cousin Sal
All right. You have a dual entry there? No, that kind of.
Bill Simmons
Those kind of.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's fine. That's fine.
Bill Simmons
Some good ones last.
Cousin Sal
I'm going to. You know what? I know there's some, like, lesser experienced guys that I should probably go with. Mack Jones just like when I had.
Bill Simmons
Him on my board.
Cousin Sal
Of course. How could he not? And you know, I guess you have. When you have coach middle seat, like, everything's going to look bad anyway. But Mack Jones still making rookie mistakes. And I think we saw the same play. They were driving. It was like third and.
Bill Simmons
No, it was like second and goal from the six.
Cousin Sal
Right, right, right. And he rolled right. And he had time. He had like everybody beat. He wasn't going to make it to the end zone, but he did not have to step out of bounds, and he sure as hell did. He could have flung it into the third row and it would have been fine. It's like, oh, man, I have money on that guy, too. This is awful. What are we. Why are they even playing the early games?
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
Cousin Sal
Lid. I always bet against the jets, but.
Bill Simmons
No, you understood how bad it was. Cause he was rolling out and he. He was 4 yards ban the line of scrimmage, right? And the guys were coming and he was going to do the Zach Wilson where he's just going to chuck it out of bounds. And instead he did like, the stutter step out of bounds. And then it seemed like he talked shit to one of the defensive linemen. And it was just like, you lost four yards for literally no reason. There was no reason to lose 4 yards of that play that any of us could think of. But it's funny, like, having watched him as he. I swear he was really solid as a rookie. I really.
Cousin Sal
Did that scare you a little bit? Because you praise your guy and everything.
Bill Simmons
It's not even. It's like comparing a Ferrari to like a Cherokee.
Cousin Sal
Now, sure, it Is now Drake May.
Bill Simmons
Was always like an awesome SUV that you could go cross country with and the stereo was going to work. And, you know, we always knew what he was, but it was like, can you be this awesome game manager and just kind of not make mistakes and be smart? But the stuff that he was doing today, it was all stuff he did the last two and a half years for the Pats. Just the inexplicable sailing it over somebody's head, the terrible red zone stuff, the just missing a wide open guy, the scramble out of bounds for no reason. Like, it's just. It is who he is.
Cousin Sal
Yep. Never know.
Bill Simmons
Never going to change. And then the other thing I don't miss is the. Either he throws the pick or a terrible pass and they see the defense is celebrating, and then you just know you're going to get the cut. To Mack Jones just kind of stomping off like. Yeah, you know, I was just. Like, I was getting PTSD watching it.
Cousin Sal
That's how he was drafted. The same stomp. He doesn't change the stomp. He stomps down the. Yeah. All right, so that's mine. That's.
Bill Simmons
I do think, like some quarterbacks, like, Wentz was really good for Philly and now and then all of a sudden wasn't good. Right. Like, Jameis was always up and down. He never had a moment where he seemed awesome. But our guy Josh Freeman was awesome for like a year.
Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah.
Bill Simmons
Mac was never awesome, but it seemed like he was going to have at least a 10 year career and be Andy Dalton.
Cousin Sal
You know, how do certain guys figure it out and certain guys don't? It's just weird. And you wonder if they're practicing at all during the week, but go ahead. That's.
Bill Simmons
I had Mac. Mac was on my board. But my next guy is Richardson on the Colts, who cannot complete 50% of his passes, which in the NFL in 2024, when you're not allowed to hit the quarterback, you're not allowed to hit receivers over the middle. You just have all these advantages all over the place to not even be able to complete half your passes. It's a real obstacle for them and sometimes they can overcome it, especially in close games like they came back and beat the Pats. But against the Broncos, it was so bad, it led to the worst play of the year.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Like if there was a worst player every year, like the ESPYs, like the worst player that. What was that year when Jacoby Myers lateraled backwards and it got.
Cousin Sal
I like that.
Bill Simmons
Intercepted by The Raiders and scored. Like, we were like, oh, my God, I can't believe. There was a pick six on a double pass that swung the Colts Broncos game. And this is a game where Jonathan Taylor dropped the ball before he ran into the end zone to celebrate. And somehow that wasn't the worst play of the game because this was worse.
Cousin Sal
They. Yes, he was. At one point, it was 8 for 22 with like a few dozen yards passing. Right. In a close game where you needed him to convert a third down, he wasn't doing it. And you're exactly right. And Steichen has to take shit for this. But the double pass reverse thing was a better option, even though there was probably a 30% chance that it was a pick six or a fumbles, whatever the hell that was called. Whatever.
Bill Simmons
Have you seen that play before?
Cousin Sal
Like, no, I think someone was probably supposed to be blocking that guy, but still, that was their best option. It's really bad.
Bill Simmons
And it made me sad because Lombardi, who took this UNC job for Belichick, and this is the kind of shit that he used to love, and it definitely would have been a big podcast thing for him, but now we're going to have to carry the slate that Shane Steichen has to call a double pass that gets picked off for a pick six because this quarterback can't complete an eight yard pass. I don't know what you do.
Cousin Sal
It's looking like a really bad draft pick at this point. I feel horrible for the guy, but. Yeah, that was today.
Bill Simmons
He was 17 for 38.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. And he made a comeback. Like I said, it was like it was 8 for 22 at some point.
Bill Simmons
Yeah. So that goal line thing, because you.
Cousin Sal
Brought it up, what the hell's going on with that epidemic? It happened twice today where the guys are dropping balls like a quarter of a yard before the. The goal line. Like, I don't know what the goal.
Bill Simmons
Is coming up later. But I'm happy to discuss this now because I. Do people black out when they're about to score? It's the only thing I can think of. Is it like having an orgasm where you just kind of lose perspective, but you just, like, lose the ball? What other explanation could they. What other explanation could there be?
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
Do you literally, like, black out?
Cousin Sal
Yeah. If there was a big end zone, professional athletes right in front of you before you had the orgasm, yes, it would be the same thing. But you. You should be able to figure out where not to drop. Like, this doesn't happen in other sports, like Juan Soto's. Not rounding third. And then when he's between third and home, takes off for the dugout. I had to mention Juan Soto because he's the greatest player of all time, but, yeah, maybe you'll get invited in.
Bill Simmons
His 22 person suite.
Cousin Sal
Oh, that'd be great. All it took was a sweet. Yeah, yeah, just cross the goal line with the ball. Come on.
Bill Simmons
But the thing is, it's only this happens once every seven years. This happens like four times a year in college and pro football. It feels like it happens once a month. Right. These guys.
Cousin Sal
And I'm sure Jonathan Taylor was pointing and laughing at desean Jackson or whoever the hell did it in college or anything, right? And then they ended up doing it themselves.
Bill Simmons
Because the other thing that always drives us crazy is when the guy reaches to try to score near the goal line and the ball gets batted out or he fumbles it, you know, through the end zone. That's more understandable because it's like the guy's doing everything he can to try to score. This is just. It's a full fledged blackout.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
All right, so I add Richardson. So you're up. There's some good ones left still.
Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm up. Okay. All right, let's see.
Bill Simmons
I could read you who slept on the board.
Cousin Sal
Well, let me just go with Jameis. I love him, though, too.
Bill Simmons
Damn.
Cousin Sal
I really do love him. But I need to see. There's not the excitement. We're not getting to the top of the roller coaster anymore. We just keep falling. You know what I mean?
Bill Simmons
It's been really bad for two weeks now.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's not. It's not that good. And, you know, he got sacked a bunch and threw four interceptions, but of course, I had the Browns plus four and a half or five. But yeah, he's. You can't depend on him at all.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, Jamis is like. He's like s'mores. It's amazing to have s'mores once in a while, and they're the greatest thing ever, but if you ate it every night, you just get diabetes and eventually die. Jamis. Super fun to toast. Jamis and marshmallows. Let's get a fire. Oh, put it in the but.
Cousin Sal
We should have had House for this. A dessert version of ranking the bad quarterbacks. Krispy Kreme donuts. S'mores. Who gets the Mike and Ikes? I don't know.
Bill Simmons
I guarantee Chang's having a great time. Listen to this. Jamis has 13 touchdowns and 12 picks this season, which I mentioned because he didn't play for the first half of the season.
Cousin Sal
He's a 37.
Bill Simmons
Six games.
Cousin Sal
Right. He's got a lot of work to do to get to 30. 30.
Bill Simmons
Yeah. Um, well, there's still some good guys left. I. I'm going to go Rattler. Just because the fact that his coach decided at some point this week. Yeah, let's try Hayner just that to me that's like, that's gotta be on Rattler's resume. He was actually pretty good in the. In the comeback today against Washington. But I'll go Rattler. All right. You take in. We have three left. Who you got?
Cousin Sal
Give me. Give me a choice. Let me.
Bill Simmons
We have Bryce Young's left. Can I go with Howard? Rush is back.
Cousin Sal
We just saw. Oh, I. I can't. I can't stand Sam. Like I gotta. I gotta get out of here and go Christmas shopping. I gotta go get Jack a Cuisinart. I can't watch this idiot.
Bill Simmons
I actually forgot how Sam Howell's unique trait of just standing in the pocket has slowly collapsed on him like a building.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
He did it four times the game. Like he never veers out.
Cousin Sal
He's statuesque. Really good. I'll put him on the list because he. That was maybe a game they could have played back into teaser territory. But not because. Not while he was in for sure.
Bill Simmons
I have. I'll take Bryce Young next just because he looked good at the start of the game for like I don't know, one pass. And I wrote down. Cause Stroud was already like kind of struggling in the Houston game. And I wrote down. We got to talk about could Stroud versus Bryce being argument again. And then Bryce proceeded at four pairs.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I might have said that on a podcast.
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
Cousin Sal
That was. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Against your team. Not exactly the 85 bears.
Cousin Sal
I'll tell you, I was a little depressed even though I'm out on my team. When we did guess the lines, it was like one and a half. Then it went to two and a half. I'm like this team hasn't been favored in 34 games and now my crap ass Cowboys team catches the two and a half points. But they, they stood up, man. I think they got pissed off by that. I really do. That was their best complete game since. I look back since I think the first time they beat the Bills in the Super Bowl. 52:17. This was the. After that the best game they've played.
Bill Simmons
All right, so I guess I have to take Cooper Rush and then you could have the last. You can have the last pick and take Wash Rogers if you want.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I'll take him. Although like I said, this is the fat family member to stand next to you. Play a team bad enough and you're going to look good.
Bill Simmons
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Cousin Sal
Bosh Rogers is always there.
Bill Simmons
That Jets Jaguars game I thought was an absolute delight. Between some of the quarterback moments, some of the game management and then the jets who really all they had to do was kneel on kneel do something and they they just could have kicked a field goal and the Jaguars would have the ball back with 10 seconds left and said the jets charge it and score. What's that coach's name? Ulbrich. Who? The guy's going to get fired when they when the season ends, they can. They can't interview Bill Belichick or Mike Vrabel apparently, even though the season's not over. But so they just let and then all of a sudden it seems like Jacksonville can come back down and it was just one of the dumber things it Kind of got under the radar. Cause it was two terrible teams. Who cares? They're both three and 10. But it was just kind of stunning. Nobody does shit like that anymore.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. The jets are like, look, are you sure you want to lose this game at home in front of these fans? We'll give it to you. We're giving you a chance here. But, yeah, the fact that Belichick met with them earlier in the year is just. I mean, I do believe it.
Bill Simmons
I do believe it.
Cousin Sal
You hate that. You hate that there's even a 3% chance that that's true.
Bill Simmons
There's three scenarios. One is, the jets are full of shit and leaking this, and it's not true because they hate Belichick and want to make them look bad. The second scenario is that he kicked the tires with them, not because he wanted to work with them, but because he wanted to gauge interest, just in general what the league interest was in him. And then the third door is that he actually wanted to work with them for them, which I will never believe for the rest of my life that Bill Belichick, a guy who hated the jets, hated them every time the Patriots played them, would try to pour it on and embarrass them in games, like, despise them. Then got his 12 media gigs this year and lob shots at the jets the entire season. And Woody Johnson, like, can't stand them, and now he wants to work for them. I'm just. My shit detector's going off left and right. He. Clearly, they. They. All these different people reported it, including our guy Schrager. So I. Something happened, but I don't. I don't. I don't know what it was. It almost feels like when the Turk and the Godfather is like, hey, let's meet Luca Brasi. We'll try to bring him over. And then all of a sudden, Luca's getting, like, the fork stabbed in his hand on the table, and they're, like, strangling him. I. I wonder, like, is Belichick trying to pull a move on the Jets?
Cousin Sal
Interesting.
Bill Simmons
I don't know. I just don't think he would ever work for them. I just don't believe it.
Cousin Sal
No, but. I know. But he's not the most righteous dude in the world. I think your second scenario is pretty. It could happen. Like, he kicked the tires. You don't think he'd take a call from Woody Johnson as much as he hated them? It really depends on how much he wanted a record.
Bill Simmons
Would you take a call from Aaron Rodgers media company? Hey, we Want to hire you, Sal. Yeah. Would you work for Aaron Rodgers?
Cousin Sal
Actually, I have something to talk to you about, Bill. Yeah, I know it's going to sound weird.
Bill Simmons
Aaron, you know, he's misunderstood.
Cousin Sal
This isn't work.
Bill Simmons
I honestly think Bill Belichick would rather retire than work for the Jets. I don't believe it. And also, they don't have a quarterback. If he was going to be in the NFL, would be to try to break the Shula record. He's like, good luck on that team. I just don't believe it. So I don't know why they had communications, but I don't think he was like, man, I hope I get this awesome jets job. They haven't made the playoffs since 2012.
Cousin Sal
Well, they should just ask him. He'll tell the truth.
Bill Simmons
I think this worked out great for him, this North Carolina thing. I know. I did a pod on it the other day. The more I read and listen, hear everybody like, this is amazing. He has this. He was already the greatest NFL coach ever. Now he could have this last stack in North Carolina and, like, kick ass for them. It's cool. Everybody loves him there already.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. I mean, and he really pivoted because he made everyone think he wanted to go for the record for most wins in the NFL. But as it turns out, he wants to go for the most losses all time and in college football. And that's why he's with Caroline. No, I think it's a good move. I think he did everything right. And I think you probably said it about, like, doing all the media for a year. He's loose. He still gets it. He's still in tune with the football. Even the girlfriend. I get it. I'm sure they're madly in love, but it really does show that he could, like, wrangle and relate to younger people. This is going to work. I think it's going to work. And so what, you know, the team was 6 and 4, and they lost their last two in a conference where, you know, the team that won the conference is, like, the 12th seed in the NCAA. Like, he could turn it around. It's not. It's not. Not impossible.
Bill Simmons
Well, it's also not like Jim Harbaugh going to Michigan and having to, like, build the whole thing and recruit people and like, that. College football. Now you're just basically buying a team.
Cousin Sal
Right?
Bill Simmons
And you're just trying to outmaneuver people and steal people and.
Cousin Sal
Well, he's going to reach 35 guys, and so, like, eight of them have to hit versus NFL where you can only draft like seven dudes and four, I think the odds are in his favor for sure.
Bill Simmons
No rules is good for him. All right. The big game today was Detroit, Buffalo, who are basically the same team. I realized as I was watching. I know. I know Buffalo won, but need the lead. Explosive offense, unstoppable, and can't get stops right. So it's kind of like Whoever is up 10, nothing, it's. The game's over. And in this game, for whatever reason, Buffalo took the early lead, and then Detroit's playing catch up after that. But it's a. It's a recipe that usually does not work to actually win the title is my point. Like, even I read this stat. Here's a good stat for you. So Buffalo scored 30 plus in eight games in a row. Right. Pretty hard to do. The other teams who have done that, the 2000 Rams, 2007 Pats, 2010 Pats, and the 2013 Broncos. 0. Super Bowls with those teams.
Cousin Sal
Wow.
Bill Simmons
So they'd be, you know, they always have a chance to break the trend. But I just feel like we've seen teams like this that are awesome offensively with an awesome player, but if you can't get stops at some point, that's killing you.
Cousin Sal
It's so funny because the reverse that I saw was that the Chiefs have not scored 31 points this year, and any. And they compared it to other teams who have not scored 31, and they'll have two wins, three wins, four wins. Like, they're all junk. And through the years, they've all been junk. So, yeah, there's. There should be a happy medium, but, yeah, I mean, that's my Super Bowl. Detroit, Buffalo. It was. Was. It wasn't good. I wish that game was. It was entertaining, but it just wasn't good. You never. I never thought the Lions could come back. I mean, I know people get on Campbell for onside kicking there, but the lions gave up 8.2 yards per play. They kind of had to do something at some point.
Bill Simmons
No. Could we argue about this? Because it was terrible. Let's do it. Terrible decision. It's terrible because if it was a sneak on Sidekick with the old rules, I'm all for it. I get it. You have to announce it's an onside kick. So it's basically. It's.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, but you say it low. Just say really low. So they kind of can't.
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
What is it, like 6%, 7%, something like that kick. So that's one out of every 12 converts. Their defense so they're basically saying their defense can't stop Buffalo's offense 11 out of 12 times and that an outside kick is better option than that. There's no way you could tip a pass. There's all different ways to stop an offense.
Cousin Sal
11 out of stupid 8 yards of play, it's kind of the same thing, right? And he probably looked up and down.
Bill Simmons
Nobody gets onside kicks. We've seen like one recovered the whole year. It's like you might as well freaking buy a lottery ticket.
Cousin Sal
I mean, like, Allen was jogging for first downs. I mean, he must have looked up and down the roster. So Carlton Davis was hurt, Dorsey was carted off. McNeil, the injury got worse and worse. So I get it. But I get it. He's too. He is too aggressive in general, but.
Bill Simmons
That was too aggressive. If you're just two percentages, that's no contest. Your defense, you could. They could fumble a shotgun snap, they could drop a pass. Like all kinds of things could happen. Onside kick, you need like, it's basically a miracle. So Detroit, the reason I picked them and lost was I thought they were going to run the ball down Buffalo's throat. And I don't know why I wouldn't have thought that, because Buffalo can't stop the run. Detroit's credit it. Detroit, 15 carries for 48 yards. Yeah, Goff ends up throwing 59 times for four, 94 and five TDs. But the team that ran the ball down somebody's throat was Buffalo. And they ran for almost 200 yards, including Allen. They ran for four TDs, 28 first downs, 559 yards. And this was what, you know, I get it. If you're picking this, if you're picking Buffalo in this game, you're saying Detroit's defense cannot handle Josh Allen. And that turned out to be the correct answer.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, but it's also screwed up. I know what you're saying. Like, Goff threw five touchdowns and he had five interceptions against. Was it the Texans? And they won that game, but lost.
Bill Simmons
This game, lost this one.
Cousin Sal
The season's kind of screwy. It really is.
Bill Simmons
Well, how about this? Buffalo in the last two weeks has given up 86 points over a thousand yards and 53 first downs in the last two weeks. Like, I know the Josh Allen thing is super fun, but this is not how you win Super Bowls. And somebody's going to get them at some point. Unless he. He would have to be superhuman in a way. Very few guys in the history of the league have just thrown a team in their back. I think to win with the defense he has. But Detroit's defense is worse and they lost three more guys today. They lost McNeil. McNeil might be out for the year, so it's never been a better spot. I don't think for, for, you know, this Eagles team that everyone gave up on, including me three months ago.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. I'm trying to think of the one seed is a little. I saw 43% for Detroit, 34% for the Eagles. And yet Minnesota controls their own destiny. If they win, they have tough games. But if they win all three or I guess four now they say they still have to play tomorrow, then they win, they get, they get the one seed.
Bill Simmons
Cause they got Detroit last week of the season.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
And a game that we owe it. We had thought for weeks and weeks that would be the game where Detroit rested everybody and Minnesota was going to be favored by 11 and a half. That's not happening.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Here's the bad news for Detroit. This is another stat I read. No team has ever allowed 45 points in a home game and then won the Super Bowl.
Cousin Sal
Wow.
Bill Simmons
So they did that today.
Cousin Sal
Your Patriots never did that.
Bill Simmons
No, apparently not.
Cousin Sal
Bill Belichick's defense. No, I know. Yeah. It sucks for them because if this was the 1950s and we played a 12 game schedule, they would be in dynamite shape.
Bill Simmons
That's true. Well, on the positives for Buffalo, there's some. A mini. He's not good enough to be a Ewing theory guy, but there's a little mini Ewing theory case for Stefan Diggs now. But they lose him and they're more exciting, more fun. Josh having the best year ever. They beat Casey and they beat Detroit. That's good.
Cousin Sal
It's good.
Bill Simmons
Wins. I think the big thing for me though is I would have said eight weeks ago who was going to finish the season as the most exciting guy in the league. And Lamar would have been like a minus 1000 favorite. Like Lamar we talked about on this pod. Like Lamar almost had to be on a multi view screen because he's so exciting. And Josh kind of leapfrogged him. It feels like right. He's the most exciting guy in the league down. I don't think Lamar even got less exciting. But the shit Josh is doing, it's like watching a senior in high school playing like the freshman team and he's just like, I'm going to fuck around. I'm trying to impress this girl in the stands. I'm just going to do some stuff and just like demolishing them, even the.
Cousin Sal
Flip passes on third down that just have to get over the line. Like he's just doing. Like I said, he's like jogging out of bounds for seven yards. And maybe it was just mostly because it's a line. I think what we learned from the Bills, as bad as the defenses and everything, they are a tough out. They're really, they're never. We saw that with the Rams. Right. The Rams had them dead to rights. They didn't belong in that game at all. They're a tough out. And when they get up, they're going to get up too much and it's going to be hard to come back on them. So it might just be enough. By the way, that MVP run, you know, it should be an sb probably for multi View player of the year, but that MVP is over. I don't know if in reality Saquon ever had a chance, but he's minus 900 now. Josh Allen, it's over. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Well, the thing with Josh, I was thinking about, I was thinking about like the great quarterback seasons. So since, since we were in college, 1989, only six quarterbacks have won MVP and Super bowl in the same season. Unless I miss somebody, Mahomes was the last one in 22. Manning did it in 06. Oh, Manning didn't do it in 06. Cause Tomlinson won, so he's out. Kurt Warner, Favre, Steve Young in 94 and Montana in 89. And your guy didn't win.
Cousin Sal
Brady never did it.
Bill Simmons
My guy never had the MVP, but then also won the. Like he won in 07 and 17, but they didn't win the title those years, so. But then there's this different title when somebody has a season like the one he's having that it's just like a memorable season. Like Rogers had that awesome 2011 season, but then the Giants beat him in the playoffs. But that whole regular season is incredible. Cam had that awesome 2015 season, you know, Brady had that awesome 07 season that was like iconic. And then they lost anyway. And I wonder which camp is Allen going to be? And if I had to bet, I would probably bet he's going to be in that Brady07 side. Like incredible, memorable, unbelievable season. But it wasn't good enough to win the super bowl, so.
Cousin Sal
But how many teams could beat him? Like you, you know, like, I don't know. They already beat. I know they never count the Chiefs out. Now with Mahomes, it might get sketchy anyway. But who, who stops them in the afc? You think like Lamar, like, heads up.
Bill Simmons
I think it's a team that outscores them and gets the lead on them first and makes them play from behind, basically.
Cousin Sal
It's not easy.
Bill Simmons
I think that's how it has to do. That's how it have to happen. But the best teams are in the nfc. But yeah, you're right. This could be a year. It would be great. Did you pick them to win or you pick them to make?
Cousin Sal
I picked them to win. I picked them to beat the Lions.
Bill Simmons
That'd be amazing for you. Certainly atone for a lot of. A lot of sins of predictions you made in August.
Cousin Sal
In August, I thought we did well. No, you're right. Yeah. I had enough of the Browns and the Raiders and just shitty teams like, you learned that. You learned.
Bill Simmons
You learned back.
Cousin Sal
I'm still betting will leave us. I learned a lot.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, well, that wasn't your fault. But, yeah, I mean, the fun thing about Buffalo is that it's just super fun. But, you know, the Jim Kelly teams are also super fun. So at some point we'll see if this can translate. But the thing that's been so cool about it is just. It was like this thing. I remember I talked about it after Bill Walton died when I went to see him, and he was talking about Larry Bird and he was talking about this last level when it's like, not just the performance, but the artistry of the performance and how you resonate with the crowd. Like, it feels like Alan's gone to another level with some of this stuff. Like, he's just so great to watch on some of these plays. Like, my wife was sitting down with me for like a quarter, and she's just like, that guy's amazing. Is he the best guy in the league? I'm like, yeah, he actually is. Yeah.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, good call.
Bill Simmons
But he's just like. He just jumps out of the TV now.
Cousin Sal
But imagine what her reaction would be if she had watched. If she had watched the 10am the 1pm games out.
Bill Simmons
That's true.
Cousin Sal
And then watch Josh Allen. Oh, my God, this guy doesn't belong in the league or those guys don't. One or the other, because they're playing a different brand of football.
Bill Simmons
Well. And for anybody who would say, no, he's been like this for a few years. He hasn't, because he made turnover. He had a shitload of turnovers last year. He doesn't turn the ball over anymore. His decision making is just way better this year. Yeah. Haley Steinfield, I think it's gonna be good. Maybe that was it.
Cousin Sal
He's got it all.
Bill Simmons
Next next game was Philly Pittsburgh, which I stay, I stayed at the craps table. One hand too long or one shoot too long with Pittsburgh. They were great to me this year. Pickens not playing. I like the under. The case for them was low scoring game, you know, rock fight, 16, 14, 20. But what I didn't surprise was Philly moved the ball on them like they had some long ass drives. Then walk gets hurt at the end. That was a bad loss for Pittsburgh, I thought.
Cousin Sal
Really bad. And they only had two drives in the second half, if I'm not mistaken. I look it up and yeah, I think they just walked into a situation where Philadelphia, you know, first of all, the A.J. brown thing, that squeaky wheel A.J. brown figured it out. If I'm Jahad Dodson, the third string wide receiver, I'm complaining all week. Talk about how he and Jalen hurts relationship has changed over the last two months. You'll see your targets will go up. But yeah, and Barkley didn't even have that great a game, but he left.
Bill Simmons
He was gone for the whole second quarter.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I like the Eagles, but I still don't understand. I based it on Russ and I'm like, this guy's got to have a bad game. He really didn't have that terrible game. He really didn't. They just never really, I don't know. I know time of possession won't indicate this, but the drives were great for Philadelphia. They didn't, they didn't squander any opportunities.
Bill Simmons
Did the ball for 40 minutes.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Did 26 first downs. They were 10 for 17 on third down. And the case for Pittsburgh in this game was their defense is going to be able to stand up to Philly and they, they just didn't. With that said, the rookie fumbles the punt for Philly, Pittsburgh gets the ball. All of a sudden they're on like the three yard line and then that in this goofy penalty happens where the guy keeps blocking after the whistle, right? There's no more devastating penalty than the. We're about to score, uh oh, 15 yards. Now we're on the 18. It's a, it's a fucking gut punch. So they, they squander that. And then Najee fumbles. When they're driving again, they have this great drive going and he just fumbles a pitch. And it really came down to those two plays. I didn't feel like they were that far away from them. But Philly played better, obviously.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, they have trouble there too. I Think they lost their last nine or last nine against the spread in Philadelphia. So I kind of liked everything. I took that. That was a win for me. I took them adjusted 9 1/2 Philly which was outrageous because Tomlin as an underdog is usually good. But I just figured. And so now they're locked in as a three pretty much. I know we're going to play the few although the Ravens is a big one. Now we have the Ravens to win the division. We're back in a little bit.
Bill Simmons
I in the back, back, back of my head. I was a little worried about the games today just because of how weird this stretches. We talked about in the ringer Sunday pregame where these teams play today, then Saturday, then Wednesday. There's four teams. Right. And it's just. I don't. Neither of us are going to understand just what the mentality is of to be ready. But no, you also have to be ready two more times over the next week and a half. Bas. So I don't know. I. They didn't seem like Pittsburgh today. No.
Cousin Sal
For sure. Yeah. Maybe I think you're right with this weird 10 day stretch. Maybe we do like I do in the NBA where you take both teams minus nine and a half. I don't know what the equivalent would be in football, but it's not it. It should be. We should have known this week was going to be weird with the crap ass Thursday game. San Francisco and the Rams. That was so bad too.
Bill Simmons
Is there an MVP case for George Pickens?
Cousin Sal
I saw you said that maybe that should be a separate award. Right? How would you. What would you call it?
Bill Simmons
He's like kind of. He's like the secret mvp. It's like when they don't have George Pickens, they, they. They just don't get three explosive plays a game.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
I do think I made a mental note watching the games today. Like just for the super bowl, you need to be able to run the ball and you need like three explosive ball plays a game and if you can't do that, I think you're like an automatic cross off, you know what I mean? And Pickens was like their only. Yeah. Eagles. The Eagles. This episode is brought to you by Better Help. It's nice to see all the different family traditions people do this time of year. You know, it's become one of my new favorite traditions. My daughter comes home from college. We haven't seen her in la, where I live since the beginning of August. So when she comes home she. It feels like the conquering hero's back. I love it. However you plan to spend your time during the holiday season. I hope you guys are happy, but also you should be feeling that way all year round. So make sure you bring yourself some comfort that'll never go away. And try therapy. Therapy teaches us so many different skills and coping techniques like positive coping skills, how to relax, and it can help everyone, not just people who've experienced a major trauma. If you want to try it out for yourself, check out BetterHelp. It's an easy, convenient way to get started, especially since everything is online. All you have to do is fill out a short questionnaire and then you'll be matched with a licensed therapist. It's that easy. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.combillSimmons today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L P.combillSimmons this episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. Seeing a band or your favorite sports team in person is great, but it could be even better with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card. It can help turn every moment into an unforgettable experience with early access tickets to concerts and sporting events, and access to some of the best seats in the house. You'll also earn three times the points on travel and dining purchases. Find your next experience with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Learn more@chase.com Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank NA member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply. Can do it. That's, you know, and obviously Buffalo can too. Tampa Chargers, which I wisely stayed away From Tampa drops 40 on the Chargers.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, very weird because it seemed like Baker was going to have a reckless type of game, right? And then he just righted the ship. The ship. I feel like Herbert, you know, he was really only like, only like Thursday where he came off the injured list.
Bill Simmons
That he did not look good at.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, he wasn't throwing with force.
Bill Simmons
Mike Evans had a two touchdown game, which fantasy playoffs. Of course he was going to do that, right? And then Cardinals Pats. That was another west west late gamer. There might be a mutiny with the Pats fans soon. The coaching is so bad it's indescribable. I just can't believe it. And then the coach comes after the game. We have Drake May 3rd and 1, 4th and 1. Like the key sequence of the game. And they don't sneak with him either time and one. Another time they had him in the shotgun on fourth and one. It's like this guy's almost six, six Right. Like, pretty sure we could QB sneak him. I know we can't block, but maybe take a. So they don't. They get stuffed and that. That flips the game. And someone asked Mayo about it after and he's basically like, yeah, I don't know what we were doing. Like, it was literally just threw the OC under the bus. Then they asked Drake May about it, who seems to be the only person on the team who's devastated after every loss.
Cousin Sal
Good.
Bill Simmons
Like Crest fallen on the sidelines and they talked to him after. And somebody asked him, like, why don't they ever sneak you? And he's like, honestly, I don't know. I'm almost. I'm six, five. Like, it's a play that's worked my whole career. I don't know why we don't.
Cousin Sal
Do you think they're afraid of the. Well, they're afraid of the result. Because what were you, like, 130% conversion on fourth down with Belichick and Brady. Like, if you're.
Bill Simmons
Brady had got stuff that thing twice out of 1200 plays.
Cousin Sal
Jesus. Yeah, right. So maybe that's the thing.
Bill Simmons
I'm exaggerating. But.
Cousin Sal
No, maybe not. Look back. I don't. You know, listen, I have you right where I want you. I want you to be infatuated with this Drake May, because otherwise you get sidetracked. And we talk about the NBA cup and pretend that it's great for 15 minutes every Sunday. I love it.
Bill Simmons
He's unbelievable. For three quarters they just hand off and have him throw bubble screens and do nothing that he's like really great at. And then they'll fall behind by 20. And then all of a sudden it's like, hey, you should throw him down. Wing it downfield. And then he's like, perfect 40 yard pass and you should roll out. It's like, oh, he does that. Like, it's like you just did that the whole game play.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
I don't understand why they don't play with tempo. It's super frustrating. We have two good players because Gonzalez, like completely shut down Harrison.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Shut him down. They went to him multiple times, shut him down. I didn't think it was a great win for the Cardinals because it actually felt like the game was a little closer.
Cousin Sal
It's weird.
Bill Simmons
We thought, I think they're the only.
Cousin Sal
Team with seven wins. Right. Or does Seattle have. I think they're the only ones.
Bill Simmons
Seattle is eight. Oh, yeah, you're right. Arizona is the only seven win team in the league.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
But we should talk about that, because Seattle loses and now we have the Rams are in the three spot and Seattle's now out of the playoffs, which we were talking this morning. I have Seattle division, Seattle to make the playoffs. Seattle over like all that's all that somehow still in play. I thought Seattle was going to beat Green Bay and was very bullish on Seattle. And I've liked Green Bay the whole year, but I just. I just thought this was a Seattle week and Green Bay finally played the game that I felt like they could play the whole year. And of course I had the other side. They were great.
Cousin Sal
They were excellent. And I just think we have to look at Josh Jacobs for these next few weeks. Like we look at Barkley and we look at Henry like he's just going to take control of games. I really do. I don't know what happened. I don't know what kicked into gear. I mean, he's been good all year, but this is tonight.
Bill Simmons
He was special the first two drives today. He was. He looked like Terrell Davis.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. That said, they're plus 1 80. I mean, the Rams didn't impress me at all Thursday night. I know it was in the rain and everything, but I feel like 49ers dropped seven balls on offense and defense. One of them catch. It's a different story.
Bill Simmons
But guys quitting on the sidelines during the game. Yeah, yeah. That's all kinds of stuff happening.
Cousin Sal
Plus 180 though, for Seattle. They could, they could. I know you're down on them right now and you have enough on it, but I could see them making.
Bill Simmons
Well, Gino got hurt. What happened to Gino?
Cousin Sal
Right. That's true. We have to see. I know it was a knee injury, so. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
How.
Cousin Sal
Mr. Howell's not taking him anywhere.
Bill Simmons
I was really. I gotta say, I was really disappointed in Seattle. They'd kind of wrote me in thinking their defense was good. And then Jacobs really big boy'd him, I thought. And they gave up some big plays. They had a couple of bad pass interferences. They just played like shit. It's a Sunday night game at home. You're underdogs. You need the game. Cause the Rams miraculously beat Buffalo and beat the Niners in a five day span, which the odds of that were probably seven to one. Right. So then they have the Rams sitting there at 8 and 6 and they can't believe it. Probably they're like A, how are we eight and six? B, how are we leading a division?
Cousin Sal
Yeah. What did they. That game was disgusting. Cooper cup with a massive middle Finger to fantasy owners. I mean, no catches like an Andre the giant size middle finger. And they still, they still won that game.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, the. So the Rams, they lost to Miami by eight. They barely beat the Pats. And they lost to Philly by 23. They lost to Philly 37 to 14 in week 12. And at that point they were 5 and 6 with Buffalo and San Francisco looming. And Seattle in week 18, Arizona. Week 17 they beat New Orleans, which was a little closer than it was. 21:14 it was. That game was actually kind of close.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
Beat Buffalo, beat San Francisco. Now they got. They're playing washed Rogers at the jets next week.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
And have a legitimate chance now for like 11 wins. It's fucking crazy.
Cousin Sal
Well, they end with the two teams in their division, right. I do think this is the one division that'll come down to week 18. They're home against Seattle on January 5th.
Bill Simmons
Arizona is not good. And it wasn't just the couple of ways the Pat screwed up today. Kyler had his terrible Kyler pass that he does once a game and he throws it. He throws it right to it. Right after we got stuffed on third and one and fourth and one, right. Kyler throws this jump pass and gets drilled as he's throwing it. We intercept that, we're on like they're 15 and they call a roughing the passer, right. The guy's jumping up in the air to block the pass and then. And then kind of just hits Kyler because he's trying to block it. Yeah, it was ridiculous.
Cousin Sal
That pass was so bad too. That was the worst of the day. And because he got sandwiched. Meanwhile, the guy from behind didn't really get him at all. There was nothing illegal or nothing, you know, even close. But from. From the front it looked worse than it was. Some of these pass roughing, the passers are like, Justin Fields got one. It's like, I don't know, there's been.
Bill Simmons
Some really bad ones.
Cousin Sal
They're like, oh, well, they hit him high. It's like, yeah, because he went low at the very last second. Otherwise that's not high.
Bill Simmons
So the cards are 7 and 7 and yet they bear. I know they didn't barely beat the Pats by the score, but I swear the Pats were weirdly in that game. They lose to Seattle twice in three weeks and then we see Seattle just get the tar kicked out of them tonight. So I'm going to be selling on.
Cousin Sal
Arizona and I don't selling Arizona's. You don't like them at Seven to one for the division.
Bill Simmons
No, I don't. So right now, our playoff matchups. Afc, Buffalo, home for the Chargers. It's kind of fun. I don't know in a million years how the Chargers could keep up with Buffalo points. I think it'd probably play out like the Tampa game today.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Pittsburgh home for Denver. We didn't. We didn't talk about that Denver game enough because Denver was super lucky. I'm sure like Knicks was terrible. Knicks had three picks, you know, and we talked about all the Colts stuff.
Cousin Sal
Yep.
Bill Simmons
But Denver's going to be probably a six seed against Pittsburgh and then.
Cousin Sal
Or Baltimore hopefully. But maybe Pittsburgh.
Bill Simmons
Right. A Baltimore combat some. And then Houston. Baltimore would be the 4 5. Unless Pittsburgh and Baltimore flip. So Pittsburgh, Denver looks incredibly Shakies to me.
Cousin Sal
Oh, no, no, no, no. They always. Oh yeah, you're right. Because if Baltimore falls in that 4 5, they may not give.
Bill Simmons
They're not putting Lamar in the Shakies game. He's too good.
Cousin Sal
Right. And then. So what's the.
Bill Simmons
Maybe you put Lamar in the Sunday. The early Sunday game.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah, that would be that. Where that goes. So then the other NFC south gets the Shakies game or you really think Pittsburgh and the Shakies game.
Bill Simmons
So NSC is. Would be right now, Philly versus Washington, solid. Rams versus Green Bay, excellent. And then Tampa, Minnesota, which I think is a good game.
Cousin Sal
Oh yeah, you're right.
Bill Simmons
That can't be the Shakiest game.
Cousin Sal
No, I know you're right.
Bill Simmons
And then the interesting one is I think Amazon's getting the Saturday night game, which is usually like the best game. I don't know what that is. With those six matchups. It's probably Rams, Green Bay. I would think in la.
Cousin Sal
They like a cold one though last. Last year it was the Chiefs. Right. It could be Buffalo. They might do Buffalo there.
Bill Simmons
So Chargers at Buffalo. Harbaugh goes to Buffalo maybe.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's a good nut. They got enough to talk about there. Chargers will actually have fans more than they did today. Be interesting.
Bill Simmons
The Rams have Jets on the road, Arizona and Seattle at home. Seattle is Minnesota at home. Chicago and the Rams on the road.
Cousin Sal
Well, you're right. If Geno Smith's iffy this they don't have a chance. It is weird. He should be better at home though. He wasn't. We went over stats on the pregame show. Like he's not. Yeah, the 12th man does nothing for him.
Bill Simmons
I think I hit everything. We didn't talk about Dan Quinn screwing up that Washington game. And screwing up everybody's teases. I guess that was the last thing we didn't hit.
Cousin Sal
It was. Is the referee's name Dan Quinn? I mean, I know it was. That was. You know. Look, I'm not saying the league got in their ears because everybody had Washington on a teaser and they needed to screw everyone over. But the ref stopped the clock. Sorry, Fast forwarding to 20 to 13. Rattler to Foster Moreau. Nine seconds left, clearly in bounds. And the ref stop the clock for, like, two. Yeah, yeah. And then they score with three seconds left. And then they go for two, which would have killed Moneyline parlays, but it was enough at 20 to 19 to kill the minus seven and a half. Switch went to one and a half. That was bizarre. And then they taught. They. They said they screwed it up after the game, and they're like, but we can't review that. We're not allowed to review that. So they can make the most. The worst error you could imagine that everybody could see and agree to it right then, but they can't change it. I don't know.
Bill Simmons
So you don't think they could have spiked it in time? Because I actually think they could have spiked it with, like, a second left, maybe tackle like nine seconds left. But, yeah, it was incredible that the clocks. There's literally no reason for the clocks stuff.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
But then when they're up seven with the ball and it looks like they're running out the clock, McLaurin drops the touchdown. Or it's Sailor. I forget whose fault that was. So I guess Daniel sailed it on him a little, and we looked like that was going to be.
Cousin Sal
No.
Bill Simmons
And now all of a sudden, they kick a field goal. Guy misses it. Now freaking Spencer Rattler. He's coming back down. And. And all of a sudden, Houses is his Washington tees.
Cousin Sal
Oh, poor house. I know. But listen, for us, we have to be looking forward to. We have to zone in on who's the team we want to root against in the playoffs or bet against in the playoffs. This Washington team's got all the makings.
Bill Simmons
I think they haven't played a game that's impressed me in, like, two months.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
You know, I mean, and you think, like, they had a couple of wins there that they shouldn't have won. They could probably be three wins lighter. Right. What's their record now? They're nine and five. They could easily be six and eight. Well, the Hail Mary game. There was that other stupid game.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
And then this game.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Let's do guest alliance yeah, we didn't.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I guess we didn't talk Mahomes getting hurt, but that's about it. Oh. I mean, he's definitely not playing this Saturday, right? No.
Bill Simmons
I just feel like the holiday season hasn't officially started until Mahomes has some sort of injury, and then we just have to. Yeah, it's just he's got to start limping around. That's how he gets ready for the playoffs.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
It's like. It's like how a bear needs to sleep during the winter. Same thing. You need some sort of limp and then he's fine.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. But that said, not playing Saturday and for sure playing. Oh, because they need him on. They need him on Christmas. He has to play Christmas. Netflix spent way too much money on that game. Right.
Bill Simmons
Like, Netflix throws him in a plane and gets him to Germany for all kinds of, like, stuff to pump into his ankles.
Cousin Sal
He's playing that game. That's what I'm saying. But not this week. And that's why. Yeah. I mean, Netflix offered Jackson Mahomes a standup special. They offered. They'll do whatever they can to get him there. The wife could be in Squid game three, whatever they want. He's playing in that game, no question.
Bill Simmons
Well, I agree with you because I guessed my Texans game, assuming he wasn't going to play.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Because I think if it's a choice, you want to just wait if you can't play him in both if he's got a bad week.
Cousin Sal
Well, because they're two up on Buffalo, right? One. One and a half, technically, because they lose the tiebreaker, so so be it. If they lose the one game, but then there'll be two left, there'll be a half game up.
Bill Simmons
Also, if I'm them, I'm fine. Oh, no. We're the two seed. This episode is brought to you by Workday. Get the whole band together with Workday and pair finance and HR on one platform for an epic performance. With Workday AI at the core, you'll make confident decisions faster than ever. And you'll drive flawless business and finance operations with an agile platform that constantly evolves to future proof your organization. Be a Finance and HR Rockstar with Workday. Visit workday.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Life's always changing. One season you're trying to break personal records, and the next, you're just looking for a solid routine. Peloton is here for all of it, with workouts that flex to fit your schedule. Whatever it looks like, you've got options from four week strength programs to running, cycling, and everything in between. Peloton's got the tools to adapt to whatever goal you're chasing in this season of your life. And here's the real kicker. With Peloton's all access membership, you can work out wherever you need to at home, on the bike, tread or row or even on the go with the app. Take your favorite classes with you to the gym, on the road, wherever. So whatever you're aiming for, that 5am club or squeezing in a late night session, Peloton is ready whenever you are. Find your push, find your power. With peloton@onepeleton.com we have to play the Chargers, who can, you know, barely get to 20 points. Guess the lines. We have games Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and then Wednesday. This is an official don't get divorced stretch. It's tough, especially with the holidays. Yeah, they're really, really trying to fuck with our marriages.
Cousin Sal
Don't make it easy. Yep.
Bill Simmons
And speaking of fucking, you're fucking tied with me right now. It's seven. Seven.
Cousin Sal
I know, I know. Seven, seven. One week 16.
Bill Simmons
You haven't beaten me since 1932.
Cousin Sal
Stop it. Before then I. I was off on a few, but. Okay, well, we'll see. Let's see. I hit this one exactly. Though I know you're going to think that's bullshit, but I did hit the Thursday night one.
Bill Simmons
Guess the lines. Thursday night, Chargers home for the Denver Broncos. And I made the line. Chargers by three.
Cousin Sal
Yep. All right. We split that one. It is three. Yeah. And that's what it was today. Does that make sense? Let's. Let's think about this. It was three against Tampa. Denver is equal to Tampa even though the Chargers got slaughtered.
Bill Simmons
Tampa's a little better than. Tampa's a little better than Denver.
Cousin Sal
Right. Tampa's better, but charges keep. Keep the three because Tampa's better. All right. Yeah, that's fine. A lot of Broncos fans, you know.
Bill Simmons
Speaking of Tampa, that NFC south bet, which is one of the only futures I really, truly care about because we made such a big deal about it.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
NFC under 30 wins.
Cousin Sal
Where are you?
Bill Simmons
Well, I'll tell you that Tampa win. Didn't. Didn't. I didn't love it, but.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
We are right now at 22 wins with three weeks left. So it's like. And teams play each other, so I feel like I've clinched it. NFC east is at 29 wins. There's seven wins higher. This was one of our big bets before the year was the NFC. We made FanDuel create this prop NFC east more wins than the NFC south and it was minus 175.
Cousin Sal
And now we're going to bankrupt FanDuel as a result. And you could thank my Cowboys for beating the Panthers. You could thank. That's one step closer.
Bill Simmons
That was big. That really helped because it's a big day.
Cousin Sal
Yep.
Bill Simmons
Two Saturday games.
Cousin Sal
Yep.
Bill Simmons
Chiefs, Texans in KC and neither of us think Mahomes is playing. And I'm going to make Houston the favorite. I'm going to say Houston by one and a half.
Cousin Sal
All right, I said two. It is two and a half edge out there. You'll get this next one, though.
Bill Simmons
Texans 2. I wonder how many times the Chiefs have been home dogs in week 18.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, he can't play. No way.
Bill Simmons
Andy Reid moved one. One win closer to Belichick, by the way.
Cousin Sal
Where. Where is he now?
Bill Simmons
He is at. Hold on, let me get it.
Cousin Sal
He is.
Bill Simmons
271. He's 31 away. And he's five playoff wins behind him too.
Cousin Sal
Somehow the NFL. Yeah, the NFL will give him the record this year. But yeah, you've done enough. It's fine.
Bill Simmons
Please catch Belichick. Please catch Belichick. We've decided to tamper with your salary cap space so you have more money to spend. Okay. The other Saturday game, Ravens, Steelers, which I think I would have had Ravens by two and a half as recently as like three weeks ago. But I'm. I gotta say Ravens by four.
Cousin Sal
Oh, man, you got me. Oh, I thought you were gonna go lower. Now. I said three and a half. It's six and a half. So I think.
Bill Simmons
Holy mackerel.
Cousin Sal
I think we could hedge a little with our bet. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I mean, we could cover this. We could make. When we won't win both, but we could take six and a half. Right. And they can win an 1816 game. Like they played.
Bill Simmons
Well, tell the audience. What's our. What was our bet? It was division champs. Chiefs, Ravens, Bills.
Cousin Sal
Chiefs, Ravens, Bills, Texans. Yeah, we did. The whole city did.
Bill Simmons
We did it before the season or like week one?
Cousin Sal
No, we saw like a month of action. They were like, this is stupid. We got it.
Bill Simmons
And it literally was stupid because we're losing.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, it is. It's always stupid.
Bill Simmons
Yeah. I think the Steelers are going to be. Even if they have Pickens, it's not going to be 100% pickings, but that's a lot of points to lay in a second time they've played AFC North, Raven, Steelers Game.
Cousin Sal
It is a lot. I wonder what they. They're just predicting like they're going to melt down at this point. Like they, you know. All right. Tomlin has them over 500 like he always does and now we see them slip to the six seed or whatever. I don't know.
Bill Simmons
I was texting with the fantasy guys because Craig's a big Steelers fan during that game and it was like Steelers bingo. It was hitting all the check marks of.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
Dumb penalty to pull them out of a touchdown. And T.J. watts hurt. It hit like nine of the check marks.
Cousin Sal
Naji. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Yeah. It's a stupid fumble. Sunday marquee game. I think it's Eagles Washington. Right. Isn't that our best Sunday game? Vikings, Seahawks.
Cousin Sal
You would have said mini Seattle probably before tonight.
Bill Simmons
But yeah, I think it's Eagles Washington.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think you're right.
Bill Simmons
Eagles going for 11 in a row second time they played. Their games are always weird and it's in Washington. So I'm going to say Eagles by three and a half.
Cousin Sal
Oh man. Really? I said five and you got it. Exactly. It's three and a half. Why not five?
Bill Simmons
Because these two teams play weird games. I think that's the only reason.
Cousin Sal
26:18 the last game I was in Philly. Yeah. I guess I'm down on Washington. I don't know why.
Bill Simmons
I think you should be. I don't. I think they little smoke and mares those first six weeks. Daniels hasn't been. Daniels has not been the same since he got hurt whenever that whatever week that was like.
Cousin Sal
Yep.
Bill Simmons
You know he was like lasers to everybody the first five weeks.
Cousin Sal
Sure. They never punted. Yeah. They were a two point conversion away from a terrible team from losing today.
Bill Simmons
So I only have two watchable games and part of it is because we have two Saturday games and I pulled two good ones out. But there's only two good games on and these aren't even that good. One of them is Vikings at Seattle. Which that's it for Seattle. I think if they lose and the Vikings are definitely going to be favored. I have the Vikings by three.
Cousin Sal
I got this exactly three and a half. And I mean it's going to be more if there's no Geno Smith, but it seems like he's playing right.
Bill Simmons
Sam Howell against the Vikings defense would not make me feel good.
Cousin Sal
No.
Bill Simmons
So then the other one I have for a watchable. You're going to laugh but Jags Raiders in Vegas. Really all kinds of draft pick ramifications in this. Not that I mean does Anyone even care past Sanders and no people are going to care where Hunter gets drafted?
Cousin Sal
Sure.
Bill Simmons
Will people care where the Boise State.
Cousin Sal
Running back gets drafted John thing? No, I don't. I don't think so. I think he'll.
Bill Simmons
People don't trust him.
Cousin Sal
He'll become like a great running back. Whatever. He'll go where he goes. Yeah. I mean who was the last great one? Bijan. I mean the last one that went. Did he go 10?
Bill Simmons
Bijan was pretty high. Yeah, he was top 10.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
All right, Jags at Raiders. This is probably the Raiders last chance. This is a huge game for the Patriots. This would. If the cause the Patriots aren't going to win again if the Jags. We need Mac Jones to somehow pull off a win. But I have the Jaguars favored by two in Vegas.
Cousin Sal
So that's what I had, I swear I did. And it's Vegas by one and a half. Okay, where did they get that from?
Bill Simmons
I do not know who their quarterback is. Is it the Riddler?
Cousin Sal
I guess as of the tomorrow I guess it will be in the Riddler. So Atlanta's favored by five and a half over the Vegas. But Jaguars, they suck too. I don't know, I can't make.
Bill Simmons
I might bet this game fairly Watchables Bills, Patriots I think has to be 14. So I'm going to say 14.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I went 16 and a half. It's 14 and a half. You get that five to four, you're up.
Bill Simmons
One thing with the Pats, they have cheap touchdown potential at the end because that's the only time they kind of let Bay do his thing. They had another interception. That wasn't his fault today. I don't know if you saw Boutique. Yeah when he threw throws it to him. He did the receiver thing where he just flings it up in the air for the safety. That needs a name, that needs to be named after somebody. There had to be some receiver who did that better than anyone's keeping track of these stats.
Cousin Sal
There's gotta be somebody that has a. Let's go to our next gen stats and see who fucks up more. Good pass.
Bill Simmons
That guy fucked up and cost you an interception. Interception. Lions. Bears in Chicago. I with this Lions defense I think putting high lines on them at this point is pretty risky. I'm gonna say Lions favored by six and a half in Detroit, I mean in Chicago.
Cousin Sal
Oh, you get this. I said eight, it's seven.
Bill Simmons
Oh, you're right, I do get it.
Cousin Sal
You get it. You get it, man. Do you not have San Francisco, Miami Isn't that weird that that's at best a fairly watchable.
Bill Simmons
That game will be awful.
Cousin Sal
No, no, I know, but their fans.
Bill Simmons
Don'T want to watch that game.
Cousin Sal
But if I would have told you, two was the starter for Miami and Purdy's the starter for San Francisco. I know they're. It's a brutal.
Bill Simmons
You just took two at number one in the bad community.
Cousin Sal
I know it. I know I'm just a month ago if you would have said this, but they suck.
Bill Simmons
Well, here's another home dog for us, the jets, because they're going to be playing the Rams in Giant Stadium. Yeah, the jets have been moving the ball a little more last couple of games. Now, granted, it's because of their opposition, but you know, they're a little. I think Rogers, with the enigma coming out soon, I think he just looks freer and happier. I'm going to say the Rams by three and a half at the Jets. And this has all the makings of an everybody loses on the Rams bet. So, Yeah, I see J.J. picking them right now on the Sunday game show. Although I shouldn't talk shit because I got killed today.
Cousin Sal
West going east. McVeigh. Yeah, they let down maybe a little bit.
Bill Simmons
Need the game. They need the game, bro.
Cousin Sal
They have extra rest. We'll see. McVeigh. Extra rest. The stats and everything. You get it. It's three. I said two. Don't blow this. Don't blow this. Rams. Come on.
Bill Simmons
This has all the makings. The Rams, the next couple games. Who do they have after this? They have.
Cousin Sal
This is all west, right? NFC west for them after this.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, they're home for Arizona, Seattle, say, all right, we'll take care of the Jets. And then we got Arizona, Seattle. And then all of a sudden they're down 10, nothing. Garrett Wilson had a 90 yard touchdown and Puka's going to the blue tent. Hopefully he doesn't. I'm not going to win for that. 49ers dolphins in Miami. I stared at this one for three minutes.
Cousin Sal
You want another three?
Bill Simmons
49Ers by one was where I landed in Miami.
Cousin Sal
Oh, wow. All right, I get this. I said Miami by three. It's Miami by two and a half. Oh, wow.
Bill Simmons
See, that's why I knew I was off in some direction, man.
Cousin Sal
So mad at Tua. So mad.
Bill Simmons
I just want to point out that Dolphins aren't good. Maybe shouldn't be favored by 2 1/2 over any decent team.
Cousin Sal
It's interesting because they showed the DJs record against teams that are above 500. But I feel like Shanahan's getting there too. He's getting there too lately.
Bill Simmons
Remember we used to do that as a bit. We did what his career winning percentage was. I might have to have to bring that back.
Cousin Sal
Not a bit anymore. Real shit. Yep.
Bill Simmons
I was asking Lombardi cause he came up with DJ for DJ, Mikey Mac for McDonald. Like Shane Steichen. What? What? What's his. He reminded me we already came up with Thailand. Shane for Shane Steichen.
Cousin Sal
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bill Simmons
He's playing Madden on Twitch against somebody in Thailand. He's like, I'm going to call a double pass reverse. Oh no. I got picked off. Reset. Poop. Back to four games. There's some really bad games this week.
Cousin Sal
I know this was the week. That's why today was the day to celebrate. And it's great. But yeah, those Saturday games, screw it.
Bill Simmons
Cause remember, we've already done Raiders Jags, which is a poop factor. But I put it in the watchables.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
Falcons home for the Giants. I have Falcons by nine. What do you have?
Cousin Sal
They're good. I said eight. It's ten and a half. This is gonna be your week. Eight to five, you're up.
Bill Simmons
I'm going to try not to watch any of that game.
Cousin Sal
Can we see the Falcons a little first before we make them a 10 and a half point favorite? Can we see them Monday night?
Bill Simmons
Sunday might be a. Let's not even do a pod.
Cousin Sal
Is that right?
Bill Simmons
I don't know. Do we even. Do we even need to do it? Look at these games. They're terrible.
Cousin Sal
Wow. Well, you might. You know, you might. The Sunday night game is Tampa.
Bill Simmons
Dallas, Colts, Titans. Another one. I don't really want to watch any minutes of. I. It's in Indianapolis and I had the Colts favored by five and a half.
Cousin Sal
That's what I had. It's four and a half Vegas zone right there.
Bill Simmons
Good luck to both of those teams.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's a lot. There's some bad ones here.
Bill Simmons
Cardinals at the Panthers. It's another one. Just be careful with this one, my friends. I have Cardinals by three and a half.
Cousin Sal
That's what I had too. Four.
Bill Simmons
It's four and a half Vegas, man, they're throwing these. These are all stayways two Vegas zones in a row.
Cousin Sal
And then by the way, Cleveland, Cincinnati is fairly watchable. Jamis is fairly watchable the rest of the way.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, I'll move that up. Just. Just. I'll move that up to the fairly watch.
Cousin Sal
Good. Thanks.
Bill Simmons
The Browns are really bad Though Poor Nick Chubb broke his foot today.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that was bad. He. I felt like he broke his wrist the way he's fumbling, fumbling that game away. But. Yeah, this was 2114 when they played in October.
Bill Simmons
I have Bengals by six at home over the Browns.
Cousin Sal
I get this. I said seven and a half. It's seven. That's your teaser game. You love it. You love the Bengals.
Bill Simmons
I don't put bad teams in teases. Sunday night also stinks. Bucks at Dallas.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Yikes.
Cousin Sal
I won't be depressed, Simmons, after this game. Thank God. Thank God they didn't beat the Bengals last week because now I would have been looking at 7. 7. Could they catch Wash?
Bill Simmons
You would have had all those scenarios. Yeah, you would have been making yourself crazy.
Cousin Sal
So good.
Bill Simmons
McCarthy won his job back though. Does that Belichick shadow hanging over him now?
Cousin Sal
Well, that's going to happen. Yeah. Dumb.
Bill Simmons
Sunday night, Tampa at Dallas. I have Tampa by four and a half.
Cousin Sal
I get this. Wait, do I have a chancer?
Bill Simmons
I'm sure you do because you cheat.
Cousin Sal
No, I don't. Well, first of all, I was way off on the Monday, but I have. I had three. It's three and a half.
Bill Simmons
Too low.
Cousin Sal
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. You're up ten. Nine. There's one game left. I was off by four points. So you're going to get it.
Bill Simmons
One, two, three, four, five, six. So we have seven home underdogs next.
Cousin Sal
Week, is that right? Yeah. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Always. Always a red flag.
Cousin Sal
We're going to get hurt.
Bill Simmons
I might scale it back. Didn't have a great week this week after an unbelievable run. Monday night Packers, Saints.
Cousin Sal
You have a four point cushion. Best. Best of luck to you.
Bill Simmons
Thank you. I have packers by 11 and a half at home against the Saints.
Cousin Sal
All right. I said eight and a half. Cause I'm an idiot. It's 12 and a half.
Bill Simmons
I guess I should have just said that. Cause it's never 11 and a half.
Cousin Sal
Right?
Bill Simmons
All right.
Cousin Sal
You're gonna have a 13 point. You'll have a 13 point teaser with Pittsburgh plus 19 and a half. Atlanta over the Giants. You'll figure something out.
Bill Simmons
I can't believe the Seahawks let me down like that.
Cousin Sal
It just got way out of this.
Bill Simmons
Seahawks by 15 and a half. Plus 15 and a half. Come on. Couldn't hit that. Let's do parent corner. What do you got?
Cousin Sal
All right, what do I have? Well, a couple things. My oldest is home. Came back from Oregon like Thursday night. Right. So first night home. He's not going out with his friends. I'm like, oh, that's cool. Maybe we'll stay home, we'll watch. We want to watch Goodfellas for the 907th time. He's like, no, let's watch some NBA.
Bill Simmons
I was like, oh, Jesus. So. Oh, no, he's an NBA hole.
Cousin Sal
Listen, he is on this site that this is what he claims. He claims it gives you play money that you can turn into real money, but you can't lose real money. So he's gam. Like, it's. I'm like, all right. I'm not going to investigate further. I know what you're doing. I invented this shit. It's fine. Yeah, he has got like six NBA parlays going. He's live betting all these games. He's like, no, wait till this team. No, if Dallas goes down nine, I'm going to hit him now. It's like, my son is like, Raheem Palmer. He came home from college. I got to let him.
Bill Simmons
He's got a burner room.
Cousin Sal
He's got a burner room. And then like in the NBA, you'll go, there'll be a 19 or two run and you'll be either on the good or the bad side of it. It's amazing. So that was. That. That scared me. Yeah. I was proud and I was terrified at the same time. So that's. That's him. Quickly, my middle son. Next Saturday is a great sports day. Now, I thought today it was going to be a great sports day too, but here's what you got, Simmons. I know you don't care. College, Tennessee, Ohio State. I do. All right. The football games are going to be tremendous. Tennessee, Ohio State, Penn State, smu, Texas, Clemson. We talked about Chiefs, Texans, Steelers, Ravens. Usyk versus Fury. Oh, I'm aware. It's a monster day.
Bill Simmons
My guy. Usyk.
Cousin Sal
Yes. I want to just veg out in front of the tv. I want to lose a ton of money. I want to drink non alcoholic eggnog. Whatever I have to do. The problem is my son Jack has a wrestling tournament and he could potentially do well in it because it's a JV tournament and it's all day and it's all the fuck. It's way the fuck somewhere else. And here's the thing. There's 40 kids on the team. Only 13 of them right now don't have ringworm or empetago. Empetago is like a staph infection. You get it from the mat. These schools say they clean the mat. They don't clean the mat. These kids come back sweaty. They don't shower, and they have everybody's dirty sweat closes up in their pockets.
Bill Simmons
It's a disgusting sport. You can play.
Cousin Sal
It is gross. He's one of. He's going to wrestling practice. He weighs 126. There's so few kids now. He's rolling with like a 155 pounder. I'm like, what's going on here?
Bill Simmons
It's like.
Cousin Sal
So I was like, listen, I told. I was like, I don't ask for much, but I need Saturday, yo. Please, please do what you can to get empetago. Please don't tell your mother.
Bill Simmons
Can you lick the mat?
Cousin Sal
Yes. Lick, go all the roll, stay extra stay afterwards, whatever you have to do. He's looking at me like. I'm like, I'm serious. Get ringworm. Do what you can. So I will keep you posted, but I need this boy to get ringworm so I can watch Penn State. SNV.
Bill Simmons
Here's $200. I want you to lick the mat after practice for three minutes after everyone.
Cousin Sal
Else looks at Matt. Give them each 50.
Bill Simmons
What a sports day that is. You're. You're Usyk. I'm telling you now, I'm putting him in seven parlays with NFL teams. Every team I like. I'm just putting Usyk in.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. I just wish we knew how these guys trained. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Him and Pereira are the two most reliable combat guys on the planet. I'm just going to keep doing it until one of them loses.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, maybe Fury has a good undercard, too.
Bill Simmons
There's a couple good.
Cousin Sal
Is there on this?
Bill Simmons
I thought there was at least one good fight before it. My guy Bacoli is not fighting until January, though.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. What happened there? He's not even on that great card.
Bill Simmons
I know. Yeah, I know. Anyway, um, so my daughter's come back from college actually late tonight, and my wife was. Was ordering all this food to pick up because we need. My son's a weird eater. My daughter's the weirdest eater ever. She wanted to get food and she's like, you know, the maggots coming home and we realized that we have nickname. We have nicknames for everyone in my family that happen organically based on eating habits. So we call Zoe the Maggot because she's that one that's like. With the slice of pizza, you just look down and there's just, like the cheese is gone. Or like there's a piece of sourdough toast and just all the stuff around the crust is just gone. You're like, oh, the maggot must have gotten it. My wife has always been the rat. Because it'll be like slice of pizza or a bagel on the counter and just like a very small, almost imperceptible part of it is missing. And you're like, I thought that was like a bigger pizza slice. And she's just carefully cut like one eighth of it off. So we always call her the rat. Like she rats it up.
Cousin Sal
It's good.
Bill Simmons
And then my son is the raccoon because he like never eats. And then he goes downstairs, everyone's asleep at like 11:30 and just starts, you know, all of a sudden all this food's gone. You're like, oh my God, the fucking raccoon got in the kitchen again. So then I was like, so what's my nickname then? She's like, you're just like a bear. You just eat a lot and then you sleep. And I was like, I feel like that's insulting. I'm just the bear.
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Bill Simmons
And I'm like, it's not like I'm like a. But I guess that's how. Because I have like big, you know, I don't eat a lot and then I'll have a big dinner. So she said, I'm the bear.
Cousin Sal
You're the bear?
Bill Simmons
I guess I'm the bear.
Cousin Sal
Tell you want a second opinion?
Bill Simmons
Yeah, I want to say, I feel like. Can it be like a panda or.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I don't know, specific bear or something.
Bill Simmons
What's an animal that just kind of basically that snacks during the day once or twice and then has like a big dinner? That's whatever animal I am. I don't know who that is.
Cousin Sal
And is the clogger taken?
Bill Simmons
You can't tell you.
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
Bill Simmons
So our fridge is like, you know, my daughter comes home and there's like four different coffee made creamers. Cause she likes to make these homemade lattes that she drinks two sips of. So all of a sudden the fridge has like this thing. My son has all the weird food he eats and it's just like a free for all. So anyway, it's good to be back. The Simmons family is back. Everyone's home.
Cousin Sal
Six refrigerators for different animals.
Bill Simmons
Stuff's crammed in. There's coffee made on top of like, you know, my son's kelp noodles. I don't know what's going on here.
Cousin Sal
So we're going to get impetago drinking all those coffee mates, that's for sure.
Bill Simmons
Did you see It's Very Possible. Did you see evil Jason Bateman and Carry on yet?
Cousin Sal
No, I haven't seen it. I heard we're on a text chain when you were discussing it.
Bill Simmons
He's so evil.
Cousin Sal
Evil.
Bill Simmons
He goes evil.
Cousin Sal
He should get off the poster. Well, he was evil in Ozark, right?
Bill Simmons
I said he wasn't on the poster. I didn't know he was in the movie. Oh. I started watching it. It was like, there's Jason Bateman. It's like you told me Jason Bateman was in this. That feels like it's a big deal.
Cousin Sal
It's definitely him, huh?
Bill Simmons
Maybe he didn't like it. Maybe he didn't want to know.
Cousin Sal
I'm gonna have to check it out. I got a bunch of my queue. I end up watching dumb shit like the New York Stack Exchange, the Mark Gastineau. I listened to him carry on for an hour and a half.
Bill Simmons
But anyway, did you watch that documentary? Because I didn't watch it.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I'm like 40 minutes in. I just. I can't get enough of that nonsense.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, I don't. Can't say when I was there for 30. For 30 that the jet Sack Exchange was on any of the master list. For ideas, just leave it at that. All right. So what do you got to pug? Anything.
Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah. Threw the ringer with Tate on Wednesday, by the way, the kid's breaking news left and right on that show on December 4th. He can only say so much. He was instrumental in getting this thing going, what with Lombardi, and I thought.
Bill Simmons
He was going to be there as, like, the athletic director.
Cousin Sal
I think they offer you. But you should be careful. I think they offer him some kind of ambassadorship or something, like, to help with the culture or something. But it's good for him, though. I mean, this is good. This worked out great for you, right? Like, because he retires a Patriot, he's not going to go three years with UNC and then end up with Seattle. Right. So that's it. He's a patriot. It worked out.
Bill Simmons
It's way better than that because with him and Lombardi as a combo and I don't have a college football team. So now, like, I actually have a college football team I will genuinely care about.
Cousin Sal
Awesome.
Bill Simmons
I'll bet on their over. I'll put bets in so I care even more. I'm going to be all in. I'll wear.
Cousin Sal
They're going to be good.
Bill Simmons
I was looking at hats on fanatics. I couldn't find the right hat. I got to find the right hat because it feels like it's got to be like the light blue with just the logo. But I couldn't find one that I liked.
Cousin Sal
It's got to say the bear and then unc bear. We got to see it. I went an hour and 20 minutes and then mentioned the ring of pregame show. I'm 13 and 2 with my wisest wager. Good. Good job by me. I had the Ravens come on.
Bill Simmons
Yeah, we'd been going for 80 minutes and you didn't bring this up. So you had the Ravens just straight, straight up.
Cousin Sal
You wanted to put them in a teaser. You're like, will it get to 14? Can I tease? Like, just take 16 and a half? It's fine. It's good. They.
Bill Simmons
I get so worried with those games where you cannot come up with a single incentive for the heavily favored team even care in the game.
Cousin Sal
Oh, I see.
Bill Simmons
That's when I get worried. Awful. I just like, just sitting them in the locker room before the game. Like, fuck, we gotta fucking play the Giants.
Cousin Sal
The Giants want this first pick so bad. They want. They want it so bad. So that's it. Cousin Sal's winning weekend on Friday. And against the odds, twice a week. We're 12 and four with our NBA picks. Only place you need to go on ringer if you want to make money betting hoops. There you go.
Bill Simmons
You know, if the Giants got Sanders, that would be super fun.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think they want to go.
Bill Simmons
To Vegas or the Giants. I just think is just for us, for people who want content.
Cousin Sal
Right.
Bill Simmons
Just watching Mara.
Cousin Sal
Just watching Mara and reading about him. I don't know if he wants to.
Bill Simmons
Put up with the whole Sanders family.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I don't think so. I think. I think that's a cam war team, to be honest.
Bill Simmons
Do you. Where would you play Hunter, Receiver or cornerback?
Cousin Sal
I think it's fun. If the Patriots get him, why do you have to only give them two options? They could do anything. Make them a running back.
Bill Simmons
Do you know, is it what makes him special? That in college he can do both sides but in the pros that's completely unrealistic.
Cousin Sal
That's going to be. That's going to be the issue. Right. But I don't know. Deion himself played wide receiver and, you know, D back, so maybe it could happen.
Bill Simmons
It would seem like the move would be to play him at cornerback and then bring him in for like third down and eight space Gadget plays like special gadget plays and almost using him like the old Percy Harvin. Kind of model.
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think he's fine. You should watch it. Did you watch his acceptance speech? I think you'll get on his case. It's four and a half minutes. Just do it. It's better than Jason Bateman. Yeah, it's good.
Bill Simmons
Better than Jason Bateman.
Cousin Sal
I can't compare it. I didn't see it. Yeah.
Bill Simmons
Cuz, good job by you. Great to see you as always. Thanks to Kyle Creighton. Thanks to Steve Cerruti. And then we didn't have Gahau today, but Richter, John Richter, John Richter got rewatchables coming. On Monday night we did the Gambler, ironically with Mark Wahlberg.
Cousin Sal
Oh, you son of a bitch. That's a good one.
Bill Simmons
And then we'll be back next week. Sal, good job by you. See?
Cousin Sal
Good job by you, buddy.
Bill Simmons
Thanks everybody.
Cousin Sal
I don't have you with him on.
Bill Simmons
The wayside on the front.
The Bill Simmons Podcast Summary
Episode Title: A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Release Date: December 16, 2024
Host: Bill Simmons
Guests: Cousin Sal
In this engaging episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast, host Bill Simmons teams up with his longtime collaborator Cousin Sal to dive deep into the latest NFL happenings. Skipping over the introductory segments and advertisements, the duo quickly immerses listeners in a candid discussion about recent games, quarterback performances, and playoff predictions.
Discussion Overview:
Bill and Sal kick off the episode by critiquing the recent performances of several quarterbacks, highlighting a trend of underwhelming play that they attribute to a flawed draft.
Key Points:
Tua Tagovailoa's Struggles:
Sal singles out Tua Tagovailoa as the worst quarterback of the week, criticizing his body language and injury proneness.
Sal: “There are three things he does that are horrible... he's the worst.” ([05:37])
Mac Jones and Other QBs:
The conversation extends to Mac Jones and others like Jeff Godfrey and Cooper Rush, with Bill expressing disappointment in their inability to perform consistently.
Bill: “Mac Jones is not a starting QB.” ([09:30])
Will Levis and Spencer Rattler:
Sal discusses Will Levis’s poor performance and criticizes the decision to include him in his lineup. He also touches on Spencer Rattler’s inconsistent play.
Sal: “Will Levis... he's disgusting. He's number two for me.” ([12:23])
Notable Quote: Bill Simmons: “He's like serving pizza day after day after day in these games. I just think he's a 500 or worse quarterback.” ([06:28])
Discussion Overview:
A significant portion of the episode celebrates Josh Allen's remarkable performance this season, dubbing him the "Multi-view MVP."
Key Points:
Outstanding Play:
Both hosts laud Josh Allen for his explosive plays and leadership, noting his ability to consistently put up impressive statistics.
Bill: “Josh Allen, it's like watching a senior in high school playing like the freshman team.” ([16:32])
Comparison to Past MVPs:
Bill draws parallels between Allen and legendary MVP quarterbacks, discussing the uniqueness of his season.
Bill: “Lamar almost had to be on a multi view screen because he's so exciting.” ([38:14])
Impact on the Playoffs:
They debate Allen's chances in the upcoming playoffs, acknowledging his potential to lead the Bills deep into the postseason.
Sal: “Josh having the best year ever... wins.” ([36:50])
Notable Quote: Bill Simmons: “It feels like right. He’s the most exciting guy in the league down.” ([36:50])
Discussion Overview:
Bill and Sal analyze the Philadelphia Eagles' dominance in the NFC, referring to them as "the NFC Shot Caller" due to their strategic plays and consistent performance.
Key Points:
Defensive and Offensive Balance:
They highlight Philly’s ability to maintain a strong defense while also mounting effective offensive drives.
Bill: “They didn’t squander any opportunities.” ([43:21])
Key Games and Plays:
The hosts discuss pivotal moments in recent Eagles games, including critical touchdowns and defensive stands that have solidified their position.
Sal: “A.J. Brown figured it out...” ([42:27])
Playoff Implications:
They consider the Eagles' potential in the playoffs, viewing them as a formidable contender poised to influence the NFC landscape significantly.
Bill: “Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller.” ([Title of the Episode])
Notable Quote: Sal: “They have trouble there too.” ([42:27])
Discussion Overview:
In a lively segment titled "Guess the Lines," Bill and Sal engage in predicting game spreads and outcomes, adding a competitive edge to their conversation.
Key Points:
Bet Predictions:
They share their predictions on various games, discussing the merits and potential outcomes based on team performances.
Bill: “Chargers by three.” ([63:30])
Split Decisions:
The duo often finds themselves at odds with each other’s predictions, showcasing their differing analytical approaches.
Sal: “I made the line. Chargers by three.” ([63:30])
Playoff Matchups:
They explore possible playoff scenarios, evaluating which teams might secure top seeds based on current performances.
Bill: “Buffalo's a tough out.” ([31:44])
Notable Quote: Bill Simmons: “It's like a 500 or worse quarterback.” ([06:28])
Discussion Overview:
Cousin Sal shifts the conversation to a more personal note, sharing anecdotes about his children and family life.
Key Points:
Children's Activities:
Sal discusses his oldest child returning home from college and his middle son's involvement in wrestling tournaments, humorously highlighting their unique personalities and behaviors.
Sal: “We call Zoe the Maggot...” ([79:38])
Challenges with Kids:
He humorously describes the difficulties of managing his children's eating habits and the occasional athletic mishaps, such as dealing with ringworm or empetago.
Sal: “I need this boy to get ringworm so I can watch Penn State.” ([82:32])
Notable Quote: Sal: “He's like Raheem Palmer. He came home from college.” ([80:27])
Discussion Overview:
Wrapping up the episode, Bill and Sal offer final thoughts on the NFL season's trajectory, emphasizing key teams to watch and potential playoff outcomes.
Key Points:
Playoff Eyes:
They outline their predictions for the playoff matchups, focusing on teams like the Buffalo Bills, Baltimore Ravens, and Philadelphia Eagles as standout contenders.
Bill: “Buffalo home for the Chargers.” ([55:38])
Reflection on Team Performances:
The hosts reflect on the performance trends of various teams, expressing concerns over inconsistencies and strategic missteps that could impact playoff success.
Sal: “The Rams have Jets on the road, Arizona and Seattle at home.” ([73:36])
Final Thoughts:
Both agree on the unpredictable nature of the season's final stretch, acknowledging the potential for unexpected upsets and thrilling playoff battles.
Bill: “We didn't talk about that game enough because Denver was super lucky.” ([55:52])
Notable Quote: Bill Simmons: “This has all the makings of an everybody loses on the Rams bet.” ([73:47])
As the episode draws to a close, Bill and Sal exchange friendly banter, celebrating their respective wins in the "Guess the Lines" segment and sharing light-hearted family stories. Their camaraderie and genuine enthusiasm provide a satisfying end to a content-rich discussion, leaving listeners informed and entertained.
Notable Quote: Sal: “Cousin Sal's winning weekend on Friday.” ([88:16])
Key Takeaways:
Quotes with Timestamps:
This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, providing a clear and structured overview of the key discussions and insights shared by Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal. Whether you're reliving the episode or exploring its content for the first time, this summary offers a detailed glimpse into the vibrant conversations that make The Bill Simmons Podcast a standout in sports media.