A D.C. Hail Mary, the Coma Jets, Jameis Hero Ball, Freddie’s Slam, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast Summary: "A D.C. Hail Mary, the Coma Jets, Jameis Hero Ball, Freddie’s Slam, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal"

Host: Bill Simmons (The Ringer)
Guest: Cousin Sal
Episode Focus: NFL Analysis, Team Performances, Memorable Plays, Betting Insights, and Parenting Stories

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1. National Tight Ends Day & NFL Team Performances [03:14 - 05:56]

The episode kicks off with Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal acknowledging National Tight Ends Day, leading into a broader discussion about underperforming NFL teams midway through the season.

Bill Simmons:
"You know, I didn't even know until they tell me that it's National Tight Ends Day." [03:14]

They evaluate teams holding a sub-.500 record at the eight-week mark, including the Cowboys, Bengals, Rams, Jets, Browns, Colts, and Jaguars. The conversation highlights the unusual nature of the current NFL season.

Cousin Sal:
"My team, I really thought we were going to have 11 wins this year. And now there's a path that leads into the ocean right now." [04:48]

2. Washington Football Team's Turnaround [14:19 - 15:31]

Bill and Sal delve into the Washington Football Team's surprising resurgence, attributing it to roster changes and a revitalized fan base following the departure of controversial owner Dan Snyder.

Bill Simmons:
"This was an unbelievable Washington football moment... it was the number one reason being we don't have Dan Snyder anymore." [14:19]

They commend the team's defense and quarterback performance, noting it as one of the most uplifting stories of the season.

3. Hail Mary Passes Highlights [07:38 - 10:32]

A segment dedicated to memorable Hail Mary passes features discussions on iconic plays, including Bill’s favorite from Doug Flutie's era and the recent surprising attempts by current quarterbacks.

Cousin Sal:
"I can't do it. Not Pierce and Staubach and Staubach." [09:43]

They critique the execution and strategic planning behind these last-ditch efforts, emphasizing the rarity and spectacle of such plays.

4. Browns vs. Ravens Game Analysis [16:02 - 20:24]

The Browns' recent victory over the Ravens is broken down, focusing on Jameis Winston's performance despite the team's defensive vulnerabilities.

Cousin Sal:
"He throws for 334, three TDs, has a game-winning drive..." [16:02]

They discuss the implications for both teams moving forward, particularly the Ravens' struggling defense.

5. Jets' Season Review: Are They Done? [23:46 - 35:08]

A critical examination of the New York Jets' disappointing 2-6 record raises questions about the team's future prospects and organizational decisions.

Bill Simmons:
"Unless you think 9 and 8 can make it in the AFC, which is possible. But even that... I think they're done." [23:46]

Cousin Sal echoes skepticism about the Jets' ability to turn the season around, citing coaching issues and inconsistent performances.

Cousin Sal:
"They didn't figure out the halfway point... They just do not look like a well-coached, crisp team at all." [27:49]

6. Betting Insights & Cross-Off Teams [35:03 - 47:43]

Bill and Sal share their betting strategies, including the concept of "crossing off" teams unlikely to make the playoffs. They discuss various teams' prospects and how recent performances influence their betting choices.

Bill Simmons:
"So, we're keeping Cleveland... but we got to talk Baltimore." [20:34]

They analyze key games, player performances, and upcoming matchups that could further impact their predictions.

7. Parent Corner: Dealing with Young Kids' Social Situations [94:13 - 98:57]

In the heartfelt Parent Corner segment, Bill and Sal discuss parenting challenges, focusing on a situation where Sal's 10-year-old son finds a note supposedly from a girl, humorously misattributed to Aaron Hernandez.

Cousin Sal:
"He ended up tearing it up even though he's... I don't know what happened with her." [96:58]

They explore effective parenting techniques, the balance between humor and seriousness, and the importance of open communication with children.

8. Rewatchables & Sports Documentaries [80:37 - 86:43]

Bill reviews the Aaron Hernandez documentary series, comparing it to other true-crime sports documentaries. He praises the show's ability to maintain interest despite the heavy subject matter.

Bill Simmons:
"I kind of liked it. It was no better or worse than all the other stuff I watched." [81:26]

They discuss the portrayal of athletes and the fine line between entertainment and respecting real-life tragedies.

9. Final Game Predictions & Betting Wrap-Up [74:37 - End]

The podcast concludes with final thoughts on upcoming games, last-minute bets, and reflections on the week's outcomes. Bill and Sal share their excitement and frustrations with various team performances, emphasizing the unpredictability of the NFL season.

Cousin Sal:
"I said two and it's three and a half. I don't know why I said two. That's dumb." [76:32]

They wrap up with a lighthearted discussion about personal experiences attending games and the challenges of navigating complex betting lines.

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Notable Quotes

• Bill Simmons:
  "Throwing it backwards is probably the dumbest thing any team's done this decade." [13:23]

• Cousin Sal:
  "You're pushing your son further away from the whole thing if I'm making fun of him." [95:27]

• Bill Simmons:
  "It's like you have to throw the ball in two seconds or less." [41:07]

Conclusion

In this episode, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal provide an in-depth analysis of the NFL's mid-season landscape, highlighting standout performances, disappointing team struggles, and memorable plays like Hail Mary passes. They intertwine their discussions with personal anecdotes and parenting insights, offering listeners a comprehensive and engaging look at both the sports world and life off the field.

Whether you're an avid NFL fan or someone looking to catch up on the latest sports developments, this episode delivers thoughtful commentary, strategic betting advice, and relatable personal stories that make it accessible and enjoyable for all listeners.

Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

Coming up, we're going to talk Hail Marys, the Jets in a coma, Jamis Hirobal, and a lot more. Plus guest of Lines with Cousin Sal next this episode of the Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by Ray Ban Meta Smart Glasses built with Meta AI Ray Ban Meta Smart glasses react to what you see so you can learn more about the world around you. You can also take hands free photos, videos, send messages, make video calls, even play music and podcasts straight from your glasses with Ray Ban Meta. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. State Farm helps you score an affordable price when you choose to bundle home and auto insurance with the personal price plan. Bundling home and auto, that's a pro move. Just another way you can save on your insurance needs. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor State Farm, there prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network where we launched the McShay show with Todd McShay and Saturday Night after college football he put up a brand new episode. Ricilla was a special guest actually, but he played right off that college football schedule. It's on video. So if you love college football, be ready over the weekends for McShay and he's doing that twice a week. Really good podcast. Please subscribe. Follow it on the Ringer YouTube channels as well. That's where you can also follow on Ringer movies the Rewatchables because we have a brand new episode as the last episode of Scary Month. Listen, this one's for me. We had to do Myers. We've only done one Michael Myers movie, so we're doing Halloween 4, which was a movie that came out, was received tepidly, and then has gained a little bit of a cult status over the years, especially in the Simmons house. But we're gonna be doing Halloween 4. Be ready for it. It's one of the unintentionally funnier horror movies in a long time and I can't wait to talk about it. So there you go for this podcast. Cousin Sal is coming up. We have a lot of NFL stuff to discuss. We're going to also talk about Yankees, Dodgers and we're going to do Parent Corner and obviously guess the lines. It's all next. By the way, we did this live on YouTube, which we do every Sunday night, so you should subscribe to us on YouTube. Bill Simmons channel. And you can just watch us do the podcast if you want. Some people like it. Some people like seeing the faces. Well, you're listening, so you're not seeing our faces, but you will be hearing the dulcet sounds of Pearl Jib. All right. It's the Bill Simmons podcast live on YouTube. Happy National Tight Ends Day, Sal.

[Cousin Sal]

You know, I didn't even know until they tell me that it's National Tight Ends Day.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, we just got to take it. You got to pay tribute to all these tight ends across America. High school, college, pro. Yeah, it's actually literally National Tight Ends Day today.

[Cousin Sal]

You hate the national days. This was one of your rants a few weeks ago on parenting.

[Bill Simmons]

I do.

[Cousin Sal]

This has to be the worst one of all.

[Bill Simmons]

It is the worst. You know, that it brings up. What do we do with Aaron Hernandez? Do we thank him? Do we wish his family a national tight end stay? I don't know. I'm going to start here, Sal. Teams under.500 through eight weeks.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, good. Maybe you'll forget about the Cowboys that just lost. Yeah. Okay, go. Keep going.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. The Cowboys under 500. Oh, the Bengals, the LA Rams, the Jets, the Browns, the Colts and the Jaguars, all under.500. We are at eight weeks, which is almost a halfway point. I don't. We can't figure out the halfway point because it's 17 week season, but just a super weird season in a lot of different ways. But what's out of those teams? Dallas, Cincinnati Rams, Jets, Browns, Colts, jags, most surprising under 500 team.

[Cousin Sal]

I think I had like six out of seven make the playoffs. I have to. I have to pick one. Yeah. My team, I have to say. My team. I really thought we were going to have 11 wins this year. And now there's a path that leads into the ocean right now. I don't. And I was going to come on and be like, I don't care we lost. Whatever. I was going to do that pouty seven year old thing.

[Bill Simmons]

They sucked you in.

[Cousin Sal]

They sucked you in with the comeback. They sucked us in. They sucked me right back in. And I don't know what's going on with. I don't know our identity at all. I could not tell you. I don't think we could run the ball very good. But you told me before the year.

[Bill Simmons]

Running backs didn't matter.

[Cousin Sal]

I might have been wrong about that. Is that a bit. I might have misspoke. Yeah, let's chalk that up to a bit. I was trying to be funny.

[Bill Simmons]

Who's Dalvin Cook this week? Who's next week is Ladanian Tomlinson. Is he still retired?

[Cousin Sal]

I'd kill Christian Okoye. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Who else? Anybody from the past. Priest Holmes.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah. Sean Alexander would be good.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Sean Alexander would be fun.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were trying to figure out if Zeke plays for any other team, like if he would have been able to forget about start, like, would he be a backup. But it's just a disaster. And I think Collinsworth hit it. We like to make fun of him, but, you know, Dak is not a threat to run. And when he's not a threat to run, you know, you could play him like any other quarterback.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

It's not. It's not just, you know, isolated to him. There's a lot of the quarterbacks like that once, you know, you could take that part of the game out of there. You could kind of stifle them, but damn it.

[Bill Simmons]

So you think that's the problem, that Dax not a threat to run. That's our instead.

[Cousin Sal]

Definitely one of them. He would take off three or four times. You know, we should have been at this one exactly opposite what I thought. I thought we were going to come out guns a blazing after the buy because McCarthy actually has a good record after the buy. I thought we'd be ready, though. We'd be pissed off. They have to show that Joe Montana thing at the start of every Cowboys 49ers game now that the players see it. But you know that they should be. You know, they should want to annihilate these guys. And it turned out to be both teams kind of sucked. And then the Niners grinded us out. Then it was just too little too late.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's like one of those teams is around one loser and the other one's not a playoff team.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

That's probably the Niners. The biggest loser of the day was Dwyane Wade, who had the worst statue of all time. Did you see it?

[Cousin Sal]

I did.

[Bill Simmons]

What did you think it looked like? I actually thought it looked like somebody who had emerged from a fire and lived. It was like Jim Carrey's fireman, whatever his fireman Ed sketch. Can you imagine having a statue look that bad of yourself being unveiled? What would you even say? Thanks. There's never been a worse sports statue. I mean, it got rightfully killed today.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't even like Goyam or something. Like, who is it really? Looks like a freaky. Like some kind of a Lord of the Lord of the Rings character. Or some shit.

[Bill Simmons]

It's so funny. How many guesses would you have taken before you knew that was Dwyane Wade? Hey, a famous athlete got a stature today. That would take me 700 guesses.

[Cousin Sal]

I would have guessed Sam Cassell like 500 times first. And then I still would have been wrong.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, so he's the most bummed out today. The second most bummed out is the Bears.

[Cousin Sal]

Who.

[Bill Simmons]

What are we calling this? The Hail Maryland. What is this?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, that's. Yeah, yeah. I was trying to think of a name. I don't know. What's that number 29. Who's now famous for not being in the play until the last second.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, he apologized on Twitter already, which I thought was a good move and is not going to take back the fact that his back was to the play. I've never seen anything like that. Did he think there was like five more minutes in the timeout?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm doing the podcast with my.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm the podcast.

[Cousin Sal]

The first seven minutes. Is that all right? And then you tell me when you're doing. Guess the lines and I'll turn. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the funniest thing was he ran in and it looked like he got a hand on the. He was one of the many guys. I mean, there was five Bears defending probably a yard of the field, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And none of them. We've had all of this. We've million Hail Marys on YouTube. All of this evidence of the most dangerous way this could go is if it gets tipped backwards and they have nobody in the end zone. It was like. It was like the kind of thing that happened when we were kids in, like 1976.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, they would show in the beginning. Or like the Alcoa great finishes. They're like, oh, man, can you believe they did that? It's 2024. It's impossible.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, I think his guy was supposed to be Noah Brown. I don't know. Maybe people are taking it too far. But I think he was supposed to shadow Noah Brown all the way down the field. And then by the time he turns around, it's like, who the hell is Noah Brown? Then he's like, all right, I'll just go to this ball. And then you're right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

The one thing is, I don't know how much teams practice this. Do teams practice this on defense at all?

[Bill Simmons]

At all?

[Cousin Sal]

Like, on offense? I could see. And then I guess there has to be a defense, but it's a second team, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. There should be three people who are just told, stand on the goal line, right? Don't budge. Just stay there. Don't let anyone go behind you. Our friend Kyle Brandt called it Noah's Ark.

[Cousin Sal]

Pretty good.

[Bill Simmons]

You like that because Noah. Noah caught it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know, maybe there's no thing. It was certainly one of the best Hail Marys of all time. I still. What's your favorite Hail Mary? Other than you can't count the Pierce all.

[Cousin Sal]

Not Pierce and Staubach and Staubach. I can't do it.

[Bill Simmons]

What's your favorite? Because my favorite is still Flutie. The fact that he threw it that far. It was still. There hadn't been that many. Yeah, he overthrew basically everyone on the field. It was a famous game. I think it was a Friday. That was probably people like the Cordell Stewart one was a good one.

[Cousin Sal]

I think the foodie was Friday after Thanksgiving. Is that right?

[Bill Simmons]

Was that a. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Is that a thing? And that was his roommate. Was his roommate. So that was kind of cool. I'll tell you what, I didn't think that. I don't know that Jaden Daniels did the best job of getting that ball there. I kept yelling. I'm like, at some point he's got to step up in the pocket, right? You can't just hang out by the 30. I guess he did a good job getting. Creating enough time for all the receivers to get down there. But he was about 3 yards short and it was just nonsense. I mean, I can't kill him because it worked, but it was just tipped back flukishly.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I think he forgot that he had broken ribs or whatever he has. Cause it didn't. I think he can throw it further than that. Yeah, there was a great Billy White Shoes Johnson 1. Oh yeah, it got tipped and he caught it on like the three or four yard line. And then he had to like make a couple guys miss and beat somebody. That was probably my other favorite one. But this one, I mean, when you talk about. Usually this happens with like shitty teams. This was a really important game. It's a potentially devastating loss for the Bears because The Bears are 4 and 3 now, but they're in that gauntlet of a division. It's going to take 10 wins to get the NFC anyway. And then you think about it for Washington, where, you know, they're six and two. They have the Giants left, the Saints, Tennessee. They play your team twice. There's basically like Daniels would really have to get hurt for like two months, I think for them not to be a 10 win team. But the thing that I was shocked by was how good their defense was. Like they, they harassed Chicago for three and a half quarters. Swift finally broke like a 55 yard touchdown and then Caleb got a little momentum but they got a goal line stop on the fumble and it just, it felt like their defense ran out of gas. But I, I continue to be impressed by Washington.

[Cousin Sal]

We needed Chicago to win because we have that first to four bet, right. We have oh the, the exact order FanDuel bet. That's one of our big bets. NFC North. We have Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago, Minnesota. And we kind of would have been right there if they had won.

[Bill Simmons]

We were congratulating each other when there was like 20 seconds left, which a mistake in retrospect.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes. And Washington is in my team's division and yet I thought that's crappy. If Washington doesn't win this game. I feel like the right team won the game ultimately. But I also feel like, and they remember they flexed this game. Little suspicious. You think that's a little suspicious?

[Bill Simmons]

Get a hail Barry and a flex.

[Cousin Sal]

They flex it to late afternoon. It felt like a week 18 game that the winner got the seven seed and nobody.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, like an NBC game. Yeah, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

But nobody wanted the seven seed. It was just that much, you know, Washington was better. They had 140 more yards of offense. They had like six minutes more possession but they couldn't put it away. And then they did.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Cause I was going to ask you better win or worse loss, but I agree with you. I think the right team won the game. Like Washington should have put the game away. I'm not really positively sure why they didn't. And then it ended up working out for them anyway. But I thought they were the better team. And for the Bears like you know, off a loss you let it get away. But it really would have been them stealing that game. It felt like, yeah, that's a terrible.

[Cousin Sal]

Way to end and everything. But you know, you give it to the 609 pound lineman to score from the two yard line. That was bad too. So you could point to a few things.

[Bill Simmons]

They were 2 and 12 on third down. Yeah, but I mean two huge brain farts giving it to the lineman. That was stupid, that exaggerated.

[Cousin Sal]

He might not be that heavy if he's not that heavy.

[Bill Simmons]

Please, your apologies. Yeah, and then the Hail Mary defense, I just don't think there's any excuse to ever give that up. And I know they have to practice that at some point but you know there was that. What was the one where Jacoby Myers threw it backwards. That's probably the dumbest thing any team's done this decade. Right. The Pats lost that game against the Raiders. Against the Raiders, it was a tie game. It was about to go into ot and they're somehow throwing it back.

[Cousin Sal]

But here's the thing, like, they'll let any receiver be in front of them. Right? You're making a wall. Right. So, yeah, if you're going to let everybody be in front of them, you'd be dumb to let anybody behind you. Right. Especially left unattended. And that's exactly what happened. I don't think they practice it. I really don't.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, you're almost better off having all 11 guys in the end zone in like three levels and just doing it that way. We went this long. I didn't mean to save this for later, where the Washington fans were with the Dan Snyder era, really, from, I don't know, since they won the super bowl and it's been pretty rocky and we've talked about a lot in this podcast and Washington fans like Dave Chang, Nathan Hubbard House obviously have talked about it a bunch. This was an unbelievable Washington football moment. I mean, this was like, you know, this has been such a feel good season for them in so many different ways, with the number one reason being we don't have Dan Snyder anymore, this reviled owner. Then they get this quarterback who's amazing, he's hurt, he might not play all week. He plays. We end up with this Hail Mary signature moment. And you think like, this is the kind of shit that happens to teams that might have a special season. I don't, I don't think they're going to win the Super Bowl. But it's the kind of thing that happens when you're like, oh, man, that the Washington's in round two. And I'm not actually surprised because this happened and this happened and this happened, but I would say this is probably the most grateful fan base out of the 32. Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, for sure, yeah. Yeah. Just a turnaround. But our friend David Chang did text us when it happened and he either said, I want to find it. Did he say it was one of the top 10 happiest he's ever been? Happiest time he's ever had?

[Bill Simmons]

He said sports moment. No, he said it was the top 10 greatest moment of his life. Oh, yeah. All right, so 10 greatest moments of his life. He said two kids, so there's three. It's Jada Davis, Sal, Mary and two children. So there's three I don't know. I don't know what the other seminar.

[Cousin Sal]

So I'm locked at the craps table.

[Bill Simmons]

I was going to say there has to be a craps craps run. Has to be one of the, one of the six.

[Cousin Sal]

When Washington broke the Ravens preseason win streak of like 15 games, he was pretty happy then.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know, maybe trying Bianco's Garden pizza, whatever that summer Garden pizza. That's probably number five, right? Oh, Lynn, Sanity is definitely up there. And I know for a fact that Linsanity's gotta be in top 10 for him. He loved that. Anyway, congrats to Chang. Congrats to all the, the Washington fans. And while we're congratulating people and not in the Baby Doll Dixon way, actual congratulations. Congratulations to the Browns fans. They're begging for a new quarterback for two months. And then, you know, Watson gets hurt. Jameis comes in, who you've been calling for Jameis, I think every week since maybe week two. And he comes in, he throws for 334, three TDs, has a game winning drive with 236 left down one and they end up scoring a TD. Has the classic just awful Jameis pass, just an absolute train wreck of a pass that the guy drops as part of the fourth quarter comeback. Kyle Hamilton. And then they, they win it. And now the Browns, who are. We had crossed them off last week and maybe they're not a cross off. I don't know.

[Cousin Sal]

We got to keep them crossed. We said we have to keep them crossed. We agreed. We agreed. But I think you're right. And since you mentioned Baby Doll, I think the fans are happy, but they're also probably like, what the fuck? What? We, we've, we all known that this team is better without DeSean Watson. It's like a guy who comes back, he's like, I quit smoking. I could breathe again. Baby doll, we told you years ago this would happen. Why didn't, why didn't you stop smoking? You know, throughout the Marlboro rides in 2006, it would have been so much better. But it's all about cutting bait. Like just knowing when. And everyone's so stubborn about when it's done.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the owner clearly. When we discussed it many weeks, I was thinking it's like both you and I have been married for a while. It's like when you're arguing with your wife about something, she's like, my neck hurts. I think it's the pillow. You should get a new pillow. And then they don't in, like, three weeks pass. Did you get a new pillow yet? No, no, I'm going to get one. My neck hurts. It's like, you should get a new pillow. And then eight weeks later, they get the new pillow and they're like, oh, my God, this pillow is so much better. My neck doesn't hurt anymore. You're just like, I fucking told you eight weeks ago to get a new pillow.

[Cousin Sal]

Right? That's good.

[Bill Simmons]

That's basically Jameis Winston. It's like, I fucking told you, get a new quarterback.

[Cousin Sal]

But from a financial perspective, let's say you had some interest financially, which the Browns do they really want this to work out because they mortgage their future and everybody's future in the whole town. Whatever. I might. Compared to, like, buying a house. Right. And then the house has ghosts. And you're like, all right, I gotta put up with these ghosts. I don't want to lose money. We made friends with the ghost.

[Bill Simmons]

No, that's a bad example.

[Cousin Sal]

No, you gotta make friends. No. And then you're just terrorized by this ghost for months, you and your family before you're like, all right, forget it. I'll take the 50,000.

[Bill Simmons]

Or you befriend the ghost. So that's the good version of the story, I think. Okay. Yeah, it's fine. Cleveland was 8 for 15 on third down. That's a. I think they had probably 15 first downs in the first five weeks of the season. Yeah, they. All right, that's fine. We can't cross them off, but we got to talk Baltimore. So their defense has allowed 21 passes of 25 plus yards eight weeks into the season. It's their eighth loss in the last two minutes where they had a lead since 2022. And what was interesting about this one was, even with Jameis Winston, I felt like the Browns were going to at least get a field goal and win the game. Didn't you? When they got the ball back up, down one with like two and a half minutes left, I was like, oh, they're going down. Like, I wasn't afraid. I know the Ravens have had some injuries. A couple. Two of their started cornerbacks didn't play today, but I. I just had no doubt. Unless Winston threw a terrible pass, which he did, and they dropped. But I. I would have been surprised if Baltimore stopped him.

[Cousin Sal]

But listen, he threw three bad passes. He didn't throw 15, which is what Watson did all the time. And you're right. And back to the Ravens. What did we say they had given up? 84, fourth quarter points in seven weeks. So now it's 93 in eight weeks. That's. That's too many, Bill. That's way too many.

[Bill Simmons]

Too many.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think it's too many. It might be they may have enough offensive weapons to keep up and win 10 or 11 games like that, but that's going to kill them in January. Absolutely.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, it turns out Jameis Winston is better AT quarterback than DeSean Watson. It's one of our big lessons, cross off teams. So we're keeping Cleveland, I guess, Pats, Carolina, Jacksonville, Tennessee, Miami, and the Jets, Giants, and we're adding New Orleans this week. So Somehow we're at 10 cross off teams in eight weeks, which I think is aggressive, but I don't, I would, I don't think any of those teams make the playoffs.

[Cousin Sal]

No, it's fine. But if we did it the other way, I don't know if we would be able to pick, be able to.

[Bill Simmons]

Come up with 10 teams.

[Cousin Sal]

Right, right. Yeah, I don't think we could, but that's, that's good. Yeah, I think you're right. I mean, the Saints, some of these teams are unbearable to watch.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, we're taking a break for the podcast. Get ready to tackle the NFL action with FanDuel, America's number one sports book. Right now, new customers can bet $5 and they get 150 in bonus bets. They win. Yeah, that's the thing that's happening. The FanDuel sportsbook app gives you everything you need to place live bets on the NFL all in one place. I really like the Steelers money line on Monday night against the Giants. And my advice would be to throw them in a parlay. Throw them in with a basketball bet you like. Throw them in with a bet next weekend in the NFL. Maybe get a little advanced jump on a line you like early, try to get it to even or around there and. And you're off. You can also during the game if you get a hunch, make a live bet. Check out the latest stats on FanDuel's app. Check out live play by play. So much more. It's all there on the same place you place your bets. Visit FanDuel.com BS to join today again. You'll get started with $150 in bonus bets if you win your first $5 bet. That is FanDuel.com BS never waste a hunch. Make every moment more with FanDuel, an official sportsbook partner of the NFL. You must be 21 plus and President in select states or 18 plus and President in D.C. first online real money wager only $5 first deposit required bonus issues as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gamble problem cut 1-800- gambler or visit RG Help this episode is brought to you by the all new reimagined Nissan Kicks. From the bold new exterior to the performance and tech features like intelligent all wheel drive and a Bose Personal plus sound system. Cars where I live, I live in the Los Angeles area and cars are one of the most important things you can have because you're in them a lot. Because you got to drive around all over the place. You know what's fun? To have a nice car for an everyday commute. To have music and the ability to do hands free stuff. And just to feel safe, you can do it. Drive the all new reimagined Nissan Kicks today. Head over to Nissan USA to learn more. Bose Personal plus sound system is an available feature. Bose is a registered trademark in the Bose Corporation. Intelligent all wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. We're talking about the Jets. Are the jets dead? They're two and six. Is this it? We're done. Are we done with the Jets? They would have to go 8 1, 8 1.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Unless you think 9 and 8 can make it in the AFC, which is possible. But even that 7 and 2 Rogers is 7 and 14 in his last 21 start to finish starts, right? I don't see it. I think they're done.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I think they're done too. And I don't know why we're comparing them to. I don't even know why Aaron Rodgers is a factor. You got to take a look at this offense and going into today they had scored two points more than last year's jets with Zach Wilson. So at 2 and 6 we would have crossed Zach Wilson off, right? We would have said that's it. And that's why I loved, love, loved your team today. Plus seven now they almost blew it.

[Bill Simmons]

You had another wisest wager that you're six and two in the, in the rain Sunday pregame. Congratulations.

[Cousin Sal]

Thank you for knowing. But I really did like them. I mean there had to be a little bit of a revenge thing. You have to play with some kind of pride. I think you may have had the bet. Now it all flipped on the drip when Sus Drake May got hurt. They're like, ah, this sucks with Brissette. But it's still the jets, this is still a dysfunctional team. And I know they probably, what they might have been like 5 and 3. If that field goal kicker, Greg the.

[Bill Simmons]

Leg does his job, he's cost them three games. Right, but don't he cost them four points today? The PAT was massive. It completely changed the game. Right? I know I Did you think in a million years he was making the 44 yarder, like in a million years? No, no, there's no way that was going through.

[Cousin Sal]

It's weird though, because guys are nailing 57 yarders to the middle of the net, like, so this. Why is Greg the Leg not good?

[Bill Simmons]

But also weirder that he's still their kicker. I mean, I thought he was going to be done last week, assumed he was going to be the fall guy last week, and he wasn't.

[Cousin Sal]

I think they just look like assholes. If they fire like two components in a week, they have to spread out. You got to spread your fault.

[Bill Simmons]

They don't look like assholes.

[Cousin Sal]

No, no, they're good. They've saved a lot of face.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Brissette came in and he threw up for 132, 16 for 24. It was the best he's played all season. I think they would have won that game with May. I mean, the jets defense was impotent. Did one sack. They weren't doing anything. And, you know, their offense wasn't any great shakes either. But I. This was a disgraceful loss because the Pats aren't good. You know, the Pats were like, somehow kind of pressuring. Rodgers, you got to give it up to Mayo. He took a ton of shit all week from everybody, including me, and he deserved it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And calling the team soft, all that stuff, that team rose to the occasion. They. They in the fourth quarter, really fought for the game. Like, you got to hand it to him. The receivers, they must add seven. I don't know how closely you watched it, but they must have had, I.

[Cousin Sal]

Would say, seven killer, the whole thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, seven killer drops like first series May. Perfect pass down deep. I think Booty dropped it. But the receivers were murdering them and they still won. They were 7 for 15 on third down with a bunch of drops.

[Cousin Sal]

Perfect, like, right? 7 for 15. They'll kill for that, right? The jets were 4 for 10 and, you know, total. I mean, I could read you. I mean, there is a stat that's spectacular and it's funny. The jets scored 20 plus points, committed zero turnovers, and held their opponent to under 250 yards. Offense from 1940 until today teams are 756 and oh, when they hit those three metrics, unbelievable.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I had the. I had the jets and the over and a tease which was 35 and a half. And I didn't think they're. It's fine. I was. It was a. You know, the Pats won, which is. It was fun to beat the jets and make Rogers upset, but I still think it was a good bet. I don't quite understand how the jets didn't win, but when you watched it, they just seemed so poorly coached and so discombobulated. Like first half they were calling timeouts over and over again just with the ball like. Cause they didn't communicate whatever the play was in time. They had delay of games in bad spots and they just, they just do not look like a well coached, crisp team at all. So whatever they thought they were going to accomplish firing solid didn't work.

[Cousin Sal]

It wasn't a good bet though. I hate to say it because you could. Here's the thing, you could go back and if it's in red, if everything's in red, you'll see it's not a good bet. If it's in green, that means you won. Look Christmas element to it.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't, I don't regret the bet. Like even like the Pat score, the jets score, the go ahead got to go all the way down the field. Right. He's got to go 70 yards with less than three minutes left. The guy can't run and he can't throw deep. And he just somehow easily did it. Made plays like the Jets. I don't know what they were doing. So Mike Greenberg, because this is what everyone has to do at ESPN now is just completely overreact and do the hyperbole things and hope they can get cut in a vote into a Internet thing. He did this tweet that ended the jets of 2024 are one of the truly colossal failures in recent sports memory. And it only gets worse from here. The jets over under was nine and a half wins. Yes. Nobody even wanted to pick them to win the AFC East. It was like ah, can we take Buffalo's got 60 plus million in dead calf space. I can't name two of their receivers. They have injuries on the defense. Miami, like anyone who picked the jets, you didn't feel good about it. We did in our over under pod. I don't think this is a truly colossal failure. None of this stuff made sense as they were doing it. Like I didn't understand the Devonte Adams trade two Weeks ago when they made it. What's the problem? Their problem is defense.

[Cousin Sal]

You'd have to say, because you read in the beginning of the podcast, you read seven teams that are under 500. There were a couple of those teams that were over. Under was nine and a half. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I wouldn't say the Cowboys are a colossal. One of the most colossal collapses in sports history right now. Right. Would you? I mean, it's bad. It sucks. They should be better.

[Bill Simmons]

To be a failure is like. If The Lions were 2 and 6, right, then I would be like, holy shit, this team has so much talent. How are. Like, they were almost made the super bowl last year. How are they two and six? Yeah, right.

[Cousin Sal]

Same thing.

[Bill Simmons]

This is the jets is like all of this is conceivable. Anyone who rooted for the jets knew that this was lurking in there. I picked them to win the division. Cause I didn't want to pick Buffalo. I didn't feel awesome about it, but it seemed like conceivable, you know, but somebody like J.J. was like, I'm never taking Salah. Remember, J.J. was like, I'm out in the Jets. I'm shorting them. Salah's a terrible coach. Like, I think a lot of people thought this might happen.

[Cousin Sal]

We knew Salah wasn't effective. We. We didn't know that Aaron Rodgers. We had no idea what form of Aaron Rodgers.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. Was he able to move?

[Cousin Sal]

Yes. Right. Well, we did know Hasan Reddick was going to show up like that. That wasn't looking good. So at what point did you like, did this become so high? I mean, you got to add the New York element to it. A New York over nine and a half is like a 12, basically.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

So that's it.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, you could say it's definitely. There's some organizational failures to it. Like the fact that they didn't get rid of Salah in February. Right. The fact that they thought Devonte Adams was going to be the fix. Like make the offense better when their offensive line is even that good. And Roger seems pretty banged up. But hey, I just think this was probably somewhere between an 8 to a 10 win team and they've underachieved from that. The kicker cost them three games. But I'm not shocked by this.

[Cousin Sal]

No, it's not.

[Bill Simmons]

I know jets fans who are like dreading this season. I think we're fucked. I think Rogers is going to suck. They went through this with Brett Favre in 2010, remember? Was it in 2010, 2009. One of those years.

[Cousin Sal]

I think it's just assumed in New York that if you have a Super bowl winning quarterback on your team, he's definitely, no matter how many decades removed, he's definitely going to have to do the same.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what I realized? I think BRADY and now LeBron too, because I don't know if you saw LeBron on Saturday night, but I was actually home because I went to the Dodgers game, I came home and I watched the second half of the Lakers. LeBron was absolutely incredible. They were down seven to start the fourth quarter and he scored like 16 points in like five minutes. I think he ended up with like 16 points, six assists, five rebounds. He was amazing. He single handedly swung the game. They're 3 and 0, but I think him and Brady have completely ruined our ability to, to properly assess old athletes. Right. It's like Rogers is 40 and torn Achilles like the odds of this going well were probably 50. 50, you know, but just cause Brady and LeBron are so incredible. It seems now conceivable that anybody can just keep going and the history says they can't.

[Cousin Sal]

You're not wrong. And I almost think the 40 plus athletes need to help themselves by announcing, hey, I'm not gonna be a Brady or a LeBron like Joe Flacco. She'd be like, I'm gonna have some nice moments and maybe I could take this team to the playoffs. But don't expect, you know, me tossing the Lombardi in the Tampa Bay Bay, whatever that's called anytime soon.

[Bill Simmons]

Right, right.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they could help themselves.

[Bill Simmons]

Anyway, here's a game you've seen eight weeks of the NFL season, except for the Monday night game. How many QBs would you take before Aaron Rodgers Right now, And this is a really interesting exercise, I'm just going to list guys and you tell me when I stopped.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay?

[Bill Simmons]

Every guy I list, you would take them to every person I list unless you tell me stop. That's somebody who would take over Rogers for this year.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Lamar Mahomes. Burrow. Josh Allen.

[Cousin Sal]

Stop. No, go ahead, keep going.

[Bill Simmons]

Jaden Daniels. CJ Stroud. There's six. Brock Purdy. Justin Herbert. Jalen Hurts. Dak Prescott. Jared Goff. Jordan Love. Now we're at 12. Matthew Stafford. Baker Mayfield. 14.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Kirk Cousins.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

15. All right, now it's going to get fun. Kyler Murray. Trevor Lawrence.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, that's your first. I don't know.

[Cousin Sal]

You might be Caleb Williams. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. Sam Darnold.

[Cousin Sal]

Right there. Same. I mean some of These have been the same, right?

[Bill Simmons]

And Drake May. Yeah, so I had the same. So I had. Cousins was the 15th, Kyler was the 16th and we both would have rather have Kyler and The Rodgers, that's 16. So now he's in the bottom half of starting quarterbacks and it's him, Lawrence, Caleb, Darnold, tua, Drake May, whatever that group is. So he's in, you know, no doubt about it.

[Cousin Sal]

You don't even have to do all that. They have something called stats and QB ratings.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, but I. People still feel like He's a top 10 QB and he's just not. There's no scenario where He's a top 10 QB anymore.

[Cousin Sal]

He's banged up too. Like, I'm not going to make an. Certainly not going to make an injury excuse for him, but he just doesn't look like. I feel like he's constantly thinking, oh, wow, there's nine more weeks and that's if we don't make the playoffs. And then there's more. Right. Doesn't he have that look to him like, I can't. I'm not going to make it to the finish line.

[Bill Simmons]

He looks like a. Yeah, like he's like a marathoner on mile 16, but he's got like a pulled hamstring.

[Cousin Sal]

It's the 5G. It's got to. It's got to be the 5G.

[Bill Simmons]

But yeah, he's done another magical thing. He has gotten our cousin Jimmy back invested in football again.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

He knows what happens on Sunday afternoons. You couldn't have said that since 2005. So congratulations to Aaron. All right, a couple more questions. Did the Falcons win the NFC south today?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. And maybe the NFC east too. I don't know if.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, they beat the four and four Bucks. They've beaten them twice, so the Bucks would have to be a game higher than them. They're five and three. The Falcons, they have the Giants left, New Orleans, Carolina, Las Vegas and Denver. And I don't really. Even if Cousins got hurt, I mean, they took Penix eighth. He's what, 23 years old. He could probably come in and hold the fort. And I just feel like that, like this is a wrap now. Plus Tampa, you felt the Evans Godman thing today. Even though Mayfield was good, he had a lot of completions. He was able to move the ball. They had more total yards. But guess what? Really nice to have those guys.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm mad at us. Meaning me and you, we had a plan. It wasn't even a concept of a plan. It was an actual plan that we wait three weeks and then take the Falcons and it would have been about even odds or something. And even before this week it was minus 210 and now they're minus 370south and they swept Tampa. Who's the only team that's going to compete with them in that division. I don't need to see Derek Carr's comeback. Fine.

[Bill Simmons]

How many touchdown passes for Kirk Cousins last four weeks.

[Cousin Sal]

Does he have 11?

[Bill Simmons]

10.

[Cousin Sal]

Does he have 10? Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Now imagine they have no pass rush and Tampa was able to hang around in this game partly because Atlanta can't do anything. Imagine if they had somehow. Danny, not Danny Shield. KP and I talked about this on Thursday. Imagine if they had taken one more defensive guy at number 8 instead of penix.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Would have helped. Tampa had 432 yards today and they lost. One other thing that happened in this game is Kyle Pitts. Is he alive? Is it official? Is he. Is he did our five year odyssey. Are we at the finish line and we can now put him in a fantasy lineup and feel okay about it.

[Cousin Sal]

The tight ends. I'm glad you brought this up, Bill, because it does happen to be national tight ends. It is.

[Bill Simmons]

Congratulations again.

[Cousin Sal]

But maybe this is something with tight ends where, hmm, trying to think because Kyle Pitts, Mark Andrews probably on a lot of waiver wires. You know, three weeks ago, Goddard.

[Bill Simmons]

Goddard was another Goddard and now like.

[Cousin Sal]

Mark Andrews is a top tight end in the league or right up there. It's very strange with them and I wonder if the, the too deep and everything else is affecting it. But. Yeah, four for 91 yards, two touchdowns. You can't sit them in fantasy now.

[Bill Simmons]

No, no, there's. There's a lot of pretty good tight ends that are all around the same and I don't, you know, there's no rhyme or reason to starting whoever. Here's. Here's another question. I think, I think the Bulls, the Bills have locked up the AFC east even more than anybody. I told you four wins ahead of everyone else in the division right now. Yeah, it was one of your.

[Cousin Sal]

It's awesome. We all have it. We have all the. We have the AFC figured out. We have Chiefs, Ravens, Texans, Bills on a parlay that basically pays even odds, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. That's going to win.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm not shook by any of it. Even the Ravens. I know their defense is bad, but.

[Bill Simmons]

Most up in the Air Division. For you, would you go NFC west or AFC North? AFC north has Baltimore versus Pittsburgh. NFC west has three teams now with four losses, Seahawks, Rams and Niners, and they're all playing each other in the future. And the Niners seem like a guy gets injured every week. Now it's just part of. Part of watching a Niners game. Somebody's going to limp off. But I personally would say NFC west. But what would you say?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I'd say NFC west now, maybe more stupid to look at 49ers minus 130 and say, oh, McCaffrey is going to come back soon. Why aren't we just jumping on this? Another team was 130. That was the Falcons. We let it go, but the Seahawks are last in terms of odds. Like they were right then two weeks ago. And we were like, oh, man, this. They're going to. They're winning by default. But yeah, you can get them at 5 to 1. And then the Cardinals could play with.

[Bill Simmons]

Anybody we had when we did our futures draft, one of the bets I liked was three NFC west playoff teams. And I can't remember. It was like the odds were really good on it and I just thought. I didn't know who it was going to be. And I'm still not totally sure who it's going to be. But something weird is going on with Arizona. They had no business whatsoever beating the Chargers on Monday night. I still don't know how it happened. It was the classic touchdown fumbled through the end zone, where you're like, ah, the other team's winning. Now it's just, it's a lock. And then today it was almost a take the game off the tv. Miami has this game and then the Arizona kind of hung around, hung around. All of a sudden they're stealing the game with Chad Ryland making the winning kick, the dude who literally got the Pat Drake May last year because he was such a bad kicker. So now the cards are somehow 4 and 4 and have gotten their ass kicked a couple of times. I don't really get not bad.

[Cousin Sal]

And you look at that box score, everything's pretty even, right? Like, TUA came out strong, but I think there was a little bit of a nobody believes in us. Nobody believes in our travel plans. They played Monday night and then they have to go cross country, you know, play the Sunday 1pm game. And then they just stuck around, stuck around. I got the running quarterback who moves the ball and they were right there against the Dolphins. Who I don't. Again, that's there. You can't circle any team on their schedule for a win.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I thought. I thought they're playing with two. Was you know, everyone was so worried about him playing this week. It was just like, you have to throw the ball in two seconds or less.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Just make a decision quick. If it's not there, just sail it. Like, don't keep it, don't hold it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

The NFC West. I have no idea who's. What are the odds in that division? We should probably do this.

[Cousin Sal]

So niners are minus 130, cards plus 420, rams plus 490 and Seahawks five to one.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you think's the best bet out of those four?

[Cousin Sal]

I hate to say it, but that team we saw tonight, that was. What was that, like a 5 or a 6 for the 49ers? Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But I'm still subscribing a year from hell for them.

[Cousin Sal]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Can I offer you the Rams?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, that was my preseason pick.

[Bill Simmons]

Just the plus 4. 90. Now they have everybody back. They're at Seattle on week nine. And if, if, if they can win that one, they'd be four and four. But they, they played Miami, they played the Pats, they played New Orleans, they played the Jets. Their last two games are Arizona, Seattle, home. I could see them getting the 10 wins. And the thing I never believed, people are reporting that, like the trade they're gonna. I'd never believed that. I thought that was like a classic. I need something for my report on TV today. I don't know who reported for. I just don't believe it. I don't know why they would have traded me. Got a good contract, you know, like, you don't trade him unless you're like 1 and 8 and your season's over. Their season wasn't over. They had him coming back in Puka. Why would they. Why would they be shopping? It was stupid.

[Cousin Sal]

Their defense isn't great, but their liars really good. I mean, Puka. Puka was supposed to be limited all over the damn place, right? And Kyron Williams just scores every game. He's in the end zone every single game. He's Derek Henry without the 160 yards.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I'm not saying the Rams are going to win the division. I just like those odds the most. The plus 490. I don't. The cards, to me seem like smoke and mirrors. Seattle has really gotten their ass kicked a couple times, which I think is a bad sign for them. It doesn't seem like they can play two good games in a row.

[Cousin Sal]

So Metcalf. The Metcalf injury hurt them, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Last question. Is Anthony Richardson going to still be starting in a month? Can I give you some stats?

[Cousin Sal]

Go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

First half today, 2 for 15, right? For the game, 10 for 32. Threw a pick at the end of the first half, which was one of the five worst passes of the year. And he also has one of the other five, 44.4 completion percentage for the year. So nine passes, five of the nine, every nine he throws are incomplete. And they're not just incomplete. I would say I was with somebody that I was saying. It was like, I probably have made this joke before. But watch. When you watch like you have a little, little boy, like a six year old, and they're trying to piss in a urinal and it's just going everywhere. That's what, that's what his passes look like. He has no idea where they're going. But it also seems like at any time he could throw a 70 yarder and hit somebody in stride, but the next one will be like a bounce one. He just, he's no idea where the ball's going.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, that's the thing. I like looking at the halftime, the 1pm Eastern games. I like looking at the halftime stats for quarterback because there's always a few that are in the 30, 40, 50 yards and he had like 68 yards. I'm like, oh, he's okay. Then I'm like, wait, let me gaze. Let me just move my head to the left and see completion attempts. And he was what you say? Two for 15.

[Bill Simmons]

Two for 15.

[Cousin Sal]

And they're all bad throws. I like them. Nice guy, but. And then he took himself out because he was tired. It is a tiring game.

[Bill Simmons]

It is tough one. I think I personally thought they should have benched him at halftime for Flacco because I thought that was a winnable game. Houston really struggles. I mean, they've been pulling out these games. They lost Diggs today, so now they don't have Diggs or Collins next week. It's basically tank, del or bust. It feels like they can't really protect Stroud and they're kind of hanging around and just kind of outwitting these teams down the stretch. But when you watch them, it feels pretty flimsy. And I like them. I said last week to you, I thought the Texans and the Packers, I wanted to see what they would look like in December when they have everybody back. They feel really gettable week to week now. I really thought Stroud was like under siege and it was against the Colts. It's like the Colts have a good defense.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, the Colts play them tough, though. They, for some reason are always in there with them. But you know. But well if. If all they have to do. I know that's not all they have to do but they're minus 850 to win the division. They're going to take care of business there.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

The.

[Bill Simmons]

And Jordan Love heard his groin. So when we talk about the Detroit game that's a thing that happened in the packers game. So that was another.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean he's won three games and Malik Willis has won three games.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. Jaguars lost again. They lost Christian Kirk.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

T. Higgins decided on Friday to hurt his quad after I did. Million dollar picks. Thanks. Thanks T. And I ended up having to try to hedge the Bengals bet that I already had. Cause I thought they were going to throw on them all game. They got killed by the Eagles.

[Cousin Sal]

I almost want to cross them off. I know we can't but that is.

[Bill Simmons]

Well we do this every year. There's a 3 and 5, 2 and 6, 3 and 6 team that turns it around second half and we won't have next week at the top of the pod. We'll try to figure out who that team is because it happens every year. We know it's going to happen and they're.

[Cousin Sal]

We'll be over the hump the nine games from first home. So yeah it will have to be.

[Bill Simmons]

Somebody that's 2 and 7 or 3 and 6 or 3 and 5. Like one of those records. But the Eagles, sure they look good. They made some plays but I also think if you're playing the Bengals with Chase and that's it. There's also some awful Zach Taylor play calling. I. I can't say he's been awesome this year. Some weird fourth down stuff. The Chiefs beat the Raiders but didn't cover.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

The Lions killed the Titans and then the Broncos beat the Panthers by 14. Covered. Covered the four team 13 pointees that I called in on the ringers Sunday pregame Browns.

[Cousin Sal]

I didn't make fun of it.

[Bill Simmons]

Plus 20 over down to 31 Chiefs and then I've. And then the Broncos covered easily. I didn't sweat it.

[Cousin Sal]

The Chiefs were the closest I guess. Yeah. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And they were by 14 the whole game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So the Panthers are 51 and 140 the last four weeks.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I don't.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know why we didn't put them for. For worst record.

[Cousin Sal]

Your south bet is just looking golden. I was laughing at you. I'm like these teams play each other. They're going to have 20 wins just playing it. You know that whatever just with a few more they can't. They're never going to get to. What is it, 30 and a half is the number.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, 30 and a half. They got 12 in eight weeks. So they'd have to get 19 in the last nine weeks to beat me. Like over two a week. Let's take a break for the podcast. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Now, I know what you're thinking. Peloton doesn't look that tough. Well, let me tell you, Peloton is way more challenging than most people think. Whether you're on the Peloton Tread or diving into their All Access membership, they've got a wealth of running and strength training programs that will really push you to your limits. And these instructors, they're not messing around. We're talking military trained sub three hour marathoners and former college athletes who know how to bring out your inner beast. And with tons of options to choose from, you can gear up for race day with seasoned marathoners leading the charge. Plus custom strength workouts to keep you accountable and crushing those goals. Peloton is all about the details too. Want to up your game as a runner? Well, they're pace targets. Let you tailor your workout so you can truly challenge yourself every step of the way. Find your push, find your power with [e-mail] this episode is brought to you by Simplisafe. It is football season, which means the holidays are coming up and actually Simplisafe is already having a Black Friday sale. So if you're worried about the safety of your home and family, now is the time to get home security. I personally like to use Simplisafe because they can stop intruders before they break into your home. That's kind of the goal I think. They take home security to the next level if they're active guard outdoor protection. It's not an old school system. They only take action when somebody is already in your house. No, that's not Simplisafe. They take action before somebody gets in your house. There's no long term contracts, no cancellation fees. It's around $1 a day and it gives me peace of mind and helps me and my family feel protected. So take advantage of this Black Friday sale this week only. Right now you can take 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. Head to simplisafe.com BSToclaim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Keep your home, your family and your peace of mind protected with Simplisafe. Again go to simplisafe.com BS that is SimpliSafe with two I's. There's no safe like Simplisafe. So we did a futures draft before the season and my number one bet was NFC south under 30 wins, plus 155. You took that. Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago, Minnesota, exact bet, plus 600. And Caleb over 18.5 interceptions with your first two. Is Caleb going to get that?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, where is he? Oh, man. He was really on. He was really on track.

[Bill Simmons]

You might be sweating that one out. Let me see some ones that we hit, though, during this. Mom, stroud and Lawrence. 4k yards was plus 4 or 3. I think that's going to hit unless somebody gets hurt. Houston, AFC south, plus hundred. I had that. It's going to hit. You had Cousins come back Player of the year, plus 430. Is he the favorite now? Who else?

[Cousin Sal]

He's got to be. Well, it was Rogers and Cousins were up there.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, you've got that.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Walker for the NFC west rushing leader. All the Niners guys got hurt.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, he takes them.

[Bill Simmons]

It's him or James Connor. Yeah, he gets.

[Cousin Sal]

Tyler Williams is good, too. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I had Detroit for the one seed, plus 480. That's looking good. This one hurts. Hutchinson Mo sacks 11 to one and he was cruising. He got hurt.

[Cousin Sal]

Well on his way. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You had Tyreek, 13 TDs. Oh, yeah. Plus three, 60. That's not happening. But you had Lamb, most receiving yards in the NFCA east, plus 1:15. I think that will happen, right? Like almost 200 today.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. If neighbor stays hurt. Yeah, it could be all right.

[Bill Simmons]

I lost on Pats being last on this team. I have the Seahawks over eight and a half with the Pats under four and a half, three to one. You had Pat's worst record, Lions best record, 36 to one. That's still in play. No, you need. You need one more Panthers win, probably.

[Cousin Sal]

No, the Panthers. You're so good with that south bet because the Panthers are going to win two more games, so.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

What are you at 14 then? Yeah, you're set.

[Bill Simmons]

You had Atlanta, KC, Jacksonville and Houston, all to make the playoffs, minus 160. That's not going to win. And then we can keep going. But those were. Those were our favorites. One of the ones was NFC east, more wins than the NFC south, minus 175.

[Cousin Sal]

Good.

[Bill Simmons]

And we love that one. So The NFC west, three playoff teams, that was plus 550. You had Daniels, Offensive Rookie of the Year, six to one.

[Cousin Sal]

I know that.

[Bill Simmons]

I know that, that was a great one. But we hit, we hit a lot of these Seahawks playoffs. Plus 168. I think that's in there. Harbaugh, coach of the year, et cetera, et cetera.

[Cousin Sal]

What are we going to do with the money? With all the money, with all the.

[Bill Simmons]

Fake money we didn't actually win? I just, all I want is for us not to look terrible when we do these futures.

[Cousin Sal]

I know, like we have that.

[Bill Simmons]

I have that NBA super boost. OKC 55 plus wins. Cleveland 45 plus, Phoenix 45 plus. I'm feeling great about that. And they boosted that to like + 280, something like that.

[Cousin Sal]

We gotta hit the boost. We gotta treat our people right. They hang on every word we say.

[Bill Simmons]

We're looking out for the people. Hey. Today's guest alliance is brought to you by Workday. Get the whole band together with Workday and pair finance and HR on one platform for an epic performance. With Workday AI at the core, you'll make confident decisions faster than ever and certainly faster than Bryce Young today. And you'll drive flawless business and finance operations with an agile platform that constantly evolves to future proof your organization. Be a Finance and HR Rockstar with Workday. Visit workday.com to learn more. Guess the lines week nine before we do guess the lines, here's the playoff picture. Six win teams. Detroit, Green Bay, Washington, Phillies five and two. Atlanta's five and three. But then Chicago's four and three. Seattle, Tampa, Arizona, San Francisco, all four and four. So the MC is like, we're not going to know what happens for two more months. No AFC, KC 7, 0, Buffalo and Houston 6 and 2. Pittsburgh's 5 and 2. Baltimore's 5 and 3. That's five teams. Then you have the Chargers in Denver. Denver's 5 and 3. The Chargers are 4 and 3. Indies 4 and 4. There's going to be an awful AFC playoff team. Yeah, I think it's official. Yeah, we're going to be like, we might be able to bet against Bo Nicks in a playoff game.

[Cousin Sal]

Denver is. Well, that's kind of how I felt about Chicago and Washington and fans of both cities will be mad, but I was like licking my chops. I felt like, oh man, who was salivating more? Me knowing I could bet one of these teams in the playoffs. Well, the two seed that is actually going to play this team in the playoffs. But yeah, Denver. Denver doesn't seem ready to me just yet. I know they beat up on the Panthers. It gets a little rough for them. Coming up. But they're, they're, they're over under was five and a half. They're at five already.

[Bill Simmons]

Like that could be Buffalo hosting Denver as like ten and a half point favorites, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that'd be a fun one.

[Bill Simmons]

MVP Josh Allen is the favorite on FanDuel at plus 3:20. Lamar is plus 3:50, Mahomes is plus 4:50. Goff is seven to one and Daniels is nine to one. And I don't think anyone else is really in the mix at this point.

[Cousin Sal]

I still like golf here. I'm still going golf. I know they, I mean they scored a billion points and he didn't contribute accordingly. Like a guy would score that many points. But his numbers, what did he do? He has in the last four games, he has 13 incompletions and that they have 23 touchdowns. Like you show that stat to the Panthers coach and he's like what, what league is that? Right? Can I get in that league? That's ridiculous numbers.

[Bill Simmons]

He's like, can I get in any league?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Dave Canalis who fake punted from. Did you see that one today?

[Cousin Sal]

I did, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

The desperation fake punt on a bad team that goes terribly is the announcer never knows what to do, right? That's like, oh boy. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse for the Panthers. It's like one of those. They're just like so bumped out.

[Cousin Sal]

The announcers of the Panthers Broncos games might not know what to do anyway, but just because they're put. Putting that slot. Well, yeah, there was some Antonio Pierce.

[Bill Simmons]

Chris Myers, let's just call it, let's just say who it is.

[Cousin Sal]

It actually wasn't. It was one. It was down. Whatever.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm right here.

[Cousin Sal]

Hey, but yeah, but Pierce not kicking that field goal on fourth. I don't know if you want to talk about real quick but against the Chiefs, I think he could have cut it to four and then I mean they had first and goal at the one. It was like fourth and goal from the three. Like what do you need to see your team's going backwards? Bring the field goal. Now is when you bring the field goal kicker out.

[Bill Simmons]

Pierce's field goal decisions this year have been one of the secret joys of YouTube TV's multi view. It's either Jada Davis's hail Mary or Pierce kicking the field goal to cut it from 8 to 5 last week. That were my two favorite moments of the year. That was the best.

[Cousin Sal]

He's so good.

[Bill Simmons]

It's still a one touchdown game. I have to say, I think Allen at +320, even though he's the favorite, is probably the one I'd bet if I had to bet any of those. Yeah. Because if they're a one or a two seed, he's going to be the reason. Right. There's no other reason.

[Cousin Sal]

He's excellent. And I feel like they have eight pass catchers now. And he finally threw an interception. He had nine games in a row. Yeah. Without a pick.

[Bill Simmons]

Still guess the lines. Week 9. Somehow the jets are playing on Thursday night. I feel like this team has been on national tv. The only bigger nightmare than being a Jets fan is being everyone else selects watching night games on television. Cause we have to fucking watch this team again.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they. They didn't. The schedule makers got, like, bored or something. They put the jets, the Steelers and the Giants and some kind of, like, bingo hopper, and they just kept like, all right, well, just you play Thursday and you play here, and then you'll play each other six times and we'll have you against the Texans on Halloween.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this is in New York, or I guess in New Jersey, which I don't know if that helps the Jets. I think people will be surly. I think alcohol will be served and consumed, and I don't think it's going to be a happy sporting event to go to. The good news for the jets is that the Texans are down to one receiver. Now, from what I saw today, I think they could probably run the ball with the ball on them. But I have the Texans as favorites. I have the Texans favored by one and a half at the New York Jets.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, here's what infuriates me. The Texans are a lot better than the Jets. And I'm not just saying because one team's six and two and the other's two and six. So I also had the Texans favored, but by three, and I thought it was a little light. The jets are favored by one and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, wow.

[Cousin Sal]

The jets are favored by one and a half. What do you need to see out of the jets anymore?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, what you saw today was the team. Yeah, they seemed like they wanted the season end, except for a couple of guys.

[Cousin Sal]

Can they play a capable quarterback and survive? I don't like this line. This makes me want to skip the week because I'm not going to do well the rest of the games if I can't hit this.

[Bill Simmons]

Where do you think this line ends?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, maybe it'll flip. We've seen one and a half slip the other way like two but, oh, no. Texans are favored by one.

[Bill Simmons]

Texas jets are favored by one. Yeah, but.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I'm sorry. It did flip already. I'm sorry. It did flip. The Texans are 1/2. When I wrote it down an hour ago, it was jets one half.

[Bill Simmons]

That's exactly.

[Cousin Sal]

You got it. Exactly. All right. I was just insulted that the jets at one point, Jesus was favored. It's like you got it.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like you're on the jets with the. He did that first.

[Cousin Sal]

You got it. Anyway. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Sunday marquee game is great. Lions at Green Bay. Sadly, we don't know if Jordan Love what his status is going to be. I just picked it like he's going to play because I assume he's going to play the Lions by three. Wow.

[Cousin Sal]

So you think Jordan Love with Jordan Love the Lions. Well, you're going to. I'm. You get it anyway, it's three and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Cousin Sal]

But I thought. I thought Green Bay would be a one point favorite with Jordan love. I'm so off today. So off.

[Bill Simmons]

I have three watchable games and the first one is your team because it's Falcons Cowboys. You kind of need the game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll go this far. I kind of like watching Atlanta.

[Cousin Sal]

You do?

[Bill Simmons]

I think they're a fun hang every week. Yeah. I enjoy watching their team. I like their offense, their defense. They can't rush the passer, so the other offense is always good. Their games are fun to watch. I have the Falcons minus three over the Cowboys. I think you could throw in them. I think you could actually potentially beat them.

[Cousin Sal]

All right. I'm going to get this one. I said Falcons by one and it's one and a half. But it probably will move up to a number you have. Yeah. It depends what version you're getting.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

If Cousins is in sync and, you know, Kyle Pitts is alive and you know, Mooney and all those guys are, you know, clicking on offense. Great. So they're fun to watch. But if it's 1715 and they're trotting coup out to kick a field 54 yard or, you know, that means something or doesn't. I hate that version.

[Bill Simmons]

Bears are the second rewatchable game. They are at Arizona.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

This game will be, I think, interesting and compelling and I have the Bears favored by one.

[Cousin Sal]

Ooh. All right. I get this. I had Arizona by two and it's Arizona by one and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Hmm. Don't agree.

[Cousin Sal]

Don't. A lot of people from Chicago live in Arizona? Like, isn't that the transport? Is it? Yeah. So there's one. Yeah, I think there's a lot like, that's the.

[Bill Simmons]

Like it's a little closer to Illinois to just like zoom down there.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I don't know what the point is, but.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, yeah, if you had the two residents. Hey, you balance it. You got to get out of Arizona in the summer in Chicago. That's the most fun time to be in Chicago, right?

[Cousin Sal]

A lot of Bears fans. That's what I'm saying.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, didn't they used to be. They were the Chicago Cardinals, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Cardinals.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. They moved from Chicago to Arizona right before our time.

[Cousin Sal]

Please, let's.

[Bill Simmons]

Way before. You know, there's something on. Speaking of Chicago, there's something on Instagram of all of Walter Payton's touchdown throws.

[Cousin Sal]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

He was by far the best throw, non QB thrower of anyone who did that. And I was thinking like, I still have him number one for any running back I've ever seen. Walter Payton. And we didn't get to see him that much in New England. I mean it was only like every once in a while, but we'd see the Clips. But I just thought like he was the best at everything. I don't know if there's been anyone like him since.

[Cousin Sal]

He was dazzling. They say Jim Brown for him, but yeah, he could do it all. You know what? And as a quarterback too. Let's go back to your list of who's better than Rodgers.

[Bill Simmons]

Would you take Walter Payton or Rogers?

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Walter Payton or Rodgers?

[Cousin Sal]

Forget 78 right now.

[Bill Simmons]

I would think Walter Payton, he was so good. Who's your number one? Would you say Emmett, just out of loyalty?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, I would, but I mean, what. What are we saying? Because like the best hang. Best to watch was Barry Sanders. There's no doubt.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. But if I'm trying to win games.

[Cousin Sal]

And win this Super Bowl. Emmett, close.

[Bill Simmons]

If I had one game, I would take Emmett.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

If I had a whole season, absolutely Walter Payton. But I thought Emmett for one game with a decent offensive line was getting you 155 yards and he was going to move the chains 11 times.

[Cousin Sal]

We're probably forgetting named like Dickerson and guys like that. But I even put like Terrell Davis pretty high in terms of like.

[Bill Simmons]

So that's the other one for me because it was a short prime. But that those two years where it just seemed like he could run 45 degrees and go six yards a thing. He'd be the other one for me out of the 21st century. Guys. I don't know, a lot of people would have Thomas in here and I just never. He never quite got there for me. As good as. He's better in fantasy than real life. Peterson. I don't know. Last one for the watchable Seahawks. Rams. It's in Seattle and I have the Seahawks by two and a half over the Rams.

[Cousin Sal]

That's exactly what I had. It's one and a half though. It's three three, three three.

[Bill Simmons]

Fairly watchable.

[Cousin Sal]

I have some real losers in here though. Good.

[Bill Simmons]

I did something today because we had the eight early games today by the way. I did the multi view for the big tv. I put Green Bay, Jacksonville on its own TV on the side and then I had the other three games. Browns, Miami and Buffalo. I had them on a three team multi view but I kept clicking. That was the one I was controlling with my finger like on the remote. Kind of kept on the Browns but if it was a commercial we'd zoom back for all three. I watched eight games at the same time. It was really right.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, so did I. And you didn't mention red zone once. You don't need it. Watch games.

[Bill Simmons]

Listen, those are red zones for the kids they're giving us.

[Cousin Sal]

They're putting four in front of us. Why are we grabbing the mashed potatoes? Come on.

[Bill Simmons]

Fairly watchables. Buffalo is home for the Miami Dolphins and I think this goes right into the Vegas zone and it's Bills by five.

[Cousin Sal]

That's what I said. It's six and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Ooh, out of the Vegas zone.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, they beat him 3110 week two, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. They killed them.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

If I'm playing the Dolphins after watching that game, I'm playing everybody tight and I'm making two and try to hold the ball for two seconds because I think he's under direction not to right. Brown's home for the Chargers and you could have argued this should have been a watchable. I have the Browns favored by one and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I got this right. I had Chargers by two. It's charges by two and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

That's stupid. I don't agree with that.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't even like this Chargers team. I don't know I. That did you watch? So you had that game on a multi view.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh no, that was a later game. I watched that game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, that I look at that. I'm like I feel bad for everyone who has to sit in traffic because they went. They bought tickets to Saints Chargers. Disgusting.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm on some threads about, you know there are 10 receivers picked in the first 37 mm Harrison neighbors Udunze. The Pats had the 34th pick in the second round. Brian Thomas went 23rd. Casey traded up for Xavier worthy at 28. You want lad. So five guys I really like, Ricky Pierce, all 31 look good tonight. Leggett on Carolina, he's at least done a couple things. Keon Coleman, I think has been good on Buffalo 33. We had the 34th pick traded back with the Chargers. They took Ladd McConkey 34th. We took Jalen Polk 37th, who I think has the worst stats of any receiver who's had over like 10 targets this season. Somehow the Pats have done it again with second round receivers. I don't know how we do it.

[Cousin Sal]

How many?

[Bill Simmons]

Not crossing them off, but I'm just saying, I was thinking about it as Ladd McConkey was like the star of the Chargers game.

[Cousin Sal]

No doubt. Did you cross him off your fantasy teams? He was on at least two of your fantasy teams. Jalen Polk.

[Bill Simmons]

Not anymore. He was way a long time ago.

[Cousin Sal]

Right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So we traded. We had the 34th pick. We traded back for the 110th pick, traded back three spots and went from 137 to 110. So they moved out 27 spots. To not have Vlad McConkey, who just seems like he gets open and makes big plays and actually catch the word out.

[Cousin Sal]

Used to work out for you all the time.

[Bill Simmons]

Catches the ball and like everyone else in the Patriots, Washington is at the Giants.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

I couldn't go higher than four in this. I've watched him by four.

[Cousin Sal]

You get it? I said two and it's three and a half. I don't know why I said two. That was dumb. It's five. Five. This was. This was 2118. Right. Who won this? Washington won the first time. 2118.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that was the one where they didn't have the backup kicker.

[Cousin Sal]

That's right.

[Bill Simmons]

And then couldn't. They had to go for it when. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Washington didn't score. Touchdown. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Ravens. Broncos. I'm putting the Broncos right away on Moneyline Underdog alert because.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, wow.

[Bill Simmons]

Because. Huh.

[Cousin Sal]

After a Ravens loss.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I'm not betting it. I'm just saying like that. Ravens. Ravens at home, minus seven against Denver. And the reason you have to do the. That's my pick. But the reason I have them on alert is it just seems like when the Ravens play a shitty team, they just decide to play shitty or like a mediocre team. Like they rise to the occasion and gets good teams. And a game like this, they're like, ah, Bo Nicks, he can't throw the ball. And you know, they think they'll just show up. And then, you know, all of a sudden it's 14 to 12 with four minutes left.

[Cousin Sal]

I can see that. I said five and a half, but FanDuel disagrees with both of us. They say this is going to be a shellacking. Eight and a half. They went with. So you win.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, FanDuel. I say this out of love, and it's a compliment because fanduel has been great to us and they're an awesome partner. And I like FanDuel. They rebranded those RSNs.

[Cousin Sal]

They did, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And I was watching the Warriors Clippers game tonight, and it said, like, the FanDuel Sports Network. It was kind of cool. It was actually like, it seemed like pretty smart that they got all those RSNs.

[Cousin Sal]

It's just like automatic boost popped up. Did you see your boosts promoted on that? No.

[Bill Simmons]

That sounds great. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You. Yeah. You're not. You're not getting paid for that. No, no, I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't. I didn't see it. They should. They should, though. Why not?

[Bill Simmons]

I just like FanDuel sports that work so much more than Bally's. Whatever the fuck Bally's was. Yeah. All right, last one for semi watchables. Eagles Jaguars in Philly. Doug doesn't does. Do we lose coach Middleseat tomorrow.

[Cousin Sal]

This week, you mean?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, tomorrow is when they fire coaches.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I see. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Oh, man. I would have pulled the plug three times. By the way, this was flexed out of the night game, Right? That's how much they hate middle seed.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

This is now a late afternoon game. I think this is it for him. This is. He doesn't leave Philly, they give him a cheesesteak and a bus pass and that's that.

[Bill Simmons]

We'll always have him and Nick Foles somehow beating the Patriots in Belichick and Brady will go down 40 years from now. People will just be staring at the box score going, wait, what happened?

[Cousin Sal]

That kills you. That's top three for you. Worst if. I think if you. There's probably too many Yankees shit in there.

[Bill Simmons]

No, the worst ones are the two Giants ones were worse than the Eagles one.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. All right. Yeah. So this doesn't crack the five.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think the first Giants won. They played better than us. Like, I know we were supposed to win, but that team was running on fumes and The Giants played great that game. They. They beat the shit out of us. They deserve to win. The second one was bullshit. I don't know how we didn't win that game. They really like that. That was. That Giant. That second Giants team has to be one of the worst super bowl champs ever. I have no idea how we lost to that game. Gronk was hurt.

[Cousin Sal]

I lost a lot of money. So stupid.

[Bill Simmons]

A lot of you watch that. I actually watched that game two summers ago, and I was just like, how the fuck did we lose this game?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, Eagles.

[Bill Simmons]

Jags. I have Eagles minus six.

[Cousin Sal]

You're closer. I said five and a half. It's seven.

[Bill Simmons]

Can we urge America not to tease the Eagles?

[Cousin Sal]

You won't do Eagles, no. What? What team do?

[Bill Simmons]

Keep the Eagles. Keep the Eagles.

[Cousin Sal]

No, really?

[Bill Simmons]

Don't trust the Eagles.

[Cousin Sal]

You don't think they're back on track?

[Bill Simmons]

Don't trust the Eagles.

[Cousin Sal]

That's true. You did warn us. Because when you said, sirianni's got that swagger, and then it goes the other way, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Don't trust them. This episode is brought to you by Workday. Get the whole band together with Workday and pair finance and HR on one platform for an epic performance. With Workday AI at the core, you'll make confident decisions faster than ever. And you'll drive flawless business and finance operations with an agile platform that constantly evolves. To future proof your organization, be a Finance and HR Rockstar with Workday. Visit workday.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. Seeing a band or your favorite sports team in person is great, but it could be even better with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card. It can help turn every moment into an unforgettable experience. With early access tickets to concerts and sporting events and access to some of the best seats in the house. You'll also earn three times the points on travel and dining purchases. Find your next experience with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Learn [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank NA member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply. Poop Factor 2 Games the Bengals are home for the Raiders. The Raiders are officially unwatchable. And yet I don't know how the Bengals can be favored by more than seven. Seven and a half. So I went seven. I didn't feel good about that.

[Cousin Sal]

You're good. See, this is where you pull away. I said six. I didn't even think they were that strong. Eight and a half is the number.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that's stupid. Jesus, they stink. I Mean that talk about like no pass rush, no pressure or anything. Holy shit. Hertz has to feel like. I don't. He probably didn't even get touched in that game.

[Cousin Sal]

No. And I was push. Pushing from like the three yard line like he didn't even care. We saw Desmond Ritter come in for a play, for one play, and I was like, oh. And then. Oh, where's he going? What? What happened? Not that way. You haven't seen enough of him.

[Bill Simmons]

Did we have a nickname for Desmond Ritter?

[Cousin Sal]

Did we. What do we have? Middle C says no.

[Bill Simmons]

It feels like something you would have come up with. Other poop fact the game. Titans are home for the Patriots. And this is a 1.5 if I've ever seen it. Titans by 1.5 over the past is what I said.

[Cousin Sal]

That's. I tried to think about it and I gave up. And so I went to the go to one and a half. It is three. The Titans are three point favorite.

[Bill Simmons]

They're terrible. Jesus, they're awful. Talk about poor. Like to go from Mike Vrabel to the coaching. I don't know. Mike Br. I don't. Like. I didn't. I were friends. I couldn't believe they fired him. Thought he was a really good coach. They have this team now that just gets like torched on special teams. They just give away games. They gave away that Bears game week one. They did two, three stupid things every week.

[Cousin Sal]

I agree.

[Bill Simmons]

They had Mike Vrabel the stupid.

[Cousin Sal]

You know, I don't know what happened on the ring of pregame show today because, like, these guys laughed at me when I made the Bills my best bet last week against the Titans. And it took them a minute to get rolling. And then this week they're like, all right, which big favorite loses? It's Detroit, right? I'm like, no way.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

They can't get out of there. They're scoring in bunch of games.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like a college game. Well, we're not done with the poop fecta. We have our own category. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I wrote down seven O's. It's the poop fecta. Saints at Panthers. Holy moly. Will I not watch one minute of this game? You couldn't.

[Cousin Sal]

How many iPads you could bring in.

[Bill Simmons]

TVs and I would throw them against the wall over watching this.

[Cousin Sal]

They toss you 10 iPads. The apple store brings them to your house. No. Not playing.

[Bill Simmons]

My goal next week is to not watch a single play from this game unless it's cut into a game. I'm Watching where they're like, let's go to Carolina.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, we already saw it. There was a 47, 10 in the original. Right. Was that week when we were talking.

[Bill Simmons]

About the Saints with the 99 Rams. Now they've lost six straight.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I have a Saints minus three.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay. This floored me. And you get it again. And I think you won the week at this point. Yeah. I said two and a half. It's six and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this is. Raheem said this on the Sunday pregame show today, which is excellent. You should watch it on YouTube TV every week. Cousin Sal's on it. 11:00 on Sundays. YouTube TV. Put in your library on YouTube TV. YouTube TV. Great product. And then it's right there. And Raheem was like his model had them, what, 16 points behind every other team, Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Which is like kind of being borne out week to week to week where they're just getting slaughtered.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So, yeah. Maybe that's why.

[Cousin Sal]

Six and a half, I guess. Cars coming back. Oh, they're just so bad. They're just so bad. They lost 2014 to Denver. Yeah. I guess it makes sense.

[Bill Simmons]

Sunday night, Vikings, Colts in. Minnesota flexed. I don't know how you start Richardson in this game with that. With the way the Vikings and Flores. I don't. I just. You have to start Flacco. But I think they're just kind of pot committed to Richton at this point. I have Vikings by four and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Ooh. I thought with that explanation, you're going to go higher. I went five and a half. It's six and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Hmm.

[Cousin Sal]

Let me count. There's no way, right? 4, 5, 6, 7, 2, 3, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7th, 8, 9, 10. No, fuck that. Yeah. Well, you'll put that in a teaser. I mean, a Vikings coming off a loss on extended rest. You love that.

[Bill Simmons]

If Flacco plays, I'm betting the Colts.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

I think the Colts have been playing pretty well. Their quarterbacks really hurt them, but I think they, their defenses look better. They can run the ball. I like their receivers. I just think their quarterbacks just been bad.

[Cousin Sal]

I think I don't like them because they have a lot of fantasy players who have let me down and it might be because of Anthony Richardson, but Michael Pittman, like there's those. A ton of second tier receivers like Pittman and Flowers and I have all of them that just don't ever produce. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Monday night, somehow the Chiefs are home for another Monday nighter. The league's really thrown them some Bones this season. Yeah, Mike. He playing a Monday night at home and narrow it edges.

[Cousin Sal]

Bring on the Sunday. Mike, come on. I don't want to go to Minnesota. It's freezing.

[Bill Simmons]

Chiefs home for the bucks and I'm going to say Chiefs by seven.

[Cousin Sal]

I said six, nine and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Jesus.

[Cousin Sal]

They're just killing Tampa. They're kill the. Not the Chiefs necessarily. The odd fanduel. Just no respect.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, they put up some lot of yards today.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that's it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, you won another win for me. Yeah. You're up. I need you on codeine. This is a problem. 5, 3, 1. You're up after nine weeks.

[Bill Simmons]

Thanks again to Workday for sponsoring this segment. Be a finance and HR rockstar with Workday. To learn more, visit Workday. Yeah, I knew I was getting super sick on that last Sunday, and then I got killed. I was sick all week.

[Cousin Sal]

You were delirious.

[Bill Simmons]

I was, like, so sick.

[Cousin Sal]

I know. Two weeks ago. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought, like, I was like, am I dying? Like, is this just what happens when we get old? Because I was sick all the way to, like, Friday.

[Cousin Sal]

I do wonder that. Yeah, I was like, is this something I would have been able to shake off at 33? But then I'm like, no, I don't think so.

[Bill Simmons]

The good news is on Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday, one of those days, I couldn't get out of bed. I needed something to watch. And I'd gone through all the Soprano seasons. I finished season seven. So I was like, do I just run it back and start in season one? I was like. And so I put on that Aaron Hernandez show.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And I thought it would be, like, this terrible show that I. It would.

[Cousin Sal]

Like, I'd be.

[Bill Simmons]

I'd be in a haze. I'd be barely paying attention, but I'd kind of enjoy it. It wasn't bad. I kind of liked it.

[Cousin Sal]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I kind of did. And all the stuff that's been cut out on Twitter about, like, Aaron Hernandez trying to run that out and up and. Yeah, they pulled out, like, the funniest stuff, like the Belichick guy who's doing this, like, crazy SNL impersonation and. Belichick.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, all the reveals. The reveals are big, right? Like, when you're the one, it's a big thing.

[Bill Simmons]

When you're watching it, like, hour to hour, it doesn't seem as bad. But I. I gotta be honest. Like, I kind of avoided the Hernandez story. I knew. I knew he had a couple crimes. Yeah. You know.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, you're watching the non suspicious version, though. Watch the. Watch the three documentaries that are out on it.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I didn't watch any of those, so I didn't know a lot of the background. And the show lays it out like kind of how he ends up unraveling. And I don't know, it was pretty compelling. It wasn't great, but it was like. It was no better or worse than all the other stuff I watched, like the Menendez brothers and. And all these. They're all the same show. But the bonus for me was it was a typical kind of stupid brain, you know, brain salad show, but it was my team, so it was like. It was the Patriot uniforms. It's like, oh, my God, that's Alex Guerrero. And then Kraft comes in and it's some actor playing Kraft and Myra Kraft's there. And I don't know, I kind of.

[Cousin Sal]

That's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

I was like almost unconscious, but I kind of enjoyed it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I've been going back and forth between Menendez and Hernandez and you're right, they are kind of the same. Same. But you know, but there's just. So it just. They need consultants, though, when, like they're. They're going to take. When Aaron Hernandez is six feet out of the end zone and they call it a touchdown. Like, come on. If I want that, I'll.

[Bill Simmons]

This is the agency I've wanted to do forever. The sports movie, sports tv, Consult the agency.

[Cousin Sal]

How is that hard?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, they had. They, like a recurring thing is his brother is a aspiring quarterback because he played like at Yukon. And let's just say they didn't use any CGI for the throws. I do feel like the sports scenes now in all these shows and movies are amazing. Cause they can just CGI the crowd. You really feel like you're watching.

[Cousin Sal]

They're much better. I know.

[Bill Simmons]

It kept my interest.

[Cousin Sal]

They're much better. And the Gronk guy is hilarious, too. And he's like good friends with Gronk, which is the guy who plays him.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, is that true?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah. He's been his body double in commercials and everything else. So they're buddies.

[Bill Simmons]

I was thinking they do this based on a true story thing.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And what. That gives you a ton of leeway. Right. So they could kind of sneak two or three things in there that aren't necessarily true. Like, why not just have Hernandez get drunk with Belichick one night and try to make a move on Belichick And Belichick, like, what are the lines of things you can do on a. Based on A true story.

[Cousin Sal]

I think it's. There's been so many of these, and I don't even know. Like, the Freddie Mercury one was nuts. Like, when. When and where he was sick at the time. They really took liberties with Elton John.

[Bill Simmons]

One was supposedly crazy, like, once. Once. It's based on. You can do basically whatever you want.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Like, Dahmer dated Princess Di. Like, it doesn't even matter anymore. And it's really nuts, the way they put it.

[Bill Simmons]

Could he have, like a. Like, kind of a sexting relationship with Roger Goodell? Just throw that in there for no reason? Like, I think, Roger, what are you wearing tonight? I don't know. It just feels like. I wish they would almost get crazier when they do this show.

[Cousin Sal]

No one's really been successful suing on something like that, but. So I wonder if you take it to the extreme.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Like, how far could it go? I guess everything has to be rooted in fact. But, like, when he goes in, there's a scene where he asked Belichick for a trade. Right. And it's just the two of them in the room, so there's no way to actually know what happened. And Belichick's like, we just gave you a new contract. What are you talking about?

[Cousin Sal]

We.

[Bill Simmons]

We can't trade you. But, like, what if that didn't happen? Could Belichick sue? It's like his word against the dead guys, right?

[Cousin Sal]

It's too hard to prove. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know, Aaron, which one's kind of dead guy?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, Belichick's not the dead guy.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Belichick. Belichick was pretty lively last week. Darts left and right.

[Cousin Sal]

I know he was.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. It was just kind of nuts that that guy was on our team. That as. As now, we've been further removed from him. Like, holy shit, this guy was a fucking maniac.

[Cousin Sal]

He played a year as a murderer.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

He played a full year after the murders.

[Bill Simmons]

It didn't take much to set him off, I'll tell you that much. And then he got this house and he had this whole wall of guns, which I said, I know it's based on a true story. Maybe it was three guns. And they decided at 12. But he had, like, a fucking Tony Montano wall of guns in case somebody came after him. The guy, like, he was just absolutely out of his mind. They kind of intimate that there was some CT stuff with him too, which I'm sure is true.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think. I think they took a look at his brain. It wasn't pretty.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. There's two left. So he still has a couple murders left and some jail. So we'll see how that goes. But, yeah, I don't know. We're running out of guys like this to do shows about.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, you're right.

[Bill Simmons]

They're almost going to have to start running back things that they've already done. Like, I know they did Bundy five years ago, but maybe just like, bring him back again.

[Cousin Sal]

Are you saying step it up, athletes. We need more like, atrocities, like, for the current athletes. Come on, Sho. What are you doing here?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I would watch nine episodes of the Shohei interpreter thing.

[Cousin Sal]

I would do that. Sounds great coming out. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So I went to. I went to game two yesterday, and we're. I. Neither of us have done a pod since that Freddy Freeman game, which I think was the most important baseball game probably the last eight years. Is that fair? Since Cubs game seven.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. That's good. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, one of the five most memorable baseball games of this century. I felt like everybody was watching it or knew about it. It was a Friday night, big stars, the biggest two franchises we have, and really, like a crazy memorable game. And then the game yesterday was pretty good, too. And then Ohtani gets hurt in the eighth inning and the crowd, he doesn't get up. And the crowd was like it. That was it. The crowd was dead after that. Sure, it was just like deer in the headlights. But it seems like he's going to play game three. I. I'm like a pig in shit watching how bad it's going for Judge. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know.

[Cousin Sal]

No, I don't think so. I think it's a lot of fun, but I. I'm going to sound like a SAP here, but, you know, for that Game one, the overall ratings were great and the LA ratings were superb, but the New York ratings weren't so. Weren't as high as they expected. And they chalk it up to. Well, when one New York team is out, those fans don't care. So, like, Met fans aren't watching as much of the Dodger Yankees. I can't get enough of it. Like, just growing up and seeing them having played each other in that uniform matchup and everything, I kind of hate them both. I definitely hate the Yankees more. And then the. And the LA backdrop and everything. And, like, it just really. It makes it just. It's beautiful. It's beautiful.

[Bill Simmons]

And the Dodgers have incredible fans. And I been saying this since we moved out here. I think you took me to my first dodger game like 20 plus years ago. Yeah, we double dated. But like the amount of jerseys. Yeah, this was, I was trying to think like what's the best final event game to go to out of the four sports. And I actually think it's the World Series. Cause super bowl, you have a lot of like people who don't care about either team or they're just there. It's corporate basketball and hockey, it's super exciting. But it basically just feels like a bigger version of like the conference finals. Right. It doesn't feel different, feels important, but it's not. Doesn't feel like any like crazy more weight than, I don't know, game seven of the eastern finals.

[Cousin Sal]

Are you still different going as a non fan? Like you're not. I mean I know you're ruining.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm saying whether you're a non fan or a fan, it's just there's, there's a different vibe to it. It really feels like so special. Like they have the different, all the stuff before the game, the banners, they put up, the special hats with the logos that sell out immediately. Like everything about it, it's all good.

[Cousin Sal]

But the intensity and I don't know, you can make a case that there's. For all those sports is intense. But when I went to game two of Mets Dodgers, even though they're. They won by, you know, it was like six, three bases loaded and the fans were going nuts. I'm like, I have nowhere to hide. I want to hide somewhere. I want to be home right now. What am I, why am I doing this to myself? So that is, that's a tough thing to match.

[Bill Simmons]

We had. I wasn't driving yesterday, but we left after the bottom of the 8th because the Dodgers were up three runs. And I think we would have stayed if it was a one run game. I also wasn't in charge. But it's a two and a half hour decision. Yeah, if you stay for the final out, it's just an extra two hours. So you just have to decide. If it was the Red Sox, obviously I wouldn't have left. But I don't know of another team in any sport that has that kind of traffic decision after it's two and a half hours. That's like driving from Boston to Greenwich, Connecticut.

[Cousin Sal]

It's no picnic getting there either, no matter where you live. And, and I think people like in small towns listen to this and like what's wrong with these guys? You know, we have a team in Kansas City and it's fine we're in and out like you don't understand. You know, it's like a nine hour commitment, the game being three hours, you know, like. And four of those hours are definitely going to suck. So you really got to want to go.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we left at 2:45 yesterday for the game started at 5:15.

[Cousin Sal]

That's too late.

[Bill Simmons]

And then the game. No, we got. We. We were able to. I was with somebody that knew some. Some secret roads. There's like that whole secret road universe too. But. But yeah, it's like after the game, if you leave at the same time of everybody pouring out, you're in the parking lot for two hours, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Going one mile an hour stop. One mile an hour stop. Oh, this person wants to get in. Fuck you. I'm further ahead than you.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm gonna.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's just. That's two hours. And I don't know how they haven't figured this out. They make. They have the most. They make the most money out of any baseball franchise. Have they not figured out any version of trying to fix this?

[Cousin Sal]

And here's what's bad about it. You got happy Dodger fans who are immediately put in a shitty mood. Hour two of trying to, you know, not getting offended. Bender weaving in and out of that, you know, whatever, Vin Scully drive. And then you got the angry fans who left because their team lost who are just on 10, you know, who just want to kill anybody Aaron Hernandez remake right there.

[Bill Simmons]

But the funniest part of all of this is it's such a fucking hassle to get there and leave. But then when you go there, it's one of the best stadiums in any professional sport. It's out of control.

[Cousin Sal]

That's so cool. Everybody should go now.

[Bill Simmons]

It's, it's. I think to me, how many must stadiums are there for you? Because I actually thought Dallas was. When we went to Dallas, I thought it was on the list for me. The Cowboy Stadium, Fenway's got to be there. Wrigley.

[Cousin Sal]

Wrigley.

[Bill Simmons]

Dodger Stadium.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. What else? I'll say this.

[Bill Simmons]

Clippers.

[Cousin Sal]

Lambo.

[Bill Simmons]

Lambo.

[Cousin Sal]

Definitely Lambo. Clippers put it in there. Only because it's so different.

[Bill Simmons]

I haven't been there yet. I don't have an answer.

[Cousin Sal]

Everybody loves it. Everyone goes wild.

[Bill Simmons]

People are pretty fired up for the wall.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, the wall is T shirts being thrown by the actual athletes on a screen.

[Bill Simmons]

I've never been to the Montreal Stadium, the hockey stadium, but I. Oh, yeah. I don't know, like how cathedral it feels when you go in there and how Much history you can feel, but that's one I've always wanted to hit.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, you don't. You don't like the college ones, but there's probably four or five we should hit.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, college, there's like another 10, right? Yeah, yeah, I was just going pros.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, College. There's a million of them. How many have you. How many have you actually gone to? Probably not. Not that many colleges. I haven't got to that many either.

[Cousin Sal]

Not too many. Syracuse was fun because it was right by. I mean, it was loud, but not too many. Other than that, Rose bowl and Oregon was great.

[Bill Simmons]

How was your Halloween party?

[Cousin Sal]

It was good. Nephew Kyle and I went. We had the same costume, though.

[Bill Simmons]

What was it?

[Cousin Sal]

Kyle? Who are we? Matt Foley. It was an SNL theme, which I.

[Bill Simmons]

Thought was good because it's double Matt Foley's.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it's the 50 year. I'll send you the picture. And Don Barris's girlfriend was also Matt Foley. But yeah, we did the 50 year. And it was like kind of a good theme because it, you know, it spans a lot of generations and you got a good sense of like, who. Who got to see, you know, like. Oh, this is when you watch. Oh, interesting. You watch these. So, yeah, that was. Yeah. Nephew Kyle and I, we just stood opposite sides of the yard the whole night.

[Bill Simmons]

Was anyone the more cowbell guy or no?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, our friend Will Burke. It was another cow bell guy.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, let's do Parent Corner.

[Cousin Sal]

What do you got? Let's do it. All right, so, I mean, I got so much stuff. Is that a wrestling tournament? 6:15 wrestling tournament Saturday. Yeah, like the real stuff, the high school stuff. But that's whatever. We went and he. He lost and that was that. All right, here's. Here's something. A girl likes my 10 year old Harrison. And we found a note. And he was at this stage where he doesn't want anything to do with girls. Right. He's all sports. He thinks sports is the cool thing. Right. We found a note and it fell out of his backpack and it really did. We didn't go digging. And it said, thanks for everything. I love you. And then the girl's name, I'm not going to say it was like, thanks for everything. I love. What did they say?

[Bill Simmons]

I love you, Aaron Hernandez.

[Cousin Sal]

What is going on? He's getting thanked for.

[Bill Simmons]

Why do you know Aaron Hernandez?

[Cousin Sal]

What's everything? They. They take off to Aspen after school, like, so after we. We had to ask him about it and. And he immediately gets defensive. He's like, I don't even know her. It's not for me. I don't care. Like, three things. I could not both, all three be true. And I was thinking, like, When I was 10 or 11, I had my first girlfriend and my parents did this to me. And you hate it, right? And they're like, oh, yeah, you like her and she likes you. And where are you going to go? Are you going to go after school? You go somewhere. And I'm sure my parents did it to them, but it's not the right thing to do. Right. Because I'm just pushing him further away, right. From the whole thing if I'm making fun of him. So is there any way to make fun of the situation? And so this is.

[Bill Simmons]

My wife and I talk about this a lot. She's like, you make it worse when you make fun of Ben. He gets mad.

[Cousin Sal]

Right, right, right.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like, I didn't know how to. I don't know how to converse if I'm not making fun. Like, what? No, I can't just become another human being.

[Cousin Sal]

Is there anyone else that does that, though? Do you. Do we know. Do we have any friends that play it cool? I'm like, I'm just not. I'm just going to be respectful and not asking, you know? Right.

[Bill Simmons]

They're probably better parents than us.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure.

[Bill Simmons]

Because we're. We're just. We're fueled by sarcasm and ridicule as way of parenting our kids, so they don't want to hear it from us.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. I don't know what it is. So what'd you do with the note? Did you put it on the fridge?

[Cousin Sal]

No, I didn't do anything. No, no, no. He. He ended up tearing it up even though he's. He. He claimed it wasn't for him and it had his name on it and everything. It's so stupid. But I just.

[Bill Simmons]

When Ben had that girlfriend for like six months.

[Cousin Sal]

10. Yeah, 10 or 11. Like fifth grade, 10 days.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like a little, like, Platonic Frisky. Nothing's actually happening. But you take pictures together and then.

[Cousin Sal]

But it all works out. They. They're okay, right? It's not gonna be like, oh, no, my father made fun of me, so I can't. I can't touch a girl until I'm 27. Mike.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll tell you about Harrison, man. He's already a ladies man. He's 10 years old. He hasn't even got the puberty bike.

[Cousin Sal]

Look at his ball sticking out of his shorts isn't all left from right.

[Bill Simmons]

That is one horny ten year old.

[Cousin Sal]

Mike. We don't have control of these kids anyway. Right? You send them to school as a boy. They come back a girl. You know the teachers could do it without your permission. It's crazy what goes on. Happens all the time.

[Bill Simmons]

Boy stuff only gets worse.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

See you. Harrison's a lot like Ben.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's only just Wait.

[Cousin Sal]

But if girls are yucky too. For a minute. Wasn't he?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And then it completely flipped. But okay. But hated questioning. Hated being interrogated in any way. Gets mad all the time. We can never get information from him. Who is that? What happened with her?

[Cousin Sal]

Leave me alone.

[Bill Simmons]

Uh. My parent. My parent Corner. My son really wanted to go this Tower the Creator listening party at the Clippers arena tonight. And he never really asked me for anything. Obviously. I have connections with music and was able to help out with some tickets. But we had to use this Intuit Dome thing. Have you downloaded that app yet?

[Cousin Sal]

I haven't. But I heard it's not easy.

[Bill Simmons]

First of all it has one star on Apple. Which I think is maybe high out of five. Super hard. So the person who's getting the tickets they were trying to transfer it to him and it wasn't working because he signed up today. Maybe there's like whatever. So they had to transfer it to me. And then I couldn't transfer it to him. And he was on the thing. He's now yelling at me. I'm like. All I did was try to get you with it. Now it's my fault. I don't understand why you can't they just like instantly start turning on you And. And I'm in Intuit Dome hell. He. Then I'm like. You just log in as me. Just put it on your thing. Log in as me and you'll be able to get the ticket. He logs in as me. It locks out the account. Now I have to change my password. I'm trying to watch Niners Cowboys and prepare for the pod. He's yelling at me. It's just going back and forth. Now I changed my password. It's on. I gotta figure out how to transfer it. And it's. Now my wife's involved. Now she's yelling at him. And all this is going on during the first half of the game as I'm trying to figure out guest lines. All that stuff. And it's just this two hour odyssey. And then I don't hear anything for a little bit. He's panicking. Third quarter of the game, I don't hear anything for a half hour. And I'm like, hey, did you get in? And he just replies, yeah, no, thank you. No, thank you. No. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to tell you. That was really nice. Thanks. I'm. I'm so glad I'm in. I'm pumped.

[Cousin Sal]

Hey.

[Bill Simmons]

I know I was a pain in the ass. Sorry. Just. Yeah. Three words, three letters. Yeah. So that was it. That's what it. That's what it is when you try to do something nice for your son.

[Cousin Sal]

Are you still mad at you? If you were probably mad.

[Bill Simmons]

Into a dome. It's so stupid.

[Cousin Sal]

You wouldn't have to change your password. I would have gotten in 10 minutes before.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I don't know that. This. Into a dome with these, where they measure. Measure your biometrics, and they take pictures of your face and nobody else can use your account, and you can't transfer tickets. We might have gone too far.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, and it's cashless once you get in and, like, you want, you just. You wave it like a wand and you just take food. I don't even think there's a concessionaire from what I was told. Like, you take food and it knows what you took, kind of like from a mini bar.

[Bill Simmons]

It does feel like a 2006 JKO bit that you would have done, where you go in and you just take, like, $700 of food and try to see how much you can get through without actually paying for all the. Whatever. I don't understand it. It's a little creepy, though.

[Cousin Sal]

A little bit.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know if I like it or not. Apparently there's, like, 2,000 cameras in the building, and they could photograph everybody at all times. They know when you walk in, it's. It's definitely, I guess, what the future is going to look like.

[Cousin Sal]

And then there's the cheering session section and all that. Right. The wall. The wall.

[Bill Simmons]

Durant said it was good. Yeah, he said it was. All right. I'm going next week, so I'll be able to.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, you got to report back, because I'm excited about this.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, that's it for Parent Corner. Anything else you got?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, through the ringer with Tate Frazier. He's a delightful man. Lots of fun. We got Against All Odds a couple times on Ringer Podcast Network, the Ringer pregame show Sundays, and on Cousin Sal's winning weekend this Friday. I should have you guess who my guest is.

[Bill Simmons]

Major Aaron Hernandez.

[Cousin Sal]

It's Aaron Hernandez.

[Bill Simmons]

Tyler the crater.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, that wasn't fun. You guessed right away. Yeah. How about this? I'll give you three guesses and I'll give. I'll give you these two hints. He was featured. He starred in a movie about sports, gambling, and he. Oh, you son of a bitch.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that was an easy hint. I like to for the money. Good movie.

[Cousin Sal]

You didn't think it was like Paul Newman?

[Bill Simmons]

Piven is like. Piven was like the Chad Millman character in it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right. I got Matthew McConaughey. That's fun.

[Bill Simmons]

So you liked it for the money? I kind of like it. CR Wants to do it for rewatchables. He's been.

[Cousin Sal]

I want to watch it again because I remember, you know, because we're nuts and I know the premise was a little bit out there, but I'm going to. I'm going to watch it again.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, Cousin Sal, as always, good job by you.

[Cousin Sal]

Good job by you, buddy.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, that's it for the podcast. Thanks to cousin Sal. Thanks to Kyle Creighton and Steve Ceruti as well. Don't forget, you can watch clips from this podcast as well as the entire show on The Bill Simmons YouTube channel. New rewatch what's coming Monday night. I'm gonna have another podcast on Tuesday. I will see you then. Must be 21 plus in President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President D.C. gambling problem. Call 100 Gambler or visit rg-help.com, call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gambling helpline ma.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny in New York.