Are the Chargers for Real? Plus: the Tommy Boy Titans, a New York Swoon, Throwback Pats PTSD, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal.

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast – September 22, 2025

Episode: Are the Chargers for Real? Plus: the Tommy Boy Titans, a New York Swoon, Throwback Pats PTSD, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal.

Host: Bill Simmons
Guest: Cousin Sal
Main Themes: NFL Week 3 Recap, “Are the Chargers for Real?”, NFL Power Rankings, Notable Coaching Decisions, and the Outlook for Major Teams. Plus, the always-popular Guess the Lines segment.

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal break down a tumultuous NFL Week 3, hitting on everything from underwhelming primetime games to surprising contenders and classic coaching blunders. Highlight topics include the Chargers’ legitimacy as Super Bowl contenders, New York’s football misery, catastrophic coaching from the Tennessee “Tommy Boy” Titans, and the psychological fallout for Patriots fans. As always, the pair wrap with their “Guess the Lines” game for Week 4.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chiefs-Giants Snoozefest and CBS Throwback Night

• [03:28] Simmons: Noted the Chiefs-Giants game was terrible and reflected on CBS's 1970s-styled broadcast, including nostalgia for the bad Patriots of his youth.
• [03:51] Cousin Sal: Sympathized with Simmons’ Patriots PTSD, mocking the Pats’ current state with quips about turnover-plagued past teams.

2. State of the Chiefs & Mahomes Discourse

• [06:00] Bill: Kicked off a tongue-in-cheek “Mahomes hot takes” segment—suggesting (facetiously) Mahomes may no longer be a top 3 QB.
• [06:17] Cousin Sal: “He’s a better defensive player than he is quarterback.” (referencing Mahomes’ bizarre play awareness)
• [07:12] Sal: Examines the impact of Tyreek Hill’s absence; “He just does so much though. I hate to put it on him.”
• [08:10] Simmons: Outlines teams he views as true Super Bowl contenders after three weeks: Buffalo, Cowboys, Philly, Chargers, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Rams, and then a muddled last spot among KC, SF, and Detroit.

3. NFL Power Rankings: After Three Weeks

• [08:41] Cousin Sal: “I’d put Detroit over KC right now. They’re not getting a lot of love at all.”
• [09:28] Simmons: “San Francisco seems to have a massive injury every week... just seem snakebit.”

4. NFC vs AFC Strength, Undefeated Teams, and New York Disaster

• [09:55] Simmons & Sal: Discuss surging NFC, relative AFC weakness, and the shockingly bad New York teams (Jets & Giants a combined 0-6).
• [10:55] Simmons: Trivia nugget: the Jets/Giants’ worst season combo was 7-25 (in 1996).
• [11:52] Sal: “They did a good job pulling [the Giants] off primetime for the most part.”

5. Betting Blues and South Division Doldrums

• [13:00] Simmons: Admits a horrendous gambling week, setting a self-deprecating tone.
• [13:19] Sal: “Those early games were just monsters. Just really, really bad.”
• Conversation shifts to abysmal teams like the Jaguars, Texans, Panthers, and Falcons—a “sound and fury, signifying nothing” slate.

6. Chargers-Denver: The Playoff Audition

[21:45; 23:31] Core Segment

• [22:02] Simmons: “I thought the Broncos defense was great... they pressured Herbert, sacked him five times... felt like a playoff game.”
• [23:40] Sal: “It didn’t feel like a classic Chargers game. Chargers would have blown that game, no question.”
• [24:31] Bill: “Feels like [Herbert] has gone up a level and he’s just hitting these little checkpoints... That team has the look.”
• [25:59] Simmons: Highlights a “softer” Chargers upcoming schedule, suggesting they could be 6-0 heading into the Colts game.
• [26:46] Sal: “Had they lost to Denver, then... this is up for grabs. But [odds are]—minus 1.55—it’s theirs.”

7. Rams-Eagles Gambling Debacle

• [27:38] Both: Breakdown of wild game; Rams’ shocking collapse, blocked FG return (“utter pandemonium Sportsbook game”).
• [28:58] Sal: “Does it get any worse than that?” Recounts the “fat guy” touchdown on the blocked field goal.
• [30:38] Simmons: “The Eagles, they had to fall behind by 19 to become entertaining... That game also felt playoffy.”

8. Emerging Stars and Offensive Player of the Year Watch

• [30:49] Simmons: Elevates Rams’ Nakua to “Chase/Jefferson tier.”
• [31:21] Sal: “Nakua is third [for Offensive Player of the Year] at +750.”

9. QB Rookie and Sophomore Check-in

• [32:30] Simmons: “Where are you with Bo Nix right now?” Places solid but inconsistent rookie campaigns in perspective.
• Both are critical of Trevor Lawrence (Jags) and lament Houston’s lack of offensive identity.

10. Coaching Blunders & the “Tommy Boy” Titans

• [38:13] Simmons: Rips into Titans coach Callahan’s agonizingly mismanaged end-of-half sequence.
• [39:15] Sal: “Funny, because Callahan was the name of the tires...in Tommy Boy should that be our nickname? Tommy Boy?”

11. Colts as a Possible Division Winner

• [41:39] Sal: “I believe they can win that division... they’re getting all the love on FanDuel.”
• Colts’ easy schedule, Daniels’ “Indiana Jones” nickname debated (much to Sal’s irritation).

12. Heartbreaks & Nickname Games: Patriots, Cowboys, Dolphins

• [48:47] Simmons: Patriots fumbled four (!) times in the red zone—a “gut punch three hours.”
• [51:02] Sal: Coins “Drake Maybe” for Pats rookie QB Maye: “He maybe good, I don’t know.” Bill (reluctantly) loves it.
• [52:57] Cousin Sal: “You revived Caleb’s career… your defense has given up 12 25+ yard plays in two games.”

13. Guess the Lines – Week 4

Many games discussed—key lines and banter highlight teams that have become betting landmines or opportunities.

• [61:25] Simmons nails Cardinals by 1.5 over Seahawks, showing rare confidence.
• [64:05] Ravens favored at KC is “a fair line. [But] it’s tough when the Chiefs are trotting out two guys the Pats waived as starters.”
• [65:47] The pair address Baker Mayfield’s “1pm Savior” status: “[He’s] my favorite non-Patriots QB to watch.” (Simmons)
• [68:20] Rams favored by 3.5 over Colts—Sal: “I wish I wasn’t so angry at the Rams. This would be…I would be all over this.”

14. Announcer Standouts & Media Musings

• [76:13] Bill: Praises JJ Watt as a “fantastic” color commentator, outshining Tom Brady in his new TV gig. “He was seeing everything, and I just—learned shit from him.”
• Brady, Watt, Greg Olsen, and others ranked; consensus: broadcast talent deep, but star power and analysis vary.

15. Nostalgia, Family, and Parent Corner

• [87:33] Cousin Sal shares a story about Jimmy Kimmel and his son—humor abounds, but both hosts stay coy given real-world news context.
• [90:12] Bill’s mother still brings up an ancient “shoe to the eye” incident—a decades-old family running joke.

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

• Bill Simmons:

  • “[The Chargers] could be 6-0 heading into the Colts game.” (26:13)
  • “Five turnovers, twenty-six first downs—I don’t remember that stat ever.” (49:31)
  • “He probably deserves it…that’s a really good nickname.” (re: “Drake Maybe” for QB Maye, 51:12)
  • “Baker [Mayfield] is my favorite non-Patriots QB to watch…he’s always alive in the fourth quarter.” (66:10)
  • “Parent Corner: My mom has been bringing up [Carrie’s shoe accident]…for 27 years.” (89:09)

• Cousin Sal:

  • “He’s a better defensive player than he is quarterback.” (re: Mahomes, 06:17)
  • “It didn’t feel like a classic Chargers game. Chargers would have blown that game; no question.” (23:40)
  • “I feel like we may have a new entry to the first coach fired.” (re: Callahan, 39:06)
  • “Drake Maybe…You got to say it like, ‘Drake Maybe, he may be good, I don’t know…’” (51:02)
  • “You revived Caleb [Williams]’s career today…He’s back.” (53:16)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:28 — Recap of Chiefs-Giants, CBS throwback broadcast, Patriots nostalgia.
• 06:00 — Mahomes “hot take” banter and Chiefs’ supporting cast.
• 08:10 — Bill’s “eight teams that can win the Super Bowl.”
• 13:00 — Gambling disasters and salvos against the AFC South.
• 22:02 — In-depth Chargers-Broncos playoff-caliber analysis.
• 27:38 — Rams-Eagles review, gambling heartbreak, and the “blocked field goal miracle.”
• 30:34 — Nakua’s emergence as a top WR; OPOY odds.
• 38:13 — Titans’ Callahan shredded (“Tommy Boy” coaching moment).
• 41:39 — Colts winning the division? Skepticism and schedule review.
• 48:47 — Patriots' red zone turnovers and Maye’s development (“Drake Maybe”).
• 61:25 onwards — Guess the Lines: full rundown with sharp betting insights, upsets, and line movement logic.
• 76:13 — Announcer review: JJ Watt, Brady, broadcasting landscape.
• 87:33 — Parent Corner stories: family gossip, generational humor.

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Memorable Moments

• “Drake Maybe” nickname birth for the Patriots’ rookie QB—a sign of both hope and concern for Pats fans.
• Sal’s “Tommy Boy” moniker for Titans coach Callahan, after a brutal sequence of indecision and penalties.
• Massive sports-betting meltdowns: Rams’ blocked field goal TD, three-team parlays gone awry, and reminders of past Music City Miracle trauma
• Comparisons of broadcast teams, with surprise praise for JJ Watt’s analyst debut.
• The “New York Swoon”—historically bad Jets/Giants start, prompting trivia and black humor.

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Tone & Style

• Classic Simmons and Sal: sarcastic, anecdotal, nostalgic, endlessly riffing on misfortune—sports, gambling, and life.
• Frequent callbacks to old teams, movies, family and pop culture; generous with self-mockery and mocking each other's teams.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a must-listen for NFL junkies and gamblers alike—offering equal parts substantive analysis, humor, historical context, and betting intel. Whether you need a lifeline after a rough gambling weekend, want perspective on the league’s true contenders (“Are the Chargers for Real?”), or simply want to laugh at Cousin Sal’s self-inflicted Cowboys misery, this episode covers all the bases.

Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

The Bill Simmons podcast, presented by FanDuel Sportsbook. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network where we put up a new episode of the Prestige TV podcast tonight. Actually, it is episode three of Task, which we recapped. We broke down. Me and Joanna Robinson and Rob Mahoney. We really love this show. Today's episode trying to figure out who the mole was. So if you haven't caught up yet, this is a good one. But you can check every Sunday night right after the episode ends on hbo, we are recapping it on Prestige. I also have a new episode of the Rewatchables coming for you. On Monday. We did Airplane in the Running for funniest movie of all time, maybe one of the most influential comedies. If not, it's in the top three. But anyway, broke it down with a very, very, very special guest and that is coming on Monday night. And then after that, starting, I think it's September 29th. So it's not technically October yet, but we're going to do Redford Month. We have to do five Redford Redford movies. There's a bunch left that we haven't done. So we're going to start banging out Redford Movies on September 29th. Stay tuned for that. I also went on Wesley Morris's podcast, Cannonball. It's not out yet, but keep an eye on it. We talked about Redford for two hours. It was really fun. I have no idea how they're going to edit it down, but it was great to spend time with my friend Wesley. Don't forget about all of our football and basketball and pop culture and smart podcast that we have on the ringer. If you're feeling like you're missing out on anything, great gambling podcast we have as well. Coming up on this podcast, Cousin Sal, we're going to talk about Week 3. NFL. This has not been my season. That's fine. It happens every once in a while. Last year did really well. This year it's not looking like I might not be doing that well. But that's fine. Go against me this year or maybe I'll turn it around as the year goes on. But we're going to talk about a pretty bizarre week three, which we should have seen coming. We're gonna take a break. Pearl Jam and then Cousin Sal. It's the Bill Simmons podcast presented by FanDuel. And the NFL is back and thank God FanDuel has everything. They got an awesome app, they have SGPs, they have great futures, they have good prop bets, live betting your way Bets Clean app. It's great to use. Been using it for a few years. Every time I go back to Boston or any place that has Fando and I get to use it, I'm always excited. I'm on an airplane Runway. You done the airplane Runway? Yeah, buddy. Airplane Runway. There should be a button. The Runway button. I'm on the airplane Runway. I got to get this in. Get your bets in. Build something bold, make every game feel bigger. Download the FanDuel app or head to Fando.com BS to get started. The Ringer committed to responsible gaming. Please visit rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available and listen to the end of this episode for additional details. You must be 21 plus in President select states or 18 plus in President DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Get in problem, call 1-800- Gamble or visit rg-health.com, call 1-887-89777 or visit ccpg.org.

[Cousin Sal]

Chatinconnecticut paid end all right, we're recording.

[Bill Simmons]

It as 8:30 Pacific Time Sunday night. Just watch a pretty terrible Chiefs Giants game. I think you enjoyed it though, Cousin Sal. You like when the Giants look terrible?

[Cousin Sal]

I like when they look terrible. I like when I actually win a leg on a Moneyline parlay. It's nice.

[Bill Simmons]

Congrats.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes, unfortunately it's the first leg for next week because I didn't have anything survive this week. But yeah, they're not fun. They're not fun. The Chiefs.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, you know, so it was CBS throwback day today. I don't know if you saw the pregame show. They had cbs. They had the guys with hair and outfits like it was in the 70s. They used the graphics from the 70s. Brett Musburger was on there. And then of course I had to watch the Patriots, who looked like they were from the mid-70s. The team that I fell in love with that went 3 and 11 and had 50 turnovers in the 1975 season. We had 50 turnovers in 1975, 28 interceptions and 22 fumbles.

[Cousin Sal]

You'll get there again. Don't worry.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, but then it came full circle tonight when our second round pick, Tyquan Thornton that we waived is now the best guy in the Chiefs. I was like, this is it. They really did manage to bring back my childhood. I'm watching old Patriots shine on other teams. My team is not very good. The Chiefs. Where do you stand after three weeks other than just being bored?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, Tyquan should know that that's not the brand of ball they play. You don't catch long passes. You don't make spectacular catches at the goal line.

[Bill Simmons]

How dare he.

[Cousin Sal]

It's 16 play drives that end up with a Butler field goal or a miss or something. And then you grind it out and. Yeah, I. Is it weird to say I feel bad for the Chiefs because I feel like they're being put in a position they don't want to be in. They don't. They don't. It's like, oh, do I have to be in prime time? It's like asking the wife to fool around. She's like, can I? Like, all right, fine. Just like, it's okay. You don't have to be in prime time anymore. We just had to have someone go up against the Giants who's not going to score more than 30 points. So you fit the bill.

[Bill Simmons]

Even Collins, where it seemed like he was going through the motions. Yeah, he tried to get a couple Patrick, but he was like, I'm just ready to. I'm ready for a better day.

[Cousin Sal]

I love this Cam Scatterboo. I just giggle every time he's so big and white. Bill, you know, is it.

[Bill Simmons]

Scatterboo had one bul where he just took out the defensive end and that got Collinsworth excited. Funniest possible Mahomes takes that you could sell right now with a shred of truth. I'll start. Clearly. Clearly not one of the best 3 QBs anymore, is it? Take. You could have. You could have it. I'm not saying I believe in it.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, who would you put three? I mean, everyone loves Al and Lamar.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Herbert's been on fire this year. I mean, Herbert has made a massive leap. Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I know. I want to see a little more. I like Herbert this year.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm just saying there has to be a shred of truth. You'd have to make you go do one of those.

[Cousin Sal]

How about this? He's a better defensive player than he is quarterback. I mean, he really did that. That play before the half, like that was a 10 point swing and all him. It was that causing the. Somehow he was the only player out of the 11 who knew that was a backward pass. The only one on his team.

[Bill Simmons]

He did it twice.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right, right, right. And then he chased after it and miraculously punched it free and then throws like the 50 yard pass interference, which was pretty great too. It was like probably 70 yards. But yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's funny. This game was close and it did feel like the Giants were going to get frisky with it and possibly steal it. And then it felt at the end of the half when they didn't get that turnover. The guys are running at it in the end zone. All of a sudden Holmes has it again. Then the Chiefs, all of a sudden they get a field goal and you just felt like okay, could you, could you talk yourself into. Mahomes is only awesome as long as he is a generational tight end and wide receiver on his team.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh well, I went through the numbers with you last week, right. Like four years ago was 28 points a game. And then Tyreek Hill, it might have been a coincidence, but. Yeah. He just does so much though. I hate to put it on him. Right. Because he just does so much. He knows all the angles out of run for first downs and he was actually good today. Yeah, yeah. I didn't mind him.

[Bill Simmons]

Could that. Could you talk yourself until he's a little out of shape like Luka Doncic, Sir Shred.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm just trying to come up. Here's where I landed. When you're starting two wave Patriots, three third string running backs and a washed up hall of Fame tight end, maybe you're not gonna look as good. I think that's probably the. Probably the right take. He. He's a little weird on the long balls. I guess would be the way to ding him. But for the most part. If you were going to do the eight teams that can win the super bowl, would you have them as one of the eight right now? After three weeks, I'll give you four that I think have to be on there.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Buffalo Cowboys, Philly, the Chargers and Green Bay. I think despite today.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I would put Tampa Bay and the Rams on there personally to get to six.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that seven spot still probably goes to kc but there's a kc, San Francisco, Detroit maybe for the seven, eight. Is there anybody else you're excited about?

[Cousin Sal]

I put Detroit over them.

[Bill Simmons]

You'd put Detroit over KC right now?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. They're not getting a lot of love at all. I don't really get it.

[Bill Simmons]

But we'll see tomorrow night.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, I guess we'll see.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I accidentally left out Baltimore, so they should be on there. Yeah, sorry. Baltimore.

[Cousin Sal]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you. Oh yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Baltimore is going to win that division by four games.

[Bill Simmons]

Like that's.

[Cousin Sal]

They're ridiculous.

[Bill Simmons]

So Buffalo Green, Buffalo Chargers, Green Bay, Philly, Tampa, Baltimore Rams and then Casey San Francisco or Detroit for the eighth spot because we always like to have eight. Like eight to work with.

[Cousin Sal]

Right. The Only thing is we've seen them be a seven seed and you know, run the table. Yeah. Are they much worse than that team?

[Bill Simmons]

I would rather bet on them right now than Detroit or San Francisco. Mostly because San Francisco seems to have a massive injury every week.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And they just seem snake bit for whatever reason. Detroit will see tomorrow night. But yeah, I'm not ready to quit on KC but I think, I think if they had lost today, that would have been it. We have six, three no teams. Buffalo, Indy, the Chargers, Philly, Tampa and San Francisco. But we have nine two and one teams. Six of them are in the nfc. Are we at the NFC is definitely better than the AFC point of this journey Because I feel like it is.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think so. I mean that north is very solid. Just compare the Norths. Right. The East. Both east divisions have their issues. Right. Kind of, kind of a team running away with it.

[Bill Simmons]

They have one. Yeah, one good one and then some.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, the North. I think the AFC north despite the Steelers win today, I think it's lacking. I really do. I, I mean I said the Ravens are going to win that by four games. I, I, I, I believe that. Whereas if you were to name playoff teams in the NFC North, I'd kick the Bears out of there probably now. But any of those other three are solid.

[Bill Simmons]

And then the NFC west, they have nine wins in the NFC west through three weeks already. Yeah. Then the AFC west is pretty good too. Nfc.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So we have six own three teams. The Jets, Miami, Houston, Tennessee, the Giants and the Saints. The jets and giants are 06. I feel like we've done this segment before, but let's do it again.

[Cousin Sal]

Go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

What was the worst combined record they ever had in a 16 game season? Jets and Giants.

[Cousin Sal]

Jets and Giants.

[Bill Simmons]

How many wins? If you had to guess fanduel number if I gave you over under seven and a half would you go over.

[Cousin Sal]

Or under 16 game schedule. Right. Combined wins four and I'll say nine.

[Bill Simmons]

So no, there was a bunch of eights.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

And in 1996 they went 7 and 25 combined.

[Cousin Sal]

Trying to figure out who the coaches were there. Is that a Cotite?

[Bill Simmons]

Might have been a Cotite. Yeah, it could have been.

[Cousin Sal]

No, I was after.

[Bill Simmons]

Possible cause just co tie one of those guys and then I don't know who for the Giants. Yeah. So the Jets, Giants own six. I know they're going to switch to dart. That might give the Giants some life. I don't feel like the Giants are, are awful. And the jets could easily be two in one. So maybe they can be.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean they just have to pull the Giant. They did a good job pulling them off primetime for the most part. They're not in the Thanksgiving game with Dallas. They're not in a Sunday night game against Dallas.

[Bill Simmons]

Although that was.

[Cousin Sal]

That was actually entertaining when they played Dallas. But. And Russell Wilson going into today was like had the most passing yards. Right. And like most long, long passes. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Your team just revived Caleb Williams's career today.

[Cousin Sal]

Jesus Christ. He's back.

[Bill Simmons]

I was getting ready to go to the cfl. Now he's number one pick again.

[Cousin Sal]

Some tweet said Eber flu finally developed. Caleb Williams, he finally is able to.

[Bill Simmons]

Develop the worst revenge game of all time.

[Cousin Sal]

Good God, we'll show you. No. Russ looked like John Mara pulled him aside at the end and said I'll give you a million dollars if you could hit the crossbar with a pass three straight times. Ready? Ready. It was in the same spot all three times.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think anything drives me crazier than the fourth down throw it out of bounds pass.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What's worse, just you could just throw it straight up in the air and have it drop down like a satellite from outer space and you have a better chance than just whipping it out of base.

[Cousin Sal]

Pass interference called every two and a half plays. Yeah. Take a shot.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't get it. So I'm guessing, I'm guessing you didn't do well gambling west today because I had a horrible day and I'm officially worried about 2025 for me now. I had a bad. We did our over under spot. I was telling you I didn't feel great about this season. I. It's not going great. I did not have a good day today. There's.

[Cousin Sal]

I. I did not either. I. I mean we're going to talk at length I think about that Rams Eagles game but when you have first of all those early games were just monsters. Just really, really bad. Right. And then you like and I think it's because you have both sound. I know we pick on the south divisions a lot but yeah. You have teams that just don't seem like they want to win like Jacksonville and the Texans and the Titans and the Falcons. Right. So bad. And then the heart attack endings in three of these others like block kicks, return for touchdowns. It's just 1pm Pacific Time lunacy. But yeah, yeah, I was on the wrong side of all of those endings.

[Bill Simmons]

My biggest one I got the most wrong was the Falcons in Carolina, which it was really more a Bet against Carolina. I thought Carolina was the worst team I saw in the first two weeks and they had that deceiving comeback against the Cardinals, but they were really bad and they came out, they took the lead, they looked very polished. Pennix was an abomination. Like he just couldn't have been worse. To the point you're like, are they going to bring in Kirk Cousins at halftime? They get shut out by Carolina and Carolina and that's another division where it's like, who's Tampa can just have a guy go down or Mike Evans went down for them today. I still don't know if anyone challenges them.

[Cousin Sal]

If you're.

[Bill Simmons]

If Atlanta's going to lose 30 to nothing on the road in Carolina. I'm not taking them seriously after that.

[Cousin Sal]

Tampa's winning some stupid games too, but I do think they're. When they get everyone back, they're better. Yeah, that was the biggest Panthers win in a decade and they had 224 total yards. Just get rid of. I, I was thinking like, are there too many? I asked like chat gbt. Like I said, favorites four or more points that get shut out. Favorites by four or more and chat gb. It basically told me to fuck off. I guess it was busy. But there can't be too many favorites like mid range favorites that get shut out.

[Bill Simmons]

That was I, you know, look, we knew there was going to be some weirdness. The, the higher favorites did great the first two weeks. Right. We were texting about it all week. Okay, keep your guard up. Green Bay, that line just stayed specifically at seven and a half seven all week. The money line was high, but the line was just never as high as it seemed like it should have been. And then that game had all the makings. The whole day. Green Bay could never pull away. Love had the really, really bad fourth quarter interception. All of a sudden Judkins, out of nowhere wasn't even on the team. Like a day when we did our knockout draft. Yeah, I don't even think he had signed with the Browns yet. I'm not sure anyone even took him. Or maybe somebody took him.

[Cousin Sal]

No, nobody had him. You jinxed him. You said he, you had the better Ohio State running back.

[Bill Simmons]

Apparently that debate has been opened again. But you just kind of knew how it was going to play out. But it made no sense as you were watching it. It's like somehow the Browns are going to win this and I have no idea. But then this, this kicker who we made fun of after week one, Schmidt. Whatever. Sismet, whatever his name is. And he's got a 55 yard. It's like, of course he's going to make this. So now Green Bay has a little, little shine off their Super Bowl.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Super bowl bliss.

[Cousin Sal]

Until they beat the Cowboys by 78. And like, wow, we haven't seen that. That's weird. But they, yeah, they thought they could sleepwalk through this game, and for the most part, they were right. I, at one point, I saw four offensive linemen were wearing sandals.

[Bill Simmons]

Is that weird?

[Cousin Sal]

Like, they don't care. It was a sandals game. But.

[Bill Simmons]

But they were saying they were looking ahead to next week because they're playing your terrible team next week. Yeah, we're getting ready for the cameras.

[Cousin Sal]

Everyone's wearing sandals. But the Browns were hilarious at the ball on the two and kept moving backwards and there was no urgency with four minutes left. And then, I don't know, third and three with 3:18. He love throws an interception. It didn't make any sense.

[Bill Simmons]

We talked about the Browns both weeks looking a little better than. Maybe if people didn't watch the game, they would have thought. I thought week one, they should have won. And just in general, they, they seem like relatively competent. And then today they hung with the packers that whole game. And their defense is top seven defense, top five defense.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, they're really taking the Packers. One thing with the packers, they're missing a bunch of receivers and it doesn't, you know, I think they never really had a number one, but they had a bunch of number twos.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And now it's basically just golden and, and Dobbs and, And Wicks. And then Kraft was playing hurt and they just didn't have that same kind of explosiveness. But the Browns, that's not going to be an easy place to win this year. They at least have an identity and know who they are. I wonder like, if Shadora will see him this year, though. So we're average 10 points a game, like at some point. Got to think about it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I guess.

[Bill Simmons]

Or Gabriel, one of those guys.

[Cousin Sal]

Flacco had thrown 90 passes in two weeks. Right. So this, this game was a little different, but. Yeah, any. Any team in the league, you only score 10 points, you're gonna, you're gonna give him a chance to. I mean, I thought that leverage call was coming for sure on that field goal. I thought I was like, here it comes. No way.

[Bill Simmons]

Green Bay had 14 penalties, 230 yards total. And I think we can safely say the. The bandwagon got a little overcrowded.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Little too many Too many people on there. Who do you have as the favorite right now?

[Cousin Sal]

Do they want to give? They want to give. They can give Micah back if they want.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, that's just. Rick, just flip the trade backwards.

[Cousin Sal]

Just damaged goods. Favorite to win the whole thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. If you had to, if you had to make one super bowl bet right now, what would it be? And I'll even. You can, you can even say for odds versus who you think is going to actually win, because the favorites right now are Baltimore and Buffalo and FanDuel five to one.

[Cousin Sal]

Right. Is that going to change? I don't think that's going to change unless there's an NFC team that just really, really comes out in front. Packers had a shot to do that, but I think it's going to be Buffalo, Baltimore. When we get to the lines, you'll see how much these teams are respected. But yeah, Buffalo didn't look great Thursday night, but I still missing a bunch of dudes. Yeah, I put them at the top.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, you figure they're probably going to be a one seed, especially that division. The Pats, my stupid team, the jets, the Dolphins, they could go just six and oh, if you go six and oh in a division at that point, you just need to go seven and four against everybody else. Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Something like that.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I think that was one of my future bets with you, that they went six and oh, something like that. That they ran the table.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I remember taking it personally because I believed in the Pats and that's not how it worked out. It's not. Let's take a break and then I want to talk about the super bowl team that I think we should have a real conversation about. The Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by FanDuel. FanDuel is changing the way you live bet football. It starts with next drive sgps bet on what's happened Next drive, touchdown, punt, field goal, whatever you want. Check out player stats, stick in player props, build your bet exactly how you want it. Every NFL game day comes with a profit boost that you can use on your next drive SGP so you can get more out of every play. Whether you're betting a drive a player of the next big moment. FanDuel makes live betting feel smarter, faster and way more fun. Visit FanDuel.com BS to download the app today and bet the next drive your way. You must be 21 +, President in select states or 18 + and President in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens restrictions Apply including any token expiration max wager amount. See [e-mail] get prom, call 100 GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org chadinconeticut this episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Every football season, the same thing happens. The game somehow makes everybody really hungry. Quarterback scrambles, clearly a sign for breakfast burritos. Yeah, turnover. Suddenly dessert at 2pm doesn't sound so crazy. Wing formations, well, those can only mean Buffalo wings. As if they're ever not in play. Even the goalposts start looking suspiciously like french fries. It's almost like football sending the message to eat more food.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

The good news, Uber Eats makes those cravings easy to satisfy with game day deals all season long. From wings and pizza to chips, drinks and even last minute grocery runs. Don't sleep on those. You'll find savings on all your favorites delivered straight to your door. Order now on Uber Eats. All right, before I went to break, I said I wanted to talk about the possible super bowl team that we need to have a real conversation about. Who do you think that is?

[Cousin Sal]

All right, so it's one of the top eight you named earlier, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay. And it's. I think it's going to be someone who won today. So I'm going to kick the Rams out of there. I don't think you're going to say nine is all right. The Chargers, fine, go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Cousin Sal]

That's what it is.

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't bet on it today because I have so many Denver futures that it wasn't worth it for me to do it. I really wanted to do the Denver +3. Now, if you watch the game very closely and there are only three games, so I watched this entire game and I thought the Broncos defense was great. Like they, they pressured they 29 pressures on Herbert. They sacked him five times and he was under duress. And it felt like a very even game. And then you look at the stats. After Denver got outgamed by 111 yards, the Chargers had 29 first downs, Denver had nine. Yeah, Denver kind of Denver kind of got dominated. But it didn't feel like that when you're watching because they were putting pressure on Herbert.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought Herbert, you know, he was fantastic in that first game. I thought that last drive, that touchdown pass especially, especially just fantastic. MVP wise, he's down to six to one now and I think it's legitimate because he's playing as well as anybody. They're three now in their division. And I think what I liked about that game, Sal, it felt like a playoff game. I know Knicks didn't play that well. Knicks missed a couple bombs that he has now figured out how to hit a guy in stride by six inches too far. And it hits their. He'll hit like, three fingertips, but never get the guy in stride. And it's like, oh, he's. He's like the master. So they had plays. Franklin dropped one in the end zone. Like, they left stuff on the table. And I thought the Chargers played. You know, they lose Najee Harris against an Achilles thing. I'm rambling. My point is I thought it felt like a playoff game watching it. I could see that game in January.

[Cousin Sal]

It didn't feel like a Chargers game. Right. Like 2007-2024. Chargers would have blown that game, no question. And they almost did. They were up 10, nothing. And Denver came back, and it really was. Looked like the yards were going to come at a premium. It wasn't. They weren't really moving the ball. And like you said. Yeah, that last drive was really something. That's the defense. The Denver defense. We've been afraid. That's a Denver defense you bet all those futures on. Right. Yeah. I'm gonna say something else, too. We may have to get rid of one of our favorite jokes, which is Chargers fans not showing up to watch the games.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that was a good crowd.

[Cousin Sal]

Sounded loud, right? I don't know. I don't think they're pumping noise in. It's really sounding. I usually wait till the last next day where I could watch fights in the crowd. You know, they usually pop up on Twitter and then you scan the crowd. But I think it was pretty good for them.

[Bill Simmons]

Herbert, you know who we've talked about a lot in this podcast, and I've been saying how I'm a results guy. It feels like he's gone up a level and he's just hitting these little checkpoints now. Like that drive. I think I just feel like a year ago, they lose the game, that Johnston is wide open five times a game now. Like, this was a guy who felt like he might be a bus two years ago. And then the Keenan Allen who they got felt like pretty late in the summer. Um, feels like he. You can hear from him twice a game when they really, really need him. He's going to make a play. Um, I don't know that that team. That team has the look. I wonder what they need like they have Mack who's going to be out for a couple weeks. Slater's gone for the year. I wonder could they get like one more offensive lineman maybe during this season, but beat three.

[Cousin Sal]

What are they for the division now? Because for them to be, for him to win MVP and all that stuff, they have to be a top 13 and four. Two seed, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Minus 55.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, here's the thing about them in the division. They're three and oh, already in the division. Right. They're three. Zero. But they're all AFC west games. So, you know, watching them, I think Denver's closer to them than the Chiefs are. But we know as we talk about every week, like when. Right. We gotta wait for Rice and Worthy to come back before we know we have with the Chiefs. But sure, I've been really impressed. Do they, do they play Baltimore or Buffalo this year? I got to look this up. The Chargers.

[Cousin Sal]

Chargers had the second place schedule.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm looking that up right now. They play the Eagles. They play the Chiefs again. Play the Broncos again. That's really it. I mean you look at their schedule, the next couple, they're at the Giants, their home commanders, they're at the Dolphins. And then they have the Colts in week seven. Like they really could be six and oh. Heading into that Colts game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Right. And if Denver's gonna lose dumb games like this, that Week 18 game in Denver, which everyone had penciled, you know, circle right might not mean as much. Yeah. I mean this easily. Had they lost to Denver, then you're looking at the Chiefs are a game behind and they still have to play Chargers, still have to play the Chiefs in KC Right. Then it's like, ah, man, this is up for grabs. But what'd we say it was? Minus1.55.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think those are, I think those are good odds. Especially like some of the games that seem like they were gonna be hard. Not sure. At Titans, that's not a hard game anymore. At Cowboys, week 16, easy. At Dolphins, like 4 and 11 at that point. At Dolphins, that's not a hard game anymore. So, you know, and then that at Broncos game, maybe they'll get to the point where they won't have to care about it. But this is the easy stretch of their schedule right now. At Giants home Commanders at Dolphins. And then we'll see with the Colts, we'll see if the, if the Colts are real. But yeah, I thought, you know, and then the other team that I could definitely. We mentioned them earlier. I thought just the Rams, the Rams definitely can hang. Now let's talk about how awful they can hang.

[Cousin Sal]

They almost made me hang. Jesus.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, they're 26. What was that? 26 to 7.

[Cousin Sal]

26 7.

[Bill Simmons]

That was it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you feel like the Eagles could come back as I did at 26 7? Yeah. I was sitting there going, this is actually maybe what they need to, like, electroshock their system and start doing stuff. But I thought they'd come back. I thought the Rams would score again. And the Rams.

[Cousin Sal]

I was so locked into the narrative that Jalen hurts sucks. He can't throw the ball past six yards. No one's catching it anyway. He can only run. He's as good as Barkley goes. And. And the Rams were moving the ball, too. No, I didn't. I mean, you could have gotten a monster live line on that.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, that's. I didn't take it off the multi view.

[Cousin Sal]

No. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Because there was a lot of time. It was 26 7. But there was. It was like early in the third quarter, you know, it was in Philly. I was. I wrote.

[Cousin Sal]

That thing is sick. That's. I feel like everybody, like, doesn't seem like online everybody had that. That bed ache, that bad beat, like that. The king.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the Rams are one of the most popular picks this week, right? Yeah, Rams plus three and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

That's like when like 150,000 people claim they were at game six, Red Sox, Mets. But that. I was like, really? Everybody had this. I know I did. I'll show you. But this is that ending.

[Bill Simmons]

Was. Is it.

[Cousin Sal]

Does it get any worse than that? What do you want to talk about the whole game? I don't care. I mean.

[Bill Simmons]

No, let's talk about the ending first. I wrote down. That was a utter pandemonium Sportsbook game. Like you've ever been in Vegas for one of those when it seems like some. And then it's a shift and the guy's running and people are just like flying around in the sportsbook going. Going crazy. But we've had. We have these every year. I think people get amnesia. Really? Yeah, we have. We have at least one of those every year. That's just like completely insane.

[Cousin Sal]

So. All right, let's set the stage. The Rams are getting three and a half points. They're kicking a field goal to win the game. So they're right in the game.

[Bill Simmons]

Or they don't get it and they still cover.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, they don't get it. So the only. The only thing. The only thing that screws him is a Blocked field goal run back and.

[Bill Simmons]

Then the guy actually being dumb enough to run it all the way back versus just running out of bounds.

[Cousin Sal]

But if I said to you, I'm like, all right, Bill, sit down. Are you sit. You seated like the. The Rams are going to have this kick blocked. Who do you want draw me What? You want the guy who blocked it to look like?

[Bill Simmons]

And you would draw 280 pound guy?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, like 280. I said. Okay, how about this? How about he's 520? How about he's 520 pounds? You okay with that?

[Bill Simmons]

Sure.

[Cousin Sal]

The game's over by then. This fricking brotherly love Butterbean runs it all the way back and kills another ring of 107 pickup.

[Bill Simmons]

Where was the one fast rams guy chasing him down from behind like the. The backup safety who's doing the Don Beebe? Yeah, just. No, nobody. There was nobody even in the picture.

[Cousin Sal]

I guess he was. It was 18 and a half miles an hour, which I wouldn't even know. Like humans really did that. God bless him. I need to get a faster car, I guess. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the Eagles, they had to fall behind by 19 to become entertaining. That was very entertaining. That game also felt playoffy. I thought Nakua was awesome.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, and he had the stats too. He was 11 for 120, something like that. I think he's moved up a level this year for the conversation because we had.

[Cousin Sal]

What conversation? He's always up there.

[Bill Simmons]

We had Chase and Jefferson.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, offensive. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And then there was a drop off. And then it was like Nico Collins and neighbors and you could start listening to all these dudes. I think Nakua has to be up there now.

[Cousin Sal]

Did you look? I tell you, I could tell you where he is odds wise on FanDuel.

[Bill Simmons]

For what?

[Cousin Sal]

Offensive player of the year.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, what is he.

[Cousin Sal]

Isn't that what you're talking about when you say he moves up?

[Bill Simmons]

I'm just talking best receiver.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I see.

[Bill Simmons]

Because poor Chase is stuck with the Backup now for three months. Jefferson stuck with Carson Wentz.

[Cousin Sal]

The coup is third at plus 7:50. Derek Henry plus 650. Jonathan Taylor plus 500. Because he just is just racking up insane Derek Henry. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

How's he in there?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, he had two touchdowns first week and then last week he took off.

[Bill Simmons]

But I'm surprised Taylor's odds aren't even lower because he's been the most dynamic.

[Cousin Sal]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he's been awesome. Every game he's done one or two things I also think Smith Najigba is. He's 25 to win that. I would probably nudge that one up.

[Cousin Sal]

Jamar Chase just gone. Not giving him a chance. You're right. I mean, how could he. 30.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Jason too.

[Cousin Sal]

Same there.

[Bill Simmons]

So that's one where I feel like we could see that game again in January. Eagles, Rams. Yeah, we could be running that one back.

[Cousin Sal]

Sure. It was great last January too. I just. Please don't get me on that result again. That was terrifying.

[Bill Simmons]

I forgot to ask you on Chargers, Broncos, where are you with Bo Nix right now?

[Cousin Sal]

It's tough because I feel like I've.

[Bill Simmons]

Watched every snap of the Broncos this season and it's just that it just has not been consistent.

[Cousin Sal]

No, definitely not. I like the Oregon at all. So it was Knicks. I watched Knicks a lot. Herbert. That was fun. Watched them go at each other. He does seem to take charge and he has good control. Like when he. When he calls his own number and runs the ball. I was like, wow, that's good.

[Bill Simmons]

That's. That look.

[Cousin Sal]

He looks like a fourth year quarterback, but I also think people gave him too much credit last year. Like that defense was so dynamite. That's what kept him in a lot of these games. But yeah, he is. He is off from last year.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he's just not as accurate. He had a great point in the fourth quarter. He had a scramble and it was like third and 12, third and 13. And there were people in front of him and it seemed like he was going to either slide or get tackled and he made a move and he somehow got right to the line and. And you. You saw the whole sideline like explode. The Bronco sideline, you know, I always love that.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it just. It felt like a moment. It felt like, here we go. Bo Nix is. He's finally shown up for the season. Somehow they.

[Cousin Sal]

They lost. No, I think he's taken that.

[Bill Simmons]

He's taken the C.J.

[Cousin Sal]

Stroud approach. Like have a memorable rookie year. And then everyone's like, what the fuck? What is going on with this guy?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah, we. We should talk about CJ. Let's. I'll skip ahead of that game. Jaguar 17, Texans 10. This is one of the only games I got right. Jaguars defense I continue to think might be pretty good. Even though the Bengals scored some points on them. But they. They can rush a passer. They seem to get turnovers. And then on the flip side, Houston's offense now 38 points in three games. Today was a little unlucky because Collins had a really bad fumble with like four minutes left. It felt like Lawrence threw a terrible pick. They had a lead. Bad Lawrence pick. It was like, it was like Jaguars karaoke. Houston long pass to a wide open. Collins tied. Jaguars, they give up the ball back. Texans coming down. Then that Collins fumble. And then all of a sudden, all of a sudden that was it. We came flying back the other way.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I mean, when we go over the worst teams in the league, we won't include the Texans. But that offense has been real atrocious. Right. Like it's, it's going in. They were last in points scored and obviously they right there again. Right. And. And like four to last in yardage. He threw 38 times, which is a lot when most of it is in catch up time. Right. And he couldn't break 185. So there were lots of drops, actually. I don't know. I don't know why I find myself defending Trevor Lawrence all the time. There were like five drops on the Lawrence side.

[Bill Simmons]

Thomas was bad for three hours and then made the biggest play of the game, right? Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

So, yeah, 1710 sounded right. In a game that nobody wanted.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know what happened to Thomas.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

I. I wrote in my notes, he seems like he's in like some sports movie where it's like the part where they're playing like sad music and where, where before they come back and become the hero again. Like when Rod Tidwell, that part. Jerry Maguire, when he's just, you know, he's filming the commercial and Jerry's yelling at him and then we just see him get the shit kicked out of him and it's kind of all headed over Monday football. He just seems like he's in a major funk. I was reading about all he's on, I think most of my fantasy teams, and I was reading about it this week, and it's like the most polarizing topic with the Jaguar fans because most of them are like team Lawrence and a lot of them are blaming Thomas for like, he's dogging routes, he's not catching stuff. He can only run one type of. He can either go deep or just do a deep cross and that's it. He can't catch the ball over the middle. But yeah, they're. They're kind of a mess. And yet I'd rather be them than Houston. Yeah, Houston can't block Houston unless that Woody Marks can turn into something. A running back. They have no running backs.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

They spent two second round picks on receivers and they have nobody who can block. And then Stroud doesn't look like the guy from two years ago.

[Cousin Sal]

No, now they have some relief. They play the Titans at home. But no, I would not want to be the Texans right now. That's, that's a lousy team. I don't know. Yeah. As far as Jacksonville goes, like they, you know, Lawrence has his awful moments too, but he had to think Travis Hunter was going to work out. Right. And he had to think Brian Thomas wouldn't drop three balls a game. So that offense I think has a chance to get going. I don't know about the Texans. I mean, we love Nico Collins, but I feel like he may have to do it all.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, here's the other thing. There's three back in the AFC south already.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they're.

[Bill Simmons]

They're. I mean, nine and eight might get a seven seed, so they'd still have to go nine and five the rest of the way. Their schedule is not that hard. But you know, 38 points in three games.

[Cousin Sal]

I can't, I don't even. I can't imagine how much money you're going to put on a moneyline parlay with. With them to beat the Titans to start.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. I might scale back until I get a better feel for the season. Yeah, today was not great. The Colts killed the Titans. I had a little on the Titans money line and immediately regretted it. Not a lot, just a little. Colts still have not punted. Is that true?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, you're right.

[Bill Simmons]

Only one other team has gone three and oh and punted less than five times and it was the 2007 New England Patriots. So on Tennessee first, there were Fire Callahan chants. They've had 31 penalties in three weeks. They did a whole bunch of dumb shit again. But I really want to hone in on what happened at the end of the first half. Do you watch this game or do you have it on multi view?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, had it.

[Bill Simmons]

It was fourth and one during the 39 yard line with 46 seconds left in the first half. Indy calls timeout because they want to.

[Cousin Sal]

Get the ball back.

[Bill Simmons]

The timeout ends and Callahan's still deciding whether he wants to do a field goal or not. They get a delay a game after a timeout and the field goal goes from 57 to 62. Sly misses Indianapolis ends up driving down and getting a field goal. So Cowan says after I hadn't decided yet at the moment what we're going to do. We were going back and forth and wanted a minute to think about it. I was Going back and forth between the fourth down call and the field goal and decided to go take points. That particular situation and the operational part of it to kick it on time didn't happen. They were coming out of a timeout that they didn't even call. Right.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

This guy's more time house calls him Dumbo on my Thursday night pot every week. Might be offensive to Dumbo, but he hates him.

[Cousin Sal]

He says he's the worst ever.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we might have a new entry to the first coach fired.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Cause McDaniel, like Buffalo. Buffalo really had to work to beat Miami on Thursday night. I thought Miami, like fought.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Tennessee's not fighting for their Miami drive.

[Cousin Sal]

In the second quarter to end the second quarter was as good as you'll see all year. But yeah, Callahan. It's funny because Callahan was the name of the. The tires. It wasn't that Tommy Boy. She. Could Chris Farley go around trying to save his. Callahan's job.

[Bill Simmons]

Should that be our nickname for him? Tommy Boy.

[Cousin Sal]

Tommy Boy.

[Bill Simmons]

His name's not Tommy.

[Cousin Sal]

He's the brother that. A heart attack in the third scene.

[Bill Simmons]

His thing with the. With the field goal and the delay game. That was when. When Tommy Boy was doing the demonstration for the guy and he set his desk on fire. Right, right, right. New guys over there puking his guts out. Get out.

[Cousin Sal]

That's Callahan. Do you. Anyway.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, then the other thing is K. Moore started the game with a pick six, and it was like a really awful. I'm going to just stare you down and then throw it. And yeah, on the positive side, the Colts three. No. And Daniel Jones apparently has down the nickname Indiana Jones.

[Cousin Sal]

I hate it.

[Bill Simmons]

I heard the NBC guys talking about that in the pregame show.

[Cousin Sal]

That's why I hate it.

[Bill Simmons]

Jason Garrett really enjoyed it. He started humming the song and I don't know. I can. I can get there with it. That was there.

[Cousin Sal]

No, don't you do it now too. But no, I don't. It's fine. Tate and I were talking about. Is it the best nickname? There's so many great nicknames in the NFL and I was all behind it. And then.

[Bill Simmons]

Exactly.

[Cousin Sal]

I had this written down. Jason Garrett starts singing the song and calling him Indiana Jones.

[Bill Simmons]

What was the song? How did that song go? Isn't it.

[Cousin Sal]

Whatever. I don't need Jason Garrett singing or speaking.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I just said that's Star Wars.

[Cousin Sal]

That's. That is. Hold on. Yeah, hold on.

[Bill Simmons]

We got to get this right.

[Cousin Sal]

Let's get it right.

[Bill Simmons]

Thank God we're not going live on YouTube today because really, the Raiders. The Raiders theme song. Now we're going to get Blocked on YouTube. The Raiders song is.

[Cousin Sal]

Hold on.

[Bill Simmons]

I got Raiders Lost Ark. Why am I. We did it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it is. I got it right.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, this is John. Yeah, we did get it right. Yeah. I don't know why I was blanking. Colts, do you believe yet?

[Cousin Sal]

I believe they can win that division. Right. Like we're not excited about anybody else, but yeah, that'll be. I'm. I'm looking long and hard at them as the team I'm going to bet against in the playoffs.

[Bill Simmons]

Sure. Shakies. They're at Rams home, Raiders home, Cardinals at Chargers. The funny thing is they killed the Dolphins, but they should have lost to the Broncos and then deservedly beat the Titans. But you know, well, leverage call gets called that they're two and one. We're not as leveraged.

[Cousin Sal]

The individuals are getting all the love on fanduel. John Dental. As I mentioned, offensive player of the year favorite Steichen + 380 coach of the year. I would. I would have thought Daniel Jones would be. This is not right. He's third for comeback player of the year. I thought they were going to give him that award next week when he comes to la.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, what did he come back from? Just being terrible.

[Cousin Sal]

I guess that's it.

[Bill Simmons]

Did he like it? We. I guess we went through this with Flacco that time.

[Cousin Sal]

Right. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Can you come back from something? If all it wasn't the NFL, you.

[Cousin Sal]

Have to give him the award.

[Bill Simmons]

I like that. Trevor Lawrence is fourth. Who's betting on Did Trevor Lawrence come back? Did I get the Memo right? It's 17 points today.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, Dak McCaffrey, those two are both ahead of Daniel Jones right now. I guess you're right. It's what you come back from. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

McCaffrey, 2 is 100 to 1. Probably would recommend no on that one.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I think you're right. What are the Colts division odds now?

[Cousin Sal]

They have.

[Bill Simmons]

They're like almost two to one, right? Yeah. Oh, no. Minus 130.

[Cousin Sal]

135.

[Bill Simmons]

Hmm. All right.

[Cousin Sal]

If you parlay that in the Chargers like a trap, who screws you? You almost get 2 to 1.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. One of those teams are going to be the rabbit team. I would do. I still feel like the Jags can be heard from. I know that's crazy, but. No, I like some of the pieces with them and I think their. Their coach isn't bad.

[Cousin Sal]

That's my. I mean that was my preseason team to win. So I have to stay with it. I'm just trying to see if the Colts if it ever gets hard for them here at the Rams. Home for the Raiders, home for the Cardinals, at the Chargers. That's a fun game. And Titans, Steelers, Falcons.

[Bill Simmons]

It's always seems I'm just mad at myself because I couldn't July and August. I didn't want to pick the Texans. I couldn't come up with another team. I wanted to short the Chiefs. I didn't have the balls and then thought it was going to be the Broncos and I had the wrong team.

[Cousin Sal]

These south divisions ruin our summers. We spend much too much time trying to figure out who's going to win and then our family was it growing up and we missing it all.

[Bill Simmons]

It doesn't make sense that Daniel Jones was that bad last season unless it's just a two year injury. Yeah, because he was completely awful last year. Speaking of awful, Niners Cards was a pretty awful game and it had a met. So the Niners were going to win and then Mac Jones turned into Mac Jones threw a terrible pick to get the ball back. There's a safety involving Mac Jones wasn't his fault. Holding penalty. And at that point you realize Niners one and a half is going to be dust because it's 1513 cardinals. I was struggling before the beginning of the day to do niners minus one and a half or niners money line which is minus 120. It's like I'll just do the minus one and a half. When his team's ever. When do they ever win by one? Well then they come down. Mac Jones leads a game winning drive in the Cardinals. So I want to blame Kyler, Murray or Gannon but the reality is third to nine they ran a great pass to Zay Jones and he just couldn't.

[Cousin Sal]

Hold on to it. That was the high, the high one he went up for and he didn't come back.

[Bill Simmons]

I guess if you're going to ding them, it's like you ran the play of the game for Zay Jones.

[Cousin Sal]

Well here's who you could blame for this was a rat line and I lost on this too so I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but this was a rat line. It was one and a half right? The Tic Tac, the one we hate. No one had a good thing to say about Arizona this week. They're oh they're lucky to be two and oh they had injuries all over the place and this line could not move past San Francisco one and a half. And the guy gambling God says, I know what we'll do. We'll have them win by one point, and everyone like Bill will have the minus one and a half. And Mac Jones, like, that was pretty remarkable, taking them down the field there.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, when he was hurt, he was on one leg.

[Cousin Sal]

And you get caught for it. Right. He was, like, limping around. You get a safety that's, like, insulting. That's really hard to come back from. I know it wasn't his fault, but that's like getting slapped in the face with the white glove. And he just, like, shook it off and came all the way down and won that.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Actually made a field goal.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And they lost. Bosa. Early in that game, I thought the. I. They had a bunch of plays in the red zone and inside the 10, and I thought the Cards defense really rose to the occasion. I don't know why the Cards defense is as frisky as it is, because it's not like it's loaded with all pros, but they made a bunch of plays. Connor, going down. Flip the game a little bit for them because, you know, I. I actually think they probably win if that doesn't happen. But I thought the coaching on both sides, I thought some of the red zone stuff with the Niners was really bad. Arizona. I just. When Murray is coming out and around on that, like, when you're betting against the Cards, I'm just always worried of him rolling out. Like, when they need first downs, then they get away from that. It's like, oh, you're just going to go back and try to hit somebody on third and nine. I just. I don't love the. Whatever. I'm. I thought Trey McBride was terrifying.

[Cousin Sal]

Good throw to him in the end zone. Yep, that helped. But.

[Bill Simmons]

But the. The teams were pretty close, though. Was my takeaway from that game, like, the Cardinals were a little better than I was prepared for. And. And the Niners just winning that game with Mac Jones, I thought was pretty good. The Niners are three and.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, but are they going to lose? Like. And they beat. Was that all three NFC west teams that beat. Wait, no. Yeah. Wait.

[Bill Simmons]

Two of them.

[Cousin Sal]

The Cardinals in Seattle. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I. Oh, and. And New Orleans was the other. Yeah, I just. They just gonna lose someone big every week, though. That's the problem.

[Bill Simmons]

That's what. That's.

[Cousin Sal]

That's the issue. We know they're not deep. They pay seven guys, you know, 80% of their. The. The budget there. So I'm not Sure. How many more injuries they can afford?

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, McCaffrey, that play in the end on the last drive, there's just nobody better than him. You just.

[Cousin Sal]

That's true.

[Bill Simmons]

You kind of know they're going to do the dump off past him. They do it anyway and he's flying off. Their defense is a little better than I thought it was going to be considering they had so much turnover. Considering they lost like what, seven, eight guys. But I think seven kids. Sal is helping them. Or now he has eight kids. The.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, what's that? What's that division minus 105.

[Bill Simmons]

We have a three and O team and three two and one teams.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes, that's right.

[Bill Simmons]

You want to talk about your team or my team?

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, we're going to hit both of them. Let's do your team and then maybe we'll forget about mine.

[Bill Simmons]

Fumbled four times.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Inside the five yard line. We had a tip pick that the quarterback just should have lofted it. It's the easiest touchdown ever and just tries to throw a straight line for some reason. But I think the reason is because it seemed like he got mildly concussed two plays earlier and they don't even stop it. They don't have like. I thought they had these concussion spotters. Like he hits his head backwards, he's holding his head and then two plays later throws a terrible tip thing. Ramadre fumbles twice. It's an all time murder. I don't think we'll see him again. The Pats have five turnovers and 26 first downs. I don't remember that stat ever. Last three quarters they outgamed Pittsburgh 349 to 101 and they lose by seven.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it was a fucking absolute gut punch of the three hours. I hated it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

[Bill Simmons]

And we're definitely better than that team.

[Cousin Sal]

I think so too. But five turnovers? I mean, the Steelers didn't even do a great job. Imagine only scoring 21 points. The other team is 5 turnover. Like Rogers made a couple of good throws, but 139 yards. They had 203 total yards. Like you were alluding to. It just doesn't seem like a rable team though. Right. With all the turnovers and even like going. But even going for it on fourth down. I know they were four for five. Like he goes for it the least on fourth down. I know.

[Bill Simmons]

We went for it on our own 15.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right. It's just a, like a different coach, different everything. Different discipline.

[Bill Simmons]

May. I think May is Incredibly talented and he. 90% of the game he had today was great. But he. One play a half, he does something stupid like the tip pass. Touchdown. That's his fault. Like he can't make that play. And then the other one was in traffic. I don't know what he's trying to do, but he loses it and he fumbles. When he's doing. He's just trying to do too much and sometimes he'll put the ball on the ground and he's got to figure out how to not have those two plays a game.

[Cousin Sal]

He's young.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean he's 22, but I, I think when he's moving around on the sides and like he's lightning fast.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

There's a lot of.

[Cousin Sal]

He's not too young for me to give him a nickname that you're, you're not going to love.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay, let's hear. I'm ready for it. He probably deserves it.

[Cousin Sal]

Drake maybe. You got to say like Drake maybe. Right. He may be good. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Is this an even week or not so good? I'm never going to calm that, but that's really good.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

It's just a really good nickname.

[Cousin Sal]

Drake maybe. I'm sorry. I mean, we haven't done my team yet. Plenty of names you can call them.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like that might stick unless he can shake it.

[Cousin Sal]

Come on, maybe let's do it. Have some fun out there, kids.

[Bill Simmons]

Just don't have your one terrible play half. I'm a, I'm a complete believer. I have an incredible amount of Drake Mystock, but he just can't help it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, man.

[Bill Simmons]

That'S tough.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[Bill Simmons]

Rogers can only do two things at this point. He can do the quick backpedal, quick throw. That's either like a short wide receiver pass or to a tight end 3 yards in front of him and he can do the three step drop, quick back shoulder, 20 yard throw and he can't do anything else. And he's. If you're pressuring him, he's just going to get rid of the ball. I was not impressed by him. I didn't think he was very good today, but he did enough to, to, to kind of hang around and get 21 points.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. You made things extraordinarily easy for them. I mean, yeah, just barely top 200.

[Bill Simmons]

Total yards, couple big. Any incompletion. He's doing this for the flag. Like he, you know, and then like he got three of them. Um, it was very fr. It was a very frustrating Game. I can't believe that Drake made nickname. Unbelievable.

[Cousin Sal]

I shouldn't have said it to you. I feel like a bad friend now.

[Bill Simmons]

Jesus. Why don't you come up with a nickname for my kids now?

[Cousin Sal]

Okay, I'll work on it. Maybe.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh my God. I still believe. All right. You're stupid team.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh no.

[Bill Simmons]

You revived Caleb's. Caleb's career. He had a massive fantasy day. Your defense has given up twelve 25 yard plus pass plays in the last two games.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it's.

[Bill Simmons]

You fell for the worst flea flicker I've ever seen.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, it's still hanging in the air.

[Bill Simmons]

It was like an alley hoop.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it was like flicking a feather. That's the flip. Yeah, it just never came down. We. I've been my cowboys friend text chain and we're trying to remember if there was a. If this is the worst defense we've seen in decades. And it really might be. It really might be. There was the Nolan. There was a couple of bad ones, But I mean 385 yards and 57 plays. I did a little math. That's seven yards of play. And it seemed like so much more. And the fact that does everyone just embarrass their old coordinator? Like, you know, Ben Johnson was embarrassed by Detroit. Should we keep this in mind for gambling purposes? Like Chicago embarrassed neighbor flu. So, you know, congrats. You gave Caleb Williams his best game since he was a sophomore at usc. I hate it. I hated it.

[Bill Simmons]

Dunze is good. He. I think he's been. He's definitely made a leap up this season.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Luther Burden, you know the fleet by 15 yards.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Kenny Clark, who we got from Micah Parsons. He's out. He came back. Trayvon Diggs. I don't even know who's good anymore. Honestly, I get like bummed if these guys are out. But we are going to be exciting though. You're going to see a lot of the same game over and over.

[Bill Simmons]

The problem is as soon as CD Lamb went out, the game was over.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Because you have this top heavy team. You already traded Parsons. Now you just have Dak and CD you take him out. You. There were guys I'd never heard of. What you reckon is good?

[Cousin Sal]

Pickens is all right, right? Like he's a very solid number two. If CD could stay on the field. And Javante Williams, you know, he fumbled, but that's been a surprise too. So what's our record going to be?

[Bill Simmons]

What's your record going to be? Fandom has the regular season wins 11 they still.

[Cousin Sal]

They have it up already, huh? Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

You can go under six and a half wins is plus one 20.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think six and 11 is right.

[Bill Simmons]

Under five and a half is plus 220.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, I'd have to find five wins for them.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know. I don't think they're there. Five more.

[Bill Simmons]

Is CD Going to be hurt for a couple weeks.

[Cousin Sal]

He says he's playing Sunday. He says he's going to play.

[Bill Simmons]

Miami. Under four and a half wins is plus 165.

[Cousin Sal]

It's pretty good, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Under five and a half is minus 120. I don't. Are they getting the six wins, the Miami Dolphins?

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, do you want to wait on that? They're home for the jets on Monday night.

[Bill Simmons]

For them to get to six wins, that means they're six and eight the rest of the way. Is that team going six and eight?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that's. No, no, no, no.

[Bill Simmons]

I have so many Miami futures already that I just. I can't put more on it against them.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But don't worry. I'll give it all back with Denver.

[Cousin Sal]

You know what's great with Tua?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

First of all, he throws like he has a bomb attached to his chest. Like, I. I know exactly where the timer is, and I got to get rid of it. But, you know, there were quarterbacks throwing.

[Bill Simmons]

It in the ocean.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Like Jimmy G. Who are the guys who would, like, throw the hospital balls? Like, even Peyton towards the end of his career, James, he does this. He does it with running backs. I've never seen it with running backs before, but he'll have a chain, like, flaring out, and, like, that's clearly the option, but doesn't get him the ball for a good five Mississippi count. And then he just gets blown up in the backfield. Like, he's throwing these passes for minus yards. It's remarkable what he's doing to it.

[Bill Simmons]

He also does this Jedi mind trick on the announcers because he seems like he's in command.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

At one point, Herb Street's like, I really like what I'm seeing from Tua. He's really got. He's got command of this game. I really. And he was like, four yards of throw right. 30. 30 attempts for 118 yards. Herb Street's praising him. Then he throws an interception and triple coverage to end the game. But there's something about the rhythm of how he plays that you feel like it's going better than it actually is. Then you look at the stats you're like oh this is going terribly.

[Cousin Sal]

He had the one great drive at the end of the second quarter and that was it. Otherwise it's, you know Tyreek Hill has his issues too but he's like basically hugging the goal post and 70 yards behind him to has just completed a three yard pass.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm not going to keep doing this.

[Bill Simmons]

Three blowouts. Washington killed the Raiders. Vegas taking Gente at six is starting to look a little gamey.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

When you think like Membo and the jets and and the right tackle that the saint or the left tackle. The Saints took Banks and then the the the Raiders can't block Vikings Bengals was a blowout. Five Bengals turnovers, two for TDs. That I think the the yeah the biggest thing with this is Chase was going first in some leagues he was certainly the first wide receiver but in auctions he was in the 50s.

[Cousin Sal]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

In any Snake draft he was 1, 2 or 3. I don't know that site. If we were doing fantasy drafts over again I don't think he's one of the top eight or nine picks without.

[Cousin Sal]

Burrow it's Jake Brown. I mean and there was too much fantasy murder. Oh yeah for sure. And I felt Jefferson's in the same boat but there was a ton of Jake Browning love this week. Like yeah, you would have thought it was Jake from State Farm the way they the football pundits were like just going on and on about him and what did he do? He was 19 for 27, 142 interceptions.

[Bill Simmons]

I had that game on the multi view for a while and there were a few kind of showing him on the sidelines and it was a little deer in the headlight scene. Now granted he's in Minnesota, they're blitzing him, they're doing all this stuff.

[Cousin Sal]

How do you. Don't you have two multi views going. There were nine games this and they're always slow.

[Bill Simmons]

I did, I settled on. I had the four.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Then I had two. I had a split. So I had two on one TV and then I had Rams Eagles on the other TV so I had seven. I just punted on two games.

[Cousin Sal]

Am I the only lunatic?

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't watch commander's Raiders at all.

[Cousin Sal]

But why. No, that was kind of the one.

[Bill Simmons]

I dropped whatever the blowout game. I got rid of that immediately. I never watched that again.

[Cousin Sal]

Why doesn't. Maybe I'm the only one who wants this but even DirecTV had the eight box come on YouTube you can get that going or a six or something. Six. Not bad.

[Bill Simmons]

The problem with red zone is I feel. I hate when the red zone is ahead of the game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Sometimes red zone and they'll show it, but that then it's like behind in the box that I've been watching everything. So I'll get rid of it. Seahawks, Saints. Nothing happened there other than the Seahawks might have the makings of a top five defense. It's, it's, it's. I'm not saying they're a top five defense, but there's some, some meat, some meat in that dish. And there's a Darnold Geno seesaw right now. Where Week one. Oh, Gino. Oh, darn. And now it's like right now it's Darnold and Gino's way down here. And I just feel like it's gonna keep doing probably poor.

[Cousin Sal]

Pete Carroll turned 74 on Monday. Bad. Not a great six days.

[Bill Simmons]

So maybe old coaches, maybe this isn't a good thing to have a coach in your mid-70s because you watch Carolina and Belichick and then Pete Carroll. Like, maybe there's the shelf life, which we could have told people because we've watched it happen with our own dads, of course.

[Cousin Sal]

And we get excited because they were one and. Oh, right. I mean, it'd be your team. You didn't get too excited, but. And Carol's like chewing gum faster than you've ever seen before. Doing push ups with the defensive line and stuff like, ah, this guy, he's 36. Doesn't matter, but it's the team. I think you're right. Chanty maybe wasn't the right pick.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe it was a luxury pick for a team that was five, six players away. Yeah, that's it.

[Cousin Sal]

That's exactly it. You get that running back when you're. You're a playoff team. You do it when you're the Chargers.

[Bill Simmons]

You take hampton because you're close. You have a lot of talent.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, we'll take a break. We'll do guest lines. All right. Cuz week four, you beat me first two weeks. I beat you last week. Thursday night Cards, Seahawks. It's in Arizona. And I think this is a good game. I'm actually like relatively excited to see what happens in this one. It'll be a defensive affair. I have the. I put this in the tic tac zone. Cardinals by one and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Man. I put it in a tic tac zone too, but I thought Seattle would be favored by one and a half. You actually Nailed it. It's the Cardinals at home by one and a half. But I guess that makes sense because San Francisco couldn't pull off a three or two against them. I don't know, I think Arizona maybe slaps him around a little in a stupid game, but I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

We have an Ireland game.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, you knew it.

[Bill Simmons]

Well I only knew it because the ringer fantasy guys are going there, we're doing some shows and that's how I found out. Yeah, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You're writing a check for them to get on a plane.

[Bill Simmons]

Writing a check so I can remember that there's an Ireland game. I was thinking today, I don't know if it wore me down but now I kind of wish we had more 6:30 in the morning Pacific games. I could have used one today. I woke up because I was in Boston for a long time and I came back and I was just kind of up at 6:30. I'm like I wish we were in London right now with the Jags and the Browns just watching some terrible football.

[Cousin Sal]

Can I, can I sell you on 7am? I know if it's overtime it but it overlaps with the early and nobody wants that but oh to throw in.

[Bill Simmons]

Like have a little multi view action.

[Cousin Sal]

Well just 7am and not 6:30. Like 6:30. I feel like a degenerate, like a bad father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

[Bill Simmons]

Seven'S okay. You can sell me on seven.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay, let's do that.

[Bill Simmons]

I have Steelers in a pick em. I have this as an actual pick em. Steelers pick em. Vikings.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know who gets it. I guess you do. I said, I said Steelers minus two. Yeah, it's Vikings minus one and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh great. That was really well played by me.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know. I guess that's right. I don't know man. Rogers McCarthy will be out. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

From what I saw today from that Steelers team, this should be a nice matchup for the Vikings defense. But who knows.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Sunday marquee Ravens Chiefs in Kansas City. It's sad to make the Casey. We keep complaining about how we're tired of watching them and yet they're clearly the marquee game in this. This would be a good game, right? I have the Ravens favored in this game and I have the Ravens favored by two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh come on. Is this how it's going to be? I said two and I thought I was a genius. I'm like oh, people going to say Bill's going to say Kansas City's favorite. It's three. So you get it.

[Bill Simmons]

Jesus.

[Cousin Sal]

They love fanduel Vegas. They love the Ravens, love the power ranking.

[Bill Simmons]

It's tough when the Chiefs are trotting out two guys. The pat's wave. That's their starting receivers. Like it's just this. They're their starting receivers. JuJu Smith, Schuster and Taekwond Thornton. It's like everyone said how terrible our receivers were. We weigh both of those guys. Not great.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they're Chiefs. Well, if the Ravens give up 3540 to Detroit, I don't think they will tomorrow. And then we'll know that's pretty much their defense. Right. If two good teams are doing that to them. But I think it's a fair line.

[Bill Simmons]

I have four watchables starting with the Eagles at Tampa. And so we have. Mike Evans has had his annual hamstring injury which in our, in our league that weren't together the knockout league. I of course have Mike Evans.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Who always goes $10 less than he should because nobody wants to have him when he has the injury and he's gone for four weeks. But then the price hit a point where I was like, I'm just taking him. I'll get 10 good weeks out of him. Well, the hamstring injury happened.

[Cousin Sal]

He'll get to a thousand yards. He always does. Even if he needs 800 for the playoffs.

[Bill Simmons]

Worfs is coming back and apparently Godwin's coming back too. And oh I, we kind of forgot to talk about that game. Which is my fault. Tampa has now had three game winning drives and three. They're three. No with three game winning drives. And, and he's so exciting.

[Cousin Sal]

He is so excited. Baker, he's great.

[Bill Simmons]

Really is.

[Cousin Sal]

And I didn't even think Tyrod Taylor was bad. Like he threw a costly pick six like with 20 seconds left in the half and that ended up being the, the difference. And but I think like Bowles kind of screwed up and let the jets back in it. Yeah. And then their guy was the only one to make a field goal in that early slot and they won.

[Bill Simmons]

I think he's become my favorite non Patriots QB to watch because they always, you know, he's. It's always exciting. The other team's always dropping interceptions that he's throwing them or he'll make some great play. He'll start talking shit to people at the end of games. You always feel like he can come through. I don't know. I like him too.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, not that he needs a Nick, everyone needs a nickname. But he's like a 1pm Savior. Right. Like he's always alive in the fourth quarter.

[Bill Simmons]

King of the multi dude.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Right. Just that early slate that normally sucks. You know you can count on him.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So I have Eagles minus two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

All right. I got to make a comeback here. I don't know if I can. I said Eagles one. That was dumb. It's three, two, three and oh, teams. Let's do it.

[Bill Simmons]

Also two minus threes. We haven't had a lot of those in guests. Right. Falcons home for Washington. No idea if Jaden Daniels is playing. I think the Falcons are going to be one of these teams that. There's the home Falcons line and then there's the road Falcons line. We don't have a lot of these. I have Falcons minus one and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Man, I could have stole this from you. But my. My guess was even worse. I said Falcons minus two and a half. It's Washington minus three.

[Bill Simmons]

Whoa. Okay.

[Cousin Sal]

Five and oh. I guess it's two and a half now. Either way you get it. Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you think the reason is for that?

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know. And it's.

[Bill Simmons]

This is married so bad.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes, but.

[Bill Simmons]

No but it's Mariota though. Unless we hear differently. So they must think Daniels is coming back.

[Cousin Sal]

I like, you know, Washington. I guess they had that game in hand. But they give up some big plays too. Like Trey tucker. Still scoring 50 yard touchdown as we speak. Yeah, that's a weird one.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we have three home dogs already just pointing that out. Rams. Rams home for the Colts. I really wanted to do Rams by three on this, but I think the Colts get a half point of respect. So I went Rams minus two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay. I got this. Exactly. It's three and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Not a lot of respect for that.

[Cousin Sal]

I wish I wasn't so, so angry at the Rams. Cause this would be. I would be all over this. I might still. But I don't know. I don't know if I can forgive. I don't have a few.

[Bill Simmons]

I know we talk about this every year, but the worst gambling beat of all time was the Music City Miracle. I think we decided this like 10 years ago.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That was number one because it was a playoff game. Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It not only swung it, but it also swung the line. Wasn't it? It was like Buffalo by five or something.

[Cousin Sal]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So that not only did they lose, but.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I don't think the miracle. I think it was an LA miracle that I didn't have money on it here at My home. I think that's why it didn't hurt as much.

[Bill Simmons]

Niners, Jaguars. So I assume Brock Purdy. But the Niners have had a bunch of injuries and I. I don't know why I went low on this, but it felt the right thing to do. Niners minus three and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, you jerk. I thought you were going to go even lower. I said four. It is three and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, man, I'm. This is a good sign for my gambling when I'm. I'm on it with the lines.

[Cousin Sal]

Good for you.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe I'm fine. Maybe I'm finally in my shit together.

[Cousin Sal]

That's.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a fair line. Because the jets, there's backdoor touchdown potential with the Jags.

[Cousin Sal]

The stupid Jags. Could have been three and oh, like, how do they blow that Bengals game? Kind of dumb.

[Bill Simmons]

Fairly watchables Lions home for the Browns. And I just don't think the Browns can be a double digit underdog anymore. So I went, I went. I went nine and a half for this. That was as high as I wanted to.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow, you are just edging me out. I thought they could be a double digit underdog. I had ten and it's eight and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, you got it. Their defense is too good. I don't. I don't think you can spot them that many points.

[Cousin Sal]

But if Detroit loses, this, this can't be a game that they screw around with, right? If they lose tomorrow, this is. All right, well, we'll talk. We'll talk turkey and Caesars.

[Bill Simmons]

We always try not to overreact after three weeks, but that Browns team seems like. I was reading some of the quotes after. It's kind of an adult team. It's weird. Like Flacco was talking about. We went all week. We just talked about playing complimentary football. Complimentary football.

[Cousin Sal]

Adult team.

[Bill Simmons]

For three hours we played complimentary football. And that's why we won. It's like, wow, that's a adult explanation.

[Cousin Sal]

Joe Flacco. But.

[Bill Simmons]

But yeah, they play defense. They don't beat themselves. They can run the ball a little bit with Judkins now their offensive line's okay. They have a couple half decent receivers and they get stops on defense. Like they've done this now. They held the Bengals to 17 with Burrow.

[Cousin Sal]

I can't believe this.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm just saying. They held the Bengals to 17.

[Cousin Sal]

Could have been shut out today.

[Bill Simmons]

And they held the packers to 10.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that I saw. Yeah. Yeah, the defense is good. I don't know. I just, like I said Flacco's thrown 100 times and they end up with like 17 points at the end.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm not defending that. Okay, here is the let's be careful out there game of the week. Chargers at the Giants. After what we saw today, I don't see how this isn't at least Chargers by six. And I'm going to say Chargers by six and a half at the.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, good. Okay. You get. Left the door open there. I said five. It's five and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Vegas owned us.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm not. Yeah. Three and over zone three. I don't know. It's only an hour since we saw how miserable they were, but this is not. If this game was like December 2nd. Oh, my God. Chargers are going to get tripped up.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't have that feeling right now with them.

[Bill Simmons]

What do we call week four is the makeup mirror week?

[Cousin Sal]

The makeup mirror.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Well, you know those mirrors that our wives have? When you turn the light on, you can see all the. All the things on your face, just everything. It's like the crazy microscope view of your face.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I think week four, you kind of know. We kind of know what the weaknesses are.

[Cousin Sal]

It's the Cordwell. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

With the Chargers, Hampton, really? They're only running back now that Harris is out. Offensive line just shaky enough that the Giants could. Could probably pressure Herbert and do some stuff. Chargers on the road. This is a game that Chargers should win, but it's very similar to that Packers Browns game.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like, oh, if you're a really good team, you should win this. And then you don't.

[Cousin Sal]

I guess so. I think Russ is. If that defense plays like they did against who they play on Monday night last week, what was that they played?

[Bill Simmons]

The Raiders.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't think Russ is going to be able to move this ball too much.

[Bill Simmons]

Do we see Russ, you think this.

[Cousin Sal]

Is where they switch it? Huh?

[Bill Simmons]

I would do it. I thought when Dart came in for those little option stuff, I just. They were immediately more dangerous for me.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Because of his athleticism. I would do it. I would just. I don't know what they're waiting for.

[Cousin Sal]

The fans are booing because they drafted a number. You know, they have a first round quarterback. Like. No, they're booing because they're New York. This is New York. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

This is what they do. They do.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Mike, he came right in. He made friends with everybody. He loves being on the practice squad. They just love Jackson Dart.

[Cousin Sal]

He might have set a pass rush Record today, tonight. I think I heard 25 when I wasn't even playing.

[Bill Simmons]

Had that all 22 camera.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And they were showing how Abdul Carter was like combo spy assassin.

[Cousin Sal]

That's great.

[Bill Simmons]

Where he was like kind of rushing but also ready to be the spy. I've never seen a defensive lineman used that way. It was really interesting how they use it because usually that's just like a pure linebacker.

[Cousin Sal]

Now I want to look for defensive rookie of the year. They might not have it up.

[Bill Simmons]

He's a beast.

[Cousin Sal]

He's right there.

[Bill Simmons]

That kid in the Niners has a chance too. What are the odds for defensive rookie of the year?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm not seeing it now. They only have offensive up right now.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, they took it down because they knew we were going to talk about it. Next one. Texans Titans. I can honestly say I might skip this for the multi view or even like any TV next week.

[Cousin Sal]

No, you're gonna have too much money on them. You can't.

[Bill Simmons]

You're gonna skip this on money on who? I'm not betting this game.

[Cousin Sal]

Texans. No, this is their season. That's it. This is. They're a crossover for the divisionettes. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's in Houston. I'm going to say Texans by five and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, I get this. I said six and a half. It is seven and a half. Do I have a chance? Seven three. You're winning.

[Bill Simmons]

Come on. Who's laying that many points for the team that can't run the ball or score?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, you get. You get a free six with Cam.

[Bill Simmons]

I guess they are going against Tommy boy.

[Cousin Sal]

Right? Tommy boy.

[Bill Simmons]

New guy's puking his guts out.

[Cousin Sal]

Fat guy with a little coat. Don't do it, Tommy boy. The Titans need you.

[Bill Simmons]

Raiders. Bears. Wow. Somebody's favored by one and a half. Where is this? I'm going to say it's in Vegas and I'm going to say Vegas by one and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Damn. You got it. You got it. I said two. One and a half. Vegas. Exactly one and a half. Yep. Mm. Both one and two.

[Bill Simmons]

Kind of a kitchen sink game for the Raiders.

[Cousin Sal]

Someone's going to win and people are going to talk about the winner being in the playoff contention. Can we write that down that we're not going to be that one of those people?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, let's not do that. Yeah, I do have something. Speaking of the Raiders and Tom Brady because I had Tom Brady for a decent chunk of the game because he was doing one of the late games. J.J. watt was so much better than him as an announcer. J.J. watt was fucking fantastic. Have you actually listened to one of his games? That was the first time I'd heard. Because he did Steelers Pats.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, he's actually.

[Bill Simmons]

He was just awesome. Like, he was laying out. He was immediately picking out whatever had happened on the line for every single play. Whatever happened, he was like, well, you know what? They missed that. The right tackle missed it and that allowed. And they didn't chip him, but it was all, like, very accessible. He's not that funny. There's not, like a massive sense of humor with him. So Ian Eagle was really working hard because he's a funny guy, and I think he can start pulling it out more and more, but from observation, analysis, he was lights up.

[Cousin Sal]

I really, really mustache. That's how much the comedy was lacking. He had this crazy. I don't know if he.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that was because of this. It was. Because it was 70s throwback.

[Cousin Sal]

Right, right, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's it.

[Cousin Sal]

So that's where it was. But no, he was excellent. He doesn't take himself seriously. Right. No, but he got that. But he's. He speaks on our level. He's good.

[Bill Simmons]

Because I was, as a Pats fan, I'm like, Great, we got J.J. watt. His brother's out there. We're gonna have to do this brother thing. But he. He, like, kind of really went against it. There was only one time when TJ Watt got held on a fourth down and he's like, oh, they got away with a hold. I don't know how he saw it from the booth, griped away. And then they do the all 22 and it's like, clearly gets hold, like. But he's just. He was seeing everything, and I just. I. I thought he really helped me enjoy the game. Like, I learned shit from him.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So kudos to him. I hope he keeps doing it while you're learning. Yeah. Who's your. Who's your. Buck and Aikman are the number one right now.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, you're biased. Your friends.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You gotta stay out of it.

[Cousin Sal]

He's got like a five foot stand up right behind him.

[Bill Simmons]

I know this is a bad topic for you.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But Eagle and Watt is in the conversation now.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Collins are Tariqa. I really like.

[Cousin Sal]

They're all good. I don't think we had five good teams.

[Bill Simmons]

Greg Olson's good.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, we're very good. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And Brady. It's okay. I just feel like him and Burkhardt, it's not. Something's missing and I don't know what it is, and maybe it's the fact that Brady's doing 17 other things.

[Cousin Sal]

I feel like he's going to grow on me eventually. I'm gonna. Yeah, this is good. Yeah, I think so. I just. We've. You and I have seen some long form stuff with him. Like, there was a 30 for 30 on the tuck rule. He was great. I mean.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean that one.

[Bill Simmons]

The more time he has, the better he is. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I mean, that's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

One thing I've noticed with him, because I don't think he's bad. I do think he brings some stuff to the table, but a lot of times he's better coming out of the timeout when they can go like with like a big wide shot of the play and he's like, watch what? And he'll like, actually like, really lay it out. I think he has problem in the moment when a play, like dissecting it immediately. But when he has a little time, he's really good.

[Cousin Sal]

Coach Tommy boy has the exact opposite problem. Very bad. Coming out of the timeout to play a game. Lights out. Everywhere else.

[Bill Simmons]

He was doing the crispr, like, oh, God damn.

[Cousin Sal]

Holy schnikes.

[Bill Simmons]

How did I do that?

[Cousin Sal]

We turned it over again.

[Bill Simmons]

Poop factor, Bill. Saints. Yikes. Saints were just. Wow.

[Cousin Sal]

Bills are favored. I'll give you a hint. I'll give you a clue there. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Saints in pole position now is the worst team in the league.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So it's either 14 or 14 and a half. We haven't seen a line this high and I kept it at 14 because of the bill's defense. So I bills by 14.

[Cousin Sal]

You're going to love this. No, it has to be higher because they were 12 and a half against the Dolphins. At least they have a pulse. I said 15 and a half. It's 16 and a half. That's a good number. Good number.

[Bill Simmons]

Holy moly.

[Cousin Sal]

So let me read this to you. Spencer Rattler is 09 now as a starter.

[Bill Simmons]

Has anyone gone 0 and 10?

[Cousin Sal]

There are two guys who have been 0 and 15. So he's got a little way to go, I think. You want to guess or is it too.

[Bill Simmons]

This had to be from like when we were kids?

[Cousin Sal]

No, definitely. Since we were we. One of them we gave a pretty good nickname to.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, it was a Kaiser. Kaiser Soze. That's the one.

[Cousin Sal]

Deshaun Kaiser. So say was 0 and 15 and Chris Wanke is the other. He was before Chris Wankey.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he went 0 and 15.

[Cousin Sal]

I didn't know he had that many starts in him like I guess he did. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Honestly, if you told me over under for Chris Wanke starts, I would have guessed like seven.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Oh, and 15.

[Bill Simmons]

So did he ever get a win or. No.

[Cousin Sal]

Can Rattler get there that I didn't look up? I just. How I got to look this up now?

[Bill Simmons]

How did Chris Winkey. Where was I? You were even doing.

[Cousin Sal]

You had skipped those two years.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like we were even doing pods back then. We knew each other then.

[Cousin Sal]

We did.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

He drafted in 2001, but then he.

[Bill Simmons]

Started in 06 and 07. All right, so he finished 2 and.

[Cousin Sal]

18 as a starter and he lasted like five seasons.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he was gone for three and then came back. Then the other one was Kaiser.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean.

[Cousin Sal]

A lot, man.

[Bill Simmons]

He never had a win. Oh, 15 career.

[Cousin Sal]

He didn't get there. Really. Oh, he's got to come back 0.

[Bill Simmons]

And 15 when the 2017 Browns and then played three more games off the bench for the packers but. But didn't start.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I mean the Cowboys will start him. Right. Maybe could take a backseat for one game. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

His quarterback rating was 60 and a half. 58.9 for his career. He had 11 touchdowns and 22 picks in 2017 and then another two picks in 2018. So he finished with 11 touchdowns and 24 picks.

[Cousin Sal]

That's pretty good. Yeah. We loved it. We loved it when he moved in. I think we were making money betting against them. We must have been.

[Bill Simmons]

We actually were. I remember. Yeah. We don't have a Kaiser, so maybe Rattler could be the new Kaiser.

[Cousin Sal]

Will. Will they leave him in long enough? Right. Who's.

[Bill Simmons]

Who's.

[Cousin Sal]

Who's knocking on his door? Haner. And nobody like Tyler Shuck. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Tyler Shuck.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I think they can maybe give him that many starts. Good luck, Spencer.

[Bill Simmons]

My other poop factor. Patriots home again for the Panthers. This is a loser leaves town match and it might just be two losers. I have the Patriots favored by three.

[Cousin Sal]

Let me see if this changed. Patriots at home, right? Yeah. Four and a half. I had three also. You had three. You said three. We both got it.

[Bill Simmons]

So I won for the week.

[Cousin Sal]

Is that it? There's three more games.

[Bill Simmons]

I had a big lead for you. Oh, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

It's over. It's over. No, Green Bay, Dallas. There's two more. Two Monday.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, there's two Monday.

[Cousin Sal]

You should get docked four games of not knowing there were two Monday.

[Bill Simmons]

What's the other Monday game?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, since.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that got cut off. My thing. Yeah, I had a guess for that.

[Cousin Sal]

You'Re going to win anyway. You got it anyway. Nine, two, five. Damn. Jacoby.

[Bill Simmons]

Mojo back your number one fan. Okay, Sunday night Packers at coboys. The Michael Parsons game. Jerry Jones, who's this interview with? You think Dungy. Who does he sit down with? What NBC person sit down with the Clapper.

[Cousin Sal]

Doesn't that make the most sense?

[Bill Simmons]

Clapper.

[Cousin Sal]

They deserve each other at this point.

[Bill Simmons]

I was watching college football on Saturday and there was like a weather delay in the Notre Dame game, and Jason Garrett had to fill for like, I don't know, 10 minutes. It's the second time because that also happened in the NFL. I was trying to think who's. Who's less equipped to be able to fill. Yeah, the Clapper are trying to be the filler.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, they should. They shouldn't do that anymore. If there's even a threat of a 2% chance of precipitation, they should get him the hell out of there.

[Bill Simmons]

Or just like cue up Seinfeld or something. Be like, we now bring you to A Classic Season 4 Seinfeld packers sings.

[Cousin Sal]

The Indiana Jones song over on a loop.

[Bill Simmons]

I have the packers by five in Dallas.

[Cousin Sal]

We split it. I said six, and I think it should be higher. It's five and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, congratulations. There's your second leg of a teaser. I don't know who's first I met that's such a winner.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we're going to have. It's going to be a Jordan love referendum for the next couple of days on the talk shows. And then he has the Dallas defense waiting for him.

[Cousin Sal]

He does. And Micah is going to end Dax career, all that stuff. Yeah, it's going to be a fun week.

[Bill Simmons]

Monday night, Dolphins home for the Jets. Unbelievable. The Dolphins stink. And they're going to be favored in this game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And not only be favored, I think they'd be favored by two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

You got it. Exactly. I said three. It's two and a half. Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm on it this week. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to open up on the betting this week. I think I'm cheating.

[Cousin Sal]

You really did a great job. Never achieved manipulating these. Yeah, no, they're doing the thing like last week they did the Mondays. One was at 4, one was at 7 on the west Coast. Now they're like, screw that. You're going to have to watch both. One's at 7, 15, one's at 8, 15 Eastern.

[Bill Simmons]

I like that more. Yeah, I thought the two in a row on Monday night was a little much.

[Cousin Sal]

The other one's too late.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah, it was just. Come on. So I just did 10 hours on Sunday. Now I got to do another six on Monday.

[Cousin Sal]

Bring him a little closer. I mean, who did it? Was it Chris Fowler had laryngitis? Like that's how. Yeah. Was it Reese Davis or Chris Fowler? Are they the same person?

[Bill Simmons]

Chris Fowler did it like this the whole time. And then Broncos, Bengals in Denver, Jake Browning, and yet Denver, I just don't think they could be favored by more than like four and a half. So I'm going to go four and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I went even lower. I said four, seven and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, come on.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I mean, but that's also. They can't lose that game, though. Denver, they gotta. That. They just. He. We just saw what Jake the Snake did against a good defense, so.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I forgot that we were calling him Jake the Snake.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. We're tied two to two.

[Cousin Sal]

Damn. Damn. That's not fun.

[Bill Simmons]

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[Cousin Sal]

All right, mine, it's just gonna be a short one, but it's. So my family and I spent some time with our cousin Jimmy Kimmel and his family the other night after a tumultuous week to.

[Bill Simmons]

A good word for it. Yeah, yeah, I'd say that.

[Cousin Sal]

And the kids, my kids, I think. I think they felt weird approaching him at first. And my middle guy, Jack, who's a junior in high school, breaks the ice and says in his deadpan way, says, hey, some kids at school say it's not right what happened to you, and then just leaves it there. Like, I'm really, like, really? And so. And Jimmy says, well, what did you say? He's like, I said, yeah, I think you're right. And Jimmy's like, well, next time tell them I'm not too worried about what happens. My cousin Jimmy is an excellent dancer and Jack was stone faced taking it in and nodded like, okay. And I guarantee tomorrow he's going to take this literally and. And say this to high schoolers. There's no doubt about. I guarantee. Guarantee it. So there you go, he's.

[Bill Simmons]

Answer. We were. Your kids. You're getting. They're getting this in school?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah, they're getting.

[Bill Simmons]

My kids were getting it. And your kids are actually related to Jimmy?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. They're younger. I mean, you know, it's just a quick angle. That's all I have to say right now. I can't really say anything. You and I. I know too much.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we're. We both know too much, and we're. Yeah, we both know too much. And we. Not only. Not only our cousin, but all the people working for the show. And it's better if we're not talking about this in any way.

[Cousin Sal]

When I can, I will. I think you wrapped it up pretty well the other day. I didn't listen, but someone told me what you said didn't sound too stupid, so. Good.

[Bill Simmons]

Didn't listen. That certain.

[Cousin Sal]

No, I listen. I listen. No, it was good.

[Bill Simmons]

I hope it works out.

[Cousin Sal]

Wouldn't that be nice?

[Bill Simmons]

I hope it has a nice, happy ending in some fashion. We'll see. Yeah. We'd probably talk about it more if we knew what was going to happen. And I think we're too far under the hood in this one, so it's better that we don't really talk about it. So my mom has really taken it up a level with the texts and just sends me these random ones, including one on Monday where she's asked me at the weekend and then texted about the podcast. Watching you and Sal, what happened to your right eye?

[Cousin Sal]

Who? Oh, no.

[Bill Simmons]

And I'm like, I don't know. I'm in Boston. My contacts. She's like, looked like your eyelid was bruised in the inside corner, and I was bloodshot. Thought Carrie threw another shoe at you. So this is a story. When my wife and I were living together in Boston, where we weren't even engaged, I lived in this apartment where we put all our stairs in the. You walked in the door and we put all our stairs at the bottom, and then you would. This is when I lived in Charlestown. Then you would walk up the stairs to where the room was. So my wife was up ahead of me. We had just gone out to dinner and had a couple drinks, and she didn't realize I was behind her. And she was. Took off her shoes and she whipped the shoe back, but I was actually coming around the corner of the thing, and she nailed me in the eye. And my mom has been bringing this up now for 27 years. Like, it was like a domestic violence incident carried through like She's. I don't think she's ever really fully believed the story.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think she's waiting for you to break down and tell her the truth one day.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like, well, you know, you know, remember that time? Well, here's what actually happened. And this is really what happened. It was. She's at the top of the stairs. She was kicked off her shoe kicked it down, and it just like nailed me in the eye.

[Cousin Sal]

Damn. But you didn't have any cameras.

[Bill Simmons]

My mom's brought it up once a year ever since, so somehow, yet again, it came up. And she also has had a lot of thoughts about our cousin that I'm not going to. About the treatment that I'm not going to read in. But she's been weighing in a lot on text lately.

[Cousin Sal]

She thinks other people should get kicked in the eye.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think the texting with our moms, you know, the. With the technology was dicey there for a while.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And then they started to go on Facebook. Your mom was big on Facebook. My mom was more of a reader of Facebook. And the text were always like incoherent misspellings. But now they're just like, very direct, like, what's going on with this? Or like some crazy comment or Bill Maher's dead to me. Or like just like, just very direct stuff. And I've really enjoyed her text.

[Cousin Sal]

Do you get a lot of AI? I'm getting a ton of AI stuff from my mother. Like, look at this. Like just then, just videos that are clearly not. Some of them are tough to distinguish, but it'll be like Jimmy talking, like, no, he hasn't said anything about this. What do you. What? Come on, stop. But yeah, that, that part could.

[Bill Simmons]

There was a great Belichick, whatever her name is video.

[Cousin Sal]

The Yesterday Jordan.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, well, because they were. There was video of her going on the sidelines talking.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

So of course, my. My. All my past fans were just like, wow, this. Could this be going worse?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, this is the greatest NFL coach of all time. This has been the most humiliating year ever. He's getting his ass kicked in these games. He's got this 25 year old coming on the sidelines when he's trying to coach. Like, how did he get to this point? But there was this AI thing where they're talking and then all of a sudden they start making out. And I actually believed it for a split second. I was like, oh, my God, what's he doing? And then I was like, oh, this is AI. They got me but we're going to hit a point where it has to say AI in the corner. Right.

[Cousin Sal]

It would.

[Bill Simmons]

It's going to have to start to put like. It has to be like watermarked AI. It's too easy now to fake this stuff.

[Cousin Sal]

Right, right, right. Yeah. I want to see one of Jordan kicking her heels off and one hitting Bill in the eye and the other Bill. Bella, check right. See what that looks like.

[Bill Simmons]

My mom's still investigating this. It's like a date night NBC.

[Cousin Sal]

So what did you say to her with that particular comment?

[Bill Simmons]

Did you say, I think I just. I'm old and I slept wrong and I don't know my. I don't know what happened. It was like there was nothing. No, Carrie didn't throw another shoe at me. I'm fine. Anyway, that is Parent Corner brought to you by Scout Motors. Join the waitlist for the Scout Taren Scout [e-mail] Concept vehicles not available for sale. Features and performance specifications are preliminary, subject to change. Joining the wait list does not guarantee purchase. Visit scoutmotors.com for details. So, yeah, should be an interesting week ahead. Yeah, we'll see how it goes.

[Cousin Sal]

I wish I could say anything. There are a couple bombshells still there, so I'm feeling good. Yeah, we're going to be all right. Everything's going to be just fine.

[Bill Simmons]

I think we'll be fine. You know, I'm not betting against our cousin. Yeah, he'll be fine. Whatever he wants to do. Hey, listen, he might. He might just want to be a pop up chef. Just start making barbecue around. Around the South Bay area. He'll do a great job, whatever.

[Cousin Sal]

Happy?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah, he'll be fine. Anything you want to plug before we go?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, bring your gambling show all week long. You catch me with Tate on Tuesday, you can catch me house in the Bundo on Wednesday. And then I'm with the Bundo and Heifetz on Friday and Ryan Fitzpatrick will join us as well on Friday. So that's going to be fun.

[Bill Simmons]

I zoomed into that Wednesday show with you in the Bundo. I was power walk around Boston and I was outraged. I just. Jack patched me and all of a sudden I was on the show.

[Cousin Sal]

The Bundle wouldn't. He passed on the Thursday night game. We spent 10 minutes previewing the Thursday night game and he passed on. You can't pass on the one game, right?

[Bill Simmons]

He's on a gambling show where you have to give picks.

[Cousin Sal]

You were worked up. You had that busted eye and everything. And walking streets of Boston.

[Bill Simmons]

Carrie just hit me with a shoe.

[Cousin Sal]

It was like. Nice working with you at the Bundo. I think you have to make picks on these gambling shows.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, pretty sure it's the games tomorrow night. It's the only NFL game with like a pick. Yeah. He wouldn't even do the over for the Miami total.

[Cousin Sal]

That's what I did.

[Bill Simmons]

That's.

[Cousin Sal]

That was my. He wasn't even doing that either. Yeah. Anyway, also I want to say sportsbook consigliere David Sharapan passed away this weekend. He was a really good dude. He was a fan of ours.

[Bill Simmons]

He's.

[Cousin Sal]

You know, I'm not going to pretend to be his best friend, but I'd see him in Vegas in front of him behind the counter. Worked at various sports books. We shoot the shit. Super nice fella. And one of the few, maybe the only sports gambler who seemed to be loved by everyone. Is there a sports gambler that's loved by everyone? I don't think. I think that's harder to than a three team teaser. I don't think you could do that.

[Bill Simmons]

I certainly can't think of one.

[Cousin Sal]

No. He's the only one now he's gone. Rest in parley state.

[Bill Simmons]

You know the only other thing I had for you before we go.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I haven't won our fantasy football league.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh no.

[Bill Simmons]

Since 2008. What are you, 2007? No, I just like my team this year. I feel like I might have something to share with my team.

[Cousin Sal]

Let me see. Double deuce. All right. So you're going to win by. You're going to beat Hench this week.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I have the Caleb Williams, Baker Mayfield QB combo. James Cook. I have the two Pats running back. So the ramonjo is about to get waved. So that'll be Travian Henderson going forward. I have this Ollie Gordon on my on Miami and Woody Marks on Houston. I feel like one of those is going to come on. Nico Collins, Mike Evans, Tyreek Hill. I have Brock Bowers and Tucker Kraft.

[Cousin Sal]

Not bad. That's good.

[Bill Simmons]

I am an are and Booty and. And Dobbs.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Braylon Allen and the Jets. I feel like I'm going to get lucky. I have all my fab left. I just kind of like my team this year. I like my quarterbacks. I feel like I'm going to. I feel like I can make a run.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean you're definitely going to lose this week now that you talked them up. You have a 37 point lead going up against Gibbs and Laporta.

[Bill Simmons]

But Yeah, I feel pretty good about that. 37.4 point leads. And then your team has. What do you have?

[Cousin Sal]

I have.

[Bill Simmons]

You have one H.N. and Jacobs, Jefferson, McLaurin, Garrett, Wilson. Yeah, my team's way better than yours. What?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I have Kenneth Walker on my bench. I'll figure it out.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm going to lose.

[Bill Simmons]

You have Shakir.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Who's. Who's the number one pick if we're doing a fantasy draft right now?

[Cousin Sal]

Jonathan Taylor, I think.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. Is it.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I think you're right.

[Cousin Sal]

He's got monster numbers here. I don't. Are you. How many? Aren't we in like seven leagues? I can't even.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we're doing this guillotine league, which has been. That's been really fun.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm in two guillotine leagues and two knockout leagues. Then the ringer fantasy league that I think I'm going to be in last place for.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, you are. And we had a draft. Punishments. What was your punishment?

[Bill Simmons]

I can't. It wasn't anything that bad.

[Cousin Sal]

One of them was like no coffee for a week. And you, like, almost started crying when you saw that.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do that. That would have been really tough. I think mine was scary as to throw shoe.

[Cousin Sal]

I wish I had known that story.

[Bill Simmons]

Then my mom chases it down for 27 years. Definitely I should take a video of the stairway. Like reenact it. What happened?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It wasn't great. Anyway. All right, cuz, as always, especially this week, good job by you.

[Cousin Sal]

Good job by you, buddy.

[Bill Simmons]

Thanks to Eduardo and Gahao as well. Don't forget, new rewatchables coming Monday. We did airplane Sal.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Airplane. And then prestige TV task on HBO episode three. Just broke that down. Yeah. Surely can't be serious. All right, see you next week. So see you.

[Cousin Sal]

Bye.

[Bill Simmons]

Must be 21 plus in President. Select states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President, D.C. kentucky or Wyoming. Gambling problem. Call 100 Gambler or visit rg-help.com, call 1-887-897-777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplianma.org or call 800-327-550 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny in New York.