Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast: "Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal"

Host: Bill Simmons
Co-Host: Cousin Sal
Release Date: January 20, 2025

In this episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast, hosted by Bill Simmons and featuring regular co-host Cousin Sal, the duo delves deep into the NFL's Divisional Round games. They provide comprehensive analyses of key matchups, player performances, and pivotal moments that shaped the outcomes. Additionally, personal anecdotes and lighter conversations offer listeners a well-rounded experience beyond the gridiron.

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1. Ravens vs. Bills: Lamar Jackson Under Scrutiny

Key Discussions:

• Lamar Jackson's Performance: The hosts critique Lamar Jackson's gameplay, highlighting critical mistakes that may tarnish his legacy.
• Turnovers and Missed Opportunities: Emphasis on Jackson's turnovers and their impact on the game's outcome.
• Legacy Implications: Debate on how this performance affects perceptions of Jackson as a top-tier quarterback.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [04:02]: "Lamar is not on the Karl Malone level, but he really needs one of these games to solidify."
• Cousin Sal [05:23]: "The discourse is not smarter. The discourse is garbage lately."

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2. Chiefs vs. Texans: Special Teams and Betting Insights

Key Discussions:

• Game Dynamics: Analysis of the Chiefs' and Texans' strategies, focusing on special teams' performance.
• Betting Implications: Exploration of how the game's outcome influenced betting lines and strategies.
• Turnover Impact: Discussion on how turnovers played a decisive role in the Texans' victory.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [09:36]: "If you have more turnovers than the other team, you're going to lose a game."
• Cousin Sal [10:55]: "This was one of the most unbelievable turnarounds I can remember."

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3. Eagles vs. Rams: Saquon Barkley's Stellar Play Amidst Team Struggles

Key Discussions:

• Saquon Barkley's Performance: Celebrating Barkley's exceptional gameplay and his status as one of the Eagles' greatest.
• Dropped Passes and Team Faults: Addressing critical drops by key players that affected the game's outcome.
• Team Strategy and Future Prospects: Evaluating the Eagles' strategies and what lies ahead in the playoffs.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [38:42]: "They had the perfect strategy in some parts, but they also had some really questionable plays."
• Cousin Sal [39:13]: "Four playoff wins, career-high passing in those games. That's crazy."

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4. Lions vs. Commanders: Jaden Daniels Shines as Jared Goff Falters

Key Discussions:

• Jaden Daniels' Rookie Brilliance: Highlighting Daniels' flawless performance, decision-making, and composure under pressure.
• Jared Goff's Struggles: Critiquing Goff's inconsistent gameplay and turnovers that led to the Lions' defeat.
• Comparisons to Other Rookie QBs: Positioning Daniels among the league's top rookie quarterbacks based on his playoff performance.

Notable Quotes:

• Cousin Sal [50:51]: "Jaden Daniels was great. There’s zero against him."
• Bill Simmons [56:35]: "Daniels was great. He was always doing the right thing. He's calm and never turns the ball over."

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5. Playoff Implications and Team Futures

Key Discussions:

• Chiefs and Bills' Prospects: Assessing the likelihood of both teams advancing further into the playoffs.
• Eagles and Rams' Potential: Discussing the strategic advantages and challenges facing these teams.
• Washington and Lions' Outlook: Evaluating Washington's unexpected performance and the Lions' future prospects with Jaden Daniels.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [16:07]: "So no comebacks, 10 plus, and I heart like Lamar's era, right? 2018 on."
• Cousin Sal [34:12]: "They were even stuffed to win the conference before Saturday. That's ridiculous."

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6. Personal Anecdotes: Shakey's Visit and UFC Experiences

Key Discussions:

• Visit to Shakey's: Sharing their recent trip to Shakey's Pizza, reflecting on its transformation and memories.
• UFC Attendance: Relating experiences from attending UFC events, including interactions with celebrities and the electrifying atmosphere.
• Family Moments: Talking about Harrison's puberty night event and navigating parenthood with humor and candidness.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [72:35]: "It felt like an LA sports bar. People rooting for the Rams."
• Cousin Sal [80:29]: "I think we're going to miss the excitement, but it's important."

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7. Upcoming Content and Schedule Updates

Key Discussions:

• Rewatchables Mailbag: Announcement of a new rewatchables segment coming Monday night.
• Live Event in Austin: Details about the upcoming live podcast in Austin, Texas, including ticket information and possible special guests.
• Podcast Schedule Changes: Informing listeners about potential schedule adjustments due to unexpected travel and commitments.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [26:27]: "There's songs I'm just good with now. Songs that we like, that we've grown up with that should just be banned from sports now."
• Cousin Sal [74:31]: "We have to figure out how to make it work."

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8. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Key Discussions:

• Reflection on the Season: Looking back at the NFL season's highs and lows, expressing hope and anticipation for the remaining playoff games.
• Guest Teasers: Hinting at upcoming special guests and future podcast topics.
• Final Remarks: Wrapping up the episode with humorous banter and gratitude towards listeners.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Simmons [67:05]: "This provides a comprehensive overview of the game, strategies, and player performances."
• Cousin Sal [83:56]: "We spent a lot of time together, obviously, but I was like, I'm glad we could do this."

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Summary:

In this episode, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal provide in-depth analyses of pivotal NFL Divisional Round games, focusing on standout performances, critical errors, and their implications for teams' playoff aspirations. They offer a balanced view, celebrating emerging talents like Jaden Daniels while scrutinizing seasoned players like Lamar Jackson and Jared Goff. Beyond the field, the hosts share personal stories ranging from nostalgic visits to Shakey's Pizza to memorable experiences at UFC events, injecting humor and relatability into their commentary. Announcements about upcoming segments and live events ensure listeners stay engaged with the podcast's evolving content. Overall, this episode delivers a rich blend of sports analysis and personal anecdotes, making it both informative and entertaining for fans.

Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

Coming up, the cousin and I are reacting to a Pretty wild Round 2 of the NFL Next this episode is brought to you by State Farm. State Farm helps you score an affordable price when you choose to bundle home and auto insurance with the personal price plan. Bundling home and auto, that's a pro move. Just another way you can save on your insurance needs. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Nissan. When you're younger, you're more spontaneous. You say, screw it, I'm just going to drive cross country with my buddy and we'll stop at a bunch of places and take pictures. You get older, you would never do something like that. Keep your spontaneity, my friends. Fuel your inner adventure with the first ever Nissan Rogue Rock Creek. From rocky trails to snowy roads, there are plenty of places to show off this SUV thanks to its intelligent all wheel drive. Its adventure ready design gives it a rugged flair that stands out off road Adventure calls to the first ever Nissan Rogue Rock Creek. Visit NissanUSA.com to learn more. Intelligent all wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. I have a new rewatchables coming for you on Monday night. We did a pretty expansive mailbag. It's really fun so stay tuned for that. You'll be able to watch it on Ringer Movies. By the way, we announced that the Bill Simmons Podcast is gonna be live in Austin, Texas on Wednesday, February 19th at the Paramount Theater. Tickets are on sale at theringer.com events and I'm not sure who my special guest is, but there's some really good options. So stay tuned because it's going to be fun. You missed my Thursday pod. I talked about some wildfire recovery stuff, some charities that I really liked. So the five that I mentioned the Wildlife Recovery Fund, Cal Fund.org SoCalFire Fund that is eifoundation.org LAFD Foundation Emergency Fire Fund that is supportlafd.org, worldcentralkitchenwck.org, and then Habitat for Humanity, which is habitat.org I donated to all of those. I talked about it on Thursday and if you want to help out everybody out here, that's how you can do it. So my schedule is going to be a little strange this week because I have to actually do a little unexpected traveling. So I'm not sure I'm gonna have a Tuesday night podcast, but I will have two other podcasts. So it might be a Wednesday night, Thursday night. It might be a two part on Thursday, but it's not looking like a Tuesday podcast right now. So stay tuned. I promise I'll have two more. Plus you get the rewatchables. Mailbag is coming. All right, coming up, cousin Sal and I, we went live on YouTube, which you can watch with us on Sundays. We only have two left. We'll have next week and then post Super Bowl. But you can go to the Bill Simmons YouTube channel and watch us, which is also where you get all the clips and videos. But the cousin and I reacting right after the Ravens blew it against Buffalo. That's next. First, our friends from these are the faces of two guys who just lost a decent amount of money. Cousin Sal is. Here it is Sunday night, we just watched the Ravens barely lose to the Buffalo Bills, which I guess is going to be remembered, sadly as the Mark Andrews game. Right? That'll be what we call it.

[Cousin Sal]

It was going to be. And then it maybe wasn't going to be. Right. And then he solidified it. He's like, no, no, no, this is. This is all me.

[Bill Simmons]

No, no, no, we're going to name this after me. Really good tight end, had a great career and unfortunately, big fumble, fourth quarter, big drop, two pointer. Lamar 3, 30 left, the whole legacy drive coming, you know, like whatever. Whatever happens is going to set the discourse. And where it lands is he actually comes through, they have a touchdown drive, but then they lose anyway. So I don't know. I don't know what we do with the Lamar thing. I was thinking about it though. As we were like younger when we would watch sports, we'd watch people like Karl Malone and a rod and pre 2006 Peyton Manning, people like that. And it was really fun to call people chokers and oh, this guy chokes. Oh, and this guy, when it matters, he can't show up. And it was like this really fun pre Internet thing that we would do.

[Cousin Sal]

Being at the game, you could do it. There was nothing better than putting your hands around your neck. Your own neck.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, you either came through, you didn't. You're either in this group or this group. And that's just kind of the way we talked about sports before the course got smarter. But now as I get older, I Feel like I'm rooting for people not to fall in that bucket, to not be the Karl Malone, Greg Norman, A Rod, Chris Weber. And I'm watching Lamar and I'm like, after the first two turnovers, I'm like, God damn if he loses this game. It's really hard. You're on Letdown Mountain now, and it's really hard to get off. Weren't you thinking about that?

[Cousin Sal]

I was, but I also thought the Ravens were unfairly favored in this game. Right. I thought the Bills should have gone into this game. When we did this last Sunday night, I was like, bills should be. They're a better team. They were treated like they were the 7 seed, like they had just won the NFC south, like they're getting a point and a half or whatever at home. I know it flipped from Sunday night, so I thought this is as much a problem for, you know, Josh Allen and his legacy as Lamar. But you're right, except for one thing. The discourse is not smarter. The discourse is garbage lately. It's true. Yeah, it's awful. People don't know how to watch games anymore. But I did feel bad for him, for sure. But again, it wasn't his fault. So in a way, he gets a pass, right? Except for the turnovers.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, he was the reason they could never get in front in the first place. He had. Yeah, he sailed the pick it set. They score in the first drive. Buffalo comes back and scores. Baltimore is the ball again. They just look like they're in control. The running game hasn't even gotten going yet. And then he sails a pick 20 yards over somebody's head to the safety, and they come back from commercial, and Romo's saying how this is Matt Milano. He forced that pressure. And I'm watching, I'm like, I don't think so. I think Lamar just, like, gacked the play and just sailed the play. And then later, that fumble he had when they're driving and it was a bad snap, picks it up and ends up getting stripped. But that was like, you know, that was like a Mac Jones fumble. That was like a Dorian Thompson Robinson fumble. That's like, these are the shitty quarterbacks we watched during the season. They make stupid plays like that. You're not supposed to make a play like that in this game when it's like the best quarterback in the league versus the best quarterback in the league. Neither guy is Patrick Mahomes. But it was this big showdown and just two crappy plays, and it just felt like the whole game was off. After that.

[Cousin Sal]

Can I just. I know it's more exciting to be outraged, but can I defend him and some of the others we saw turn the ball over today?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it was 12 degrees.

[Cousin Sal]

It's fucking cold. It's fucking cold out. It is. So we're on text chains of people. Like, what happened to the Eagles defense down the stretch? Why did they.

[Bill Simmons]

Why.

[Cousin Sal]

They didn't look like that at all. Well, it's cold and they're exhausted. Like, that's why they gave up the. The touchdown. The To. To for the backdoor cover and almost the touchdown to go ahead. Why isn't Henry in there every play when he's running so well? Well, it's cold, so maybe they need a break. So I think we. We forget about the human element. It's cold. The ball is so shiny, it's easier to fumble. That was a great hit by Bernard on Andrews to force the fumble. But. Right. That would be my good punch for Lamar. But it doesn't really. It doesn't really help Ravens fans right now. I know.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought they were a better team.

[Cousin Sal]

You did.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a great game. I mean, that's such a great win for Buffalo. Three turnovers to none. Buffalo. Baltimore misses both two point conversions. Two plays that I didn't like. Right. The first one felt a little rushed. Neither one of them was just, we're going to ram the ball down your throats and score. The second one, you're rolling Lamar out. It felt like the entire defense was going. He did have Andrews open, but that's not an Easy play. It's 10 degrees outside. It's freezing. He's already fumbled a play before falling backwards. We've seen guys drop that. It wasn't like an absolute. You know, he should have caught it, but it wasn't a layup.

[Cousin Sal]

But also his ass was hanging out too, kind of. Really? But he's almost naked. I don't know what happened.

[Bill Simmons]

How about this? How many times did the Ravens punt today?

[Cousin Sal]

Did they not punt? I know. It either ended on a turnover or a zero punt score. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Zero. Three turnovers. They missed two. Two points. And. And yet they. It felt like if it got to overtime, I thought they were going to win. And I thought they did a good job against Buffalo in the second half too. Like, you know, Allen had a chance to put the game away in that last drive. When they're up, what was it? They were up 5. Right. And they ran that same QB draw. It was like when I played Madden against Ben and he's just running the same play. And I'm like, by the fourth crowd, I'm like, all right, you're going to run the play where you do this and just put two guys there. He ran the QB draw seven times and they finally were ready for it. They had to kick the field goal and it felt like they just left the door open a tiny bit. Plus there was a great, I mean it was a great weekend for weird gambling. Shit. Baltimore minus one and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Crazy.

[Bill Simmons]

They were lingering the whole time. The moment they missed the two point, it's like, of course they're going to win 25, 24 and 7.

[Cousin Sal]

Right. When they try the two point conversion to tie it up, you're like, there's no fricking way they're going to get it. Otherwise the spread wouldn't have been one and a half. Like, I wish I could live bet the two point conversion, but yeah, right, yeah, that was bad. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Jake Elliott in the, in the game before, just a random miss, missed Pat out of nowhere. Now they're up 13 instead of 14. They're favored by six and a half. It's like, of course the Rams are going to score. This is, this is pre, preordained now.

[Cousin Sal]

Was the worst one, the absolute worst. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know where to, where to go with it. I'll say this though. I feel like the game could change no matter what. Like you could change what it catches, you could change replay what it can cover, what it doesn't, you could add, stick them to gloves. But the one thing's a constant and especially in the playoffs, if you have more turnovers than the other team. Yeah, it's, it's, it's unforgiving. It really is. I mean, Allen had what, 125 yards passing. Hertz had about the same. If I would have told you in the beginning of the game, hey, at the beginning of the day, those two guys are not even combined for 260 yards. How much money would we have put on the other sides? Like, right. I guess we would have covered with the Rams. But it is unbelievable. Tried and true. You turn the ball over, especially on the road in the playoffs, you're going to lose a game.

[Bill Simmons]

Allen, 127 yards passing. Cook 67 yards. Allen was 10 for 20 rushing. Shakir was their best receiver at 67 yards. The next guy had 15 and they won that. Ravens finished with 416 yards. Buffalo 273 and they won. But that's the thing. It's I, I, I Lost both of my, I lost the Lions. Cause the Big Tees, I had the Lions with the other three favorites. I had a bet today with the Chiefs and the, I had the Chiefs and the Eagles combined. I had the Eagles and Ravens. So I, I scrambled back in real life a little. But the two games that, that I had wrong were the Lions and the Ravens. I'm not even positive I had them wrong because of just what you said. It's like turnovers, the one we always Talk about like 9 out of 10 times you can kind of have a feel for a football game. And then that 10th time is the wonk game. This felt, this game felt wonky. But that's the thing. It's 12 degrees and it's in Buffalo. And that's why so many people pick Buffalo. It's like Josh Allen home. They're used to this weather and that was it. But man, I thought the Ravens were the best team in the league. I really did. I thought they were the best. And I felt no going home before round three.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I mean, Derek Henry's great. He was the steal of free agency. But I was looking at this line, I was like, he has just as many games under 100 yards than he has over. They're a little bit fraudulent. In the four teams they beat over the last month, the offenses they played like Pittsburgh twice. Who was it? The Browns and the, oh, the Texans on that dumb Christmas game where they scored two. So I don't know, I was like, maybe they could figure Henry out and they didn't. I know he had those big drives and he'll end up with decent numbers, but they held him to like 26 yards, I think in the first half. And that was good enough to have that lead was 2110. Yeah, they held onto that. That was huge.

[Bill Simmons]

And getting the ball at the top of the third quarter. Yeah, they, Henry and Hill combined were 22 for 1, 34. Lamar was 6 for 39 just for rushing, right. But they were doing most of the stuff they wanted to do on offense. The first Lamar pick was egregious. The fumble was stupid. And then the, the Andros fumble, they were driving. It felt like, you know, it felt like they had at least, I, I, I should have written this down, but I felt like they had at least four like 25 yard pass plays, right? They had at least, I'm going to say four or five runs of 10 to 20 yards. But between him and big ones to Andrews, even, yeah, I'm like, holy shit, we're the Bills we never win games like this. It's a miracle. This is usually if you bring in the Buffalo Bills history, it's, you know, Andrews fumbles that two point, but then he holds onto it. OT coin flip. Baltimore wins it. They go down, they win the game.

[Cousin Sal]

Or you need a misspell the play.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, they win an ot, it's like, oh my God. I mean, when Tyler Bass hit that long field goal, even then I was like, oh, that's unusual for Buffalo. So maybe the vibes are, maybe the vibes are shifting for them. This was your super bowl pick.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, well, I had them with the Lions, so I feel like it's already a bust. But yeah, I mean, like I said, I, I think I thought they were undervalued in this game and maybe they weren't the, the better team. But the Ravens took too long to get going and those turnovers to them absolutely killed them.

[Bill Simmons]

So they had that first great TD drive, they had the pick, they had the fumble, they had the first and goal from the two when they just for whatever reason just went backwards and ended up getting a field goal instead of a touchdown. They had that third and 12 from Buffalo 29 in the third quarter when they were down 11 and they just get a delay a game. Now it's third and 17, they get five, they kick a field goal instead. But it was a lot of like little Raven stuff that usually if they lose a game like this, it's the stuff that happens. It's the reason they had the five losses during this season when you could look at all five and be like, ah, I'm not sure they should have lost that game. But that's, that's who they are. I felt like with the two tight ends, with the way they could run the ball and with the way Lamar could just kind of take off and scramble, they were, they seemed kind of unstoppable and they could just kind of never keep it going for more than five minutes.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, you didn't see that Lamar gigantic scramble in the second half or like the fourth quarter. Right? I mean, no, that was, that was there for them in the first half when Henry wasn't really doing it on the ground. So yeah, they just even, even like.

[Bill Simmons]

That big kick return at the end, they get it to the 35, 33 holding penalty. Now they're starting at the 12.

[Cousin Sal]

Right?

[Bill Simmons]

You know, but I don't know, I. Obviously we've never played football at the highest possible level in 12 degree weather when you're snowing. I, I don't Know, I don't know how to factor that in.

[Cousin Sal]

I know. Like I said, it's not fun and it's not highbrow Warren Sharp type analysis saying it's too cold for these guys. But I think a lot of it is that it made for great viewing. Right. That was fun. We watched the Rams Eagles together in the Snowboys. Got two all four games were excellent.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Yeah. I even thought Chiefs Texans was pretty good. So the Ravens heading into this game since 2018, including the playoffs were 0 and 9 when they were trailing by 10 plus points at halftime and now they're O and 10 and the only other team that is winless during that span is the Oakland LA Vegas Raiders. 00:26.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

So no comebacks 10 plus and I guess that's the Lamar era, right? 2018 on and yet I thought they were going to win and I felt like it was going to happen. And especially when he made that improv play on the final drive to Wallace when he ran out, bought some time, hit him over the middle. I was like okay Lamar, here we go.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah Wallace, I forgot he was on the. Wow. That's the biggest catch of the game. But yeah, I think you're right and I thought you were going to go after Harbaugh a little there. It's like that is. That is a little weird for coaches held in such high regard to now be double digits losses with down 10 at the break.

[Bill Simmons]

Their last super bowl win was deer antler Ray Lewis season. Right.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So that was nine years ago. 11 years ago. 10 years ago. The blackout. Yeah. 1415 where I was at Grantland. You and you were working for doing stuff for Grantland. So Yeah, it was 10, 11 years ago. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

House and I are doing the anniversary of House Heats 3. That's when it was right. It was in New Orleans.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you mean you're doing the anniversary of Houses three? You're going to try to throw up on House three?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm going to try. It's happening. It's happening this time.

[Bill Simmons]

Well so I don't know where Lamar ends up now because he's definitely not on that Karl Malone level, but he also really needs one of these games and it felt like he was finally going to get it. And there's this whole alternate universe where Mark Andrews just holds on to that one and we've moved into this whole other sliding doors of more Buffalo Pain. Oh my God. And now we have this, this Bills Chiefs game which we'll talk about when we do guest the Lions. But the Chiefs this all somehow worked out. I feel the best for them out of anybody. Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Son of a bitch. There's four teams left.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel the best about the Chiefs. The team that we kind of looked at side eyes for side eyed for 12 weeks wondering what the hell was going on with them. And now I like them the most.

[Cousin Sal]

And we still will. We'll spend the next six days trying to convince ourselves, all right, the Bills can win this. Yeah, the Bills are going to win this. Going away. But ye. Yeah, it's. They are just too hard to beat. And I know everyone wants to take the refs and I don't know, I don't know what to say. Like I, you know, I have a friend Harry, you know, and he is just so ridiculous with these refs and he'll like bring a petition in front of Arrowhead Stadium because he thinks it's so fixed for the Chiefs. I was like, just shut up already. And then I watch this game. I'm like, those are some bad calls. I still don't think the Texans played well enough to win.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I was like, my God, that's three or four bad calls and they need to do something.

[Bill Simmons]

They're these keep a drive alive calls. Which is. Yeah, like that Will Anderson allegedly hitting Mahomes in the head or whatever that play was when he didn't. Which feels like if we're going to review everything in the NBA and not nearly enough in the NFL, it feels like there's some sort of middle ground where they could look at that again and go, oh yeah, he didn't hit Mahomes.

[Cousin Sal]

Listen, they review touchdowns, right? They review turnovers. A 15 yard penalty, the way the gate, these guys are kicking the ball from 55, 58 yards. It almost always puts you in field goal range. So it is a scoring play essentially. I'll say that. And the other thing I'll say is Mahomes like he, he's such a master of taking a late hit or maybe not a late hit. First of all, when he turns into the hash mark and takes a hit, that was, that looked like a, a Madden glitch there. So if he's getting away with that, that's terrible. But the sideline crap where he's just falling over, it's like remember like say gal Steven Seagal like 15 years ago. They show these highlights have been him doing the bullshit aikido or whatever. And he's, he's barely touching.

[Bill Simmons]

Painted a goatee.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. And they're doing cartwheels like they were hit by a Snow plow. Like that's what my homes is doing on the sideline. Like they got to. I think they need to call flopping too now, like they do in the NBA. In soccer.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't believe I'm about to say this. I. Because I hate it in basketball and I hate it in soccer, but I really hate it in basketball. Like when. Especially during the glory days of this with Hardin and Trey Young and some of these people. I just hated it. I kind of enjoy when Mahomes does it because he's turned it, he's turned it into some art form that we didn't know existed. That thing that, that one play when he was running out of bounds and he had the guy behind him and he slowed down like he was trying to get a call on a three point shot. I've never seen a quarterback do that before. Like the fact that he is so locked in on the situations at all times, or when he does the quick slides as the guy's starting to dive, hoping to get a hit to the head. He's exploited these rules that were, you know, intended to protect all quarterbacks, including him. And he's taken it and he's turned it against the defense in this really creative way. I gotta respect it.

[Cousin Sal]

I, I guess so. I respected, like, I respect the art form. There are people who like diarrhea on a canvas and they're like, hey, 300 grand for this. Like, I don't know, it's. It's, it's kind of.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like those people that they do the, the clear magic marker on their license plate so that the, the, the speeding cameras can't catch it. It's like, I gotta respect it. It's pretty ingenious.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

He has like five tricks. Here's the thing. And I was on multiple texts this weekend and I go nuts when people say this. And we were together for the first game and somebody said it when we were all together. This whole thing that he's inherited. The Tom Brady Patriots. Get in.

[Cousin Sal]

I know you don't like that.

[Bill Simmons]

This drives me crazy. This drives me crazy.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm gonna keep saying it.

[Bill Simmons]

I was there for all those Patriot games. Sure, the tuck roll, which was by the way, interpreted correctly, but we are the only team where the team was. We had a Deflategate fake controversy as we were trying to win a Super bowl. And then we won the super bowl and then they suspended our quarterback way later anyway. And there's still no evidence, like everything has been debunked. We had a Four game suspension. It's like, I'm positive that hasn't happened to Patrick Mahomes yet. So everybody settled down.

[Cousin Sal]

That part's right. Can both be right that he was, like, babied as a quarterback on some of these late hits.

[Bill Simmons]

He was, baby. So was Peyton Manning. So was Aaron Rodgers. What star quarterback wasn't babied?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm mostly with you because I don't think these.

[Bill Simmons]

He just was. Brady was whiny. I will fully admit that. He would get whiny and he would turn and he would yell at the rest, but Peyton Manning did, too. Both of them did. Wasn't like. It was just. It wasn't like Brady was the only one.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, maybe Lamar Jackson should. Maybe they should teach a course and Lamar Jackson should pick it up and Jared Goff should pick up the same thing. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm in a defending Brady mode because even, like, his announcing, which I. Which has not been great, I'll be the first one to admit, and I know we've talked about it, but he does have moments of insight during the game.

[Cousin Sal]

We should hope so, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

For 37 billion a year. But there are moments like he caught the 12 men on the field. I've never seen an announcer catch that before. He had, I thought when Goff threw that interception on the post pass, the deep one, and Brady was explaining like, it actually was the right throw, but he should have led him right to left because he threw it straight. He allowed. The cornerbacks love cutting that pass. And I was like, okay, here we go. Tom Brady, terrible ball.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then it's five more minutes of him just talking about, big play. Got to get this. And, you know, like, ah, God damn it. But I blame Burkhart as much as Brady because I don't think Burkhart sets him up enough.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I think he was helping try doing all he could in the beginning, but I don't know. It's fine. It's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

I was like, he's no Collinsworth. He's no Collinsworth.

[Cousin Sal]

Bill, how are you going to be as good as me? There's just no way they were going.

[Bill Simmons]

To go through the back door, Mike. And now they're going through the front door. The Rams might take this. Mike.

[Cousin Sal]

Mike. My balls are so frostbitten. I don't think I'm going to feel them until March, to be honest.

[Bill Simmons]

Mike, I lost consciousness five minutes ago. Mike, let's. Let's take a break for the podcast. The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by Fanduel from the first whistle to the final drive, FanDuel takes the NFL playoffs to the next level. Right now, new customers can bet $5 get 300 bucks back in bonus bets if you win $300 of bonus bets if you win your first $5 bet. The FanDuel app gives you everything you need for live bets, same game parlay. So much more. Plus when you win, you'll get paid instantly. On Thursday we are going to be talking about our favorite million dollar picks and we gotta make a comeback because we did not do well in round two. But I think we're in a pretty large group for that so round three could be a big comeback week. You visit bandool.com bs join today get started $300 of bonus bets fanduel.com bs make this playoff season unforgettable. With FanDuel an official sportsbook partner of the NFL, you must be 21 + in President select states or 18 + in President D.C. first online real money wager only $5 first deposit required bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt restrictions apply seat terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem call 100 GAMBLER visit rg-this episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. In basketball, a blockbuster trade can make or break your playoff run. Before the deadline, GMs across the league scour for the right data and insights, hoping their moves pay off February 6th trade deadline this year. By the way, just like in basketball, growing your small business in 2025 all comes down to how well you can build your team. That starts with better insights from LinkedIn with unique skills and interests to the connections you have in common. LinkedIn has the strongest hiring data and insights to help you identify the right professionals so you can make the best hiring decisions. LinkedIn pairs you with the high quality candidates you need to make your business grow and flourish. LinkedIn also lets you go beyond candidates who are actively applying in a given week. 171 million LinkedIn members aren't actively seeking jobs, but they are open to new opportunities. Who isn't? That's a big pool of people you don't want to miss out on. And who knows, one of them could be your next All Star player. So hire smarter in the new year. Find your next Great hire on LinkedIn. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com Simmons Once again, LinkedIn.com Simmons to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Chiefs Texans we'll go backwards. I'd like kudos to espn, first network ever to play in the Air tonight by Phil Collins before a sporting event. Nobody ever thought of it. They should try Pressure by David Bowie, the Net the next time. Or Queen. That would be good.

[Cousin Sal]

Billy Joel's Pressure. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Or Billy Joel's Pressure, yeah. There's songs I'm just good with now. Songs that we like, that we've grown up with that should just be banned from sports now. And I feel like I've been doing this for 10 years, but we're really at a crisis point in the air tonight. Pressure. There's a couple. Anything from pre 89. Just get it out. Let's go. Let's move to music from the last 35 years. We can do it, I'm positive. Let's go. There's been a lot of good music.

[Cousin Sal]

It makes me feel good. I just, if I have to pretend to be bopping along the Jay Z while they, you know, while they show highlights going into half, Jay Z would be great.

[Bill Simmons]

That's the last 35 years.

[Cousin Sal]

It's fine. But it's not Pressure. It's not any of the pressures in the air tonight.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't. I honestly cannot believe we're still playing.

[Cousin Sal]

That first 40 solo that they just do the drum solo after every play.

[Bill Simmons]

So that Chiefs Texans game starts with a long special teams play followed by the Texans. Guy has like a meltdown, gets, throws his helmet down, shoves his coach, and the game has barely started. And the Chiefs go three down, it's three nothing. And then the Texans go back and it's tied at three. And it's just like, what? This is the weirdest game I've ever watched. But the Texans hung around. I don't know if they actually should have won the game, but the game was, I think, closer than all of us thought. Their defense was good. Ultimately, I was never in real fear for the Chiefs, were you?

[Cousin Sal]

No, I didn't. I wasn't at all. And CJ Stroud was better than I thought. Like, I thought. Remember his second playoff game last year? He went to Baltimore and got destroyed. And this year's making plays with his legs. Like that's not really his game, what he was doing. And you know, he's hitting, he was hitting, you know, his receivers and I don't know, they stuck around and, you know, it was like a 10 minute drive. That touchdown from mixing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that was huge. But then receivers that we'd never heard of all year were making actually, we're like, that's his first pass attempt that's ever Been thrown to him. It's round two. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

So I don't even know where we are with CJ Stroud anymore, to be honest. I feel like that's just the guy you and I are going to flip flop over over the next seven years. A dozen times. But he did an admirable job. About as much as the Lions makers thought, because it came down to that very half a point. But I mean, shit, are the Chiefs just playing a joke? Is it like, just like a clubhouse joke? Like, hey, we had 212 total yards. Can we win with a hundred total yards? Spags, map it out. Let's see. You got us. We're good. Okay. I just feel like it's just a challenge for them to do so little and win.

[Bill Simmons]

I know, but it's like what we were talking about earlier with that Baltimore Buffalo game. Like, they don't beat themselves.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Houston had that play. It was a fourth and 10 in the second half, and they kind of rushed it to the line. And who was the announcer? It was Aikman.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it was Aikman.

[Bill Simmons]

He's like, I don't like this. They should call timeout. They were just going too fast. 4th and 10. I think he got sacked. It's like, it's the little things you just can't do against the Chiefs. And then the other thing is January. Kelsey, who's just a different human being than regular season. Kelsey, who they put in the garage with that car tarp over him, you know, and they're just like, maybe take it out for a spin on Sundays for 10 minutes. But in the playoffs, they actually use him, and their offense just felt a little more.

[Cousin Sal]

And yet it looks like he's attending an old Timers game. He looks so slow compared to everyone else out there.

[Bill Simmons]

He looks like it's a snowy field, even though it's not. It looks like he's got the snowfield cleats on.

[Cousin Sal]

He's so open. He's got like 20 yards around him. Aikman's good because I really feel like he's. I don't know, should we give awards for, like, come. Come back. Announcer of the year come back of the decade.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. That's been the last, really, since Romeo got attention. He's. Aikman took it up a notch.

[Cousin Sal]

And it's because he's angry. He'll like, oh, yeah. He and Buck do a good job going after the refs, and obviously they had the perfect game to do it for this. But angry Aikman is just terrific. I Mean, they must have, I don't remember a comeback like this. I don't know what they do before the game to get him. So ornery but good job.

[Bill Simmons]

That's the bet. That was the best team this year, I think, right? That was my favorite. Yeah, they're very good.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they're very good. I, yeah, I like, I do like Greg Olson though, I will say, I think I don't even want to say he's underrated because I think he's getting a good pop lately.

[Bill Simmons]

Houston special teams, that was another thing. It was a three hour murder for them. That was another reason they lost that, you know, missed field goals, missed extra point, kick return, all kinds of shit. They just weren't ready to win that game. In KC we got a lot of Taylor Swift shots shout out to Tommy Alter in the background if you saw him a couple times.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, nice.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Caitlin Clark, all the greats.

[Cousin Sal]

But yeah, when you have Taylor, Caitlin and the frickin rizzler there and the refs, forget it. Game over.

[Bill Simmons]

Wrestler. And then the safety. So this had one of the great gambling moments, I think of the decade. And this has been a cottage industry now. Cause the Instagram reels and TikTok, I don't know how long we've been talking about these stupid. This was beyond a bad beat. This was 14 seconds left. I still don't know what the point of the safety was I guess to chew up. So basically he runs, Eraza runs backwards, runs around. It really feels like he's going to get like stripped or it's going to be like a touchdown in the end zone or something terrible. Then, then he gets out and then they punt again. So I guess it saves seven seconds. And I guess my question is, was that worth it? All that, all the things that could go wrong with your punter running around backwards in cold weather. Like I, I, I'm positive I would just rather punt it and get rid of the ball and you can have the extra seven seconds, depends who you bet.

[Cousin Sal]

So I feel like nobody deserved to win this bet against the spread, right, because they're up, they're up. What were they up? They were up 11 the chiefs. And Fairbairn tries a gimme field goal, misses. So now the Texans. You have the Texans. You're like, that sucks. They should have lost by eight, right? But then, all right, so now depending on what you got at eight and a half or nine, I think the, the reason they did that is because the only thing that would have killed them is a black A block Punt and it wouldn't have killed them because they still needed to block twice.

[Bill Simmons]

How many block punts are you. If you're actually, like, trying not to get your punt blocked? I don't know. It felt like an overthink.

[Cousin Sal]

What day? It was a little much.

[Bill Simmons]

So the other thing was the line was 8 and a half all week. When we were doing Ringer Sunday, pregame show on Saturday, it was eight and a half before you guys started the show. And then as the game got closer, jumped to nine and a half. So people got that Chiefs lines somewhere around those two numbers. And then it ended at nine.

[Cousin Sal]

I feel like I should get an emergency alert on my phone if it goes. If it moves to nine.

[Bill Simmons]

It does feel like there should. That should be a Twitter account or emergency alert.

[Cousin Sal]

We've gotten so many of them lately. What. What the hell?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, well, so that was ultimately good for fanduel.

[Cousin Sal]

That was bad for. That was bad for the books because you could have gotten eight and a half with the Chiefs.

[Bill Simmons]

So if you're betting Casey up, you win. And if you bet Texans nine after. Yeah, I never unders. I never.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. No, that wasn't how that goes. Yeah, that's. That they got screwed by that point. So everybody was saying, oh, it's rigged for the books and everything. No, that's not the example you want to use. They lost both ways. But I'm trying to think in general, if they lost money like you and I are idiots, because we know they.

[Bill Simmons]

The Washington that they cleaned up that Washington game made their playoffs.

[Cousin Sal]

You think it did because.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, my God. Yeah. They wasn't just. It wasn't just the game. It was all the Lions bets. It was the Lions to win the nfc. It was the Lions super bowl bets. They were, like, really badly exposed with the Lions. And then on top of it, everybody and their brother, including us, had some sort of tease with the Lions, the Eagles, the Chiefs, Ohio State, whatever. The Lions were in a lot of them.

[Cousin Sal]

But the kids. The kids love the same game parlays. And you couldn't. You couldn't miss with the same game parlay or the game that had how many points? 76. I don't know. It's just all over. Is all over.

[Bill Simmons]

The kids really do love the same game parlays. Does Harrison like the same game parlays? Is he old enough yet?

[Cousin Sal]

I think he's too young. Yes. I got scared.

[Bill Simmons]

Six, six. Six months from now when he turns 11. Maybe he can do them by the spring. No, I think Washington made fando a lot of money.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

I think there were a lot of futures that could have been pretty bad because there was a moment and we had some Lions bets. They were somehow undervalued even though they were clearly the best team on paper in the NFC that doubled up.

[Cousin Sal]

They were even to win the conference before Saturday. I was like, that's ridiculous. They'll take care of the commanders and then they'll beat up whoever. Especially if the Eagles come to town. But not meant to be.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to go on the record. I just blanket hate the safety running around to kill time to send it from 13 to 11 or whatever. 11 to 9. I'm just out. I don't like that play. I don't trust safeties, I don't trust kickers. I don't trust any special teams. Like guys running around and all of a sudden he like gets. And all of a sudden the ball's rolling around the end zone. I just, I'm not taking the risk.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm with you. And this is where we should have bet insurance betters, insurance.

[Bill Simmons]

Right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, but yeah, also yeah. If the, if you're receiving the punt in the end zone maybe, but don't run back a quarter of a mile right outta the end zone. Stupid.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, there's a couple things. Maybe I've just been watching football too much for too many weeks in a row, but I can't watch another fair catch in the five yard line. I just can't. Or the fair catch in the seven. I can't watch the guy punting on the other team's 40 somehow punting it out of bounds anyway. It just seems like anyone we know should be able to just punt like a little dribbler 25 yards that rolls out on the 10. It just doesn't seem that hard. I the holding on the kickoff. I just like I would tell everyone on my team like that guy today and the Ravens who gets the hold where he's just bear hugging the dude from behind, right? It's just an automatic. You're waived if this. If you hold on a kickoff, you're waived. Your job. I'm taking your job.

[Cousin Sal]

Most of those guys, that's all they do is they're on the kick return of the punt return team. So just don't hold.

[Bill Simmons]

You have one job. Don't hold anyone. That's it. Don't hold anybody on the other team.

[Cousin Sal]

With the punt return. That was like forever. When we were growing up, it was like, all right, stand at the 7 if you have to Take one step back. Let it go over your head. That seemed to work out. I don't know why they changed that. What's the new edict?

[Bill Simmons]

I don't get it either. Well, this was a great weekend for the Chiefs because I think they're. I think the Ravens would have been a much tougher opponent for them than the Bills. I also think they'll probably not say this publicly, but I think there's a lot more animosity with Buffalo than maybe Baltimore. I think that Buffalo Chiefs thing is a real thing, and I just like the Chiefs. I can't wait to do Gastellant for that one.

[Cousin Sal]

They big brother, the Bills. I think they're like, yeah, we didn't even care that you beat us in the regular season.

[Bill Simmons]

Come on, let's play again.

[Cousin Sal]

We get it when it counts.

[Bill Simmons]

It's very similar to the Pats Colts dynamic that didn't really totally shift until the 2006 AFC title game, right? So maybe that'll be the Bills version of that. Maybe they will be the Indy. But the problem is the game's in KC all right, next one, we'll go Eagles, Rams. We'll save the Lions game for last because that's going to be really fun to talk about.

[Cousin Sal]

Be hurtful.

[Bill Simmons]

I was thinking with Eagles, Rams, this is like the perfect Eagles win for the Eagles fans that we know in our lives, right? Kind of ugly. They had the game. They kind of fucked it up in the last four minutes. SirIoning hurts. Still a lot of question marks. It was a win, but it also was kind of like you escape by the skin of your teeth. And then the only thing everyone can agree on is that Saquon Barkley is like the greatest Eagle of all time. And they all love Saquon Barkley. And he had another, like, magical game. It was basically like an AI spitting out an Eagles win in round two of the playoffs was how I felt.

[Cousin Sal]

That's excellent. And I think you're right because the most important thing for Eagles fans is that they get. They're angry at their team. And because they. They let up the last touchdown and almost another one that would've lost the game. They could still be angry at the team, but they get to watch them play another game. I think that's.

[Bill Simmons]

They get another one, but they get say, oh, I forgot Jake Elliott. That's another one. Jake Elliott missed the two extra points but made some big field goals. But they could be mad at him. They could be mad at some of the strategy. It was perfect. Hertz Strange One, he had the long touchdown drive. He ends up, he throws for 128 yards. Last week he threw for 131. So he's still 41 yards away from a 300 yard game. That's going to have to take him three days, three games.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. To get four playoff wins. Let me just add to that while I have it here. Four playoff wins, career high passing in those games. 156.

[Bill Simmons]

So weird. I don't completely trust him when I watch him. We both had the Eagles in a tease, but they were also six and a half. They somehow not cover. But I never feel 100% comfortable with him. And then the AJ Brown is another one. Like he had another huge drop right the inside. He had like a touchdown and screwed it up. So they've been getting nothing out of him. I don't remember how many things Devonta Smith did in that game. Goddard seemed like he was like the most reliable receiver.

[Cousin Sal]

But I felt the tight end Barkley was incredible and every game should have been hit more. Right. Except for maybe Andrews at the end. But Goddard, Hertz did an amazing job. We'll talk about that in a minute. But yeah, and then, you know, the big moment for me with Hertz is like, what the hell you not getting rid of that ball. Another safety. That didn't make any sense.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh my God. Well, and they fucked up the end of the second quarter too. That was another one. They're up three drive. All of a sudden they're going backwards. Then they're just letting the clock run out because he took a sack. He took another bad sack for that safety.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So I, Washington's a live dog to me. Like, like they're, they're the classic playing with house money, a lot of momentum. They're really good on offense. They're definitely not afraid of the Eagles. They beat them last year when they sucked. You know, beat them this year.

[Cousin Sal]

Beat them last year. I, that's going to be a fun one. I, you know, all of a sudden it's okay. Rooting for the Cowboys. We were easily in the best division in football. Like if you had a repower ranked everybody, Cowboys would be like fifth or something in football. In the NFL.

[Bill Simmons]

I was going to say if, if I told you in late August two NFC east teams will be playing to make the super bowl the third weekend in January, you'd have been so pumped. Yeah, that's not a, like, this is amazing. I can't believe we're going to be. We're, we're one win Away from the Super Bowl.

[Cousin Sal]

We're playing the Giants. How did this.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it was two teams and it was like. Then the other two choices were the commanders or the Giants.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

You wouldn't have ever thought. We both liked the commanders. We went over on them. I mean, they have 14 wins.

[Cousin Sal]

I had them to make the playoffs, but I did not think they'd have 14 wins. But it is interesting how that became the division. Right. And the NFC north was. I keep comparing it to the sec, who has no participants in tomorrow night's game. Just off. I think they were 29 and 4 outside of Division and then just got murdered in the playoffs.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I think we did a podcast segment probably four weeks ago where we were wondering if they had the three best teams. Yeah, well, they didn't.

[Cousin Sal]

They don't. We don't have to worry about that.

[Bill Simmons]

Fast forward to the end of the movie. They did not. There was a cold weather element to the Seagulls game, too, with. With the toughness. The Ramsua had a huge drop. Kyron Williams had the fumble. Stafford had the fumble. You know, and we live in la. We talk about this a lot on the pod, about how we're both from the East Coast. I was a guy that was always like, I wouldn't throw a coat on when it was 20 degrees outside unless I really had to or the windshield was bad. Lived out here for three years. Then when I go back east, I'm fucking freezing every time. And I get it when the Rams go to Philly, it's like, I get why Nakua probably, you know, like passed us through his hands. You're just. It's hard to get used to.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. There was one indoor game. The other three. I would say this clearly gave one of the teams, the home team, the advantage. The weather. Right. The cold weather and the slipping all over. And you just knew Barkley was going to break one of every three or four runs. It's just crazy. I don't know if he was going to slide short of a touchdown, which he likes to do. But it's incredible what he put it, what put himself through and everybody else.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Schrager asked me during the game, he texted me, do you think is this a good way to decide a playoff matchup where the weather comes in and you have a situation like that Eagles Rams game today. And to me, 100%, yes.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's such a huge part of football. I even think back to, like that Chargers Bengals game when we were kids in 1980 and that. I love that Chargers team and then they go to Cincy and It was like minus 230 degrees and the Bengals just beat them. But it's like, that's why you play for home field advantage. Like you want, you know, you want people to come to your house. And especially if it's like a team like Miami last year playing in. Were they Buffalo or kc, Kansas City. Yeah, it's. It's just part of football. I love it. So you like it too, right?

[Cousin Sal]

I love it too. I have some buddies that you, you know, like, you're just like, nah, this is just. We're not seeing the best of every team if they're playing with a shiny K ball that they can't hold onto. I do like the home field advantage. Am I a hypocrite to say I don't like it in the Super Bowl? I didn't like it when Denver played Seattle and it just looked like, oh, this is going to be a shit fest. But put those in a warm weather climate. But I like everything leading up.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think that's the right take. Yeah. Cause I remember the. One of the years when we beat the Colts. I say we talk about the Patriots. Like I was on the team. There was one like super. It was the one when the fans were chanting, cut that. Cut that meat at Peyton Manning. Cause they had to cut that meat commercial.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it was just freezing. They scored three points and it was like a combo of our defense plus like just how cold it was and was like, that's why we won. It was really. That was it. The cold weather has been a big advantage for the Pats over the years. I think Buffalo's won a couple of the Chiefs, definitely. But I like it.

[Cousin Sal]

I personally, I guess John Jastremski would have a different answer. It depends who you root for, right. If you're a Dolphins. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

True. Right. Yeah. If you're. Or dome. Dome.

[Cousin Sal]

To me, if you're a historian and you love NFL films and you love watching that and just like there's nothing better than, you know, guys grinding it out.

[Bill Simmons]

Well. Cause sometimes it'll be two cold weather teams in bad weather and those are usually great too. Like the Packers. What was that? Packers, Giants.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, Packers, Giants. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Freezing. It was like one degree. And you know, but at least the Giants were used to it. I didn't. Did not feel like the Rams were that used to today. Really good Rams here and you know, not only did they make the final eight, it felt like they were pretty close in that in that game, and it was very similar to the Baltimore thing, where it's just they made some dumb turnovers. Philly had a couple dumb plays on their own end, but not as dumb as.

[Cousin Sal]

We almost had a 7 versus 6 in the NFC Championship. Right. Like, the Rams almost had a home game. It would have been nuts to think a month ago, but, yeah, I'm proud of that team and they did a nice job.

[Bill Simmons]

Can I give a shout out to Jack Wilson, the producer of I don't think it's the Ringer Sunday pregame show. Okay, text from Jack Wilson. 12:30 Pacific Time. This is when the Rams are looking good in the Eagles game. It's like, first quarter, the Rams are moving the ball. Text me if the Rams win and House comes to LA next weekend. Do we want to bring JJ out too, since Raheem is in Vegas? That's easy because then we could do. I'll do the show in la. It wasn't even the end of the first quarter yet, so I just sent him back. Jinx text.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Jack, Jack, text me back. Shit, Sorry. Don't tell House. Well, House is finding out right now.

[Cousin Sal]

House is all right. House is going to play either way next week. It's the Rams fans. You know what? Let's give Jack Wilson's phone number on here. So, people, let's give it to Frams fans. We'll give it at the end of the show.

[Bill Simmons]

No, House is happy because he just. Now that's a short ride to. To Philly. I talked to House today, actually, before the Philly game. He. He's, you know, obviously out of his mind, but we were talking about how crazy it would be if it was a Baltimore Washington. Oh, yeah, Like, Super Bowl. Have two teams located closer to each other. Ever played in a Super Bowl? And we were like, this has to like, it's never been in New York. New York jets versus, like, no, that's never happened. And I, I. That it was almost like, too weird. So the gods decided, yeah, this isn't happening.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Wait, there is no answer, right? The answer. It's.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think so.

[Cousin Sal]

You'll have some Midwest. Wait, Tampa.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think it's ever. You don't think it's ever happened?

[Cousin Sal]

All right. Yeah, House is. He's. Is. He's not going to Philly, is he?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah, he's going.

[Cousin Sal]

He's going to go. They have to be on their best behavior now, the Eagles fans, because they're all recorded and they're going to lose their jobs. If they, if they curse or do.

[Bill Simmons]

Anything good, I feel like they're going.

[Cousin Sal]

To keep it's all fine.

[Bill Simmons]

Now let's take another break for the pod and then we will talk about Washington and the Lions. This episode is brought to you by Pepcid Complete. We all know that one of the best parts of game day is the food. On Sundays, nephew Kyle comes over. Sometimes we'll get healthy, we'll get some salads. Sometimes we'll get a little ambitious. We'll get some sandwiches. It's always the best part of my food week. Well, until heartburn strikes, then it's not as great. You get heartburn from time to time. Gotta watch out. You don't want to be rolling around in bed all night. Thankfully, Pepcid Complete starts to work instantly. It lasts all day. Just one great tasting chewable tablet provides dual action heartburn relief with an antacid that starts working instantly and an acid reducer that lasts all day. So you can stay focused on that second sandwich, that second second helping. A salad, not heartburn. Visit Pepcid.com to shop now all day based on eight hour symptom relief studies during the day use product only as directed. This message is a paid partnership with Apple Card. If you want to take control of your finances, Apple Card is where it starts. A credit card that can give you up to 3% daily cash back on every purchase. I have one. I can tell you this is true. I know and love Apple Card. So many places I can use it, especially during a busy time here with football, basketball, the holidays all at once. I can use my Apple Card on tickets to a game, a gift from my dad, or even tickets as a gift for my dad. Plus, anytime there's a new Apple product, it's a lot easier. Apply for an Apple Card today. It's easy. Just go to the wallet app on your iPhone again. That easy. Subject to credit approval. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch terms and more at applecard.com Washington Lions game of the Weekend Possible Game of the Year Certainly the most dramatic. I was at. I went to UFC last night and I was just like, I'm going to watch this game when I get home. But I was kind of checking my phone and every time I checked my phone the score was different. It was one of those games. But this will be my first question for you. Is this it for the Lions? Was this their window these two years? Can they get back? Is it ever going to get better than this for them?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, that's like seven questions. My God.

[Bill Simmons]

Yes. Well, it's all the same question.

[Cousin Sal]

They'll get back. Yeah, No, I know what you're saying. I think Campbell's good. I think their offense is excellent. I think that defense was decimate. I think after a while, you just can't. They lose three more defensive players during the game. The cornerback goes out immediately. You just can't put bodies in eventually. I don't want to take anything away from Jaden Daniels because I want to make a case for him being the best rookie postseason quarterback we've ever seen. But that said, for God's sakes, how many guys have to go down? Right? And I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Counter.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't. I don't know that. I don't know that division is so tough after all. I don't think he's going to see Minnesota with 14 wins again. So I think they can come back. Go ahead, counter.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think their defense was why they lost the game.

[Cousin Sal]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll just read you some plays.

[Cousin Sal]

45 is a lot of points, but you don't think so.

[Bill Simmons]

Third and one. They're up seven three in the Washington 25. They're passing for some reason, and Goff gets strip sacked over and over again. Remember the first month of the season when the Lions, they didn't start out well and they were throwing the ball a ton and we were talking about them on the pot and I was saying, I'm still in on the Lions. I just think they're. They're a running team that for some reason is trying to air it out. I think they need to flip the seesaw and become like a pound the ball running team. They went back to the old first month of the season. Lions again. They threw the ball over 40 times. Gibbs touched it 20 times total. He was. Every time he touched a ball, it was 10 yards. It barely seemed like he had it. So that play was terrible.

[Cousin Sal]

That play just. He wasn't even in on that play. It's an empty backfield on third and one. And that Gibbs, I think at the time he was averaging 19 yards a touch. And he's not even.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't even keep him in the game. He should be in the game on every third and short.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. As a decoy, but that's.

[Bill Simmons]

So you have that play.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You have Goff sailing the pick six, and if you freeze it, his receiver is in the middle of four guys. He's surrounded by like a gang of players. There was really. It would have had to have been the all time perfect throw. He sails at pick six, almost gets concussed. He throws that end of the pick at the end of the second quarter on the post play where the guy's open, he throws it to the wrong side.

[Cousin Sal]

Brady call.

[Bill Simmons]

And then the Jameson Williams that, that option pass with the receiver. It's the biggest series of the game. It's 38, 28. You have to score. You still have the whole fourth quarter. Basically you have to get three or seven and they, they put the entire game in the hands of a receiver who never throws. And of course he makes a dumb decision. It's not that. It's like, oh, he shouldn't have thrown it. You shouldn't put him in the position to throw it. That was a classic Ben Johnson. Just like, look at me. Hey, look at me. Watch these cool plays. It's like, you know what works? Fucking Jameer Gibbs. Just give him the ball. Why are you running wide receiver pass plays?

[Cousin Sal]

Do you think that was a directive to Jameson Williams to just throw it no matter what? We don't care if the kid, the guy's triple teamed or, hey, you're the fastest guy on the field. Let's take it outside. And unless. Only if he's wide open will you throw it. I think it's somewhere in between. But the Ben Johnson thing is interesting, right? Like all these coordinators get jobs. Unless they're on the super bowl winning team, their last game is almost always terrible, right? Like Shane Steich. We've seen it. Like it, it just almost has to be. And you're right, he had like four or five really curious calls, but 45 points. A lot for the other team.

[Bill Simmons]

If you give Harrison a giant package and you park across the street from FedEx, you're like, now cross the street and deliberate and I want you to. And. And he fucks it up. Is that your fault or Harrison's?

[Cousin Sal]

My wife would probably say it was my fault.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, because it's like, here's Jameson Williams. He's rolling out to the right and the guy's not open. He's not a quarterback. It's like, oh my God, I can't believe he made a terrible decision and threw the ball. Yeah, but we see this happens every week in football.

[Cousin Sal]

If I told I don't cross the street unless you. There's not a car visible for a quarter of a mile on your left or right.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

It's a different day. I don't know what he said. You're right. It's dumb that they should have, should have run more because they go up 14, three that third and one play, they're up seven, three, right. They go up 14 to three. That building's bananas. It's a whole different story. It was already loud and then maybe, maybe, I don't know, maybe they don't come back.

[Bill Simmons]

Washington, their defense had two fuck ups. The. The McLaren. The McLaren, the RPO touchdown. And both guys just, it was like comical how bad the tackling was. Right? Right. So that was bad. The fourth and two inside the five, they're down three, it's 31, 28 and they have 12 men on the field. Inexcusable. But for the most part, like I thought Daniels was incredible. And to just say all the Lions defense, the Lions came up big a couple times. Like they came up the first quarter, they were really good. The beginning of the third quarter, they stopped them on the first drive to get the ball back. Daniels, that, like that throw he made to Diami Brown, that 50 yard Russell Wilson moon ball where he's covered by two guys and just catches it in stride on fourth and two. Like some of the RPO stuff he did, like nobody's stopping that.

[Cousin Sal]

He was great. But I mean, what's going to be your bottom line here? If they give up 60, is that a bad outing? Like 45 still?

[Bill Simmons]

I just think if they don't turn the ball over, they outscore the Commanders and they.

[Cousin Sal]

Daniels is great. There's zero.

[Bill Simmons]

Daniels was great, didn't turn the ball over.

[Cousin Sal]

Bouncing the shit out of them. And I bet him to throw interception. I'm like, nothing against Jaden Daniels. This is just such a tough spot and such a loud place and if he drops back 35 times, one of them is going to end up in a Lions defender's hands. But he was getting blitzed. He was like waiting, waiting. And he always had a. There was always a guy open. He was so smart. And then yeah, that 12 men on the field was disastrous.

[Bill Simmons]

But I mean the fourth quarter yardage, the game was up once they, once it's 38, 28 and Williams throws that pick, the game's over. I'll say this with Daniels. I said this to House today and we should have the Daniels, how special he is combo. He's just, he was so good in that game and he had a couple highlight plays, but for the most part he's just, he's always doing the right thing. He's always calm. He never turns the ball over. Like if you compare him to Lamar today, you know, I think It's a real conversation. Is that where he ranks on, like, what playoff QBs would you trust the most? Because he's. What he did last week against Tampa, what he did in that Detroit game on the road in a dome where it's super loud and he didn't fuck up once for three hours. That's fucking surreal.

[Cousin Sal]

You can't break him at all. Like. Like, mentally, he's just on a different level. He's smiling.

[Bill Simmons]

He just. He's like, having a great time. He's just like, aha, look at this.

[Cousin Sal]

He's like a smarter than Vince Young with all the physical, you know, comparisons. And I'm trying to think what you do because you can't compare him to any of the other rookie quarterback playoff performances. He's better than Flacco was. We never thought Flacco would like. No, I did.

[Bill Simmons]

I did these on Thursday. All the guys were pretty. What is it?

[Cousin Sal]

Flacco, Purdy and Sean Kane. Sanchez. Yeah. Sanchez won a game, but only three. Got to the championship game, I think. I think it was San King did, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

No, not the championship game. He did.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, there was five. I had it. Hold on. Really? I had it in.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, was it Big Ben, too?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Big Ben was the other one. All right. No, I think that comparison. To me, I think Mahomes is the comparison. Even though Mahomes, he had, like, a gap year his first year on the Chiefs. But you think, like, Daniels was in college for five years, Mahomes was in college for three and then had the gap year. So they're around the same age. And then Mahomes goes in that first full year as a starter, and he's incredible. And he almost beats the Pats and he almost beats Brady. I think that's the level it's at. And we saw, like, when we were kids, like, Marino as a rookie, he was awesome that first year. And then that second year made the super bowl. But. Or didn't make the. Did he make the. Yeah, he did make.

[Cousin Sal]

No, the second one he married. That's when he had, like, 47. 47 touch. Yeah. So.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, but it's on that level already, and it's. It's a weird one because the Pats. I love Drake May, and I'm fine with how it turned out, but we. It was a big one of. There was two months leading up to that draft. Last year was like, is Washington take Drake May or Daniels and who do we want? And every Pats fan, we're all talking about the same thing. And it came down. Daniels was three years older. Well, he was in college for five years. He's going to get hurt. He's so skinny and you know, he got hurt during the middle of the year. House and I were talking about this today. They kind of threw us off their scent. Cause they played really well for the first like six weeks. He got hurt and then it was pretty rocky and he was clearly hurt for four or five weeks. Then Echo got hurt and they didn't really start to become the team they were in the first month. I don't feel like until that Tampa game. Right. Or maybe like week 18.

[Cousin Sal]

It's a weird trajectory, right. So you don't want to peak at the wrong time because it's very hard to play great football for 17 weeks, 18 weeks. So there was those weeks two to six or whatever where he didn't throw an incomplete pass or some shit. It was really weird, right. It was just dominant. Then you're right, they got. Had the rib injury and whatever. They weren't as good. But he picked up perfectly. That Atlanta game, that was only a couple weeks ago on Sunday night. If they lose that, that's a whole different, you know, this whole. This shakes up differently. The seedings and everything.

[Bill Simmons]

So yeah, or Tampa, second and one, they get State, they have a chance to potentially go up four. Second one gets stuff. Third and one, they screw up. It's the snapped at the wrong time. All of a sudden they're kicking a.

[Cousin Sal]

Field goal and they never got the ball.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, I'm sure Tampa's like, we should have beaten these guys. Now they're in the fucking NFC title game. This sucks. But the last piece with Daniels, I don't want to say I really wanted to ask you, who would you rather have and have Daniels versus all these veteran quarterbacks we have, but we need to see him win a cold weather game before we have a full feel for, you know, like this at Detroit was a dome. He's going to be going to Philly next week. It's going to be cold, the field's going to be, you know, of fucking concrete. He's going to have this big defensive line and if like he's. If he's as good as he was in Detroit in that scenario, I don't know what the ceiling is at that point.

[Cousin Sal]

No question about it. Yeah, the Eagles are praying for weather conditions like today. Right. They even have the game moved to somewhere like Anchorage, Alaska or something because. Yeah, that's the only key. That's the only thing we're missing and their coaching staff. They did a great job. They did a great job drafting and the GM and they got the terrible owner out of there. Snyder. I feel like Dan Quinn, if you don't ruin his Life with the 283 game. Is Dan Quinn like a top two or three coach in the league?

[Bill Simmons]

It's why it was a good hire. Even though we all kind of were like, oh my God, Dan, really? Dan Quinn. You could add Ben Johnson, but when somebody's had real success the first time they were a coach where you can go back and watch that Super bowl and 13 plays in a row have to go well for the Pats, for the Falcons, not to win the Super Bowl.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, maybe not entirely his fault.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah, some of it was his fault. But. But he's clearly like a good coach. He was great for you on Dallas.

[Cousin Sal]

He was. But that, that's another example of a guy who. His last game was bad and they still hired him away.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

The packers game was just miserable. So it's, it's funny how it works out.

[Bill Simmons]

It's. I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit I'm on some Pat's threads where Washington has now become the North Star for the Pats, where it's like, they sucked last year. They got the second pick, they had nothing. They get the franchise qb, they get a good coach, they get a good coaching staff, they make some smart signings, they have a good draft. Some of the guys that were already in the team, they coached up so that they're actually better assets than were a year ago. They had an easy schedule. All these things where it's like, why can't that be the Pats? So thank you, Washington. You've given us hope here with.

[Cousin Sal]

Football is great. New England.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You never need six new playoff teams every year, but if we get three and one of them's like, Washington has a real run at this and almost plays the Rams in the championship game. It's dynamite stuff. I'm going to miss it.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we talk every year about the circle of teams that have a chance to win the super bowl. And then it comes down to these goofy plays like Mark Andrews dropping the two point, like Tampa not getting a first down when it's second and one and for the, like, what level are you at? How can, how close can you be to winning a Super Bowl? I did not have Washington in the circle. Even heading into this Detroit game. I thought the line was too high. I never would have played Detroit nine and a half. I kind of like Some of the alternate Washington lines, like, they were plus three and a half. They were plus 190. And yet their defense seemed like it was such an overmatch in that Lions game. It just. I couldn't figure out how their defense was going to stop them. And the answer was, Jared Goff has to completely suck. Yeah, that was the one factor I didn't factor in. It's like, what if Jared Goff is just terrible? And he was.

[Cousin Sal]

What if they forget that Gibbs is on the team despite the fact that he has 19 yards of carry every time he touches? Right.

[Bill Simmons]

What if they put their. What if they have an option pass with their receiver on their biggest drive of the game? So. And then we also had the Teddy Bridgewater has come into the game moment, which was pretty exciting. Teddy Bridgewater was coaching high school, and all of a sudden it seems like Goffs can cuss. And anyone who had the Lions and a tease is like, oh, my God, I can't even imagine. I can't imagine what that game was like. Like, talk about the extremes of, like, if you're a Lions fan and you're like, you're in there with the Bills and the Vikings and all these tortured franchises, but you also don't really have any terrible playoff losses because you've just been terrible. You know what I mean? I have losses to point to. And now you have one of the worst losses we've had this decade, where you can go back and just drive yourself crazy with 20 plays and you.

[Cousin Sal]

Have people like me and you saying is that it is the window closed on this team that won, like, 15 games?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, think about it. They might lose both their coordinators. I know they're never going to be. You can never trust Goff in the same way again. I don't think, you know, I think they can. You ever feel great about him?

[Cousin Sal]

Next couple years. But yeah, it's. This should definitely have been one they rolled. It's. They. They might have taken him lightly, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, for.

[Cousin Sal]

Porter's catch was dynamite. Like, there was so many turning. It was right when. When the Dynamite points, like, when the 76 points scored, you could point to 30 plays like, oh, had this gone different. But when La Porta catches the ball and doesn't make use of one of his hands, arms, it's like, oh, shit. All right, that's it.

[Bill Simmons]

Right?

[Cousin Sal]

They're toying with them now. But wasn't the case.

[Bill Simmons]

Really tough loss. Tough loss for us. We had Lions super bowl bets that I somehow didn't properly hedge with Washington.

[Cousin Sal]

You know what happened? You know, I think the, the, the gambling God said to. All right, Sal, Bill, you had a good year. You bet all these moneyline favorites. You got to keep your money.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

New Year. Not we were duty for, for a.

[Bill Simmons]

Kick in the teeth.

[Cousin Sal]

We're not letting you win with another big favorite. Your wager warranty has expired. Pay the fuck up.

[Bill Simmons]

So if those teams play. If Those teams play 10 times, how many times do. Do the commanders win? Would you say three?

[Cousin Sal]

No. Maybe four though.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe four.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay. I'm still saying like, you know, the Lions, they had a ton of yards. I just, I wish they had like two defenders back. Like two, just two out of the 20.

[Bill Simmons]

Because I watched the whole game this morning knowing what happened and I thought it was going to be way more one sided toward Washington. And I'm watching and I'm like, the fuck did the Lions lose this game? Every time they give the ball to Gibbs, he rushes for 12 yards or it's like a 15 yard screen pass. It's like, what. What happened in this game?

[Cousin Sal]

Stupid. I don't know why.

[Bill Simmons]

Daniels was great. And by the way, he. They hit those fourth downs, you feel like every fourth and two, fourth and three. That's the situation where I always feel like they're going to get it. There's other teams. Yeah, not as. Not as well.

[Cousin Sal]

You got the kicker massaging his scalp in all different OCD directions on the sideline. You're like, yeah, he's not ready. Jaden, just. You're gonna have to take a snap here.

[Bill Simmons]

Sorry. Yeah, he's. His figures are embedded. Jaden Daniels. We have a lot of Washington fans in our life. This is just one of the most unbelievable turnarounds I can remember we had. Even when this happened to the Pats fans with Brady, we were still immersed in that whole Brady or Bledsoe, who's the starter. And then we had this crazy Cinderella run to the super bowl which you lost a lot of money on. And even at the end we were like, okay, Brady, I guess he's good. But this Jaden Daniels thing, this is. If you're just talking about the elite QBs that you feel the best about. He just has to be in the first sentence now with all these other guys. It's one of the best rookie years I can remember.

[Cousin Sal]

And I'm with you with that. We went over who the others like.

[Bill Simmons]

But he's on that Mahomes 2018 level of like, this guy's here now and he's gonna be here for 20 years.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay, but if. If Joe House was just getting really loud and obnoxious with us, could we. Could we throw the hey, remember RG3 card? Adam, will we be able to do that? Like. Or is this.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, they were excited about him for over a year.

[Bill Simmons]

I know, but we were there for the RG3 thing. It was really fun to watch.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

This is different. And first of all, this guy's pulling out huge wins. He's this double threat. He's incredibly accurate. I have a lot of regrets. Like, I really wish. I know we say this after the fact, but I really wish I had had put more thought at the nobody believes in us part with Washington because you could feel it in the game, and especially the quotes after, like, that team's got a chip on its shoulder. And I. I don't know, I felt like looking back, a team that has a shitty defense or a mediocre defense, whatever you want to call the Lions defense, favored by a big spread against a team that's clearly good offensively, that completes a lot of passes and can run the ball. I'm never doing that again. I'm taking the underdog the next time.

[Cousin Sal]

You got to write that down. We're not going to remember.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to add that to the playoff manifesto. It's like, bad defense team that completes 70% of its passes and doesn't turn the ball over. The other thing that happened, which I don't know if that's going to get momentum this week or not, but Kingsbury, the Washington oc, grew up in Texas. Yeah. Like, could that be the Cowboys coach? And when you watch what he's done with Daniels and with Washington's offense, is that a better option than some of the options I've seen, which you showed me in Shakespeare, of course.

[Cousin Sal]

Robert Salah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

That. That list I showed you was the Shakies of coaches list, by the way. It's really. Yeah, it was Robert Sala. It was. I mean, Flores was in there. Kellen Moore.

[Bill Simmons]

I really.

[Cousin Sal]

Deion Sanders, of course. Jason Whitten. I guess we're just trying Jason's. Until one of them works. Like, I don't freaking know. Yeah. Bring Kingsbury in. No. And people didn't want to interview him. Right. Like, the Steelers passed on him last year for defensive coordinator. Three teams didn't even want to hear from him this year. It's a little strange.

[Bill Simmons]

It went awful for him in Arizona, and there's a chance it went awful because maybe there was stuff. Maybe that's a weird organization, weird quarterback, but I think it's tough.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, Kyle.

[Bill Simmons]

Looks like I can't really 100% hanging on him for that. All right, we're going to take one more break for the pod and we're going to do Guess the Lines. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. You sign up for something, forget about it after the trial period ends, then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. Thanks to Rocket Money, you can see all your subscriptions in one place. Cancel the ones you're not using anymore. Now you're saving money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. You have so many of these monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all of your subscriptions in one place. Know exactly where your money is going for ones you don't want anymore. Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Rocket money over 5 million users, they've saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all the app's premium features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Bill today. That's RocketMoney.com Bill this episode is brought to you by Peloton. Life's always changing. One season you're trying to break personal records, and the next you're just looking for a solid routine. Peloton is here for all of it, with workouts that flex to fit your schedule. Whatever it looks like, you've got options from four week strength programs to running, cycling, and everything in between. Peloton's got the tools to adapt to whatever goal you're chasing in this season of your life. And here's the real kicker. With Peloton's All Access membership, you can work out wherever you need to at home, on the bike, tread or row, or even on the go with the app. Take your favorite classes with you, to the gym, on the road, wherever. So whatever you're aiming for, that 5am club or squeezing in a late night session, Peloton is ready whenever you are. Find your push. Find your power with [e-mail] so before we do guest the Lions, we were all together. Yeah, we went to Shakey's today. The original Shakey's we used to go to Shakey's Pizza, which we've joked about for years and years in this pod was on Santa Monica in a not awesome area of Hollywood. And we used to go there, and it was pretty grim. Well, that's gone. It did not survive Covid. And there's a chance it could have started Covid. We're not sure. It either started in Shakey's in Santa Monica. So we had to go to Shakey's on Sunset boulevard, past the 10 pastor. Netflix is little down further, going toward the Scientology place. And we all went, and it was a really nice time. They had a lot of TVs and it was pretty clean. And it wasn't the shaky as I was accustomed to.

[Cousin Sal]

I pulled into the parking lot. There were some models, cars that were. That seemed like they were made, you know, after 1979, to be driven of.

[Bill Simmons]

More than 20 minutes.

[Cousin Sal]

Right? And it was. It was clean. The bathroom, I. I clenched my fist, but it was good. And you know, food still, whatever. But it's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

We'll post. We'll post on Instagram. We took a shaky.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Shake. His team photo.

[Cousin Sal]

I wasn't gonna go. And then Jon Hamm's like, you're going, right? I'm like, this is kind of weird. If this guy who's in like 700.

[Bill Simmons]

Movies currently and it just died in Landman. It felt like we had to go.

[Cousin Sal]

Pay our Son of a. I'm well behind. Why would you do that then?

[Bill Simmons]

It was the season. That was a week ago. It's. It's a spoiler.

[Cousin Sal]

A little bit. A little bit? I don't know. I mean, it's the first time I'm hearing it. All right, that's fine. I mean, he looked good today. I don't know. You're saying he died?

[Bill Simmons]

Is that a spoiler, Kyle? Is that. Did I just spoil Landman?

[Cousin Sal]

It came out a week ago on Sunday.

[Bill Simmons]

How long do I have to wait? It was a week ago, Kyle.

[Cousin Sal]

At least eight days, it turns out.

[Bill Simmons]

I think you could call it a spoiler.

[Cousin Sal]

I think you could. You could definitely call it really, Kyle.

[Bill Simmons]

Can we find out in the chat? Do people. Are they in the YouTube chat? Do they. Whatever.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm with you. Like two years is, you know, if you. If you're telling people the Sopranos, I'm.

[Bill Simmons]

Going to chat, what are they saying? Nothing.

[Cousin Sal]

Give Jack Wilson's number. Let him find out if this is a spoiler.

[Bill Simmons]

Tome says, yes, that is a spoiler. One week is not enough. Matt Smith says Massive spoiler. Two weeks is the window. Did we decide that? Was that one of President Biden's last, last, last verdicts?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Before he fell into the cement.

[Cousin Sal]

He's not going to pardon you, I hope in his last few hours here. I guess two weeks is for two weeks notice. You get two weeks notice, right.

[Bill Simmons]

God damn. I guess I spoiled. Sorry. The YouTube got great. My bad. My bad, everybody. I. Jared Goff, the podcast.

[Cousin Sal]

Did he die at Shakey's? What happened? Mojo potatoes.

[Bill Simmons]

It was. I wasn't positive he died, which means that they could always bring him back next season.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

Good ham. Seemed in good spirits, though. I think he had a good time.

[Cousin Sal]

It's fun. And Brad went after you about your documentary. We don't have to go.

[Bill Simmons]

He did the details.

[Cousin Sal]

Opinion?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Shaky. Where you go for C minus pizza and to get berated by.

[Bill Simmons]

It was great. There was a moment where it felt like an LA sports bar. There are people rooting for the Rams.

[Cousin Sal]

It's true.

[Bill Simmons]

There was a basketball game on and one side I was like, all right, Shakers. Yeah, Yeah. I walked to and from to Shakeys. And there are a couple dangerous, couple interesting moments in the way. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Well. And especially since you didn't even know what kind of shakies you were walking into. Although I guess you knew the neighborhood, so it wasn't as. Yeah, it wasn't as scary.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I was watching. I did this yesterday too. I was walking, watching the game on YouTube TV, which I love YouTube TV. I'm so mad I didn't have it. But I'm not just saying that because we've done stuff with them.

[Cousin Sal]

By the way.

[Bill Simmons]

I really like it.

[Cousin Sal]

You heard the hack there where you could turn off the 15 second delay.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

That's amazing.

[Bill Simmons]

How do we not know about that?

[Cousin Sal]

I know. They should let people know. I mean, that wouldn't count as a spoiler. That would actually be something good for everyone.

[Bill Simmons]

But I was thinking of. Because eventually I'm gonna die by getting hit by a car in LA somewhere when I'm walking because I'm gonna be looking at my phone and somebody's just gonna pancake me. But it will probably 50% chance it's during a football game that I'm watching on my phone and I'm just walking across the street and it's like, what happened to Bill? Yeah, that was it. It finally happened. It's either that or me not wearing a seatbelt somewhere are going to be the two ways I go.

[Cousin Sal]

I can't imagine the idea of Burning calories while watching a football game. I have to take.

[Bill Simmons]

It's really liberating.

[Cousin Sal]

A bite of something every play.

[Bill Simmons]

And I gotta say, every time Collinsworth talked, I was walking faster. I was like, Collinsworth just giving me energy. It was like a Gatorade.

[Cousin Sal]

Interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

He's having a great time.

[Cousin Sal]

We wanted to dive into traffic.

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't walk during the braided thing. Yeah. But yeah. Cause I didn't. Because that was the going to UFC yesterday, which I want to talk about after we do guest alliance. Guest alliance. So let's set up the drama for guest alliance. You haven't beaten me since 1932. Right before World War II.

[Cousin Sal]

Right before that.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. You. You are up one week.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm up one week.

[Bill Simmons]

So I can still win. I have to win this week. And I have to hit the super bowl and beat you both weeks basically to win. You could clinch. You could beat me this week. And I honestly don't remember the last time you've. You've won.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't either. And it's. It's going to be liberating when I could smack you with a Subway sandwich. Although I'm almost positive you're going to guess these two exactly right. Look at you. You can't even hide it.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I. I didn't even. I forgot to make a guess for the other one. I have the Eagles. Washington.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, so that's the earl of game. That's three Eastern.

[Bill Simmons]

Three Eastern. Fox, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, so I'll just give you my thought process. It's in Philadelphia. Philadelphia was favored by six and a half against the Rams. Now they're playing Washington, a team that's done pretty well against them. I think the line has to be less than six and a half and I'm going to say Eagles by five. Vegas zone.

[Cousin Sal]

You're going to be mad at me because it did an hour ago was four and a half and I had guessed five and a half. And I swear on my kids, I like at least two of them. It's five and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

It's five and a half right now.

[Cousin Sal]

It's five and a half right now.

[Bill Simmons]

God damn it.

[Cousin Sal]

So I get that. So you have to get this one to push.

[Bill Simmons]

So now you basically clinched at least the tie from clinch.

[Cousin Sal]

The tie. Yeah. And what's tiebreaker? I think I have better common opponents, so I think I'm going to win anyway.

[Bill Simmons]

Better schedule. Yeah. A sadder last 10 years, I'll tell you this, than me.

[Cousin Sal]

I was off by a full point here. No, I was off by a half a point. But. But you could get this.

[Bill Simmons]

Kansas City hosting the Buffalo Bills. I thought about putting this in the ticks tax zone and I'm not going to. I'm going to say Chiefs by two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yes. Champion, baby. What is it two? It's one and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

You should have put that fucking in.

[Cousin Sal]

The tic tac zone.

[Bill Simmons]

Is it two and a half right now? Now I'm looking. Hold on.

[Cousin Sal]

It's one.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't trust you. Yeah, I don't trust you. I'm looking right now. FanDuel.

[Cousin Sal]

Go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

America's number one sportsbook.

[Cousin Sal]

Spoiler alert.

[Bill Simmons]

I win one and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

This is nice. I feel good. My heart's like pumping a little bit for the first time all day.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow. So Washington to 11 and a half. Chiefs to plus four and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Be careful.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I'm just. Just spitballing.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that's probably right. Why don't we have to tease it? We could pick two winners, put Ohio State on top.

[Bill Simmons]

I felt that way about the Ravens and turned out it wasn't a winner. It was a big L loser. Well, congratulations.

[Cousin Sal]

Thanks, buddy.

[Bill Simmons]

I know nobody's happier for you than Dave Jacoby.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. We did it. Jacobs. Listen, I'll trade knowing the ending of Landman for my first title in three decades.

[Bill Simmons]

So spoiler alert is two weeks?

[Cousin Sal]

I would think so. I think that's a fair place to start is this.

[Bill Simmons]

President Trump has weighed in on this. Our new president started tomorrow. Can that be one of his first rulings? Is the spoiler alert ruling?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Funny with the stuff with you and I trying to figure out Lamar Jackson over props and some 15 year old makes like $35 million overnight buying a freaking coin.

[Bill Simmons]

The hawk to a hawk to a co disappear after a crypto thing, I.

[Cousin Sal]

Got my wife the hawk to a coin for Christmas. I haven't checked on it. I imagine it's not.

[Bill Simmons]

It's not doing well.

[Cousin Sal]

What?

[Bill Simmons]

It's not going badly.

[Cousin Sal]

Another spoiler out of Bill. Thanks.

[Bill Simmons]

Not. It's. It's in bad shape. This edition of Parent Corner is brought to you by hookah and bondi9, their new daily trainer. So you go first and then I'll go.

[Cousin Sal]

All right. So my 11 year old Harrison, we've. We've talked about him a couple times already. So he and his class have what's called puberty night. Where all the fifth grade boys go through puberty in the same night. No. Where they get together and I Was.

[Bill Simmons]

Scared for a second.

[Cousin Sal]

No, no, I know. It's nothing like that. No, they. But some instructor comes in every Friday for six weeks and talks to them about, you know, lectures them about, like, the. The body and the biological growth and the birds and the bees and everything like that. And it rotates at different houses. And it's going to be at our house next week. I think it's next week is our. Our Friday. And I'm not invited to any of these. Like, last Friday or the Friday before there was football. It was college football. So I. I wasn't there. And last Friday, I was up, but I'm not invited. My wife has prohibited me from going because she thinks I'm going to make a mockery out of it. She's like, no, you're too immature. I was like, well, what are you talking about? She's like, well, you know, like, what.

[Bill Simmons]

Are you talking about? Here's 178 examples.

[Cousin Sal]

She said, well, I had to know. She's like, well, some of the fathers. I'm like, the father. The fathers are there. It's like, yeah, like, they'll stand up and talk about, like, you know, the first time they had a boner in class or something. Like, wow, that seems fine. I could do something like that.

[Bill Simmons]

They're like, next, Jimmy Kim alive.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm like, you're going to go over the top. You're going to be too over the top. You're going to embarrass him in front of his friends, and that's going to be that. It's not good. So I don't know. Of course she's right. Of course they're right. But I want to see this, because I want. When it's at our house, I want to make hot dogs. I want to serve hot dogs. I think that'll be appropriate. But I think, like, I don't know. Am I too immature for this?

[Bill Simmons]

Yes. I watch you. During Jimmy's wedding, you tried to chef Dixon into the wedding cake and knock over a $25,000 wedding cake.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, that was one of the more mature things I ever did. No, that wasn't good. I think I should do this.

[Bill Simmons]

Have we. We've told that story before. I don't think, like, Dixon, if he. He was almost like. He was like, no, you tried.

[Cousin Sal]

It was like a demoni mind trick.

[Bill Simmons]

He was Jaden Daniels on the rpo, like, just reading the defense. He saw you out of the corner of his eye, and he jumped to. He jumped out of the way, and.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't Know, the referees would have called it me for.

[Bill Simmons]

He would have flapped right into the.

[Cousin Sal]

Cake even though I didn't talk. Yeah, he knew the cake was coming. No, but like, Harrison, like, he asked my wife, he said, like, she. After all this, he asked her, when was your first wet dream? Like, the kid's obviously confused. She's like, no, she answered it was 1996, which is bad news for me. No. So anyway, these kids have a lot of questions. I don't know if I could help out, but I'm not allowed.

[Bill Simmons]

Wait, how old is Harrison now?

[Cousin Sal]

He just turned 11.

[Bill Simmons]

This feels early. What's going on in Manhattan Beach?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I don't know. Is that early?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I remember I was reading a Judy Bloom book when I was a kid. Remember Judy Bloom?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, sure.

[Bill Simmons]

And there was a wet dream reference in the book. And my dad was driving, and I was reading the book in the pastor scene. I was like, dad, what's a wet dream? Like, I didn't know. And he was like, ah. I was like, steering traffic.

[Cousin Sal]

I think that's what A.J. brown was reading on the sidelines.

[Bill Simmons]

Inner excellence.

[Cousin Sal]

How did you find out? I mean, to friends and everything else, but was there, like. I do remember going to, like, a parent night. I think it was fifth grade. Like a. Where somebody set.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't remember. I just don't remember school talking about this.

[Cousin Sal]

Just health class. Not until. Yeah, middle school.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I remember, like, eighth grade was when. When that dialogue started. So anyway, you're banned from this parent night so far.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know what I have to do to prove myself, but what do.

[Bill Simmons]

People in the chat. This YouTube chat's kind of fun. Yeah. That apparent? Somebody said it's called embarrassing the children 101. Um, my parent corner. I took. I took Ben to UFC last night, and it was at the Intuit Dome, where the Clippers play, which is my favorite arena. I sound like I'm a show. I love it the whole time. No, I'm in. Oh, I'm in. I love it. And running a Corolla, and Corolla's all excited. And I'm with Ben and C. Croll, and Crow is like, I got a special guest. It is a special guest. You're going to be surprised. I'm like, is it Joe Biden? He's like, not as high as Joe Biden, but high. Almost as high. I'm like, all right. And it was Kevin Costner.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

So we're in this row, and Corolla is sitting between Kevin Costner and Mel Gibson. And then a couple seats down is Anthony Kiedis, the Red Hot Chili Peppers lead singer. And sitting next to him is my son Ben. Cause we were in this row of seats, and he's just, like, talking to the Red Hot Chili Peppers guy. Watching ufc, and it's like the greatest night of his life. He's been waiting for this UFC card forever. And I was like, this is pretty cool. Like, I'm glad. You know, we spend a lot of time together, obviously, but I was like, I'm glad we could do this. And he's really pumped. It's nice that. So just when I think we've peaked, Pereira's there.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, nice.

[Bill Simmons]

Like our favorite guy. He's sitting over to the left. So now he's like, staring him down. And he's like, how do we get the picture? How do we. Like, we're just trying to figure out the prayer picture. But he's sitting and there's like a barrier in front of him. There's people. And now I'm like, what happens if we go over? Do we do, like, get Ben in the selfie? Like, how do we do it? And also, the guy doesn't speak English. There's no way he knows who I am. And ended up bailing on it and not being able to do it. But for the last two hours, just trying to figure out, can we get the prayer picture? So then we found out after that Frank Ocean was there, who is one of Ben's favorite artists, who never leaves his house. He's like a recluse. And it was like he was there too. So Ben's like, maybe it's not true. Cause he saw it on freaking Snapchat or whatever. So we're leaving after, and we're in the bottom where all the cars are, and O'Malley's coming out, and he's dressed like a crazy person in a good way. Ben's like, this is it.

[Cousin Sal]

We gotta get.

[Bill Simmons]

And so we get. We get the. We got the O'Malley picture. So it was a level B. It was great. It was one of the best pictures he's gotten. But we didn't get Pereira. How should we have attacked the Pereira picture, in your opinion?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, how far away was he?

[Bill Simmons]

He was like, we were. We were on one thing. So he was like, probably 90. We were sitting at 6:00. He was at 9:00.

[Cousin Sal]

Basically, I think you just gotta ambush. I hate to say, you gotta just be that scary.

[Bill Simmons]

He had a huge guy next to him, like, huge, scary guy. Next to him.

[Cousin Sal]

And that guy, he was really into.

[Bill Simmons]

Because Hill and Yuri were fighting. So he was, like, locked in like a motherfucker for that fight, like. Cause he's beaten both those guys.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Maybe you corralled Mel Gibson to put him in some kind of chokehold, like Lethal Weapon 2 or something, the Bodyguard. And then we should get.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, then he came over to take a picture with Mel, So that was another thing. So he was, like, 15ft away, but there was, like, 10. So we just couldn't pull it off. Yeah, but that was the most. That was the single most exciting celebrity that I've seen, Ben, from an excitement standpoint, really, that we've been in the same room with. And we've. You know, we went to a lot of cool wrestling events. You were with us for a couple of months.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. He had a Bella girl twerking about.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, we had Nikki Bella twerking 8ft from him, 2ft from us.

[Cousin Sal]

Where does it. So, 1 to 10, what's wrestling? What's UFC for him?

[Bill Simmons]

UFC's at 10 right now, right? Wrestling was a 10 when he was, like, from age 6 to age 7 or something.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Now it's like a 5. UFC is like a full, complete 10. But the funny thing with Pereira, because part of it was, you know, if it's like, an actor, right. If it was like, whoever, you'd be like, all right. We go over, like, you know, they'll do it. But Pereira is just as intimidating when you're just watching him just exist as he is when he's in the ring. He was just motionless, staring at the two guys, and he doesn't move. It's like watching Michael Myers. So it's not like the number one guy. You just want to be like, hey, buddy, can I get a picture? Because it looks like he's just about to kill somebody at all times. I was riveted by him.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, Like, Nick Diaz has that look, too. Nate Diaz. But he's also a little more approachable to it. Right. I know. It's just.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Pereira's locked in.

[Bill Simmons]

The two best fights were Yuri and Hill. That was just a savage. Light heavyweight is such a great weight class. The guys just beat the shit out of each other. Every punch or kick seems like it could end it. And then Rob came out, and just from the moment he came out, he stole the show. He had the crowd, and the crowd was. Was for at least a couple of matches, incredibly loud and really into it. They were in with Merab, like. Like, he Had. They were just, like, living and dying with. Every time he did it. It was great. I had a great time. The main event sucks, but main events suck. That. That wasn't their fault.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, they had a move. Yeah, that's. That was great. I mean, that was supposed to be. He was supposed to be. Minus 450. Did anyone there, including you, after the Lions lost, put Talbot on a big moneyline parlay? Minus 1100. Oh, yeah. And he lost.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, you did that?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. He lost. That was. He got killed. But anyway. No, but that's great. That's fun. And Adam, and he's a member of Qanon now. Ben.

[Bill Simmons]

Adam, he came over a few times, and he was progressively less sober each time and having a great time. One of the funny things about UFC is after the fight, a guy loses, you know, in the crowd, they'll. They'll cheer one guy or the other guy, but then they lose, and they'll. Sometimes they'll interview the loser, and the crowd are still, like, booing the guy. It's bad enough the guy just lost. Like, he's, like, reevaluating his career, and it's like, yeah, let's bring him in. And they're fucking booing him.

[Cousin Sal]

Everyone becomes an Eagles fan all of a sudden.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's really. It's. UFC is great. It's like one of the best in person things. The crowd's hilarious. Everything about. It's really.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm glad it worked there, and I'm glad they kept it there. I know they were talking about switching it because of what's happening in la, but I'm glad they showed that it could work, and I'm glad it was a good. It sounds good puberty night, that's for sure.

[Bill Simmons]

They properly did the whole. They paid tribute and all that stuff. All right. The Bondi 9 delivers peak plushness for everyday Miles. Overhauled from top to bottom. They've increased the stack height and added a new premium foam midsole to deliver that soft, resilient ride that's become synonymous with the Bondi. Everybody. Bondi. Visit h o k a.com to learn more about the Bandai 9.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, you're gonna have to say peak plushness again. That. That came out like Collinsworth doing. Doing the rush.

[Bill Simmons]

Multiple people texted me today that I got it, too. He slowed down on pass rush. Yeah, he really kind of paused between the two words. Yeah. So you think somebody talked to him?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, but then he was right back to pronouncing it incorrectly. So it's There is good in the world.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that's it for the podcast.

[Cousin Sal]

That's it, man.

[Bill Simmons]

That's it. Next time I talk to you. Yeah. Guess the lines. I. We're just going to play it out of pride, I guess. The.

[Cousin Sal]

We'll still do it. It'll be like the Pro Bowl. Whatever. It's fun. Hey, you tried, kid. You really did. I'm going to go on a nice.

[Bill Simmons]

What a win for you.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm very excited. I don't have to sweat out the Super Bowl.

[Bill Simmons]

It's funny. You're wearing the Mets hat. Yeah. You don't have to sweat out the super bowl, the Cowboys. And neither of us have to sweat out baseball because the Dodgers are just, I guess, going to win the next next five World Series.

[Cousin Sal]

Trying to figure it out. And like. Like, we used to like the Dodge. You know, we talked about the Yankees of the, you know, the. Whatever, the Jeter team and everything.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. The 90s, early 2000s Giambi, Kevin Brown and Randy Johnson, they hated it.

[Cousin Sal]

But the, you know, Pettit. Well, all those guys mostly, and Jeter came through the farm system and, like, you respected that. And now you just sign any free agent and you're. You're like, all right. Yep. Tax us. Whatever it is, we'll bring it back. Because Japanese players, Japan will take care of us.

[Bill Simmons]

We're just printing money over in Japan.

[Cousin Sal]

They're going to spend money.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

So we're trying to figure out what the equivalent of that is like with Dubai. Like, if the Red Sox sign, like, three players from Dubai.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. Like a lefty reliever from Dubai, who becomes the most popular person in Dubai.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Who cares if they're any good? You got all Dubai watching and spending money on it.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the other thing we thought of was how the Seattle Mariners really missed this because they had Ichiro. They were way ahead of the game. They knew how much this stuff's worth, and they should have just been like, we're the Japanese American team. Everyone in that country will root for the Mariners. They will associate their best guys with us, and we'll just overpay for every guy. And instead, they just gave that to the Dodgers.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, you're right. And that's a good spot for, you know. Yeah. Asian Americans, like, flourish there. That would have been a good spot. Yeah. They lost their basketball team, but that might have been the second worst decision, not capitalizing on that.

[Bill Simmons]

They had it. Ichiro was huge.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Anyway, so we're not going to have to care about baseball. I'm on the fence. I might drop out of League of Dorks.

[Cousin Sal]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

Hence, I've been talking about it. Yeah. It's too hard. It's too old.

[Cousin Sal]

What do you mean?

[Bill Simmons]

What.

[Cousin Sal]

How do you have to change your lineup multiple times a week?

[Bill Simmons]

No, it's just I. We haven't won in a few years. It makes me feel bad about myself. I really want to reevaluate some of my fantasy league stuff. I'm in too many fantasy football leagues.

[Cousin Sal]

You love the Guillotine though, right? The guillotine's good.

[Bill Simmons]

Guillotine was good.

[Cousin Sal]

That's staying.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Guillotine was good. I think we have to figure out our version of that. But have you gotten sad about no football yet?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I'm starting to get like, you know, no. No three team teasers anymore. Right. Unless you.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah. Unless you do, like the Unders.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that. That's another, like, milestone part of my year where it gets. Gets very sad. But what are you going to do the Masters back?

[Bill Simmons]

I. I'm going to the Masters.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, we are going.

[Bill Simmons]

If Fanduel comes through, we're going to the Masters.

[Cousin Sal]

That's a challenge. I think they will. I think they're going to come.

[Bill Simmons]

I think they will. Well, the thing we're. We're having, we have a very special guest coming with us this year, potentially.

[Cousin Sal]

Is it Kevin Costner?

[Bill Simmons]

No, it's going to be James. Baby Doll Dixon.

[Cousin Sal]

I love it. Now, you said he wasn't as excited as when he got the invitation, as you thought he should be.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a weird one. He always clears it with the wife. He won't just say yes. He'll say it's a hesitant yes. I will let you know for sure tonight because. And he's very happily married. I think this is one of the reasons he never makes decisions where I'm going away for a week without making it a collaborative effort. It's something to aspire to. Or you could just call him a giant wuss. Like, I don't know which side you want to be on that.

[Cousin Sal]

But I think the reason he does it more than anything is because he knows you. And I can maybe talk about it on the podcast and then he can maybe play it back to her like, you see, sweetheart? You see what I did? It's all for you. It's going to be fun. I'm going to push him into a cake if I see one. I can't wait.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, watching him and the Masters on Augusta without a cell phone is going to single handedly bring Me out of the funk of that. We started out here in January where it just seems like this is going to be the worst year ever. But now it's giving me hope and strength because you have to give your cell phone at the front. But I know he's going to bring, like, three cell phones. He'll have one, like, in his shoe. He'll have, like, almost like when people in prison movies put, like, a shank in their shoe. He'll have, like, a iPhone in his shoe somehow. There's no way he's not going to have a phone for eight hours.

[Cousin Sal]

That's where I'll pounce. I'll blow the whistle on him right there. I'm like, hey, he's got his phone and his shoe.

[Bill Simmons]

Check him one more time.

[Cousin Sal]

You got to check. Keep checking him. Yeah, he does do that because we've been to, like, movie premieres and not movie premieres, like concerts or something where you have to check your phone in that pouch and he go through it and everything. And then, like, 20 minutes away, he's like, baby, I'm not gonna let them take that. You kidding? Like, what are you talking about? You're in the same line as me. How did you just pull that off? So, yeah, so what would he.

[Bill Simmons]

So if he does check the phone, but he'll have a pack of cigarettes.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that was my next question for you.

[Bill Simmons]

One pack or two? He'll just have one, Right?

[Cousin Sal]

You could blow smoke as Scotty Scheffler's doing his back outdoors. Yeah. All right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Nephew Kyle.

[Cousin Sal]

He.

[Bill Simmons]

He smoked. He smoked in the Masters. Yeah, he was very excitedly. He loved it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Cause you're not holding a phone. I might start smoking, too.

[Bill Simmons]

There's so many great possible variables. It's really giving me strength. Like. Like him. Him. Him getting super golf analyst y as we watch guys on the sixth hole and him repeatedly telling us how hard the shot is and doing all that stuff. It's going to be great. You shoving him into the gallery.

[Cousin Sal]

It's going to be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

This nine.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Look at. Rory's using that nine iron now. He could probably make. I have my nine irons better. It's a higher quality. He might be able to use his, you know, more skillfully, but mine's better. Mine's, you know, mine's made in Prague. We're going to have fun. It'll be good.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't wait.

[Cousin Sal]

He might leave early. He might actually leave early.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you mean?

[Cousin Sal]

I might drive him so crazy that he's just like on a plane. Like it foregoes the last couple.

[Bill Simmons]

When was the last time you were in a house with him?

[Cousin Sal]

It was one of the bachelor parties. Might have even been Jim.

[Bill Simmons]

We're talking like 10, 12 years ago.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bill Simmons]

So he's going to have to demand he stays in a house that has a lock on the bedroom door that he's in.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Because otherwise horrible things are going to probably happen.

[Cousin Sal]

I have a fun video where I threw water on him when he was taking a nap. Remember that one was like in a bathroom. And I'm like, baby, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I was like, what the fuck you mean you're kidding? I'm soaking wet.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, man. All right, cuz. Congrats on the guest alliance title this year.

[Cousin Sal]

Thank you, buddy.

[Bill Simmons]

Good job by you.

[Cousin Sal]

Come by next year. You'll be right there with me. Good job by you, bud.

[Bill Simmons]

That's it for the podcast. Thanks to Kyle and Saruti and Gehao for producing. Remember, you can watch all the stuff we do on this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel. And we'll also be, I think starting in February officially will be a video podcast on Spotify. So only a couple weeks left until that happens. New Rewatchables Rewatchables Mailbag going Monday night. So stay tuned for that. That will also be on the ring of movies YouTube channel as well. And as for the schedule for this podcast, probably not a podcast on Tuesday night, but definitely two more podcasts over the course of of the of the week. So that's the schedule you will hear from me at some point midweek. Stay safe.

[Cousin Sal]

On the.

[Bill Simmons]

Must be 21 + in President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President D.C. gambling problem. Call 100 Gambler or visit RG D help.com call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gambling helpline ma.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text hopeny in New York.