The Bill Simmons Podcast: "Cincy Fails Burrow, the Boring Eagles, Guess the Lines, and Crawford’s Brilliance With Cousin Sal"

Date: September 15, 2025
Host: Bill Simmons
Guest: Cousin Sal

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the latest NFL action following Week 2, focusing on the Cincinnati Bengals’ inability to protect Joe Burrow (leading to a significant injury), the lackluster but efficient Philadelphia Eagles, playoff scenarios, and key QB injuries. Simmons and Cousin Sal also bring their signature comedic and analytical banter to “I Give Up” segments—where they abandon various preseason beliefs—and finish with a lively round of “Guess the Lines” for NFL Week 3. The episode closes with a long-awaited discussion about Terence Crawford’s stunning win over Canelo Álvarez, followed by their usual Parent Corner stories.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Falcons vs. Vikings & J.J. McCarthy’s Struggles (05:02–09:00)

• The Falcons dominate a feeble Vikings offense, holding them to only 6 points. J.J. McCarthy had a tumultuous week (new baby, late-night game), and both hosts question how it impacted his performance.
• Sal: “Now that J.J. McCarthy hates his kid, right. That’s the only… What can we take from that otherwise?” (05:29)
• Both rank the NFC South as surprisingly scrappy, with the Falcons and possibly Seattle looking playoff-worthy in a weak back-end NFC.

2. The Joe Burrow Turf Toe Injury & Bengals’ Offensive Line Woes (09:26–13:49)

• Joe Burrow suffers turf toe; the mood is pessimistic as surgery could sideline him until December.
• Bill: “It’s like being the biggest cocaine distributor in Colombia but not having any security guards for the cocaine.” (13:15)
• Both hosts lambaste Bengals’ front office for failing to protect Burrow year after year, despite paying him $50M/year.
• Replacement QB Jake Browning is noted as a “feast or famine” backup.

3. AFC Playoff Picture Without Burrow (14:09–15:46)

• With Cincinnati in trouble, Simmons ponders who can nab the AFC’s 7th seed: Bills, Baltimore, an AFC South team, or even the Patriots or Raiders? The field is wide open due to the mediocre middle tier.

4. Jacksonville Jaguars & Trevor Lawrence Unreliability (16:09–19:33)

• Discussion of Lawrence’s volatility inside the red zone—TD, pick, fumble all possible any play.
• Some missed opportunities from new WR Brian Thomas Jr. and head coach’s lack of public support fuel doubts about Jacksonville’s core weapons and decision-making.

5. The Backup QB Landscape (20:22–22:20)

• Slim pickings for quality NFL backups. Jake Browning is “about as good as it gets,” surprisingly.

6. Depressed Fanbase Rankings (21:22–24:09)

• Simmons’ list: Bears, Panthers, Jaguars, Jets—teams with high expectations now seemingly adrift.
• Browns fans are described as “zombies”: “Can they be depressed anymore?” (21:52)
• Miami Dolphins’ fans place high due to “booing in the first quarter” and a disappointing start.

7. Miami Dolphins vs. Patriots Game Recap (24:09–28:18)

• Tua Tagovailoa performs statistically well (26/32, 315 yards), but Simmons remains unimpressed: “Tua just. He just doesn’t have it. He’s just not good enough. I’ve been saying this for three years, but he’s just not good enough.” (25:32)
• Rookie Drake May shows promise for New England, leading to cautious optimism.

8. The “I Give Up” Segment (33:40–55:03)

Things They’re Abandoning Post–Week 2:

• Chiefs Fatigue:
  • Sal is officially bored of watching low-scoring KC Chiefs games, suggesting they don’t deserve so many primetime slots.
  • Sal: “It takes them 11 minutes to score… since Tyreek Hill left, it’s just 21 points a game for three years.”
• Philadelphia Eagles Bore-fest:
  • Simmons finds the Eagles profoundly dull (“that game was like watching paint dry”).
  • Sal is over the “tush push” (rugby-style QB sneaks) and wants it banned:
    • “It’s fat guys shoving a world class athlete forward… let’s ban it again.”
• NFL Officiating:
  • Both hosts are frustrated by the wave of flags and inconsistent rules, especially about “leverage” penalties and the chaos around forward-pushing plays.
• Justin Fields Uncertainty:
  • Sal gives up figuring out if Fields is good: “I am done judging Justin. Can’t figure it out.”
• Travis Kelce Overexposure:
  • Bill: “He’s one of the best tight ends I’ve ever seen. He’s not the best. His wedding will be the biggest since Princess Di. I’m just good. I need a break.” (46:33)
• The Chiefs as a Contender:
  • Bill questions if they still have a real shot despite the infrastructure and Mahomes. Points to lack of pass rush and deep-ball success.
• Cowboys and Giants Honestly Just Cover Bands:
  • The Cowboys–Giants game is likened to a cheap movie with Bruce Willis and Travolta, “just cover bands playing each other.” (61:00)

9. Week 2 Standings and Cross-Off Watch (52:01–67:22)

• Lists all nine 0–2 NFL teams—Jets, Dolphins, Browns, Titans, Chiefs, Giants, Bears, Panthers, Saints.
• “Cross-off” consensus: Panthers look truly doomed, though Simmons wants to wait on Miami.

10. NFL Week 3 “Guess the Lines” (72:50–88:51)

• They riff on Vegas betting lines for every game, noting value opportunities and potential betting traps (“be careful” warnings).
• Bill reclaims victory after being “beaten” by Sal the first two weeks.

11. Terence Crawford vs. Canelo Álvarez — Boxing Brilliance (90:01–99:10)

• Sal and Simmons are in awe of Crawford’s performance:
  • Simmons: “Crawford’s one of the best fighters I’ve ever seen. If I’m making some list, he just has to be on it now.” (91:02)
• Both mourn the lack of modern rivals to give boxers like Crawford the legacies of Sugar Ray, De La Hoya, or Hopkins, but agree he’s now stamped himself as “one of the two or three most important boxers of the first 25 years of boxing.”
• They detail the incredible feat of moving up two weight classes at age 37 to defeat Canelo, with stylistic breakdowns of the match.
• Sal on boxing fandom: “It’s a shame boxing only produces a fight that we care about that doesn’t involve one of the Pauls every four years.” (93:12)

12. Parent Corner (99:47–109:46)

• Sal: Classic tale of raising money for his kid’s Cooperstown trip; his wife wins a fundraiser but gives back her share, exasperating Sal (“change it from 50/50 to 100/0!”).
• Bill: Chronicles the passive-aggressive mess of negotiating dinner plans via family group texts (“It was like the Iran-Contra hearings, 700 texts that led to me eating a B-minus chicken parm at 9:30 at night.”).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Burrow Analogy:
  • “It’s like being the biggest cocaine distributor in Colombia but not having any security guards for the cocaine.” — Bill (13:15)
• On Eagles’ Tush Push:
  • “It’s fat guys shoving a world class athlete forward… Let’s ban it again.” — Sal (37:39)
• Tua Tagovailoa Critique:
  • “Tua just. He just doesn’t have it. He’s just not good enough. I’ve been saying this for three years, but he’s just not good enough.” — Bill (25:33)
• On Watching Chiefs Now:
  • “I’m done with it. I don’t think I need to see him every time… give them the 10 am slot on the West Coast.” — Sal (35:00)
• Bored with the Eagles:
  • “That game was like watching paint dry. I wanted to take it off multi-view, but there were only three games…” — Bill (36:44)
• Travis Kelce Overload:
  • “He’s one of the best tight ends I’ve ever seen… I’m just good, I need a break.” — Bill (46:33)
• On Family Group Text Mayhem:
  • “It was like the Iran Contra hearings, 700 texts that led to me eating a B-minus chicken parm at 9:30 at night.” — Bill (107:01)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Falcons vs. Vikings Recap: 05:02–09:00
• Joe Burrow’s Injury and Bengals Talk: 09:26–13:49
• AFC Playoff Picture Without Burrow: 14:09–15:46
• Jaguars & Trevor Lawrence Troubles: 16:09–19:33
• Backup QBs: 20:22–22:20
• Depressed Fanbase Rankings: 21:22–24:09
• Dolphins-Patriots Game / Tua Mayhem: 24:09–28:18
• I Give Up Segment: 33:40–55:03
• Cross-Offs & 0–2 Teams: 52:01–67:22
• Guess the Lines Week 3: 72:50–88:51
• Terence Crawford vs Canelo Recap: 90:01–99:10
• Parent Corner: 99:47–109:46

Episode Tone & Takeaways

The episode is classic Simmons & Sal: a mix of rapid-fire, sharp analysis and irreverent humor, weaving in personal anecdotes and exasperation with NFL quirks (officiating, play-calling, overhyped teams). The section on Terence Crawford is especially appreciative, affording a genuine, glowing celebration of a rare transcendent boxing night. Parent Corner closes the pod with the hosts’ relatable gripes, rounding out an episode dense with NFL intrigue and signature Ringer absurdity.