Dallas is Done, the Rams Are Lurking, a Two-Win Stinker Logjam, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast: Detailed Summary

Episode Title: Dallas is Done, the Rams Are Lurking, a Two-Win Stinker Logjam, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Hosts:

• Bill Simmons (Host, The Ringer)
• Cousin Sal (Frequent guest)

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1. Introduction

Bill Simmons welcomes listeners to an episode focused on the peculiarities of NFL Week 9, featuring his regular co-host, Cousin Sal. They hint at discussing bizarre game outcomes, struggling teams, and engaging in their popular “Guess the Lines” segment.

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2. NFL Week 9 Recap

A. General Observations

• Bill Simmons notes the unusual nature of Week 9 NFL games, emphasizing unpredictability and unexpected outcomes. He remarks, “[00:01] Week nine NFL was super weird.”

B. Dominance of Favorites

• Cousin Sal observes, “[02:54] We've lost an hour of our lives, but I think we won money,” referring to betting outcomes where most favorites won straight up, except for the New Orleans Saints who lost by a point.
• Bill Simmons adds, “[03:21]… All of those teams suck. Except for maybe Miami… everybody else is terrible,” highlighting the poor performance of several favored teams.

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3. Struggling Teams with Two Wins

A. Team Analysis

• Bill Simmons identifies that 28% of the NFL comprises teams with records of 2-6 or 2-7, listing New England, Miami, Cleveland, Las Vegas, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Carolina, New Orleans, and the Giants.
• Cousin Sal concurs, stating, “[05:28] ...Miami might be a step up with Tua, but everybody else is terrible.”

B. Specific Team Insights

• Miami Dolphins: Showing slight improvement with Tua Tagovailoa, but still considered underperforming overall.
• Cleveland Browns: Highlighted as the most hopeless situation, with poor quarterback play from Baker Mayfield.
• Jacksonville Jaguars: Seen as slightly better than other struggling teams, but not a source of entertainment.
• New Orleans Saints: Despite a recent win streak, ongoing coaching issues and poor team performance keep them in a precarious position.

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4. Coaching Decisions and Critiques

A. Patriots and Coach Bill Belichick

• Bill Simmons praises a Patriots game for Drake May’s heroics but criticizes the team’s overall performance, mentioning, “[06:57] ... Drake is great. We love Drake. Just all we care about is Drake.”

B. Raiders and Derek Carr

• Cousin Sal criticizes Derek Carr’s performance and behavior, noting multiple interceptions and questionable decision-making. “[14:19] … everything about it feels off and not genuine to me.”

C. Eagles and Nick Sirianni

• Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal heavily critique Nick Sirianni’s coaching during the Eagles vs. Jaguars game, highlighting poor fourth-down decisions and overall game management. “[25:49] ... Sirianni is just super bad.”

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5. Player Performances and Issues

A. Quarterbacks

• Drake May (Patriots): Praised for extend plays but criticized for inconsistent decision-making. “[08:59] ... coach middle seat.”
• Trevor Lawrence (Jaguars): Criticized for falling behind by large margins repeatedly. “[30:22] … It requires more consistency.”
• Josh Allen (Bills): Noted for improving but still a source of concern.

B. Running Backs and Offensive Lines

• Saquon Barkley (Eagles): Despite impressive yardage, his usage remains unclear in critical situations. “[27:19] … they don't count on him.”

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6. Betting and Predictions: Guess the Lines

A. Betting Insights

Bill and Sal engage in their familiar betting predictions for Week 10, discussing various matchups and placing their bets based on team performances and coaching decisions.

B. Notable Picks and Quotes

• Bills on the Colts: “[10:09] I watched the Pats today with Kyle. It was the perfect Patriots game.”
• Patriots vs. Cowboys: “[22:41] They are losing.”
• Eagles vs. Jaguars: “[28:33] It was just Trevor Lawrence saying... he can win it.”

C. Outcomes and Adjustments

They reflect on past betting outcomes, discussing wins and losses, and adjusting their strategies for future bets. “[71:50] Watchables.”

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7. Parent Corner: Halloween Experiences

A. Cousin Sal’s Halloween

• Cousin Sal shares his chaotic Halloween night with his family, dealing with crowded streets, inflatable costumes, and managing kids in costume while trying to watch the Texans game. “[94:06] And it was a million kids there.”

B. Bill Simmons’ Reflections

• Bill Simmons nostalgically recounts past Halloweens, expressing frustration with modern trick-or-treating complexities and the challenges of balancing family time with sports betting. “[99:56]”

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8. Basketball Gambling and Fairly Watchables

A. NBA Betting

• Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal briefly touch upon their experiences with basketball betting, discussing favorite teams like the Bucks and Lions. “[100:50]”

B. Fairly Watchables

They highlight intriguing NBA games to watch, particularly the Clippers' recent performance and the overall state of the team. “[93:02]”

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9. Listener Interaction and Sponsor Messages

Throughout the episode, promotional segments for sponsors like Ray Ban Meta Smart Glasses, SimpliSafe, Nissan Kicks, Peloton, Iams Pet Food, Old El Paso, and Bank of America are interspersed. However, these are skipped in the summary as per instructions.

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10. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with final thoughts on upcoming games, betting strategies, and personal anecdotes about balancing sports enthusiasm with family life. Bill and Sal emphasize the unpredictability of the NFL season and the importance of staying engaged with both sports and personal commitments.

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Notable Quotes:

• Cousin Sal: “[02:54] We've lost an hour of our lives, but I think we won money.”
• Bill Simmons: “[06:57] Drake is great. We love Drake. Just all we care about is Drake.”
• Cousin Sal: “[25:49] Sirianni is just super bad.”
• Bill Simmons: “[22:41] They are losing.”

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This summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions on NFL Week 9's odd outcomes, struggling teams, coaching critiques, player performances, betting insights, and personal stories about Halloween. Notable quotes with timestamps provide direct insights into the hosts' perspectives, offering a comprehensive overview for listeners who haven't tuned in.

Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

Coming up, Week nine NFL was super weird. Cousin Sal and I are breaking it down next. This episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by Ray Ban Meta Smart Glasses. Built with Meta AI Ray Ban Meta Smart Glasses react to what you see so you can learn more about the world around you. You can also take hands free photos, videos, send messages, make video calls, even play music and podcasts straight from your glasses with Ray Ban Meta. This episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe. While you're watching your team win or lose, get home security off of your holiday shopping list because Simplisafe is already having a Black Friday sale. How is that possible? It's an easy way to protect your home and loved ones. Their active guard Outdoor protection is one of the reasons why I love using Simplisafe. It prevents crime before it even happens. Agents can see potential intruders in real time, talk to them, set off your spotlights and call police. And with Simplisafe, there's no long term contracts, no cancellation fees, and it's around $1 a day. This week only, you can take 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. Head to SimpliSafe.com BS to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Again, that's SimpliSafe with two eyes. Simplisafe.com BS there's no safe like SimpliSafe. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. I have new rewatchables coming for you. On Monday night we did Body double. It's the 40th anniversary of a Brian De Palma belated classic. This podcast went off the rails. This might be the last episode because it might get taken off of Spotify and all the other platforms because lines were crossed. But that's fine. I had a great time. It was me and Chris, Ryan and Sean Fantasy. So stay tuned for that on Monday night. You'll also be able to watch it on The Ringer Movies YouTube channel as well. Thanks to everybody who bought tickets for our live show in Denver. It sold out December 4th. Look forward to seeing everybody out there. If you like this podcast, go check out The Bill Simmons YouTube channel. Go check out theringer.com a great website as well. And on this podcast, Cousin Sal is here and we're going to talk about a legitimately goofy Week nine. Plus we're going to guess the lines for week ten. We're going to talk Halloween and a whole bunch of other stuff. First, our friends from Proj. Hello, Happy Daylight Savings. Cousin Sal. I don't know what time it is. It's like I, I feel like it's like almost midnight. It's like I've been up for 100 hours.

[Cousin Sal]

We've lost an hour of our lives, but I think we won money. I mean, when the favorites are 13 and one straight up, we had to have won money, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Is that what happened? Okay.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, we didn't, but we did.

[Bill Simmons]

I won some money. The Colts kind of hurt my feelings. We just watched a Sunday night Flacco versus Darnold battle. Did the Colts cross the 20? Did he say that near the end they never crossed the 20?

[Cousin Sal]

He said they didn't take a snap inside the 20. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

So the Colts were also on daylight savings time. This was a messed up day. All the favorites won straight up, except for the New Orleans Saints, who lost by a point. So any conceivable tease you have that didn't have the Saints in it basically covered. We saw some bad coaching. We saw some pretty awful quarterback play. I can't really think of a well played, both teams playing really well game that we saw, can you?

[Cousin Sal]

No, I don't think so. I mean, even. Yeah, like the. You're going to point to the Rams. Seahawks. Right. Which was an entertaining game, but neither teams, neither team deserved to win, I don't think. I mean, the Rams, the Seahawks out, Seahawks, everybody. But yeah, well played game. Interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

Now, we had a lot of clusterfuck games. Yeah, we had a lot of roller coaster games. We had a lot of why did they do that Games. And I can't wait to go into all of them. I guess the big thing for me, Sal, 28% of the NFL right now is either 2 and 6 or 2 and 7.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow. Is that right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. These are the two win teams. New England, Miami, Cleveland, Las Vegas, Tennessee, Jacksonville Carolina, New Orleans and the New York Giants. And I thought this seemed super unusual, but I went back and I looked at some previous years and like in 2005, 13 teams won six games or less. That seems like a lot. 2003, 10 teams went either 4 and 12 or 5 and 11. So I guess it's not that unusual. But New England, Miami, Cleveland, Las Vegas, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Carolina, New Orleans and the Giants, all of those teams suck. Except for maybe Miami. Miami might be sneaky. I'm not. I know they're a cross off, but I think that last two weeks they've actually been okay. You think like they, they lost at the end to Arizona and then today they hung with Buffalo the whole Game. So they might be a step up with Tua, but everybody else is terrible.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm with you. Maybe glass half full. The number one pick usually has two wins, right? Like two or three wins.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

To have two through nine games is pretty good. I mean, I feel like these teams will end up with four, five wins. I don't know. I'm trying to be nice. They all suck. You're right. Jacksonville. Now listen, Miami will screw you. You'll take them against the spread. They'll. They'll screw you like they did today. Jacksonville will do the same. They'll do just enough to stay in it. And if you have a favorite, you're going to lose. But other than that, don't look for any entertainment value from a lot of these teams.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, they did these. The, the rankings for the number one pick, which is based on strength of schedule. When you have a long tie, New England is number one as the number one pick right now, two and seven. But strength of schedule of 471, New Orleans second, Carolina third, Cleveland fourth, Vegas fifth. And the Giants are somehow sixth, even though they have the same terrible record as everybody else. I watched the Pats today with Kyle. It was the perfect Patriots game. It was Drake May heroics, Senate to ot. Tough loss at the end. It's fine. We don't need to win those games. Drake is great. We love Drake. Just all we care about is Drake. The team's going to be bad and that's, that's how it goes. But that's when you're bad, you want to have one thing to root for. And ultimately a loss is great.

[Cousin Sal]

That's exactly right. And you know, that's a tough pivot for you and Kyle, right, Because your team wins 12, 13, 14 games every year. That's what you're used to the last decade. And now you have to root for it through this different weird lens in 2020s. That's what it is. Yeah, right. And that Hail Mary he threw from the seven yard line, I mean, really, like, it was a, it was just like a short Hail Mary. He, he extended the play. He probably would still be back there running around because I didn't feel like Tennessee like rushed anybody or did anything. But yeah, definitely fun to watch. Much more fun than my quarterback or a lot of these.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I can't wait to talk about your team. Did you see? So they've only been keeping track of this since 2016. The ESPN Next Gen, whatever it's called the Daniels Hail Mary last week and the Drake May touchdown To send the game in. OT today were the longest the quarterback has held the ball on a touchdown pass. Yeah. Drake May held it for I think like 12 seconds. And Jaden Daniels yesterday was also like. Or last week was also 12 seconds. It was unbelievable to watch. I thought they probably should have gone for two. The numbers might have been against it, especially because Drake was getting the crap kicked out of. But I feel like on the road. Go for two, decide it. It goes to our theory of if you're the other team, what do you not want them to do? And I think Tennessee is probably more scared if we're just going for two there, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think so. And you know what? You're leaving it to a coin toss. And I know nobody scored six and that's how it was, but your defense has to be spent by then. So you're, you're really. That's the other part of it, right? Don't you want to be fresh and. Okay, we have this play and like you said, you don't really care if you're winning these games anyway. I just thought that would be a good thing for Mayo, right? To like, win the locker room back over with a win. And if you lose, they lost anyway, so it didn't matter. But what you brought up before, maybe it would be fun. A cool new wrinkle that quarterbacks can't be touched for the first 12 seconds. Oh, think of the. Think of the touchdowns we were in the offense. Yeah, that's it.

[Bill Simmons]

He. It's so funny. He almost ran for a hundred yards today. He almost had a 200, 100. And our coaching staff is so bad, they run no players where he just kind of rolls out. He's so good rolling out, he can either use his legs or throw on the run. We never do it. I tweeted today about the. When it's first and 10, it's always second and 13. After first and 10, we managed to go backwards with a three yard play. Whether it's a bad screen, a run gets stuffed, something that, like, we. It's. It's coaching malpractice with this team. So I'm 99.9% sure this happened. We lose the coin toss in overtime. But then after the game, Drake May said he threw that past 60 yards that got it intercepted. It seemed like he underthrew it, but he chucked it from his own 30. The guy caught it at the 10 and he said he misjudged the win because the wind was against him. Oh, which means we lost the coin Toss. But somehow didn't take the side that had the win. Throw in the Patriots. 2024, baby. How dumb is that? This is we penalties. It's like, it's shocking when this team gets a first down and they don't have like up flags, down flag on the play.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. So do we call it the Music City meteorology report? I don't know what we call this. It really is interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know what you call it. I was trying to think who has the most hopeless situation out of those nine teams. Like even if you're Carolina at 2 and 7, Bryce wasn't awful today.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

He orchestrated a game winning drive. He was smiling at the end of the game. I don't know if that people were. There was all the trade deadline stuff the last few days and people were like, teams are calling on Bryce Young. It's like, what are they calling for? To see if they can get him for a seventh round pick. Why would Carolina give up Bryce Young? He's been there two years. Like, I wouldn't write that dude off. I think the bleakest situation is still Cleveland because they scored 10 points today. They haven't had picks for three years. That's probably the team I would not want to be out of all those. How about you?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think that's it. And all the cash restraints. Right. They're screwed with this pick, with this Watson. And you know, we try to convince ourselves that the rookies are great and the Flaccos and the Winstons are good. And then we get smacked in the face in a week like week nine. And Flacco wasn't very good. Winston was very, very bad. You know, everybody who thought Winston was going to turn the Browns around, including me, I'll have a little egg on their face. But yeah, Cleveland's in the worst spot.

[Bill Simmons]

I think he was just. Just bad. I mean, Tennessee is no great shakes, I'll tell you that. Their defense was pretty good, but they're also, I wouldn't say the best coach team. I didn't see a lot of. A lot of building blocks. Their starting center went out today. I mean, out of all those teams, you could talk me into a couple of them never winning again this season. The crazy one to me is New Orleans though, being 2 and 7. They started. Yeah. They've lost seven straight and I was. I should have prepped you on this one. But if a coach gets fired tomorrow.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Which one would you pick?

[Cousin Sal]

Who is it?

[Bill Simmons]

Because Dennis Allen's got to be the favorite right now.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm hearing McCarthy from people who are normally level headed in the Cowboys camp and everything but are also in the know. So. All right, so it's Dennis Allen. It's not going to be the Raiders. So day ball, who are my choices?

[Bill Simmons]

Day ball, Doug Peterson can't be counted out ever. Doug Peterson, Nick Sirianni. Has anyone ever been fired after a win?

[Cousin Sal]

Is that how take him out too? Yeah, that'd be interesting. I would say Dennis Allen. Derek Carr got Dennis Allen fired twice. I think he could do it again and I think it could be soon. It really could because we talk about the outlier game, like which was the one that's weird. Like you might say it was the Raiders beating the Ravens or I think the other one you would say Patriots beating the Bengals. It might have been the Saints beating the Panthers 4710 because those teams are a lot closer than 4710 back in week one. So if he's not gone this week, it's going to be sad.

[Bill Simmons]

When we had, we did a whole segment before week three about the Saints versus the 99 Rams deciding like is this real? We didn't think it was real with the 99 Rams for a few weeks. That's in the archives. People can go listen to that. Yeah, yeah. Derek Carr, he almost killed Chris Alave. I mean for real. He did the classic. Not only did he lead him into somebody who is about to pop him, but he put the ball high so he's jumping up and you can't alligator arms there because then he looked like a wuss. So he's completely extended and helpless as somebody's coming in to crush him and second concussion this year for him. I don't think we'll see Chris Alave again would be my guess.

[Cousin Sal]

No, I think you gotta, I think you gotta keep him out and I think this is three overall in the last, I don't know, two years or something. But what was the worst Derek Carr moment? Like when you almost killed your teammate after the game when you realize you lost the pathetic Panthers or when you go back to the locker room, pick up your phone and see that Michael Thomas has waged war on five straight.

[Bill Simmons]

Tweets on you just going crazy.

[Cousin Sal]

Just a NFC version of Antonio Brown just laying it out there for him and then you have to, at the press conference, you have to address it. Bad, bad day for Derek Carr.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, it got worse than that because there were, there was all these info tweets. There was one about how he'd now lost to every team in the league Right. The Raiders, they played there in December. That's. They had one where he now has the most losses of. He's tied with Archie Manning for most losses after by any QB in their 11th season. He's got like 100 and something losses. So.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Not great.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it was after. It was most losses after three, four, five, six, seven years. And it was like David, David, David, Derek, Derek Carr, all cars. And then he's got to pass Manning. But you're right with that 31. I mean that is pretty spectacular. Losing to 31 teams and he has a chance to break that. Get to 32. I think it's Raiders Week 17, I believe.

[Bill Simmons]

I was surprised that nobody had done that before. I would have thought One of these QBs that played for 20 years would have just randomly lost to every team. Like even if it was Tom Brady, I might have. I know he didn't lose that many games, but I even would have maybe believed that. But. Or like Brett Favre or like Warren Moon or Phil Rivers. You could have told me Phil Rivers did that.

[Cousin Sal]

Drew Brees, anyone who played like 10 or 12 years. Yeah, Flacco.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I guess it would be tough because the. If you're in the same conference the whole time and you're only playing like other divisions. Yeah. Once every four years.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, maybe your guy Dak can do it.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know if he's going to be around long enough. I really don't.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know this now.

[Cousin Sal]

Sure. Yeah. Get it out of the way. What do I have to do? Do I have to apologize? I guess I do because I don't see a path now. I know I did. I had a neatly paved way to go and I just were bad. And Dak is now. I'm not sure what he's saying on the sideline. He said we fucking suck or the ref suck. It could be both. He'd be right in any point. But I don't know where to start because I was wrong about the running backs. Right. I just didn't think this would be the year from hell. And yet Kellen Moore is thriving and Dan Quinn is thriving with Washington. And Tony Pollard, who had the softest thousand yards you'll ever witness last year for the Cowboys, is second in the AFC in rushing and now we have injuries all over the place.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Just disgusting. I. I'm. I'm out on them. Completely fake punt, no tack.

[Bill Simmons]

Not completely. It's. We're not even week. Week 10 yet. I just single digits.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, the problem is other Teams are winning, you know, like the Eagles. I can't give it. And Washington has got seven. They're going to have 10 wins at least. And then you're chasing Minnesota, Green Bay. They'll probably one or two teams from the NFC West. Come on.

[Bill Simmons]

Right now, The Lions are 7 and 1, Washington 7 and 2. Philly and Minnesota are 6 and 2. Atlanta and Green Bay are 6 and 3. And that's not counting any NFC west team because Arizona is 5 and 4. So there's. Those are your seven right now. So they are a full three wins behind basically everybody they have to catch.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Not good with half a season left.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, and Eagles and Texans next. That's before Thanksgiving. They have the Giant. I don't even know if they'd win Thanksgiving. I really, really sold down.

[Bill Simmons]

It feels like this was Jerry's kind of pseudo plan this whole time to not spend too much money on this year's roster. Just kind of get through it, do the smoke and mirrors thing. But ultimately, like they kind of made their own bed. Right. He went into the season without any running backs. He took the DAC contract to like the tail end of the preseason. Took the CD thing. Same thing. I don't know. He kind of knew what kind of hand he had. It felt like he brought McCarthy back for no reason. That was. We would have thought that was insane in January that McCarthy. We. When we did the pot after the Cowboys loss, we were like, who's the next coach going to be? There's no chance it was going to be him.

[Cousin Sal]

But. And this is me apologizing, but I don't. I mean, why did you think it was going to be the year from hell after 3 straight 12 win season? Was it the running back? Was it because their linebackers on paper got better? You know, they were going to have digs, he was going to be healthy. And so the defense should have been better. But was it just the running back? I sure.

[Bill Simmons]

No, there was more than that. I. I thought, I thought it was a little smoke and mar last year when we did the over unders. I think you went over and I went under and I just didn't like the look of the team and you know, neither did the betting public. I mean, the wind shifted by an entire win, which we never see. Right. Started out at ten and a half, it finished at nine and a half and there was juice on the under. It just felt like the things that made the Cowboys special, it always started with like, you have an awesome offensive line. Like, let's start there awesome offensive line. You could always kind of rush the passer. You could always score points who needed it. But it was always like the O line was the foundation of the team. And it doesn't seem like it's the same anymore. So I don't. I don't know. Other than CD Land being a top seven receiver, there's nothing.

[Cousin Sal]

There's nothing. You're right. And it is a different team when Michael Parsons isn't double and triple teamed and all he's doing is sitting out and ranking quarterbacks and he doesn't put his own in the top eight, you know, and all the Cowboys news, the Zeke Elliott stuff, everything's such a big deal and terrible, and then it ends up being a big deal and terrible.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we had. We pegged this as the hardest part of your schedule before the season.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Because you're at San Francisco, at Atlanta. Lost those. Got Philly next week, Houston at home on a Sunday night. And then, you know, it gets a little easier the second half. So I could. I could see you talking yourself into this team one more time. No, I'm just saying you're.

[Cousin Sal]

No, you're. You're talking me into them 4 and.

[Bill Simmons]

6 heading into the final stretch of the season. When you have, like, the Giants, Cincinnati, North Carolina. Get Cincinnati at home, you got Tampa at home. You play Washington twice.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. All right.

[Bill Simmons]

So win that first one in Washington. I don't see it, though. It doesn't seem.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, man, you had me. You had me and then you bailed.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I'm just trying to think. I'm trying to plan out the rest of you in the pod. And I know how. I know you love to fool yourself into thinking the Cowboys might have it.

[Cousin Sal]

I'll be fine. I'll. You know what? I'm going to be talking Mavericks a lot. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Mavericks.

[Cousin Sal]

No, no. But you're right. I just am the other problem, really. It sounds stupid, but the other teams keep winning. So then we're chasing a number. Like you said, we're three games behind and we're not even that good.

[Bill Simmons]

My biggest regret of the summer is not picking Washington to win the division. And I blame House. That's just where I've landed. I blame House because I called House and I asked him and he talked me out of it. But they just keep. This is what happens every year. It doesn't have to make sense. Right. They just, like, they didn't wash them, didn't play that well today. The Giants kind of ran all over them yeah, and they didn't made enough plays to win. They won by five. They just keep putting the wins up, keep advancing next week. They believe in their qb. There's always a video of them in the locker room celebrating after they had this crazy Hail Mary win. And it just seems like they have it. And then you have Philly, who I want to talk about after the break. But um, I'll tell you what Dallas did for me. Million dollar picks. We had Dallas to seven and a half and the over. I think 45 and a half had to go over and KU is kicking an extra point to go up. I think 15 and misses it and it becomes a 14 point game. So now I get the Cowboys cheap touchdown to cut it to seven and I'm going to cover everything at once. Right? Cowboys score with like two minutes left. They're down eight, they go for two, there's like three minutes left. When did this become a thing that you go for two down eight with under three minutes left. I've seen teams do this now three, four times. Like what's the point of this?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

It now puts pressure on the other team because they're down, you're up six instead of seven. You're going to act like more skittish. I don't get it.

[Cousin Sal]

You could stick it in front of me. The numbers that indicate it makes sense, over. And I'll just sit there with my arms fold. I'm like, I don't want to see it. This doesn't make sense. You're saying our two point attempt is better than anybody else's and it just isn't. I don't go for it.

[Bill Simmons]

They end up getting it and they lose by six and I hit my bet. So now I feel like I'm square from losing the Hail Mary game last week. Yeah, I lost the Hail Mary. I don't think I've won a Hail Mary game ever. I've been on the losing side of like five of them.

[Cousin Sal]

But yeah, no one's ever won a Hail Mary game. But I am, I am happy you mentioned coup missing and everything. I feel like we're at a good place in the season where the offenses were down and kicking, everybody was making a 59 yarder. Now the kicking is off a little bit and the offenses are good. Those early afternoon games, you know Dallas, that was 48 points and you know Baltimore put up 41. Buffalo Miami was 57 points. So I'm enjoying it a little more.

[Bill Simmons]

I agree with you. We're gonna take A break for the podcast. This episode is brought to you by the all new reimagined Nissan Kicks. From the bold new exterior to the performance and tech features like intelligent all wheel drive and a Bose Personal plus sound system. Cars where I live, I live in the Los Angeles area and cars are one of the most important things you can have cause you're in them a lot cause you gotta drive around all over the place. You know what's fun? To have a nice car for an everyday commute, to have music and the ability to do hands free stuff and just to feel safe you can do it. Drive the all new reimagined Nissan Kicks today. Head over to Nissan USA to learn more. Bose Personal plus sound system is an available feature. Bose is a registered trademark in the Bose Corporation. Intelligent all wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. This episode is brought to you by Simplisafe. It is football season, which means the holidays are coming up and actually Simplisafe is already having a Black Friday sale. So if you're worried about the safety of your home and family, now is the time to get home security. I personally like to use Simplisafe because they can stop intruders before they break into your home. That's kind of the goal. I think they take home security to the next level with their active guard outdoor protection. It's not an old school system. They only take action once somebody is already in your house. No, that's not Simplisafe. They take action before somebody gets in your house. There's no long term contracts, no cancellation fees. It's around $1 a day and it gives me peace of mind and helps me and my family feel protected. So take advantage of this Black Friday sale this week only. Right now you can take 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. Head to simplisafe.com BSToclaim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Keep your home, your family and your peace of mind protected with Simplisafe. Again go to simplisafe.com BS that is SimpliSafe with two eyes. There's no safe like Simplisafe. Okay, Eagles, Jaguars, where we had Nick Sirianni trying to out dump coach coach middle seat. It wasn't an out coach, it was an out dumb coach. What's the right verb for this? Uncoach D coach.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, miss Coach Dumbassery. I don't know what the verb would be.

[Bill Simmons]

I guess the opposite. Out coach would Be in coach.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So Sara's trying to in coach. Coach, middle seat. What a battle. I mean, I don't know how many times the Eagles didn't get it on fourth down. I don't know. They were over three on two points. They were up five near the end after they had almost blown a 22 point lead and tried a 58 yard field goal to go up eight. Didn't get it. All of a sudden the Jaguars are basically at midfield with a chance to win the game. My friend Mike Tolan was there and lifelong Eagles fan who I share Clipper tickets with, and I'm texting him through the game and I'm like, I can't believe you're there for us. And he's like, I can't either. And then as Jaguars get the ball, he texts me, it's really happening. No way we stopped them on this drive. My three friends I'm with have all vowed they're not coming back if we lose this game, like ever. And then what they didn't count on was Trevor Lawrence was like, look, I suck. There's no, there's no way I'm pulling this off. Trevor Lawrence was so bad in this game anyway. These were like, this was the Spider man meme of terribly coached, dumb, stupidly played games.

[Cousin Sal]

It was, it really was. And if there were eight opportunities to figure out fourth and one or a two point conversion, Sirianni wasn't, wasn't there for any of them. He just wasn't. And I feel like Saquon, as great as he was, 159 yards rushing and what do you have, like 40 receiving. He almost had 200 yards total. I feel like he was on some kind of weird drug. They really, they might want to investigate this because he was doing this drug. It could be the limitless drug.

[Bill Simmons]

Like he hurdled somebody backwards, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Spinning around, hurdled someone backwards, but then like took a, like dove, like a. Slid on what he thought, I think was third and one, but it was like third and sixth.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's where I thought. I thought he was trying to stay in balance to keep the clock going, but it just also felt like he could have gotten the first down and ended the game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah. I don't think he counted the false start penalty that had just happened, but yeah, yeah, that was. Yeah, that was Sirianni. I don't know how he escapes these.

[Bill Simmons]

It's bizarre, I'll tell you. So here was one of my many questions for you about this game. Who is the most entertaining fan base with a frustrating NFL team because I think it might be the Eagles. I thought the shots of the fans right during. During the game as weird shit was happening was like unparalleled. Because when they cut to like the Browns, the Browns fans, you feel bad for them. Like they're sad. They look like they're, you know, they've just been released from prison or they. Or they. They've just found out like something terrible about a relative. Like you actually feel bad. Same thing for like Buffalo fans and the other.

[Cousin Sal]

I think they feel they seem happy no matter what. I know in general they're tortured because they haven't won. But yeah, you're right so far I'm looking through. But so far you're right. It's got to be.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, because it's Eagles and Jets in the finals, right? Cause they're all wearing the goofy green jerseys. It's cold out. They kind of can't believe they spent their Sunday going to a game like this. But they. They had some of the funniest. I would have watched a whole separate TV of just like just the camera panning around, just showing the Eagles fans they couldn't believe what was happening. Cause this game was 22 nothing. They kick a pat and I think there was a penalty or maybe there's a penalty on the touchdown and it moves to the one yard line. So Sirianni is like, oh, tush push. Let's go up. 24 nothing. And they fucking stopped the tush push.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it was like, oh. Then Jacksonville scores. Somehow they pull off a two point, which was a miracle. And then. And then we have this Saquon fumble and all of a sudden it's 22, 16 in like five seconds. It's like, what just happened? And then you just kind of knew what you were in for. But man, this, this Eagles team, once A.J. brown comes out, that was it.

[Cousin Sal]

That's all I was going to say. Just.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, they just seem like a Pretty ordinary team.

[Cousin Sal]

2 for 36. He has a knee injury now, so that was rough. But yeah, you're right. Ultimately it was Trevor Lawrence saying, all right, I got to get some of these fantasy owners some points for me, but I have no intention of winning this game.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I looked this up. So Trevor Lawrence is his fifth year. Do you know how many times Trevor Lawrence has fallen behind by 20 plus.

[Cousin Sal]

Points in an NFL game? Who? Fifth year. So 64 games. 16. That's too many.

[Bill Simmons]

325 times.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow. Yeah, I was way off.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, my math might be off, but I Did. That's what the research said. Now it's like, is any quarterback down 20 more than this dude?

[Cousin Sal]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

It feels like it happens six times a season. And it. And it's almost like he wants to be down 20 because that's when he can finally, finally cook. But these two teams, you have the Eagles, who literally can't taste their own blood unless they're up 22, blowing a lead. And then you have the Jaguars, who are in a coma until they're down 22. So it was just the perfect matchup. Plus, he. Doug out there.

[Cousin Sal]

Would you say the Eagles are the second best team in the nfc or you put the Vikings ahead of them?

[Bill Simmons]

You know, I had that question for you with Packers, Lions, because I think the packers lost their number two spot today because they were really bad.

[Cousin Sal]

I think they lost it to the Eagles, unfortunately, as bad as they were. And this. This team's going to be around for.

[Bill Simmons]

Flip the question around. If you're the Lions, what team is on your radar the most in the nfc?

[Cousin Sal]

But that might just be because we don't want to play the Packers. They're a division. They're going to be a little hungrier. That might not mean that the packers are better, but until the 49ers heat up with McCaffrey, I would say. I would say the Eagles are second.

[Bill Simmons]

I think you're right. Because on paper, they do all the things you would want to be able to do in January. Right. They can run the ball. They can make some big plays down the sidelines or deep. Their quarterback can make plays in third and seven. It feels like they can rush the passer most of the time. On paper, sure. I don't trust them at all. And I think they're poorly coached.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm with you. I think more times than not, they'll figure out the third and short, which is also a huge, huge advantage in January. Right. I mean, they get to third and three now with Barkley and Tush push. We talk as heterosexual men. We talk about Tush Push way too much on a. On a Sunday. I really don't know. I don't get it.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what I don't understand about the Tush Push? People are like, it's not as good anymore because Kelsey's not the center. It's like, what does he have? Like, the strength that moms get when their child is trapped under a car and they get the strength to, like, lift the car up. Is he superhuman?

[Cousin Sal]

I don't remember.

[Bill Simmons]

So he's just that much stronger than a center that he could just collapse a defensive line for. This is the universe.

[Cousin Sal]

He would take two defensive tackles and he'd push him through the goalpost. And then everybody else would be like, what's going on with this one guy? I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, apparently he's super strong.

[Cousin Sal]

He could break a phone like no one's business.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll tell you that incredible Jaguar season, like really an all timer. I. And I feel like I've watched probably too much of their season or I've had money today. I had an Eagles tease. I had a tease in real life and a million dollar picks to sweat that fucking thing out. Eagles down to a one and a half. Didn't. Didn't know that would be a sweat fest. So this would be.

[Cousin Sal]

Set a record. I'm sorry to interrupt. For years from hell. Like how many year from hell teams are there? You know, you mentioned the seven teams whatever with two wins, but yeah, just you wouldn't have pinned this on the Jaguars or the Cowboys, you know, like, you don't think the Cowboys were going to end up with six wins, did you? And now it's looking like something like that.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, you had. What was your. Near the end of Romo, you went like 4 and 12.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

That was a bad one. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Sometimes in the NFL when it goes wrong, all of a sudden you're like, wow, we just won five on 11.

[Cousin Sal]

What happened? Right, right.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like the anchorman fight scene. It's like, oh my God, Brick killed the guy. I'll say this about Lawrence. He's just really unimpressive. He's really inaccurate. I don't think he knows where the ball's going. Sometimes he makes boneheaded decisions. Like, I was so nervous I was going to lose that tease. And on the other hand, I felt like pretty comfortable that Lawrence was the guy ready to foil it. Cause I didn't think he was going to do it. And his last drive was awful. Like his passes were spraying all over the place.

[Cousin Sal]

I think, I think like maybe I'm looking now. All right. He took off five times. Like a lot of these guys. And it drives me crazy with Dakota. But hey, we gave you all this money. Do you plan on running the ball at all? What if it's like third and six and you see nothing open except you have a big, big lane up the middle? Are you going to. You going to run? Are you going to tuck? You going to throw it into the sideline? I would love some honesty out of these guys. I Feel like we used to see Trevor Lawrence run, scramble for 15 yards more than you know. And now maybe because it's year four or five, he just doesn't want to do it anymore.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it seems like when he gets ahead of steam, it's pretty great. Kyle and I are having a lot of trouble adjusting to Drake May taking off. Cause there hasn't been a Patriots quarterback that's run like this since I was a kid when it was Steve Grogan before he blew out his knee. But he, sometimes he'll run up the middle of the line which is like Josh Allen can do that, Lamar can obviously do that. But he'll go back and if it's not there, he just goes up and all of a sudden he's a running back. And I'm just not used to it. Like oh my God, what's he doing? Oh, don't get hurt. You're nervous all the time. But his, he really did look like Josh Allen and so different moments today, like he's not quite as big as Alan is, but it's a lot of the same playbook now. He had a couple terrible throws, but you know, it's his first whatever quarterbacks.

[Cousin Sal]

Running for first downs, it's, it's exciting and he's young and you just carried.

[Bill Simmons]

Them like his offensive line was abysmal. His receivers are awful, like just awful. The running game, they was non existent. I think the, the other running backs were like 10 for 12 other NFC game because we talked about the Eagles was Packers Lions, which I was glad I didn't take a million dollar picks because House and I had talked about it for a while. We didn't know where we're getting from love. And even to the end the tease with the packers felt good. But it was like how healthy is love? Then the sloppy conditions, bad weather, but it felt like the Lions checked off another box south where all these reasons not to think they're going to win the super bowl and then you start getting to the well outdoors, bad weather, what are they going to look like? What's golf going to look like? They were fine. They dominated the game. They didn't even do that much offensively, but defensively they were really good and love was terrible. I thought it was a weirdly good win for them because it wasn't like an explosive Lions win. It was kind of like a tough guy December, January game that they pulled off.

[Cousin Sal]

Absolutely. And I don't know what happened with House between Friday and Sunday, but everybody was on the packers on the ringer. Pregame show today, like, no, this is their downfall. But I think we do this probably because we've gotten bit in the ass before, but we do this with super good teams like Detroit, you know, and Buffalo maybe, like, all right, they have to, they have to come down to earth. They're now 40 and 15 against the spread in their last 55 games. It's crazy.

[Bill Simmons]

It's 73% crazy. Number Jesus.

[Cousin Sal]

40 and 15 cover and you know, because then it's raining a little. Not that Goff had an amazing game, but yeah, they did shut them down. The defense, you're right, is the most surprising without Hutchinson. Right. They're not getting that rush, but they're still holding these, you know, they're still.

[Bill Simmons]

Making teams punt and I'm surprised without Jameson Williams. I thought their offense, their offense wasn't great today, but they made a couple of big 4th down plays and they always get just enough done to, to pull it off. It was a bad Jordan love game and I don't know how hurt he is, but he's. This is another weird. He's had a couple stinkers this year and I'm not ready to do like, are we sure Jordan loves good or any of that stuff, but I just don't think he's been nearly as good as I thought he was going to be. When you think like the promise of the playoffs last year, what he looked like, what he looked like down the stretch last year, I just don't think he's. He's been really erratic.

[Cousin Sal]

He's also hurt. I mean, you saw him, they had the opportunity, opportunity to snap the ball with the time elapsing. Right. And he just couldn't even make it up the field. So.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, couldn't. He was like kind of waddling. Yeah. So that's why I want to overreact to it. But he was bad today and that was one of the reasons they lost. They needed him to be. There was also some classic wet weather stuff, you know, like some drops. And.

[Cousin Sal]

So the Lions, I mean, this is what happened. When you're well built and well coached. Right. You win games like this, it doesn't really matter. I mean, they had 24 points and you would never, you know, you would never thought they were going to lose that game.

[Bill Simmons]

Rams, Seahawks was probably the game of the day.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So every year I feel like I get irrationally attached to a team and I think it's the Rams this year.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I just like them. I like Stafford, I like that. I like how resilient they Are. I really like McVeigh. I think they're overachieving with what they have. I like some of their young guys. Like, they really hit a home run with Jared Verse. He's all over the place in every one of these games. But they, they had this ridiculous Puka ejection today that I still don't understand. There were some weird calls today. The Bryant Branch, that call was weird. The lion safety that got knocked out. Yeah, right. There was other ones where it seemed like the guys should. It should have been a penalty and it wasn't. I don't think they figured out that defensive back hitting the receiver penalty at all.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, that's bad too. But the Puka thing, can we talk about that real quick? Like, they. And I know you don't want an all out brawl on the field, but some of these guys that are barely punching another guy in the helmet, first of all, punching a guy in a helmet, the referee should just point at you and laugh if you're going to punch at someone's helmet because you're going to break your hand. Like, if I, if I lost a bet and put a hole in my wall, in my own wall, I wouldn't expect the police to show up and be like, hey, we're carting you out of here. You're like, it's my wall. I'm an idiot. I'm going to have to do. Yeah, my knuckle. I'm going to, I'm. I'm going urgent care in a minute. Leave me alone. But that's a dumb way to get thrown out, and it's a dumb thing to get thrown out for.

[Bill Simmons]

I think, like, it. This was, if I'm a Seahawks fan, this was an absolute crusher. Yeah, Gino had some awful, awful, awful throws. They seemed like they were going to pull it out. When it got to 2020 near the end, JSN was going nuts. I mean, he was, he seemed like he was wide open the entire game. Crazy plays everywhere called back.

[Cousin Sal]

And then the next, very next play, he'd catch it something big.

[Bill Simmons]

And then they win the toss.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

And then they're going down and it's like, oh, here we go. Like, are they going to score? Are they going to go field goal? What's going to happen? And then all of a sudden they get stuffed on 4th and 1 and Stafford just jumped all over it. But I think this Rams team, they're four and four. It felt like their season was over a month ago. And House and I did this on Thursday. They were 5 to 1. I think to win the division, they were plus 3, 10 to make the playoffs.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I.

[Bill Simmons]

To me, they're a playoff team. I think they know how to pull these games out. I trust them. I trust their infrastructure more than some of these other teams. Also, Kyron Williams gets really good yards. Like he. It's not like he's wide open on some of these runs. He's just kind of in the middle. Like he's. He always gets like seven yards when it seems like he's going to get three.

[Cousin Sal]

He's very shifty. And he didn't score today though, did he? Was this was like the first time in a while. Yeah, they're good. I got to say, I thought McVeigh screwed that up. I'm fourth and two at the end of regulation. It was like 37 seconds left. I would have got. First of all, I would have run on third down and then I would have gone for it because again, in overtime, Seattle got the ball. They have the 12th man. Defense is a tie. They kind of got lucky, the Rams to get that ball back and win 26 20. But you're right, they just should be plus 380 now, right, to win the division.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

So they're still not bad.

[Bill Simmons]

So they got Miami at home on a Monday night which we're doing. Guess the Lions later, which seems like, oh well, then they'll go 5 and 4. They'll beat Miami. But Miami has been better. I would watch out for that game. Then they're at the Pats, then they're home Philly, and then they're at New Orleans. And that feels like they could go 3 and 1 in those next four. If they go 3 and 1, that would put them at like a 7 and 5 range.

[Cousin Sal]

So I like them on the road.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like they can get 10 wins more than.

[Cousin Sal]

More than anything.

[Bill Simmons]

Which one?

[Cousin Sal]

I like them on the road. I think that's a good betting spot for them when they're on the road like this. And plus the one and a half, we got to talk about the one and a half lines. Like this was like a weird one. Like, oh, why the Rams favorite at Seattle? They're going to really lose four in a row at home. Seattle, Houston was a one and a half. The jets were a one and a half. We got to figure out the one and a half, so we'll be all right.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, did Arizona change your opinion of them because they killed the Bears today and that was really one sided the whole game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think that was going to Be a game where I wasn't going to give credit to anyone who won.

[Bill Simmons]

That's how I didn't bet on it. House. And I said, but Arizona is just on my do not bet list.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm not getting sucked in either way. I don't trust them. But they look good. And Kyler wasn't good in the game. And I thought they still dominated. They. Caleb was under attack.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. He couldn't get out of his. To be fair, Geno was under attack, too. I know he throws some bad plays, but he has had seven sacks. But yeah, Caleb was rough. I mean, that team was one play away from being five and two. Right. And now what? Four and four. That's.

[Bill Simmons]

I was going to ask you, do you think the. Did the Hail Mary kill their season? Because they looked like kind of dead men walking a little bit today.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And they don't have a good coach. That's another problem. But. And they don't have an offensive line. They missed this window where they could have been Washington. You would have thought Arizona was a winnable game. And now it's like, I just don't think that's a playoff team. They can't play.

[Cousin Sal]

We're screwed. I mean, we had that first to fourth in the NFC north and it was right before that Hail Mary. It was looking.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Solid or doable at least. And now I don't even. I haven't even looked at their schedule. I guess they have a home. They're home against your team this week. All right. But then Green Bay, Minnesota and Detroit. Right. In a row.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Ceruti reports there has been a coach firing, but it was an assistant. The Raiders fired their offensive coordinator.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, what did that guy do?

[Bill Simmons]

I. Apparently it was his fault that their quarterbacks were Gardner minshew and Aiden O'Connell. And then today, Desmond Ritter. Did we come up with a Desmond Ritter nickname? I can't remember.

[Cousin Sal]

No, we try to remember. If we had Elastic, didn't Dickie have.

[Bill Simmons]

A song with Desmond in it? What was that? Desmond Decker.

[Cousin Sal]

Desmond Decker. Yeah. He was a ska legend, I guess. Yeah. Desmond Decker.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, anyway, I. Arizona, I wouldn't bet on them. I'm never betting on any of their games. But, you know, they're five and four. They've stole. They. They stole that Miami game last week in a good way. They stole that game against the Chargers, who looked awesome today. Their schedule was a lot easier down the stretch. And they're going to have a one game. They're going to have at least a half game. Lead heading into next week because San Francisco's on a buy.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, here's the thing. We can't take every team in the NFC west, right? So we think. We think Seattle's flawed. That they.

[Bill Simmons]

Seattle's out. I think they missed their window.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

They. They're 4 and 5 and I think they had to be 6 and 3 or 5 and 4 at this stretch with what's coming.

[Cousin Sal]

Right. And they can't block the window.

[Bill Simmons]

They might have the worst offensive line of anybody.

[Cousin Sal]

Really bad. Really bad. In. In Geno's lap every play. Yeah. They missed the window. They should find it and jump out. So I think it's either 49ers or Rams. I just. The 49ers. If I look at today he's getting. You know, they're on a buy. I look like guys, we got to get our shit together. This is this division. We could. We could win it in half trying here. And McCaffrey comes back. They're right in it.

[Bill Simmons]

You have McCaffrey. So they have by this week at Tampa. Next week home. Seattle at Green Bay at Buffalo. Not easy.

[Cousin Sal]

That's interesting stretch.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And then Arizona has the jets at home. Bye week at Seattle at Minnesota. And they got the Patriots in Carolina a little bit later. So Arizona in the. I'm trying to think who would be the most fun to bet against.

[Cousin Sal]

Most fun.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. As. As like either a four seed. The NFC west is going to be a four seed.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Or somebody sneaking into a seven seed in the wild card. I. I just feel like.

[Cousin Sal]

So that's. We got. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

We got a playoffs would be. That would be pretty tasty.

[Cousin Sal]

It would have been the Bears, but it is Arizona. So. Yeah. And we don't want to say Washington, but who knows what they're going to look like in January.

[Bill Simmons]

Forgot to mention. I'm looking at my notes. Your team turned the ball over four times on downs today. What? And they said it was a record, but I couldn't tell if it was a record for the National Football League or just for the Cowboys. It was unqueer from the graphic.

[Cousin Sal]

It's gotta be.

[Bill Simmons]

It set some sort of record. How'd you just spend for the Cowboys. Right.

[Cousin Sal]

Is that really fours the most? I feel like we do it three times on an or is a lot.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean that's like one a quarter. You're just bombing on fourth down.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I like the McCarthy's expressions. Like he never knows. He's. He's like a police Sergeant in those 80s movies that can't Believe one of the detectives went rogue. He's like, what? Where did Axel go? Oh my God, what happened? He's always seems completely taken aback that they like decided to run a reverse with CD Lamb on 4th and 1. He had no idea. Like he's finding out with us that that was stupid.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. We take Axel in a heartbeat as running back. Line up. Go ahead, put the, put the jacket on. Eddie Murphy.

[Bill Simmons]

What was the fake punt today?

[Cousin Sal]

Where it's terrible.

[Bill Simmons]

A play that seems like it should work all the time where the punter, he's just got a wide receiver, one on one on the side with a D back who's going to be blocking the gunner has no idea a pass play is coming and yet the guy threw it in the play had no chance whatsoever.

[Cousin Sal]

But. And listen, after I watched three hours of a quarterback throwing to unopened receivers, so I was used to that. But shouldn't that play be. If you're going to fool somebody, isn't it easier throw than a tight end? Shouldn't they have a tight end release over the middle six yards instead of a guy who hasn't thrown in a professional game in forever going all the way across field.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, or like the. Or the upback. Like the Saints ran a fake punt today and it was, it was just like they snapped it directly to the big fullback burly guy who just like ran for 8 yards. I don't know. I'm all for fake punts. Let's take one more break for the pot. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Now, I know what you're thinking. Peloton doesn't look that tough. Well, let me tell you, Peloton is way more challenging than most people think. Whether you're on the peloton tread or diving into their all access membership, they've got a wealth of running and strength training programs that will really push you to your limits. And these instructors, they're not messing around. We're talking military trained sub three hour marathoners and former college athletes who know how to bring out your inner beast. With tons of options to choose from, you can gear up for race day with seasoned marathoners leading the charge. Plus custom strength workouts to keep you accountable and crushing those goals. Peloton is all about the details too. Want to up your game as a runner? Well, their pace targets let you tailor your workout so you can truly challenge yourself every step of the way. Find your push, find your power with [e-mail] this episode is brought to you by Imes pet food. We're all picky when it comes to our pets and their meals. When you choose iams dry dog or cat food, you can see a difference in your pet with your own eyes. Healthy energy in five days. Healthy digestion in 10 days. Healthy skin and coat in just 25 days. Satisfaction for you and them guaranteed or your money back. Feed Iams dry dog or cat food and see a visible difference. Visit imes.com, that is iams.com difference to learn more. Okay. Only other things to mention the Chargers Browns game today. I don't know how much you caught of that, but The Browns ran 76 plays and the Chargers ran 56. The Browns had 21 first downs. The Chargers had 13. The Browns had multiple times. They were like inside the 10 and just bad shit happened for them. And yet I still felt like the Chargers, like, kind of handled their bit. I was never worried about that game. It was 13, 3, 20 to 3. They were always in control. The thing that jumped out today was, and I don't know if the stats totally reflected, but Herbert was just. Herbert really seems like he's blossoming now. The nerds would say he's always been this way. Just the team's better. But you look at the receivers like everyone's worried about these receivers they had. And, you know, the offensive line's been a little up and down, but he just, I just thought he was really good in that game today.

[Cousin Sal]

They're. They're good. Their offense is decent. I just, I feel like we are used to them scoring 44 points and losing, you know, with all the terrible coaches they've had. And now they're in the 20s and winning. Like, oh, that's not. That's boring. Let's go back to the old team where they'd score, you know, 50. And we laugh at them because they, they crapped out on the last possession. But, yeah, Joshua Palmer's fine. And I just.

[Bill Simmons]

They remember, they thought Johnson was a bust.

[Cousin Sal]

We're going to not a bust. He makes plays every week and Dobbins runs the ball. So. And they play defense. They're like, they're in on everything. I don't know that we've looked at it. Didn't we text each other this week? They were minus 150 to make the playoffs. I think they're there by default. I think like, you know, now that we could wrap the Colts up pretty much now you're looking at four AFC north teams pretty much have to make it in order for the Chargers to not make it.

[Bill Simmons]

So right now they're -3 10. So those are FanDuel. So those odds jump makes sense tremendously. Thanks to FanDuel by the way, for giving us our own little ringer specials page. I hope people make prominently mentioned. I was thinking about how proud you were.

[Cousin Sal]

I really am.

[Bill Simmons]

22 years ago if I had said to you you're going to be on there's going to be this thing called a gambling app. When we were working together on Kimmel show in the office. Like 22 years from now we'll have this whole page of bets that we came up with and it's going to be.

[Cousin Sal]

People are going to point to me and they're going to say why aren't you upset our candidate didn't win? I'm like why? Because I'm featured on the fricking FanDuel site. That's why I don't care about the next four years.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm care about week 10. The Jaguars are plus 630 to make the playoffs. The Colts are still plus 146.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh wow.

[Bill Simmons]

Now we didn't really talk about that game. The piece of benching Richardson which we predicted last week on the pod. Cause he was awful last week and bring in Flacco as like this sacrificial lamb against the Minnesota defense. And he looked at.

[Cousin Sal]

You think the league got involved by the way, do you think the league said hey we're flexing Jacksonville Philly out? Which turned out to be a mistake I think for the Colts and do you think they're like you gotta. You gotta sit Richardson the nation needs to see fly.

[Bill Simmons]

I think it would have been more fun if Richardson played. He's way more erratic. I think they made a huge mistake flexing out Jacksonville Philly. From a comedy standpoint, like what's. What would have been more fun than Collinsworth with that game? Mike, I just saw Trevor Lawrence sometimes I just. This guy can wing it, Mike. He can win it.

[Cousin Sal]

And coach. Coach middle seed. We have yet to see the Indianapolis Special, but you know it's coming, Mike.

[Bill Simmons]

Denver is plus 10 to make the playoffs.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh yeah, Denver. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Cincinnati is just even odds every week to make the playoffs. It never changes. They're 4 and 5. Burrow quietly is on pace for 40 touchdown passes. I don't know if you noticed that. And like 4,500 yards passing.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. He still looks bored. He still looks like he's going through the motions, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

And Chase wasn't even really involved. Yeah, that was A good, good outing for them.

[Bill Simmons]

He's just waiting for T. Higgins to come back. And then we, the Bills sneak by Miami, which we didn't talk about, where TUA had a couple scrambles that were just playing. Terrifying.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

It's now terrible when he's scrambling. It's now like when you have like an 18 month old kid watching them like run toward a wide open front door or something. It's the same kind of. Oh, no. Oh God.

[Cousin Sal]

When you're watching, you're a Dolphins fan. You gotta be on like a swivel chair. You gotta be like on the, like the Voice because you have to be able to turn. I guess you can just cover yourself.

[Bill Simmons]

Just like turn away. Yeah, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You really just have to do a 180 and spin backwards. But yeah. We're approaching Harlem Globetrotters, Washington General's territory with the Bills Dolphins. I mean, Allen's 8 and 1 against Tua. 13 and 2. They are with Allen against Miami, they're 8. No in Buffalo. It's kind of gross.

[Bill Simmons]

It had the feeling of like this game might be rigged in the first half because I know like everybody had Buffalo in a tees and money on Buffalo. And there was one. Alan had this touchdown run of like 20 plus yards and they're like, ah, flag on the play. I was a holding. It's Buffalo. And then they're like, there's the hold right there. They showed the replay. There's no hold. And the announcers like they did the thing where they go, I didn't see it. You know, you could hear somebody in their ear, like, just keep moving, keep moving. Don't mention the hold again. But it was like super shady. But there was a couple moments like that in the first half where I was like, ah, did they rig this for Miami? But then Buffalo won anyway.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, Coleman might have rigged it because he had an easy touchdown. He dropped that slant play. That went an interception. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So Miami with two wins, really nuts. Just a couple of things I wrote down. I have no idea what a catch is anymore. Garrett Wilson's touchdown Thursday night. I would have bet my life that that wasn't a touchdown. Then there. No, no. His shin was in. I was like, all right, I give up because I. I don't know. Then we had another one today. What was the one today with the. The guy had his feet in or his back in the end zone. What game was that?

[Cousin Sal]

He had two. But the knee didn't. I think, I know knee wasn't left to right. The knee was Barely in. Yeah. But yeah, it is kind of stupid that like that little ball on the other. Your ankle can count as a point but you have to get two feet down otherwise. But we're seeing some great catches. I think we should appreciate what would the.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, some one handed. Just because the one handed in the Rams game was fucking nuts.

[Cousin Sal]

Robinson, it was really like he thought, all right, this is not going to count unless I catch it with one hand. So I'm not even going to use the other one to get free. Really great.

[Bill Simmons]

Jameis crossed the 100 interception mark. I just want to congratulate him. Oh, he did 102. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Nice. You know, he's so great in the interviews. They should have presented him with a cake afterwards.

[Bill Simmons]

Do you think?

[Cousin Sal]

What would he have done? Crab leg cake. Have at it.

[Bill Simmons]

I wonder. I mean he'd be a really good announcer after he retires. I don't know if he'll actually get hired to be an announcer. Another thing I wrote down, I think we've just run out of fourth down plays. They don't seem to work anymore. And the two yards and in every variation and everybody's trying to basically do the next level of what you think the play is that they're going to run like the Eagles. They don't use Saquon Barkley around the goal line for reasons that remain unclear. Because I actually think he's pretty good around the goal line.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

He's small and strong and should be able to dive two yards. But we just see all these like weird reverses like that. Denver ran a Philly special today that actually worked where Drake May had to catch the ball in traffic. It's like what. Whatever happened in just like lining up and blowing a team and having like a. Your like your big Mike Allstadt type guy just ramming into the line and scoring. Those days gone.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. CD Lamb had an end around which I think he was officially tackled before he was even handed the ball. So that was. That was weird. But you're right. Like Jonathan Taylor just a half hour ago wasn't in the package on 4th and 4th and too.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You got to at least pretend. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

I don't get it. And then I thought Brady was just bad today.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That Lions packers. Which I thought was a really good game. And I found myself. I just really wanted better announcers for it. He just doesn't tell me enough. And you know, he was talking about the weather and sometimes it's hard to catch a pass. But I did. I just felt like what was Going on with love. Like, Brady's obviously played hurt. I really wanted that would have been the perfect. Romo would have dove into that and be like, I can tell love's hurt, and here's why. Watch this throw. Watch this plant leg. Like, just teach me something. Brady's not teaching us anything.

[Cousin Sal]

I feel like he's getting advised in the wrong way.

[Bill Simmons]

I think he's 100% agree over.

[Cousin Sal]

Over preparing for these and in those. You know, on Friday, they interview each coach and everything. And I think he's overemphasizing what's going on there, where he should just sit back and do what you're saying. That's what we want to hear. You're the quarterback, you're the general of the field.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, he should do a blind game and not even know who's on either team and just fucking watch the game and tell us what he sees. See, I don't think he's doing that at all. See, now it's going to be sports blog post. Simmons and Sal Eviscerate Tom Brady. I'm not like I think he's being poorly produced is where I've landed, because I think whatever they're telling him to do, it's not working. I don't feel like I'm watching the game with him. He comes in the beginning, he's got this, like, fake energy where he's going, oh, I'm so excited for this one, Kevin. It's just like, none of it feels genuine to me. And then on top of it, he owns a piece of the Vegas, and it feels like he can't be as critical maybe, as he wants to be in certain spots. But I thought that game today, I wanted him to dive into golf. Like, what. What did you see with Goff? You went against him in a Super Bowl. How has he evolved over the last six years? There's this guy's, like, one of the greatest resources in football that we have, and they don't tap into any of it.

[Cousin Sal]

And he's been. It's not even that he's so accomplished as a player. We've heard him in interviews. We know he could do exactly what you want him to do there. Right. We know he can analyze from that perspective, so that's why. That's why it falls short. But.

[Bill Simmons]

Well. And also, we're watching all these other games and he's getting dusted by other announcers.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that's true.

[Bill Simmons]

And they're just like you like Romo doing the other game today. Like, he's Just what he was doing the Baltimore game. He was just way better.

[Cousin Sal]

Greg Olson gives us a better quarterback's perspective than Brady does a tight end, you know?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's what it is. I know it's in there, and I just. They have not unlocked it, and I think they really have to figure it out. And he seems super overprepared to me. And this could be like, he's.

[Cousin Sal]

Is it a one and done? You think he could be out?

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think he's good at it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And that now we've had nine weeks. I feel like he's gotten worse than he was four or five weeks ago. Now. He's gotten, like, too many notes. But it's. It's. When we get to the playoffs and this is like, there's only one game on, it's going to be pretty glaring when we're watching all these other playoff games and these guys are doing. You know, he's competing against people that are watching games that instantly can be like, oh, watch this, watch this over here. Um, and when he has a good point, he's so excited to tell you the point. Cause he's like, oh, I know this is good. And it's almost like he's. None of it feels natural to me.

[Cousin Sal]

It's like hitting a buzzer. He's a game playing a game show.

[Bill Simmons]

I got one about that Sam Laporta pass. It's just. It's just everything about it feels off and not genuine to me. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, we had the first couple weeks where he didn't say a word. He wasn't filling the dead space, and that was rough. And then I think he had two or three where he was getting the hang of it, and you got excited, and now you're right. Now he's, like, just super, super hyper tense about every play. It's weird.

[Bill Simmons]

It's been. It's been great for Aikman. It's been great for Collinsworth. It's been great for Romo because he's not even remotely on the level of those dudes.

[Cousin Sal]

Are you done eviscerating? There's got to be more.

[Bill Simmons]

Was that an evisceration or an obliteration?

[Cousin Sal]

It was. It was.

[Bill Simmons]

How about this?

[Cousin Sal]

Obliteration? I think.

[Bill Simmons]

How about this? Who are the people watching these games going, brady was awesome.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, my God. I learned so much from Brady. Like, he's just not doing a good enough job. I really think they need to hit the reset button, clear the cachet, start over, and just be like, we Overloaded you with too much stuff. Let's get back to the basics. Just watch the game with Burkhart. Tell us what you see. Come into the game with, like, five, six little things that you know you want to hit. Like Jared Goff, I played against him. Boom, boom, boom. Jordan Love, he's hurt. I had a. I had a strain groin in 2013. Here's what I learned. I learned that I had to, like, get rid of the ball fat. Like, that's the kind of shit we want, and they're not giving us any of it.

[Cousin Sal]

You know what? I just had a good idea. And I don't think they'll do this, but they should replace Brady, and fox should pay Desean Watson $350 million. But then you hear the quarterback's perspective from one that sucked. Couldn't get out of his own way for the last two and a half years or more. Just paying that money off. People go apeshit.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought you were going another direction. As you know, I hate the three man booth, but I actually think he needs the three man booth. I think he needs, like, a curious third person who can kind of set him up. I always felt like Kornheiser when he did Monday Night Football and it didn't work out, but the potential of it was a curious person in the booth. He was, like, asking Jaws questions, Right. And Tirico hated it, which is why it didn't work.

[Cousin Sal]

You know what? Try. Try one week with Gronk in there. They can make fun of each other.

[Bill Simmons]

I would actually do Edelman. I think if you put Edelman in there, he needs something to loosen himself up.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

But they're not going to do it because they don't want to admit defeat. And he's. No, he's toasting the super bowl and they're paying him this crazy number, but it's just not good. That was a really cool game today that needed better announcers. Okay, guess the lines. Ravens, Bengals. What's the record, by the way?

[Cousin Sal]

Five, three. One year ahead heading into week 10. But I have. I'd be shocked. I think I put myself as a plus. 1400 today.

[Bill Simmons]

Ravens at Cincinnati is the Thursday night game. And that's.

[Cousin Sal]

No, it's. It's the other way. Right. Cincy at Baltimore.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, did I write that down wrong?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they already played in Cincinnati. It was 41 38.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, my bad.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, so I get that one. I'm up on nothing.

[Bill Simmons]

Good. That's an automatic forfeit. I don't know why. Well, this is an awesome Thursday night game.

[Cousin Sal]

Very good.

[Bill Simmons]

Dare I say a must watch. And I said this to Kyle today. Why? And I've said this probably five of the nine weeks we've done a pod. But Lamar. Lamar and the multiview is still the MVP by far. I don't know if he's going to win the MVP of the league, but he's so much fucking fun. We made the mistake 1710 in that Bengals game. I mean, the Broncos game. We. I changed. I took them off the four, not realizing that of course Lamar was going to figure out how to score like a 60 yard touchdown in the last 30 seconds of the game. What was I thinking? Yeah, what was I thinking?

[Cousin Sal]

I was glued to it at 41:10 because I needed Denver to win the fourth quarter. I was like, I'm so smart. Baltimore's given up 82 points in the fourth quarter in the last six weeks. I'm betting Denver blindly and they couldn't. They went on fourth and goal from the seventh twice and they couldn't make it. But.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I finally. I send in the 13 point teas to you guys and I finally lost it. I. One of the legs was the Broncos plus 22 and it finally. It was the first loss I've had all year.

[Cousin Sal]

Even so you had a shot. You had a little bit of a shot. I did.

[Bill Simmons]

Bo Nicks had other ideas. All right, so if it's Ravens, I'm going to forfeit my pick for this because I have just guess it.

[Cousin Sal]

I was actually somewhat close on this.

[Bill Simmons]

But I would say Ravens by six.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, you get it. I said five and a half. At six and a half, that's a terrible way for me to lose with that one. But yeah, six and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm happy to forfeit that one.

[Cousin Sal]

It's not going to matter. I promise. It's not.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Cousin Sal]

I was so off.

[Bill Simmons]

That's probably too many points, right? I feel like the Bengals will be completely unafraid to go into Baltimore.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Just trying to think what they're trying.

[Bill Simmons]

To think if they'll ever have any chance of stopping Derek Henry.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, I mean, is that three hours? Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

On a Thursday night for four days after they just played.

[Cousin Sal]

I kind of don't trust either defense and there was 79 points scored in the first game and I almost think the defense has got a little bit worse since then, so.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I have a new category. We've never done this before. For the next one. Yeah, we've had the poop, Fechte. We've never had a Poop. Fechta game in Germany as bad as this? So I looked up the German word for poop.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, good.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's kake. This is the cake. Fecta game. Ca. I'm sorry. K A C, K E. Fecta. It's the kakfecta. Giants, Panthers.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

An outright travesty that can only take place in the Vegas zone. And I went Giants by four and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, you get it? I said four and it's five and a half. They can't make it big enough. I'm still surprised at this, Sal.

[Bill Simmons]

I gotta be honest. Might not get up for this one.

[Cousin Sal]

I was just gonna ask you what time you up for it?

[Bill Simmons]

Probably a half time and somebody will be up 17 nothing. And I'm not sure which team.

[Cousin Sal]

Do you have any fantasy players? We got it. Because games are consumed differently now. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Any fantasy players? None on the Giants. Definitely none on the Panthers. So none. None across the board.

[Cousin Sal]

Can I read you something? You played our friend Brad in fantasy. He sent me a note.

[Bill Simmons]

How bad my team is.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, you. I mean, you decide how you want to take this. He says, simmons, good dude, excellent friend, wonderful father. Dog shit at fantasy football.

[Bill Simmons]

How can he say that?

[Cousin Sal]

And he says I'm great.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you tell him how great I am in the other league?

[Cousin Sal]

All of these descriptions are very much understatements. He writes, sorry, have a talk with him.

[Bill Simmons]

I spent $120 on Garrett Wilson, Cooper cup and DJ Moore. DJ Moore had the opposite of a breakout year.

[Cousin Sal]

3.3 points today. Yeah, measles breakout, basically.

[Bill Simmons]

Travis ETN for $36. Another mistake.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Not great. Sometimes it's not your year in fantasy. I mean, Brad did take nine running backs.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I know he was making fun of you. I had to stop him because he was talking about how many quarterbacks you took. And I was like, wait, slow down. A lot of running backs.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, the problem is all my quarterbacks suck. I've Dak who left the game early today. I mean, how did I get 13 points out of Dak against the Falcons? That should have been like a 30 point game.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I can't stand it.

[Bill Simmons]

Sunday marquee. So initially when I wrote all these down on Thursday, I had Eagles Cowboys as the Sunday marquee. Yeah, I'm going to keep it there, but I don't think it's the marquee game. But it's probably the most interesting game because it might be a different coach for you guys. You might have New coach after the game. You have the Eagles, who are just an unintentional comedy all over the place every game. And I'm going to say Eagles by three in Dallas.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh wow. I said four and a half. It's six and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oof.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, we're pretty bad.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow. You're six and a half point underdogs at home in Philadelphia.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, I don't know. I mean CD Lamb has like the shoulder contusion. Right. Dak? I mean I could just see these guys battling. Right. We could have a Cooper Rush game here.

[Bill Simmons]

I wish Cooper Rush had been a little better when he came in.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, maybe that's like.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, could have a quarterback controversy did that. Those words were not uttered during the Cooper Rush half hour that he played.

[Cousin Sal]

No take. Take the Cowboys plus 12 and a half. They'll cover that. Take them on a teaser.

[Bill Simmons]

Definitely 100% not putting.

[Cousin Sal]

I do want to give you credit though for your Thursday teaser. Like this is the way to play a teaser. Right. Like the jets were a one and a half point favorite. Ridiculous. They went to two and a half and you're like, oh, I'm over the touchdown you took. The Texans plus eight and a half. Right. Beautiful. Little lucky at the end, but that's the way to do it.

[Bill Simmons]

Little lucky.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what I found out? 7 and a half used to be the number for me but now like I lost on the Colts today at seven half. I think it has to get to eight and a half on these teases when you're going the other way. Now the seven half isn't good enough.

[Cousin Sal]

There's 28 twenties all over the place. I feel like you're right. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Watchables. I got four. First one is Bills at Indianapolis for a couple reasons. Bills I think are just have just been a really fun multi view team all year.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Colts. I don't know who the quarterback's going to be. They just go back to Richardson next week. What do they do? It's also like if the Colts lose this game, they're probably their season probably over, I'm guessing.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And. And I feel like these teams play good games. So Bills.

[Cousin Sal]

I think it's Flacco. I think it's Flacco again. But let's see.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm gonna say Bills by three.

[Cousin Sal]

Did I get this? Oh, we split it. I said six. It's four and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Vegas zone.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So the Bills are we just the whole year. I'm just never going to feel that great about them. And they're going to go like 15 and 2?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think so. Okay. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, do you watch them and go, oh, man, look out for these guys?

[Cousin Sal]

No, I don't. But I'll tell you what just resonates with me, the way they, if they ever have to win, they just get it done the way they won the last.

[Bill Simmons]

If they need three points, they'll get the three points. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Or if they need to put together a streak. So they're over. Under wins is 12 and a half. I still like it over. It's a plus 142.

[Bill Simmons]

I still like it over.

[Cousin Sal]

Is that on FanDuel? Yeah. I'm seeing they only have like nine teams listed.

[Bill Simmons]

12 and a half plus 142.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they'll get it.

[Bill Simmons]

So they'd have to go 13 and 4. The problem is they're going to have the division clinched and probably the two seed with like two weeks to go. Right.

[Cousin Sal]

So they'd have to go six and two. Yeah, why would it. But they're going to be the 2 seed, though. The 1 seed won't be clinched though.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. Casey's getting the 1 seat. Casey's going to go 16 and 1.

[Cousin Sal]

Or 15 and 2. Right. They play Casey. 49ers Rams, actually. They do have a tough slate. They end twice in three weeks against.

[Bill Simmons]

The Patriots, but Chiefs are home for the Broncos. I floated this out a couple weeks ago and I think it's official after the Baltimore game. I think Denver is the good bad team in either conference.

[Cousin Sal]

Good bad.

[Bill Simmons]

I think they're officially 20, 24 is good bad team.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Cousin Sal]

If they.

[Bill Simmons]

The other bad teams, they're going to win. You raise the level of competition on them. They're losing.

[Cousin Sal]

I thought you were a bad good team, but you're right. Yeah, they're the good bad team. Who else could it be? Who's in contention for that title?

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, you could say anyone in the NFC South.

[Cousin Sal]

Arizona.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Arizona. A couple good wins, though.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Very close games. Their margin of victory, except for today, is in those games, very low.

[Bill Simmons]

No shots fired at our friends from Washington. And I couldn't be happier for them, but I wouldn't rule out Washington for the good bad team either.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, it's funny you asked me, did the Hail Mary kill the Bears, Just. Just eviscerate them, I think is the word to use. But I feel like the Hail Mary and they won today, so it's a little less of a great point. But I feel like it didn't give them momentum. I feel that game showed me that they've leveled off. Right. Washington, they're not the team that punted twice in three weeks. Right. So they're going to have to pull one out and a close one against the Giants every week. So maybe they're the good, bad Niners.

[Bill Simmons]

Bucks in Tampa. And I. I really had trouble with this one. Cause I think Vegas is going to respect the Niners a little more than maybe they deserve. So I'm going to say Niners by three and a half at Tampa.

[Cousin Sal]

That's exactly what I said. And we were a whole field goal off. Six and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, my God. So they're just jacking these lines now.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, they are. So now you have that in mind. Well, McCaffrey's coming back. Right. And Tampa's on a short week.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't. Do you. Would you bet your life McCaffrey's coming back?

[Cousin Sal]

No. I don't know. I just kept hearing that. Right. But they had to buy and now Tampa's on a short week and they still don't have those receivers. I guess we'll know better tomorrow.

[Bill Simmons]

The last one might be this was the other choice for the marquee game and probably should have been the marquee game since the records are so good.

[Cousin Sal]

But we Jacksonville.

[Bill Simmons]

No, Washington at home for the Steelers.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a solid game. I'm going to say Washington by two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow. You nailed that. I said Pittsburgh by 1. Tell me why they're their favorite. Washington. Like if you did power rankings for these teams, wouldn't Pittsburgh be ahead of them?

[Bill Simmons]

It's the offense on Pittsburgh. I still don't think people trust it on the road.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that'd be it.

[Bill Simmons]

So you think like these two teams are probably even and maybe a slight edge to Washington because they can score more points?

[Cousin Sal]

I think this would be a team that they, Washington would have trouble moving the ball on. Right. More than anybody, I'll tell you.

[Bill Simmons]

Two and a half. That becomes a tease candidate pretty quickly.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, right. For sure. Well, they have seven point teasers if you want.

[Bill Simmons]

Let's take a break for the podcast. This episode is brought to you by Old El Paso. Does gameday hosting feel like an extreme sport? Not anymore. With Old El Paso, feeding your hungry crowd is oh so easy. Old El Paso's crunchy stand and stuffed shells, bold seasonings and squeezable sauces are fumble free, flavor packed and perfect for cheering on your team. Football season is taco season with Old El Paso Level up your next tailgater Watch Party Shop Gameday [e-mail] this episode is brought to you by bank of America. Money decisions don't have to be either or. With bank of America, they can be yes and as in yes to grabbing the latest merch and building up your budget for next season's tickets. Our digital tools help you create the future you want and help you keep enjoying today too. Do more with the bank that asks what would you like the power to do? Explore tips and [e-mail] yes and all right, we're at the Fairly watchables Vikings Jaguars in Jacksonville. Will coach middleseap be at this game?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he will.

[Bill Simmons]

Great.

[Cousin Sal]

I think that guy just goes a lot longer than he's supposed to. He's the guy that we might still be making fun of next year.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that's the bell. I think Belichick is either Jacksonville or Vegas. I don't think he'd mess with your team because your team's a losing hand.

[Cousin Sal]

Belichick is having fun, man. He's taking p. He's, he's not into this coaching thing anymore. He's become like Jim Carrey. He's dressing up funny. He's like a physical comedian. He's doing pose, you know, posing with his mermaid girlfriend for Halloween. He's loving it.

[Bill Simmons]

He's. This is a year long plan by Bill Belichick to prove that he's not like the grumpy curmudgeon that couldn't take over your football team because that's probably why he didn't get a job because he's badmouthing him. And it's like this guy's a pain in the ass. He sucks to be around. He's so bad. This has been Belichick proving that there's actually a personality there, which is what everybody who knows him has said.

[Cousin Sal]

So you think the next interview he pulls up that picture, the mermaid girlfriend?

[Bill Simmons]

Like, I think he's going to keep on Thanksgiving. I think he's going to be wearing an apron, going on Chang show, making turkey with Chang. Like I'm prepared. He's on a quest to prove that there's a personality there.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

I like it.

[Cousin Sal]

All right. I don't like it. I like, I like it better when he was a stiff and I can make fun of him.

[Bill Simmons]

Vikings at Jags. I have Vikings by two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

I get this one. I said four and it is four and a half. Squaring the Biggest.

[Bill Simmons]

That's if you're betting on Sam Darnold in Florida laying points on the road.

[Cousin Sal]

Good luck. Good luck. We just shit on Jacksonville for, like, an hour and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm not. Anyone who bets on this game is a lunatic.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm with you.

[Bill Simmons]

Are you worried about Raheem, by the way?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, always. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I mean, we're always worried about Raheem, but Raheem did well this week, and he, you know, he starts tweeting how his wins and his demeanor and the text changes. I always get nervous. It's like watching the first 30 minutes of a movie where the main character's doing really well, and you're like, oh, no, slow down, dude.

[Cousin Sal]

He's going to move to Vegas. So. Yes, there's a whole different. This is a whole different.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, he lived in Vegas last year.

[Cousin Sal]

No, I know. I think he said he made a mistake of ever moving away from it. I mean, he gets. He could probably just on comps live there for, like, two and a half years.

[Bill Simmons]

Did he win Character of the Year for you?

[Cousin Sal]

I think. I don't know. I don't know what would have to happen in the next two months. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, he's just got a massive lead.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Ceruti would have to rack up, like, 14 DUIs in the next eight weeks. Otherwise.

[Bill Simmons]

When you. When you were coming back to the. To the. To the ringer to do all this stuff with us, and I was like, I can't wait to bring Raheem into your life. This is great. Like, one of the great gifts I've ever given you, and it's exceeded all expectations.

[Cousin Sal]

It's so good. It's a beautiful gift. What do you think?

[Bill Simmons]

He's in a sports book right now betting on, like, like, cricket in Argentina.

[Cousin Sal]

I congratulated him. Like, look at you. You're. I mean, you're in Vegas. You probably woke up 14 minutes ago, and you're hitting us with 35 trends and stats that no one's ever heard of. God bless you. And he can't wait to get out of that seat and do it again.

[Bill Simmons]

We need, like, a ringer award ceremony where we can give him some sort of. Some sort of award. Just an epic performance by him. But, yeah, he's on a little bit of a tear. Yeah, Raheem. Yeah, he is hitting him.

[Cousin Sal]

Not bad.

[Bill Simmons]

Speaking of tears, the Cardinals home in Arizona playing the New York Jets. We did not talk about this game, the stupid game the jets won on Halloween night with a Texan team that, you know Just didn't have enough horses.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't ever want C.J. stroud. C.J. stroud. I don't like when he has bad games, you know, or sub par games, you know, like. No, I want that guy to be good every single time. But if you look at him on the road, then he got killed by the jets last year. Yeah, it's weird. I don't like that shit.

[Bill Simmons]

That whole game flipped on that crazy Wilson touchdown. I feel like the jets were going to lose the game and then all of a sudden they were winning and it was very strange. Cards home for the jets. And I'm going to say Cardinals by two and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

All right, so you got to. You got to talk me through this one too. I said jets by two, but you're right, it's the Cardinals by one and a half. So we're full.

[Bill Simmons]

Jets aren't good, but the jets were favored.

[Cousin Sal]

So why were they favored against the Texans then? That's what I'm asking.

[Bill Simmons]

Thursday night game, only one receiver for the Texans. Texans offensive line is banged up.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know, man. I don't. I don't get this gambling thing. I really. Maybe I never did.

[Bill Simmons]

Poop factor. Bears are home for the Patriots. And you know what? It's officially. Would you rather have Drake Mayer Caleb Williams week? And I know where I stand.

[Cousin Sal]

Uh oh.

[Bill Simmons]

And I know where I stand.

[Cousin Sal]

Don't say anything.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to remember Drake Bay.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, wow.

[Bill Simmons]

You know who else does? Kyle. Kyle. Who'd you rather have say it, Kyle.

[Cousin Sal]

That's a loaded question.

[Bill Simmons]

We love Drake May. Listen, everyone's happy with their quarterback, but we love Drake May.

[Cousin Sal]

Good.

[Bill Simmons]

You should. And, and if they, if they beat the Bears this week, I would be excited.

[Cousin Sal]

I think the Bears 10 football fan bases are happy with their quarterback and.

[Bill Simmons]

That'S might be a record.

[Cousin Sal]

I know.

[Bill Simmons]

Even the Vikings are like, hey, we got J.J. mcCarthy next year, right? The Raiders are going. Well, we're not in that group. I have the Bears favored by five and a half over the Patriots.

[Cousin Sal]

You edged me out. All right. I said five at six and a half. Five seven. You're up seven to four. I really needed that one.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a field goal game.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Falcons at the Saints. I can't imagine this not being in the Vegas zone. So I'm going to say Falcons by four and a half.

[Cousin Sal]

I get this. I said three and a half. It's only three. Wait, let me see if they updated it, if it's anything different. Yeah, only three. Three point favorite. They played week four when New Orleans was a real team. Still 26, 24 final.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll tell you this, if Dennis Allen gets fired and we get a new Saints coach, I'll be taking the Saints for a million dollar picks on Thursday.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh really?

[Bill Simmons]

Cause you know I love the new coach theory. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You don't even know. Side unseen.

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't know. It could be anybody. It could be Zion Williamson is the new coach. I'm taking the sage. Interesting site Unseen Blind.

[Cousin Sal]

It's like you do the blind soup.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like suit du jour on postmates in. Good taking it.

[Cousin Sal]

I like it.

[Bill Simmons]

Chargers at the Titans. I'm sorry? Chargers home for the Titans. And I think this line has to be Chargers by seven.

[Cousin Sal]

Man, you beat me by the half point. I said six and a half and it's eight and a half. You get it?

[Bill Simmons]

That's a tease. We trust the Chargers.

[Cousin Sal]

Isn't it something. We trust the Chargers to tease them down. I guess we do. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Good coach and a good QB solves a lot of issues.

[Cousin Sal]

Titans defense is like top three in a lot of the metrics. It's very weird. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Somehow even though they gave up 52 points to Buffalo, but even in that one, the metrics for defense is pretty good. Sunday night, Lions, Texans. And it's going to be in Houston. Texas in a dome.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, you missed one, I think.

[Bill Simmons]

What did I miss?

[Cousin Sal]

Denver kc did we do Denver kc?

[Bill Simmons]

I literally miss. Oh, I had that in the watchables. Fuck, I just skipped over it.

[Cousin Sal]

That is a watchable.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's a. I'll put it in the fairly watchable. I have Chiefs home against the Broncos. I have the Chiefs by nine.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, of course. You win this one. I should have let you forget it. I said eight. It's nine and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

It just feels like the Chiefs are. They're just making it nine, nine and a half now. Cause they don't want you to tease the Chiefs. Like even this game tomorrow night has been between eight and a half and nine constantly.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Well, Denver, that's going to be a tough defense for Knicks to look good in the first three quarters, I think.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll tell you this though. They were in that game today against Baltimore for almost the entire first half.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Knicks missed a wide open guy for a touchdown on I think the first or second drive. He had a guy in the fourth and two and the play was. And it was there and he missed it. It was a 30 yard touchdown. Then he missed another guy for a Touchdown. But it didn't matter because they ended up scoring anyway. But it was. It was going to be 17:10 at halftime. If they just get off the field and they were hanging around and then that touchdown ended the game. It was 24. You're not winning after that. 2410 with Bo Nicks. It's a wrap. But 17 10, they were hanging around.

[Cousin Sal]

No, they had to make. That was a game they had to make the most of every opportunity.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Sunday night Lions at Houston and I have Lions by three.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow. I mean you set a record for nudging me by a half. A point of my guess. I said two and a half. It's three and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Hmm.

[Cousin Sal]

That's fair too.

[Bill Simmons]

I wonder where that lands because we're not. There won't be Nico Collins. I don't think Diggs is out for the year.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

There's going to be a lot of Lions talk about how they are clearly the best team now in the nfc and are we getting Lions, Chiefs? I have a lot of Lions chief stuff for the futures.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I have Lions bills. I'm. That's what I'm on.

[Bill Simmons]

But like lions, Chiefs was 36 to 1 in August because I bet it when I was in Boston on FanDuel.

[Cousin Sal]

Looking real good. I think the Lions are better and they. I think this is a fair line but you think it'll settle at three?

[Bill Simmons]

No, I think it goes to four. I think they're going to make people.

[Cousin Sal]

Gonna force people to bet Houston pretty good rest advantage. And plus this is the second. Second road game for the Lions in row Monday night.

[Bill Simmons]

Rams. Dolphins. It's in la. Maybe we just go to this.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh yeah. Monday. We don't no competing game here.

[Bill Simmons]

Did we just go to this?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, we. I don't think we can. The. The. The Trailblazers are playing the Hawks and you're going to want to watch that.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, shit. All right. I'll look at the NBA schedule. I went to this.

[Cousin Sal]

Why not? We could go to this. Why not?

[Bill Simmons]

It'd be nice that the Rams they should roll out the Ram carpet for us.

[Cousin Sal]

Veterans Day.

[Bill Simmons]

I went to the Clippers game yesterday.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, tell me.

[Bill Simmons]

First one. The arena. I'll save. I'll guess the Lions. Rams. I'm going to say Rams home. Rams by four and a half over the Dolphins.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I'm glad I won the last one. I said three and it's two and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oof. Wow.

[Cousin Sal]

They don't believe.

[Bill Simmons]

Are they thinking there's going to be a lot of Dolphins Fans.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, they'll be right about that, but doesn't mean they're going to play well.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, so I won the week.

[Cousin Sal]

Good for you. 10 to 6. And you're up 6, 3 to 1.

[Bill Simmons]

So new clipper Arena. Yeah, they did a great job. They built it for basketball, which you knew. So it doesn't have to be kind of wide on the sides, which you have to do for hockey. So they. It's very much like the Indiana arena. So the corner seats are good. Everything feels like tight. It feels like compact. It feels like the fans are almost on top of each other in a good way. Legroom in the seats, just the moving around. It's just like a state of the art arena. And then they have this whole video screen that goes all the way around. The suites are higher. They have these bunker suites. They just everything. They did a great job. And what's interesting though is Ballmer didn't want the food to be that good. So in the clubs and even in the food upstairs, like really, he has this whole thing he wants people in their seats. So the food's like fine, but not great because he doesn't want people to be. There's no TVs. Like when you walk around in the concourse, the games aren't on all different TVs. He doesn't want people, he wants them in their seats cheering for the Clippers. And it's noticeable when you're there. Everything is built toward like, get back to your seat. Get back to your seat. That's where the action are. There's. You can plug in on your phone, you can bring a cord and plug in. And they just want you in your seat.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. It's like the hotels that purposely give you a shitty buffet. Right. Cause they want you out there. They want. Again, you get like a 26 inch TV in your room because they want you on the floor. Gambling. Yeah, that's good. So that's a plus or a minus.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought the food would be a little better, but I honestly don't care because I'm going for the basketball. The team's bad. It's built around James Harden, which is a problem when you're playing Oklahoma City and they have 17 guys to throw at him. Second scores, Norm Powell. And then after that, you're keeping your fingers crossed. So I don't, I don't. They're. They're going to be like a 35 win team, probably worse. But. But the arena is cool.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it would have been nice if they had a good team. And I don't know when the next time they're going to have a good team is because they have.

[Cousin Sal]

Saving a lot of money on food. So they'll. They'll. They'll be able to recoup. They'll come over.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, the drive wasn't that bad. It's closer for you, I think.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's probably 35 minutes. For me, getting home was a little bit easier. Parking was not as easy as I thought it was going to be.

[Cousin Sal]

Really. I thought people said it was. You could park, like, anywhere. Like, you could park it so far easier.

[Bill Simmons]

But it's not, you know, it's not.

[Cousin Sal]

It.

[Bill Simmons]

Not as seamless as I thought.

[Cousin Sal]

Still la.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. I also wasn't going when there was nine other events, so that was the other piece of it. But I was trying to remember, like, a Clippers Saturday night game, because they would never. The Lakers always got the Saturday night games or all the good.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, like, you didn't mean to have that many Clipper Saturday night games, so. But yeah, thumbs up. Did a great job.

[Cousin Sal]

That's good.

[Bill Simmons]

How many were in this new era of arenas that they actually put real thought into where it's like, oh, if I'm in the corner, it's actually a good seat because I'm facing the court. The court, like, in the right direction.

[Cousin Sal]

And the T shirt stuff is fun, too, like coming out of the scoreboard and.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that was all right. Yeah, it was all right. Cooper fans are pretty bummed about the team, though.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, Kawhi's. They. They should probably. I know Kawhi probably feels like he has to go now because. But it's. It's kind of a bummer to see him because it's like, this is kind of the reason this team sucks is because they went all in on your extension and traded all this shit for you and Paul George. And now Paul George is gone, and you're just kind of here as this grim reaper shadow to remind everybody that you're not playing anymore.

[Cousin Sal]

Does Bomber know that people get bummed out seeing them? Because maybe he put TVs in the concourse. Otherwise, something Netflix or something.

[Bill Simmons]

The TVs in the concourse should just show Kawhi highlights from, like, seven years ago.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you have for Parent Corner?

[Cousin Sal]

All right, so it was Halloween, as, you know, this past week. And, you know, so my kids, 10 turning 11. And so, like, everybody comes here, the whole family comes here. A bunch of kids. So now it's like 10 kids, and we Walk over to what's called the walk streets where there's no. There's no drive through traffic. So it's just streets where everybody is given candy. One house after another. And usually hit two streets. And it takes about an hour. And is a million kids there.

[Bill Simmons]

There's.

[Cousin Sal]

There's a ton of kids there. And it. It's great, but terrible at the same time because first of all, you run the risk of losing the kids you're with. And my cousin Mickey would use. Used to make them all wear, like lit up balloons on their wrists. And then they're walking around with balloons in addition to their costume. But then they revolted. So she now is dressed like the Statue of Liberty, but all lit up and puts her arm up in the middle of the place to let everybody know where she is. And she, like, leads the pack. But anyway, the whole night is me. First of all, I have my phone, I have Amazon. I'm watching the game, the football game, because good game. I bet again, I bet both quarterbacks to throw an interception, figuring one would. Neither of them did 50 passes that could have been intercepted. All right, so I'm screaming. I'm screaming in my phone and screaming at my kid for not saying thank you over and over when someone gives them candy. So couple things. Inflatable costumes. Terrible. My kid went as a capybara. You know what that is? It's like a weird. Some kind of weird animal in Texas. He went as an inflated capybara. And electric bikes, and they fill the street. I'm like, what are these people doing with electric bikes? Between that and the costumes, I was like, I'm ripping my. What's left of my hair out. I gotta get out of there.

[Bill Simmons]

So people are trick or treating with electric bikes. Yeah. And just going from house to house because they didn't want to walk.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. These electric bikes, are they big by you? It's disgusting.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

You can't go anywhere. So between that and the inflated cops. So anyway, we're back. There's no real story to this other than that they come back and the kids are all trading candy. And they're trading and eating candy at 10:30 at night. And people say, oh, the next day should be off for Halloween. Kids should be off. I don't think so, because I don't want to have to deal with these kids. But it is really awful what we do to teachers. Sending these little dirt bags to school. They're 25 Reese's Peanut Butter cups in. And so I don't know What? I just want to apologize to teachers for Friday. Sending these kids to you. I know they're jacked up on sugar or they're just dying or they're coming down. Right, exactly.

[Bill Simmons]

Coming off drugs.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes. So next year I'm sending the teachers a letter of apology and a stun gun that they could use on my kid.

[Bill Simmons]

Wooded Harrison dress ass.

[Cousin Sal]

He's a Capubara. It's like a. I don't even know what kind of animal is.

[Bill Simmons]

I've never heard of that. Okay, so he's wearing an inflatable costume.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that's it. He's inflatable costumes.

[Bill Simmons]

Why didn't he go as, like, sh A or something?

[Cousin Sal]

No, we're Mets fans. No. That's a lot of Dodger costumes this year. Lot. A lot of bandwagoners, I have to say.

[Bill Simmons]

My son turned 17 of the world's largest road rodents. Rudy says, yeah, my son turned 17 the day after Halloween. So our Halloween, he had a friend come over and then they just left. He didn't dress up as really anything. He put, like, a hat on. We didn't see him again the rest of the night. And my daughter's in college, and it's kind of a bummer. It's like Halloween's kind of over for us. It made me nostalgic. I have some friends who were going out trick or treating. Like our friend Jeff Chow, who was taking his kids out, and it's like we went three blocks and you hear the stories and you're like, oh, man. I was appreciating it as it was happening, but now I'm like, you're still in the middle of it a little bit because at least you have a 10 year old.

[Cousin Sal]

But yeah, look, I was overplaying the inflatable costumes and electric bikes, but it is awesome. Trick or treating with.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I miss it because I was going back. I'm sitting there at like 12:30 that night. I'm going through Halloween 2014 with the kids dressed as. I'm going through the pictures. I'm like Clark Griswold on Christmas vacation. The movie, like, getting sad, looking at the old photos, but the fact that our kids. Basically, Halloween doesn't matter. So my wife invited some friends over, including her. Your wife must have a couple insane friends, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Couple, Yeah. I would kill if it was down to a couple. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Well, same for my wife. But a couple of her friends came over. Christa and Heather were over, and it was just. All bets were off. As soon as I heard they were Coming over.

[Cousin Sal]

You're not supposed to call them out as insane. I don't think by name.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I love them though.

[Cousin Sal]

But okay.

[Bill Simmons]

They came dressed as the Shining Girls.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

In the blue dresses. So that's how we started. There was Rose. And then they all went out and I stayed in. Cause I wanted to just in case we got trick or treaters. But I also really wanted to watch the Texans game. And they went out and they came back. And my wife was in rough shape on a Thursday night. And eventually my son came back. And my wife had been a little over served. Cause she was out with the Shining Girls.

[Cousin Sal]

Nice.

[Bill Simmons]

And my son was now like, whoa, what's up with Mom? And I was like, we've really come full circle now. My wife is the one who's a complete mess. My son is the one being judgmental. And I have to worry if I'm sending my wife to school the next day. So yeah, Halloween, full circle in my house. Thanks to the Shining Girls for getting my wife like just blotto on Thursday night.

[Cousin Sal]

Sounds like they were the Halloween girls. Yeah. That's great.

[Bill Simmons]

And then my son was. My son's birthday was the next day of it. I was thinking like 17 years before that. We were in the hospital. As I'm pushing, I'm yelling at him in the belly to come out so he could be born on Halloween. He just choked. He came three in the morning, three hours late. Could have been the Michael Myers.

[Cousin Sal]

You should have asked Ben. Be like, listen, I miss going out with you on Halloween. Can I hang with you and your friends? Can I tag along?

[Bill Simmons]

What would he say? He doesn't want to hang out with us.

[Cousin Sal]

Doesn't want to. That's sad.

[Bill Simmons]

He's in that. Listen, I was in that stage. I totally get it.

[Cousin Sal]

He'll go back to the copy barrel stage. You'll see. It'll be fine.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll say it again. I'm jealous that you have the third kid. It's a big hole in my resume. I wish we had one more.

[Cousin Sal]

Could always adopt the. Right there.

[Bill Simmons]

That's it for Parent Corner. How's the basketball gambling going?

[Cousin Sal]

Not bad. I don't know. I'm doing player props because I feel like I get angrier when teams blow 14 point leads. I can lose. What about you?

[Bill Simmons]

I've stayed away. I've been really enjoying all the futures I have. The one thing is, I really think the Bucks might be screwed.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And like even the other night they were, I think, minus two against Cleveland. I just don't think the Bucks are good. And this happens in the NBA sometimes where they keep waiting for the team to write the ship and I don't think it's going to happen with them. So at least until Chris Middleton comes.

[Cousin Sal]

Comes back.

[Bill Simmons]

So seems like an opportunity to keep going against them, but.

[Cousin Sal]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, cuz. What do you got to plug?

[Cousin Sal]

What do I have? I have.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh.

[Cousin Sal]

Against all odds, we're going to recap the Monday Night Football game. We got our college hoops preview and through the ringer. Speaking of college hoops, I do it with Tate every week. It's a lot of fun. Ring a pregame show on Sunday. Going for 8 and 2 with my wisest wager. Simmons never been this good.

[Bill Simmons]

What did you hit this week?

[Cousin Sal]

I did the over in the Cincinnati.

[Bill Simmons]

Cincinnati Raiders game. That. Yeah, that was easy.

[Cousin Sal]

That did okay. And Tony Gonzalez on cousin Sal's winning weekend this Friday. So that'll be fun.

[Bill Simmons]

So I have one for you to mention to Tate.

[Cousin Sal]

Go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

I saw. I can't. I guess FanDuel doesn't have it, but I saw it on Twitter.

[Cousin Sal]

I can give you his number if you want. No. Which one?

[Bill Simmons]

No, they don't have it yet. There was a Cooper flag for the Wooden Award bet. He was like five to one. He was the favorite.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, I think I saw six.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he's definitely winning the Wooden Award. That's like, lock it in. Unless he gets hurt. I want to put money on that. Are we allowed to bet? We're allowed to bet on college basketball players.

[Cousin Sal]

Here's the crazy thing. You can't bet on it until he turns. How old is he going to turn in? Like 18. 18? He turns 18 in January. I think I might have the month wrong. You're not allowed to bet on it until he's 18.

[Bill Simmons]

So we're not allowed to bet on people who aren't 18 yet.

[Cousin Sal]

I believe that's what actually Tate told me the other day.

[Bill Simmons]

So what if it's a tennis player who bet on. What if it's like Boris becker in the 1986 Wimbledon where you just can't bet on him?

[Cousin Sal]

Jennifer Capriotti. I don't know. Some. Some league restrictions.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm in on. As soon as we can bet on Cooper flag. I'm in. As long as it's plus odds.

[Cousin Sal]

Really? Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

He's going to be awesome. Yeah, I'm in on him.

[Cousin Sal]

You should have. You should have your own. Like, there should be a tank podcast, right? It should just be all about tanking for. For Cooper Flack.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this year we're going to have there's seven or eight teams. Utah's already committed to it. I mean that Utah's.

[Cousin Sal]

This is what I mean. Like eight teams. How. When, when are you ever going to have that again?

[Bill Simmons]

But yeah, it's. There's a few of them cuz I'll see you next Sunday. Sorry about the Cowboys. Good job by you.

[Cousin Sal]

I am too. Congratulations on Drake May. Good job by you.

[Bill Simmons]

Thanks to Steve Cerruti and Kyle Creighton. As always, you can watch all the clips and episodes on our YouTube channel. And I'm going to be back with a podcast probably earlier on Tuesday, Election Day. So in the morning. So see you then. Must be 21 + and President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President D.C. gambling problem call 100 Gambler or visit RG help.com call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplion ma.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text hopeny in New York.